How to Be VERBALLY ENGAGING - Verbal Game 101

one of the biggest struggles guys having game is getting the girl to talk get her to actually participate and engage in the interaction and you know what if it's not happening for you it's probably your fault sorry to tell you it's probably the things you're saying and the way you're saying them so I'm gonna tell you right now exactly how to make what you're saying more compelling get a reaction get her to participate let's take an example of three different ways you could communicate a similar idea first one is communicating a random topic second is making it about her third one which is the best one is making it about her in an actionable way okay so first random topic oh it's a really nice day out today just talk about the weather talking about the general situation around you maybe she'll engage out of politeness maybe if we say an interesting way she'll engage out of like interest or if you're particularly witty but it's fundamentally not that relevant not that interesting and not that important so it's not gonna be super super gripping all right rather than talk about random topic what if we make it more personal what if instead of it's a beautiful day say you know what you have a beautiful look now that's a compliment so a lot more relevant is about her still though you're probably not going to get the most engaged reaction you might get thank you if she particularly already likes you without you having said that maybe she'll say thank you and then engage a little more because she knows she has permission to engage so maybe you'll get something good out of that but you're really not provoking a reaction you're really not instigating a positive response from a girl that didn't already want to give you one or wasn't already primed to like you what if we take it one step further and make it actionable as well as relevant so instead of just you have an interesting look or a pretty look say oh you have a beautiful look but there's something like a little strange I can't quite place it now all of a sudden it's really engaging wait what do you mean an interesting look is strange I can't play it what do you mean tell me more explain right thank you I think something like that is a much more bought in much more engaged reaction and that is what you're going for one point I want to make on this is that in making it actionable oftentimes this will involve having a negative spike of some kinds because people don't want to take action or change something that's entirely positive so if you're being positive positive positive all the time there no reason to take action where is there if there is a little negativity or a little vague negativity or at least implication of possible negativity there's it's easier to make it actionable it's not necessary that there be a negative spike but it is quite helpful in this context and it is kind of a cheat code for making that happen so again what are the three levels random topic about her about her in an actual way if you can make the conversation about her in a potentially actionable way you're gonna engage her even if she doesn't care that much about you yet because she does care about herself she does care about how she's being perceived and what she can do in her own life so that's the first thing you can do to make it more relevant but there's something beyond that you can do in the way that you express that topic that can take this and make it even stronger let's talk about that right now in order to explain how your manner of speaking can be more engaging and get the girl to participate more I need to explain the idea of an open versus a closed loop a closed loop is where you're giving all of the information an open loop is where you're leaving some of it open to doubt or you're leaving an open question that sort of it provokes follow-up it encourages follow-up so a closed loop would be like there are four cars parked outside an open loop would be like you don't even want to know how many cars are parked outside you don't know how many cars it provokes oh how many are there what do you mean why wouldn't I want to know it provokes certain questions all right and because you want to get the girl to talk provoking questions is gonna be very very helpful so the first principle is don't close the loop all right this comes up all throughout game but one of the most common places it comes up not to do with opening is when asked a question so I'm gonna ask you a question and you give a direct like full closing answer to that question it kills the conversational thread so if someone says what do you do for a living you say I'm a doctor well unless they're very fascinated by medicine that's the end of that conversational thread whereas if someone said what do you do for a living you're like oh my god I bet you wouldn't guess it guess one time and then I'll tell you right now that that's even like the best response always in-game or that you always have to do that but it is a lot more provoking of conversation it makes them participate it makes them wonder it makes them think why is it this way or that way it just leads to more conversation okay so the first thing is don't close the conversational thread now let's take this to the the realm of opening all right what a lot of guys do on their open errands and one of most common things that here in the opener is something that actually is closing the thread right on the open guys they'll say excuse me you look cute I just had to come over here and tell you or sorry hi I just had to come over here and tell you you look cute I had to come over here and tell you look you well you've just done that you've just told her that she looks cute that's it end of topic loop closed it's like oh thank you and then you have to reopen and do something else that really kind of sucks right you could take that same thing and again I'm not saying this is the world's best opener but to take that same opener and make it better you could say excuse me you look really cute I wanted to find out if you're as cool as your look suggests right now there's this idea but o are you also cool all right or you'd be like you know what you look really cute but also a little bit crazy I just I'm a little I'm wondering about you right something like that is again taking the same general idea and making it more of an open loop instead of a closed loop so you're going to provoke more conversation so the first thing is keep the loop open don't close loops you can go even better though if you are a little bit vague and ambiguous you can actually create loops out of almost nothing and the metaphor for this I'll give you is this if I have a cookie and you don't know it you have no reason to want the cookie if I have the cookie and I just give it to you you have a cookie you have no reason to want a cookie that's closing the loop right first is there is no loop second is there's a loop but it's closed the third is if I show you a cookie and then either don't give it to you or give you part of it part of it being probably the best then now you're poor you have a reason to pursue the rest of the cookie and that's the idea of opening the loop is so for example instead of saying I don't know you're very pretty like you know what there's there's just something about you that's a very you have a very unique look I don't you know what I'll tell you later forget it forget I even mentioned it like no no tell me now what is it what is the thing that's gonna provoke a lot right so again being a little vague being a little ambiguous not being in such a hurry to tell everything as men we're taught to communicate directly and clearly and that means closing loops right and also when we start saying something in working really well we have this idea of like let me say more of it's funny enough when things are going really well when you're at a high point in the conversation one of the best things to do rather than hitting it extra hard and like trying to get all of it out is actually to be like take a breath step back leave a little space and let her chase because that's how you are fundamentally gonna get the girl to really participate and really engage in the conversation is if there's something she's interested in something she wants etc and again this doesn't even necessarily have to mean that she likes you very much in the first 10 seconds 30 seconds she doesn't have that much to go on in terms of you so you're much better off making it relevant making it about her making it a little bit vague so that you instigate follow up on her part to close I'm gonna give you an example of maybe one of the best instigating or is or like was it input creating lines in all of game history this is something that was used extensively in the early 2000s when everybody's doing kind of can structured game it was called the best friends test I'm just gonna give you like the first line of the best friends test right but the first line is are you guys best friends and there's a reason why I asked or another version you know I just noticed something are you guys best friends right so what is it it's about them it's about a group of girls are you guys best friends alright automatically that provokes a reaction because it's a question but also provokes a reaction because we're best friends good friends what makes you think that why would we be best friends etc and then when you say specifically there's a reason why I asked there is a cookie somewhere or hey I just noticed something Oh what did you just notice okay that line was literally the line that almost every single person was good at game was using right after their opener for a period of time because it was so good at being instigating and so good at getting a conversation started now that line is massively overused that line is well known it's in in the book of the game I believe so I don't recommend going out and using that in every approach I also don't even recommend doing the same thing in every approach but take the elements that work so well in that line making it relevant to the girl being a little bit vague and ambiguous and leaving a loop open have that early on in your interaction I promise you you're gonna get so many more girls actually engaging and participating instead of sitting there big thank you okay all right have a nice day nice to meet you alright you want to get the girl participating get something that she wants to participate [Music]

Channel: Todd V Dating

Views: 167,082

Rating: 4.9006076 out of 5

Keywords: verbal, words, talk, 101, game, communication, engage, hook, talking, conversatio, how to, flirt, instigate, girls, women, girl, woman, open, meet, start, hooking, FAME, FRED, engaging, dating, date, attract, attraction, premise

Id: H2CTy504FSA

Length: 9min 14sec (554 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 30 2019