Husband Planed To Runaway With HIS Mistress But Got Sick & Now Demands I PAY For His Treatment

what is one thing you'll never forgive your spouse for i know it sounds cruel but hear me out just before everything hit my husband lost his business he ran a restaurant with his friend and they had to sell it at an embarrassing loss my husband became really depressed after that and started being very cold to me he stayed up nights playing games and ignoring me he also got too busy with his phone it seemed that he was always texting someone one day he had too much to drink and he passed out on the couch with his message and chat history all out on the display sure enough he was having a five-year affair with a woman who was a frequent customer at his restaurant i saw a text between them reminiscing about their intimate life him cribbing about our fights he also disclosed some really personal things about my life to that woman he was actually planning to serve me with divorce papers before he lost his businesses i'm the kind of person who doesn't tolerate disrespect so the next morning i sent our daughter to my parents and confronted him he confessed and admitted that he wanted to leave we broke the news to our daughter who took it reasonably well and i moved him to the guest bedroom a couple of weeks into our separation my husband's cancer returned it was more aggressive this time and we were looking at a very expensive treatment plan i flat out told him to figure it out and told him that i would push for official separation asap and get him off my health insurance he flipped out saying i was being inhuman and that he wouldn't be able to afford the treatment the way i see it that is no longer my responsibility am i wrong for taking him off my health insurance edit for people asking why i want to do this to my daughter before his diagnosis her father made elaborate plans with his mistress girlfriend to move to another country after our divorce to start a fresh without a single thought for our daughter i'm not taking anything away from her edit 2 for the people wondering about the legality of me removing him from my insurance upon legal separation that's completely legal in my jurisdiction i've talked to my lawyer also infidelity on his part will make it impossible for him to claim my insurance you are not wrong he's been using you all year if his business hadn't failed he would have served you with divorce papers already and he would have been taken off your insurance plan months ago anyways the fact that he didn't serve you and why he chose to stay was to use you financially all the while keeping up his affair you have zero obligations to him now he made his bed he must lie in it now let his mistress help him exactly if he wasn't a failure at his business and had actually made money from selling it i have zero doubt he would have taken all the profits and disappeared with his mistress you said that him going to another country and leaving your daughter behind was his plan that didn't work because he didn't make the profit he expected from the restaurant's sale i 33 get a call from the emergency room on friday saying that my wife 32 drove herself there because of searing pelvic pain i'm on a business trip until saturday but i drive back in time to be there saturday morning before she woke up a while after she wakes up the doctor comes in my wife says to stay with her so i say okay he takes a deep breath and said that from the ultrasound and ct scan results she has ovarian cancer my wife starts sobbing but at first i stay still because i don't even know what to make of it my wife asks what that means for her and he says that she'll likely at least need a full hysterectomy and that they'd have to remove the fallopian tubes as well as the ovaries that news jolted me from my chair because the doctor was effectively telling me that she wouldn't be able to have kids after this and after years of work i thought we'd finally have a family i'm overwhelmed with emotions of anger not just anger at the disease but pent up anger from the fact that i had begged her to have kids since we were 26 but she refused for her career and now instead of becoming a real family i didn't even know if she would remain the woman i married whether the last picture of us together would be the last time i'd remember her looking beautiful young and carefree because the wife in front of me was already a different person my wife started to grab by hand and say we'll fight this and we'll adopt but i shook my head and turned to walk out the door i still had my suitcase in the car so i drove to a hotel because i didn't know if my wife was going to end up being discharged or what at the hotel i was at least able to get out of reactive mode but i was still so disappointed that our dream of a family was over i finally was able to get a grasp on all of my emotions and feel more like my normal self in that i knew exactly what i felt about every aspect and how i would react to it from here on out i get a call from my mother-in-law saying that if i was at a hotel or wherever else i should just stay there am i the idiot for walking out i admit it was done on impulse but this diagnosis just sliced my life and my wife's life wide open i wasn't going to expel the cancer if i stayed that night but i did at least make myself aware of my situation and i feel i have a right to be angry that my hope of biological kids the only kind i ever wanted is rapidly fading away oh my god your wife deserves far better than you idiot this is not about you or your feelings no one preempts cancer no woman should be forced to have children earlier than she's ready to just fit into someone else's grand master plan the fact that you don't see her as the person you married when she is more than just an incubator and a baby making machine is deeply troubling you should go back grovel and support everything over the vows you made were in sickness and in health stop being a wet ham sandwich of a man and be a decent human being you should not go back cancer patients have a better success rate in recovery if they are surrounded by positive influences around them my mother had that operation and it took years to heal internally this high stress situation revealed his true character and i honestly see no coming back from this what's there to excuse sorry that you just ruined my hopes of a real child because you got cancer i feel less attracted to you because your oven is being ripped out and we can't get a bun in anymore not the positive influence op's wife needs and i doubt he has anything more to offer than seeing her as a baby maker i know this sounds really wrong but please hear me out my wife has a girl gang a group of women who are very close friends and always support each other one of the girls in this gang is jill jill is a lesbian jill always has had this tiny crush on my wife my wife knows about this i know jill knows we know in fact jill also jokes around me that my wife would have been with her had i not been in the picture now i am possessive but i trust my wife also jill has always respected my wife's boundaries given that she's straight and has never done anything to make her uncomfortable jill had assured my wife that it was just harmless infatuation and nothing to worry about yesterday my wife arranged a barbecue party for her friends all seven of them and the plan was to announce that she's pregnant we've only recently found out i was working in my home office when i heard jill crying and amy another of my wife's friends consoling her jill was saying that my wife is too young to be pregnant she's 29 and she shouldn't be pregnant basically rambling about the pregnancy and crying amy was telling her that it's high time she got over my wife and that they don't have a chance jill replied saying that she did have a chance with my wife up until now and this wretched baby ruined it for her i don't think they knew i was home as they were talking pretty loudly in the living area the door to my office was open so their voices were very clear i've debated about whether to tell my wife or not afraid she's only aware about jill having a small crush on her and not the extent of her feelings i feel like i would want to know if i was in my wife's position however this might significantly affect their friendship will i be the idiot if i told my wife that jill is in love with her no you won't as a woman who dates women jill is not a good friend even out of context calling a pregnancy especially a wanted one wretched is a terrible thing to say additionally the fact she thinks she still has a chance with your wife while she's married to you as a sign she doesn't respect your relationship think about it does she expect your wife to cheat on you with her divorce you for her that's also not a sign of a good friend this being said tread carefully it seems that at least one of the other five women amy knew that jill was far more into your wife than she was letting on and was willing to keep that a secret this has the potential to split the friend group though again keeping this from your wife would make them nasty friends so you will need to be extra extra gentle and supportive here state your points and concerns factually and without editorializing for example don't say jill is crazy and is going to do something to our baby and make sure your wife knows you have her back i female27 have been with my wife female39 for seven years married for two and she gave birth to our daughter two months ago she carried our child because of medical history in my family she had a bad delivery very long and painful and she does not handle pain well she did not want to have an epidural because she wanted to be completely present during the birth and i totally understand and support her in her decisions towards the end of the delivery she started to get quite hysterical from the pain and yes this was very understandable but she started to get so hysterical with her breathing movement etc that it was becoming dangerous for her and the baby myself the doctors and nurses all tried to get her to be as calm as possible and eventually the doctor needed to get firm with her and myself and the nurses needed to hold her down a little bit because the baby was in distress and my wife was not doing well either this way our daughter was eventually born and she was so good my wife got pain medication which she wanted and planned for and she was doing much better as well now two months later we finally get to see some people and introduce our daughter but my wife has been telling everyone that she had such a traumatic birth which is absolutely true and i don't disagree with but she has also been telling everyone how the doctors and nurses hurt her screamed at her and constrained her of which only the last part is a little bit true because it was necessary for her safety and our daughter she even blames me a little bit for enabling the doctors and not supporting her i usually just keep quiet but inside i'm quite offended for myself but mostly for the doctors and nurses who worked so hard to help her am i the idiot for disagreeing with her edit i don't disagree with the fact that she had a traumatic birth what i disagree with is how she personally holds the doctors and hospital responsible although she tells everyone to never go to that hospital to never go to that doctor or that nurse she even had a discussion with a friend on how you can never trust doctors in general and how they never respect patients this all goes too far for me no idiots here especially because you don't dispute it with her directly or behind her back had the nurses and doctors not held her down thereby injuring the baby they would be blamed for not doing everything they could it's a tough and traumatic situation and there's no way to win but you both have a lovely healthy daughter because of it so as long as you don't attempt to downplay her feelings or contradict her to anybody you will not be the idiot for disagreeing and she will not be the idiot for feeling traumatized sometimes the person who experiences a traumatic event can remember it differently as they're often full of adrenaline or fear or both possibly the birth giver is overwhelmed by the experience and truly remembers it being on the victim side even if it really wasn't therapy is the best thing they can do for this a therapist can help the birth giver come to terms with the traumatic birth and also can give op good advice on how to help her wife through this as well as some tips on caring for herself while helping someone deal with their emotions as well i have two daughters gemma older and harlan younger my 31 male wife 29 is ginger with green eyes she can't tan to save a life so is naturally extremely pale i have darker skin dark hair and dark eyes so when gemma was born with pale skin and blonde hair we were stumped as we both don't know anyone blonde in my wife's family and as she's grown up a bit she looks absolutely nothing like me she has my wife's smile but that's it harlan however takes almost exactly after me other than her mother's eyes and there's no question in my mind that she's my daughter as gemma's grown she's taken more after me personality-wise and the question slipped my mind and the doubts left my mind my wife's pregnant again third and final child during a conversation about the children i was asked if i was scared to have a third daughter i'm not somehow it got to the topic and i confessed my past doubts about gemma actually being my daughter i love her the same and she is mind biological or not but when she was a baby i had my doubts and it stressed me out i emphasized on the fact that the doubts left however recently and that i love gemma gemma was meant to be upstairs playing with my sister's son but she came downstairs and overheard she cried for about an hour until we me and my wife managed to calm her down and i told her i loved her and was just being silly she seemingly moved past my wife however isn't speaking to me and the rest of her family is annoyed at me too my parents insist it's natural to have doubts i moved past them and i was being honest with her your parents think it's natural to have doubts what if your dad can't trust your mom enough to know that you were his child then why are they still together i can't believe you didn't trust your wife either it's amazing how little people know about genetics you accused your wife of infidelity even if she gets past it i doubt her parents siblings and friends will your daughter is a kid she may seem fine and she may be fine but she's old enough to remember this she will more than likely think about this again when she's older maybe when one of her boyfriends cheats on her or she hears about someone else cheating and she will likely get upset again because she will be old enough to realize what you are accusing your wife of no matter what you say i have a hard time believing that you treated her the same as your other kids when she was younger and you thought she wasn't your daughter i'm a stay-at-home mom and for a while i've always noticed that it felt like our house was always messy i clean and take care of my three-month-old all day every day she doesn't make any messes so it's obviously never her i'm picking up after i never realized how much i was picking up after my husband until i noticed i was doing all of the housework and i decided i was only going to clean up the messes that i make just to see how little he does i'm getting fed up within two weeks of doing this our house is disgusting the only thing i've resorted to was loading his dishes in the dishwasher because they were attracting fruit flies he came home saying how tired he was and then looked around the house and said wow it's absolutely disgusting in here i thought he'd take notice to his own mess but instead said how he works all day while i sit at home i felt like i'm going crazy and ended up completely flipping out on him i do not sit at home all day and do nothing i take care of the child he helped me make all day every single day and i told him it's messy because i'm not picking up his messes anymore i don't even know what to do anymore i'm sitting in my living room surrounded by wrappers and clothes and just a huge mess feeling so overwhelmed what do i do is my marriage a lost cause at this point i feel like a broken record he also isn't the only one contributing financially to the household either so it isn't my job to baby him because he brings all of the money in so i don't want to hear that over and over another point i wanted to make was that if i didn't already ask or sit down and talk with him i wouldn't be here in the first place i'm just tired of taking care of what feels like two children when my husband is home my whole point is that i'm exhausted from cleaning up messes that he makes that he is fully capable of picking up if he could bring his trash to the garbage can i'll bring the trash out to the bins if he can put his laundry in the hamper i'll wash it if he can bring his dishes to the dishwasher or sink i'll finish loading the dishwasher or wash the dishes i'm literally asking for the minimal from him i didn't read all comments but i've been in the same situation after much stress heated arguments and getting very close to a divorce we finally managed to sit down write down all chores even the ones like planning meals grocery shopping taking care of baby literally everything so we could both understand all of the work involved in keeping the house going and split them up in a way that felt somewhat balanced between the both of us we discussed expectations frustrations what causes resentments and really looked at how the others actions made us feel through this i realized that both of us were resenting each other and didn't realize that our behavior was hurting the other this resentment kills communication and the desire to spend time together when we worked more on our relationship and focused only on our assigned chores life became much easier and better i really recommend splitting things up this way there's no space for pushing responsibilities around if a chore is not done it's only one person's responsibility and it's clear for all if someone's failing we had an ultrasound last week our son measured over eight pounds even though my wife was only 36 weeks she was told that our baby could be a 10 pounder and was upset because her doctor advised her to mentally prep for a c-section if he ends up being that big she is also worried about having to deliver him naturally if a c-section isn't required because he will be so large she has been upset about it for days and i told her that i thought she was worrying way too much since my mother gave birth to me and my two brothers with no issue and we all weighed over nine pounds she even did it naturally that apparently was the wrong thing to say and she had a breakdown i was told i was unsupportive for telling her that she shouldn't be worried instead of acknowledging her concerns which i don't get those scans from what i've read aren't even that accurate so it's not worth getting upset over when they could be wrong and even if they aren't there's nothing that can be done about it the baby is going to grow as much as it grows i still suggested that she speak to my mom about her experience because i know that she'd assure her that it wasn't as bad as she was expecting she said she didn't want to speak to my mom but i asked my mom to call her anyway while she was still sulking she also got upset over this i was only trying to help her and stop her from worrying and the best way to do that i thought was by pointing out my mom's experience with big babies head it i just want to clarify that my mom is smaller than my wife so that is why i thought it would make her more comfortable you are such an idiot hugely just because one woman had a certain experience does not mean it will be easy for your wife and it's certainly not nothing to worry about instead of supporting her and acknowledging her feelings you basically told her that they weren't valid giving birth for the first time is frightening and knowing about potential complications makes it even more so then you got your mommy to intervene even though your wife explicitly asked you not to you have a lot of growing up to do and [Music] fast

Channel: XO

Views: 126,643

Rating: 4.8910084 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, reddit stories, ask reddit, askreddit, reddit girl, reddit woman, reddit real voice, r/aita, r/mil, ask guru, reddit affair, reddit marriage, reddit husband, reddit cheating, reddit cheating husband, reddit marriage drama, reddit toxic spouse, reddit mistress, reddit marriage karma, reddit divorce, reddit entitled husband, reddit relationship advice

Id: 0KOKVGxMxcA

Length: 19min 53sec (1193 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 27 2020