PUNISHMENT TIME. SO, LITTLE-KNOWN FACT -- SAL LOVES DOGS. OH, DOGS? YEAH. THAT'S NOT REALLY A PUNISHMENT. WELL... WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO DOGS? [ LAUGHTER ] WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO A DOG? YOU'LL FIND OUT. I'LL STAY. NO! GET OUT! COME ON! WHEN YOU FAIL AT AS MANY CHALLENGES AS SAL HAS, YOU GET PUNISHED. SO, WE'VE DESIGNED WHAT WE THINK IS THE PERFECT PUNISHMENT FOR SAL TODAY. ABSOLUTELY IS. SAL'S A COMPLETE GERMOPHOBE -- CLEAN FREAK. SO, WE'RE HERE AT THE DOG PARK. THE PUNISHMENT IS HE HAS TO GO PICK UP DOG POOP... AND HOLD IT FOR 20 SECONDS. I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO WALK OVER TO THIS DOG RIGHT NOW AND DO THIS. [ DOG BARKS ] OKAY. THERE'S THREE ROTTWEILERS. [ DOGS BARKING ] OH, GOD. HE'S GOING IN! HE'S GOING IN! I GOT IT. I GOT IT! YOU KNOW, PAY IT FORWARD. I'LL DO YOU THE SOLID. NO, IT'S GOOD. I'M A COLLECTOR. [ LAUGHTER ] [ DOGS BARK ] GOOD-LOOKING DOG. [ LAUGHTER ] HE'S GONNA WALK OUT OF THERE AND THROW UP ALL OVER THE [BLEEP] PLACE. [ LAUGHTER ] WHERE DO I GO? [ LAUGHTER ] GET AWAY FROM ME! OH, MY GOD! [ LAUGHTER ] [ GROANS ] HE CAN'T GET IT! [ COUGHING ] HERE. I HAVE A TISSUE. COME ON. YOU KNOW IT'S NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING. HERE. HERE. MORE. COME ON. STOP BEING GREEDY WITH IT! OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. THAT WAS ROTTWEILER [BLEEP] MAN! THAT WAS A 150-POUND DOG! OH, MY GOD! FOLKS, DO YOU KNOW HOW
WE GET TO CENTRAL PARK? HAVE YOU SEEN
ANY HAIR? HAVE YOU SEEN
ANY HAIR? WE'RE LOOKING
FOR MY UNCLE'S HAIR. WE'RE LOOKING
FOR MY UNCLE'S HAIR. [ LAUGHS ] FOR...MY HAIR. I LOST IT
ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO. [ LAUGHTER ] NOW HUG THE DUDE. [ LAUGHTER ] [ LAUGHTER ] OH, MY GOD. SAY,
"THIS BALD ASS[BLEEP]" THIS BALD ASS[BLEEP] [ LAUGHTER ] SHE JUST CALLED ME
A BALD ASS[BLEEP] START DOING
YOUR IRISH STEP DANCE. WHAT A -- [ LAUGHTER ] LOOK AT MURRAY! [ COUGHING ] [ Laughing ] HE'S TRYING TO --
HE'S THROWING UP! [ RETCHING ] [ COUGHING ] YOU JUST SPIT IN MY FACE --
IN MY EYEBALLS! [ LAUGHS ] IT WAS NOT EVEN
A [RETCHES]. IT WASN'T EVEN
A DOT. IT WAS
A LONG [RETCHES]. Joe: CAN YOU GUYS
GET IT TOGETHER? [ RETCHING ] ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. [ BELL DINGS, LAUGHTER ] [ RETCHES ] Murr: Guys, this is
probably a good time to take your lunch break. Sal, you want to go
on lunch break first? Sure. Down at your feet,
there's two skates. The ones on the floor? The ones on the floor. There you go, bud. You got some chicken fingers
and fries in there. I mean, with most sincerity,
go [bleep] yourself. [ Laughter ] All you got to do
is eat one fry. You want to save us?
I ain't doing it. -Can you just eat it, man?
-There's no way I'm eating it. If I eat one,
will you eat one?
No. Come on.
We'll "Lady and the Tramp" it. Oh, guys, you have
to "Lady and" -- man! Ha ha! "Lady and the Tramp"
that fry! Q: Oh, my God! You're not really
doing it, are you? Come on. Come on. -Oh, my God!
-Oh! Oh, God! I can't do it. Oh! [ Laughter ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ Next. [ Buzzer ] SAL'S MADE US PROMISE TO STOP WITH THE "GROSS" PUNISHMENTS. AND WE WILL... ONCE HE STOPS LOSING. SAL, WELCOME TO YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE. HERE WE GO. HERE WE... [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S PUNISHMENT TIME. SO, WHAT WE DID FOR YOUR PUNISHMENT IS WE WENT AND HID IT IN THIS PILE OF GARBAGE... RIGHT HERE ON THIS TRASH BARGE. YOU HID WHAT? SOMETHING OF MINE? OH, OH. I'M SORRY. YOUR BRAND-NEW CELLPHONE. [ LAUGHTER ] YOUR CELLPHONE. [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES ] THERE'S NO WAY FOR ME TO FIND ANYTHING IN THIS. [ LAUGHTER ] GOOD LUCK, BUDDY. GOOD LUCK. GOOD LUCK, BUDDY. [ LAUGHTER ] LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING RIGHT NOW -- I DON'T WANT MY PHONE TO BE IN HERE, BUT MY PHONE BETTER BE IN HERE. [ LAUGHTER ] UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING? YEAH. OHH. IS THAT DIARRHEA? [ LAUGHTER ] OH, MY GOD. THE SMELL IS UNBEARABLE. WE COULD BE HERE A LONG TIME, GUYS. [ RETCHES ] [ LAUGHTER ] IS THAT A USED DIAPER? IS THAT IT? IS THAT A USED DIAPER, OR IS THAT YOUR PHONE? OH, MY GOD. [ RETCHES ] OH, MY GOD. IT SMELLS SO BAD. OHH! SAL. THIS IS MY PHONE. DON'T WORRY. [ LAUGHTER ] OH [BLEEP] [ BREATHES SHARPLY ] HEY, SAL. JUST CALL US WHEN YOU WANT US TO PICK YOU UP. HURRY. FIND IT REAL FAST. [ LAUGHTER ] ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW? [ AIR HORN BLOWS ] BON VOYAGE! [ LAUGHTER ] I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! ARRIVEDERC'. I HATE YOU! CALL US WHEN YOU FIND THE PHONE. JUST CALL US, AND WE'LL SEND THE BOAT BACK. I'M NEVER GONNA [BLEEP] FIND IT! [ LAUGHTER ] OH, MY GOD. OH, GOD. WE'RE BASICALLY ON THE HIGH SEAS NOW AT THIS POINT. AAH, AAH, AAAH, AAH! OHH, TOMATO SAUCE EVERYWHERE! [ LAUGHTER ] OHH, ALL OVER MY [BLEEP] SHOES AND PANTS! HAVE WE LOST SAL FOREVER? [ LAUGHS ] OH, MY GOD. THIS IS SO [BLEEP] UP. THERE'S A FULL GALLON OF MILK! [ LAUGHTER ] A FULL GALLON! GUYS, I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THIS IS. THIS IS [BLEEP] GROSS. AH! AHA! IT REALLY IS MY PHONE! [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] OH, IT'S SAL. YOU'RE NOT GONNA -- VOICEMAIL. OH, GOD. STOP SENDING ME TO VOICEMAIL! GET ME OFF THE DAMN BOAT! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS DIG YOUR HANDS INTO THAT BUCKET AND PULL OUT THE FIRST THING YOU FEEL. OKAY. NOW THIS IS GOING TO DICTATE HOW YOUR PUNISHMENT GOES. UGH. [ LAUGHTER ] SO DIG ON IN, PAL. COME ON. SEE WHAT YOU FIND. OH! I FEEL STUFF. OKAY. [ LAUGHTER ] WHAT IS THIS? AH! FIRE TRUCK! THE FIRE TRUCK! OKAY. JUST GO WASH UP, AND WE'LL GET STARTED. WE'LL SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE. [ LAUGHTER ] THAT BUCKET MEANT NOTHING. WE JUST WANTED SAL TO GET HIS HANDS DIRTY SO HE HAD TO GO WASH THEM IN OUR BATHROOM. [ LAUGHTER ] WE CONTROL THE SINK, THE TOILET, THE CEILINGS, THE WALLS -- EVERYTHING. THE [BLEEP] IS LITERALLY ABOUT TO HIT THE FAN. [ BOTH LAUGH ] AND LET'S LOCK THE DOOR FROM THE OUTSIDE. THERE YOU GO. OH, HE JUST BROKE THE SINK. OH, YOU [BLEEP] DUDE! TURN THIS ON. [ LAUGHING ] STOP! OH! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! [ LAUGHTER ] GUYS! GUYS! NO! WELCOME TO THE BATHROOM OF WELCOME TO THE BATHROOM OF HORRORS. [ LAUGHS EVILLY ] NO! NO! NO! NO! AAH! [ LAUGHTER ] THE [BLEEP] IN ORDER TO ESCAPE, YOU MUST SOLVE THESE RIDDLES. THE FIRST RIDDLE. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SEARCH WHERE YOU GO NUMBER TWO. [ ALL LAUGH EVILLY ] [ Laughing ] YOU JERKS. HIT IT. OH, NO! [ LAUGHTER ] [BLEEP] [BLEEP] JERK-OFFS! RESIDUE! THERE'S RESIDUE OF GERMS! [ LAUGHTER ] WHATEVER JUST SHOT UP FROM THE -- IN THE TOILET, THERE' A RESIDUE IN THERE THAT WENT IN MY MOUTH NOW. [BLEEP] BE CAREFUL, BUDDY. I THINK THE TOILET'S BROKE. [ LAUGHTER ] TRY THE TOP OF THE TANK. UH-OH, UH-OH. OH! IT'S ALIVE! [ LAUGHTER ] WHAT DO I DO? WE KNOW YOU'RE NO MOBSTER, BUT LOOK UNDER THE LOBSTER. OH, MY GOD! I'M SO SORRY, GUY! AAH! [ LAUGHS ] AAH! [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH! HEY! ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. CONGRATULATIONS ON SOLVING THE FIRST RIDDLE. THE NEXT RIDDLE IS, FOR YOUR FREEDOM TO BEGIN, GO WHERE THERE'S MEDICINE. [ LAUGHS EVILLY ] [ LAUGHING ] LOOK AT HIM CHECKING IT OUT. HE DOESN'T TRUST ANYTHING. [ DOOR CREAKS ] HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO, BUDDY. HERE YOU GO. LOOK UNDERNEATH. "WE KNOW YOU'RE FRUSTRATED, BUT DON'T BE BITCHY. YOUR NEXT CLUE IS THE DANCE FLOOR FOR LIONEL RICHIE." OH, THE CEILING. HERE WE GO. [ LAUGHTER ] [ COUGHING ] ALL RIGHT, SAL, TRY TO FIND THE KEY. [ CHUCKLES ] WATCH OUT FOR THE LOBSTER. WHAT?! [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S A HELP BUTTON. WELL, BUDDY, IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN'T GET OUT ON YOUR OWN AND NEED A LITTLE HELP... YEAH, THEN GO AHEAD. ...HIT THE HELP BUTTON. [ BEEPING ] [ LAUGHTER ] HELP! HELP! HELP! AAH! [ LAUGHTER ] WHAT?! [ LAUGHING ] SOMEBODY CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT? [ LAUGHTER ] I GOT YOU. COME ON. OH, MY -- [ LAUGHTER ] Together: HEY! YOU MADE IT. LOOK AT YOU. YOU GOT SAVED BY THE FIRE TRUCK. THAT WAS THE WORST EVER. DO YOU THINK YOUR FATHER WOULD BE PROUD OF YOU? NO. NO, I'M NOT. [ LAUGHTER ] HE'S BEEN WATCHING THE WHOLE TIME! WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE HIM? [ LAUGHTER ] OH, BOY! WE ARE AT THE STATE FAIR MEADOWLANDS FOR SAL'S PUNISHMENT, AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED IN MY LIFE. THAT'S AWESOME. SAL, DO YOU REMEMBER LAST SEASON WHEN WE MADE YOU PICK UP DOG POOP AS YOUR PUNISHMENT? OH, I GOT IT. [ LAUGHTER ] [ YELLS ] YES. WELL, NOW WE'VE GOTTEN BIGGER AND BETTER! SAY HELLO TO BEULAH! [ LAUGHTER ] BEHIND US IS A HUGE PILE OF ELEPHANT POOP! WE'VE HIDDEN SOMETHING IN THE POOP THAT'S VERY PERSONAL TO YOU. WHEN SAL SHOWED UP TODAY, WE TOOK HIS CAR KEYS. WE DECIDED TO HIDE THEM IN THE ELEPHANT POOP. NO, THAT'S -- NO. [ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING, BUT WHEN THE ELEPHANT CRAPPED BEFORE, I HEARD A "BEEP-BOOP" FROM YOUR -- FROM YOUR CAR. All: FIND THOSE KEYS! FIND THOSE KEYS! All: FIND THOSE KEYS! FIND THOSE KEYS! [ LAUGHS ] THIS AIN'T RIGHT, MAN! [ LAUGHTER ] I MEAN, ONCE I TOUCH IT -- YOU'RE IN. YOU CAN'T UN-TOUCH IT. [ GROANS ] [ GROANING ] IT'S A LITTLE DEEPER, BUDDY. WE'RE GONNA BE HERE FOR A WHILE. OH, MY GOD. IT'S SO HARD TO WATCH. All: OH! [ LAUGHS ] HIS BODY WON'T LET HIM DO IT! OOH -- OHH. All: OHH! [ RETCHES ] [ SPITS ] OH, BOY! OHH! DEEPER. BOTH HANDS, BUDDY. BOTH HANDS. I KNOW, BUT THEN I LOSE THIS HAND! [ LAUGHTER ] All: OHH! [ RETCHING ] YOU DON'T KNOW IT'S NOT INSIDE, DUDE. YOU'RE NEVER GONNA FIND THEM THIS WAY. OHH. OH, MY GOD! OH, ATTABOY, BUDDY. ATTABOY. DIG DEEP. SHUT [BLEEP] UP. WHERE THE [BLEEP] IS IT?! [ RETCHES ] [ LAUGHTER ] [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] WARMER, WARMER. NO, IS THE POOP -- IS IT WARMER TOWARDS THE BOTTOM? [ COUGHS ] [ Whimpering ] MY GOD! MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! OH, GOD! IT'S SO [BLEEP] GROSS! [ LAUGHTER ] [ WHIMPERING ] [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES ] THIS IS MY WORST NIGHTMARE! OH, MY GOD! ALMOST TO THE MIDDLE! IN THE MIDDLE! OH, I WAS SUPPOSED TO PUT IT IN THERE? [ RETCHES ] I WAS SUPPOSED TO PUT THE KEY IN THERE? YOU [BLEEP] [ LAUGHTER ] "BEEP-BOOP-BOOP!" YOU [BLEEP] SO ALL THAT WAS... All: FOR NOTHING! YOU KNOW WHAT? GUYS. I [BLEEP] LOVE YOU GUYS. I LOVE YOU, BUDDY. I HAVE THE KEYS. I LOVE YOU. OHH! OHH! OH, MY GOD! YOU HAVE ELEPHANT [BLEEP] ON YOUR FACE! [ RETCHES ] KIDS CAN GET AWAY
WITH ANYTHING. TODAY, WE'RE TRYING TO SEE
IF WE CAN, TOO. WE'LL BE PAIRED UP
WITH A KID WHO'S WEARING AN EARPIECE
HERE IN THE PARK. AFTER THAT POOR CHILD
DOES WHAT WE TELL HIM TO, WE HAVE TO TRY AND GET AWAY
WITH THE SAME EXACT THING. AND IF WE CAN'T DO
THE SAME EXACT THING, WE LOSE. GOOD QUESTION --
WHOSE KIDS ARE THESE? WE DON'T KNOW. DON'T ASK,
DON'T TELL. [ LAUGHS ] Murr: OKAY, MIKAYLA, REMEMBER,
YOU CAN HEAR US, BUT SAL CAN'T. HOW OLD ARE YOU?
7 1/2. BOOM. I KNEW IT. HEY, MIKAYLA,
LICK YOUR PALM. JUST A COUPLE OF BUDDIES
HANGING OUT TODAY. [ Laughing ]
DON'T DO -- WHAT YOU DO -- NOW TOUCH SAL'S ARM. NO,
DON'T TOUCH ME. [ LAUGHTER ] NO, NO,
NO-NO-NO. YOUR FINGERNAILS
ARE ALL DIRTY AND YOU'VE BEEN TOUCHING
ALL THE GATES AND EVERYTHING. WE'RE JUST MAKING
THIS LITTLE GIRL TERRORIZE SAL. EXCUSE ME. DO YOU KNOW
THE AREA? MIKAYLA, WIPE YOUR NOSE
ON THIS WOMAN'S SHIRT. OH,
DON'T DO THAT. [ LAUGHTER ] Murr: ALL RIGHT,
NOW SAL HAS TO DO IT. [ LAUGHTER ] OKAY,
WE'RE RIGHT HERE. AND THEN... LOOK AT HIM TRY.
LOOK AT HIM. [ LAUGHTER ] [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] OH! MIKAYLA, SLAP THAT MAP
RIGHT OUT OF HER HAND. BROADWAY. [ LAUGHTER ] BROADWAY. IS HERE, SO WE'RE DEFINITELY
RIGHT DOWN HERE BY THE... [ LAUGHTER ] OVER THERE.
WHOOPS. [ LAUGHTER ]
MIKAYLA,
GRAB THE MAP. YOU'RE SO HELPFUL.
THANK YOU. OH, MIKAYLA. O-O-O-O-OKAY.
[ LAUGHS ] ALL RIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ] OKAY, I HOPE YOU FIND
YOUR PLACE. THANK YOU SO MUCH. [ BELL DINGS, LAUGHTER ] -Hey! Sal is our big loser.
-Yet again. So, we're here
at the Boat Show in the largest convention center
in New York City. What do I got to do?
Destroy a boat? No.
Rub people's feet. [ Laughter ] They've been walking up
and down the aisles, oh, so much,
their feet are weary. -Their dogs are barking.
-Oh, I don't touch feet. This is not gonna
bode well for anybody. You have problems
rubbing your own feet. Yeah. I might throw up
on someone's foot. Yeah, that's okay.
Just work it into it, though. [ Laughter ] Guys, there's
a punishment afoot. Oh, God. Joe: All right, Sal, let's get
some people some foot rubs. Q: Get your foot rubs here.
Get your foot rubs. Okay. Ahh. Oh, great.
Ahh. Oh. Mm. [ Stifled gag ] [ Laughter ] Already.
Already, look at him. -[ Mumbling ]
-Get in there, buddy! Hm. [ Laughter ] -How's that smell?
-I'm not breathing. [ Joe laughs ] -All right. Thank you.
-Thank you. -Have a great day.
-One down, Sal. [ Sighs ] Joe: Look at him just
looking at his hands. [ Laughter ] I got to clean my hands. No, no, no, no, no. There's no
cleaning of your hands. No cleaning. You like
a firm pressure? Yeah.
Sure, sure. Ooh, yeah. Yeah. [ Laughter ] Sal, just drop a,
"You like that?" [ Chuckles ] Oh, yeah. Say it! -You like that?
-Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. [ Laughter ] Mmm! "I'm a straight-up
bad boy." I'm not gonna -- You have to!
It's a punishment. Say it! [ Chuckles ] [ Chuckling ]
I'm a straight-up... What? What's that? -What is it?
-You said something. I'm a straight-up bad boy.
[ Chuckles ] You're a bad boy? [ Laughter ] Ah, well,
just call me Nasty. [ Laughter ] -It was a pleasure to meet you.
-Oh, thanks so much. I hope you have
a great day, dear. Nice try, guys.
Nice try. Oh, yeah, she was
a friend of ours. Nice try? Why?
You still had to rub her feet. Ugh. [ Laughter ] -Is this for anybody?
-You want one? -Yeah.
-Come on. Lotion okay?
Yeah. Lotion's fine. Look under the purple towel
on the rack. -[ Chuckles ]
-It's ranch dressing. [ Laughter ] Take out the ranch dressing
and just squeeze it and slap it on. [ Laughter ] Joe:
Okay, so Sal's onto us. He knows that some of
these people we invited here. -Oh, sure.
-Hey, Sal, by the way, this isn't our lady. [ Laughter ] Sal, this isn't our lady. [ Laughter ] Murr: You're rubbing ranch
dressing on a stranger. I can't even believe, you know,
what's happening here. Sal, go, "Surprise,
I used ranch dressing." Really,
really nice. [ Laughter ] Surprise. It's actually ranch dressing. You know, it exfoliates. [ Laughter ] -You're all set, dear.
-Thank you. I can't even smell my hand. My hand smells
like [bleep] ranch. [ Coughing ] Joe:
Another friend of ours who has what you would call
jacked-up feet. [ Laughter ] I'll use a lotion,
if you don't care. Man: I don't care. [ Laughter ] It looks like
"American Werewolf in London" mid-transformation. Just -- I have, uh... I'll put some
powder there for you. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah! Man: Ohh. "Are you a mayo
or mustard guy?" Uh, mayo or mustard
on your sandwich usually? Mayo. "You know, a surprising fact
about mayo"... Do you know
a surprising fact about mayo? "'Cause I have some right here, and I'm gonna rub your feet
with it." I have mayo.
I usually use it on people. -Wow.
-Let me get the mayo. [ Jokers groan ] I'm starting to feel,
like, nauseous. Joe: Oh, God! Oh, my G-- Ohh.
No. I can't d-- Oh. Murr: Ew! -I can't --
-Oh, God, this is bad. Why would we make ourselves
watch this? [ Gags ] I'm sorry.
This has got to be you. [Bleep] you -- you --
They sent you here? Are you part of it? [ Laughter ] Are you part of the -- Are you part of the show? Yeah, this guy's
a friend of ours. Nobody has feet like this
just by nature. [ Laughter ] They told me
you're on the show. You've got to get
your foot off me, please. -Time for your lunch break.
-You got a delivery, Sal. Your punishment ends
when you eat a rib.
Enjoy a rib. -Don't clean your hands off.
-I'm not eating a [bleep] rib. -Yes, you are.
-Take a bite. -Take a bite.
-I can't. [ Gags ]
They smell t-terrible. [ Gags ] [Bleep] it. -Eww!
-Eww! I'm gonna throw up. -That's it, buddy.
-You're done! You're done!
-You're all done, pal. [Bleep] you
and your big-ass feet. [ Laughter ] SAL'S OUR LOSER AND, ALSO, A PARTICULARLY STRESSED-OUT LITTLE MAN. SO WE'VE CREATED A PRESENTATION THAT YOU HAVE TO GO IN THERE AND DELIVER, TEACHING PEOPLE HOW NOT TO SWEAT THE SMALL THINGS. 'CAUSE IF THERE'S ONE THING YOU DO REALLY WELL, MY FRIEND, IT IS SWEATING THE SMALL THINGS. I'M SWEATING ALREADY. I KNOW. [ LAUGHTER ] HEY, EVERYONE. HOW ARE YOU? I DON'T KNOW HOW WE COULD DO ANYTHING WORSE. SO, TODAY'S SEMINAR, OF COURSE, AND YOU GUYS KNOW IS "DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL THINGS: HOW TO CREATE A STRESS-FREE LIFE." HE'S THE MOST STRESSED OUT OF ALL OF US. HE LIVES THE MOST STRESSED LIFE EVER. LET'S BEGIN. LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE WORRIED ABOUT THREATS TO THEIR HEALTH, LIKE CANCER AND DIABETES. THEY SHOULD BE WORRIED, INSTEAD, ABOUT THE SILENT KILLER, WHICH IS STRESS, RIGHT. I'M ACTUALLY NERVOUS. [ LAUGHTER ] YOU DON'T HAVE CONTROL OVER THE AMOUNT OF STRESS YOU ENCOUNTER IN THE OUTSIDE WORLD, BUT THERE'S ONE PLACE THAT YOU CAN CONTROL... YOUR HOME. [ LAUGHTER ] OKAY. THAT IS SAL'S HOUSE. WE KNOW WHERE SAL HIDES HIS KEY. IT'S RIGHT THERE. [ LAUGHTER ] SAL HAS STRICT RULES AT HIS HOUSE. YOU GOT TO TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF. YEAH. "DON'T GO IN MY BEDROOM." "DON'T COME OVER." [ LAUGHTER ] MOVING ON... CONSIDER A PET. [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S MY CAT IN SAL'S BED. [ LAUGHTER ] [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES ] HE'S IN SHOCK. [ CLEARS THROAT ] LET'S MOVE ON. EAT RIGHT. IF YOU'RE IN A HURRY, MAKE SURE TO GRAB SOME BREAKFAST. [ LAUGHTER ] SAL'S MILK. THAT'S SAL'S. [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S STILL AT SAL'S HOUSE. THAT'S SAL'S PEANUT BUTTER. [ LAUGHTER ] WAIT FOR IT. WAIT FOR IT. AND IT GOES...RIGHT BACK IN THE JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER! [ LAUGHTER ] LOOK AT THIS GUY. HE'S LIKE, "THAT PEANUT BUTTER WAS VIOLATED." [ LAUGHTER ] DON'T STRESS ABOUT GERMS. OH, GOD. NOW, I USED TO LIVE LIFE AS, LIKE, A GERMOPHOBE, REALLY. USED TO? WHAT'S THIS "USED TO," SAL? I DON'T LIKE TOUCHING HANDLES, PUBLIC RESTROOMS, THINGS LIKE THAT. I'M SO SICK. [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S SAL'S COUCH. HERE YOU GO. JUST SHOVE THAT RIGHT BETWEEN THE CUSHIONS. THAT TISSUE IS STILL IN YOUR COUCH. [ LAUGHTER ] I'M SO HOT! OH, GOD! [ LAUGHTER ] OH, IT'S GETTING MORE COMFORTABLE. [ LAUGHTER ] [ GRUNTING ] [ Laughing ] OH, MY GOD. OH! OH! OH, HE DIDN'T WASH HIS HANDS! OH! THAT'S YOUR TOOTHBRUSH. [ LAUGHTER ] AND THERE IT IS. I THOUGHT THAT ONE WOULD GET YOU. YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE TO MAINTAIN PROPER HYGIENE, WHICH IS WHY I DON'T GO INTO PUBLIC RESTROOMS, WHICH IS WHY I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT MY PRIVATE BATHROOM WAS SAFE. [ LAUGHTER ] OKAY. GET TO KNOW YOUR NEIGHBORS. A SENSE OF COMMUNITY CAN MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE. [ LAUGHTER ] "BE FRIENDLY WITH THE NEIGHBORS." "BE FRIENDLY." OH! OH! HI, NEIGHBORS. [ LAUGHTER ] OH! HI, NEIGHBORS. HELLO, NEIGHBORS. [ Laughing ] STRESS... [ LAUGHTER ] OH, GOD. ALL RIGHT, I HAVE TO MOVE BECAUSE THERE'S NO DOUBT I HAVE PROBABLY HEPATITIS "A" THROUGH ZED. THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [ LAUGHTER ] PLEASE TELL ME THAT WASN'T MY REAL TOOTHBRUSH, PLEASE. [ LAUGHTER ] WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? DON'T LOSE. MY NEIGHBORS. STOP LOSING AND STOP GOING AWAY FOR THREE OR FOUR DAYS. YOU WENT WHILE I WAS ON VACATION?! [ LAUGHTER ] HOW'D YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE? WHICH ONE OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS DID IT? WE'RE NOT SAYING A WORD. THE PERSON YOU'D LEAST SUSPECT, THOUGH, I PROMISE YOU THAT. MY MOTHER? [ LAUGHTER ] DID YOU TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF? [ LAUGHTER ] I TOOK MORE THAN MY SHOES OFF. Today we're in a shoe store, playing a game of hot potato
with a stranger's shoe. Once a customer takes
his shoe off, one of us is gonna
have to grab it. Then we take turns
passing it around until one of us gets caught. If you get caught with the
stranger's shoe, you're out. But the game continues till
there's one Joker left standing. [ Inhales, exhales
deeply ] Now I'm just
processing this, 'cause that means
we're touching filthy -- [ Laughter ] ♪♪ Yeah, if you guys don't have
the 11, I can try the 11 1/2? Psst. Psst. A shoe has been removed. [ Dinging ] ♪♪ [ Ding! ] Ah!
I touched the bottom. ♪♪ ♪♪ Are these -- These are UGGs. Oh! ♪♪ Uh, the register is over here. Are these for sale? [ Laughter ] How much are these? Oh, these are yours? [ Buzzer ]
Oh! Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, ma'am. No, I was buying them for -- So what happens is, I keep
shoes like that near my door 'cause I go out, I have some fun,
play a little basketball. And then when I come back in,
I can slip them right off. Yeah.
Bye, Brian. Okay. [ Buzzer ] [ Laughs ] You play basketball in those? [ Laughs ] One down. I'm gonna need -- I'm gonna need
my gloves laundered. My hands are nice
and sanitized right now. TODAY, WE'RE HERE FOR SAL'S PUNISHMENT, AND IF NOTICE, THERE'S NO SAL. YEAH, THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S ON HIS WAY HERE TO WHAT HE THINKS IS A CHALLENGE, AND HE'LL BE GETTING ONTO THIS FLOOR USING THAT ELEVATOR. THE THING IS, THERE IS NO CHALLENGE, AND THAT IS OUR ELEVATOR. WE CONTROL WHERE IT GOES, WHO GETS ON, WHEN IT GETS STUCK. OH! I HOPE IT DOESN'T GET STUCK! GUYS, IT'S GETTING STUCK! [ BOTH LAUGH ] HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO. HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT HE'S GETTING PUNISHED. THIS IS NEXT-LEVEL [BLEEP] WE'RE TAKING OVER... REAL LIFE. YEAH. OH, MY GOD! THIS IS SO EXCITING! THERE'S OUR FRIENDS. LOOK AT SAL -- NOT A CARE IN THE WORLD... UNTIL...RIGHT NOW. [ METALLIC THUD ] OH. [ LAUGHING ] THIS IS GREAT! [ COUGHS, SNIFFLES ] [ LAUGHTER ] THIS IS SAL'S WORST NIGHTMARE. HE'S IN A CONFINED BOX WITH A SICK PERSON. [ COUGHING ] YOU SHOULD, UH, COVER YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU COUGH. [ LAUGHTER ] [ EMERGENCY BELL RINGS ] [ LAUGHTER ] WHAT'S HE DOING? HE'S TRYING TO MANUALLY OPEN IT! YOU WANT TO GO WORK ON IT? YEAH, HOLD ON, GUYS. GO WORK ON GETTING HIM OUT. HERE COMES OUR FIRE DEPARTMENT. THE FIRE DEPARTMENT'S ON THE SCENE. [ CLANGS ] [ BANGING ] HELLO! THANK YOU! [BLEEP] [BLEEP] [ LAUGHTER ] WHAT'S IN THE BAG?! [ LAUGHTER ] [ Laughing ] SAL HATES CATS! YOU'RE GONNA TAKE THE CAT OUT? [ LAUGHTER ] NOW HE'S STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR WITH A SICK DUDE AND A HAIRLESS CAT! I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE HIM OUT. YOU KNOW WHAT? DUDE, CAN YOU TURN AROUND WHEN YOU COUGH? [ LAUGHTER ] DO YOU NEED US TO DO ANYTHING FROM IN HERE?! [ BANGING ] [ BOTH LAUGH ] [ BANGING CONTINUES ] [ DRILLING, HAMMERING ] HOLY [BLEEP] [ MOTOR WHIRRING, BANGING ] IS SHE GOING TO THE BATHROOM? PLEASE TELL ME THAT CAT'S GOING TO THE BATHROOM! THE CAT IS PISSING! [ LAUGHTER ] [ EMERGENCY BELL RINGING ] ALL RIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ] CAN YOU GIVE US JUST A LITTLE INFORMATION? OH, MY GOD. AN HOUR? WHAT? CAN YOU GIVE US ANY INFORMATION BESIDES YOU'RE WITH THE FIRE DEPARTMENT AND IT'LL BE TWO HOURS? "YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND." [ Laughing ] OH, MY GOD! I CAN'T BELIEVE HE JUST SAID THAT! HOLY [BLEEP] [ LAUGHTER ] I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING CRAZY. [ LAUGHTER ] HE'S -- HE'S STARTING TO REALIZE... HE'S STARTING TO REALIZE. HE'S GETTING ONTO IT, MAYBE. YOU SON OF A BITCH. HA HA! HE KNOWS. LET'S GO MAKE SOME NOISE. YEAH, LET'S GO. [ LAUGHING ] [ HORNS TOOTING ] YEAH! YOU DID IT! [BLEEP] YOU DID IT! [BLEEP] YOU TOO! [ LAUGHTER ] HAPPY BIRTHDAY! YEAH, BUDDY! We're
at Little Rock Farms. I lost today, and now they're
gonna have me deliver a cow. The stench --
you could smell it. It's not like
a number one or number two. It's like it's
an unidentified smell. What is it?
Oh, my God, it reeks. Oh, come on,
you're really milking this. You want to tell them? You want to tell them
what you're doing? I told you, I'm delivering
a baby cow today. Did I say that? I'm really [bleep] up
right now, sorry. Let's get moving,
let's get moving. [ Laughter ] Q: Your patient is ready
for you. Paging Dr. Vulcano. Its sack is swinging
all over the place. [ Laughter ] Joe: So, Sal's assistant,
Cody, who -- how many calves
have you delivered? -Several thousand.
-Several thousand. So, he's the right guy
to be with. Sal, how many cows
have you delivered? I'm about
to have a cow myself. [ Laughter ] Start by putting
these two gloves on. Q: Double bag it, Sal.
Just like college. You know, remember?
Yeah, he's about to get
into a cow, just like college. [ Laughter ] Okay, first step, we got to
clean the cow up a little bit. Yeah, go ahead. Murr: Get in there, bud. This cow needs you. You got to go inside and feel
the calf and stretch it around a little bit
so it's open to come out. [ Sighs ] I'll show you how. [ Country music plays ] Don't do --
don't do [bleep] What are you gonna do?
Don't do nothing stupid. What,
is your hand in there? -You got to --
-Oh, no! Sal, get in there. My -- my body will not let
my hand go in that hole. Again, college. [ Laughs ] -It's pregnant, right?
-Yes. 'Cause if I'm just fisting
a cow, that's [bleep] up. I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I can't do it. There you go, Sal,
there you go. -Oh, yeah, you got it, Sal.
-Come on, Sal. I can't do it. Why are you holding
on to the railing? Why are you holding
on to the railing? Oh, God.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I hate [bleep] [Bleep]
Oh, my God! I [bleep] I can't stand it. Aah!
This is [bleep] gross! [ Laughter ] [ Gagging ] Nobody throws up
quite like Sal does, right? [Bleep] that was gross. I want to chop
my [bleep] hand off. [ Laughter ] The next step is
to get the straps on the feet so that we can pull
the calf out. -Pull it out with straps?
-Yeah. Wow. Q: Oh, my God. Yeah, if you can get
behind there, grab both of these handles.
Is it gonna spray out?
Is it gonna spray out? There's handles here. Oh, my God. There you go, Sal.
There you go. Oh, yeah, you got it, Sal. -Come on, Sal.
-Pull this cow into the world. Murr: That's your baby! It's [bleep] I'm just --
I'm helping her to get the head
into the right position.
Okay. Sal, what is your life
right now? The worst thing you've ever had
me do, I swear to God. Murr: There you go!
Whoa! Oh, it's [bleep] It's [bleep]
on it's own face. It [bleep]
on its face. I'm gonna have someone stand on
this side of you with the strap. Okay. They've called for backup because Sal is very bad
at this job. Everybody watching at home,
call your mother. You know?
-Just tell her thank you. Just -- just send
her flowers, something. Murr: Come on, Sal. -Oh!
-Oh! -Oh, my God.
-Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, Sal! What do I do?
What do I do? Oh, God! I don't -- I don't -- Oh, God!
Oh, God! Murr: Baby!
You had a baby! [ Gags ] Q: Wow! Wow! Sal's covered in placenta.
Look at that. -It's a boy.
-Mazel tov! -Sal.
-Please help me. I got the guts all over me. Murr:
Aww, look at him. Sal, go pet him. Okay. Everybody loves you. Everybody loves you.
-Aww! Joe:
Congratulations, Sal. All right, daddy's got
to go shower. Oh!
Look, guys, look, look! [ Gags ]
Even if the show is fake nobody cares. It's something to laugh about in these dark times. IT brings a smile to my face every time I watch it and it's a connection I have with many family members.
He could hear something pounding against the other side. Sal is very skittish, something slamming into the wall behind him unexpectedly is gonna startle him.