How to Outsmart Narcissists Silent Treatment End the Pain Today

want to help you to understand what you can do to end the silent treatment forever sometimes we think or wish that the other party would change so that things could go well and guess what it would be nice if that happened but they don't there comes a point when when we realize that this person has a past track record so long that any hope for change at this moment would be part of denial denying what's really happening the truth is is if we want change to happen it has to start with us and i'm not putting the blame on the victims at all but what i had to come to terms with was realize that the only person i could change was myself and until i did that everything that was happening in my relationships were going to continue to happen einstein said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting change well we have to realize that in narcissistic relationships so rather than hoping that the narcissist is going to stop the silent treatment forever put that thought aside and realize that it is in your power to stop the torment of the silent treatment forever and i'm going to help you to do that today and it involves recognizing two things okay the first thing we need to recognize is that when we are begging pleading trying to make peace apologizing we have to know what our motive is and we have to know what the narcissist motive is okay so our motive obviously is to end that toxic dynamic of treating somebody as if they don't exist what we don't realize is that we're doing everything that the narcissist wants us to do their motive is simply to feed off of your drama now they could be doing that for a number of reasons maybe they didn't like what you had to say maybe they didn't like that you called them out for something maybe they just are bored and things have been too quiet and they need some kind of drama there could be any number of reasons why they begin the silent treatment but their motive for it is to feed off of your emotion when we make efforts to make peace with somebody and we apologize and we are the first to go to the person for peace right we think that the other person's gonna like that they're gonna think oh wow they want peace so let's have peace after all doesn't everybody want that narcissists are kind of allergic to peace and happiness and healthy love so they run from that also they don't think the way that other people think so when somebody's apologizing when somebody apologizes to me i think oh wow you know they they feel bad for what they did that makes me feel better i think well at least they they hurt me but they really didn't want to narcissists don't think like that when somebody apologizes they think oh see i'm right look there that's admission of guilt after all with a narcissist everything you say can and will be used against you even an apology can be used against you the other thing we want to understand is that the narcissist is getting all this power they are on a huge power trip when you are allowing yourself to feel tortured if we were to appear inside their mind which is not a pretty place but if we were to be able to do that we would hear their thoughts such as wow i must be really important look at how much he or she is suffering just because i'm not giving them attention wow it's been six days and it they just get worse and worse they need me like the air they breathe they're withering and wilting without me that is just how amazing i am that's a brief glimpse into the mind of the narcissist what they're thinking when they're doing the silent treatment if you think crying is going to touch their heart it won't if you think pleading is going to get through it won't if you think that showing yourself to be tortured by what they're doing will somehow touch their empathy it won't you're not dealing with a person that has empathy and that's why the silent treatment goes on so long so that's what's going on when the silent treatment is taking place that's what the narcissist is thinking and that's why they're doing it it's a hard pill to swallow when we realize the truth of what's inside of them but we have to realize that once we realize that we get to the second part of stopping and ending the torture of the silent treatment forever and that has to do with us a lot of us continued allowing ourselves to feel tortured allowing ourselves to be in anguish begging pleading trying to make peace because we had a wrong thought we thought i thought i needed this person to show me their approval to love me to know that i was likable lovable and a good person now i didn't really consciously say that to myself i didn't really know that that's what i was thinking but that's what my actions were showing because when you're raised in an environment where you're taught your value only comes from external validation you don't know anything else it's your subconscious programming that was my programming i was just carrying it out without even realizing it now the truth is everyone should want their significant other to value you to see your worth to love you to cherish you everyone should want that but we don't need that in order to know that we are valuable and beautiful and amazing people i didn't know that it was very hard for me at that time in my life to feel valuable if the person i was in a relationship with was treating me as if i was dead their view of me was my view of me so basically i was codependent like super codependent i depended on that person's approval of me that person's forgiveness that person's um expressions of love to make me feel as if yes i am lovable when you recognize that you are acting in a way that your subconscious programming is programming you to act and it's not working for you you can stop it even before the next silent treatment comes your way i challenge you to begin generating your own self-love to begin feeding not the narcissist desire for your emotions which leaves you drained and feeling awful but feeding your own self-worth your self-confidence your self-value if you don't know where to start take a look at this video which has 10 self-love habits that changed my life begin feeding your self-love then when the next time the silent treatment comes do these three things one observe don't absorb notice it oh there's the silent treatment yep there it goes again remember why the silent treatment is being done here she wants my emotions my drama my pain i don't really want to give them that so number two respond without reacting notice that you don't have to beg someone to converse with you you don't have to plead you don't have to force them to they're allowed to have that toxic behavior if they choose but you're allowed to stay healthy and to engage in behaviors that make you feel proud of yourself that make you feel empowered so you observe it and you respond and you say okay well it looks like you don't want to talk right now that's fine that's okay you're allowed to be quiet if you want you are cutting off the supply the third thing to do is not to ask yourself or focus on what the narcissist or toxic person needs like why are they this way what did i say wrong why are they doing this what can i do to stop it what can i what do they need no you're not going to think like that you're going to ask one question and it's about you you're going to say what do i need right now to feel good what do i need now i know some of you are saying well i need the other person to stop doing the silent treatment ah no that's still codependent thinking if you're thinking like that you're thinking i can only be okay if they stop their toxic behavior that's a lie that's in your subconscious programming that will keep you entangled with toxic people so ask yourself what do i need you might be surprised with the things that come up what do i need right now to feel good i'm feeling kind of down i could really use some endorphins i would love to go to the gym and just sweat it out i like how you think i could really use a healthy way to like get my stress out so that i can get my emotions out without being food for a toxic person i like how you ladies think let's do this okay and for anyone that's saying right now but i can't go to the gym the narcissist in my life won't let me leave the house trust me there are still things you can do read a book take a bubble bath do your nails exercise in your room practice mindful meditation if you can leave the house and you can't go to the gym take a walk outside feel the fresh air enjoy the breeze on your skin walk your dog watch a feel-good movie reach out to a friend or family member on the phone the point is focus on you focus on what you need to feel good without thinking that you need that person to allow you to feel good you are allowed to feel good give yourself permission begin making these changes and i promise you i promise you you will shift from feeling tortured to empowered they're going to be quiet use that time to give yourself what you need now i'm going to warn you when you start to do this be aware that the silent treatment will be ending a whole lot faster than it normally does because you're not giving the narcissist what they want they want your pain they want your suffering they want you begging they want you taking full responsibility when you stop that and you're actually enjoying your time they're not going to like that so just be aware of that share with me what you plan on doing the next time the silent treatment comes around share it in the comment section below that'll help you to have some kind of accountability don't wait until the silent treatment comes and allow it to take you by surprise like the rug being pulled out from underneath you have a plan practice go over this video until you really get it until it hits home and then begin to realize that you don't need the narcissist to do anything or be anything or say anything in order for you to feel good about yourself normal people yes want that narcissist in my last video i talked about why the silent treatment is so painful if you haven't seen is it this one okay this one sorry

Channel: Michele Lee Nieves Coaching

Views: 732,077

Keywords: how to stop silent treatment, is silent treatment abuse, covert narcissistic abuse, why narcissists give silent treatment, narcissistic abuse life coach, signs of emotional abuse, signs of emotional abuse from parents, toxic relationships when to let go, how to deal with silent treatment, psychological manipulation in relationships, michele nieves narcissist expert, michele nieves life coach, marriage silent treatment, let go of toxic relationships, healing from trauma, cptsd, NPD

Id: Z70GodMTsr0

Length: 12min 4sec (724 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 27 2019