I am pregnant an my stepdaughter wants me to get rid of the baby

my husband and i have been together for 14 years he's nine years older than me and has two kids from his first marriage 23 and 20 despite wanting it i've never been able to carry a baby to term one miscarriage several year ago near the beginning of our marriage and nothing since no rhyme or reason for it and my husband and i have come to terms with the fact that we won't add to the family i was sad but it is but things have been tough financially the last few years so i consoled myself that it's for the best until surprise the week before my 35th birthday i realize my period is late i get a positive test and i'm honestly over the moon if you'll excuse the cliche my husband is excited but wants us to wait to tell the family which i agree with i know the statistics and i don't want to have to be fielding constant questions if i miscarry both of my step kids are what you might call failure to launch neither have went to college and seem happy living at home or with my mill who's much more permissive than i am my drama with my mill could fill a whole just no mill database but i won't focus on that other than to say that when i first became engaged to my now husband i made it clear that i loved the kids and wanted to be a good mom in retaliation to the first and only time my stepson called me mom mill ignited a campaign of tea against me using the kids as a weapon among other things she paid them 10 every time they said something mean to me and bragged about it to the rest of the family so the relationship i have with them has been definitely strained at times and we missed a lot of years of bonding but it's improved as they've gotten older and floated outside of her sphere of direct influence i know they'll never see me as their mom at this point but i'm happy with the relationship we've managed to scrape together despite it all or at least i was happy with it so here i am pregnant happy and planning a new piece to our life that i hadn't dared to hope for in five or six years i'll let myself dream a little and go to a baby store where i cry a little bit and end up buying a soft gray blanket and a tiny pair of shoes later that same day i had to unexpectedly pick my step-daughter up from work cool fine no big deal i stopped to get gas and when i come back out she's giving me the weirdest look so are you like pregnant or something she dug into the bag when i was out of the car i cold lied easily and said it was for a friend but why would i want to lie about it i asked her if she could keep a secret she promised she could and i confirmed needless to say it wasn't the happiest of responses she just said oh wow that's a wit and was quiet the rest of the ride home to say i was a bit deflated was an understatement but she doesn't necessarily have to be happy about it me and my husband still can be all on our own even if nobody else celebrates we can a few days later and everything else is going along just fine i'm counting down the days until the ultrasound everything seems good until my stepson decides to show me a chat between him and my step-daughter where she was talking about how gross it is that i'm pregnant it's embarrassing everybody's going to assume it's actually her kid when we are out together and just general not very nice things when she's back home later i come out to talk to her while she's watching tv with my husband i'm trying to be chill but my brain is going a million miles a minute i asked her how she felt about the baby and she responded with an eye roll i ask again and tell her that i really want to know because it impacts her life too she's starting to get irritated with me she says she's tired and had a long day and could i just drop it maybe this is where i misstepped but no i can't drop it now i keep asking her to talk she keeps refusing until she finally decides to drop a bee you should just get an a because this whole thing is ducking weird honestly i'm kind of shocked at this point i knew that she wasn't delighted but damn that's a whole nother level it was like getting smacked in the face with a sock full of nickels i start crying thanked her for being honest like an idiot and then leave the room a little while later my husband comes into the room where i'm sobbing my guts out i assume he's going to try to comfort me or at least give me more context to soften the blow which he does a lot when one of the kids say something awful to me he sits down puts his arm around me and opens with maybe we should consider it come again the duck did you just say he must see mer in my eyes because he rushes on with how happy he is but we are not really in the best place financially but he just started a new job but it's hard enough with the two kids already but the kids aren't on board but but but i told him over my dead body was a baby that i've wanted for 14 ducking years is getting aborted over that it's a miracle baby not a contestant to be voted off the island i said some other things that i'm not proud of stuffed some clothes in a bag and came to my parents house i've been here for three days now and nobody has reached out to me not a ducking peep i just don't even know where to go from here i feel like i'm surrounded by insane people that are all just looking out for their own interests at least my parents are excited i guess i can't say that i'm any more as my story was last left i'm 35 and find myself pregnant with a very wanted surprise baby after many years of infertility i have a rough relationship with my melon to adult step children my step-daughter finds out i'm pregnant flips her [ __ ] and tells me i need to think about it my husband apparently agrees after hearing her opinion i left to stay at my parents house and hadn't heard from my husband in three days to be honest i didn't want to see my husband at all i had no desire after his confession my radical act of self-care was ensconcing myself in my childhood bedroom eating lots of potato chips and watching too much animal planet my parents at least were absolutely delighted over the pregnancy i'm an only child and my mom had always wanted more but had infertility problems too they went with me to my first ultrasound they cried with me they bought me a cake my dad carved a little pumpkin with an amorphous blob on it that looked suspiciously like that weird amazing amorphous blob on the sonogram screen it was sweet the day after the scheduled ultrasound and about two weeks of radio silence i received a text from my husband saying that we need to talk and i advised him that he could come talk to me in person we chose to meet at a neutral public location as my parents didn't really want his face darkening their doorstep and i agreed because i didn't want him tracking figurative [ __ ] all over my safe place so we talked or rather i talked i informed him of how hurt i was mostly by his agreement with stepdaughter he said he understood i informed him that i would not be aborting for the comfort of an overgrown toddler he nodded his head sagely i informed him how the ultrasound went he looked interested i informed him that he and his children would be moving out of my house within 30 days he was somewhat less in agreement at this point dear reader i honestly had no ducks to give at this point he had let me stew four days and days by myself i'm not sure if his tactic was to let me suck myself into an anxiety vortex as i'm wants to do and come crying back as i have before just no more i can only assume those days i spent buried beneath blankets served as a chrysalis because i was not the same person when i went out as when i went in i wanted them out of my house the house that i bought before our marriage the house that was in only my name those bricks were designed to hold happiness not petty comments and miserable people disguising their own black hearts with my tendency to see the best in them it was mine and as selfish as i'm sure someone will tell me it is it was mine alone to fill as i chose and i no longer chose them i wish i could say that my story ends with me happily getting fat and filling up a nursery with baby things but it's not that kind of story around the time my husband and his kids move their last box out an ultrasound confirmed that my baby didn't survive to say i was devastated would be an understatement but at least i had my own space to grieve not only for my baby but for the family and marriage that had been my life for almost 15 years i'm going to be ok i'm ok i'm also sad and discouraged and more than a little hollow but i'm no longer held down by 300 plus pounds of dead weight in my home thanks to everyone that reached out to me thanks for the advice thanks for making me laugh by accusing me of being a misandrist harpy and assuming i was going to run to the closest planned parenthood drive through thanks for being kind thanks for being angry thanks for understanding my sister chose to have a baby when her finances were non-existent she and her boyfriend were literally homeless and crashing on various people's couches when they decided they wanted to try to have a child they then proceeded to have a child now they have a kid and they can't afford anything for her when they need something they pretty much post it on facebook in hopes that someone will buy it for them however the generosity of family and friends has run out in the past seven days my sister has asked me for five hundred dollars for ant money for diapers money for formula money for a fourth of july outfit for her child etc she is highly irresponsible financially and i know that if i give her money she will continue to be financially irresponsible so i say no instead i have told her i will gladly help her look up food banks with baby supplies rent help programs etc or help her look for jobs she declines all these offers i know it sounds harsh but if i wanted to pay to raise a baby i would have one of my own i get that some people end up in tough situations by no fault of their own but my sister literally decided she wanted to have a baby while she herself was calling around trying to find an indoor place to sleep for the night it has become a huge issue in our family and between her and i today it was the fact that i went to the grocery store and bought thirty dollars of ribs for my boyfriend's birthday she got pissed off that i'll spend thirty dollars on fancy food but won't buy her diapers i don't know what to do anymore i'm having a hard time not blowing up at her for her choices i know that wouldn't do any good i feel guilty not helping them make sure their rent is paid or they have everything for the baby but i know if i do that they'll expect me to keep doing that i have already been through that with my sister in the past even if i agree to help her out and tell her it's a one-time thing to tide her over until she figures things out she'll be back a few days later and be pissed when i say no wondering why i want to stop helping her i'm a 21 year old female but the issue that i need advice about has to do with my mother and father it's kind of a long story but i'll try to only cover the necessary parts i'll just start from the beginning so about a year ago my mother brother and i all started to notice my father out of nowhere seemed to be consumed by fafsa book and on his phone day and night apparently he had reconnected with an old high school female friend and they had been doing a lot of catching up over time their relationship was becoming more and more inappropriate by the day we started noticing things like my dad going off on his motorcycle with two helmets or my mom hearing his phone vibrating all hours of the night the woman was buying him little gifts like books and magnets there were many other clues so i was starting to get pretty suspicious one night he left his phone in the kitchen and i read his texts from her they would say lou at the end of every text which obviously stood for love you either that or toy thinking of you she would send pictures of herself to him nothing incriminating but i still find it inappropriate to send another woman's husband pictures of yourself period a few months later my parents through their annual halloween party of course my mother said she didn't feel comfortable with we'll call her sandy being invited but my dad invited her anyways she was following him around all night and even fed him one of the horde of saying you have got to try this one it's delicious after this my mother finally decided that it was time to forbid my dad from having any contact with her well conveniently soon after sandy organized a mini high school reunion to meet at a restaurant in town and my dad was invited my mother didn't want him to miss out so she accompanied him to the event but after a while she was ready to leave she told him she was ready to go home and asked him to come with her and he told her that he was staying so yeah needless to say this thing had gone too far the [ __ ] hit the fan and he stopped talking to her so we thought here we are months later my dad deleted his facebook and apparently has been talking to her via phone only but had put a password on his phone the other night my mother was able to hack him and found that his phone was written with evidence of a full-blown affair this was the final straw and she kicked him out come to find out she was moving to texas with her husband the very week that my mom found all of the evidence and sent him packing this is infuriating to me because i feel like this woman has come into our lives both being married with children herself and knowing the same of my father and has ruined a marriage and a family of course with my father's help now she is moving across the country and will just get to start over in a new city without suffering any consequences of her [ __ ] actions and what really gets me is she portrays this image of this innocent christian woman her husband is irreverent she frequents church and flaunts her religion all over town and to all of her friends and colleagues to the outside eye she is this sweet little angel of the lord i want the world to know that this couldn't be further from the truth somehow i want to out her to all of her church friends so that they know what a home wrecker she is i know it may be stooping to her level but i don't think it is fair that she gets away with this i want to put her picture on a flyer with the word homewrecker written on the bottom of the page and just throw a stack of them around her workplace church but i know that there is a possibility that i could be caught on camera like maybe i'm just wanting to do this in my state of fury and pain for my family i just wish there was a way to let everyone know that she is not the perfect christian woman that she pretends to be please give me some advice on what to do and i know a lot of people might tell me not to focus my energy on getting revenge and to focus on being there for my mother just know that i'm doing everything i can to be there for her and give her the love and support she needs to get through all of this i'm on her team 100 and i'm doing everything in my power to remind her that she is surrounded by people that love her and are there for her i have to be honest though the image of those flowers scattered around her church and her friends picking them up and recognizing her faces seeming really appealing right about now edit i need to clarify a few things that i guess i didn't cover in the original post i'm definitely fully aware that my father is just as guilty as her but she not only knew that he was married with children and has met us all and smiled in our faces she also has a husband and three children of her own two of which are mine and my brother's age so even though my father is the one to blame for ruining our family she is still a home wrecker in my book i wrote this post not even 24 hours after my mother kicked him out so i was admittedly a bit emotional with all of the talk of revenge for the ones of you suggesting that they had pre-existing problems in their marriage that could have possibly been to blame for the affair i'm not so sure my father and mother hardly ever fight and are very affectionate to one another in hindsight these behaviors on my father's part may have just been to compensate for the guilt he was feeling but otherwise my mother told me that this whole thing came out of left field and she wasn't aware of any problems in their marriage maybe my dad was just good at hiding his true feelings who knows i know that it is their relationship not mine but my family is extremely close and even though it is their marriage this whole ordeal still hurts me directly it hurts to see my mother so upset and it hurts to see my family that i thought was so happy fall apart also i would never go through with any sort of revenge without talking to my mother first about it i have been by her side since it happened and have offered my love and support as much as i possibly could over the past few days i have spent a lot of time with my mother and have helped her through this every step of the way we discussed the possibility of going through with a flyer revenge plot and even though no one would know who did it because no one knows the details of what is going on with our families we both know that it did have the possibility of backfiring when signed he found out about it also we would be no better than them if we did it honestly i was a complete wreck when i was typing the original post and realize now that revenge is not the answer i appreciate all of you for confirming that my mother and father have decided to try couples counseling and my dad will be allowed to sleep in the spare bedroom in the house until they can see whether or not this will be able to work out thanks everyone for your advice and i promise i'm not a crazy person just a girl who cares deeply about her family and has no tolerance for w

Channel: Ask Girl

Views: 43,716

Rating: 4.9183674 out of 5

Keywords: reddit girl, reddit pregnant, reddit sister, reddit family, reddit parents, reddit stepdaughter, reddit, r/askreddit, r/girl, r/pregnant, r/sister, r/stepdaughter, r/parents, r/family, r/entitledparents, r/, askreddit girl, askreddit pregnant, askreddit, askreddit sister, askreddit family, askreddit parents, askreddit stepdaughter

Id: -rxYHwzRwsY

Length: 18min 40sec (1120 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 28 2020