John Pinette

my friend Kenny was in the back I had a gas attack before I could say excuse me we hit a guardrail Billy went right down apparently with the sound I made he thought he had been shot and it was wintertime the windows were rolled up the heat was on my friend Kenny wasn't back they had giant proof windows they wouldn't go down I can still see his face he passed out he said it was peaceful he walked towards a bright light he saw his grandfather in a white robe and he was yelling at him go back he just has gas it's difficult to eat healthy on the road every city is a new food experience I was in England working and being a tourist I love England I'm a big history buff the castles the museums he stayed in shape there's a lot of walking you'll walk everywhere we went to Windsor Castle the bus dropped us off at the front lawn you know how big the lawn of the castle is the purpose of the lawn is so that when armies would invade in days of yore they would give up before they got across the lawn he invaded from France for hundreds of years I never got to cross that lawn they'd get halfway and go this is [ __ ] I can't even see the castle for me ally we've been walking two days I'm going back to Calais it's walking around England so much in London and and I would starve it and they said we have tea we're not open for dinner but we have tea oh they'll still be right up they said no we have sandwiches with the tea mine had a Jew comer in it that's pickle hey that comes with the sandwich take mine back and put a sandwich in it I tried porridge for breakfast I didn't know they made a turn up breakfast cereal for breakfast in England I ordered a bacon and egg sandwich sounds good but the bacon it's different it's all wrong it's a lot like Canadian bacon a u.s. bacon it's about this I know bacon I think you know I know bacon I had a bacon newsletter for years it was about this stick and it wasn't cooked properly now when I look at something go you know what that ain't healthy you could take that to the bag so I wouldn't need the bacon and egg sandwich egg beside just with it what do they give you for side dish in England for breakfast home bra home fries hash browns fresh fruit Nanae they give you beans oh good let's start me off in the morning empty stomach cup of black coffee and some beans now let's walk me around London for a little while get me all churned up put me in a taxi and see what happens I blew the doors off a taxi Oh Scotland Yard pointing guns at me if he has gas again shoot on my command but he ain't giving me beans for I worked in France for three months it meets the South of France I enjoyed it friends is not like Montreal it is it is very different Montreal as as a uniqueness to it ah you can learn French here ah you can speak English in Nice I stayed at a five-star hotel and I went to the concierge and I said excuse me Gino Ryan get some breakfast Zuma cup and Palma Ceia you know what I'm saying you're watching CNN in English where's breakfast I like France but don't expect cool me air from Beauty and the Beast to be there when you get off the plane be our guest we went to French bistros every night and I was dying for Italian food I love some French food to put too much with with I don't eat seafood there's a lot of salad and I was all like omelette it out and in pommes frites and I want to say another pumphrey dying I'm telling everybody you know where there's an Italian restaurant - I'm dying for Italian food nobody said anything about six weeks into the shoot we're in a bistro I said I would love Italian food somebody that we've been with for six weeks says but we're only a 45-minute drive to Italy from here why don't we go there yes why don't we do that I'll kill you later cuz they need directions Jack the car I mean pulsates it went down the streets in the motherland 45-minute drive took me 11 minutes I could have ran it in 45 on Engelbart and she was sonar they got a kick out of me in Italy oh yeah I speak a little Italian I can say feed me I'm hungry it's sorta awful mathil I can say it in 27 languages I can write it in hieroglyphics if I have to if I go back in a time machine I want to be covered and we went to this little mom-and-pop restaurant the wait his name was Luigi he was also the owner in Italy there's no such thing as an all-you-can-eat buffet that's just the way it is and I said Luigi so know our motto and look at joy he's a solo awful lot so lavalla just have to come in here Sam Sann - Giuseppe success on Oahu motto look at you yes dad of a [ __ ] and I said I'm dying of hunger it's more to deform me more to the family we're gonna feed you you're gonna explore over the wall I said could we order he said now first we're gonna bring out some food and that's when I heard the Angels oh I thought it was gonna bring out like an antipasto he brought out antipasto fried calamari potato gnocchi poi over the star oh I play melodies and he says now we can we take your order you're not scaring me they brought out food for hours we're fighting amongst ourselves stop ordering us enough I didn't order this I didn't order this either - just bring it out stuff let's get out of here we had a friend with us Timmy he was too skinny we should have known he shouldn't have come halfway through the meal he died we kept on trying to feed him they were smacking him he's dead pass out over here always equal I'm sad the third hour you know when you fool you and buckle your pants a little bit well mine went down around my ankles and they were chasing me with cannolis then we're gonna kill me I did kill Timmy well five years ago I bought a house in Vegas it's a little hot for me in the summer I didn't think of that I thought gambling buffets ah so I love Vegas and I still work there I take a stay at the hotel I take the elevator to work but ultimately the decision was that I would leave they sell a house in Vegas and I bought a house in Pennsylvania near my family now I got a great family but I don't know if I should live near them I like Pennsylvania I live near the Amish yeah in my aunt I talk mostly about my own life uh I don't mind making light of myself I don't mind talking about my own journey I don't like to hurt anybody's feelings I don't like to be mean the Amish I say horrible [ __ ] about them it never gets back to them they see me and they wave so I have two older sisters and their families that live in Pennsylvania and I'm not married yet and I've had no eyebrows for the past two years so the dating seeds been difficult but I think they feel as if they should help me well one sister said to me I'll be your interior decorator I don't know what that means I grew up poor not the kind of poor where you go Hall we were poor but we never knew it I was certain of it and I was not happy about so this whole interior decorating thing is very new to me and I don't like it the house looks great she did a beautiful job she really did you go home and it's a home I like it but the process she took me to 80 different furniture stores I almost killed one guy I picked out the couch and I'll take this he said we'll order it for you it'll take about 15 weeks it's right here help me get it in the truck he said no this is our floor model if we give you this people won't know what we have but you don't have it so help me get it in the truck my sister tried to help me I come out off the road they unpack my bags I never unpacked my bags before I always just kept two bags packed for the road well they like put everything away on me to come into my house and they arranged it and everything's put away didn't I say where'd you put all my stuff I got a pack to go back on the road again and they said it's a way well we're away you know it's a mythical place like Narnia didn't know where so now on my days off from the road I have to look at all the stuff look for all the stuff that they put away so I wander around the house looking for all my stuff that I have on the road that went away why does everything I love go away and the neighbors see me wandering around the house cuz I have no blinds I don't my sister got an estimate for the blinds there are a lot of money did you know that ten thousand dollars I'm not paying that I walk around naked long enough the neighbors will chip in hi mr. and mrs. Lipinsky I'm a new neighbor oh look and checking a letter from the homeowners association ah my family likes to go on family reunions and they usually pick a place that I won't be happy with cuz I guess I'm pretty funny when I'm raging they usually taken to Disney World in August that's the best time to go it's really hot let's take jarred out walk them around the world my nieces and nephews when we're at Disney World they usually take me to a waterpark because they want to see what will happen to me it's one of the things I have to say Nene - I love I love the water I'm a great swimmer but the water parks they have horrible rides this one there was a giant slide and it was like 20 stories high and there was no elevator

Channel: Garon Martin

Views: 1,654,576

Rating: 4.8023925 out of 5

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Id: bPgdxnEGXgU

Length: 14min 46sec (886 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 13 2013