The BEST Way to Build Trust In Negotiations | Chris Voss

what business you in I think you guys are in the trust business what business was a hostage negotiator in I was in the trust business but take the word trust out and drop in the word predictability and then things begin to change because as soon as you begin to make things more predictable and understandable now you begin to help them in huge ways your clients buyers and sellers match almost exactly the psychological profile reactions of the family members of a kidnapped hostage somebody's family member gets kidnapped their child gets kidnapped and their hopes and dreams for the future of been hast taken hostage have been hijacked when your home is for sale or you're trying to buy a home these our hopes and dreams for the future very same profile you can google the most stressful events in people's lives and buying or selling a home especially selling a home is a very high on that hit parade and the other interesting thing about this is the very same as a kidnapping is when a kidnapping starts the family doesn't know when it's gonna be over even though I know I can guess within if I know the profile of the case and I know the country that it's in I can guess within either week or a month as to how long it's gonna take I know but they don't know they haven't been to this before one of the definitions of traumatic stress is that it's unrelenting they don't know when it'll be over your clients your buyers and sellers they don't know when this is going to go away they don't know when it's gonna be over and that is overwhelming for people that's why they call it traumatic stress in the kidnapping business we found out that the families of kidnap victims suffered traumatic stress at the same rates as the victims because they didn't know when it was going to be over so that being said what are some little things that you can do to make it easier when but these guidelines that I'm going to share with you and I heard some of them talked about yesterday word-for-word by some of your top professionals in a room we didn't have one single family go off track go in the wrong direction not follow our guidance when we followed some of these simple things one of the things that I told that father when I spoke to him on the phone since he doesn't know how long the kidnappings gonna last for sure even though I've already given him a time frame and I know as soon as I hang up the phone with him that the fear is gonna come rushing back in if he doesn't know the next time I'm gonna call him it's overwhelming but I tell him I'm gonna call you back in an hour every time that I spoke to him on the phone I said you'll have me back on a phone in an hour the father if he doesn't know how many days it's gonna be he's gonna be scared to death but if he knows he's only got a lasts for an hour he can hang in there for an hour I heard Super Mom yesterday talking about calling her clients three times a week no matter what that's phenomenal advice because if you've got a client that doesn't know when it's gonna go through they're sitting there waiting for the phone to ring not knowing when it's gonna ring the unknown is a huge stressor here's how bad of a stressor the unknown is before I became a hostage negotiator I was a member FDIC what and I tried out for the bureau's version of the Navy SEALs and an FBI has something called a hostage rescue team and when I try not for them their maximum psychological stressor for us to try to get us to break was simply the unknown they take us for a run and we'd want to know how far we were gonna go so we know how fast to run if I know I'm gonna run for an hour if I'm gonna run for five miles I know how fast to run and they take us for a run and they just say start running we're done when we're done now every single time they took us for a run it was for about 45 minutes but they take you out on a run and if you know you're gonna go 45 minutes I can run seven miles if you run a lot you know exactly how fast you run you can pace yourself if you don't know it's supposed to stress you out especially if they're trying to run you into the ground they're unknown if that's the maximum stressor for special forces around a planet imagine what the unknown is a stressor for your clients is and I mentioned how far you can go instantly if they know they're gonna hear from you three times a week no matter what you have just now stepped up your game in terms of being in the trust business because you're adding predictability to it they trust you more they give you more latitude do you thing I love that I heard that supermom said yesterday to which we did and I had to learn this the hard way when we're in the midst of a kidnapping that we know it's gonna last months weeks and many of them did some of them last years I would coach all of my negotiators if you got nothing to tell the family call him up and tell him you got nothing bring him on the phone they know they're gonna hear from you every couple days call him on the phone and say look I just want you to know there's nothing new and if families would love that I learned that the hard way because there was a Department of State citizen services guy who was doing far better with the families and we were on the international kidnapping so I finally said well you know they'd love you what are you doing since I call him every couple days and if I got nothing new I tell him I got nothing new they love it because it adds predictability and stability and they can now they can cope with the uncertainty supermom yesterday said you know what if I got if I got no showing so if I get nobody's come in to see the house I call him and I and I say look nobody's been in to see the house and your gut instinct is gonna be on it's gonna make me look stupid it's gonna make me look like I'm not doing anything that is not what it does it makes you look like you're watching out for them it helps and in a way that they don't even understand you're now helping to mitigate that stress for them now the other thing this is also which was I really wanted you to get the distinction in this this is not calling I'm on the phone and saying how you doing how you doing it's not calling on the phone saying how are you and I can remember one time one of my negotiators in the any division we had a sister in the Cincinnati area and I heard about this this young lady this woman the entire time because everybody was scared of her when I finally met her in person I was blown away because she was as buoyant positive upbeat kind of like young pixie woman and I was like this is a girl that everybody's scared of because she she didn't take nonsense she was a no-nonsense kind of person so my negotiator says you know I'm call I'm tired of calling her on the phone and asking her how she's doing and having her bite my head off and I said to me are you kidding me how do you not know how she's doing this sister's been held hostage by terrorists how are you doing it's a silly question I told you to call her and tell her you got nothing new it'll take you three seconds but he felt that made him look stupid he's supposed to be FBI supposed to have all the answers you know we got computers we got satellites I can't call him and tell him there's nothing new believe me the distance that that will go to help people relax while their child their home their hopes and dreams for the future is on the line in your hands touch base with them regularly and just give them simple updates and you'll be amazed at how far it will go and don't don't start by saying how all right my friends you have a decision to make this is what's coming at you starting tomorrow you can only be in one of three places you're either going to be the same you're gonna be worse or you're gonna get better those are the only three choices the same worse or get better now two out of three of those choices require effort here's how you can move your real estate negotiation skills forward what you see in front of you right now is a Black Swan groups website it is that black swan L tv.com this is what you see as soon as you get to the site go to negotiation services and then on the drop-down box you see training for individuals click on training for individuals that opens up this window now let's scroll down there's the live events for winning with tactical empathy negotiation basics the online course and then of course further down we see real estate success with never split the difference online course click on learn more this is the cost to enroll now this is the investment in you $199 gives you 6 months of access there are 8 video lessons here these are the 8 lessons covering every aspect from the beginning to the end whether you're a buyer's agent or whether or not you're a seller's agent flourishing as a professional real estate agent to finally the bargaining process and bringing it all together we worked really hard on these lessons we put months of work into these lessons they are powerpoints with audio instruction walking you through every aspect of what you're faced with we want you to succeed you are a bargain at 6% as a full fee full service agent you are a bargain and we want you to get everything that you've worked hard for so you can advance your life so that you can advance your family's life so you can give your kids a better place to live so you can give yourself a better house at a better future we wish you the very best

Channel: NegotiationMastery

Views: 88,729

Keywords: negotiation tips, tactical empathy, negotiation training, emotional intelligence, effective negotiation skills, negotiation strategies, sales, methods of persuasion, effective communication techniques, Master Class, getting to yes, the art of the deal, crucial conversations, elevator speech, value proposition, Win win, how to deal with a difficult negotiation, Negotiation secrets of an FBI hostage negotiator, negotiate, covid19, coronavirus, covid-19, corona virus

Id: Exwp8A-nIX4

Length: 10min 27sec (627 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 15 2020