All right, we're checking out the only game where you get to teach people
how to become terrible humans when they grow up, it's Teacher Simulator. First day at school,
gotta ask the class a question, if they answer wrong, they're gonna
get a sharpened pencil to the eye. Go. Where are you-
where are you all looking at? Which animal is pink? I don't actually know the answer to this. Oh, wait, yes, I do,
it's a Floridian question. It's a Flamingo. At least I hope it's a Flamingo. How come everyone's raising
their hand but you two? You think because you're in the back you don't have to participate? Can I throw this? Oh, I ended up picking this guy. Cow. This girl over here is like, wow, I'm embarrassed to be sitting
next to this dude. I love how the game has to tell me at first that this is the wrong answer. Says who? What if I'm color blind? He sits down with his head held low
and everyone else around him is like, yeah, he's a failure. All right, you young lady in the back. What you got for me? A Flamingo. Also how old is this class? Because, as of right now, I've got someone
who may have a future and someone else who looks like they drink Elmer's glue. All right, here we go. What does LOL stand for? Why is this a classroom question? [laughs] Oh, because it's 2022. Do-do children actually
get questions like this? Like, would this show up on a test? All right. You,
you look like a raggedy doll come to life, you also match your shoes in your shirt. Laugh out loud. I mean, she's right. Well, what if I say she's wrong? What, did I just get fired in one shot? Good. I got $123 for that. Uh, also what planet is this? It kind of looks like earth,
except for the fact that there's an ocean
like zipper going up the middle. Oh, this does not look like the same class. Did I already get thrown outta
the last one and put into a different one? All right, what do you-- What do you got for me here? What is this? Is this like your report card. Oh, okay, am I allowed to-- Woo. Now, normally you would just
check mark that she got this right, but instead I'm going to give you IQ points. You get seven IQ points, hippo. All right, we got a problem here, Beth. There's not even a hippo
on this freaking card, like I would've been okay
if at least there was a hippo down here and these are pretty good drawings. Like I didn't draw these. Most people would know
this is a slightly durpy dog. This dog may have had a stroke. The-the left side of his face is much lower than the right side of his face. Actually, am I allowed
to give this dog like a sword? That'd be cool. Yeah, there we are. Excellent. Perfect. Right there. I love how the game just decides,
it's like, oh, yeah, they pretty probably hit,
he probably checkmarked it, it's not like anyone will play
this game and draw a terrible rendition of the sword from the movie 300 on a dog. Now a lot of teachers give
their class like a nickname, like for the entire classroom, something that everyone can really rally
behind, bring the morale up. So, uh, you should all be
very proud because the name of this classroom is No Survivors. I kind of had to go off the paper
for this, but I think y'all get it. Bad marking. She got a D. Cabbage. Beans. Does this reset all of the items? Oh, it just resets my markings. Am I allowed to draw
on this entire thing now? [laughs] All right, since you draw a cabbage here,
uh, you can have-- Here's Aquaman's Trident, there we are, and we have a car with
a growth hormone problem. I think
what's really scary is all these kids have better handwriting than I do. Like here, watch. See his-See his car, how is this? Car. There. I wasn't really sure
what I wanted to put here, so I'm just gonna put the word death so he can bring this home
to his mother and be like, "Mommy, what does this mean? The teacher wrote this on my paper. Bad marking. Where? An F. I think that kid actually did
pretty good in the beginning. Wait a second. So, there's no second-guessing
the marks I give or anything, whatever I decide,
that's where you all sit in life. Also, this isn't fair. How come all the other kids
had like a car or a fish? This kid gets the Eiffel Tower. This is not even in the same realm
as like a sheep. Should just make like a bunch
of tiny specs on a paper and be like, "What is it?" And the kid will be like,
"I don't know, freckles." I'd be like, "Wrong,
it's the Philippines, you fail." I like how it decided
that my gigantic F was the grade. Fish. The fish says no. Eiffel Tower. This actually is the Eiffel tower. I will give this to you. You my son may have be. Now everyone go home
and don't come back tomorrow. I never want the same children
twice in a day in my classroom. Hi, it's the end of the day,
zero exams were marked-- Oh my gosh, at first I thought
it was gonna say like, you know, you made zero mistakes and I was like, how? I didn't get one thing right. This lady's looking down, she's like,
how do I still have a job? Okay, what's next? What is this? Hall monitoring. I have to unlock things
to do in school by gambling. What am I wearing? Is this how I'm going to school now? My name is Captain Calculus. Let's do this. TV & Film class. Okay. What else we got? General Knowledge. Uh-huh. Food. All right. Well, let's let's do TV. I'm in-I'm in TV class
and I have to sharpen the pencils. Why don't the kids
sharpen their own pencils? Oh. Not sharp. All right, kids. Here's Here's the actual test. You need to finish your test with this. If you run out of pencil, you fail. By the way, the test is 800 questions long. Ready for class. All right, Jacob. Let's see what you got here. What is this? What is this? Oh, it's supposed to be a car. It looked like a hovercraft. Uh. I mean, you got one of the wheels on right. What did you do to the axel? Also, what is this? He's like, "It's saliva. I tried to eat it." And what did it taste like? He's like, "Failure." You realize I have-I have popcorn in the back of the class you can eat, right? You know what, you get an A. Oh, wrong grade. Shut it. All right. Let's see what we got here. Oh, wow. Well, you put everything in place,
didn't you? Look at this. This is the very first instance of someone doing something right in my class,
myself included, you understand. I can't give you an A, though,
because that would be weird, especially when I'm screwing
everyone else over. Aye. Oh, my God. How did you break it in half? He's like, "My hero is Randy Orton. I was trying to RKO it." You know what, A+. All right. Now, I think if I-if I-- Yes. Zero were marked correctly. Excellent. All right. It's a new day over here in film class, although I don't know how that last assignment had anything to do with film. What we got here? Draw a scene from a comedy TV show. Oh. See, the balloon is happy right here. Pennywise isn't a bad guy. He's just misunderstood. Everyone eats human
flesh every once in a while. Yes. This is an A+. All right, young lady. What you got here? Draw a character from a horror film. Did you copy off of your neighbor? Because this is the exact same drawing. Like I'm actually kind of amazed. These days the kids are probably getting so ingenuitive
that she probably has like a scanner and a printer in her back pocket. Her phone probably does it. Poor Pennywise. He made his way into this game. He's like, "Kill me." Bad marking. So what does that give you? Oh. It just defaults to an F. I remember you from the first class. Draw a character
from a science fiction film. What is this? This is my neighbor. She's like, "Uh,
this is an alien with green skin." Yeah. My neighbor has green skin too. He has jaundice. She's probably like, "He has a laser sword." I know. That's what he uses to cut the grass. This is a failure, a straight-up failure. Get out of my-- In fact, don't come back tomorrow. In fact, don't come back to school tomorrow. Captain Calculus signing out. All right. We got a new class that I'm a-- I'm available to destroy. What else we got here? And survey says exam supervising. Hey. Oh, I can also do Geography. Okay. There we go. Yeah. That's -. Oh. How about now? Nope. Not yet. Oh. Oh. No. Nearly there. Hey. Ho. Ho. Hey. I love playing the drums
on my pencil sharpener. The kids are probably like,
"Can we start class?" No.
Not until I'm done sharpening the pencils. There. That is not sharp. That is violent. Like you could murder someone with that. All right. John Wick is ready to go. Now, this is food class
I decided to do this day. And so we're gonna see how you've done. Beans, onion, apple. You have literally failed
every single item, everything. You didn't get a single one right. But I love pineapples,
so I'm gonna give you an A+ on everything. There we go. Now, you got a D. How about that? Okay. We have a baguette. I like how this is the same picture twice. And he's like,
"If I choose two different things, I'll have twice
the potential that one of them is right." You must feel really bad for yourself now knowing
that both of your answers were wrong. But I actually love baguettes. So you know what, they're all right. Here we go. You're welcome. We got a B for that. Welcome to grades classroom
where the grades don't matter. I like how everything
was like a really simple food like, you know,
like a pineapple or-or beans or something, and then we have an entire taco. Like it's not a single item
like an apple or a pear or a watermelon. It's a whole taco. God. I love tacos. Yes. Beautiful. And a B for her. You know what, a-actually, I've decided
I think I wanna pass everyone. Actually, I'm gonna pass the dumbest people. I'm gonna let them go out into the world. All right. Find cheaters. See what we got going on here. Now, what does a cheater look like? No one looks like they're cheating. They all look like they don't know
what they're doing. This kid looks like he's like,
"I wish I didn't get up this morning." All right. Let's All right, you little cheaters. Let's see what we got going on here. Ah, look at this. Yeah, you know how cheating is met,
you get out. Get out of the-- Oh, my God he just ran his head
into the wall so hard he disintegrated. I see you in the back corner. You too disintegrate yourself, now. Good. All right, who else wants to cease to exist. Uh, this girl's cheating,
but technically the guy she's cheating on disappeared from the face of the earth,
so does that count? I feel like that doesn't count,
but I caught this kid, so you can go now. Plus you're like duplicated,
there's two of you, so if I-- If I like have one of you just vanish
into thin air, technically
I still have another one laying around. All right, new game available. I want one of the punch-in-the-face games. Fight stopping. I was about to say
it's the only game I have left, I'm pretty sure the only thing
I have is punching people in the face. All right, here we go. Geography, general knowledge, sports, but geography you make the most money in,
and I'm terrible at it, so we're doing it. All right, in geography, two kids
preparing to beat each other to death. Spray? How am I stopping this fight? By using a fire extinguisher? I have to mention too, uh, is this-- Does this girl have glowing red eyes. I think that's supposed
to be like blush under her cheeks, but it looks like she has demonic red eyes. Slay the demon. Slay. Might as well use this all up. It's like there's an infinite amount,
so there's nothing left of the girl. All right. [laughs] Stop it now. We're ready for class, are we? All right, what you got for me? What do we have here? A forest fire. Uh, okay. Kind of looks like a depressed rain cloud. The USA. I like how it's not a flag,
it's just the whole country. That's good enough. Statue of Liberty. How do any of these make any sense? Like I get the USA
and the Statue of Liberty. How does a forest fire
have anything to do with geography? You know what? Sure, and I'm gonna give you the USA, too, because it's where I keep my stuff. Oh, wait, hold on. I have a problem. You actually got two out of three right. I can't have you go on in this world,
so here. Next. All right,
hopefully you're dumber than the last kid. Summer and it's a house just
getting washed away by the sea. Christ the redeemer. Uh, yeah, sure. I mean,
that's what summer's like in Florida. You know what? The fact that you got the Eiffel Tower, here you can-you can have everything. You get an A-plus. How about that? All right. Next. Leaning Tower of Pisa,
Eiffel Tower, Pyramid. You were so close to being right. Do yourself a favor, tell the school your current teacher
brings you nothing but fear and dread. Get out of my classroom. All right,
let's see if we got some zeros today. Yeah. Okay,
is this gonna be better or what is this? What, do I got these kids
making advanced pottery? How does this-- Again, what does
this have to do with geography? What, are you gonna use
this to like club your mother to death? Look at this. Oh, this is broken shards. You know what? You get an A. Check around the sides. Why should I? All of these items just
look like instruments of war. Go ahead. Yeah, it looks great. Wow, you're the one child. Actually, even you-how did you-what, did you take a bite out of the top? This is actually the same color as you. This is like cannibalism. I love it. You get an A as well. And that right there is the classroom
of endless failures. Well, now my class can go out into the world and probably blow it up
in the next three years. Anyway, folks, hope you enjoyed
this episode of Teacher Simulator. Until next time, stay foxy, much love.
