How To Make Narcissists MISS YOU After Yo-Yo Discard #narcissism #narcissist

how to make the narcissist miss you after yo-yo discarding okay I know a lot of you probably aren't even watching this video you probably jumped down to the comment section and blasted the fact of why would you even want the narcissist to miss you and that's a really valid point so I want to address that right off the bat this video is actually a remake of a video that I made when I first started my Channel about 5 years ago and it's one of the videos that actually has the most views on my channel I thought it was time to update this video so first off when I made that video how to make the narcissist miss you after discard I want to read the comment that I pinned on the channel it says this video is so different from my normal message I know a lot of you are probably shaking your head however the point of this video if you watch it all the way through is for those that are stuck and unable to move on for them this video is an eye opener sometimes people get stuck in a thought how could he or she not care how could I mean so little how could it not have been real that thought is like a ball and chain around your ankle preventing you to move forward do I think it's a good idea to live to make a narcissist miss you no of course not but if it motivates those stuck to begin taking action to heal well that's another story so just establishing the fact that this is for people that are stuck in yo-yo discarding meaning the narcissist discards reels you back in discards reels you back in now this isn't just romantic relationships family members do this as well they treat you so horribly that there's this rupture and then they pull you back in with the love bombing and so for people stuck in this scenario it's awful and I just want to normalize why you might be stuck is the fact that it has to do with cognitive dissonance so you pour your feelings into a relationship or you're dealing with family members that in your mind family members love you and and care and yet they're doing all of these horrible behaviors that you're enduring including this sadistic discarding that they do all the time where now it's everything is over so you have these two opposing thoughts and your brain gets stuck in cognitive dissonance and imagine cognitive dissonance like the here are these two thoughts and your brain is Ping ponging back and forth trying to wrap its mind around both of these opposite things that don't make sense together when we're in cognitive dissonance we can get stuck in that that thought pattern where we're bouncing back and forth between these two opposing things that we can't take action so when we're Bridging the Gap of the cognitive dissonance what we're starting to do is help oursel go from this place of how could they not care to being able to break free to acceptance to neutrality with what happened and then we can move forward okay but sometimes we have to first feel like we have to go through this process of well how could they not care and from that place there's energy there's anger there's frustration and that gives us the energy to take steps and these are the steps that are helpful to take from that place of how could they not care that's horrible there's more energy in Anger than there is in shame and so the anger pulls us up and helps us to move forward so here are some steps that we can take from that place that help to move in a direction of healing and moving forward and that's what the point of that video was five years ago of course when I watch it I kind of cringe because I was really still in the thick of it when I started this channel I was really at the very beginning stages of my healing Journey so it's a bit um I don't know bit of a throwback for me to watch those videos but um the information I feel is really valuable so I want to go over the points that I mentioned in that video before I do for those that don't know me my my name is Michelle I'm a Survivor of narcissistic abuse I'm now a trauma-informed recovery coach dedicated to helping people overcome narcissistic abuse and cptsd I'm also a sematic experiencing practitioner which allows me to help people bring their nervous system on the recovery Journey as well and last but not least I'm the founder of the thriver school of transformation which is a monthly membership where thrivers from all over the world meet live on zoom and we do the inner work to heal together so I'll leave all my links here for anyone that's interested Okay so step number one when you're in the process of being discarded yo-yo discarded again step number one is to maintain emotional discipline in other words when you see the discard coming and I just want to say this is really hard to do because a narcissist will not discard you when you are expecting it for example let's say you're realizing that this is just not healthy for you and you want to end the relationship it's at that moment where they treat you better better and they actually start changing how they are with you now the purpose of this is not the fact that they're really changing but rather they get a tremendous amount of narcissistic Supply when they're able to reconvince you to trust them again when they know that you're about to put down those boundaries and you're about to have one foot out the door the thought that they can reconvince you again is a tremendous amount of narcissistic Supply and so they actually start showing you the things that you've been asking them to do which is really sad because it shows that they know what you want they know what makes you happy and they purposely don't give it except as bait to reel you back in so they don't discard you when you're expecting it they wait until they get you again and then they discard and it's like each time they do it the wound is even more intense it's more over overbearing and it breaks your spe Spirit even more than the last time so if this resonates with you at that moment that you realize wow I got sucked in again and now I'm getting spit out it's important before that moment happens to understand that it will happen if you're in a relationship with a narcissist because they are predictable creatures they are creatures of habit so when it happens what you want to prepare yourself for is to remember that what they're hoping to do is get some kind of reaction from you they want to see you they want to see you angry they want to see you desperate they want to see you in fear they want to see you begging or overe explaining and trying to convince them any of those emotions that's what they're hoping when they discard you what they're not hoping for is a neutral reaction and so if you can have a neutral reaction and what that means is hopefully before it happens you're watching this video and you're really wrapping your mind around around the fact that it will happen and it has nothing to do with you but their need to push away and pull back they need to control and feel like they can control the emotions of someone else so when that happens and you're neutral and you're like okay you know I agree this isn't this isn't healthy you know I'm I'm I'm totally on board it's over I'm glad we're having this conversation you're actually giving them what they least expect there's no emotion there they're not going to like that and don't be surprised if as a result they try to twist it into making you think that you're the one that doesn't care but they care and by your reaction you're not caring about the relationship be careful you don't get sucked in if they flip it because they're not seeing an emotional reaction from you if they do that just remember to be like no I'm just totally in agreement with you in fact I got to go I'm going to get my things or I have some stuff I have to do um I hope nothing but the best for you if you can have that neutral reaction for those that are stuck when you can kind of see this reaction in them you start to see something different it kind of first it opens your eyes because you start to see like oh my God like this is exactly what's happening everything that I'm hearing in these videos this is what I'm living as soon as I do this they want me back it starts to bring it into your conscious awareness the game that they're playing and it helps you to feel a tiny bit more empowered and so again we're we're trying to find places to come from those those moments those glimmers of of empowerment to move us in the direction of healing and so that would lead me to the step number two and this has to do with your social media and your conversations with friends and family now some people say go no contact if that's something that resonates with you and feels right then by all means but for those that can't so regardless of whether you go no contact or not what you post and what you focus on in this moment is either going to feed their narcissistic Supply or it's going to feed your empowerment my suggestion and that's all it is is my suggestion but my suggestion is to post no negative emotions and that could be even memes or quotes that are talking about a broken heart or talking about family I know some people will tell me no but I just posted that because I want to jab them and I wanted them to know they don't know they don't see it that way what you see as a jab they see as oh look they can't stop thinking about me oh look at how they're acting like they're not bothered by this last discard but I can tell by their posts that they are and what they're always looking for is your negative emotions and if they can't see them face to face seeing them on your social media is just as powerful for them they're getting narcissistic Supply so you don't want to share any of your painful struggles on social media at this point and honestly like our wounds should be something we only share with people that tend to them right people that have earned our trust and so we we can share with them and so if you don't have anybody in your life doing that support groups are a great place a great place to really start um being able to share in a place where you're going to get witnessed where you're going to get validated where you're going to be believed and your emotions and your story is not going to be used to hurt you so just throwing that out there if you need an outlet for your painful wounded emotions then journaling is a great thing to do as well as again the support groups number three is to make an inventory of your friends and or family that you have in common with this person because these are the people that are going to start coming around to talk about the narcissist and they're usually going to do it in a caring way or they're going to say things that make it like the narcissist cares like they may say something like oh so and so I ran into so and so and he or she was you know really sad you know they're really concerned about you and they care so much about you and they were talking so highly about you and they really sounded you know like they still care now at that moment your blood is probably going to boil because you know that that's all a facade that that care that they show to other people is never what you see behind closed doors at that moment just understand that this is their way of trying to get in information through other people and they can use people that weren't even close to them they can use your best friend I have seen I have had clients where they're like I my best friend didn't even like them when we were dating now they're super close or this family member now they're best friends and I'm the odd one out like I have seen it all I have seen narcissists divide people unbelievably so be aware that everything you share is going to get back to the person and if you share any kind of spite like oh yeah they're just they're saying that but they're so full of this that and the other thing and they're Liars or they never cared and they did this they did that if you come across that way it's going to cause people to look at you in a negative light and them in a positive light because they're not talking about you that way they're talking about you highly so it does something in the minds of people so that's one thing to remember and the second thing is now they're going to go back and the narcissist is going to be like oh they're not posting anything but look at how angry they still are look at all that resentment I hear it through the way their friends or family are telling me that they're talking about me so when they say oh so and so was so great and they're so sad and they care so much about you it's better to be like thank you for sharing that and honestly I hope nothing but the best for him or her and then change the subject and if the person keeps trying to bring it back then you might have to end that conversation in a polite way in these last three steps what we're doing is we're cutting cting off any emotional Supply that the narcissist is trying to get from you by not getting Supply to them you can start replenishing you with your emotional energy and that leads me to The Next Step the first three are all about not doing things right we're refraining from doing things well if we're stopping from doing several things we need to replace it with actions that help and this is the step where you start rebuilding you you start getting in touch with your passions the things that you loved that you weren't allowed to do because of the narcissist or you were made to feel selfish for doing you start putting time and energy into you getting back in touch with your values and honestly at this point you probably are going to need some kind of outside help so getting a coach getting a therapist joining a group where people have been there and get it and are now healing can help inspire you as well a leave the link to thriver school of transformation for anyone that's interested in that but it's important to get yourself some help and support in this stage because narcissistic abuse is not just about leaving someone toxic it's then about rebuilding what they rewired inside of you it's almost like they created a virus in your subconscious and it's affected your nervous system it affects your brain it affects your emotional states your belief systems and so there's a rebuilding that has to take place when you do that and you're rebuilding what you are basically doing in this with these steps is you're getting to a place of you remember that cognitive dissonance how could they not care with all the things I've done and all the ways I've done emotional gymnastics to try to make them happy to I can let go and move on and you get to this place where you can actually say and it always brings to mind this movie um called The Labyrinth and I used to watch it as a kid it's so funny how that phrase always stood out to me even as a kid but the actress says to and the actor was David Bowie in in the movie where she looks at him and she's like you have no power over me and it's like just standing in her truth ends that um control that he had over her and it's the same thing with the narcissist when we get to that place when we do these steps we get to this place where we can say you have no power over me and then we can move on and so when we do these steps does the narcissist miss you yes and no yes they miss the control they miss seeing your reactions they miss the power of playing with your emotions they miss feeling like they can pull you in and spit you out whenever they feel like it they miss you doing mental gymnastics to please them do they miss you in the intimate sense of this person was valuable and I did something wrong and I hurt them and I want to change to be with them no because that would require empathy love self-reflection honesty and humility things that narcissists don't possess so by doing these steps you get the narcissist to miss you but not miss you in the way that healthy people do and hopefully as you're doing these steps by that point you won't care if they miss you because if you're anything like me and so many other survivors on this journey I realized after all toxic relationships that the person I missed the most was myself the real me and by getting me back you never want to be in a toxic relationship again you never want to give you up to make someone else happy so I hope this video helps you let me know in the comment section below

Channel: Michele Lee Nieves Coaching

Views: 25,823

Keywords: life coach, michele lee nieves, narcissism, does narcissist miss you, revenge on narcissist, discarded by narcissist, how to handle discard, love bombing and devalue, how to outsmart the narcissist, narcissist uses flying monkeys, narcissists hate you, can narcissists love, do narcissists regret, do narcissists come back, how narcissists manipulate, how narcissist punish you, emotional manipulation, toxic relationships, controlling relationships, narcissistic abuse

Id: lQj35S1B-QI

Length: 17min 0sec (1020 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 29 2023