10 Signs Of A FEMALE Covert Narcissist (RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS)

when it comes to diagnosis there's no difference between a male and a female narcissist but if you've known both you know that those core characteristics present in very different ways so in this video we're going to talk through 10 ways that those characteristics come through with a female covert narcissist and if you're a man watching this pay special attention to numbers one and four of all the things we talk about today you might have the strongest connection to those but definitely let me know in the comments so I want to start with how a female narcissist will love bomb you because it can be quite different from what we'll see with a male narcissist because a female narcissist oftentimes is hypersexual in the beginning so early on she will make you feel extremely desirable and like she can't keep her hands off of you and while you might expect that this hypersexuality is not going to last forever you will very much be surprised later on in the relationship when she completely turns it all off and this can be extremely damaged judging for your self-esteem and your sense of self-worth and that's kind of the point now when we get to number four these two very much go hand in hand and these are two very powerful weapons that are female narcissist will use against a man to attack his sense of self and self-worth and self-esteem so a female narcissist early on in the love bombing phase will also be very complementary she'll rely very heavily on validation and compliments so really all of these things combined sort of set the stage for you thinking that she's put you on a pedestal and this is exactly what we talk about with narcissism and this love bombing and idealization phase men do it too it just sometimes presents in different ways in this phase she may actually be idealizing you she may be in her own mind putting you on a pedestal and really thinking that you are amazing and that's why this is so dangerous because it feels real it comes through as super authentic because it feels authentic and because there's flattery involved and you want to believe it it's very easy to fall into the Trap so if you're trying to avoid falling in this trap in the future I suggest looking out for hypersexuality and excessive complementing and validation if it seems Over the Top If it seems like she wants to be super connected to you before you guys even know each other that's a major red flag so my name is Christina and I want to welcome you to the common ego Community this is a very supportive community and a lot of what we talk about here is narcissism so if that's something that's touched your life consider subscribing and if you're new here I invite you to check out the comments section because there are always some hidden gems there and I'm going to be highlighting a bunch of them in this video today starting with one that really illustrates this point about hypersexuality sex became a weapon and a tool of manipulation even before we got married after that from the moment of her most dramatic narcissistic rage until our divorce two years later she decided unilaterally that we would become celibate in her words it was to protect herself so the next thing that we're going to talk about is another red flag see the female narcissist is absolutely guilty of gossip a lot of people gossip doesn't necessarily mean that you're a narcissist gossip can feel very seductive and I think that might be because you feel like somehow you're keeping yourself safe by knowing someone else's deep dark secrets by knowing that you know someone else is really a bad person but unfortunately if you've ever been a victim of a smear campaign you know how it can work in reverse and how it can really destroy someone's reputation unfairly so gossip is really never a good idea we should all attempt to stay in our own lane but with a female narcissist specifically the gossip will be ruthless and this is another red flag to look out for whether this person is somebody that you're considering being friends with or somebody that you're considering having a relationship with with a female narcissist you're gonna find that it is difficult to tell whether she's talking about a friend or an enemy she's going to tear her friends down when she talks about them behind their backs and of course she's going to be very friendly in front of their face and I'm going to share a comment about someone who encounters female narcissists at work but interestingly enough when it came to gossip a lot of the comments that were left were about narcissists at work and although I found that a little bit surprising at first when I really thought about it it started to make more sense because I've seen this myself firsthand now I personally did not get involved in this but I have seen a female narcissist in list almost all the ladies in an office as flying monkeys to take another woman down and unfortunately the result was very damaging to the Target of abuse and she felt the need to leave the environment shortly after and I have to say I don't blame her so now let's look at the comment I work in the entertainment industry which is a hotbed for narcissists what you said about gossip is spot on females and males in the industry take each other down and ruin each other's lives through gossip they feel that taking down someone else will benefit them and too often they get away with it so the third thing that you might notice with a female narcissist is that they can be very focused on appearances and you might notice this with a male narcissist too but it might show up in different ways the female narcissist is also more likely to be attention seeking and I think these two things are related which is why I group them in together so with a female covert narcissist you're probably going to notice that she's faking something in her life in a big way and sometimes this comes through as faking that she's well off right that she's very successful that's just a lot of money but really it's all smoke and mirrors so this female narcissist will focus on getting designer items and maybe having a super expensive car anything that somebody from the outside would look at and say oh she's she's got money but behind the scenes this is not true and another side note for you men watching pay attention to the entitlement behind this so if she expects that you always buy her nice gifts and you take her out to expensive dinners go on expensive vacations all of that it's fine if you all like to do that and that's something you want to do but pay attention to the entitlement behind it if it feels like it's a contingency on the relationship so if it feels like if you don't take her out and spend a lot of money on her that she would leave you then I would say that's a red flag so it's not always financially where this shines through you will often see a female covert narcissist pretending to be empathetic and to pretending to care about you in front of other people when behind the scenes she's abusive and shuts you out so she might really put a lot of effort into making it seem like she's got the perfect life and the perfect relationship the perfect family when none of that is true and not only is none of that true but she makes no effort to actually improve the situation now let's take it to the comments and see what you all had to say about this malicious gossip check trying to maintain a home with perfect appearance even when she couldn't afford it check exploiting shame to control me and others as well as being deeply sensitive to it herself check so another thing that you'll notice with the female covert narcissist is that she can be very passive aggressive and this is something that you'll notice also with many male covert narcissists as well but it does tend to come through with women more in the form of silent treatment and I feel like I can't really talk about this one without admitting that I myself used to shut down when I would get angry it was a learned behavior that thankfully I did learn is not okay and the more I learned about it the more I realized that it really is not okay so as with all the things we talk about here it's really important to look for patterns and evaluate the person as a whole and not just pick out one characteristic or one behavior and come to the conclusion that somebody's a narcissist but with the female covert narcissist you might notice things like silent treatment stonewalling and it might actually the passive aggressive behaviors might get pretty intense and roll into the category of reactive abuse where she'll be really good at pushing your buttons and getting you to react and then playing the victim when you do so now here we are at number four the female covert narcissist in any relationship with a man is very likely to be emasculating so she will use your masculinity against you so she will make it seem like you can't be vulnerable or you can't have feelings especially about anything that she's done and she may constantly attack or criticize your ability to provide for your family or your ability to protect her or anyone else essentially anything that is traditionally associated with masculinity a female narcissist will use against you and at its worst a female narcissist will Gaslight you into believing that you should put up with abuse because your amount and with this you will often hear the phrase man up all right now let's see what you guys had to say about it in the comments no empathy shaming men for showing vulnerability like crying unforgiving massive need to be adored can't take any criticism using massive time looking into the mirror using other people as a weapon against you in the discard phase yes that's what we call the smear camping so another thing that you may notice with the female covert narcissist is that she may be very good at faking empathy when it comes to other people she may even Pride herself on being super empathetic but you'll notice that when you need empathy the most if she will go completely cold and shut you out again this is where you might hear some of those phrases like man up or get over it you're being a baby and you may also notice this with a covert narcissist mother so she is likely to be very empathetic with other people and empathetic towards you in public but when you really need support you are absolutely not going to get it from her in fact you'll probably get the opposite so with a female narcissist you'll also get the feeling like you could never do enough no matter what you do it is never enough and you may whether it's your partner or your mother or your friend you may want to keep this person happy you may want to put a smile on their face but it seems like no matter how hard you try it never really happens you never really get that genuine gratitude that you might expect it is kind of like they're always dangling the carrot like you feel like you're almost there like you almost have their approval and you can almost make them happy but you never quite get there you never quite get to that finish line and part of this is manipulation because they don't want you to get too comfortable they don't want you to feel like you're good enough and another part of it is just because they're really never happy in general now let's see what you guys have to say about this in the comments my ex-wife is a female narcissist it was horrible as the cup would never fail for her no matter what I would do to please her in the end she had an affair and ditched me for another man top it all off she is an LCSW specializing in Family Therapy so a female covert narcissist will also have very selective boundaries so you can set boundaries all you want all day it does not mean she's going to respect them in fact she may trample them just to show you that she can but if she sets the boundary that boundary needs to stick and she'll probably shame you for trying to cross that boundary now I think on either side we shouldn't be trying to cross each other's boundaries but it just shows the double standard of the female covert narcissist that she's okay with setting boundaries herself yet you are not allowed to have boundaries so here's a comment that illustrates that when you say no they insult to provoke you into talking to them stock you on all social media and any other devices they can get a hold on I just keep living my best life because they were never part of my life in the first place that's a really interesting point with any type of narcissist you get the sense that they've always got one foot out the door right like you get the sense that you don't matter the relationship doesn't matter you feel like you're the only one who's invested it's a very very one-sided and so when you start looking back at the relationship you realize how one-sided it was and how they weren't really as big of a part of your life as you thought they were so now let's talk about control now control can come in many different forms and control is not exclusive to the female narcissist but it may come out in slightly different ways not to say that men are not capable of this type of controlling Behavior it's just more common with the female narcissist now a female narcissist is more likely to try to control a man's career or finances so the female narcissist may push you to into a career where you're making more money but you're miserable they may push you towards things that don't make you happy ultimately but they will result in more money or more success and I will say that there's a fine line they say that money doesn't buy happiness but with money you can take away a lot of stress and you have the ability or the capability to be a lot happier when you don't have all that stress weighing you down so I'd say this one really really comes down to control if you feel like she's trying to control your career your financial choices things like that and you don't have as much of a say as you should then that's definitely a red flag so control can also come in many other forms so you might get the feeling that this person just wants to be the boss of your life they want you to ask permission before you do anything so now let's take a deep dive into jealousy now the female covert narcissist can be incredibly jealous but she may also try to make you jealous and the female narcissist often uses this as a test of loyalty so if you're not jealous she may imply that you don't care or you're not loyal to her and so you might find that she might create situations for you to become jealous right she might flirt with somebody in front of you or she might tell you how you know all these people hit on her wherever she goes so this jealousy thing is something that is pretty unique to the female narcissist behavior and it's kind of interesting and really cunning at the same time so she might create situations to test your loyalty and to imply that you don't care if you're not jealous so it's almost like she's encouraging your jealousy and at the same time the female narcissist is also likely to cheat as all narcissists are and so it becomes really easy for them to just say oh you're just jealous when you start questioning questionable Behavior so now I want to talk about the gradual erosion of self-worth and this is something that happens in any relationship with a narcissist and as you can see in some of the characteristics and behaviors that we talked about here today they are very much designed to erode your self-worth so it's no surprise that you would be struggling with that after a relationship with a female narcissist one thing I want to call out here specifically is that if you're finding yourself in a relationship with a female narcissist in adulthood maybe you're dating or maybe you're married and you've been raised by female narcissists or women with highly narcissistic tendencies you're very likely to think that this is just how women are and that might keep you stuck in this relationship for a lot longer than you would be otherwise because if you think that this is just how all women are then what's the sense in leaving and of course depending on the relationship there may also be a trauma Bond at play that is keeping you feeling stuck in a cycle of abuse so if you're not familiar with the cycles of narcissistic abuse I have a free download with a checklist for each stage of narcissistic abuse and you can use that to help you figure out what's going on in your own relationship but now back to the trauma Bond so the trauma bond is kind of like Stockholm syndrome and it's actually a physiological change that happens it's like your brain chemistry becomes wired to seek this other person's approval and to keep this person in your life so if you feel like you're having trouble leaving this relationship I highly suggest you watch the video that's going to come up on the screen next because in that video I talk all about the trauma Bond and I walk through the seven stages that you'll go through in a relationship where a trauma bond is likely to be present

Channel: Common Ego

Views: 765,265

Keywords: female narcissist, signs of a female narcissist, covert narcissist, signs of a female cover narcissist, how narcissists treat you, wife is a narcissist, girlfriend is a narcissist, narcissist wife, narcissist mother, narcissist girlfriend behavior, narcissist girlfriend broke up with me, narcissist girlfriend cheating, narcissist girlfriend signs, narcissist wife sexless marriage, narcissist wife signs, narcissist wife abuse, narcissist wife cheating, narcissist wife divorce

Id: J3OuQNGwB54

Length: 17min 24sec (1044 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 30 2023