In-Laws Dumped Sick BIL At My Doorstep & Never Came To Take Their Son Back But Now Want To Be FAMILY

my brother-in-law jason is 20 and two years ago he was in an accident that left him paralyzed he's bound to a wheelchair and barely has any hand mobility so he needs help with pretty much everything my wife's parents were hit hard by this and struggled with the pressure of taking care of him even though he receives benefits and compensation in-laws couldn't handle all the doctor's appointments physical therapy sessions and constantly caring for him in the end jason came to live with us her parents claimed they just needed a few weeks to take a break from caring from him a few weeks turned into months until he stayed with us permanently there was a lot of conflict over this we couldn't believe they just stopped coming to see him altogether when he was already in a dark place and adjusting to these permanent life changes we didn't speak with them for a long time it was difficult to adjust at first but we're glad he's here with us before global issue we had a care provider stay with him while we were at work but now that we're home the majority of the time we just take turns he and i have gotten very close so we've had many talks about his feelings i know how hard this is for him and how much it hurts when my in-laws pulled out of his life we haven't had any contact with them at all in over a year well as it turns out they want to see him again my wife told me this could be the chance to finally get the family back together and to make amends she's talked this over with jason but he wants nothing to do with them he's made it clear he doesn't want to see them but she insists it's important they all talk today they showed up unexpectedly when my wife was out jason was in the other room and apparently they arranged this meeting today with my wife but got there earlier than the agreed time they just wanted to have a sit down with jason but i didn't let them set foot in the house honestly my anger got the best of me and i shut the door on them when they wouldn't leave i told jason they were here he didn't want to speak with them they left after 10 minutes when my wife got home she was furious she knows what they did was bad but this was the chance to make it better and jason doesn't know what's best for him because he's still upset about what they did we went back and forth on this she said closing the door on them and refusing to let them see jason was an awful move but i feel his wishes should be respected however she says his feelings on this are obviously clouded because of what happened and i prevented him from reconnecting with them in order to move on from the pain so i'm not sure was i an idiot here i believe i may be the idiot for shutting the door on my in-laws and refusing to let them into my home when they were only trying to apologize to their son not the idiot it seems like out of everyone you are the only one who actually cares about jason and his feelings everyone else just wants what's best for themselves including your wife i understand she wants her family back together but this is not the way to do that her parents made their choice and now they must live with the consequences it's understandable that they couldn't take care of him obviously being elderly but to completely stop seeing him after a life-altering accident they are idiots for that if jason chooses to never see them that is his choice not theirs and certainly not your wife she's being completely selfish jason is lucky to have you in his corner i think you made the right choice to slam the door on them now they know how it feels to shut someone off not the idiot imagine abandoning your child because their mobility issues are difficult for you when you're not the one who's had a life-changing accident and then feeling entitled to a second audience with that child because you're his parents and dismissing his pain over abandonment and lack of contact because he should just get over it so they can all be one big happy family again your brother-in-law isn't destroying the family unit your mother-in-law and father-in-law did that when they decided they just needed a little break from the small thing that is their son's life you are not wrong your wife sure is though she tried to force her come to jesus talk on her adult brother one where he would literally be a captive audience no she does not know better she does not get the final say and she needs to knock it off with her overblown sense of entitlement to make such big decisions for others if and when jason is ready to have a conversation with his parents he will decide when not his meddling flying monkey sister you sir are the hero we all need some background my mom and aunt are twins they got pregnant around the same time i was born in june and my cousin was born in september all my life my cousin copied everything i liked or did and my mom and aunt enabled it literally everything i got a barbie set for christmas she did too i wore a pink dress to my fifth grade graduation she did too the exact same i even had to quit a job because she didn't qualify for it and i did and she wanted us to work together the most annoying one would have to be being forced to celebrate my birthday the same time as her because she liked that we were twins as i said we were born three months apart i didn't get to celebrate my birthday till september this went on until i was nearly adult i know some of those things are normal but i find it super annoying i can't ever express myself and show interest in things i like because my cousin will suddenly like it and it turns into oh they're the exact same i'm not saying she isn't allowed to like the same things as me but she goes above and beyond and it's never ops thing it's ops and cousins thing current situation i've been applying to colleges i haven't quite made up my mind but i've narrowed it down to two things i want to study my cousin and aunt came over for lunch today and my cousin asked me what colleges i was applying to i said i wasn't sure and my mom gave me a look you know that stern look your parents or grandparents gave you yeah that i know if she and i attend the same college i'll be forced to live with her my mom and her aunt already had this discussion and that's not something i want my mom came into my room and insisted i stopped being callous and give my cousin the full list of colleges i'm going to i told her i didn't want to go to the same college as her because i'm tired of being forced to be twins with her my mom said as long as i'm being insensitive and forcing my cousin to go to college all by herself then i won't have a graduation celebration i feel like i'm an idiot and i don't even know why i feel super guilty about not sharing what colleges i'm going to so i'm asking you guys am i wrong you are not wrong just because your mum and auntie like being twins doesn't mean they get to force their daughters who are not even sisters to pretend to be twins going to college by yourself is the whole point it's a chance to figure out who you want to be as an adult stick to your guns on this one if you want to carve out your own adult identity separate from your cousin you absolutely should be able to you don't have to sacrifice so your mom and auntie can relive their twinness through you or because your cousin likes the idea you are not wrong here give her a list of several colleges you are not applying for then when it comes up say that the one you got into was a last minute application and you forgot to add it opie probably needs to go as far as telling her mum the same fake school she tells her cousin so when her mum and aunt talk it's the same list and give her a perfectly plausible list of colleges in the opposite direction for instance if you're applying to schools that are north of your hometown give her a list of competing colleges that are south of your hometown i went to school and was friends with twin brothers they also wanted to break from being known always as a set parents need to stop forcing the twin thing especially when they aren't even twins wtf first of all i mail 39 just want to say screw cancer i've lost my mom and my son to this awful disease my son passed away in 2015 every day it still hurts the same my mom and dad were divorced i mostly live with my dad for several reasons my step-brother and i don't get along so well to be frank i do not see him as a brother because of how he behaved during my mom's and my son's difficult days i took care of my mom solely my dad didn't care he didn't even try to get the family to comfort me by at least visiting once in a while during my mom's sickness and after her death no one wanted to spend time with me i was not invited to birthdays family dinners new year's eve etc this year's christmas was filled with tears and unpleasant memories my loved ones weren't there i was literally wallowing in my misery reminiscing about how my life used to be before everything was ruined i remember one week after my son's death my stepbrother had his wedding he actually had the nerve to send me an invitation via my dad thinking that i might attend i was upset not gonna lie they downplayed my grief and made it worse to process my loss i inherited money from my mom i haven't done anything with it yet i decided to not make major decisions during the first year of grief my days are the same i just visit my aunt from time to time and we talk my dad and my stepmom have been visiting my stepbrother's wife who was in and out of the hospital for the past two months i honestly don't ask since my stepmom and her son don't feel comfortable talking about it my dad sat with me and talked about the family putting money together to help pay for medical debts and prepare for my stepbrother's wife's surgery at the end of february he asks since i now have money that i can contribute and help with the surgery i refused and tried to change the subject but he went on arguing about how i'm supposed to help my brother and support him especially now i only replied by asking him one question i asked him where was my brother when i was struggling my dad didn't like that he told me to let bygones be bygones and stop making this about me and making the situation hard for everyone he said he promised my stepmom and stepbrother that he'll convince me to pay and i'm making him look bad right now we ended up yelling at each other i told him that that's not my problem he got my aunt involved in this mess and keeps saying i'm giving up on family and i'm being spiteful and bitter i felt guilty but felt awful that they're asking for my mom's money my mom who they didn't even visit while she was sick i understand what they're going through because i lived it with my son it's every father's worst nightmare to see their son struggle like that then to have to suffer another great loss is too much what's the old saying you reap what you sow no one was there for you so how dare they demand money now my advice go no contact with them these people are selfish and toxic you are not wrong your dad promised his wife and stepson that he would convince you to pay your inheritance from your mother you are not the idiot your dad certainly is though for telling his family that he would convince you to pay forget him you are not obligated to take care of anyone but yourself if you want to help that's great but it seems they just want to use you do whatever makes you feel best you are not the idiot their family when it suits them to hold their hands out for your money if your father is afraid of looking bad because he made a promise that he has no right to make that's on him if your mother was here do you think she'd want you to hand over her money to these people i'd lay odds that she left it to you so you could use it to make your life more comfortable and that this is what she would want you to do with her legacy i nearly adult girl had two traumatic brain injuries before i was little climbed out of my crib and fell headfirst onto the tile floor and when i was a toddler my aunt fell asleep babysitting me and my cousin convinced me to sit on this plastic serving tray thing my mom had and slide down the stairs didn't work too well and i hit the wall and blacked out i have a hard time focusing because of that i always write my notes with coloured gel pens each section is a different color and most of my teachers really like it because it helps me focus better and i write a little key on the top when i'm done so when i study i can look up what section i need and go to that color when i need someone like the principal or the dean to sign something they always ask what color i think they should use my history teacher saw me writing my notes with my gel pens earlier this year i'm doing school in person and asked are you able to read your notes with all those colors and i answered that it actually helps me keep engaged and organized and she left she started making comments about my notes being in color every time i took notes in class usually about how it took so much extra time it really didn't i have a pouch with all my colored pens and i grab a random one from the pouch and when i'm done i leave it on my desk and how it was unprofessional i didn't turn in my handwritten notes for that class because my handwriting is some weird mix of cursive and print and a little hard to read for some people so i usually write them in class then type what i wrote at home and turn in a typed copy so i don't think it matters if it's professional if i'm not turning it in like that today my teacher got fed up with me writing notes in color and banned all colored pens in the class now half my class is mad because they would use blue or purple or some other dark colored pens but their notes would all be solid colors and now they have to get black pens for this class pencils also aren't allowed because we're too old to make mistakes am i the idiot for writing my notes in color even though it ticked my teacher off you are not the idiot teachers are there to help you learn there is no logical reason for banning coloured ink in class especially when she knows it helps people like you out she is just going on a tour de force to show she has power i guess huge not the idiot your teacher is a nightmare i'd report them to whatever authorities you can they have no right to ban kids from using coloured pens and the fact that you go above and beyond to type them to turn them in makes it even worse your teacher sucks and is wrong if anything they should praise you for being able to overcome your focusing struggles in a creative way you are not wrong have your parents go above the teachers to the principal this falls under reasonable accommodations for disabilities i struggle with dyslexia and when i was in high school over 20 years ago i had coloured markers for each class and set of notes because the color helped me visualize the words i carried around a 64-pack a teacher's job is to help a student be successful not hamper their success my husband and i are staying with his family for a few weeks due to some burst pipes in our own home we're staying in a spare room that occasionally one of my husband's nephew stays in he's a toddler so he was over during the weekend and tried to walk into the spare room but we locked it to sleep he started yanking and kicking on the door yelling to unlock the door and let him in i got out of bed and told him that he needed two one calm down two quiet down three knock before trying to enter the room he stomped off sister-in-law popped her head in and suggested we just keep the door unlocked so he can come and go since he's used to that i said no there's no reason for him to be in there she argued that he just wants to spend time with us i reiterated no she huffed and said something like then i hope you like being woken up every morning all smug i told them to just get anything he might want out of the room to solve the whole issue the next morning he started screaming at us to get up and let him in we just ignored him and he started screaming louder and throwing things at the door mother-in-law came down and said that we needed to keep the door unlocked because we don't do locked doors in this house and that he just wanted to crawl into bed with us for cuddles i was like uh no that's weird she was shocked and said something like it's not weird it's perfectly normal he's a child i said i get that but i'm not comfortable with having cuddle time with someone's kid she argued that we're guests and they would prefer if we didn't lock any doors because it's just not welcoming i said that i prefer to not have someone's kid trying to crawl into bed with me she kept saying that i was being cold my husband is on my side but things have been super weird not between the two of us though and it's obvious that my attempt to boundaries was shocking for the family on the one hand i get the whole my house my rules thing but i also draw the line at someone's child crawling into bed with me am i the idiot not the idiot it's perfectly reasonable to expect privacy in your bedroom announce at dinner that you have intimacy often and if sister-in-law would like her child to walk in and learn all about it tomorrow morning this is the answer if you're allowing guests in your home there is clearly reason to believe they will need privacy does this family use the bathroom with the door open or the shower with the door open probably not so why would you assume they wouldn't lock their door in the middle of the night the kid sounds like an undisciplined brat and no wonder given the entitled reaction that his mum had i'm grossed out that she's even okay with the idea of him crawling into bed with a married couple that aren't his parents to be honest she's probably just happy it's not her door he's knocking on in the mornings if you can't get a hotel i'd say you have two options one asked to switch rooms with the sister-in-law that way she has the room which her son likes to barge into every morning for cuddle time two don't just tell them you sleep naked actually do it it will or should take precisely one time of your nephew surprising himself because uncle and auntie's butts are hanging out of the bed in the morning for both nephew and sister-in-law to stay the hecky decky away either way you are not the idiot my husband 42 male and i 31 male live in a nice apartment we aren't really friends with our neighbours we're polite but that's about it our upstairs neighbor kelly is a lesbian in closet she only told us because she assumes that all lgbt plus needs to be friends who's never told her family well she's been lying to her mother about having a boyfriend by describing my husband red-haired groomed beard former marine she came to our apartment to ask a huge favor her mother was coming over to dinner she needed my husband to act like her boyfriend and break up with her i asked if she was serious but told kenny it's up to him kenny held up his hand to show his wedding ring and said only way it's coming off if someone chops the finger off and no way is he going to act as her fill-in boyfriend or a cheating husband kelly begged us to reconsider but i told her no means no she brought up the gays need to stick together but i hold firm kenny is my man and he said no too kelly has since told her mum about being a lesbian and that made her mom leave without staying for dinner kelly told us kelly told us that we're both vicious idiots for forcing her to come out and we say we aren't because she lied about a man am i the idiot not the idiots lies have consequences it totally sucks that her mother hurt her and that she felt she needs to hide who she is but she can't demand people come rescue her from her own lies that boy's a keeper though i can see the appeal not the idiot even without you helping her she didn't have to come clean to her mother not hard to just say sorry me and mr marine broke up i mean you could have helped her honestly something you would have laughed about and the ring thing is a bit weird but none of that makes you wrong for not helping she is misplacing her blame but don't be too tough on her she's obviously going through a lot

Channel: XO

Views: 169,575

Keywords: reddit, reddit stories, ask reddit, askreddit, reddit woman, reddit real voice, r/aita, r/mil, reddit cut contact, reddit no contact family, reddit relationship, reddit fanily drama, reddit family relationship, reddit disowned, reddit estranged, reddit demand

Id: usZ5tkHH4Xo

Length: 19min 42sec (1182 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 28 2021