FULL STORY + Final Update: Mother In Law Is Secretly Hurting My Daughter But Wife Won't Stop Her Mom

i 29 male and my wife 29 have always been more traditional than a lot of couples we met in college but she made it very clear that her preference was to be a stay-at-home mother and that what she wanted was to have a family eventually which works for me we got married right after graduation and we've been exceptionally lucky as my current job allows for us to live on just my income and we've been blessed with beautiful twin girls who will be turning seven in two months and a wonderful boy who's just turned four and all three of the kids are being homeschooled by my wife i'm aware that the way our household runs is a bit unusual in today's climate but i've always put my wife's needs ahead of everything except our children and i've been raising my girls to know that while this works for their mother and i they can be anything they want and shouldn't feel like they have to follow in our footsteps if that isn't what they want my mother-in-law however doesn't like that i was one of those guys who when i got married thought i was going to have a fantastic relationship with my in-laws they were always incredibly affectionate towards me and they had an arrangement that seemed edenic to me it looked very similar to my family today and since growing up my family was far from traditional in any respect it was nice to have someone to look up to who was stable looking back i can see a few red flags but my wife never complained about them and she seemed excited whenever we went to visit so i assumed that their relationship was solid and they were generally good parents to her the trouble started about a year ago when my daughter rosie fake name came home from visiting with her grandparents and she didn't want to sit at the kitchen table for dinner claiming that she wanted to eat in the living room instead we don't have a television in the house so it wasn't that she wanted to eat in front of one and we generally don't eat outside of the kitchen my wife has rules about the house and when we're inside we all follow them when i tried to talk to my daughter about why she didn't want to eat at the table she said the chairs were too hard and it hurt well i got a pillow from the closet and let her sit on it for the meal but afterwards i called my father-in-law to ask if anything had happened why rosie would be hurt he claimed that they'd gone to the park and she'd fallen off the swing and at the time i believed him rosie's always been the outgoing type and she did like to do things like stand on swings which led her to falling down quite a bit but she always got back up and got back to it so we tended not to worry too much about it over the next few months though i noticed a change in rosie she stopped playing as much and she got a lot quieter than she used to be she started wearing her sister's dresses a lot more often which she used to hate doing for special events and she was suddenly a lot more dependent on me when i came home sometimes climbing into bed with her mother and i which she hadn't done in years and always wanting to be in the same room as me when i asked my wife what we should do about it she said that it was normal and that rosie was just maturing growing out of her tomboy phase and we should encourage her my wife's always been the children's primary caretaker so i figured she'd know better than i did and i brought home some dresses for rosie the next day but when i gave them to her she started crying and went to her room and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night i finally figured out what was going on when we went down to the beach about a month and a half ago normally my wife is in charge of getting the girls cleaned and changed and i'm in charge of doing the same for my son but my wife had a stomach bug one morning and so i was responsible for getting the girls into their swimsuits and i found marks all over rosie's body her bottom was covered in bruises and a few scrapes and at least two scars and she had red marks all over her back they were clearly not from normal play never mind that she hadn't been playing in months when i asked who was doing this to her she said that she was a good girl and she promised not to tell so i asked her sister it turned out that my mother-in-law took issue with rosie's unladylike behavior some time ago and took it upon herself to make sure she was raised right she's been rewarding my other daughter violet fake name for a long time for doing things like cooking wearing dresses sitting quietly and being a lady and in the past year she's been spanking rosie when she doesn't do the same i'm not against spanking but this was not a quick swap when one of my kids hurts another this is bruises that last for days and cuts that break the skin i immediately called my wife in and confronted her about what her mother had been doing and i told her point blank that we were never letting her be alone with our kids again and she did not take it well she said that because i'm never around i don't get to tell her that she can't turn to her parents for help with the kids i offered to cut back on my personal expenses to hire a nanny and she told me that the deal we made when we got married was that she would control the home and i would handle the financials and that this was her choice she went as far as to threaten to end our marriage and take custody which i would never have imagined she would do but i'm aware that in our state custody is almost always awarded to the mother after a long difficult week we finally came to an agreement where she could take the girls to visit her parents but only if she and my father-in-law stayed in the room and prevented my mother-in-law from doing any more damage i didn't like it but it was better than nothing i sat down with my kids and explained to them that nobody but mommy and daddy has the right to punish them for anything and if a grown-up says to keep a secret from us then that grown-up is probably doing something that mommy and daddy wouldn't like i also gave my daughters each a special phone that can only call 911 and said that if anyone is hurting them they should call me instantly rosie seemed to go back to normal pretty quickly the arrangement was working and although my in-laws protested quite a bit they seemed to accept that they had lost our trust and my father-in-law apologized to me claiming that he had no idea that the spankings were that bad and that he understood my precaution rosie started wearing her shorts and t-shirts again and she asked to get a haircut short like her brother's which i agreed to immediately i got a call last week from rosie and she was crying she said she'd been left with her grandmother who was angry about her hair and was calling her some disgusting things several implying that my daughter was gay and that she'd hit her i was furious with my wife with my mother-in-law with myself too but really mostly with my mother-in-law and i called the police saying that my daughter just called me terrified and that she was being beaten they got to the scene just before i did and they found my daughter with her pants down bruised badly and screaming and they took my mother-in-law away for holding when my wife arrived she saw her mother being led away in cuffs and she started panicking and begging them to release her my mother-in-law was let out after a few hours but she's being charged with a misdemeanor and has been fired from her workplace where she's been employed for several decades my wife says that spanking is a normal part of growing up that our daughter is a spoiled brat and that me having her mother arrested is completely unforgivable she says that i liked her family up until i understood how they managed to make things work and that in real life a perfect home takes some difficult decisions i still firmly believe that her mother was hurting our daughter and that this is not normal but i'm starting to think that calling the police might have been too far how do i keep my daughter safe i think it's time to lawyer up this is not normal and time and time again research has shown that kids do not benefit from even light spanking your mother-in-law is doing your children rosy especially but also violet very real physical and psychological harm here your mother-in-law deserves to be arrested for what she has done it's time for you to start gathering evidence photos text messages emails etc and storing them to somewhere you know your wife or in-laws will not be able to tamper with them if you have evidence of the mistreatment here and the police report an arrest record is a good start i have a hard time imagining you would lose custody no matter what your wife says still i'm not a lawyer so i strongly advise you get one yeah the fact that she knew about how bad it was and actually encouraged it is vile to me divorce and crush her custody and charge whatever you can against the mother-in-law don't look at it as losing the love of your life or breaking your family think of it as saving your children if you don't save your children then you're no better than your wife sure you might lay down some ground rules or make agreements but at some point that grandmother will come back or your wife might punish your daughter in another way that's not physical spanking is a normal part of growing up that our daughter is a spoiled brat this isn't normal save the kid update i 29 male and filing a restraining order against mother-in-law 50 and my wife 29 is refusing to go to family therapy i took rosie to the doctor's office this morning i was told that i should have done this sooner since it's been six days since the damage was done but the doctor was able to do an examination of what was left including to my horror a total of seven scars on my daughter's back behind and thighs as i was told would happen there was a police report made and rosie was very excited when she got to touch one of their unloaded pieces she'd been telling me all day that she's going to be a police girl when she grows up and i don't think anything would make me prouder a truly lovely officer who i'm going to call elizabeth has helped me file for a restraining order against my mother-in-law to keep her away from me and all of my children elizabeth was one of the officers who arrived on the scene when my mother-in-law was arrested and she has promised me that she'll do anything she can to make sure that my kids are kept away from that woman unfortunately this is where the good news ends when i told my wife where i was this morning and that i was taking time off work to sort this out she got angrier than i've ever seen her she threw a framed family photograph at my head and said that i was a pig who thought that i knew better than her about kids i didn't bother to raise she said that i was ruining their lives intentionally and that rosie was growing up to grow fat and miserable and never get married and then she started talking about how i would never have agreed to marry her if she'd been similar to rosie i tried to tell her that wasn't true and that i wanted to work things out but when i brought up the therapist i found last night and suggested reaching out to her my wife started hitting me in the chest and telling me that i was brainwashed and that she never should have trusted someone with my background then she started saying that certain behaviors were hereditary and i was a danger to our kids i told a point blank that she knows that what she's saying isn't true and that if it was true then the doctor would have found some evidence of assault today and i would be in prison and then i told her that if she doesn't go to therapy with me to sort this out she needs to leave the house for a little while for the safety of the kids but that i didn't want that to happen that i love her and i love our family and i want us to figure out a way to get through this she told me that if she leaves the kids are coming with her and she'll tell the authorities what her mother told her about me i asked her if she loves me and she said that she does but she loves her family more so i called a co-worker of mine and he recommended a good divorce lawyer she's still staying in the house for the time being but if there are no other options i'm going to choose rosie over my wife she's playing police in the backyard with her little brother right now and every time i hear her laughing i'm more certain that this is the right choice i'm terrified and i know this is going to be a long and messy road but i've got a lawyer on retainer and elizabeth in my corner and i'm not going to let my daughter suffer more than she already has if anyone has any kind of experience with custody battles or fighting false accusations i would love some advice there as well as anyone who has advice on finding the best possible therapy for my children thanks again to everyone who helped me come up with a plan of action you need to return to the police station today to document your wife's assault on you take photos of the broken picture frame and any injuries this will be important for the custody hearings in keeping your daughter safely away from her please record your wife's rants about you and your daughter try and have a text conversation with her too so you have plenty of evidence proving that your children are better off with you your wife probably had the same treatment your daughter received from her mom and she obviously believes it's the best way to raise children you really don't want her picking up where her mom left off she sounds mentally unstable and shouldn't be raising children update i 29 male had my wife 29 removed from our family home and were getting a divorce these last few days have been a nightmare but i figured writing it all out might do some good and getting advice for moving forward from here would be wonderful i'm going to be divorced officially and it's heartbreaking but it had to happen shortly after my last update i was convinced by a few commenters to call elizabeth about my wife hitting me with a picture frame and she was truly wonderful about the whole situation she documented what happened and spoke to my wife about her side of the story i probably should have expected this but my wife ended up outright lying saying that i'd threatened her and she'd retaliated in self-defense before later claiming that i'd hit myself because i wanted to take her kids away and then altering the story several times i'm very lucky she wasn't in a proper state of mind to stick to one lie and that i had all the physical evidence on my side or things might have gone very differently thank you all the people who told me to file the report you helped me immensely and without your advice i don't know where i'd be right now elizabeth helped me quite a lot for the rest of that day and i officially have a restraining order out on my mother-in-law she is not allowed any contact with me or my kids and elizabeth has promised me that if this is violated she will make sure that my mother-in-law is given the maximum penalty i filed for emergency custody as well but this was denied however my wife was removed from our family home the day after she threw the picture frame and she is currently staying with friends my boss god bless him has put me in touch with an incredible divorce lawyer who has been helping me through the process of officially ending things and he says that he can almost definitely get me full custody i hope he's right my boss let's call him henry has also given me paid time off to sort this out and in general he's been a true godsend during this crisis i feel like i'm betraying my daughter for feeling this way but i'm completely shattered by this divorce it feels like my whole world is crashing around me i made vows and in this past week i've broken every one of them every time i walk into a room and my wife isn't there i feel like i've had my tongue cut out or my hand cut off or both every time i stop focusing on the lawyers and the policemen and the incredible amount of paperwork i just feel broken i don't regret anything i've done but i don't have the slightest idea how to get through it either the one bright spot in this mess is my kids rosie has been doing so much better i can't believe i didn't see how hurt she was until it ended she's become very focused on the police and it's the most wonderful thing i've ever seen watching her following elizabeth around and asking every question she can think of and elizabeth has been truly wonderful about answering in as much detail as she can without being inappropriate elizabeth stayed over for dinner last night as a thanks for all the help she's been to our family and rosie nearly exploded from sheer delight i took the kids out yesterday and i bought rosie a policeman toy set and she hasn't stopped wearing the hat and badge since she wouldn't even take them off to sleep last night as for violet she seems to be doing better than before too i hate to say it but that little kid is definitely smarter than me she and i have had a lot of conversations over the past few days about what happened and as a few of you guessed she saw quite a lot and she's filled in some of the missing details including the fact that my father-in-law was a witness on more than one occasion and would give my kids ice cream every time it happened i've been able to focus a lot more of my attention on her now that the physical violence isn't as much of a threat my son who i'm going to call lucas here is completely unaware of what's been happening as far as i can tell it breaks my heart every time he asks where his mamar is but he doesn't seem to have suffered any severe trauma thank god as for the next thing that many of you have suggested therapy i've been looking into it quite a lot but i'll admit i don't have any real experience here and i'm generally not one to trust that kind of thing however i have come to realize that more than a little of my distrust there was heavily influenced by my in-laws and i've been trying to question a lot of what they taught me still i would love some more advice on the best way to find someone trustworthy who i can make sure won't cause any more harm to my children if anyone has advice there i'd really appreciate it so that's where i am right now i think i'm doing the right thing but the next few months are definitely going to include a lot of budgeting and i'm very worried about the accusations my wife and her mother have been slinging around our social circles if anyone has advice for how to handle this divorce or on how best to get a good therapist for my children please let me know thank you again so much to everyone who's helped me figure this out i'm very worried about the accusations my wife and her mother have been slinging around our social circles people will draw their own conclusions on this when you are granted full custody of the kids and word of the restraining order against your mother-in-law gets out as to therapy for your kids have a word to the police officer who has been helping you out she will have plenty of great contacts that she can give you as this is not the first time she would have come across this so glad you're holding your ground you've done the right thing and put the kids first i wish i could tell you this was going to be easy but it's almost definitely going to be the opposite you sound like a really good guy and not so good people tend to try to take advantage of the goodness of said good guys your wife will probably try any and everything in the book from trying to get back with you to lying and trying to straight ruin you don't let that dissuade you from your goal put your head down and keep your children in your sights and just get through this

Channel: XO

Views: 419,692

Rating: 4.9326406 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, reddit stories, ask reddit, askreddit, reddit woman, reddit real voice, r/aita, r/mil, reddit update, reddit full story, reddit final update, reddit one story, reddit updated, reddit mil, reddit mother in law, reddit mother in law update

Id: Si4uhUHK55A

Length: 17min 57sec (1077 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 17 2020