I'm 27 and Never Had A Girlfriend

hi everyone i've got no idea if you can hear me or not because i haven't recorded recorded a video in a very long time but um i'm mr gaming guitarist of course you already know that because the only people that watch my videos now are people that have always been watching me not that that's a complaint or anything that's just the way the cookie crumbles no let me get to a parking spot here we are a place with a light street light that's not good okay here we go all right so um i never know what i'm going to say whenever i make a video now i just press record and let all of my thoughts out so the last few months have been difficult i mean [ __ ] my whole life has been difficult but you you will already know that um the one thing that i wanted to talk about today and it's been it's really really really been bothering me i have mentioned this a few times in the past and i aft you know i don't care if this sounds embarrassing or not because at this point i life has kicked me in the ass so many times yeah i don't give a [ __ ] anymore uh i'll just say it i think maybe i've said this before maybe i haven't but anyways though it's gonna sound it's probably uh very [ __ ] obvious just by looking at me but i'm 27 years old never kissed a girl on the lips before which of course means i'm a [ __ ] virgin which of course means i've never had a girlfriend before never dated anyone before and um it [ __ ] kills me i'm not gonna lie it does kill me a lot it hurts me a lot on the inside because it feels like every single day i see couples that are my age and at this point you know once you know the average american turns 27 years old they should have at the very [ __ ] least have had at least one [ __ ] kiss on the lips with a with a with uh with a girl they like it doesn't make any goddamn sense because this one thing feels like it's it's holding me back in life because it makes me feel a lot lesser than other people and i know i've made videos in the past uh talking about my experience with major depressive disorder and i have no doubt that these feelings of feeling lesser than everyone else for never ever you know for never having kissed a girl on the lips or for being a [ __ ] virgin at 27 years old it all of this stuff um it could be a factor of the depression pretty sure it is but nonetheless it still makes me feel like complete [ __ ] and there are times in the past and believe me this is not for lack of trying because i've have been able to get different girls phone numbers you know i've gotten at least [ __ ] 10 or 20 different phone numbers where i see a pretty girl when i'm out in public and then i just talk to her say hi my name is jared how are you and then you know have a good conversation and then i try and then you know i and then you know we exchange phone numbers and then that's the last i ever hear from them and if there's one thing that i can ask to the public and i seriously doubt that i don't know if there's any women at all that watch my my youtube videos i highly doubt it but um because it's like my face just kind of looks like repellent for pretty girls i don't know why i don't know why but uh just based on my experience that's what it feels like because and i got the perfect example um so i was at a bar and one of these girls whose phone numbers i did get i saw her again for a second time and i didn't know she was going to be there and you know i would all i did all i did was i walked is you know i walked up to her said hey good to see you again i hope you have a good day bye bye you know as simple as that and yet that one sentence alone got me kicked out of a bar [ __ ] people these days right all i did that is all i said and then she goes to the bouncer and says something to him and then bouncer comes up to me says you need to get the [ __ ] out of here right now and i said what did i do and then i said you're harassing her harassing her for saying [ __ ] hello hope yeah good to see you again hope you have a nice day are you see that this happened in when this happened in 2019 and yet the fact that i can still recall it vividly in my brain tells you a lot about how much of a [ __ ] up brain i have but anyways that really stood out to me oh and then i and then here comes the second part to that [ __ ] story this other guy that she that i guess she was with i didn't see him speak with her or whatever but some guy [ __ ] he's [ __ ] shoving me he's shoving me and then he says leave her alone all i said was one [ __ ] sentence and then he's and pretty i just snapped all right and i and this is what i said i said you know what the difference is between guys like you and guys like me guys like me will treat her like a human being and guys like you will treat her like a disposable [ __ ] me disposable pleasures i don't know why my tongue got started getting twisted trying to recall that last thing and if i did have a mic at that moment i would have [ __ ] dropped it right then and there because that's the only moment where i felt like i got something over a [ __ ] bully but anyway that so that's one story i have that sticks out to me here's another one that sticks out to me [Music] um so i uh there was this girl that i met and damn it jaren keep it together she was the first girl that i thought i had a chance with because for the first time it felt like i met a girl that gave a [ __ ] about me just as much as i gave a [ __ ] about her we had a lot of things in common loved all the same classic rock music which was rare you know for a pretty girl that was close to my age that doesn't [ __ ] happen um but anyways she told me and don't worry i'll make myself get through this because this has been stuck inside my head for a very long time and if you're seeing a bunch of flashing lights it's because i'm parked at a movie theater uh where they have a giant screen so please forgive me for that but anyways um it felt like god damn it now i'm losing my train of thought anyways so she had a boyfriend and i got along great with him you know but and i knew she had a boyfriend but this is my fatal mistake because i never told her that i cared about her or that i had feelings for that i liked her you know however you're supposed to tell a woman you like her because i've not i never [ __ ] did it before before her you know uh so i um and i remember this was while i was homeless and i just got denied my application got denied for an apartment and once that happened i called her i called her she was the first person i called and i was [ __ ] crying because you know i thought i wasn't gonna be homeless anymore at that time this was in may of uh or may or early june of 2021 and i thought that um you know because she was uh the best she was uh at the time she was quickly turning into a best friend and she told me that she said i love you to her boyfriend and at the time he didn't say it back and so she was contemplating questioning her relationship with him and me like the [ __ ] idiot that i am told her i liked her and then she said that classic [ __ ] line that every [ __ ] character that looks like me goes through in a goddamn movie she said i love you but not like that and uh it that [ __ ] broke me it really did because here i was thinking everything was going was well you know i just i and you know i should have kept that to my [ __ ] self never should have [ __ ] told her but she said i could already tell that you liked me i was just wondering when would you would you tell me and all that stuff and and you know and i was telling her you know i've never had a girlfriend before i've never i don't know how to deal with these [ __ ] feelings you know and then then after that she said and then you know we we're just gonna continue to be friends and i said okay and here's the thing i was fine with that i was perfectly fine with that you know and then she said i'm going to you know she says if him and me break up you know i'm not going to let him be the reason to stop us from being friends so anyways the life went on and then i what the [ __ ] oh god i'm such a [ __ ] idiot i should turn that light on from the very beginning anyways so life went on and uh we can and uh you know things were continued as normal and continue to hang out until one day i picked her up from her job and then i took her to and and then i took her back to where she lived with her boyfriend and i swear to god not even five [ __ ] minutes after i dropped her off i get this long long long gigantic [ __ ] novel of a text message from her that says it says i can't be friends with you because you put my relationship in jeopardy and uh i was so [ __ ] upset and i've heard these days that youtube will block your video if you say the s word now so that was the second time in my life that i attempted to take my own life and the [ __ ] up part is oh come on don't tell me i can't even sorry give me this don't worry don't worry i've got a shirt underneath here but anyways so what ended up happening was i was so [ __ ] upset i went to a dark parking lot where no one could see me and i had one of those utility knife box package opener things and i was i was going to take a [ __ ] that [ __ ] thing and just cut myself right there but i didn't because i don't know what it is i don't know you know whatever you believe in you know uh whatever you believe in whether it's if it was a guardian angel the universe the stars whatever it was but instead of cutting myself right here i was going for i was like going really quick it was right about to [ __ ] happen but instead i ended up cutting myself right here come on god damn it zoom in [ __ ] it was i don't even know if you can see that but there are two scars right there and that is one of i don't know if you can even see it but trust me it's there because every time you know i'm wearing a short sleeve shirt every time i see that all it does is [ __ ] remind me of the mistake i of the mistake i made of me ever even telling her that i had feelings for her and it's this is so [ __ ] weird because i didn't even think that this video would be about this because all i was gonna do in this video was talk about how much um just talk about how upset i am that i can't get a girlfriend and instead i end up talking about talking about my failure with the my failure with the with the only woman that i truly fell in love with because now because i thought well if that well if she doesn't give a [ __ ] about me anymore and that's true that is the only time i ever that's the last time i ever saw her but but then um she told me that boyfriend was the guy that she um didn't you know she but then eventually i found out on facebook that she she has uh she's no longer with that guy and she's with someone else and then i tried you know messaging her on facebook and never got a [ __ ] reply anymore because i was the reason because she said because because it put her relationship in danger and now she's not even with that guy anymore and yet whenever and so she's not with him anymore so i i thought you know when this was about a month ago i thought you know maybe maybe i could try you know getting in contact with her again and nothing there's nothing and i feel like such a [ __ ] failure because i [ __ ] love her she knows i love her and yet it feels like there is no closure because i did text her one time on facebook to tell her that to tell her that um you know i'm not homeless anymore she said i'm oh that's great i'm happy for you and i thought okay maybe then that would restart things up but no that is the last time i ever heard from her and um you know if and if that girl does end up watching this video i'm sorry but you never got to hear my side of the goddamn story you never got to hear how i felt and i'm recording this video i'm gonna i'm gonna put on [ __ ] youtube just knowing because i'm so [ __ ] lonely i got i mean i i've got two best friends in my life but the thing with them is you know is because i i don't get to see them you know whenever i want you know because how [ __ ] up is it that i've got a best friend i've got two best friends keanu and mo love them both like like like they're brought like they're my own brothers and yet why do i still feel so [ __ ] lonely it makes no goddamn sense i think maybe it's because i don't have a [ __ ] social life i don't know i don't know and it's so [ __ ] up because if i hate that every single time i make a goddamn video you're only seeing me when i'm [ __ ] emotional or when i'm depressed because i'm not like this all the goddamn time but it's like i told myself i can't concentrate on [ __ ] youtube because my life is such a [ __ ] mess i can't i don't have i cannot spend time or energy doing that because my credit is so [ __ ] bad it's in the goddamn 400s and that means i have to pay a thousand dollars a month for this [ __ ] 2014 chevy cruze that's not even worth anywhere near this much [ __ ] money so i'm so preoccupied with doing all of this [ __ ] that i can't go back to my old life you know back where i used to live because i live in such a tiny [ __ ] house don't get me wrong i'm grateful to not be homeless anymore but i'm just i just get so [ __ ] sick of this it's like i'm squidward in that episode squidville on spongebob well you know he moves to a town everything's perfect and then he gets sick of doing the same [ __ ] over and over and over and over and over and over again i'm sick of doing the same [ __ ] over and over and over and over and over and over again because all i do is i drive for uber for you know all [ __ ] like eight or ten hours minimum 200 miles minimum every single goddamn day then i pick up my aunt my 70 year old aunt at her job you know because because we're so [ __ ] broke even though she's going to be 71 years old soon she still has to [ __ ] work because of all the [ __ ] that happened in my life that made me homeless that was out of my goddamn control and i think that's the whole root cause of it is [ __ ] major depressive disorder and these thoughts they keep running in my head over and over and over and over and over again and i can't do anything about it because i got [ __ ] knowing that okay you know i've got him i've got mo to talk to but that's the that's the thing is that sometimes like all right when it's stuck here is stuck in my brain i mean in between passengers i just have to press the go offline button on uber and start recording all my thoughts here to this camera to this audience because it because it makes me feel like i'm gonna [ __ ] explode if i don't get all this [ __ ] that's stuck in here and i just let it all out into a [ __ ] camera and you know and i'm i'm [ __ ] sorry if this video depresses the [ __ ] out of you but hey welcome to my [ __ ] world i don't even know what i'm what the what the the title of this [ __ ] video is gonna be but i went through a whole gamut of everything talked about how i hate that i can't get a girlfriend and then ended up talking about how the closest person and i've met that could have been my that could have been my girlfriend i ended up you know attempting to take my own life for see it's all still right right there right there there's two lines right right [ __ ] in there and you know it's a reminder you know seeing those scars in my arm it's a reminder to never do something that [ __ ] stupid ever again but at the time i couldn't help it because i was so [ __ ] sad i didn't know what else to do so if you're you've been wondering how come i don't make videos all the time that's a little bit more information about how [ __ ] up my brain is so um i don't know what to call this video i'll come up with some kind of title but right now i can't think of one now my aunt's gonna wonder how come i haven't picked her up yet but anyways i've rambled on long enough clearly and uh i feel some sort of relief that i got to take months of what was stuck in my head and i let it all out because i don't know who else will f oh okay i can i don't know who else i can [ __ ] talk to so and you know and i don't care that people are gonna say oh you shouldn't spill out your personal details on youtube like that but i'll say i don't but i'll say so [ __ ] what it's my channel and if it and if it's killing me on the inside and i'm holding all these goddamn thoughts and i gotta let them out i'm gonna let them out and do whatever the [ __ ] i want it's my goddamn channel so anyways oh and i already said this i think i said this on my last video i think the last video i did was me talking about spiderman no way home i don't know but um i really don't want this to i don't want to post this video and then you have to end up waiting several months again for my next video but um i just needed to get all this [ __ ] off my chest all right so uh subscribe if you want to i don't know why anyone would but um hopefully i've got something better to talk about other than my [ __ ] depression anyway see i'll hopefully see and see you next time if you so you don't want to if you don't uh god damn it now my brain's all scrambled i hope i don't even know what the point of i don't even know what the [ __ ] comments are gonna say and who can why am i even talking as if i'm big enough on youtube for people even want to care to write a comment anyways i'll see on my next video where hopefully i don't depress the [ __ ] out of you alright see you next time bye

Channel: MrGamingGuitarist

Views: 870,488

Keywords: MrGamingGuitarist, Never, Had, Girlfriend, Depression, Mental Health, Dating

Id: mnFM2HgttRk

Length: 28min 39sec (1719 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 24 2022