I'm Deaf But Mom Says It's Easier For Me To Stick Implant In My Head Than Family To Learn MyLanguage

i'm 24 female deaf growing up my parents got me bilateral cochlear implants and forced me into mainstream school they never taught me sign language and never immersed me into my culture as a deaf person they were actually pretty against me using asl at all well i took asl in high school against my parents wishes and then got into a deaf university although i couldn't sign fluently when i started i finally felt accepted and understood the deaf community was nothing but welcoming after a few months i became fluent in asl and stopped wearing my processes entirely as there was no need for them anymore i honestly didn't realize how alone i had felt until i didn't feel that way anymore i also met my fiance at college he is from a huge family of deaf people everyone he knows even in his far extended family is deaf and everyone is fluent in sign i love his family so much we've been together for four years now he proposed last may we've been planning the wedding and decided to have it fully in asl the pastor at our church's death program agreed to do the ceremony my extended family of hearing people is tiny my mom my dad my sister my brothers my aunt my uncle and my cousin my cousin is learning sign whereas my fiancee's huge extended family who are all deaf or signed fluently will be there and most of our friends are deaf or no sign we decided to get an interpreter for the hearing people so they'd know what was going on our wedding is in august so we just sent the invites the invite mentions that it will be in asl but we'll have an interpreter for those who are signing impaired which is kind of just a joke but my mom started texting me and tried to convince me that it should be in english and have an asl interpreter i feel like it's our wedding so we should have it in our first language but my mom thinks that we are in america so english should be the first language and anyone who doesn't choose to get cured get an implant should get an interpreter she also said it was disrespectful to say signing impaired i don't think she realizes the irony she always refers to me as hearing impaired during the entire conversation she kept repeating that i should never have let you go to that school my mom also says that deaf people should be used to having interpreters whereas she's never had one before making it harder to understand am i the idiot here should i just have the ceremony in english because i guess that's the more standard way of communication even though we consider signing our primary language i can't cut off my parents as i'm currently helping to pay for my little brother to go to a school for autistic kids we can't sign and speak at the same time the pastor and my fiance can't talk i can but choose not to unless i absolutely must my parents didn't only not learn asl but they explicitly prevented me from it growing up there was a school for the deaf 10 minutes from our house but they specifically said they would never let me go there not the idiot not even close why should the couple getting married need a translator to understand their own ceremony to appease a few of the attendees that is ridiculous it would be like having a bride and groom who are hearing love the sign impaired joke that speak english have their ceremony done in french which they don't speak because a handful of attendees don't speak english when you take asl out of the mix it sounds ridiculous why is asl any different in my opinion your mom has issues with you being deaf and more significant issues now that you have found your community to which she does not belong that is toxic and i would not cater to it my mom's argument has always been it's easier for you to stick an implant on your head than for everyone in the family to learn a new language yet she also doesn't view asl as an actual language hard to understand the interpreter is literally going to be speaking a language she understands so she can understand it she's already an idiot for how she treated you growing up and not even learning any sign when her kid is deaf and now this precisely the only people who have an impairment are op's parents they are empathy impaired opie continue helping your brother but cut down on your interactions with your parents if your mom keeps saying she should never have let you go to that school then she's admitting that she failed you and tried to stop you from attaining your own independence and meeting your fiance idiot firstly it's your day to have however you want more importantly it makes total sense to have your ceremony in your language your parents are looking down on your culture and community as a deaf person after making you feel foreign for a good portion of your life hopefully they will come out of this educated and enlightened while reading this i had to google in asl english and well i'm learning something new thanks not the idiot maybe this will teach her ableist butt about what you as a deaf person feel and go through regularly you're just giving her a taste of her own ideology although in a non-mean and hilarious manner also congrats on your wedding and i wish you the best i 43 male got married to my second wife 36 in 2019 i have full custody of my almost adult female daughter after my first divorce before marriage my new wife was nice to my daughter but then after the marriage she did a complete 180. she always criticizes my daughter's actions and hates my daughter's cooking friends clothes etc she probably does it because she knows that my daughter will always be my first priority my marriage took a dark turn and we were always fighting because i was not okay with her treating my daughter this way anyway the global issue came and we were home all day all week and well i had a baby with my wife she acts completely opposite to our baby she was absolutely in love with the new baby due to global issue my daughter wasn't able to go to college but as soon as she got accepted to college columbia university so proud of her she wanted access to her college fund and i wanted to give it to her we were discussing this when my wife came into the room and started going mad she said that a newborn was entitled to my savings and not my daughter the baby was born literally not even a year ago and she wanted this money i told her i would save for our baby but no she kept on verbally abusing my daughter and me and that's when i lost my cool this is also the part where i think i might be the idiot i never shouted at my wife and never even argued with her in front of my children but that day i yelled at her to stop being a witch i called her horrible names along the lines of entitled woman etc i even told her i would divorce her soon enough if she keeps on harassing my daughter and acting like she's nothing my daughter was so upset over the situation that she went over to a friend's house my wife didn't go anywhere she just started arguing more and we had one of the worst fights ever now she isn't speaking to me and says i'm the biggest idiot ever for not being on her side also my daughter doesn't want to come back home i plan to send my daughter to college as soon as possible so she can get an education safely and away from this environment you are not the idiot for this question but you absolutely will be if you don't divorce her and ask for full custody of your shared child this woman is using the new baby in horrific ways get her out of your older daughter's life immediately you should have long before you had a child with her i think you need a lawyer your second wife has no claim whatsoever on the money you've already saved up for your daughter but what if something happens to you you have to make sure your daughter will always get the money you have meant for her um you are not the idiot and these are grounds for divorce absolutely unacceptable behaviour for her to treat your child like this what is happening to your eldest is traumatic please get her in yourself some therapy if you can call a lawyer and start working on visitation side note was she already pregnant when you guys got married everyone's the idiot here except your poor daughter you should have left your new wife the moment she started being terrible to your daughter your daughter should have been your first priority always and as soon as you noticed this behavior talked civilly about it with your wife and the behavior didn't change you and your daughter should have been out of the door or you should have shown new wife the door you should never have let this escalate to this point and the fact that your daughter left and stated she's never coming back shows you how bad this has gotten and that she can't deal with either of you right now yeah i can't understand why people can't see how opie would be the idiot he had a kid who was being bullied in her own home and did nothing nothing until his daughter needed the money he saved for her and wifey became jealous not during all the mean things she said to her not when she criticized her every move only when it came to money did op come to his daughter's rescue everyone's the idiot here opie's wife especially but also op this went on far too long the minute she started in on his daughter was the minute she should have been out of the door so my sister and i are six years apart in age and we share a birthday after she was born our parents made us share birthday celebrations both family and friend parties all my parties for several years were not what i wanted or something i would enjoy but aimed at her and i hated it i blamed her as a little kid because i didn't know any better and i hated my birthday one time when i was little i said i hated her because she stole my birthday and i wish she had never been born this was after about a year and a half of therapy looking back i realized why i still felt that way after so long that my parents never intended to change anything later i mostly stopped caring and she didn't remember but my parents saved the stuff i wrote the stuff about hating my sister wishing that she'd never been born never wanting her and all sorts of young kids stuff that a kid who doesn't get who's really at fault will write when i turned 21 my parents wanted to throw us a joint party again and i declined saying i wanted that to be just for me it drove a wedge because they saw it as selfish and not growing up while i still see it as just wanting a birthday party for me to be something i would like and something about me that was two and a half years ago and with the tension between us not changing they took out all the therapy stuff and showed my sister what i used to say and write of course she was heartbroken and mad at me and asked why i took that stuff out on her instead of them and why i wouldn't enjoy celebrating her birthday together i tried explaining but she was too emotional and everything was too raw but i did tell my parents they are awful for doing that and i told them that they still hadn't learned and maybe they never would they were angry and said i had no right to be so disrespectful to their faces after calming down a bit i wonder if i should have just left it am i the idiot not the idiot and your parents actually do stink their actions are petty they initially drove a wedge between you and your sister personally i would tell them to leave you alone and don't speak to me again unless they're on their knees apologizing not the idiot they put you in a situation that caused tension and they didn't change even knowing how you felt about it they kept your therapy stuff to screw you over your parents are monsters and they don't deserve respect not the idiot your parents caused this i remember my mom throwing it in my face when i was little that i was jealous of my siblings when they were little well yeah that's normal my siblings were surprise preemie twins and got a lot of attention for a long time of course i was jealous of the attention they got that's not a personality flaw especially when the parents aren't helping the situation not the idiot it seems that your parents always showed blatant favoritism if the parties were always more geared towards your sister's interests of course as kids we don't necessarily know where to target the blame for things we get upset about and you should try to explain this to your sister your parents definitely should not have shown your sister that stuff or even kept it in the first place you guys should definitely consider some form of family therapy if you want to remain on good terms josh and i have been dating for just over a year i won't lie and say things have been easy as we've had communication issues of all sorts but we're in a good place now where we really understand each other when we started dating josh mentioned different things he wishes to try or do but felt he couldn't because of his autism and ocd he asked if i would help him maybe try some small things so we have he's always had issues with the texture of food celery is one of them still i've managed to develop a soup recipe where he actually likes celery in it just small things like that the problem was a few weeks ago i made a comment that his socks had seen better days and he agreed but said the shop where he'd always bought them no longer makes the ones that feel right on i asked him what it is about those socks that feels right and he said they had padded soles and felt tight round his toes with no loose bits or threads i asked him if i was to buy some different socks if he would try them to see if they are close enough he said he was doubtful i'd find anything but agreed to try and i bought i found some with padded souls and bought the size smaller than he normally wears he said they weren't perfect on but close enough to wear them and was glad to no longer have holes in his socks today we had a socially distanced barbecue at his parents house and he proudly showed his mummy's new socks she asked when he can wear different socks and he explained she lost her temper at me she said i can't accept her son has autism and all i'm trying to do is change him she said the biggest thing that i've done that's annoyed her has encouraged him to take driving lessons when people with autism shouldn't be behind the wheel she ranted about all the other things i've encouraged him to try i was lost for words because josh is really proud of the things he's managed to do it's his first relationship and he never thought he'd meet someone his mum started ranting that he slept with the first girl that laid eyes on him and he's not capable of knowing what true love is like i've always tried to be extremely respectful of josh's boundaries but now i'm wondering if i'm an idiot for helping him try new things his mum said i'm no longer welcome at their house and she hopes his obsession with me is over soon not the idiot but josh's mom sounds like one of those autism parents who are ableist as heck and mistreat their kids what you're doing is helping josh become independent so that he doesn't have to rely on others keep going and make sure he knows that you're backing him on his journey to independence she actually has an autism mum sticker on her car she really seems to thrive off talking about him being autistic rather than just being a human being not the idiot you have been listening to his needs and wants and only going forward with changes with consent you are doing the right thing his mum is the one not accepting things it sounds like she doesn't want her son to be able to cope without her this attack was not about you it was about her not the idiot as an autistic person i think you are being very respectful and encouraging to josh honestly his mum clearly can't deal with the fact that her son is growing as a person she should be delighted she's 100 trying to hold him back and frankly infantilize him she needs to get a grip she sees it and you as a threat to her babying crap holy moly totally not the idiot individuals with autism are not any less capable or deserving of life and love wow his mom is upset because she is not the de facto authority in his life anymore i think it's incredible that your boyfriend is going outside of his comfort zone and it's so awesome that he has support from you tell him that we're all cheering him on my dad in his wisdom decided to marry a woman 22 years his junior the woman is two years older than me but isn't content with my dad's money and leaving us alone she pushed to be part of our lives and we grudgingly consented because our dad is our only parent left the self-proclaimed matriarch controls his social life so we have to go through her to see him this includes my brother getting him to his grandson my nephew because the wife doesn't work my brother and sister-in-law default to her as child care she has interpreted this to mean she is grandma and because my nephew is young he believes her and buys the fake persona she is now doing a whole young grandma thing on social media that everyone is eating up she also said my nephew makes her want to have her own kids which is the last thing i want to deal with i told my dad that he's disrespecting his late wife who is also the real grandmother by allowing this and if he ever loved her he would tell his wife to stop my dad did a whole how dare you response and we haven't really spoken my brother can't set boundaries due to the power dynamic i'm sick of having a sugar baby with a marriage license control my family and see why people hate step families thoughts you are the idiot how dare this woman she is taking care of your nephew probably even for free and is essentially fulfilling the role of a grandmother if your brother isn't okay with her calling herself grandmother he needs to be a grown-up and set boundaries or use someone else for child care you harbour resentment against her because you think your father is betraying your late mom that's a problem you need to work out with yourself or your dad you are the idiot she's his wife so technically she is the grandma and she watches him every day for free of course she's his grandma that's what he knows instead of being happy that she's involved in his life and treats him well you want to harp on the fact that she's young and wants to be his grandma that's seriously ungrateful and bratty of you everyone's the idiot here your dad too for being a creep you should talk more about how creepy he is because he's marrying someone his daughter's age and i find it weird that your problem is on her and not your dad also maybe manage your own business if it bothers you that much why are you still around you all apparently have no trouble relying on her at least for free child care to then say how she's not grandma not family not nothing why don't you tell your brother he's disrespecting your mom too by allowing her to babysit you are the idiot this all seems centered on your feelings which don't seem to be shared with your family you mostly seem to hate your dad having remarried someone near your age which i can imagine is hard to deal with but it is your dad's decision and it's his happiness that matters you seem to dislike her just for existing oh and apparently loving and looking after your nephew it's not disrespectful to his late wife for him to remarry and his new wife to have a relationship with his grandson if your nephew likes her and your brother is happy it's not your place to decide they shouldn't have a relationship just because you don't like her [Music] you

Channel: XO

Views: 65,842

Rating: 4.9447513 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, reddit stories, ask reddit, askreddit, reddit woman, reddit real voice, r/aita, r/mil, reddit language, reddit parents, reddit entitled parents, redit wedding, reddit wedding shaming

Id: 0zeNAhY6y94

Length: 19min 29sec (1169 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 26 2021