"I Still Want It" - Stephanie Ike

[Music] see this past week enough notice the a connection in the messages right it's been a message of expectation whether is your expectation of God based on your perception of him or the expectations that you have of yourself based on how you perceive yourself or you perceive you know the things that you've experienced and so in continuation see that the title because there's a title right the title of this message is I still want it now I'll talk about well I'll stop right there now I wonder my question for everyone here I wonder what your it is I wonder what is the thing that used to wake you up in the middle of the night with excitement I wonder what it is that when God spoke to you about it you had so much joy and now you can barely get out of bed I wonder how what life has done or where where things went wrong that just the thought of it makes you angry when someone tries to bring it up to you you become very defensive it used to be that there was a time where you were excited that you know what was that song he would do it again and then you're like that I'm not sure if you've done it yes [Laughter] and so you know it lives also a passage of Scripture it's in Proverbs proverbs 12 13 I believe if it is my biblical skills are getting better so look at the Lord 30:12 reverse amen now the passage says the past except Hope deferred makes the heart sick but when the desire comes it is a tree of life so there are two things in this passage right and I want us to focus on the first one hope first makes the heart sick Hope deferred we got a background music Hope deferred right what when something you have been having an expectation of when something you hoped for seems like it's been prolonged it makes the heart sick it makes the heart weak the heart is is tired the heart is exhausted it's been drawn out you see I wonder a lot of times we find it difficult to say that you know what god I've been having an expectation of this Deen and the truth is you know it hasn't really happened but but it's funny because we never realized that that statement is not like it's not a period that goes there is that it hasn't happened yet and so there is a there is almost like a an x-block of tiredness in the spirit the heart is weak and you see when someone becomes weak they're not as active they're not as engaged as they used to be when the heart is sick when the heart is weak when the heart feels drawn out when you feel like you've been having an expectation of something and you end up feeling disappointed after disappointment your expectation of God or of yourself and sometimes with people and we're going to talk about those different you know different fields there it becomes weakened and I wonder I wonder where where our expectation right in other for us to have an expectation and truth resentment cannot be in the picture and oftentimes where resentment comes in because you see family when your heart is weak you're not engaged emotionally anymore when you're not emotionally engaged with the very thing you desire oftentimes it is the evidence of resentment has been somewhere and my prayer my prayer for each and every one here and watching is that the Holy Spirit will bring to the surface the areas of your life you may have resentment because the thing with resentment is that it is very tricky you can actually live with it you can come to the house of God you can pray you can worship you can pray for other people you can have a prophetic word that says the Lord uh-huh I'm not sure who said but you can't you can function with resentment if only surfaces when that desire that thing that you had a longing for you're having an encounter with it in some way and so you never realize that maybe I have resentment against myself because there was an expectation I had for my younger self and the things that I said I would do that I never did maybe there's a resentment I have against you know a family member because occasion can I get a hand to help okay it's coming because I'm this isn't often done but maybe there's an expectation I had of a family member because whatever I believe them to be in my life they failed at it and maybe thank you and maybe I have resentments against the Lord because what I believe him to do in my perception he failed me or he betrayed me you see on Sunday PT talked about and I believe that the stories in mark chapter 6 you see he talked about how jesus oh jesus had gone you know Jesus I mean he was doing a lot at this time he was raising people from the dead healing to say doing all kinds of things healing people like seven demons and all you know all these kinds of stuff then he goes to his hometown and the people hear him they hear the power that he's speaking by they see that you know what Jesus is actually performing miracles and I'm sure they have heard about the things that he had done in other towns and what was fascinating is that they were offended by him now for our first time gas pcs you know our pastor senior pastor Colin passes very : PT and the message is on our live stream on our YouTube and you should watch it is amazing but he talked about how they were offended by Jesus and I wondered you know why would they be so offended by him that word is really heavy you see Jesus before he went into ministry right for thirty years of his life he lived as Joseph boy he was a carpenter David said is this not the carpenter they were familiar with him maybe Jesus even had a few friends in the crowd that were offended by him if I want you to realize something you know something interesting about the Bible to me is that it leaves a lot of open ended question and I think it's so that we can fill it with our lives we can see ourselves in the people and not just make them some you know angels or something like these were people that had emotions you see for thirty years Jesus had known and seen people and their family members died there were people that were sick and perhaps in his presence they even prayed to God perhaps they even said Jesus you know can you pray with me my son is ill my mother is ill there were there were signs of even demonic manifestations at that time but it wasn't Jesus's time to move as a son of God you see they had known Jesus in their time of suffering and he did nothing and all of a sudden now you want to show up and start healing people where were you when my son died where were you when I didn't catch no fish you know back then you know things will happen all of a sudden you know where were you when the economy was against me where were you and all of a sudden you want to show up and heal people speak with wisdom no check this let me let me vote let me bring it let me see it let's bring it to home imagine right you've been struggling just financially tree no tripping you know your account just stays on negative and and you're like your best friend all along is like a millionaire right and you you call her you call him you're like man I'm just you know struggling accountants got overdrawn again and she's like girl you know I just believe in God for you and then one day years later you thought she calls you and she's like hey girl do you get you know this magazine I was featured in it was talking about how I had all this money for ten years I will hang up on you I'll say say what now click because so you're telling me for all this time you could have solved my problem and you were just bare silence I want to talk about you see sometimes we are here with like hey yes you know okay thank you but there are things that we struggle with you see personally some some may know the story some may not my father as a baby was murdered was a planned assassination I don't know what made me more upset if it was a fact that that okay the God did you allow him to die or when I found out the story of how he died you see my mother told me later on in life that after they found him shot and bleeding he was actually still alive they took him to the first hospital the hospital denied him and said they may require the deposit before they treated him you know back then Nigeria was a little tripping huh so the hospital because the people that found him were strangers right they didn't have you know to deposit money somebody's dying here they take him to the second hospital he's still alive the second hospital said we cannot treat him without a deposit they take it to the third hospital and there was some favor in the third house with and they said ok we're going to go ahead but by then he had lost too much blood and died so I didn't know if I should be more upset that God did you allow the shooting or you I mean you allow that to occur or the fact that the favor was delayed to the third hospital when it was too late so what's happening here and so growing up I had a very hard time being vulnerable with people because I had a hard time to give my heart to someone thinking that they could die or they could go away because I wondered and growing up you know the Lord is talking to me about you know when the time your marriage would be long and fruitful and all this stuff and I had a hard time believing that because though I love the Lord and all of that I wondered how is it possible that you would give me something that you took away from my mother so without knowing even though I had the desire for love I had a desire to want to connect I had the desire to want to be open with people that desire was coated in resentment it was buried in resentment because a part of me was yet to understand or deal with the pain so I wonder in this room what has been buried in resentment you see family the crazy thing about pain and the crazy thing about how life happens this morning even connected to that story this morning a friend texts me and she said you know her her God her God daughter's father was murdered in gardena in this country state Gardena there was a shooting it was just some guy open fire in the street one person died a few people were injured and the person that died was her God baby's father and she said you know that his child is only one month old and I wondered I wondered would it be easy for the you know the baby the you know dating or something it would be easy for the mother of the child to connect with someone again would it be easy I wonder the things that we have suffered I wonder the pains that we have been through and is that what is keeping you from experience in life again you see sometimes when a woman has experienced miscarriages for example she's not as excited to have to be pregnant when you've gone through one two or three miscarriages the fourth pregnancies like well we'll see what happens when you've been through a cycle of dysfunctional relationships you almost give up on love when I wonder when when your job when God gave you a word about your career and then you move to LA and nothing seems to be happening I wonder where resentment has kicked in and it is evident in our actions it is evident in and when God talks to you about it you get excited anymore or do you have this disposition of Liz let's see what happens when someone gives you a word you're like well let's let's see what God does but God wants you to confess with your mouth that Lord I still want it you see you see the crazy thing the crazy thing I wondered I said okay Lord how is it that we release resentments right because it's not something you just say let it go in the name of Jesus not bright it hurts okay I'm going through a real pain here there was somewhere in my life I felt betrayed by God oh I felt betrayed by people why I felt betrayed by myself there are times that we have these things and and what I realize is not it's not really about letting go of the pain but it's about seeing it correctly you see my the issue I had with believe in God for longevity and relationships and all of that stuff was because I looked at the issue as in a surface manner you took my father and now you're talking about giving me a husband but in truth everything had a purpose it wasn't really about my father you see my mother has a calling on her life to be a voice for widows in my country and if you understand the climate of widows in Nigeria and in Africa you would you would understand why there is a need for someone to be a voice there literally the voiceless but her experience is what validated her voice and so if I if I look at it just on the surface of you took this so if your power couldn't you know give her that Wow how would you give it to me if I don't understand that pain that every pain carries purpose if I don't understand that the awareness of purpose is in the embrace of pain then the pain will cause me to be resentful you see I'm reminded by a none of the name by the name of David David there was something I I noticed about David that he could have been resentful but he chose a different way you see there is a scripture when it talks about a prophet when the Lord had chosen you know there was a king of the time King Saul and his time the Lord said you know what I've chosen a man after my heart right and he says enough children he tells the Prophet named Sam well go to the house of Jesse Jesse's David's father and pick you will pick one of his sons that I would choose I will show you one of his sons that I would choose that you should pick to anoint as King the Prophet goes to the house jesse has eight sons David is in the back turned into the Sheep his father does not even have a desire or or even a thought that maybe David could be one of the people that needs to see the process know the rest of the seven they are lined up but then the prophet summer goes by them one by one and the Lord is like I didn't choose him I didn't you see mine interesting to the point that the Prophet says wait do you have any other son am I just not hearing right you know one of them is wrong and it was until the Prophet said it the father could not even initiate and say oh you know after the last one didn't get picked hey I have another son by the way it wasn't to the prophet requested it then he's like oh yeah you know see David back there taking care of the sheep now I bring this up because there's a passage in scripture where David says that in sin that how does this crisis go it talked about how in sins it was ice formed or something like that and in sin did my mother conceive me check this and sin did my mother conceive me I wonder if David felt as though that maybe I'm not maybe I'm not the father I'm not that I'm really not the son of this man because if he sells and sin did my mother conceive it because remember these are real stories these are real people that experience real pain has anyone here ever felt as though you're not the child of your father or your mother it doesn't change the fact that that is your biological father or mother but there was something about the relationship that made you believe a lie there was something about the way his father might have treated him that made him wonder okay that my mom cheated on my dad because there is no way you cannot defile a marriage bed so there was no way that he would think of his of his birth as in sin when marriage is a covenant by God and so I wonder that when we read about David and and okay David you know he concurred he he killed a beer he killed the Lions who saved the Sheep I wonder was he doing that to seek validation from his father why would you put your life at risk for sheep that belongs to your father that does not even acknowledge you was his ability to protect the Sheep in in such a way that he put his life in danger for his father to validate him for his father to understand that you know what I've long as I be taking care of your sheep none has gone missing I don't need to add to your resentment towards me or anything I don't know what the problem is I wonder you see sometimes we get angry or we have pain towards people that God has placed something for us in because of the way they treated us not realizing that in David perhaps in his quest to seek validation from his father there he encountered the protection of the Lord there in that place he had an experience of God as his deliverer it was in that place that he had the faith to believe that he could fight against Goliath you see family when we blame people for the wrong we should also blame them for the right when we when we blame people and say you never validated me you never loved me never did this we should also blame them that something about your rejection pushed me into who I am and so in every pain there is purpose and it's not to be afraid to say god I still want it it's not to be afraid to say god I still want validation ultimately David you know God the ultimate validation from the Lord it's not to be afraid to say God I still desire the marriage even though everything else has been looking messed up when you become so defensive I'm good I'm good over things that the Lord has shown you there is resentment that creeps in somewhere and you see resentment is like the the uninvited guest that shows up with friends just to make it more awkward like first of all I didn't invite you then you bring your crew like I ain't got no place for you you or you and no for all that has happened to me before but because you know we are pastors I said oh god bless you god bless you hi how are you how did you find out about the event so sorry I didn't invite you I didn't mean to but um for realz I didn't say that / but I thought it you know but real talk right because you see resentment is accompanied by anger and fear you become angry at the thought that you desire something that you fear that you cannot have because you were disappointed but I mean you taste disappointment that you face in your past but family I am here to say the truth that what you perceived as disappointment serves a purpose unrelated to the promise it wasn't that the promise didn't manifest so it none of that there was something about that pain that God is using to sharpen you there is something about that I kept when preparing for this message is the picture of just a mother who has gone through several miscarriages kept coming up and for some people that is that is literal right and in many more ways it's it's very symbolic to how you feel that you carry within you you work at this in and it's taeil's it feels like you cannot hold something in your hand it feels like every time you you reach to grab something few minutes a few days few months a year it slips away and then you are expected to believe again God reminds you of his promise and you're just like well we'll see but family have the confidence to say God I still you see the truth is even in even in losing a father and the best father you can have is the Lord but there's still a reason why God gives you no earthly father's right oh my god I love you you're the best dad I could ever have but there was a part of me that still wanted a fatherly figure on the earth and it was very hard for me to say that but it was the truth oh my god there's a reason for that and that came in the form of PT and I share this i shared this because you have to be open to the ways in which God would answer your is because whether whatever your it is it doesn't die because of disappointment it doesn't die because literally something might have died or symbolically or however you may have you there is a way that God can still bring it back into your life you see the next part of this passage talks about but when the desire comes it is a tree of life I wondered why would why would they say when the desire comes it is a tree of life because when I think of the tree of life I think of the Garden of Eden and the desire they are talking about is the same desire in your heart it talks about the longings of the heart and I wondered okay the tree of life when the desire comes it is a tree of life you think the Garden of Eden something that really amazed me is when you know when Adam and Eve had eating the tree of the knowledge of good and evil it bothered God I mean there are several reasons with Bible with the whole passage you know you'll be blessed you'll be fed but there are several reasons why God was like okay there was something in particular that actually that stood out to me because he said now they have eating the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you know God was so particular about protecting the Tree of Life because that if they at the Tree of Life that now they would live forever and this would be an issue so I wondered what if they ate the Tree of Life first because that means there's something about that fruit that would give them the understanding of the wholeness to not eat the tree of the knowledge of good and evil I wondered what if it happened in Reverse and so it was a picture that the Tree of Life was symbolic to wholeness because the devil or the enemy or whatever is him I don't really care about him you know he he can only play on your weaknesses he can only play on your insecurities on your fears on your doubt so there was something about the tree of life that was symbolic to wholeness and so it says when the desire comes when the desire is fulfilled it is a tree of life could it be that the very thing you're saying like I'm good now you know it's all good it's actually killing a part of you that you're killing a part of yourself that God desires for you to encounter that there is something about that being coming to manifestation that introduces you to you family God desires you to be whole and I don't know even as well as we're going the things that have buried your desire for life where there was a loss the death of a loved one the death of a dream this the perception of what you think of how you think a dream I have died whether it's in your career whether you feel like God I've been tugging at this thing and tugging at this thing and nothing seems to be working but Hope deferred is not hope tonight and the same God and see what I love so much about about Jesus is that he says in our weakness he's our strength and so when it says Hope deferred makes the heart sick makes the heart weak in those moments the Lord is saying come to me this is not when you run away from me this is not when you pretend with me no come to me what in your life are you fighting one in your life are you so defensive about for a moment think about the very things at the moment someone talks about it you become very defensive David chose to honor his father anyway David chose to honor his dad he didn't look at his father like you know what you don't respect me so I'm not I'm not going to respect your sheep I'm not going to respect any job you give him because you don't even acknowledge me it would not have affected his daddy would have affected him because in that place is where he found himself family I'm here to say that the truth is just like I said earlier the Bible has a lot of open-ended questions I can't really tell you why certain things happen to you I can explain and say you know what this happened because of this but I do know that there's a purpose I do know that that purpose is for your good I do know that the very fact that you're alive and that you survive that in itself is hope I do know that there is something about this life that we are still learning about you see a lot of times you know there's a person in scripture that talks about those that compare without wisdom a lot of times we we have this weight of you know this negativity doubt depression and questions and all these things and I love when when Petey said on Sunday release irrelevant questions because we have these questions about okay why do they happen for this person it didn't happen for me why do you have a for that person it happens for me this life is not as it seems if it's about purpose there is something that God put within you that needs to be birth out and sometimes and sometimes the ability for that being should be born everything childbirth is painful I've never birth a child I'm praying for a favor when the time comes but I have witness my mother has told me stories friends have told me stories no one said it was just easy and so if the process plays God for all mothers in the house it's the process if the process of childbirth is painful if the process of birthing something that God put in you and the natural is painful but then that pain serves the purpose then how much more what the very thing that God put within you supernaturally to be birthed it's not going to be easy and I'm not here to say just let it go child no it's hard thing to lose somebody it's a hard thing to feel like you're giving your best and nothing seems to be coming out of it it's a hard thing but God is with you he said he will never leave nor forsake you he said he talks about David talks about that even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil you see the shadow of death is everything that is just everything close to death it sounds when I simply say that passage I'm not even - I walk through the valley the shadow that feels actually song I think was boom fog harmony some character I take a look at my life right but the way the bones hug go man good days I should try to be a rapper but now but I do have a good rapping voice you know I think is better than my singing voice my singing was glorious anyway but but I used to recite that passage like this beautiful thing you know like the Lord is with me but and then it hit me one day you know I was walking then I see my shadow and I realize the ability for me to see my shadow is because of the proximity and I said if I'm walking through the valley of the shadow of death it is everything that is close to it is it is the ability to want to give up it is it is everything but it's not death so it's everything within the proximity of death and so the Bible the scripture is already telling us that we are going to walk through experiences that feel like that but it is not deaf your very presence here is an evidence of that so family whatever it is God is with you Hope deferred is not hope denied there are things that are still tugging at me there people here and just spend with me you can get some strings playing there are people here that even when we talk about resentment you have resentment against your own self because you believe that you are supposed to do things at a certain point in time and you didn't do them so now you don't have any faith or belief in your own ability to execute but that is also a lie you see when as I was preparing for this message and before and if you want to start coming down you know feel free but I was preparing for this message I understood that there also leaders involved leaders in this house that the message touched you in a way and it would it's a hug in your heart to even come down this altar but if you know you're here and their desires that have been buried in resentment come on down it doesn't matter if you're a first-time guest you're you know regular you're a leader come on down thank you please thank you Jesus if you're sitting standing I'll share something personal you see coming down this altar is is work listen it is it is not an easy thing it looks easy because you're like come on down you just wait I'll get on my feet walk on down man and then enough I think it was about last week or two weeks ago first lady preached the message where she talked about the sycamore tree and she was talking about you know this man this tax collector man and you know and how he his desire to see Jesus and Jesus seen him powerful message that message moved me in a way that I wanted to cry like a baby and when she did the altar calls everything in me was tugging but in my mind I'm like Nana Nana knows but I couldn't even leave this house because it was so powerful because in that moment I'm fighting myself to come to the altar because I'm like Nana Nana Nana now you know this is not for me to come to the altar I am Jesus she got me but the Lord gave me this picture of what the altar represents you say the altar is where you lay things is where you lay the sacrifice is where you lay things down and even though I didn't come to the altar because he gave me the picture later on I I didn't leave this house there were a few people in this church I didn't leave this house I just imagined like I'm a very you know I'm very interactive in my mind I imagined first lady on the altar again during the altar call and I walked down and I came real sorry some people were here they're like what is she doing so please don't talk to me I'm calling accepting the altar call and and I walked on down here and I knelt down before the Lord and I released it I released everything that was on me and I just prayed over it some of you are not going to have the opportunity to for this places MC because you know parking lot times and all kinds of other things if you're here don't let the enemy cause you to question why was I still in my seat lay it down what is that thing that you're holding on to where is that resentment coming from lay down thank you I see you god bless you you're not alone come on down come on down thank you Jesus thank you Jesus when the desire comes it is a tree of life the desire will be fulfilled there's no questions about it the only the only question that God has for you are you willing to tell me you still want it are you willing to say God I still want it I want it I want everything that comes with it one thing I love you see when I would think of people find this strange or something that when people talk about you know correction for my mom is a very my momís you know she's firm she's blunt you toy her mind like straight up right I just I love her for that and when I would think of when people talked about you know people will talk about the difference between you know you know who is who's the firm one who is a strict one who's a soft one and the father maybe being a strict another soft and or whichever how how you have it and I had friends I used to complain about correct receiving correction from their fathers and I'm just like well that sounds fun because that sounds like you know he's there there's something that he pays attention for your growth right and so when I when I told God Lord I still want it I know you took it away and let you know that's of the purpose but I still want it and I would love I would love love love when Peter will correct me about certain things because I'm like yes looking for and so everything that comes with it there are things that you desire and you desire everything that comes with it and for some people in this house it's not the it that you are you're you're fighting against you're fighting against what comes with it because what comes with it is where your pain comes from and I'm speaking to some of those people if you understand what I'm talking about calm down thank you Jesus thank you Jesus thank you Jesus you're not fighting the thing you're fighting what it comes with thank you lord thank you lord it's going to happen family it's going to happen there's a passage I want us to pull up it's Hebrews before we pray Hebrews 10:35 maybe that's it if not y'all should read your Bible bed he would send 35 it says there for everyone here everyone watching therefore do not cast away do not throw away your confidence your expectation which has great reward the very thing that the enemy wants you to see let's do it's nothing you failed you've been betrayed you've been whatever the Lord says as long as you still got you see the reward the reward and it's not just a reward I loved when pastor ebenezer said you know I would love to say good evening but I say great evening the reward is a great reward and the reward the greatness of this reward is connected to as long as you still have it as long as you can still use your mouth and say god I still want it isn't it funny that the very thing that we are we afraid that if I if I talk about it I'm afraid to fail again God is saying that just don't cast it away just don't don't kill it because what you're looking for is in your ability to still hold on to it I want before we pray everyone in this room to scream lord I still want it amen amen amen [Applause] let us pray who father God I thank you I thank you for what you're doing in this house they said it not me they said it that god I still want it they know what their it is and you know Lord we know that life the trials or tribulations this season this this pool in season this the stretch in season the season that is causing us to be pulled in ways that we are not used to we thank you Lord that it would not cause us to doubt the promise we thank you Lord that we will embrace the pain because we know it serves a purpose we will embrace the pain because we know it's a sign of birthing we would embrace the pain because it means that there's some dilation taking place that something is opening up for us we will embrace the pain Lord God because we know that you're working on our behalf Lord God I thank you there are some questions that we may never have answered but we have you Lord and you have given us life we believe in you Lord above the questions above the whys we believe in your goodness we believe Lord that you will never let something happen to us that we cannot bear that you will never give us above our capacity to handle and so when we think that there is something we cannot handle it's just a sign to come to you and be reminded that you are our strength I thank you Lord that the shadow is just a shadow it didn't take us and for some of us some of us Lord God we have to learn to survive thing that you may teach us how to thrive and so surviving is not even a problem it's just a process I thank you lord but your spirit has done what none of us could do your spirit has touched each and every one in this house it has brought things to the surface and as they're at this altar as those watching are before you lord I thank you that we lay it down we lay down Lord God every resentment every place in our lives that we said god I don't even know if you ever did it everything in our life that we have become defensive towards everything in our life that has made us almost just look warm in the face that well we'll see what happens no lord I thank you that there is a fire that you are reviving within us I thank you Lord that you're awakening our ability to believe again to live again for you have said that you have you will give us life and life more abundantly no matter what lorca we are not going to cast away our confidence we would not be ashamed will not deny the fact that we still want it I thank you Lord for the testimonies for the miracles and for the manifestation of your word as your children have confessed with their mouths that they still want it and keep asleep [Music]

Channel: ONE | A Potter's House Church

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Length: 50min 58sec (3058 seconds)

Published: Thu May 04 2017