I feel like I failed at life

I feel like I failed it's currently 11:39 p.m. at night for me I just got off a 11h hour shift just got off like a 4H hour call with some of my YouTube friends and I I don't know I just feel like I completely failed at life maybe not really maybe I'm being too dramatic but I did you know disappoint myself or my younger self with things I could have done better I've always wanted to do YouTube it's been a big dream of mine you know something I've wanted to do since like 2012 2011 and you know it's really not fair it's like I started doing this stuff back in like 2013 and never really gave up always got made fun of at school for it but I didn't really care about that stuff that stuff doesn't really matter to me it's kind of funny to look back on but it's like everything I try I feel like I always fail at and now all my YouTube friends are like making like 10K a month 20K a month doing all this stuff and I'm I'm working a job I absolutely cannot stand anymore for like 3K a month and I'm starting in school full-time and it's hard it's hard to work 40 hours a week do school full-time and YouTube full-time and balance it while you watch all your friends make like 10K a month off a dumb YouTube video and then on top of that seeing a bunch of new creators that are not even passionate about YouTube at all just blow up and they just started in like 2018 and I've been doing this since 2013 and they were the ones that said YouTube was stupid back then and now they're doing it everyone wants to do it and YouTube is so fake now there's no passionate stuff even this type of video I tried to make this like a year ago and it completely flopped and now I'm seeing some other guy kind of like popping off on it and you know I'm thinking like I'm just kind of starting it CU this is the kind of stuff I like just down to earth videos you know I honestly think YouTube is going to come to a point again when it's down to Earth because I used to love to to watch YouTube videos all day like I can watch them all day but now it's just such a headache cuz everything is so many cuts and everything it's just so much screaming Cuts captions transitions sound effects it just gives me a headache the reason why I loved YouTube was because it was YouTube it was just some guy just like me doing things I like but now it's just all this corporations and companies and money and I I feel like eventually people are just going to get tired of it and come back to just chill videos you know like eventually something's got to change but that's not even the point it's like I just feel like YouTube isn't meant for me no matter how passionate I am I just feel like it's not meant for me but I still don't think I should quit because if I quit I'll never make it but I I I started doing Cash Cow videos for you know people which is like I'll make videos for them and produce it there was like this huge you know Trend going on with a bunch of people trying to get in cash cow videos and I know there isn't really relatable not let people know about this but like I would legit make videos for clients like they would tell me hey Martin make a Roblox video on like top 10 Xbox games I'll legit record edit it my skin my character upload it they'll upload it they'll get like a million views I'm like hey that did pretty good let me just do the same thing again for my channel I'll do it it get 2K views I'll legit collab with some of my YouTube friends and we'll make the same video like we'll record it together upload it those will get like 100k M will get like 2K views and this is just across all my channels and you know what I really regret doing is not staying consistent not focusing when I was younger when I was younger like I was like just doing stupid videos like leafy or like rice gum but I wasn't even fully doing them right like I now I know how to do it but I was like making like one video every now and then and I didn't really stick to a schedule and like looking what all my friends are doing like they just uploaded Minecraft videos every single day and they're successful and it's like now when I do it I completely fail at it and I just feel like I completely like screwed myself because now I'm working a job I hate and I'm doing school and I'm panicking cuz like I'm only 20 about to be 21 but like I really need to get this YouTube stuff figured out bro like for real for real like I do not want to like work I want to just do YouTube full time you know and I don't know I kind of screwed myself up like this is my skin right like I make Minecraft videos on a whole other channel it's like a search based Channel Martin is epic you can check it out and um what I kind of screwed myself with is I bought that channel from someone else so my main channel that I've been focusing on is main man Mart that's like what I've been grinding on and you know it kind of flopped you know it's YouTube shorts and everything which now I'm focusing on like YouTube shorts but like I also want to make documentaries but it's just so hard like I'm just not passionate anymore it feels like I feel like burnt out I still like making the videos but just editing them I can't I've been editing for like 13 14 years I just can't edit anymore I'm not passionate and I just find myself in this trend thing where I've just like I I just oh man I just realized I'm recording the wrong screen I've been playing Minecraft this whole time oh shucks okay one second don't know how that happened but something's always got to go wrong but I'll just change the gam playay up but I've just been mining wood you know but I just find myself constantly like hopping on different Trends and like changing up my plan like I'll make a plan I'll be like this is a solid plan and I'll switch up and I'll switch up and then I'll switch up and then I'll switch up and then I'll switch up and then I'll switch up and eventually like a year pass and I'm nowhere I haven't made I haven't made one step because I keep on changing the path you know changing the lane and I'm not really moving but um yeah it's like it's so odd it's just not like jealousy or Envy really it's like I want them to succeed when I like see other people doing better than me I'm like happy for them I want them to succeed but I'm so competitive I'm like why can't I be like that why can't I be in that position especially when like I've legit done this stuff for people people and they succeed with my voice my gameplay my video my idea and then I do the same thing and I flop you know what I'm saying it's like it kind of sucks it just makes it feel like it's not meant for me but then like why am I so passionate about it why do I care so much why am I you know so like oh I'm obsessed with it you know what I'm saying yeah but I guess right now I guess I just don't want to give up you know I still feel like I have a chance let me wait know what you guys think in the comment section like you know if you guys are around my age do you feel like you screwed up is there anything you regret I kind of just regret not being more strategic and smarter and I just I don't know it just sucks you know not being able to do what I love and having to work a dumb job where I'm like unappreciative unappreciated I'm appreciative but they don't appreciate me I was in the hospital bro and they tried to write me up I'm like bro I was literally in the hospital on oxygen you know what I'm saying but it will be okay in the end guys I feel like you know we just got to hustle together grind together help each other just the YouTube space kind of isn't really right anymore you know the way YouTube is but I'm happy I recorded this video I was like laying in bed in my Fields like man what a waste I work 12 hours today joined a call my friends kind of told me some feedback which I appreciate they're not being mean they're just telling me like bro your videos suck you're not putting in effort and they're kind of right like I I didn't put any effort in my videos recently and you know it kind of sucks that I'm rebranding it cuz like again like look at me I'm not really attractive towards a younger audience if that makes sense like no one wants to watch a bearded man talk about how to get shaders on Minecraft Xbox one right so I'm like trying to Rebrand to like a a cartoonish friendly style but it just hurts because man this is me like I made this skin based off what I look like in real life and same with my Roblox character so like you know making content around that would be fun cuz because it relates to me but it's just not working like it's just not what people like it's not going to help me achieve my goals and dreams of just doing YouTube full time and I don't even want that much money bro like my friends make like good money like one of my friends makes like 30k off this stuff like and I just want like two to three grand just to pay the bills and get by you know what I'm saying and I don't know man it kind of sucks that I have to work full-time now do school and then I'm still grinding on YouTube and hustling but no one really understands this like none of my friends in real life do my parents don't no one really gets it no one really understands it they're always like let's go out bro let's go out and I'm like dude I can't I I I'm tired I just worked that scared me that that did scare me yeah I'm kind of rambling on in this video going off and I know this video probably won't be seen by anybody but if you're watching this far I appreciate you man just go ahead and comment down below what you're in your feels about you know maybe we can all talk help each other vent you know what I'm saying but no one's going to relate to this video like I can't can't even do this right I can't even make a video talking my feelings right because no one is going to understand what like cash cow is and and all that stuff it's like someone will pay you to make a cash cow is like essentially like YouTube automation like someone wants to do YouTube but they'll just pay someone else to do all the videos because they don't want to do it um yeah this is a nice Hut I don't know what I just built but um yeah you know I hope you know you guys enjoyed um I wish you guys the best you know I might upload again I might not I don't really know I'm just going to upload on this video in my feels cuz it kind of did help me you know I vented a bit I talked about it and I'll just let it out you know what I'm saying kind of like in school when you're angry and they like write a letter to the person before you tell them that that stuff actually works like if you're mad at someone write the text and save it in your notepad for like a day and then the next day you're like I don't even want to send that I'm glad I didn't you know I don't know just essentially I feel like I just screwed myself like I literally just screwed myself in the ass like bro like I don't know just it's weird weird bro like all the YouTubers I used to watch when I was a kid and we were the same age some of them have like millions of subscribers now and I'm nowhere I I nowhere like I've gotten nowhere like I I just screwed myself cuz like I don't know like I just failed at everything CU like buying that channel the audience didn't really pay attention to the videos YouTube's pushing it to dumb since they don't click it it won't really get pushed my main man Mario channel that I've been doing since a kid has been everywhere so the audience is from everything from like YouTube tutorials Call of Duty GTA Minecraft YouTube shorts whatever sub for sub crap I did when I was a kid um I don't know I kind of screwed myself I honestly I'm just going to watch the sun set and end this video off you know hopefully I can fix everything it's just going to take a couple years of grinding and maybe putting an effort into the videos um yeah I mean we'll see where it goes

Channel: LowkeyMartin

Views: 518,526

Keywords: minecraft, failure, mental health, anxiety, your stalking my tags haha ik your using vidiq or tube buddy

Id: Q2A8H9ddHTg

Length: 10min 57sec (657 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 03 2024