An FBI Negotiator’s Secret to Winning Any Exchange | Inc.

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Let's see needs have people hostage or engage in ransom taking to get 100% of your way they're trying to hold veterans hostage to force Obamacare on the American people you cannot negotiate with a hostage situation we've got a group to think that they can hold America hostage the president somehow wants to keep this hostage they've taken hostages no person should be held hostage holding our government hostage holding the u.s. hostage hold the entire country hostage oh they took hostage well Thursday thanks for hostages they had to take the country hostage whether or not it's it's it's correct to kind of use the hostage terms of by politicians when you see this as somebody who's negotiated a lot when you see what's going on Washington what jumps out to you well there's two things about that you know on a personal note I like that they use the word because then it gives me a chance to be on your show focus on anything his company is called the Black Swan group that is the baddest-ass name I have ever heard I love that now what is the Black Swan group that's like the coolest what is that thank you very much a Black Swan is something unusual that has a great impact and we like to think that the way we negotiate is a great impact all right how often do you get a chance to make Anderson Cooper laughs right all right but there's actually a negotiation lesson in there which I'll get to in a minute but I you know I can remember I was sitting there then and they've got you in a room that's kind of a dark closet a light shines in your eyes and you wait to come on and I'm hearing like hostage this hostage that Barack Obama hostage taking a country hostage and I'm thinking you know I don't know this seems like a straight line I just can't let this go one of the things that we talked about in negotiation and how you will get better as a negotiator never be so sure of what you want that you wouldn't take something better all right so fine yeah what does that mean on top of that how do I make that happen interestingly enough the inside is a negotiation tip there which two-thirds of us are not that good good with I don't tell that joke Jeffrey Tobin doesn't give me the best commercial of my company ever gotten his company is a Black Swan group that is a baddest-ass name I ever heard imagine if they were in preparation and they're talking about going on camera and Tobin says you know Black Swan it sounds kind of cool you know I I'm gonna say it's a badass name Anderson Cooper everybody else says no that's stupid don't do that you know the proof sir gets in his ear and says don't do that that's a dumb idea but getting people to do something stuff Spontini spontaneously in a negotiation how do you do that well the brain works up to 31 percent better in a positive frame of mind 31% it's no small jump you make yourself 31 percent smarter just being in a positive frame of mind you're 31 percent more likely to come up with a better answer in a positive frame of mind we have things in our head called mirror neurons I smile at somebody in the front it hits your mirror neurons you smile back involuntarily what's that happen I've just triggered a chemical change in your brain started to pick up your mental processes with that smile I tell a joke Jeffrey Tobin's brain picks up a little bit more he's in a better mood in a negotiation he's willing to give me one of the best commercials I national TV for free how much do I paying for that never be so sure of what you want they wouldn't take something better how do you make these things happen I'm gonna give you a couple of ideas tiny little things 2 millimeter shifts we're gonna have Tony Robbins here later this afternoon I'm a big Tony Robbins fan he talks about the 2 millimeter ships that make all the difference in the world would it give you some of those 2 millimeter shifts so I was the FBI's leading international kidnapping negotiator I handled the kidnapping negotiation strategy of every American kidnapped overseas might ask yourself how often is Chris Wallace busy when he's doing that well it's a big world there are a lot of Americans doing stupid things and crazy places some of you in this room managed to get away with something bad so we got that way before the earthquake in Haiti we've got a just kidnapping is out of control but it's dual nationals they don't know they're grabbing Americans which comes to be the case in many cases of Americans being kidnapped overseas bad guys think they got a local happens to be a dual national one of the great things about the United States of America do you know how many countries in the world that you're citizen of that country if you're born in that country like I grew up thinking that was just natural and normal yeah I was born in of course I'm a citizen must be that way everywhere one other developed nation Canada not one country in Europe not Australia they think you're born in Australia an American citizen they're the earth´s Australian see Australian citizen they laugh at you it's a birthright that we take for granted one of the great things about this country country is not perfect a lot of good things about it what does that have to do with this story Haitian moms know there's a very best gift they could potentially give their child on their child's first actual birthday it's a gift of American citizenship one way or another Haitian moms by hook or by crook find themselves on American soil so the child can be born American citizenship and all the things that that immediately brings with it so a kidnapping business model in Haiti at the time this is before the earthquake kidnapping is a business it's commodities business to us it's horrible to them it's another day at the office understand the business at your counterparts in how they see it how you see it doesn't matter which it did doesn't it's a business in Haiti business model is it's a great business model car checker car with more than one person in it keep a car in a person let the other person go they're gonna let them know they probably they were in a car with them they probably know who their families you can tell them they got kidnapped I'd if they got enough money for a car and gas money they plug onto money for a ransom get it you got a car in Haiti at the time you probably got some money it's a great target for a kidnapping what happens if you know the person you grabbed was one person and family nobody likes you still got a car it's a great business model say good and if there's a kid in there he's done better families more likely to pay 12 your boy gets grabbed in carjacking and Haiti father is not an American citizen but he knows his son is and he's told that the the FBI is gonna help now I don't know what went through his mind when he was told that the FBI was gonna help him but I could imagine that probably he figured maybe about 15 minutes later he's gonna hear on a front door and Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones were saying you know maybe maybe he might have FBI hats on no no instead 15 minutes later he gets a call from some guy in Washington DC says his name is Chris Foster he's gonna help he literally says to me on the phone you're in Washington DC how you gonna help me how long have I got four he hangs up seriously what do you say what do you say to this guy how do you lay this out how long before he hangs up maybe ten everybody you deal with maybe less intensely when they interact with you says to themself how you gonna help me they don't they don't with less intensity but it's the same question everybody that you interact with it's not an unfair question to ask how are you gonna help me now I've done this wrong before how do I know what to say because I did it wrong before remember the first time I was in the Philippines on a kidnapping which I'm gonna tell you about a couple minutes I showed up the FBI's expert which pretty much at the time made me the expert for the United States government and I'm walking to room that in the Philippines everybody's shorter everybody below the president everybody but the president Philippines is in a room Secretary of Defense president's personal advisor all the cabinet members who are you you know why should we rely on you and I make the mistake of trotting out my resume FBI this many years train not only trained to Quantico but I teach at Quantico now I wrote the book at Quantico lay out my my resume my my experience they might as well have looked yawned in my face cuz they've never seen me before so I've made this mistake before and you guys know a resume correlates loosely with whether or not you know how to do a job if your resume shows for sure that you could do a job you'd never lose one they'd never be a bad hire they'd never be an employee that didn't work out correlates loosely with whether or not you know how to do the job so do I say this father in Haiti I got maybe somewhere between 3 and 10 yes well the line goes there this is what I said all right so Haitian kidnappers are not killing kidnap victims these days I realized it's really stupid because they kill each other at the drop of a hat but for whatever reason and not killing kidnap victims now today is Thursday and Haitian kidnappers love the party on Saturday night if you say the things I want you to say and you do the things that I asked you to do we'll have your son out by late Friday early Saturday morning he said tell me what you want me to do and we had his son out Saturday morning did I lay my resume out did I lay a strategy out I begin to provide value what's your value proposition what I did was I showed him in less than 10 seconds that I saw what he was looking at and I offered the slightest amount of insight into the dynamic and anybody that you deal with the first question they ask themselves is do you see what I see I didn't say I understand to try to shortcut the process it doesn't take that much longer so delay to save time 10 seconds 15 times telling them in no uncertain terms there's no doubt in his mind that I see what he sees and I have the slightest and if I see what he sees the chances are that I got answers to it are very high he never asked me how many kidnappings I worked he never asked me how many times how many kidnappings in Haiti I worked the qualifier questions how long you've been in this industry what's your resume how many times you've done this before he didn't ask me how many kidnappings had worked in Haiti he never asked me how many times I've been to Haiti you know how many times I've been to Haiti never been there he didn't ask me what languages I speak do you speak French do you speak Creole do you know you may ask yourself Chris Voss and I was the international negotiation coach really I coached negotiations all over the world how many languages is Chris Paul speak by now you realize the answer that is almost one and a lot of languages in there I'm happy with complete sentences and don't hold me to pronunciations but I understand negotiations I understand - oh she Asian skills here's a bad news for what's the bad news you know it works where people are involved won't work any other time cuz I get asked all the time I said working real estate it's a working media to media negotiations you know what stuff doesn't work it doesn't work it doesn't work where people aren't involved so I'm gonna talk to a couple get you out of a couple of bad habits real quick what's hurting you the most in your negotiations this is addicted to yes I mean you got a bad addiction - yes you know was that kind of a meeting right hi I'm addicted - yes hi Chris here's the problem with yes we're all taught its of gold the gold end of the rainbow where we want to go do you want to be a better negotiator would you like to make more money would you like to have more free time bigger house buy my book boom yes is always a trap it's always a trap I don't know if this ever was a good idea maybe there was a point in time that it was a good idea to get people in - yes mode or mere agreement the theory of that if I get you saying yes to a little yeses the chances are that you're gonna say yes to the big yes is much higher there's actually a study out there that says that that works if you find out if you hear there's a study that says something more take a hard look at the study see if you agree with how it's done but even better still ask yourself if you pick up the phone six o'clock at night I don't care what time it is one o'clock in the afternoon and a person on the other end of the line says would you like to make more money do you go thank God you called I've been waiting all day long or somebody to ask me that question somebody calls you on the phone and says have you got a few minutes to talk well nobody immediately says yes any question there are three kinds of yeses commitment confirmation and counterfeit people have gotten us try to walk us in the commitment he has so much with confirmation yes that the vast majority of us are good with counterfeit yes that's all you ever hear counterfeit yes nobody in my company or that I've trained ever calls people on the phone and says have you got a few minutes to talk nobody what does that do to you when somebody asks you that's a it's at least four questions in one if I have a few minutes do I want to talk to you I have a few minutes I don't want to talk to you do I want to talk about what you want to talk about how long is a few minutes how do I get off the phone the problem is why all these questions are running through your mind you're actually not listening to the other person it's equivalent to talking to someone who has another person whispering in their ear watch out it's coming you know there's a hook how long it's gonna be there taking you somewhere be careful be careful that person is whispering in there all the time so the very first thing you could do is get out of that and believe me that's gonna be one of the hardest things you have to overcome it's not complicated it's really difficult to break that habit I hope I'm getting you to the point where you're worried about that so you might be asking yourself right so now what am I supposed to do well anybody recognize this guy Jack Welch came through Los Angeles but two and a half years ago with his wife Suzy the real-life MBA I'm at a book signing I want to ask Jack well sir coming be guest speaker at the negotiation class I teach at USC Marshall School of Business in the MBA program how many people in that book son you're gonna ask Jack Walter to say yes or something easily 200 people come through the book signing Jack want to come over to the house Jack come come we be Godfather to my my child how many how many yeses are gonna try to get out of them in the book that day that week how many people are trying to get Jack Walter say yes on top of everything else this is a book signing up to 300 people walking through how long do I have with Jack Welch they ask you your name write on a piece of paper Jack looks ups Chris when I stay keep going they don't want me there for logistics reasons they don't want me bothering him on top of that Jack Walters his celebrity he's legitimate celebrities got a security detail I'm gonna be within arm's length of Jack what so what am I gonna do to him and you know I I could kiss him they don't know what I'm gonna do right how much do I have less time with Jack Wilson I had with the Haitian father so I walked knowing this hostage negotiator I know how the brain works emotionally I woke up to Jack Walton I say is it a ridiculous idea for you to come and speak to the negotiation course I teach at USC and he looks up and to the left of his face just freezes just gets this really intense look on his face and I think to myself I just killed Jack Walsh I mean I got scared first I figured he's gonna fall he had a stroke he's gonna fall over the Securities gonna tackle me they could drag me on handcuffs I'm gonna say but I'm an FBI agent so initially when he doesn't die I'm relieved but now I figure he's gonna start he's still security security he doesn't do that either he looks back you mean he says it's my personal assistants name this is a Twitter account that we have set up her I will call her and tell her who you are what you're gonna be reaching out to her about I think we're gonna be in Los Angeles in fall if we are we'll come in and speak to you class what I get him to say instead of trying to get it you'd be shocked at what people are willing to say no to as insane as it is all the problems of trying to get somebody to say yes the complete opposite happens when they say no people feel protected they feel safe their brain clears up you'd be shocked at what people are willing to say no to I coach some of my students and some of my clients that are in job negotiations to say to their bosses do you want me to fail you'd be shocked shocked shocked at what people will comfortably say no to we do it all the time when you get home Google Ronald Reagan are you better off Ronald Reagan Presidential first time he was elected president when he beat Jimmy Carter their last presidential debate he stood up in front of the American public and said next Tuesday you go to the voting booth next Tuesday you have a decision to make which by the way is exactly what I did when I was laying things out to the Haitian kid now this is what you see this is what you're gonna look at this is what you're faced with Megan is smart enough to just lay this out he knows he's getting your attention by telling you what you're gonna look at he says I just ask you this question are you better off than you were four years ago have you got more spending power than you had four years ago is America in better shape that was four years ago succession of no questions no no no no no says if the answer to any of these questions are yes and then your your choice is clear but if it's no well I'd ask you to vote for me no no no no no make a deal you got elected give you one other subtle insight what if knows not enough what do you do next here's what you want really want people to say this is the game changer it doesn't seem wonderful you see that's right and you don't feel the heavens apart and the birds chirp and a choir sing but when other people say that's right you'd be stunned at the transformation that they go through the last presidential election whether you're a Republican or Democrat when you watched the presidential debates in either candidate that you supported said something that you believed in you you said that's right that's what you say when the other person have said something that you completely buy into there's an actual chemical change that happens it's a combination of an establishment of empathy and epiphany simultaneously and suddenly you feel you so so much more connected to the person that got you to say that's right now I need to point out very clearly that this is not your right your right is the worst form of false agreement that there is it's probably costs people and companies more money across the board and cause people to accuse each other of being liars when one of your colleagues at your job when anybody in your life is after you about something and they won't let up and you want to maintain the relationship but you just want to shut up what do you say to you look him in the eye and go you're right they go yeah and they go away and they come back the next day and go whoa wait a minute we talked yesterday I laid out my case I told you everything I was talking about and you look at them again you go again you're right okay they leave again nobody would ever do that to you would they so the two millimeter shifts from getting the other person to say you're right there that's right does it work on social passes are working kidnappings this American got grabbed overseas he's being held by our friend up here on the right hand side and this is a bad to the bone sociopathic rape and murder and killer named subbaiah so bite is as bad as they come it's no coincidence that he's got on sunglasses a black bandana black t-shirt he always dressed up like this because terrorists like the media that's why you're in a terrorism business you want attention it's a cry for help he always made sure he got himself photographed but like this American is wandered into the wrong place to the wrong times being held and there's a ten million dollar demand for his release this is guy I'm coaching a great human being one of the few people on a planet I would literally trust with the life of my son and in the Philippines this is no small amount of trust he actually recently at the time he was a colonel he recently retired from the Philippines he was the number three general on Philippine National Police a legitimate hero and a bad-to-the-bone himself guy because he was the leader of the special action force which was Philippine National Police version of the Navy SEALs when I met this man he had personally led 30 rescue operations for kidnapping victims that year it was only August give you an idea how often they're out the door and he and his guys didn't take handcuffs so that means 30 firefights we get into the midst of the negotiation with our terrorists still made it for four months and I tell my guy you know what we're gonna do today we're gonna get it that's right out of the other side that's right out of a sociopath that's right out of a killer because if they're not coming down by one penny on the ten million dollar ransom so we coach them up we get the terrorists on the phone and my guy repeats chapter and verse all the other sides of nonsense you know how asking for ransom you're asking for war damages you're asking for ten million dollars of economic harm it's happened in this Philippines for the last 500 years from the Spanish to the Japanese to the Americans in atrocities under blackjack Pershing now I realize that this doesn't apply to you because you would never be in a discussion with somebody where they brought up stuff that had nothing to do with the situation would you nobody would ever bring up something that happened in the past that had been resolved for years and bring it back up again that never happens to you so we summarized all the nonsense that this terrorist had been spouting the sociopaths have been spouting my guy got done there was a moment of silence and a terrorist said that's right another moment of silence and my guy says talk again in a couple of days we went from ten million dollars to zero in that moment it went away they never brought up money again a couple of months later the American walks away we fly them out of the Philippines the terrorists got nothing zero I'm back in the Philippines three weeks later on another case I connect up with my guy he says you're not gonna believe who called me on the phone I don't know who called you on the phone our terrorists still knew him by his undercover name had the undercover number calls him on phone and literally says have you been promoted yet I don't know what you said to me on the phone but whatever was I was gonna kill the American you stop me from doing your really good they should promote you hangs up the phone what's he saying he's saying I deal with you again at the end of a negotiation where he got nothing he called his counterpart up on the phone to pay his respects everybody that you deal with regardless of how much they get out of it should be willing to say to you after the negotiation yeah I'd talk to you again I feel respected by you that's the way you should leave everybody that's what builds a long term career that's what builds success in your negotiations and that approach the tactical approach of empathy and getting that's right side of people give you the opportunity because we made mistakes people used to say to me you know what's it like when the slightest mistake and somebody get killed said it wasn't a slut we're gonna make mistakes I took an approach overall that gave me latitude because I knew occasionally I would make mistakes I do my preparation I'd get into a negotiation I do and I do and I'd say something wrong but take an approach based on this genuinely trying to understand the other side for sociopathic reasons not for missionary reasons but for mercenary reasons because of how much latitude it gives you in the negotiation understand you're not going to be perfect don't try to be perfect so in closing allow me to leave you with this problems how to overcome problems even matter how regardless of your preparation a proof of life video that's what they're called the ultimate good news bad news story if you're ever unfortunate enough to see one today hot today's high stakes rescue mission in Columbia ended a drama that has been dragging on for years Kris Voss is the former FBI lead the International kidnapping negotiator he worked on them so in terms of preparation what have I done wrong here my hair sticking out now this is the first time I was on CNN Anderson Cooper like I'm enthusiastic about being here I mean I think this is cool I'm a small-town boy from Iowa son of Richard and Joyce have lost time to 7,000 people Anderson Cooper a million people gonna watch this you go in there you go through makeup makeup then you put you in a room that's a big dark closet light shines right in your eyes I say look right below the light down to the left is a monitor I say do you want it's gonna go live when we go live do you want it off Iran I go I leave that baby on I never seen me on TV before I want to see me on TV so we have just gone live and I'm looking down as you can see I'm looking down at the monitor and I've realized my hair sticking out the additional problem is the monitors a mirror image so I don't know what's out of my head they're sticking up this is my first issue I got a I'm a negotiator I gotta figure stuff out I got I got a workout option so I have to identify which side of my head the hair is this case from the beginning until retirement of last year I know why I thought move my head around you're gonna make my hair like shake or something and I'd be able to tell but you see from look at my face I'm like now it didn't work I feel the one where it is so I gotta decide what to do how much time do I got my mom's probably watching this back in Iowa all these friends from a Bible study class are watching this you know you can't teach you son how to comb his hair so I'm sitting there trying to decide you know and tonight how can I handle it you know and I realized what can't I do I can't lick my hand and do that some senators on each side why don't they gonna make me look worse I know the Bruce is going like Hanson's hairs perfect let's go side by side somebody can see this thing but is no Anderson Cooper mr. perfect hair on a planet let's make him look bad it's like being the before it was a fat guy in the before-and-after right so I'm sitting there I'm trying to decide what to do when can I make my move how many moves can I make what can I do you know work up the courage closely involved in this finally I'm kind of disgusted right now but it went on to finish the interview and they did ask me back so what I'm here to tell you is you'll make mistakes and they won't be the end of everything and let yourself make mistakes it's gonna be okay have a good steady process where you treat people with respect and appreciation you use empathy in a positive way not because you're a nice guy you are but because it works got a free newsletter texts to sign up FBI empathy all one word don't let it spellcheck it take it out of it so in closing and this is only if you want it's for free only if you want then we bother with it if you don't want remember remember I mentioned Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones at the beginning men in black well they actually worked for me I like everybody stand up please stand up but it stand up remember the little red flashy thing all right got one right here we look up here watch very closely all right after today you'll take an approach with people what's not a problem to treat them with respect you're gonna make people feel good about dealing with you so that no matter what the outcome is they'll let you know that after they dealt with you they're willing to continue to deal with you on other projects because they felt respected they felt appreciation and they felt some kind of way they don't know what it was but they felt like a bond with you so move through the rest of your careers by that with that and you'll be very happy where it takes you thank you for spending time with me today a completely enjoyed beer

Channel: Inc.

Views: 2,123,409

Rating: 4.7286978 out of 5

Keywords: fbi ted talk, fbi, fbi negotiation, Inc. (Magazine), Inc.com, Entrepreneur (Profession), Leadership, fbi negotiation training, fbi negotiation techniques, fbi speech, fbi interview, fbi internship, fbi conference, cnbc live, cnbc, negotiation, negotiating, how to negotiate, how to win an argument, arguments, winning argument, fbi secrets, fbi secrets revealed, fbi behind the scenes

Id: llctqNJr2IU

Length: 33min 11sec (1991 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 07 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/stevenlmartin]

His book, "Never Split The Difference," is pretty good too.

[u/muswaj]

I think dignity is an underlying topic here. Allow those you communicate with to maintain their dignity start to finish. If someone feels dignified, they will not only be more likely to reopen communication with you, but in my experience, they are far more likely to be actively drawn to you and willing to exert effort to make something happen with you.

Respect is easy. Respect can be shown purely by formalities, cultural tradition and courtesy. Dignifying someone reaches deeper into their heart and mind. Because while it's possible to be false in showing respect, or, the act of dignifying someone. It is much more challenging to do the latter and whether people outright know this or not, they live and experience the truthfulness of it.

Just my .02.

[u/seven_seven]

This guy was trash when he went on the Sam Harris podcast.

[u/longhorn617]

The secret is having the ability to throw people in jail if they don't cooperate with you.

[u/trilloctopus_]

What does it mean by exchange?

[u/Jabercaw]

Link was not working. this should work

[u/Alfox73]

What are the main takes on this speech?