"I Hate My Kids" Says Most Moms | Breaking News

[Music] from West Hollywood California the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it anyone who laughs or breaks loses points this is breaking news hello and welcome to breaking news the show where we have no idea what we're about to do or say and aren't allowed to smile or laugh I'm actually geese and I'm Jeff but you can call me Dad if you want kiddo no pressure I just love your mom so much panic at the local roller rink as a rogue roller blader trolled those stroller Derby by rolling around bowls and bowls of ravioli every year at the stroller derby sleep-deprived parents straight-up bodycheck each other with their tots and toe and so way to blow off the steam accumulated from carrying their four grimy little booger bags that never stop [ __ ] it's like rugby on skates but with way more toddler concussions well yesterday's event was upended by a self-described pasta Stan whose lungs severely sauced ravioli all over the playing space straining skates and making one kid fall right down on his butt in that great way where he doesn't know he's supposed to cry for a few seconds and it's fun to watch the sadness creep slowly across his face said the vandal pasta is the one true food staple cauliflower rice tastes like packing peanuts and quinoa is just steamed dirt down with all Kido fascists well Mo's played the role of Rolie Polie one of the goalies boldly told a cannoli to his skull killing him instantly holy moley wanted imbroglio that can't be right let's check in with our entertainment reporter Fink binkham Fink how are ya exhausted actually I just finished watching Netflix oh the whole thing yep temples to toenails my dude and how was it like being kicked in the shins for about a month there are so many Christmas movies like half of them feature Santa either [ __ ] or trying to [ __ ] which really noodles my poodle I'll bet it was endless I sat through Norwegians fishing peacefully all dogs go to heaven except yours the blunder side look who's talking now it's toilets and they're pissed marvels can't man and ten full seasons of some horrific Allah unfunny crap called friends but it was worth it to discover neck netflix new rap competition rhythm and flow oh yeah it was a revelation I realize I'm hip hop's [Music] can't rap look at me try I gotta go for sick freestyle bars Oh stripe drop the bling wow I'm so polished do more you know okay so here we go here we go we're gonna rap about Netflix I am gonna rap about Netflix on the Internet really going for it why not got a mic right here on the floor really Thunder truck are you laughing at my sick grout here we go and now it's swinging sorry PO sick and how does the hook go like the hook I'm really glad you asked oh she rub in and she stop it she rubbed it in and she stopped it she'd grap it and she kept it and she spinning it around great stuffing I'll be humming that one okay home to my terrible husband let's turn now to our chief economy person dance probably damn thanks dad we flip today down a slip and slide which always looks super fun in the commercials but just ends up shaping your rump tom and your Duggar hold it bummer that left the economy a sad little baby these friends I'll probably have a text rain without him then the economy brightened considerably on news that it's ax got fired from their job before smiling and after eating a third bowl of frosted flakes when it promised itself the second was the last bowl said the economy I should be allowed to doubt myself I have to get my permission to have down days then it cried and cried which is also allowed it better be oh good question damn how do derivatives work interesting so uh a derivative is the slope is the slope of a curve can you wrap it I will not and I have not been asked to did you remember it was a slope of a curve so to do it I mean I did well I wasn't asked to so I only do have told so if you have an equation you actually just add one to the exponent and that you could by I actually wasn't question about exponents could you define them yeah you can find an expert when you find one no define like yeah an exponent is like what like 3 to the third that means 3 times 3 times 3 do you get it which is what which is what which is no my got 27 a quick follow up I do think that we were talking about derivatives in the economic sense not in the mathematical sense um they're very interrelated ok [ __ ] alright good actually dad thank you I just love your mother so much [ __ ] slope of a curve so if you're looking for the derivative of a curve in economics I'm sure it just means like the growth rate of some [ __ ] stock sounds like my 401k would be in trouble if I had one well that's all the time we have for tonight I'm actually geese and I'll I'm just really trying to make this marriage thank you little snut so meet me halfway here before we go we should say that our loser this week is leigh sepra now thanks for watching breaking news this just in you 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Channel: CollegeHumor

Views: 461,321

Rating: 4.914969 out of 5

Keywords: Collegehumor, CH originals, comedy, sketch comedy, internet, humor, funny, sketch, Breaking News, laughing, fake news, laughing during sketch, breaking character, fake newsroom, bloopers, breaking, rekha shankar, mike trapp, elaine carroll, ryan creamer, collegehumor don't laugh news, don't laugh news, contagious laughter

Id: Jmm2OQy2oac

Length: 6min 35sec (395 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 28 2020