Accelerate 2018 | Former Top FBI Negotiator Chris Voss

[Music] and I'm excited too really excited to introduce our next speaker it's kind of interesting so you know when you when you think about actually the shift to 210 and centricity you think about the relationships that need to be created that need to be evolved between the landlord and the tenant the conversations that happen have to evolve too and the negotiation and how it happens has to evolve as well and so we we've got a gentleman who is our next speaker is the former lead international hostage negotiator for the FBI this is this is someone who's been in incredibly interesting and challenging situations where he's had to negotiate life and death to get people out of very difficult situations and bring them back home he's also the author of what is one of the most impactful negotiating books on negotiation that I've ever read we've had many people in our organization read it it's kind of fundamental to how we think about sales and the conversations that we have with customers it's called never split the difference it was a best-seller I strongly recommend this book to anyone who is in a professional context who has to have conversations and get to a positive result to those conversations so if you haven't read it you're gonna have to pick it up if you haven't read it you're in for a huge treat in hearing Chris Voss come up here and speak so Chris why don't you join us on stage and everyone once you join me in welcoming Chris to the stage I'm gonna hand it over to him thank you wow what kind of an introduction I'm kind of curious to see what I have to say myself let me start with this both carrying on a verbal love affair with the word hostage listen you do not hold people hostage or engage in ransom taking to get a hundred percent of your way they're trying to hold veterans hostage the courts Obamacare and the American people you cannot negotiate with a hostage situation we've got a group of folks who think that they can hold America hostage the president somehow wants to keep this hostage they've taken hostages no person should be held hostage holding our government hostage holding the u.s. hostage hold the entire country hostage hold them hostage don't hold anyone hostage they took hostages hostage taking stop taking hostages they had to take the country hostage well whether or not it's it's it's correct to kind of use the hostage terms by politicians when you see this as somebody who's negotiated a lot when you see what's going on Washington what jumps out to you well there's two things about that you know on a personal note I like that they use the word because then it gives me a chance to be on your show [Laughter] able to focus on anything his company is called the Black Swan group that is the baddest-ass name I have ever heard I love that now what is the Black Swan group that's like the coolest what is that thank you very much a Black Swan is something unusual that has a great impact and we like to think that the way we negotiate has a great impact all right and how often you get a chance to tell a joke that makes Anderson Cooper laugh anyway right all right so is it there's a business lesson in there there's there's a lot of interesting lessons in there actually you know you know what a hostage negotiator really is a practicing neuroscientist you know because what I do for a living there's a hospital ago shooter I sold jail sentences and I had buyers we invented this stuff way back in the 1970s and it took basically in the last five six seven years even find out that everything that we talked about in hostage negotiation actually followed brain science rules and we were applying neuroscience rules which is sort of beyond psychology now that wouldn't see how the brain actually works inside the impact that we can make on what people do in their decisions to get what we wanted so what was the neuroscience rule in that video one of our sayings is never be sure sure of what you want it wouldn't take something better I'm gonna hit on this a couple of times because I caught a little bit of one of the breakouts earlier and Mike Frandsen I believe said something that really resonated with me said you know what sit down you're trying to you're trying to make a deal in commercial real estate find out what's important to me I'll find out what's important to you you're gonna discover some metrics and nobody realized we're really important we're gonna make a great deal right sounds interesting how do you do that right first of all neuroscience rule excuse me you have to 31% smarter in a positive frame of mind give that just a little bit of thought because only about a third of the rumor naturally at best are naturally in a positive frame of mind only about a third of the room maybe and even then it's hard to stay in a positive frame of mind on regular basis because her brain is in fact wired to be negative now there's an awareness of that in ourselves and awareness in our counterparts to understand how that applies but how could that be how we wired to be negative because we needed to stay alive from the caveman days what happened to the optimistic caveman yeah the mr. caveman came by a cave and said you know what it's dark in there and last time we went by there's all going in and never came out but I'm an optimist I'm gonna go in - then you got eaten the pessimistic guy was like I don't care I'm not going in there those are the guys that survived and it's still wired into our brain so we're wired to be negative and we got it we got to have a way to deal with deal with that so we're not naturally in a positive frame of mind but a 31% jump that's no small jump it impacts them and impacts you I don't tell that joke on Anderson Cooper Jeffrey Toobin does not say the Black Swan group that was the best commercial I ever had how many times you think I played that tape this is a Black Swan group that's a baddest-ass name I ever heard where'd you get that he does that spontaneously in a moment and it benefits me it's a little bit different between what's appropriate contextual for the moment you know and being funny you can't be funny but you can have humor in the moment it makes you smarter it makes em smarter makes them more likely to reveal stuff to you or give stuff to you that'll work makes them think of things that'll work imagine if they were getting ready for that clip and Jeffrey Toobin would have said in advance you know Black Swan that's kind of badass I'm gonna I'm gonna say that when we come on air and it would have said no you're not the producer would have gotten is here and said no the see and CNN does not stand for comedy we're not telling jokes here but in the moment he uses it appropriate to the moment and it works here's some stuff that should scare you about this it should scare you they did a psychological experiment psych neuroscience experiment knowing that you're in a positive frame of mind can we fool you into thinking you're in a good mood how would we fool you into thinking you're in a good mood it took people they asked them to hold a pencil in your mouth said don't let your lips touch it you're smiling is there a hardwired connection between the muscles in the face the nerves in the face in the brain do they see the brain pick up anyway they did you can force the smile on your face and give yourself more mental capacity even when you're angry another one that should scare you and this has to do with some data from women but be careful about your data sources because this is on women but as human beings you had when you see data misinterpretation of data will cause some people to say playing basketball makes you tall does it make sense right so give you a couple of examples and it's human nature data it's not gender or age related women who are depressed they gave them Botox to keep him from frowning instantaneous change in the mood instantaneous change in the increase in mental abilities by not allowing them to Frye said because the woman knows because they're human beings the wiring that we're gonna talk about that I'll discuss with you that hostage negotiation negotiators have been applying for years applies because you're human what does that mean to you is it cross-cultural well I'm afraid the only limitations on this it only works on people every hostage negotiation team in the world uses the same skills the same eight basic skills which you know I refer to as the FBI eight and my company we call them the negotiation nine we've added one but the hostage negotiation teams in Tel Aviv the hostage negotiation teams in Cape Town South Africa hostage negotiation team in Tokyo Japan Haasan's hostage negotiation team in New York City always the same skills cuz you're humans it's an ultimate and cross culture application because we all have the same basic wiring regardless of gender ethnicity age doesn't matter the same basic human wiring and you know there's a lot of discussion of the difference between generations and Millennials this Gen X that baby boomers this person I don't care you've all got the same wiring and all of what we're talking about and all the different people that have spoken to you today of talk about improving the tenant experience increasing the number of proposals you get out based on the exact same number of tours increasing the percentage of proposals that are accepted it is the application of these ideas in a very beginning that will in fact get you more business getting more done same amount of time probably less time actually these indirect approaches one of the when I was with the FBI I oversaw hostage negotiation team to cross the country and I saw this emotional intelligence approach we didn't call it emotional intelligence back then but that's what it is it's application of emotional emotional intelligence I remember specifically the team we had Atlanta were really good at the skills team we had in Portland we weren't quite as good guys in Portland much more direct much more argument based much more explaining much more making the case guys in Atlanta took their time guys and gals I use guys as a generic term guys in Atlanta took their time way more slow-moving than the guys in Portland they would turn out on the same sort of hostage siege guys important would take eight hours to get done the guys in Atlanta will get done in three talked about saving time so how do we do this and let me let me say a little bit more out about Who I am alright so they told you that I was the FBI's lead international kidnapping negotiator what did that mean what that meant was any American got kidnapped anywhere in the world it was my job to come up with a negotiation strategy to get him out of harm's way I'm not talking about arrests by governments the Koreans that will read Korean Americans that recently North Korean released in anticipation of further diplomatic negotiations with the Trump White House those people that came out that would not have been something I worked they were held by a government I'm only working people that are grabbed by criminals and terrace so you might ask yourself how often was Chris was busy in his job well it's a big world there a lot of Americans doing stupid stuff so it's fairly busy then one of the other things that needed to learn too is and it's key to any negotiation what is it to me doesn't matter what matters is what is it to the other side you know the kidnapping is to the other side commodities exchange thus it's a horrible thing to them it's another day at the office it's a job two commodities business commodity happens to be human beings those commodities business it was up to me to accept that it was up to me to know the market price and the velocity the market what's the velocity how soon did they need to get a deal done what do they expect on pricing whether they expect on time so as a business they have a division of labor and kidnapping the people that are in charge of acquiring the commodity they're people in charge of transporting the commodity there are people in charge of housing the commodity they're people in charge of negotiating for the release of the commodity there's people in charge of delivering the commodity to the customer it sounds like a business right how many guys see the movie man on fire then so Washington right who did he go she ate with in that voice guys job was to do negotiations he didn't go out grab people that was his end of the deal Haiti I get a call one day twelve-year-old boys been grabbed 18 Haiti now what's the business model in Haiti at the time it was pretty cool business model I was really impressed with it card and this is before the earthquake carjacked a car with more than one person in it keep the car and one person let the other person go you've immediately handled all your marketing you've notified your customer that you have a transaction to engage them with your notifications instantaneous if they were riding in a car together the person you let go probably knows the time that the other person got grabbed secondly why a car if they got money for a car and I got money for gas they probably got money Ransome you got a car in Haiti at the time you get more money than most people you pre-qualified your customer now here's the part that I love the best what happens if you grab the one person in the family that nobody likes you got a car so we get a call that 12 REO boys have been grabbed an American citizen at the time one of the interesting things to also was Haiti is a revolving door of kidnappings I mean we're working we're working on constantly bad guys don't know other grabbing Americans their grip and they think they're grabbing Haitian citizens which is the case in most kidnapping industries around the world most of the Americans that grab most of the time are dual nationals so they think they're grabbing Haitians now how could this be such a big deal in Haiti why is this going on they're stronger than many other places other than fact they've got other problems do you guys know how many countries in the world you're sitting of if you're born there like I know my accent doesn't be betrayed I grew up in Iowa I'm just from a small town in Iowa son of Richard Joyce boss Mount Pleasant Iowa I worked here in New York City for 14 years but there were more people in the building and worked here in New York City than in a town I grew up in but I figured you know your boys country it's it's just the way the world it's just a natural natural law because that that happened here it must be that way everywhere do you know how many countries does anybody know it's argued that there are two developed nations only US and Canada no country in Europe are you citizen of if you're born there Australian own English they think that's funny that you think you're entitled the citizenship just because you were born there it's one of the great things about the United States I'm gonna bash American patriot I'm a fan of this country I don't think this country is perfect it's still stuff that will working our way through but this is one of cool things about the United States cuz Haitian moms understand that the one of the best gifts they could possibly give their child on a child's literal first birthday is a gift of American citizenship and everything that comes with that so Haitian moms are finding their way into American store soil legal legal or illegal such how can be an American citizen this is a cool thing so in this particular case toddler boys an American citizen his father's not but his father knows that his sons in America it goes to your Semba see for help the embassy says the FBI is gonna be there to help you now I don't know what he thought of when they told him that or what do you imagine would happen next to his mind I can only imagine he'd figured maybe about 15 minutes later he here up on the front door and bang nice guys there maybe but it stand about 15 minutes later he gets a cop a call from some guy in Washington DC and Chris Voss and he literally says to me on the phone you're in Washington DC how you gonna help me how long do I have for he hangs up the phone you're me what do you say seriously how long have I got 10 seconds maybe you guys know how long it takes to make a first impression 7 to 10 seconds same amount of time exact same amount of time you know what it takes to make a good first impression do you know what the other people are looking for from you and I'm here to tell you everybody you deal with every person in an any commercial transaction every person walks through it in your buildings is saying that exact same thing to themselves about you and you have the same amount of time that I had and what are they looking for from that impression do you know trust and competency can I trust you with the things that important to me can I trust you with creating a space for my company can I trust you with the future that's coming at us in the next six months to five years so that we don't go the way of the dodo you guys know there's a 40% turnover in a fortune 500 every ten years right companies know that if they don't do it right they will become extinct and what they're trusting you with are the hopes and dreams for the future what was his father in Haiti trying to get me to reclaim for him but what is a child other than the hopes and dreams of a family's future and house now maybe they're not hanging up literally on you as fast as he was gonna hang up on me but it's the same amount of time the rules don't change how much time you have to get through to them so what do you say you mean what do you say you're you what do you say what do you say do you want to get your son out no I know what I'm doing I've done this before trying to establish competency right in a case I'm going to tell you about in a little bit the first time I was in Philippines I took that route first time I was in the Philippines we're kind of kidnapping they walked me into a room that literally everybody other than the President of the Philippines is in cabinet secretaries ahead of the police cut and it's a National Police so hello police is not the local PD it's a National Police Secretary of Defense the only reason the president's not theirs because the president's personal advisor is I'm there I'm the guy from the FBI FBI's lead international kid negotiator is the FBI's subject matter expert on kidnapping I was a representative for the FBI to the National Security Council I represented the US government in the g7 meetings on kidnapping I was the US government's rep they walked me into the room basically for all intensive purposes say this to me also and so what do I do when the Attorney General's Award for Excellence in law enforcement the FBI agents Association Award for distinguished and exemplary service joint terrorist task force in New York City for 14 years had negotiated for the city of New York for the FBI now not only have I trained a Quantico and Scotland Yard I write the book that they trained from the Quantico I have just studied it I write it and I can tell you that when I laid out my extensive qualifications they were suitably unimpressed they may as well have yawned right in my face why is that because your resume regardless of how impressive it is correlates loosely with whether or not you know what's going on if a resume coordinated exactly was whether or not you could do the job there would never be a bad hire and no one would ever lose their job there would never be a bad fit I've done this wrong before and had it be useless a waste of time what did I say the father in Haiti here's what I said all right Haitian kidnappers I'm not killing kidnap victims these days I realize that's really stupid because Haitian kidnappers kill each other at the drop of a hat but they're not killing kidnap victims now today is Thursday and Haitian kidnappers love to party on Saturday night so if you say the things I want you to say when I want you to say them we will have your son out by late Friday or Saturday morning and he said tell me what you want me to do and we had his sundown Saturday morning now let's break down a little bit of what I've said or what I didn't say and I would ask you did it take me less time to say that than a Ted took me to lay out my resume you're under time pressure understand what actually takes the most time and how effective it is what didn't I do one of the key things that I did not do and it's it's hugely op it's obvious once I point it out I didn't try to get him say yes not once yes is the most useless word out there we don't even bother with it if we need to close something I never use it too close ever we don't we don't it's a useless word there are three kinds of yeses commitment confirmation counterfeit but on the flip side of it is you all got a bad Jones - yes you're addicted to it bad it's gonna be hard for you to get out of it because typically first of all you bring somebody and you said would you like to have wonderful office space would you like to retain your employees for years would you like to have great terms take a look at our proposal every yes is a hook everybody knows yes is a hook everybody knows is a hook buried in every yes the crazy thing about that this is a word depends upon what side war on how we react to it because hearing it we want to hear it it's been yes has been described as one of the most beautiful words in the language the most beautiful word in the language and there's a story John Lennon John Lennon began to fall in love with Yoko Ono when he went to an art exhibit she had it was kind of an obstacle course saying he crawled over stuff and he climbed up stuff and he came to a ladder you crying this rickety ladder and the top of a ladder was telescoping you look through the telescope and a little bit letters on a far wall was a word yeah so we'd love to hear it but we're completely blinded is that how we start to react instantly when somebody tries to get us to say it phone rings you pick it up and the other and the voice says have you got a few minutes to talk what you've got reaction yeah everybody's got reaction there's no say they've been seriously is there anybody in this room then when someone says have you got a few minutes to talk you go thank God you called yes oh yes yes yes yes just ask me anything every time I say yes I'm gonna feel wonderful no where's the hook what's the catch what am i letting myself in for where's this going have you got a few minutes to talk as only an individual example first question you ask yourself if I have a few minutes to talk to I want to talk to you if I have a few minutes to talk and I want to talk to you I want to talk about what you want to talk about there isn't one of us who hasn't received a call from our significant other man or woman man gets a call from a significant other most important personal world to him she says can we talk he thinks well I like talking to you but I don't think I want to talk about you then after that is how long is a few minutes my next younger sister calls me on the phone if you got a few minutes to talk it's always fully fine she's you and that's usually when she has a 45 minute to an hour drive in front of her and she wants to talk to me which means at me which means I don't say a word for 45 minutes and I got another male colleague he's an attorney he's kind of he's got think stuff through he's got a big long 45-minute agenda stuff he wants to walk with me all the way through have you got a few minutes of talks 45 the last question after that is how I get off the phone yes is a problem look around watch people about two years ago my Director of Operations is my son chief negotiation ops officer the Black Swan group cuts all our deals he's great negotiator you would be too if you've been dealing with me since you were three years old it's the only kid in high school who had had a curfew okay you're a hostage negotiator you putting a deadline on me you talk people out of deadlines he never could understand it so he just learned how to talk him out of deadlines but he a couple years ago he still wasn't absolutely convinced that yes made people uncomfortable and so we're coming out of a building over here in Jersey a client that would teach and he says you know I just don't think people are always get worried about saying yes and we're at the security guard who that morning had led us in so he'd given us our passes he was sitting there at walk on duty had a uniform on said allied security so I looked at the security guard I said do you want final ID security anyway yeah I looked at my son I went we want from me guys sitting here in uniform I lied Security's guys guard up cuz I have some good work for hide security and and here's to give you an idea of how much of a problem that's gonna be for you to get out of that and this is a problem cuz your neural your neurons are wired to do this everybody make a fist with either hand put your right thumb up put your left forefinger out some of you natural New Yorkers make sure that's the fore finger please now switch switch back pick it up come on don't give up come on come on he just had a stroke somebody call the ambulance was what I asked you to do complicated no was a difficult yes the cool thing about that though is and some of you had trouble getting that four finger out of first place that was actually the creation of the new neural synapse in your brain it's kind of a cool thing to think about and how come I can do this practice the synapses that fire together wire together it doesn't take that much practice to build a new skill but you're gonna have trouble getting out of yes because you're yes neurons are gonna fire and you're gonna think I'm just trying to get a yes because I'm trying to be respectful and appreciative and I'm not the person that was selling them swampland in Florida or the building that's on the African burial ground that we don't want to learn all about or whatever the problem is it doesn't matter how sincere you are what happens if is essencial decent human being you try to give a battered child a hug they flinch anyway right we've been pounded with this yes stuff for years and just take a look around watch your own reactions take my offer on this to you as a hypothesis take anything that I say is a hypothesis what does that mean what's your obligation you got to test it out maybe there's enough that what I said is just worth going out and finding out and seeing if you see it at all seeing if it's true you should be worried about your addiction too yes one of the single biggest contributors to people not getting back to you on the phone how many of you have people that are not getting back to you on the phone we call them non-responders there was a CEOs of a company that we were interacting with recently we gave him an instantaneous fix for this which I will give to you and he sent us an email back and he said I'm 12 for 12 on my non-responders all 12 got back to me instantly and after CEO of the company's 12 for 12 how many non-responders are going on in his company and how much is that costing them because you non-responders are that the proposal says there the deals that you're chasing and there's an old saying business it's not a bad thing to not get to deal it's a bad thing to take a long time to not get the deal that's what's killing you and the non-responders are the people you're chasing and chasing and chasing you know how many non-responders I have or anybody my company has zero and I will happily tell you that I'm a non responder to a number of people that are chasing us because they're not dialing in properly to me they're not taking the time to pay attention I give me this yes nonsense or they're sending me an email it's a page long how many of you like reading long emails how many of you send them hmm it's a it's the same thing it's crazy how different it is depend upon what side you are on something and how oblivious we could be we hate long emails we send them you hate him you send them so what do you do instead besides stopping this what do I want you to do there's two things I want you to do here's the first one recognize this guy some of you do something the Jack Welch author of Jack and winning alongside his with his wife Suzy they're coming through Los Angeles a couple of years ago they're there they're hustling their book the real-life MBA I go to the book signing Jack Walsh is that I wanted to come speak the negotiation course I'm teaching at the time at USC how many people try to get Jack Woltz to say yes to something at that book signing pretty much everyone I'm right there gonna come up there Jack how are you yeah my kid makes my wife makes a great meatloaf you wanna come to the house tonight god knows what they're gonna ask Jack I got this invention would you pose with it how many people are gonna ask him to try to say yes that day that week how many people try to get Jack Walsh to say yes or something you're me you come up to Jack Welch what do you say and how much time do you have you maybe got seven seconds and even if you get to the second response after him there's 300 people standing behind you in life they walk you up there before you get to them they say what's your name Chris write on a piece of paper so Jack doesn't get it wrong really that's so you know so you don't talk to him and then you keep moving on top of that have they patted me down do they know whether or not I've got a gun if I've been through a metal detector as a matter of fact I do have a gun but he's not in trouble for me they don't have my identification they don't know I'm not gonna hurt him I'm gonna get within arm's length of Jack Welch action is quicker than reaction they can't stop me from doing anything I want to do this is this is the dilemma of bodyguards you get within arm's length as a target you can only stop them after they've done you can grab them after they've killed your target but you can't stop them I'm gonna get within arm's length of Jack Woltz I could do whatever I want I could walk up to him I kiss him right on the lips if I want to right use fall asleep want to make sure you wake up he's gonna wake up screaming the middle a nighttime I walk up to Jack Walsh and this is what I say to him is it a ridiculous idea for you to come and speak the negotiation course that I teach at USC he looks up until the left Jesus they just freezes I think to myself I just killed Jack watch he had a stroke he's so furious and he's gonna die and the Security's gonna attack on me anger dragged me on cuffs I would say but I'm an FBI agent we don't carry kill Jack Welch so initially when he doesn't die I'm relieved but he still doesn't move fine freezes he looks at Minnie says it's my personal assistants name this is special Twitter account we have set up to communicate with her I will call her and tell her who you are and what you want I think we're gonna be in Los Angeles in a fall if we are we'll come in and speak of your class calibrated know is worth at least five yeses no joke cuz think of all the things that he thought through and went ahead and answered for me by triggering the no don't be horrified of no as a matter of fact you'd be shocked at how much farther how much faster you could get as soon as you start going for no instead of yes because when people say no they feel safe and protected again data a situation says there's supposedly teenagers know how to negotiate with parents because they don't take no for an answer it's not teenagers and parents it's humans and humans and teenagers have learned that after parent says no they'll probably listen when my direct now director of operations was seventeen then he said dad can I I would say no and then I would then I would say all right so what was it that you wanted again [Applause] because I felt good I'd already said now I was willing to listen we do this constantly we do this around the world we do this in every industry there are stereotypes out there there are stereotypes that Asians and Arabs will not say no we get them to say no all the time theoretically Arabs version of knows insha'Allah which again like as all this cross-cultural negotiation if an Arab says insha'Allah - you're in trouble what kind of shape you in if an American says I'll try it ain't happening is it does the American version as an Arab version why because they're just people they're using different words for the exact same things that people are people across the planet and this is what happens don't even bother with yes we don't bother with it any yes question you have can be flipped over - are you against do you disagree is it a ridiculous idea have you given up on is our just short a perfect response to the non-responder have you given up on doing business with the Black Swan group have you given up on X Y Z you send that email out and understand it's after a relationship that's been going for a while and they've stopped responding to you they've stopped responding to you for two reasons they're they're losing influence on their side and the way you're communicating with them and principally the way you're communicating with them is to try to get them to say yes or sending them really long emails and the more yes as you get out of people the more - roads and as a toxin on the relationship and a lack of trust until finally they just stop getting back to it because all you're doing is you're pitching you're trying to get them to say yes this stuff have you given up on and you send that email or you can do it in a text message also sit there and wait because you're gonna get a response and anywhere from three to five minutes I'm not kidding no joke try it and see humor me sit there for five to ten minutes and wait for the response we've had people on a regular basis telling people that have not gotten back in them for two months responded that have you given up on less than five minutes now what do you do then there's a little bit of a problem because you're not always gonna get to where you want to go with just have you given with the no or anything you've got to get them to say that's right not your right they say you're right when you've been pitching and he wants you to shut up you're right a secret code for please stop talking we sort of joke around in my account and my company we say you're right is code for fu you know the it's really I want to maintain a relationship with you but please please I can't take anymore please stop talking you know who the world's greatest practitioners of you're right our husbands [Applause] the two millimeter shift is that's right the two millimeter shift is describing to them and this is what Mike was talking about earlier discover what's important to them how do you know when you've discovered it when they say that's right not you all right they say you're right when you were pitching they say that's right when you reiterate it back to them what world looks like to them and he also talked about something called the metrics that you never imagined would be possible those are what we call black swans there's stuff here that you will never know unless they tell you and they will only tell you after they've said that's right and they will then correct you and let you know what matters to them which is a lot quicker way than laying out a ten-point value proposition when only three of those ten matter because all the time that you spent on the seven of the ten that don't matter are wasted time and is what everybody else is doing to them doesn't work on sociopaths this is an American that was kidnapped in the Philippines and this is the social path that's got them and this is a rape and killing murder and head-chopping terrorist straight out of the movies and this is the negotiator that I'm coaching now our social path is calling for 510 million dollars of war damages for 500 years of oppression from the Spanish to the Japanese to the Americans it's a smart move because it makes ten million dollars sound like not that much money phishing harm fishing rights violation economic harm my everything that's happened over the last 500 years now I realize right now you're tuning this out because you've never been in a discussion when someone was mad at you and they were bringing up things from the past that didn't have anything to do with you did you people don't do that that's just crazy only terrorists do that so we get into this and we go back and forth and finally we got to hit the reset button this is what we refer to as the birth of that's right moment because I coach my guy to say today what we're gonna do is get the sociopath to say that's right and you're gonna summarize everything that he said and especially the bad stuff about us that's where you're gonna have trouble because you only want to talk about the good stuff about you but from their perspective the bad stuff about us and lay it on thick because in this stuff this tactical application of empathy this tactical application of FBI empathy if you're not laying it on thick you're not laying it on thick enough so we get on the phone with this guy I'm coaching the negotiator and I coached all over the world that's what I did I coached negotiations and he lays my guy lays it all out five hundred years of oppression Spanish to the Japanese the Americans trosset he's under blackjack Pershing in the 1900s violation of the fishing rights economic harm injustice is unfair you're not Filipinos anyway you're Morrow's and you're being oppressed today by puppet government and Philippines that's held up by the last colonial power which is the Americans and he goes on at all on and on and finance him he gets done there's a moment of silence and a sociopath on the other end of the line says that's right and in that moment we went from ten million dollars to zero the ransom was never mentioned again to the duration of the kidnapping it went away was just gone kidnapping took a couple more twists and turns a couple months later the American walks away just shilling the Americans just walks away local farmer sees him walking down a dirt road sees knows he's gotta be jeffery shilling cuz ain't that many black americans walk around south of philippines says you must be jeffery shilling says i am they flying back to manila the military hold a big press conference president of philippines on one side secretary of defense on the other side Secretary of Defense's and a daring rescue operation we have rescued the American Jeffrey shilling we shot all these terrorists and they were mortally wounded they went off into the brush and died that's why we're are everybodys to show you but it was a daring rescue operation during operation the game arrived two days ago there was a daring rescue operation at Newark Airport where I got picked up and driven into the city said very operation my driver was a daring rescue it I'm back in the Philippines about three weeks afterwards another kidnapping he's gotten kicked off and I kept that connect up with my guy and he says you're not gonna believe who called me on the phone I don't know the terrorists a sociopath he still knows my guy by his undercover names got his undercover number what'd he say have you been promoted yet I don't know what it was he said to me on the phone I was gonna kill the American they're really good they should promote you hangs up what's he saying in that moment I felt respected by him I deal with you again that's what he was saying he was telling him that if they had to deal with each other again he felt respected enough that he would be he would be willing to deal with them as a peer peer to peer base understand the terrace got nothing nothing his organization ended up in a shambles as a result of this and he was still willing to deal with the guy who got the DAX right out of everybody you deal with everybody you deal with regardless of the outcome should feel that way when they get done interacting with you and it takes less time to get there than any of these other approaches you want to talk about finding out about the other side find out what's important to them you want you want to increase the percentages of Tours to people wanting proposals from you or letting you know what they actually need to make it work for them this is the way that you get that this is the way that you get that it's insane deal after deal after deal it will coaching the pivot points not just a pivot point but the leaps forward and the negotiations comes as a result of what we refer to it as that's right the moment so in a second I'm getting ready to take some questions few moments of questions if if you want more besides the book we got a complimentary newsletter comes out every Tuesday short and sweet it's free it's good price it's free I'll take three is what an old friend of mine used to say only if you want more only if you want more some people really like it because it helps them get tuned up and takes them through the week the short sweet articles and not not a lot to digest by the way differences between men and women in negotiation women pick our negotiation style up faster than the men do so guys I'm here to tell you is watch out these ladies give them a pass you by make sure you it's all one word if you decide you want it only if you decide you want it all one word don't leave your spellcheck change it to two words you'll get a text box back you'll be able to sign up I have got a couple moments for a couple questions I'm gonna be around for book signing and more stuff afterwards there any quick questions and I'll show you a short video would be done do we have questions there was a ninth negotiation principle you guys brought kind of after you left the FBI what is that there's a there's a certain dynamic of free that keeps occurring on a regular basis in either the process the number of interactions be interesting in human nature how important the word three is or the dynamic of three so what we refer to this is a combination of two things if someone has ever said yes to you in any circumstance you need to get them to say yes three times in the same conversation to know for sure that it's not a counterfeit yes it's a counterfeit yes everybody knows what tells are with somebody does something physically that lets you know that there's a problem with what they just said people lying with yes to you giving you the counterfeit yes because they're pumping you for information because they're not gonna they're not gonna take your space they just want to see what your terms are so they can use your terms to hammer somebody else which is really common they will never be able to say yes to you twice in row because you love yes so much that they've only ever had to say it once and they'll flinch hard on the second yes so if you got to shake your yeses real hard when you do get to them you got you got a rat them really hard that's that's principally what that is the nine skill the app the application of the dynamic of three any other hands I'll show you the video I have a very important video on preparations critical you may have gathered that some of this negotiation approach requires preparation not a lot about a third of you in a room like the shoot-from-the-hip you like to wing it about a third of you in the room love to prepare like crazy there's a correlation between preparation and success our prep model is not extensive but it does require some preparation so this is a video that underscores the importance of preparation proof of life video that's what they're called the ultimate good news bad news story if you're ever unfortunate enough to see one today hot today's high-stakes rescue mission in Colombia ended a drama that has been dragging on for years Kris Voss is the former FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator he worked on so in terms of preparation one of my preparation issues here [Applause] I'd be a little hard to see but my hair is sticking out on the side now this is the first time I was ever on CNN I'm really excited to be on CNN yeah again Senate rich and Joyce Voss my pleasant Iowa 7,000 people in my time there more people watching CNN than in my whole town so I'm all excited I'm going in I'm gonna be on CNN as stuff I want to know do they have a green room and is it green they have a green room it's not green but it's kind of cool cuz they're always interesting people in there then after you go to the green room you know where you go next make up and I remember the first time I was sitting in that makeup chair and they're pretty makeup ladies putting makeup all over my face and I'm thinking to myself my father's rolling over in his grave right now his son wearing makeup it's just not something that he expected to get done with makeup and you know where you go after that you go into a room which is where they're gonna film it it's a large dark closet you're not in a studio with Anderson the light shines right in your eyes you look right below the light they say that's where Anderson is gonna be you talk to that and then down to the left there's a monitor and they say that monitor is gonna go live when we go live it'll come on I'll show the programming well run do you want it off wrong and I'm like leave that I never saw me on CNN before I want to watch me on TV leave that baby on so we have just gone live I'm looking down at the monitor and I see that my hair is sticking out and I am perplexed and the biggest problem here is the monitor is a mirror image and I don't know which side of my head the hair is sticking out which is really why I look for plex cuz I'm gonna do something about this I gotta know where the problem is some sitting there you know I'm gonna go I generate options I figured stuff out so I got to figure this out so this is the first thing I do this case from the beginning until his retirement just last year he joins me now Chris this has got to be kind of I don't know why I thought moved my head around is gonna help maybe make the hair wave a little bit and I could feel it you can see from the look on my face I'm like Matt and how so I'm sitting there trying to decide what to do what kind of a move can I make like can't you know I can't really go with two hands because you know I look like lo Larry Moe and Curly are the Three Stooges and you know and then like what if I try and it doesn't stay down I probably can't lick my hand well like that so get to figure out what I can do so I'm sitting there trying to start with a remarkable day for you to be so that's not fair Anderson's hair is perfect I know the producer were like hey hey hey let's go split-screen make sure but he sees for sure that bosses hair is a mess Anderson Cooper's haircut you could be in a hurricane his hair look perfect right that's not fair you know I feel like the really heavy guy in the diet commercial this is what you look like beforehand so I'm sitting I'm trying to say what to do you know when can I make my move cuz like my mom's watching this the people that she inner bridge clever watching this then I gotta say you can't even you son doesn't even know how to comb his hair so when can I go it's like that that jump rope game a double dutch like when are you gonna get in where you gonna go when you yeah and so closely involved in this and to finally [Applause] did come to forge damage so the point of the story though is you know they didn't ban me from seeing then after that you know we finished the interview the interview went fine they asked me to come back you'll make mistakes with the people that you deal with you'll make mistakes you know I have to be perfect an approach of respect and appreciation and getting people to say that's right and making them feel heard will carry you through the mistakes that you make you will close more deals you'll put more people out you have longer time great relationships with the people that you do business with so I'm gonna ask everybody to stand up please everybody stand up guys remember at the beginning I showed you a picture of the men in black right well those guys work for me actually remember a little red flashy thing that they had they look this way all right after today everybody that you deal with is gonna feel it respected and appreciated by you you'll find that your conversations will go quicker and you're gonna learn more about the people on the other side or be more satisfying you'll connect more with people who want to know that they're appreciated as colleagues as family members as friends thank you for spending time with me at the end of the afternoon it's been an absolute for love privilege to be here with VTS thank you very much [Applause] [Music]

Channel: VTS

Views: 20,071

Keywords: Accelerate 2018, keynote

Id: BoeaFHJ3eI0

Length: 57min 28sec (3448 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 10 2019