I should NOT have opened a PO Box.

how's it going boys my name is schlatt and welcome back to the stream I went back to New York for Christmas to spend some time with the family but the show had to go on so on Christmas Eve I went live with a present unboxing for my P.O box and a Christmas Eve mess man it was so good being back in New York not not because my family uh but because there was stuff there that I had forgotten to take to Texas with me I don't know if uh we like talking about that on twitch.tv anyways there is one more thing that has been left behind in New York that I think you guys are going to enjoy [Music] but before I unbox my presents I knew there was something else I had to do as I stream every Friday night at 8pm Eastern we're always doing something fun so I'd appreciate it if you could go over there give me a follow and then tune in tonight I've got my funny hat everybody we got the funny mic too oh my God what is that care other camera you have what do you what do you mean what is that that's the funny mic it's that is the Freddy Fazbear security cameras whoa it is with great joy that I invite you all to turn on your cameras and let us uh let us rejoice in the Lord and Savior birth hello what the [ __ ] is in the background of yours Jaden foxes no the other is that road runner from Looney Tunes my fault my fault ladies and gentlemen welcome to the mess we're gonna open with a song the table of Plenty it's my favorite Christian song are you guys ready do you guys know the lyrics um if you oh where by the way where's Connor where is Connor you're supposed to be here where's the Blessed boy oh hello oh there he is Connor hey man hey you uh where are you man I'm in church nice wait are you really or is there some kind of zoom in the corner no I'm in church it looks like he's in church guys it is time to sing the table of Plenty three oh okay wait what are one three two one I see it I see the video the link okay okay [Music] [Music] [Music] oh come on guys I'm not gonna lie this song [ __ ] sucks Connie do you have a question I don't know the words to the song Connor I don't say this lightly you are a terrible person yes sir thank you Father hi Matt hi Matt do you know about twitch Prime even if you don't watch the stream if you don't even care about Twitch streaming there's a way to support me for free you can go to my twitch Channel twitch.tv slash Jay schlatt hit that purple subscribe button and subscribe for free if you have Amazon Prime I just thought I'd plug it you know just thought I'd I don't need more money I'm rich because at this point in the mass where I invite Ted nivison to come up to the podium and give a reading from the holy gospel a reading from the book of one of the three kings that visited baby Jesus when he was born dear diary well we've made it me and those other two Schmucks Kings crossed the entire desert to meet a random baby Ted what what book is this from what book what book is this from from the book of the three kings that visited baby Jesus when he was born oh okay oh go on yeah can I continue the venue was a bit lackluster holding an epic Throwdown in Bethlehem requires a little bit more than a dilapidated stable especially when I'm trying to get bethleh hammered also barely anybody showed up there was an ox a donkey a husband and a wife and literally a newborn baby plus the thing wasn't even crying which is actually really creepy it was just sort of sitting there hanging out like a weirdo long story short me and the boys dropped off our gifts and we bounced right out of there worst Bethlehem trip to date by far the word of the Lord praise be to you Lord Jesus Christ oh Emma I just hold on I'm getting a DM here that says that says that he went on Emma's Twitter and found some strange tweets he could be speaking about could you maybe like explain what this one is laying my freshly snipped foreskin out to dry on the windowsill so I could use it to roll a joint later is that is that did you tweet that yeah yeah about it later so spoiler oh you're going to talk about that later I told you I love flesh right I'm just like this is a Catholic service I don't know I guess I'm kind of like wondering hold on no okay there's another Christmas haters this is a safe space why did you tweet that um because I hate Christmas which which part why are you here I I don't know I kind of just got like really high and I kind of just wanted in here yeah okay I'd now like to invite Emma langevin up to the stage to do the second reading of the mass so uh it already gave us the Eucharist and as we all know as Catholics that is a second sacrament we receive following baptism and has anybody else put together how like erotic and ritualistic it is for all of us to line up and take turns eating some dude's body like did you know the proper way to take the Eucharist is to place it on your tongue like a tab of acid and let it melt on your mouth and now I know this is done before but let me take a shot at it why am I not supposed to [ __ ] with Satan if he lets me do all the cool [ __ ] like why would I spent why would I want to spend eternity in a gated community in the clouds for the rest of my life when I could just go to Florida and rot there like dude Connor do your reading I'm a little I'm a little overwhelmed oh I'm oh I'm overwhelmed too don't worry oh thank you for the invitation father I'm excited to spread the word today you're welcome you're welcome my son oh hold on time out Connor time out Connor I'm getting a call it's Austin's show oh I am here to deliver the gospel the gospel oh [ __ ] okay it's all about getting together getting together is one with your families um so true and most important it's about [ __ ] uh it's about sucking big old [ __ ] you know I'm dreaming of a white Christmas uh and usually it's uh when it's all over my face wow that was beautiful I mean it was passionate keep going keep going out of love for the truth and from desire to to elucidate it the Reverend father Martin Luther master of arts and sacred theology an ordinary lecturer there in at Wittenberg and tends to defend the following statements and dispute on them in that place okay uh one when our Lord and Master Jesus Christ how many of these are you going to read 95. [Music] you have Martin Luther's number he's right I fooled you I'm not even hold on I'm not in church I'm at home because you can connect to the Lord from your home no I'm sorry guys I'm cutting this service to a non-denominational church this is [ __ ] ridiculous oh he's got he's got he's got Protestant clothing now it says [ __ ] I give no it's a nun [ __ ] you [ __ ] you [ __ ] you you suck Jesus love Jaden I think you have the last reading of the day oh oh this is while he was alive performed 34 Miracles I would like to say that two of the Miracles was he fed a lot of people the first one was he fed 4 000 people I just wanted to bring up the conversation that Mr Beast recently posted a video feeding ten thousand people I feel like there might have been like less people back then maybe yeah no no that's not awesome but my favorite my favorite um miracle that Jesus performed he caught a lot of fish and I would like to read the scripture of when he caught a lot of fish he said to Simon put out into deep water and let down the nets for a catch when he had done so they caught such a large number of fish that their Nets began to break and I think that's incredible wow so then he was crucified and what the [ __ ] are you talking about would you just skip into the ending like that I gotta spoil you for this after he came back he performed one more miracle and he went out and caught more fish and I would like to that was the last thing he called out to them friends haven't you any fish throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some I was a really big fan and I will say that I drew some fan art um of that that scripture oh wow and I figured that I wanted to share it with other people you know like a like a fan fiction sort of thing so I did include a a YN version and I did another fan fiction of the second hauling of fish after he was crucified and I did do what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] is this bloody Jesus Christ that's your problem lightning everybody I hope you've had a great time Christmas is coming in in mere hours what are you hoping for before we depart a hot milf under the tree okay goodbye Emma it's been awesome wait oh do we say our wish and then get banned okay I hope to be not banned I hope to get bethleh hammered after that was a complete and utter failure I decided it was time to unbox some presents now you guys sent me these packages a while ago I had a very secretive P.O box uh almost a year ago at this point but I'm very happy to announce that we haven't no one it's on screen right now you can send me whatever you want but please I ask if you're gonna send me anything please put in effort don't just don't just type in my address on Amazon and send me a package from Amazon right put together a box write me a little handwritten letter some cool something funny something for Content because at the end of the day that's the only reason I'm gonna open it hey you know we don't dwell on the negatives we dwell on the positives and we dwell on what's Happening next on the stream look at the [ __ ] [ __ ] books is behind me got so many boxes so many presents and we're just gonna open them again these were sent in by you guys some kind of flag looks like does anybody know who this is this is wrath nicely uh [Music] just opening presents hey you know we're having a good time foreign [ __ ] Among Us crew toy LGBT fidget toy push pop bubble sensory friends Among Us rainbow no no no no no no no no no no no the [ __ ] pulp hat back on [ __ ] you [ __ ] you I know what you want me to do I'm not gonna do it mini monkey that's what the tag says [Music] fine I'll [ __ ] do it [ __ ] you oh you want the funny mic on the chicken can you hear it is this some kind of joke guys reasons to vote for Democrats what's in it foreign [Music] ERS bumper sticker If I if I saw someone with a no haters bumper sticker I would I would slam down the Gas Pedal so hard it would kill everybody in the car why are you guys getting me so many unashamed a coming out guide for lgbtq Christians I'm gonna take that one out with me too JoJo siwa brush buddy this girl have [ __ ] everything Ted brought over JoJo siwa's cereal and now she's got a brush buddy so you're telling me after you have your JoJo siwa pink pop or whatever the [ __ ] you brush your teeth oh [ __ ] that is dmca I can't [ __ ] play that you want to hear what the funny like honestly it'll get so distorted it won't even matter [Music] foreign limit I will not be eating them no no eat these bugs or you are a [ __ ] [ __ ] no [ __ ] no oh [ __ ] okay this is a box that has been sitting out in my room in office for almost a full year and I have not opened a single one you guys aren't gonna stop calling me a [ __ ] until I eat the [ __ ] crickets [ __ ] you [ __ ] you [ __ ] you for this we're gonna they're all flavor we're going with bacon and cheese bacon and cheese flavored crickets first don't call me Cricket boy if I eat this please do not call me Cricket boy no I'm not gonna eat them I'm not gonna eat them I need you to promise me all right I'm doing it two of them I'm eating two [Music] honestly they taste better than the [ __ ] Catholic host yes I'm excited about because this is I've just been eyeballing this for a year don't call me [ __ ] Cricket boy this is exactly what I said don't [ __ ] call me crappy boy I don't need crickets oh my God there's a lot of [ __ ] in here Cosmic Brownies dude those who that do not know I have not had a cosmic brownie in probably two decades the last time I had a cosmic brownie I had trouble swallowing I must have had some kind of allergic reaction to it and I was sitting in front of the sink for like in a good hour just spitting that's all I did after I ate that [ __ ] Cosmic brownie you're calling me brownie boy now yeah it's just real funny guys brownie boy yeah eat the thing that you that you know the allergic reaction to last time I'm just pissed at you all now I know I have to prove you wrong I'm gonna eat it nominated I'm gonna [ __ ] eat it I don't think I'm gonna wind up spitting again I mean it was 20 years ago right bombs away [Music] are they expired hold on sell by April 6th 2021 [Music] it's fine it's fine it's whatever what is this oh [ __ ] is this like a knockoff bit but Beyblade put it in here I'm guessing let it rip oh it's spinning it's just beyond the [ __ ] reach of the camera [ __ ] me party poppers hey this product is usually used for indoor and outdoor celebration occasions [Music] all right I'm gonna do two more hey everybody it's me Merry Christmas Jesus [ __ ] Christ one last one last popper as I say here we go [Music] merry Christmas everybody I hope you have a good one safe happy holiday hope Santa brings you all the [ __ ] you wanted and uh see you around [Music] thank you

Channel: jschlattLIVE

Views: 3,983,276

Keywords: jschlatt, jschlattlive, jschlatt livestream, schlatt, livestream, twitch, jschlatt twitch, jschlatt livestream highlights

Id: 1PIH0BZehAM

Length: 17min 31sec (1051 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 14 2022