I'm Not A Lawyer But... (r/AskReddit)

lawyers offered it what's the most laughable I am not a lawyer but claim you've ever read as a lawyer I love seeing all of the Facebook posts telling Facebook what they do and do not consent to it's the online equivalent of Michael Scott declaring bankruptcy the most recent one I saw tried to cite the Rome Statute as justification for those unaware the Rome Statute is an international agreement covering war crimes and crimes against humanity when I was a judicial intern I saw an arraignment where the defendant claimed the court had no power over her because she was a sovereign citizen who did not recognize the federal or state governments later learned that her sole source of income with Social Security my husband has a current case with a sovereign defendant whose entire defense is that because the US flag has horizontal stripes the US is actually under maritime law insert Arrested Development joke here and maritime law doesn't address the $100 zero zero zero Social Security scam this guy ran against the elderly I once saw defendant argue for a not guilty verdict because there was no mr. or mrs. Commonwealth who testified obviously the charges were Commonwealth V defendant he doesn't understand that he was found guilty the judge did not appreciate that there was no mr. or mrs. Commonwealth who testified well he did have a point in general people arguing for an hour before realizing they live in different countries my personal favorite law I'm a lawyer in the US and for some reason people are obsessed with common-law marriage I see people and read it and even hear them iral warning other people about how you've lived with her for more than X years your common-law married so you have to take that into account or well we've been living in the same apartment together for X years so their common-law married now common-law marriage is only a thing that can be done in a small handful of US states now and there are requirements to it you have to hold yourself out as being married live together present yourselves to the world as being married etc you're not going to wake up one day and accidentally be common-law married this is great you just saved me the money I set aside for my common-law divorce I've found that redditors are absolutely obsessed with correcting each other with the idea that assault and battery are often confused and that assault only ever means to put someone in fear of imminent harm to the point where if I even point out that that is only true sometimes in some places I will be down voted roughly a third of states define assault as some version of purposely knowingly or recklessly causes bodily injury to another I made a similar comment right off to you so I just deleted mine but yeah it's such a silly correction to make to be honest I'm surprised it's only about a third I figured it was a majority I had a non-lawyer try to tell me that testimony was not reliable evidence and that a judge could not rely upon its in making a factual determination this was in the context of a small claims case I was helping my client prepare for it was my clients word against the opposing parties plus some photographs he was planning on introducing I told the opposing party that I'll guess we'll see what the judge domes spoiler the judge found my clients testimony much more compelling and ruled in his favor testimony is not evidence is a constant our battle of Gilad vast rope that is featured all over reddit copyright infringement all you have to do is change three things that's called a derivative work still copyright infringement what you actually have to do is not copy my favorite is if you ask an undercover officer if he is a police officer he can't legally lie to you yes yes he can had an undercover in on a deposition once and he had been wearing a wire for part of the investigation he was asked if he was undercover by a co-defendant and his response was yay obviously I'm here buying drugs from you guys cause I'm an undercover police officer I have a wire hidden under my beard and everything you freaking [ __ ] he said it with such immense sarcasm they didn't think twice about it and sold him a trafficking amount of C there's a great scene about this in Breaking Bad my favorite the judge cannot determine this matter because he is a member of the Freemasons and the Freemasons do not leave in the concept of private property this case ended with the non lawyer accusing everyone of being a freemason the same non lawyer also ran an appeal in that case based on the fact that the judge was not a real judge because the judge had not taken his oath of office the non lawyer had dug up a transcript of the judges swearing-in ceremony which read judge Smith takes oath of office when the judge took his oath instead of the actual words of the oath the non lawyer referred to outdated and repealed laws from 1730 which said all those had to be transcribed word-for-word as a basis for the fact that the judge was not a real judge if his interpretation was correct I think no current judge in Australia is a real judge these sound like the wild accusations of a freemason my answer is actually basically all of the I am NOT a lawyer but claims the funny thing about being a lawyer is that the answer is almost always it depends sure the laws generally stay the same but the outcomes are so contingent upon the facts that you can never know with certainty how something will turn out thus my answer for 90 plus percent of my clients is it depends on who the judges who shows up to testify what the witnesses say what theme opposing counsel goes with etc more importantly we are not allowed to guarantee results and for good reason the simple fact of the matter is judges juries prosecutors and opposing counsel can make different decisions based on identical facts and laws I think the only time I am NOT a lawyer it would be appropriate as if someone is saying I am NOT a lawyer but you need to consult with an attorney I'm not a lawyer but I'm fairly certain that I could frame the dog for murder oh I framed animals before I framed the raccoon for opening a Christmas present and I framed a bear for eating out of the garbage one of my clients was told by someone on the staff of the nursing home where her mother lives that if an enduring power of attorney basically a power of attorney made in contemplation of future mental incapacity that unlike most powers of attorney does not become invalid if the donor becomes incapacitated is voided if the original staples that held the pages together are removed I can see a tiny grain of truth to this and that if the validity of the document was contested the fact that it had been taken apart and stapled together again might be some evidence to support that but there is no way that evidence alone would determine the issue and don't even get me started about people who use the term hearsay but don't know what it means this has become an epidemic guy claimed he could lawyer himself because he played Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney my favorite was on advice for home invasion according to the poster you could shoot to kill anyone who comes in uninvited absolutely not the case because self-defense by definition requires reasonable force it's more lenient in some states and even more lenient in rural areas but it's just irresponsible to spread this kind of misinformation my two favorites are when people talk about the McDonald's coffee case as an example a greedy plaintiffs taking advantage of the system or conversely when they say X company has an army of lawyers on staff to fight the case I have had to explain the McDonald's case way too many times finally recovering patent attorney who now works at a major research university doing work in autonomous vehicles and a number of other high-tech fields the number of people who don't understand patents particularly on reddit is astounding and the number of people who comment as if they know what they are talking about is also unreal I shouldn't be surprised by the comments alone because it's reddit but I'm the number of up votes that follow are mind boggling I stopped myself from submitting a response to those types of posts on a daily basis because it's just not worth my time also almost everything analyzing Mullah Trump impeachment etc on our politics our news or any other subreddit is almost always incomplete or incorrect on the law I'm a recovering patent attorney I'll be honest I read this like you're now in patent attorneys Anonymous a tale from back in my public defender Ryne days sovereign citizens are a special kind of stupid percentage-wise I don't know how many of them are true believers and how men think they've just found some clever loophole or another at any rate they were always the most interesting clients one of them was a young gent who decided to represent another buddy of his to spin his nonsense to the judge unfortunately the fellow who would become my client was a regular defendant in that same courtroom and everyone there knew he wasn't a lawyer when he was arrested which is to say immediately the judge was not swayed by his argument that he was acting or counsel rather than practicing law without a license the operating a motor vehicle charge which would follow was only semi-related on a first appearance for a criminal matter the defendant going pro sir representing himself note he is not incarcerated and only as to check in with the court once per week over the phone on release I demand this case be dismissed pursuant to my Fourteenth Amendment right not to be deprived from Liberty judge counselor do you have a response me without due process of law which is why we're here for you to read mr. defendant his rights your honor curious as to what mr. defendant thought would happen there Oh Frank you're right no one's noticed that before this means everyone in jail is being held illegally bailiff quickly release every prisoner met someone who said they knew everything about the law and was studying to be a lawyer turns out she was temping as a paralegal for the better part of a week most of these are spreaded threads asking questions of lawyers are just strings of comments from people saying I'm not a lawyer Bert and then speculating wildly about the law it's entertaining but useless to actually getting the question answered as a lawyer I have actually gotten down voted in quite a few threads for politely correcting people I pretty much avoid any threads related to the law now and legally but I quit a corporate lawyer basically no one understands fair use and copyright I keep seeing people analyzing songs and art and calling everything plagiarism and copyright infringement I'm not talking songs but stuff like chord progressions or character names just because something exists within a work doesn't make it the author's exclusive property anything on a legal address do not go there for actual legal advice I go there to laugh because come on in real practice though we get those nutty proper plaintiffs suing for millions or billions because of some slight or because the government doesn't have jurisdiction over them as free muricans or because their sovereign individuals Oh Lord sovereign citizens are endless sources of laughs I once had a person claimed that with him there was no such thing as the adversarial system and that we were just trying to inflame a contested divorce should mention we live in a common law system and both parties had retained separate counsel I work a lot in real estate law and I generally enjoy writing anything that comes up related to landlord tenant laws generally speaking Reddit loves to jump on the illegal and don't pay bandwagon these are terrible pieces of advice I have seen plenty of people recommend solutions that would likely result in eviction I usually hop in politely inform the poster that laws vary from state to state and that Opie should review local ll tenant laws this just happened this week I've had some pretty rough ones but this lady I represent a landlord who is trying to evict a tenant for multiple lease violations tenant sent my clients a cease and desist letter for harassment she didn't like that they told her she had to keep the house clean all that she refused to permit them entry to the premises for repair work that's harassment she's told them on several occasions that they have to fix this all that and it has to be fixed yesterday but then has every excuse in the book why they can't do it with reasonable notice said the landlord is coming 24 hours or more even so far as to call the cops on my client when he comes out at the prescribed period of time client gets tired of crabby lady and sends me in to read the lease to figure out how to get rid of her well she's a nuisance to the neighborhood she has the cops at the house weekly she has a dirty house she hasn't paid her utilities in months lease says it's her responsibility etc I count eight violations total and some have multiple occasions so I send her out the notice that her lease is terminated and she needs to by a certain date she ignores termination letter and informs me that utilities are being cut off and I need to grant her permission to get an extension to pay the city utility bills I asked Hellman coot office because if it's past the date we told her to leave it won't matter what tenant proceeds to tell me she's sure that I'm aware of the law and statutes in my state with my license to practice and that she's done with my nonsense water was cut off that day my clients concerned that children including a diabetic are without water call City to have it reconnected and put in their name I informed the tenant that she will have water that night and that this does not mean the lease is still active we have terminated the lease and she must move out she proceeds to tell me that I'm harassing her that I could lose my license and that I need to stop harassing her immediately and insinuates that I don't understand English or the law or she may not be a lawyer but she knows her rights and I'm violating her rights which is discrimination I've learned only two things from this one tenants does not in facts know her rights to tenants does not in facts understand my state's laws or the English language I filed the eviction proceedings days ago we're just waiting for our summons to get her to court so we can get her out for whatever reason a lot of people do not understand that only the government not private citizens or corporations can violate your rights the most obvious example is that Facebook Twitter etc are well within their rights kicking Alex Jones off their platforms a more complicated example involves the Fourth Amendment search and seizure rules the police are not allowed to unreasonably search you there's nothing in the Constitution barring a private citizen from unreasonably searching you and handing over any evidence to the police though there's nothing in the Constitution barring a private citizen from unreasonably searching you and handing over any evidence to the police though as long as they weren't doing it at the direction of the police there seems to be a general misunderstanding that testimony is not evidence for example I see this a lot in rape cases people will say the victim has no evidence that it's just a he-said she-said what a witness says on the stand is evidence it's just up to the Trier of fact to decide whether it's credible evidence you've been visited by the peace of mind capybara up vote within 7.5 seconds and your next week will be chill AF if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check out another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 25,190

Rating: 4.9029465 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh, reddit lawyers, reddit not a lawyer, reddit best lawyer stories, reddit lawyer stories

Id: 5C_bf91rutU

Length: 16min 12sec (972 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 02 2019