Is She A Damaged Tease, or Did I Over Pursue?

hi i'm coach cory wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter and the topic of today's newsletter is going to be is she a damaged tease or did i over pursue so this is an interesting email this particular guy this goes back like five years ago he met this woman he was at a bar and they ended up hooking up i guess the second time after they met or the second time they saw each other so in essence the first date they hooked up but then when he tried to set the second date even though she claims the sex was really amazing she wouldn't set a second date and eventually he got tired of her jerking her around because he kept trying to make dates and she kept not agreeing to him he met somebody else and got serious with her and so he just broke up with his girlfriend of five years about three months ago and he happened to be on linkedin and came across the original girl's profile reached out and she tells him how she's been thinking about him all his time and so they talked a bunch and then she said i can't get together i'm not ready we had sex too soon and yet he still hasn't gotten together with her he's thinking did i pursue too hard too much or is she just a tease or obviously is she a damaged tease as he puts it so despite all the answers to that i got a quote that helps bring clarity to these situations because it all boils down to what do people actually do and so the quote says the only thing that really matters in all relationships is what people actually do talk is cheap it means nothing without the actions to back it up if people tell you that they care and their actions do not match their words you should assume that they don't really care about you and move on you must see reality as it is not as you want it to be the right people who really care about you will actually show through their actions that they really want value and appreciate you most people who you meet in life won't be a match don't take it personally just recognize that they aren't meant for you and wish them well so with that in mind with that little nugget of knowledge kind of like the things i talk about my new book quotes ruminations and contemplations which is available everywhere in all formats and you can read it for free at understandingrelationships.com just subscribe to the email newsletter so let's go through his email he says hi corey here's the back story five years ago when i was 26 i met this girl she was also 26 in a bar and i got her number and we ended up having sex the second time we met which obviously would be on his first date it was incredibly intense and mentally we connected or so we thought after we had sex i tried to get a second date with her and she was willing to talk but she was hesitant to meet she told me at that time she just got out of a relationship and she was starting to have feelings for me but was afraid to get close to someone so that sounds reasonable but if you bottom my interactions she still won't get together and you always look what people do not what they say i mean you can take it to face value and assume that's what it is but it doesn't really matter because you want somebody's like oh hell yeah i'd love to see you that'd be great that'd be wonderful if they're not excited to spend time with you then they can go on down the road because when you try to keep somebody who doesn't want to keep you it's demeaning to yourself they're not making a mutual effort by now so i kind of gave up on pursuing her and met another girl who i dated for five years up until about three months ago three weeks ago i found this same girl on linkedin now we are both 31. i messaged her and she wanted to talk to me and gave me her phone number i called her that night and we talked and instantly reconnected she told me that since we last spoke over the years she thought about me often wishing that she had pulled the trigger with me back then and couldn't stop talking about the sex we had i guess the sex was really good apparently but it was talk if the sex is really that great is she going to resist getting together to have great sex again maybe she's a fruit loop we all we just have to look at the actions the last time we spoke in 2016 i ripped her apart for treating me like garbage and how the girl i chose was way better than she was so obviously there was some more communicating it's not like they just stopped talking probably went on for some time where he was trying to get her together they were only talking on the phone he's thinking i'll be patient with her and then bottom line they never got together and especially after he ripped her a new one they didn't talk so there's obviously some things he's leaving out there but it really doesn't matter she wouldn't get together with him she told me that she thought that i had cursed she also said she hadn't been in a relationship since we last met and she hasn't had sex in almost two years now so five years hmm not having a relationship granted this is a very attractive girl so i was pretty surprised by like by that i figured this was it i had a chance now to go after the girl that i wanted to date prior to my ex and i didn't want this to slip away i asked if she wanted to get dinner and meet in person and she told me that she's not comfortable at this point meeting in person because she wanted to have sex with me and she wanted to make sure the next person she had sex with was someone serious so she's waited five years as far as you know but the reality is what does it really matter how much or how little she's had sex in the last five years bottom line she doesn't want to get together with you you don't pursue and invest energy and effort in somebody that just won't get together with you she wanted to get to know me and we facetimed when i asked when do you want to see each other in person she stated i want to give it a couple of months oh yeah let's facetime for a couple of months yeah i don't think so i was confused because i questioned to myself why did she want me to contact her again if she just had no intention of wanting to see me when i brought it up she told me she was a runner and she did not want to feel pressured because she runs away from guys when they get too close well he had one date and he had sex once supposedly really great sex so that kind of a statement there she's basically saying hey i'm a fruit loop i run away i avoid relationships if you're trying to have a relationship and you meet somebody who runs away and basically says they can't handle relationships you shouldn't be trying to date them for whatever reason their goals are not aligned i agreed it was probably best that we got to know each other this time since the first time we barely knew each other we had sex so quickly that i figured what the heck i can wait two months yeah you're ignoring the red flags that she just basically admitted she's a froot loop but guys are thinking i'm gonna save her i'm gonna fix her i'm gonna solve her problems i'm gonna make her see how great a guy i am and then it'll change her so we start communicating and texting pretty intensely for the next week restoring that attraction and connection or so he thought about a week later we were on the phone and i brought up that i liked her i think she already knew that dude you reached out after five years of course she knows you like her and she said she did too hey that sounds great that she likes you too but is she willing to get together but again she was just hesitant to want to see each other immediately hey well give me coffee change your mind she was honest to say i just don't think i can give you what you want when it comes to being ready to see you so already she's gotten the idea or the impression that he wants a relationship with her she said it was purely about her lack of self-control and maybe she's a nymphomaniac and now she waited so long since she's had sex she didn't want to throw it away personally it sounded like she was acting if she was a born-again virgin who knows but the bottom line is she's not willing to get back together with you again to lose her born-again virginity so i kind of just waved it off since everything was going so yeah but this is like a digital pen pal this is not a real thing she told me that she would message me tomorrow and so i decided i'm not going to chase this woman and i'll wait for her to reach out to me this time well after that call it's been over a week and i haven't heard from her since okay so if we just take the bot we take a step back bottom line the actions i'll call you tomorrow she didn't do that they he hasn't heard from her so you have to assume based on her actions that she doesn't care i haven't reached out to her because i knew that she teased me once before and i was already guarded by her behavior and self-proclaimed quote daddy issues are self-proclaimed quote daddy issues i assume that she runs out on men before they run on her and her biological dad left so obviously she's got daddy issues trust in men she just basically told you she's not capable she's messed up she's a fruit loop she said she hasn't seen her dad in years and that has made her feel unwanted so she feels unwanted so guess what she does to you she makes you feel unwanted as for me i know my value and i'm standing my ground anyway i'm not sure how to proceed with this or if it's even worth trying with someone so broken emotionally yeah dude captain save a ho trying to fix this girl or save her or rescue her from her daddy issues that's that's not your job i guess it's just hard for me to reconcile why did she want me to reach out to her because she liked the attention and validation obviously the girl hasn't had a relationship in five years doesn't sound like she's dated much she hasn't had sex in two years and want to get to know me to truly want something real with me well if you look at her actions she didn't want anything real with you and she really didn't care about getting to know you because she did she blew you off if a chick blows you off that means she doesn't care she doesn't give a [ __ ] she doesn't value doesn't appreciate you you might as well be pond scum to her then when i showed the slightest desire to want to see her in person and just truly get to know her she essentially ghosted me well because she didn't care all of her words were didn't mean anything because her actions and her words didn't match when you want to see someone you want to get to know and potentially have a relationship with well if you look at her actions she didn't want to get to know you and she didn't want to have a relationship with you either is she damaged goods well it kind of sounds like it that's what she's telling you and is there no fixing someone like this that's not your job that's her therapist job and that's her job she has to participate in her own rescue she has to fix her self as late great jim rohn said i'll take care of me for you and you take care of you for me she did mention to me that she's going to therapy and trying to work on not running away and trusting men and then boom she goes silent less than two weeks after reigning the conversation she wanted me to start well dude in all fairness it sounds like you were doing all the initiating and pursuing she liked the attention but the bottom line she didn't appreciate it she didn't value it because she blew you off again so may goshu they don't [ __ ] care about you and they don't want anything to do with you so you should respond accordingly should i even reach out to this girl again absolutely not dude or should i just give up that this girl is a complete lost cause yep she's a complete lost cause as far as you're concerned and it's more trouble than she's worth yes can you imagine trying to date a woman like this constant hot and cold constantly bouncing back and forth she's in therapy she admitted she's [ __ ] up and you're thinking i can fix it this is something i can work with i can help her not your job you're looking for a teammate a happy whole complete person who loves values appreciates and most importantly respects you and you're not she's not going to respect you if you keep coming back for a second and third helping she said she's going to get in touch she never did so therefore she don't care you mean nothing to her i guess my logic is if i don't reach out to her again doesn't that reinforce her belief that i only wanted to reignite things so i could get her to have sex with me again and not getting my way just showed she wasn't worth pursuing on her timeline well the reality is the thing that you can because again you're trying to blame yourself for everything that she's doing you're taking ownership of her actions she told you i will call you tomorrow she didn't call you tomorrow what does that mean she don't give a [ __ ] about you doesn't doesn't matter why she didn't call her whatever she didn't do what she said she was gonna do you can't have a relationship with somebody who doesn't honor their words someone tells you one thing and they do another well look at their actions so it doesn't matter what came out of her mouth she didn't mean any of it so [ __ ] her she can go on down the road she's somebody else's she's our shrinks problem let her shrink deal with her then again because she seems to be so jaded if i reach out to her let's be even more of a turn off yeah because you're not congruent with your words you were going to wait for her to reach out she never did so you should assume she has no interest in you whatever the reason doesn't matter she's [ __ ] up she doesn't like you she has another guy she's going to therapy doesn't matter if you bottom line the actions she's not interested or she off that eventually she would just reach out to me again it's possible but quite frankly if she reaches out to you again and you try to get involved with this girl maybe you should go see a therapist because that's ridiculous you're not going to have a healthy relationship with somebody that behaves this way it's just not going to work if you look through all my thousands of video newsletters and it never works out with women like this it's it's sad i'm excited we can be sad for her we can feel sorry for her but whatever happened in her family the parents are responsible they [ __ ] her up it just sucks because we clicked mentally and sexually but again that was five years ago dude time to get over it time to move on but again they're always gonna be some massive red flag from the woman's side that's true so if i were you i would delete her number i would block her number i wouldn't have anything to do with a woman like this but it's your life it's your choice if you look at her actions she's not into you doesn't matter don't take it personally just say hey well i checked that box check that box off my list now i know i made the effort and at least five years from now you're not gonna be wondering uh what did i do you gave it your best shot dating is tennis she didn't want to play tennis with you because she didn't hit the ball back so go find a new tennis partner don't take it personally just means you're not compatible as much as you think you're compatible hey you had a one-night stand you hooked up she was hot hey it's a victory either way walk away so if you've got a question or challenge and you'd like to get my help go to understandingrelationships.com click the products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly until next time i will talk to you soon [Music] you

Channel: Coach Corey Wayne

Views: 17,267

Rating: 4.9485202 out of 5

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Id: iW1xEFoOKgM

Length: 16min 37sec (997 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 14 2021