Husband's Coworker Demands I Let Her BORROW My Husband At 2AM Because I'm Third Wheel In My Marriage

married couples what's your biggest disagreement my 37 female husband 40 has been working at his company for 10 years as a maintenance supervisor about a year ago they hired tabitha to work in their accounting department since the day she first started working there she has had an infatuation with my husband that is now becoming unprofessional and inappropriate this started when the heat went out in her office my husband's job as supervisor is to assign tasks to his employees however she is never satisfied with the work they do even though he says that they do great work so she demands he work on her office she constantly calls him on his work phone for mundane things carpet is loose in a corner loose screw on her coat hook and he goes and fixes them without issue last year when we went to the company christmas party pre-plagued times she was very flirty with him and constantly grabbed his hand when he introduced her she just grinned at me and said look there's peter and grabbed his hand and walked away when we sat at the table she nearly pushed me out of my seat to sit next to him and my husband told her to get up that it was my seat she walked off in a huff and when she saw me in the restroom she shoved past me i told my husband what happened and he said it was fine that she was harmless i told him that she was not fine and that she clearly had feelings for him and she was acting like a jealous girlfriend the past few weeks this has ramped up to an astonishing level of inappropriate she recently moved into a new house and my husband and some of the other guys from work helped to move and put things together he gave her his personal cell phone number and she has been calling and texting non-stop about things she needs help with multiple times a day at all hours of the day and night she will call him and text him for help last night at 2 am she called about her heat not working right my husband said he would go over and look at it after work i broke down i told him he was not going that she could call a technician like everyone else and that he is not her personal maintenance man i told him very clearly that she has feelings for him and he is so dense he can't see it i told him that while it is nice to help on occasion she calls him all the time asking for help with things that she can do on her own move boxes and furniture or pay to have a repair person come and fix i told him that once he gave out his personal phone number that he crossed a line and i'm not comfortable with it he said that this will most likely be an easy fix and it won't take long so i cried and told him that he can either be married to me or married to her but i wasn't going to be the third wheel in my own marriage he says he does not have feelings for her and that i am overreacting to him just wanting to help a friend i feel otherwise am i the idiot you are not the idiot hubbs on the other hand is a grade a died in the wool idiot any man who invalidates his wife's concerns over behavior this blatant is either banging side chick or is a bare minimum enjoying the attention but doesn't want to admit he's enjoying it either way you're in the right tier and if he doesn't willingly shove this woman off you will have some decision making to do not the idiot either your husband is extremely dense or he is fully aware and is gaslighting you whichever it is it is non it's hard to convince someone to stop flirty behavior when they haven't technically done anything wrong yet why put a stop to something that stokes our ego and is fun and knew when nothing bad happened so they keep it up and keep pushing until they do mess up because that's where this road leads it doesn't lead anywhere else and then it's oh i'm sorry i love you please forgive me yada yada yada it takes maturity to put a stop to behavior because of an outcome that hasn't occurred yet so yeah he's definitely gaslighting her you are not the idiot but girl he's already made his choice you shouldn't have to be fighting for your husband's attention with this broad your husband is not dense he's okay with her behavior because he digs it he doesn't care that you're bothered by this to the point of you being in tears because he's most likely just waiting for you to get fed up and leave him so he can be with her and get off scot-free your husband is a coward and you're better off without him my wife and i have three kids my parents did whatever they wanted with our kids spoiled them and if we had an issue told us to buzz off i know what you're going to say we should have set boundaries but we felt like we couldn't we owe them hundreds of thousands of dollars like money we will never be able to pay back and they have everything in writing they own our home both of our cars i work for my dad's best friend because he called in a favor and they would have left us with nothing if my wife tried to stand up to my mom my mom would just ask her if she wanted lights for the month my wife and i had a lot of issues and were never a united front and i would try to stand up to my parents and then she would borrow more money it's pretty bad right now my 21 year old hates her mother and won't come to our house my 19 year old isn't as extreme but he is living with my parents and going to school and says they are his real family and my youngest is rebelling against her mom and calls my mum up to complain my parents primarily speak spanish my wife doesn't speak it and it made her a little uncomfortable when they would talk to the kids in spanish but she never wanted to learn well my parents and my kids use spanish to bad mouth my wife i speak it so i knew for years but i didn't see the point in telling her when we were trapped recently we had a family gathering and my wife's sister who speaks spanish told my wife that my parents were badmouthing her to our kids and our oldest daughter was calling her a witch she confronted my mom who laughed and said it had been going on for years and now my wife is demanding to know why i didn't say anything i tried to explain that no matter what they did we both agreed to stick it out for the money but she says i should have told her you all are the idiots what in the ever living mess is going on here how did you end up so indebted how did your kids end up hating their mother why do your parents hate your wife why are you barely in this picture at all commenting like you weren't even there what is happening holy moly you are the idiot and have been for 22 plus years now you all need to get help not reddit financially dependent on your parents for decades how could you look at yourself in the mirror plus have them talk about your wife probably since you met her your wife for her willful ignorance jeez this post is making my blood boil i think this is above a family therapist's pay grade as well hopey and his wife basically sold their relationship with their children for money they have 20-plus years of complete and total lack of respect between anyone in this family and it's frankly unlikely that they will ever repair the damage they've created you are all wrong congrats for three generations of idiots my female 31 husband 30 is a competitive nerd i have been feeling down and demotivated for over a year now and don't have the energy or interest to cultivate my hobbies i used to read many psychology books and took a seven weeks intensive course on it as well this year i'm really considering going back to school to learn more since i've always been interested in it not sure if i can make it a career on its own but that's another topic i'm also into yoga these are the two main things i enjoy now i encourage my husband to join yoga classes with me but then he started to go almost every day and i almost felt like he was fixated on becoming better at it than i am he also started reading this year he read almost no books in the last six years i've known him but now reads like 12 books so far this year 95 were my books or books i've recommended to him he lately picked a book himself amazon recommendations based on previous purchases which is also meant for psychotherapists very advanced and frankly beyond what i've read on that topic it's all cool and on one side i'm happy for his growth and that he takes interest but i don't like competition and it all makes me feel so small he is supportive of me but i know deep down he doesn't believe in me he has a different idea of me i work in a corporation and make more money than him so it's not like i'm a total loser in his eyes why can't he just pick his own hobbies why does he have to steal mine and become more advanced at it am i salty i don't know how to approach this with him is this normal in relationships you can't steal hobbies and he's joining in in your interests and you're viewing that as a bad thing when people talk about growing apart and not even knowing each other anymore this is what they're talking about if you want space to do your own thing just ask for that but the rest of this isn't him stealing your interests it's you competing with him for being better in your view than he is at them and that's pretty messed up is your relationship a competition are you happy when he succeeds do you feel better than him because you make more money than he does it honestly seems like the only one competing here is you and you say you are happy for his interests but clearly you are not and i think when a spouse starts rooting against the other that you aren't helping your relationship imagine turning yoga into a competition lmao this is a you problem see an actual therapist instead of just reading about psychology i understand the frustration of not having your own space but that sentence reveals where the true issue is i ask friends not to bring the babies around my wife because she has a bad case of baby fever and every time she sees them it gets worse and she wants to move up our timeline for a baby logically she knows we're not settled enough to have a baby anytime soon but she still gets frustrated and sad i thought that not having them around my wife might help her and avoid more of these situations and make life easier for us both while my brother had no problem with my request my wife's friend said no and then told my wife about it my wife is now upset with me she said i had no right to try and control her in this way or treat her like a child but i don't feel like that's what happened here i saw a problem and tried to fix it some of it may have been for self-serving reasons but it was also meant to help her too because of how upset she gets after seeing their babies does she really want to go through with that for another couple of years i wouldn't if i was her all i did was to ask them not to bring around the babies but i still let them know it was their choice and if they did it it was fine i thought i was being respectful of everyone's feelings but apparently i'm the idiot that doesn't seem right to me when all i was trying to do was help am i do not bring your delicious babies around my wife because it triggers her baby fever idiot is not a strong enough phrase even using the phrase baby fever alone makes op the idiot but going behind wife's back makes opie something worse a dishonest husband the fact that op doesn't see that makes it worse still you are the idiot this is an issue that is between you and your wife bringing other people into it doesn't solve anything you need to work on your communication skills i'd be embarrassed if my husband did that to me you are so wrong god i can only imagine that conversation hey my wife really likes babies but i don't so can you just never bring your young children with you never talk about them and just generally pretend they don't exist i don't want to talk with my spouse about her family plans anymore so if you would help me manipulate and control her environment and friends so i don't have to hear about it that'd be great although not sure why op's wife wants a baby when she already lives with somebody who has the communication skills of a two-week-old i've been with my wife for four years we have a two-year-old son and she's pregnant with our daughter my wife is an amazing person and we usually see eye to eye on most things she was raised in a very untraditional way her parents are very eccentric to say the least their parenting style was very weird they're both therapists her father legally can't practice anymore though and my wife and all her siblings have been in therapy since they were three and could talk first a child therapist then a normal therapist when she turned 10 her parents say that all children should be in therapy and it should continue on their entire lives it will eliminate any chance of mental illness and they will function like adults from the start of life my wife has been in therapy for her entire life and she still goes to this day her parents had no rules about anything in their household because they felt like their children were responsible and would always make the right decisions for example my wife would leave and bike to her friend's house and spend the weekend there when she was 12 without informing her parents and they wouldn't ask a single question when she would come home they trusted that she would tell her therapist if anything bad had happened to her and that she isn't just their child but a being that shouldn't be controlled they rented an apartment in their name and let my wife live there by herself when she was still a kid my wife doesn't even call her parents mom and dad she calls them by their first names and she has since she was born her parents constantly remind her that she's not their child but her own entity and can't be owned i knew about my wife being in therapy her entire life and her parents unconventional parenting style despite all of it she's pretty normal and didn't seem to want to do it to her own kids or so i thought we agreed that our kids wouldn't be put in therapy unless they needed it grades slipping behavior changes etc and that our kids are ours to discipline and her upbringing about being able to do whatever they want with no questions is just ridiculous my wife's mom moved in with us because she broke her hip and needs assistance ever since she's been around my wife seems to be going back on her word i caught her telling our son to call her by her first name and not mom and she even said that maybe starting our son in therapy is the right decision for his mental health he's three he doesn't need therapy my mother-in-law is saying that i'm promoting toxic masculinity and that i think i control my son and i can tell him what to do and that he will eventually need therapy because of me if i don't allow him to be free i told her and my wife that her upbringing was weird and i'm not continuing it and they're saying i'm insensitive and my wife turned out fine you are not the idiot i'm sorry but children need boundaries sure some will be fine without them but others will fly completely off the handle you have an equal say in how your child is raised and your wife can't just change how your son is raised without you being okay with it also why isn't your father-in-law allowed to practice anymore if he isn't legally allowed to practice that could be a massive indicator his ideas about raising children are at least wrong you are not the idiot she is not the parent full stop you need to have a very serious conversation with your wife about why her mother's presence suddenly changes everything you two agreed to also the hilarious mental gymnastics of a therapist advocating therapy to avoid therapy what it sounds like is that your in-laws outsourced the raising of their child to a therapist they had money but didn't care to actually be parents so they paid a guy to handle the tough stuff and then neglected her self-sufficiency is one thing intentionally neglecting your kids and holding them at arm's length is flat out bad parenting the legal system has a term for what they did neglect how incredibly selfish of them and now she waltzes into your home waves her hand and suddenly mom is jane and the kids need therapy to avoid therapy give me a break before you bombard me with messages saying that i deserved it because i cheated listen to what i have to say i am 32 now he is 35. we started dating when i was 21 a few months into our relationship i cheated on him i have no reason for why i did what i did i know it was a stupid decision but he found out about it after it had happened and decided he wanted to stay with me i never cheated again we were happy we dated for five years after it happened and we got married we have two kids together the past few months or so things have been rocky he won't touch me anymore and he never kisses me back he doesn't really talk to me anymore i tried to talk to him about it but he just says that there's nothing wrong and i'm overthinking it but just yesterday he told me he's going to stay at an airbnb for a while because he cannot forgive me for cheating on him all those years ago he told me he would make himself look like the idiot so that our kids don't hate me for ruining our marriage i am so blindsided by this i don't know what happened if this is how he felt why didn't he tell me 10 years ago what am i supposed to do now edit he has had episodes where all the feelings come back and he would be distant for a while i have never blamed him for it we usually talk it out when that happens it has never lasted more than a few days and he has never left we have tried couples counselling before i thought it worked out well for us but i guess i was wrong maybe something set him off this time and it was worse than before i don't know he won't talk to me no matter how much i try and for those telling me that i never loved him or that i deserve this i do love him maybe there was part of me that didn't all those years back but i love him with everything that i have now we have two kids together for crying out loud but maybe you're right maybe i do deserve this for what i did 11 years ago but my children don't cheating can wreck and has wrecked many relationships months years even decades after it happens people can try their hardest to work past it and even think they've succeeded for years but then they're swamped with the same pain and anger they felt when it first happened and if that happens often enough they realize they not only never really got over it but that they never will at that point they either accept that they will hurt like that forever or they leave as for what you do now ask him if he's open to marriage counselling if not be ready to get a divorce attorney edit to add also get your kids and yourself into counselling exactly this my grandfather cheated on my mother who stayed with him much much later more than three decades and three kids later she admitted that it swallowing down her hurt and pushing on as she was encouraged to do by everyone around her wasn't worth it she wished she had divorced him met and married another man who respected her and with whom she would have an untainted relationship something probably triggered a bad memory regarding you cheating on him 11 years ago that or he plans on cheating on you now even though you've never cheated after that point if my wife cheated on me i would probably not be able to forgive her considering the fact that she's my first everything while i'm not her first everything i don't care how many years we've been together all he can probably think about is how you got the better end of the stick where you got to explore someone else while he didn't granted that's how i would think i would view it as not being fair i like things to be equal unless there is a specific reason as to why it cannot be equal maybe he has the same mentality [Music]

Channel: XO

Views: 156,725

Rating: 4.9241652 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, reddit stories, ask reddit, askreddit, reddit woman, reddit real voice, r/aita, r/mil, reddit aita new, reddit relationship advice, reddit relationship, reddit borrow husband, reddit borrow my wife, reddit coworker, reddit husband has affair, reddit husband has affair with coworker, reddit affair, reddit cheating, reddit surviving infidelity, reddit third wheel marriage

Id: tMVO8jEGdcY

Length: 19min 20sec (1160 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 30 2020