dating won't solve your problems.

so recently I noticed that a lot of my friends are either in long-term committed relationships or are on the track to get married like I actually have some friends that are getting married this Summer others that are engaged others that are getting ready to get engaged and then there's me fresh out of a long-term relationship thinking about all of this and saying wow I'm glad I'm not them and I'm not saying this to throw shade at my friends of course it's more to say that I'm not in that place in my life but at the same time I don't think people in my age group should really be in that place in their lives keep in mind I'm 22 going on 23 and most of my friends with some error of margin or around a year to two years older or younger and I'm talking about this because I'm seeing a lot of comments that are something along the lines of I don't have a girlfriend and I don't know how to get one or I can't find love and I've been looking and I just can't do it and to those of you I say don't get a girlfriend don't look for love don't look for a relationship let it find you naturally and I'm going to speak more on this in terms of the GU side of things trying to get a girlfriend rather than a girl trying to get a boyfriend mainly because I don't have much experience looking for a boyfriend in fact I don't have any at all when you're in the younger 15 to 20 range trying to get a relationship is in many case is pointless because you end up breaking up anyway sure it's good for experience and to understand what it's like to be in one but it's not usually lasting too long then again I have a couple of friends that are 8 years together High School sweethearts engag AED and it worked out for them so it's not to say that it doesn't happen it's just very unlikely but other than that other than to just have a bit of fun and just experiment and understand what it's like to be in a relationship there's really no point in doing the high school relationship type of thing you know focus on school focus on Sports focus on friends and making friends but if you fully understand all this stuff you're looking for hookups you're looking for a short relationship or just a date casually fine run it that's yeah that's a completely different thing and go right ahead and then as you get older you're in college you're out of school you're doing Life as a whole think about what your goals as a guy are first think of what your goals are think of what you want to do think of what type of lifestyle you want to lead if you don't know what lifestyle you want to lead if you don't know what your interests fully are you probably don't want to bog any of that down with a partner or a girlfriend or any sort of relationship like that for that matter any sort of romantic relationship you probably don't want to have to deal with because the truth is when you do enter a relationship everything becomes slower and you do it less and that goes from schoolwork to friends to sports to anything because you are so infatuated with some new person in your life that is making you feel all the good feelings of being infatuated and hormones and all kinds of fun stuff everything is going to take a back seat for quite a significant amount of time I'm talking months here and that's kind of a biolog iCal thing because as humans as a species our goal is to ensure that the species survives that means procreation that means being in relationships that means just creating the new generation making children okay so it is all natural these are all natural things that go through our heads and why we do the things we do okay seriously here we go again with the skeletons it makes sense why everything else takes a back seat because we are doing the most important thing that we can for our species to survive but with that comes the problem of the societal way that Humanity has now grown to be we now have jobs and have goals and aspirations for ourselves that all come to a halt when we find a partner they will kind of take a back seat because our now primary goal of continuing the species comes first and of course that eventually Fades away with time and if that Fades away in an aggressive way and you end up breaking up with that person you end up thinking wow that was a year of my life what have I been doing in this year and then you start to realize that you haven't been really doing much of anything else other than hanging out with your girlfriend and you try to go back to everything your friends are kind of annoyed at you because you haven't hung out with them your grades might have suffered immensely your boss might be pissed off with you chronically to the point where you might have been fired a lot of things could have happened because of this relationship so that's why I say don't get a relationship on the other side of that coin if you're someone who has a good understanding of what they want in life you have a good understanding of how you want your life to go where you want in a partner then I would try and look for a girlfriend right because it's more of a thing that's missing from your life rather than the sole purpose of your life a lot of people go into relationships thinking that this is their only source of happiness and that this is the only way that they're going to be happy and find success in their life and the truth is that is the worst possible way to think about it you should look for someone and think of them as an extension of Happiness of your life not the sole reason you should say hey I have a career that I want I'm going out and having fun with friends I'm doing X Y and Z but I think it would be better if I could actually add another person a partner to this an example is maybe you were going to take a I don't know pottery class and you thought to yourself hm this might be a fun thing to do with someone but you were going to do it anyway right you were going to do this pottery class you were going to do it regardless but adding a partner adding someone to share that experience with will most likely make it more fun in that same note maybe today you thought you were going to watch a movie but hey maybe watching a movie with a partner might be more fun you were still going to watch the movie but you thought to yourself hm this would be more interesting to do with somebody else and that's when you start dating that's when you start looking for people that match your interest and match things you want to do or you're looking for someone that's different than you completely and maybe that's what's missing you need someone to add some of that more interesting change in your life rather than looking for someone that you want to share everything with all right a little side note I want to upgrade the face of this house and make it out of jungle wood so let's see how how that looks and that's how you start looking for partners that's how you start looking for what you want and what you don't want but you can't do that if you haven't at least started building a foundation of understanding who you are as a person this kind of falls into the Love Yourself video which I have linked above you can't really know what you love in someone else until you love yourself and on the same note you can't know if you're going to like someone if you don't know what you like because guess what the physical appearance of someone is not enough and as a guy you might think it's enough because with guys it's kind of a 50/50 you need to like what your partner looks like a lot of the time to actually be attracted to them but guess what looks fade over time you get older you get wrinkly you get white hair and saggy skin and all kinds of other fun stuff so what's left the person's intellect the person's personality the person the things the person likes to do people are still themselves when they get older maybe a little different as they get older but they still are themselves unlike looks personality does not fade intellect does not fade and once again if you don't know what you're looking for if you don't know what you like other than knowing what you want your partner to look like you're not going to find someone that you want to be with and that's a mistake that a lot of people make and I hate to be the person that says find yourself first without finding a partner but you don't have to fully find yourself okay you just need to have a good understanding of what you want take me for example I've had one relationship one serious one anyway and I learned a lot of things from that relationship I'm glad that I had that relationship and I'm also glad that when I got into that relationship I wasn't necessarily looking for one but I was definitely not opposed to having one but before entering that relationship I had a good understanding of what I wanted who I wanted to be and what I was doing okay I understood that hey I want to be in the media Industries I want to be a YouTuber I want to do this or for example these are my hobbies I like playing video games I like to travel to new places I like doing X Y and Z and logically with those things in mind I knew what I kind of needed in common with a partner start figuring that stuff out for yourself and then you'll see how easy it is to meet someone for example let's say you're like me and you like to play pickle ball if you go to a pickle ball court on the weekend odds are you're going to find people that also like to play pickle ball who you can join maybe you like these people so much that you start doing it more consistently and you form a friend group and all of a sudden you say hey maybe we should all go out for drinks together and then you get this group together you go out for drinks and you find that you like talking to this one particular girl now you might have not really thought about this particular girl in this way you might have said hey I just want to hang out with people I want to have friends and then you say okay this one's pretty this one is interesting she has more things in common with me than I knew hm what if I ask her out on a date right that kind of sucks doesn't it it needs something more I don't I can't just be straight down like that I don't know if it's because of this thing but hold on maybe the glow stone is bothering me this is Turbo boring I don't like this at all let's uh let's try that again anyway back to the pickle ball group so after you go out for drinks with the whole group you pull this girl aside let's call her Jane pull this Jane do aside and you say hey I think you're attractive I think we have things in common we should get a drink sometime by ourselves and if she says yes then great go on a few dates hopefully you like her and hopefully she likes you back and if she says no guess what you don't have to go out with her again but you can still play pickle ball with her because nothing's really going to change and yes you might say to me but I could catch feelings and all that stuff and that that stuff that will all pass and you'll say I like this one more now the other one bores me there's always somebody new there's always somebody else you're going to find attractive hell if guys talk to every single woman they found attractive they wouldn't have jobs okay that's how easy it is to find someone that you think looks cute right but this is all besides the point this here is only for the people that have figured out hey I like this I like this I don't like this if you are someone who has not figured any of that out you need to sit down and figure it out first you need to go out and figure out what you like you need to go out and embrace the unknown as I said in a different video embracing the unknown in terms of relationships is only good after you've embraced the unknown in your own personal life okay then figure out what you like on other people but you might say hold on a minute Nico I already met someone in my yoga class do you expect me to stop talking to this person I like started talking to her and I didn't wasn't I was just trying to figure out what I like hobby wise and I kind of like yoga and and I met this woman and I'm going to say to you there you go you didn't have to try you didn't even have to look for someone that's someone just showed up that someone happened accidentally you found someone you clicked with you started talking to you might start dating that's what I'm trying to say this entire time you don't have to try so hard when you're in your teens when you're in your 20s and you're trying new things and experiencing life and understanding what you like and building a foundation for yourself that's when that person is just going to show up naturally as long as you're putting yourself in situations that will allow yourself to meet people and allow yourself to experience new things while also bettering yourself and building upon yourself a person will show up for you and vice versa you'll show up for somebody else okay you'll be on someone's radar just the same way that you have someone on your radar now take everything I said here with a grain of salt I am no expert on relationships in any way shape or form I'd like to think that I understand relationships and I'd like to think that I understand people and how they're working but all I have right now is a foundation of who I am at least I think I do all I know is that before I had this Foundation I didn't really know I didn't really know what I wanted or looked for that's when I started testing the waters maybe for you trying to find a relationship is a better approach and to you I say run it let me know in the comments how it went if it worked if you think that your approach is better please let me know because I'm open to being wrong guys I'm open to being wrong about things but regardless in my opinion don't look for a girlfriend let her find you let her find You by developing yourself as a person first understanding who you are what you like and how you want to live your life thank you all so much for watching and as always good night and good luck

Channel: niko

Views: 124,453

Keywords: nikoyaps, niko, relationship, date, dating, girlfriend, boyfriend

Id: 0fS6AaCASrE

Length: 12min 17sec (737 seconds)

Published: Wed May 08 2024