Jeff Foxworthy-Redneck Fashion Tips Part 1

Video Statistics and Information

Video

Captions Word Cloud

Captions

but anyway because of the book I was doing a lot of books on teas and one of the last ones I did I did a five-hour book signing at Walmart one Saturday afternoon and during that five hours I had a revelation and that is there's not a whole lot of supermodel shopping at Walmart it's pretty much just us rednecks you know and we we don't wear stuff cause some magazine says it's the latest style we wear stuff because it's comfortable and if you can't look at it and keep your lunch down that's your problem but is kind of a spokesman for this portion of the population I got a thinking you know it has reached the point where we do need a few redneck fashion tips and I know a lot of you're sitting out there and you're like Jeff I don't know when it comes to fashion if I'm a supermodel or a redneck so I came up with a few ways to help you tell if the most expensive thing you ever bought at the mall came from the food court you might want to pay attention if your bra is a darker color than your shirt you might want to pay attention if your wife has ever dusted the furniture with your best pair of underwear you might want to pay attention if people can see your butt crack 24/7 you might want to listen up if you've mastered the art of putting on makeup with your non-smoking hand while driving with your knee you might want to pay attention and if your thighs stop moving 30 seconds after you do some of this might be aimed at you all right here we go redneck fashion tip number one certain things should not be sold in certain sizes if your rear end looks like two full-grown raccoons wrestling in a 50-pound bag of feed corn say no to Spanish tight ain't always right and the only place dimples are cute or on your face this woman came up to me at the books I did she had the biggest butt I have ever seen in my life and you've seen these kind of people they're like from the waist up they're built kind of normally and then from the waist down if it's like an explosion - laughs you know just just huge I mean from a distance she looked like a poodle riding a hippity hop and there's no telling how big or but really was cuz she had it packed in these days I mean it was crammed in there I could hear the zipper crying you got the feeling some nights some guy was going to get her home get that top button unbuttoned and that thing was gonna come flying out of there like a navy life raft but the thing that was intriguing about her wish she had this attitude like she was the hottest thing on the planet and I love big girls that think they're sexy because I think guys look at them kind of like we do those rodeo bulls you know we're like I bet I could ride it but I probably get hurt so anyway I signed her bugs for and we see when to walk away she wasn't just walking she was strutting I mean you know like popping it and I'm watching her cuz upstairs he's gonna knock over some little kids or something and my brother leaned over and tapped me on the arm he said that looks like two blue Volkswagens trying to pass each other on a gravel road certain things should not be sold in certain sizes if your stomach blocks your view of your shoes cover it up and belly shirts or the people that don't have bellies and there's no shame no shame in having a spare tire just keep it in the trunk so other people don't have to look at and you know there's a little baby spare tires are kind of cute tractor tires aren't especially when they have hair on them certain things should not be sold in certain sizes and this goes to a lot of dads and uncles out here your shorts are supposed to be longer than your underwear especially if you wear tighty whities nobody wants to be at the family picnic and look over at Uncle Fred sitting in a lawn chair and see anything that looks like a baby bird and talking about shorts I got to comment on those little cotton shorts that have the words printed on the back of them first of all guys if you can't read without moving your lips do not stare at these shorts in front of your wife or girlfriend and for God's sakes don't pretend you've had the cheap LASIK surgery and you can only read by using Braille you know but these shorts bring up my second fashion rule and that is there has got to be an age limit on certain articles of clothing got and we're these will cotton shorts with the words on them I think the age limit is what 1516 all I'm saying is if the veins and the back of your legs look like the street map of Greater Pittsburgh you ain't nobody's baby doll if your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota van after a hailstorm you're not juicy you might be a terrific grandmother you're not juicy in this age limit rule also applies to low-cut tops on women and you know what I'm talking about these women that insist on showing their cleavage 30 years after anybody wants to see it and they're always well-endowed I mean real well-endowed the other kind of women if they go to hug and you're not chewing gum your ears are going to pop but that cleavage lines like three feet long and it's got these little wrinkles coming off of it looks like you're looking down into the Grand Canyon out an airplane window and what is it there's some women the older they get just the less modest they are and everybody's done this where you're sitting there in the morning having a cup of coffee with granny and she's not wearing anything but a paper-thin nightgown and a smile then she'll bend down to pick up something out of the floor and suddenly you're staring at something that looks like those wrong balloons four days after the birthday card and they ain't clogged up to the ceiling they are on the floor now you could step on them and they wouldn't pop

Info

Channel: holyshnikies9

Views: 2,221,132

Rating: 4.8096299 out of 5

Keywords: Jeff, Foxworthy, Redneck, Fashion, Tips

Id: wbXkP_GZjsE

Channel Id: undefined

Length: 8min 33sec (513 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 28 2007

Reddit Comments