Insider Negotiation Secrets From Chris Voss Former FBI Hostage Negotiator

[Music] [Music] ladies and gentlemen please welcome to the stage Chris boss I just want to warn you guys in advance cuz if you've read the book a night you may be familiar with the hostage negotiators late-night FM DJ voice and ask yourself is a whole presentation gonna sound like that so I just want you to know even though I start out slow I kind of taper off after that arch is a negotiator one of the rules that we live by has never be so sure of what you want that you wouldn't take something better interesting all right yeah but how do you make that happen and it's hostage negotiation just emotional intelligence you know it's an empathy if you will weaponized empathy hots hostage negotiation and neuroscience and part of emotional intelligence of what's appropriate to the moment I don't tell that joke in the middle of that CNN of the parents Jeffrey Toobin doesn't give my company the best commercial we ever got the Black Swan group that is a baddest-ass name I ever heard how many times you guys figure I played that video right but in the moment appropriate to the moment because something to learn the humorous humor is uh effective and I don't think everybody understands really how effective humor is to be in a good mood to be in a positive frame of mind makeup is 31% smarter no joke your brain has that's almost a pun right no joke your brain has more capability when you're in a positive frame of mind 31% that's no small jump as I how am I gonna use that as a hostage negotiator huh am I gonna call inside the bank and said hey I just flew in from Iowa boy my arms tired you know calling the bank say hey how many Bank it takes screw in a light bulb you know I'm not gonna start out with jokes because it wouldn't be appropriate to the moment but appropriate to the moment and I will tell you I'm sitting there at CNN and the booth off to the side I'm here in hostage this hostage that hostage this and I'm thinking like this is a straight line I'm just gonna have to absolutely hit this I had Jeffrey Toobin thought about that before I came on and turned to Anderson Cooper or trash Christiane Amanpour somebody else I was sitting there and he said you know Black Swan it's kind of badass you know when he comes on I'm gonna ask him about that can you imagine what they would have said the producer would have gotten a Nazir and said no we're not telling jokes here this seeing CNN does not stand for comedy you're not telling a joke but appropriate to the moment appropriate to the context it helps everybody it loosens the moment and it makes you smarter here's an automatic way to make yourself smarter those of you in the room right now that are frowning you're making yourself dumber so we were looking at your colleagues head see I told you no but seriously the interesting thing about and what I love about hostage negotiation is backed up by neuroscience now and these different things are completely backed up by newer neuroscience because I can I can reach into your brain I can flip flick a switch you can't you can't stop me you have things called mirror neurons I've been reaching into your brain since I took the stage I've reached into your brain just now I'm inside hostage negotiators use what we call the late-night FM DJ boys we don't know why it worked we just know worked you have something in your brain called mirror neurons when you hear my voice I begin to change how your brain functions before I finished a sentence we just knew that the late-night FM DJ voice seemed to calm people down I hit mirror neurons in your head the mirror neurons react it's an involuntary response there's a bunch of involuntary responses in there they're all tied into the mirror the limbic system marinara's and other things like that I can actually turn your brain down we do a negotiation exercise very intense negotiation exercise when we when we do training on business negotiation we put my son likes to say my son is my Director of Operations we want to put so much pressure on you it's gonna make your nose bleed but then while we're in the middle of doing that I'll hit you with a late night FM DJ voice and just watch people's voices turned down when I'm in a business negotiation and I'm gonna lay out a term that there's no movement on none it's typically a contract term we've always got people giving us contracts that have work for hire clauses in them and we don't do work for hire period period because that gives away our intellectual property those of you that are intellectual property attorneys know how well it is and we're not gonna give it away so how do I get and I was talking to one of the what do you guys earlier here and he says we don't get what you want less you asked for it we don't ask for this stuff we want and we get it how does that work well if I ask you for something and you give it to me I owe you Robert out child any was six principles of influence that are universal reciprocity human nature responds so I'm going to get stuff for you but I don't want to owe you for cuz that's how we did hostage negotiation how am I gonna do a hostage negotiation with a bank robber and oh that's not gonna work out it with a kidnapper and oh it's it's not gonna work out for me I want my stuff I don't want to owe anything we get into a discussion over contract terms and there's a work-for-hire clause in there I just say we don't do work-for-hire and then I shut up two-thirds of you shutting up it's a struggle two-thirds of units not just because you're attorneys because you're human beings shutting up as a struggle for a variety of reasons I was once on the trying to coach an attorney happened to be female didn't matter she was female but she was one that had taught that if you're if you're not talking you're out of control so she had to talk all the time and I literally said to her to try to get her to slow down and again it didn't matter that it was a woman that person and this one happens to be a woman she's a human being that's and I said did it ever occur to you to not talk and it was the only time she stopped talking and there's a reason why that worked which we'll get into shortly which also was contrary to the way you're wired there's a few things about your wiring that I'm going to try to enlighten you guys to and maybe get you out of doing and it's gonna be hard it's not gonna be complicated I'm gonna give you an idea right now how hard it's gonna be for you buddy make a fist with both hands fist with both hands you have to put down your stuff to do this but it's important for you to experience this this is an experiential talk we're gonna experience stuff together put your right thumb up put your left forefinger out just the forefinger there you go now switch switch back switch again speed it up come on let's go let's go make it work some of you are going like right so here's some cool stuff about that real quick which you should get it kick at it first of all did you need to be Elon Musk to understand what I was asking no it wasn't complicated but a win against how your synapses in your head or wired right now was awkward awkward is simultaneously the barrier to learning and necessary for accelerated learning you don't feel awkward you're learning in a snail's pace awkward is accelerated learning and that feeling even some of you had trouble getting your left forefinger out to begin with but there was actually a feeling in your head that was actually the feeling of creating a newer a new neural synaptic connection in your head it was kind of a cool idea and then switching back and forth you're trying to fire that synapse now you've got some synapses that are build you want to go to your default yram it's gonna be hard getting out of that initially a couple of things I'm going to share with it's gonna be hard getting out of it and it'll feel that awkward as a side note these days since we're so much into emotional intelligence hostage negotiation which gets us into brain science which is some cool stuff like I'm really into how do I create new neural synaptic connections getting this safe from my health law my mental health yeah I personally I've got something called Project 120 I want to live to be 120 years old so I got to constantly be building my brain so I'm doing wacky stuff that's good for my mind like here's another one that I like to do to build my mental health brush your teeth with your opposite hand I'm willing to admit the first time I tried this I had to move my head back and forth because it couldn't make it work but then what's the point of the neural new neural synaptic connections really awkward at first how many times before you can do this quickly or any other habit how long does it take you to build a new habit some of you guys know right how long how long the pile won't adopt a new habit about three weeks right interestingly corresponds with about 63 to 64 repetitions of engaging in a skill but doing it right which is where you got to do it slow at the very beginning you got to take your time John Foley Blue Angel pilot I heard him give a talk about two years ago talked about how they wire a new groove into their head a new habit in their head because if they haven't wired that habit in their head when they go up in the sky Blue Angel pilots crash into each other people died he said about 63 to 64 repetitions that's why if you do it a few times each day it takes it takes about three weeks to pick up the skill someone lay some stuff on you today but you're gonna try it after you get out of here you've got to you've got to put in the reps it's not that long but the first few times you do it it's gonna hurt your head and you know what that's when you'll quit not knowing how close the goal is on the other side awkwardness is both the barrier to learning and necessary for accelerated learning what Chris Foster Chris Wallace was the fbi's lead international kidnapping negotiator the two kinds of negotiations hostage negotiations they're one where we got the bank surrounded the bad guys are in the inside and they can't get away and I did a bunch of those and in her kidnapping negotiations which is really commodities exchange first time I went to to learn the magic skills the magic kidnapping negotiator skills got me stood in front of the room and he said are you finding any country you go into kidnappers there's gonna be an expected initial demand roughly ballpark they're gonna expect to settle at a percentage of that and they're also going to expect that the kidnap is gonna take a certain duration what is it sound like sounds like a market doesn't it I'm gonna the first time I heard that I thought you're outlining a market to me you're outlining a business transaction and I remember initially being horrified the market was human beings then I had to learn it doesn't matter what it is for me it matters what it is for them what it is for them is it's a business and they have a division of labor how many guys felt a movie man on fire with Denzel Washington right who did he negotiate with in that movie The Voice voices job was to negotiate that was his end of the deal kidnappers have division of labor they the commodities human beings have people that acquire the commodity they had people that transport the commodity they have people that house the commodity there are people that negotiate for the commodities release and they got a boss that complains about everybody the works for it's not like a business right so I get a call because there's been a kidnapping in Haiti twelve-year-old boys been grabbed and in Haiti 12 your boys an American citizen it's not that uncommon hey at the time before the earthquake is a revolving door of kidnappings they're grabbing when they grab Americans they don't realize they're grabbing Americans are grabbing dual nationals they think they're getting locals how does that happen in many of the industries kidnapping industries in the world kidnap big markets in the world when they're grabbing Americans they usually grab do them dual nationals they don't own the gravid Americans how does that happen how'd you get your citizenship you're an American citizen how'd you get it born here I got my citizenship I grew up when I'll I know my voice doesn't sound like it but I grew up in Iowa so I thought born here that's just a natural order of things vast majority the people in this room that's how you got your citizenship do you have any idea how unusual that is in world you know how many developed nations think that's a natural right it's argued that they're to the US and Canada you're born in Australia you think that gives you Australian citizenship they think that was it funny you're born in England you think that gives you English citizenship again laughable concept some of the reasons why I'm an unabashed fan of the United States a complete patriot I don't consider myself a member of either political party I talk about issues based on what I think of the issues not on which parties behind them but I'm an absolute patriot the United States just I think that's where things should be I love that about this country you're born here you're an American citizen as it turns out it happens to be an idea mostly the Americas North and South America the vast majority of countries in North and South America believe if you're born there and entitles you to citizenship it's called just Soleil I think it's a pronunciation those of you that speak Latin can say it better than me which means right in the soil that's cool what does it have to do with haiti haitian mobs know that the very best gift they could give their child on the child's literal first birthday is a gift of american citizenship I mean how powerful how much that gives you an advantage over the rest of the world just being born an American so one way another that finding their way into u.s. also the child can be born an American citizen that's the case in this in this instance 12 real boys citizen the family's not kid gets grabbed in a carjacking now the business model and Haiti at the time carjacking I gotta tell you I'm impressed with this business model this is a great business model you want to talking about business models fear to commodities business carjacked a car with more than one person in it you don't need to do video marking at that point in time you let one of those people go you've already handled your mark it's a live in-person marketing event for you they run back and say hey guess who weren't business with if they were riding a car together they probably could go tell that person's family to get kidnapped right it gets even better from that point forward you've pre-qualified your client if they have money for a car and gas and hate at the time they got money for a ransom Haiti's a poor country they got a car and they're driving around in it they got ransom money and here's the best part here's a part of absolutely love what happens if you grab the one person in the family that nobody likes you still got a car every one of your clients what if you got their car to hold on to when you did but you get paid every time it's pretty good that's what Dunham's carjackings boy gets kidnapped father's not an American citizen he knows his son is it goes to US Embassy says my son's an American citizen he's been kidnapped you're supposed to help me they say the FBI is gonna be there to help you now I don't know what went through his mind when he was told that the FBI was gonna be there to help him I can imagine it was probably something equivalent of 15 minutes later he's gonna hear her on the front door and these guys will be there they might even have FBI hats on no they're FBI agents but instead about 15 minutes later he gets a call from some guy in Washington DC named Chris Wallace and it really literally sense to me on the phone you're in Washington DC how you gonna help me how much time do I have before this father hangs up the phone you're mean what do you say seriously what would you say gotta get your son back logic lay some reality out to him tell me what happened interesting who thinks tell me what happened is an open-ended question it's command and it's a statement tell me what happened when you run into people in your businesses what's the first thing they say themselves especially if they're under stress is it any different than what this father said to me do you have any less time and what you need to establish you know how much time you have does anybody know how much time do you have before they either literally or figuratively hang up on you before you're losing the game how much time do you have seven you get seven seconds tick tick tick tell me what happened how much time does that take person under stress can I go okay I'm really glad you asked you know now that you think about it let me go back through this think about it one step at a time how did I get it all started when I was seven years old I can't answer that question I mean who can under stress seven seconds and what do you have to establish well you have to establish it's the same thing I had to stay what at war what is it trust absolutely trust and competence exactly right you get two things trust in confidence not confidence competence and you get seven seconds what do you say confident if that worked would you need videos to market your practice probably not trust me I'm from the FBI and I'm here to help you how do I know how to do this because it did it wrong in the past the first time I was in the Philippines on a case that I'm gonna touch on it before we get done here this morning they walked me into room that the the heads of the government are all there from the Philippines I'm there to express personal invitation of the American ambassador the head of the API Manila has gone to the Ambassador and given him my name and said we need this guy and we have to officially invite him to come and help and we need to walk him into this room where everybody except the president of Philippines is gonna be the Secretary of Defense is going to be there the head of the police is gonna be there police in the Philippines is the National Police Force so the head of the police is the equivalent of a cabinet level position and at the time the president's two closest personal advisers were the Secretary of Defense and the head of the police the only reason the president of Philippines wasn't in the rooms because then his personal confidential adviser was and in some in substance they said to me how you gonna help us and I took this is the a Victorian lay out my resume FBI agent so many years joint terrorist task force New York City one of the Attorney General's Award one of the FBI agents Association Award for distinguished and exemplary service not only teach from the book of Quantico now I've I wrote the book teach from not only trained by the FBI but trained by Scotland Yard as well laid-out my extensive credentials and I could tell you they were suitably unimpressed they may as well be owned in my face why is that you guys know why if your credentials showed that you knew what you were doing you would never hire the wrong person in your from and you would never fail would you your credentials correlate loosely with whether or not you know what you're doing loosely what I say to this father simple here's what I said all right Haitian kidnappers are not killing each kidnap victims these days I realize that's really stupid because they kill each other at the drop of a hat but they're not killing kidnap victims but today is Thursday and Haitian kidnappers love to party on Saturday night if you say the things I want you to say when I want you to say him we're gonna have your son out late Friday or early Saturday morning he said tell me what you want me to do and we had a son out Saturday morning so let's break down a little bit of what I did do and also more importantly what I didn't do by the way through the course of the kidnapping the father never asked me how many kidnappings had worked he never asked me how long had been an FBI agent he never asked me how long I'd been a hostage negotiator he never asked me if I spoke French or Creole the languages he never asked me how many times I'd been to Haiti you guys may have asked yourself this guy's a lead international kidnapping negotiator he's negotiated all over the world how many languages is this guy speak by now the answer to that is abundantly clear barely one how many times I've been to Haiti you guys know how many times I've been to Haiti I've never been dating never asked me that none of those typical confidence indicators ever came up as soon as I told him what he was looking at here's what you're looking at and then they offered him the slightest bit of insight into how to navigate that and he said tell me what you want me to do I will also ask you to compare how long it took me to say that with how long it took me to lay out my resume which was shortened most communication hacks most ways to shortcut to the actual process and make it last less time seemed really indirect and save time it seems like you're going in another direction and it ends up short cutting the process significantly he's also what I didn't do and here's where you're I'm going to ask you to change your wiring cuz you got an addiction I'm here to talk to you about your addiction you didn't know it's gonna be one of those meetings right you're thinking I went to that one last week so what a guy stands up when he says hi I'm Chris you all go high and cruise here's what you're addicted to you love this word you love this word feels so good yes you love hearing yes you know it's a story that John Lennon when he first started falling in love with Yoko Ono he went to an art exhibit that she put together it was kind of this obstacle course thing and he climbed over stuff and you crawled under stuff you came to this rickety ladder you climbed up this rickety ladder in the top of the ladder was a telescope but you know look through the telescope and tiny letters on a far wall was the word but is a problem it's always a hook right now you guys get addicted to this and there's actually a study out there that says you should do it cuz says all you gotta do to get to yes which even to this day has sold more copies in my book first she has somebody say yes or something little they need get them to see you as to something else little then you get the third little one and then bang you gotta write it's called momentum selling it's called the S momentum many of you if you've been the trial you've been taught never ask a witness a question you don't know the answer to in advance which means you're gonna close down the question you're gonna make it a yes or no and more than likely it's gonna be a yes so you're willing to admit that you are on a planet Earth because you're gonna lead them down a path ain't no you'll lead them down a path in sales is called the yes momentum own momentum selling and it says given say yes to the little things in your time down they can't get away do you like that it's a violation of your basic basic nature to autonomy your right to autonomy fight if you pick up the phone phone rings you pick up the phone voice on the other end of the phone says have you got a few minutes to talk what's your gut reaction your gut reaction a lot of quick automatic notes wait a minute I'm just trying to get you say yes or something oh what's the matter with that well the problem is whenever you say yes you don't know yourself what you're letting yourself in for and have you got a few minutes to talk it's pretty simple you ask yourself if I have a few minutes to talk to I want to talk to you if I have three minutes to talk and I want to talk to you do I want to talk about what you want to talk about there's an a man a woman alive they haven't hasn't gotten a call from this significant other and he or she on other than the phone says can we talk and you think you said well I like talking to you but I don't think I want to talk about what you want to talk about then after that is how long is a few minutes my next-gen younger sister calls me on the phone when she's got an hour drive in front of her have you got a few minutes to talk that's also code for I'm gonna talk and you're gonna listen another friend of my colleague happens to be an attorney but it's just that's just happens to be how he's wired he lays out this entire agenda he's gonna have you on the phone for at least 45 minutes and he says have you got a few minutes to talk typically a few minutes is 45 to an hour and then the last question you ask yourself at the end of it how do I get off the phone so the first problem is you guys got to stop this you got to you got to get out of this yes stuff I'm here to tell you that every time you try to get somebody to say yes it makes them concerned and they get defensive and they get their backup and he start to worry about what they're letting themselves in for experiment with it don't take my word for it look around you a couple of years ago before my son is not my Director of Operations and our best negotiator well he was still trying to grass this we come out of a training the security guard that led us in to the secure building the same guy that led us in in the morning is there waiting when we come out he's got on a uniform that says he works for allied security and at the time my son is saying I don't think people are always nervous about saying yes so we're staying in front of the security guard he's at work he's seen us before he's got his allied security uniform on and I look and I'm gonna go do you work vanillite security he goes what makes you ask I just look at my son and I go you'll be shocked doesn't matter what it is is today Friday somebody asks you that you know they're going someplace with that and you're gonna be reluctant there may have been a point in time and actually there's an academic study that refers to this Izmir agreement and they say it works when you look at any study make sure you look at how they gathered the data and decide for yourself whether or not they thought it was legitimate data because they seen a lot of studies and I have no doubt there's one out there that says playing basketball makes you tall people will misinterpret the data this doesn't work ask yourself how much you like it so something should be thinking like all right now what am I supposed to do you guys know who this is Jack Jack wells right Jack Woltz at a book signing in Los Angeles it's a couple of years ago I'm going to the book signing I'm an actress Jack to come speak to the negotiation course I teach at USC I'm gonna stand in line with 300 people everybody how many of the people in that line when they get up to Jack Woltz you think of their gun and try to ask Jack wells to do something pretty much all of them right how many people that day try to get Jack Woltz to say yes to something how jumpy are they when I come up and I get within arms like the Jack Welch am I gonna stand there and talk to him for 20 minutes they got 300 people in line behind me do they know who I am have they got my ID if they put me through a metal detector do they know whether or not I'm carrying a gun as it turns out I am carrying a gun they don't know that I get this close to Jack Welch I could do whatever I want to I could hurt them if I want they can't stop no shortage of reasons why people are jumping you're me what do you say I'm gonna come talk to my class trying to get him say yes or something right yes it's a trap I told you yes is a trap what you haven't been willing to to experiment with and see yet but you will if you look for it at all here's what I said the Jack Welch and this is this part of the hack is just insanely stupid I said is that a ridiculous idea for you to come and speak at the negotiation course a teach at USC notice which word I'm looking for he looks at me and he looks up into the left and he gets really into any freezes and the move and I think to myself I just killed Jack Walsh dude's old right he's so furious he just had a stroke and he's gonna follow her dead right in front of me so when he doesn't die initially I'm relieved but he still doesn't unfreeze nine things he looks furious and he's gonna start yelling scary instead he looks at min he says this is my personal assistants name this is special Twitter account we have set up to communicate with her I will call her and tell her who you are and what you're after I think we're gonna be in Los Angeles in the fall if we're in Los Angeles in the fall we'll come and speak to your class how many answers was that how many questions would you have normally had to ask to get that many answers who should I speak to how do I get a hold of them will you call them and let them know that I'm gonna be calling will they know who I am what's your schedule look like give that some thought on a consistent and regular basis as nervous as people are about saying yes they feel so comfortable saying no which you will be shocked and what people are willing to say no to comfortably that they will then lay out five more answers a calibrated note is worth at least five guesses you guys think you like yes what if you could get five to seven yeses all in a row based on one question we see this regularly when it's important I do not bother with the word yes I have no use for the word I get five times farther trigger and no regularly any one of your yes questions can be switched to are you against do you disagree have you given up on is it a ridiculous idea is it a bad idea drop that in the front of your yes questions you'd be shocked at how much farther you get instantly most of the people that we train don't even bother with words yes any more two useless words yes first of all yes is nothing without how anyway because there's three kinds of yeses commitment confirmation and counterfeit and since that yes momentum nonsense has been used on us so much people get real good at getting account given the counterfeit yes because you've heard it before when and thought you had a deal and had it fall apart haven't you it's happened to everybody don't bother with the word now what happens if triggering know is not enough here's where you want to be this is a response you want to get out of people not you're right cuz you're right is what they say when you're making your case and you know when they say you're right to you when you're making your case what do they want they want you to shut up if we joke around this about this inside my company we say you're right is code for shut the [ __ ] up but people say it in order to preserve the relationship but it gets you to shut up as a matter of fact you do it all the time you got a colleague who won't let leave you alone you want him to shut up and go away you look him in the eye no you're right leave and you go back to what you were doing they come storming back in the next day I thought I agree we talk about libido you look at it begin ago you're right and they leave again I'm tell I know that every person in this room did this at least once this week but that's right as the difference now the question becomes does it work on social pass so as that kidnapping negotiator I'm working kidnappings all over the world Americans doing stupid things and this is an American that did something stupid in the Philippines and this is a sociopath that's God and this is the negotiator than I am coaching and we go round and round for months and finally and make no mistake this guy in a bandana is a murder and rape and killing sociopathic murder and machine does empathy work on sociopaths this guy's a sociopath this is a poster child for social class we're several months into this and we're gonna lay a heavy-duty dose of empathy on this guy which is say everything they're thinking saying and expressed from their point of view until they say that's right ten million dollar ransom demand for the American on the table the ten million dollars for more damages for five hundred years of oppression from the Spanish to the Japanese to the Americans now immediately all of you are tuning tuning out because you're saying to yourself I've never been in an argument where the person on the other side was bringing up stuff from the past that didn't matter anymore that doesn't happen 500 years of oppression after about four months of back-and-forth I put my guy in a phone get it that's right out of him lay it all out you're not asking for ransom for the American you're asking for war damages for economic harm the Southland Philippines for five hundred years of oppression from the Spanish to the Japanese the Americans he ingested suffer at all you know Filipinos anyway your separate moral independent homeland it's being oppressed by the current regime and Manila it's held up by the latest colonial invaders who are the Americans lay it on thick my guy talked to the terrorists and laid it on thick and it was a moment of silence and a terrorist said that's right and the ransom demand went away we went from ten million dollars to zero in that moment it went away the sociopath let it all go the case took a couple twists and turns about four months later on Maundy Thursday the Thursday before Easter then I Jesus prayed in Gethsemane the American walked away walked away he's walking down a dirt road local farmer sees him says you must be the American has been kidnapped it says I am the alert the Philippine military the military comes down picks him up flies into Manila they hold a big press conference the military says in a daring rescue operation we have rescued the American said there the game arrived we got him out of the country I'm back in Manila about three weeks later I connect back up with my guy he says you're not gonna believe who called me I don't know who called you the terrorist sociopath the killer the killing machine called him and said have you been promoted yet I don't know what it was he said to me on the phone you're really good they should promote you hangs up the phone what's he saying in that moment and think the context in this negotiation the sociopath got nothing and he called his counterpart to say I felt respected by you I talked to you again we're okay which is the way that everybody you interact what should feel when they get done with the interaction regardless of how the outcome goes they should feel so respected and so heard that they can get nothing and say to you we're okay I deal with you again all right real real quickly we got a free only if you want more only if you want more because I think I think everybody's getting a copy of the book we've got a weekly newsletter we put it out it's free and federal colleague that his favorite phrase was if it's free I'll take three so only if you want more this is a free newsletter comes out every Tuesday short sweet articles it's not one of those newsletters that has 50 choices where you after you decide what you want to read you got to go take a nap because it's so exhausting short sweet concise send a text FBI empathy all one word don't let your spellcheck make it two words send that message FBI empathy all one word to the number two two eight two eight two two eight two eight it'll also let you know about different training that we have coming up we've got some stuff coming up in LA next week as a matter of fact but we've got a lot of free stuff too I mean we've got a we got a lot of stuff we do a lot to try to help you get better a lot there's a lot out there that there's no charge for avail yourself of the stuff that's free first when you approach people with an approach of respect and understanding you'll make mistakes I made I made a mistake here they banned me from CNN you'll make mistakes you take this kind of approach with people that you interact with trying to get it right that important part is trying to get to get all right you don't have to get it right here's the kind of difference it can make in your life gentleman who's wrote the book read the book in Florida applying it in real estate ridiculously successful said you gave me my son back had serious problems with his son used it to re-establish relationship with a 16 year old boy another colleague who's got a great feel for this uses of stuff to negotiate 100 million dollar deals is that a family reunion was young a sister is a primary caregiver for their ailing father and he said she had too much to drink if she started in on me I've seen her do this before with my older brother my sister now I know it's my turn cuz it's never good he said I had one goal in mind make her feel heard not dispute anything she said he said went on for an hour an hour the next day she sent him an email that said I attacked you yesterday and you showed me nothing but love thank you for being my big brother use this stuff not just in your business but on the people in your lives they'll make you like better thanks for spending time with me [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause]

Channel: The Black Swan Group

Views: 275,150

Rating: 4.8962131 out of 5

Keywords: never split the diffeence, the black swan group, chris voss, secrets of hostage negotiators, negotiation skills training, tactical empathy, getting to yes, communication at work, how to improve communication, methods of persuasion, components of emotional intelligence, effective communication techniques, influencing skills, increase sales, effective sales skills training

Id: s8oTmfx1c9Q

Length: 45min 29sec (2729 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 29 2019