Pursuing Too Little Vs. Too Much

hi I'm coach Corey Wayne this is my video coaching newsletter and the topic of this newsletter is going to be pursuing two little verses pursuing too much well today I'm going to talk about the subtle differences obviously between over pursuing a woman and backing off so much to the point that you just basically become a cold dick to her the point where she feels like you don't care about her anymore so you can find the sweet spot where she does most of the chasing most of the pursuing it feels natural and effortless so I've got two emails that I'm going to go through with you today and we're also going to look at the importance of choosing a woman or if you're a woman choosing a man that has a good attitude so it's a good communicator that laughs a lot that has a lot of humor and because you think about it I mean sex is a small part of a relationship and you want to be with somebody that you really enjoy hanging out with somebody that's interesting to listen to you share common goals common interests you like the same kinds of things maybe you have some of the same kinds of hobbies and interest you share those because you never run out of things like I was talking to an old girlfriend of mine recently and it's like when I hung up with her because I hadn't talked to her in a few years things just really struck me that just because you know when you know talk to somebody for a while then you talk to him again after a few years and it's like feels like you just talked to the day before and just remind you of like I just like she really had a great attitude it's like we spent like the whole conversation just [ __ ] teasing each other and making fun of each other and just having a great time that's the one thing that after I hung up and just reminded me of what a great relationship we had I mean that's it's really easy to have an effortless relationship with somebody when you're pretty much always laughing and you're having fun and if she's got a healthy self-esteem and a good attitude which is essential to have an effortless relationship she's going to look at things and assume the glasses have full versus somebody who perceives a glass-is-half-empty and somebody who perceives a glass-is-half-empty if you do something and they're not really crazy about what you did or what you said they presuppose that you had ill intent they presuppose that you don't care about them they presuppose that you meant something negative by and that's the place they come from whereas dating someone who's successful a high achiever is happy loves herself loves her life loves her parents she's gonna presuppose that you're just joking around you're just being silly or you're just being you and it's not going to get under her skin because nothing you do is going to make her feel like she's somehow diminished in any capacity because she's an equal she also perceives herself as a catch and she obviously is a catch and the idea is that as you date and you apply the things that I teach is you become a better quality man and therefore you're able to quality of the woman that you're able to attract increases as well and if you're a woman applying these things obviously you become a better quality one you're able to attract a much better quality man because what you deserve to have deserve to have somebody of the opposite sex who knocks your [ __ ] socks off in every way not just great sex in the bedroom but you have a great time together you have a lot of fun together you do more laughing and smiling than you do anything else and laughing and smiling is one of the best antidepressants that you have because when you laugh and you smile and you're happy or you witness somebody else smiling and laughing and being happy it produces dopamine in essence it triggers your brain to produce positive chemicals so you feel good so you think about yes MA in your life that really stimulates you in a positive way you're going to be a much happier and healthier person because your thoughts are things your thoughts literally affect the chemistry of your body if you're angry and you're pissed off you're frustrated you're fearful you're worried you're in a stress State guess what your body is going to produce toxins to match the mental state that you're in well if you're happy if you're feeling good if you're feeling peaceful if you're feeling relaxed if you feel like things are working out for you in your life not only now but they're going to continue to work out for you in the future your body is going to produce positive healthy chemicals that are going to reflect that so before we get into what I got a quote that I wrote that I want to share with you and it says the quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of the people who you consistently spend your time with choose to date people who have good attitudes who always tend to be happy and upbeat and who support and encourage you to be you without expecting you to change who you are if you date someone who always sees the negative and things where the glass is half-full they always tend to expect the worst and what they fear to happen I've dated women like that and ain't a lot of fun even if the sex is great you enjoy hanging out with them you're not gonna be able to make them happy therefore they will presuppose ill intent and things not consistently working out in your yours or their favor ninety-five percent of your happiness or misery will come from who you allow into your life and inner circle choose wisely so let's go ahead and jump into the first guys you know says hey coach my ex is back East for college so I thought any pursuing would push her away thus I gave her space needless to say she started contacting me every two to three weeks I had given it up as a lost cause and only arranged a Skype date every time she contacted me to practice my conversation skills well that's good because obviously you're physically in other parts of the country and if she's away at college you're probably not going to be seeing each other in the middle of the semester except when you have breaks and stuff where you have holidays so you do the best you can through video Skype it's I mean really it's the next next best thing he says strangely as I have been hooking up and dating other women I can feel myself changing and molding into a confident natural and assertive me good for you do that that is who you naturally already are inside by applying the things that I teach you give yourself permission to be that awesome dude that you are he says I started to notice her level of attraction rise as she stole it started calling me those sweet names that she used to call me when we were together I remained indifferent and didn't jump the gun when a woman starts teasing you playfully and calling you while his baby sweet names it she used to call you give it right back to her loves playful and fun remember if she's smiling and she's laughing with you guess what guess what she's associating with you positive emotions and you're literally causing her body to produce positive chemicals internally to match the mental state and the emotional state that you're putting you're in so think about that anytime you're going to say something women always think about is this going to make her feel positive and happy or is this going to piss her off and or hurt her feelings or make her feel angry and caused her to back up and wonder if I'm really the right guy for her he says because I seen what happens to those guys from other videos that you've done i Chi tells me you're still a little too cold you're gonna hold back a little too much here with that kind of mindset but this is an art it's not an exact science and you gotta learn to become good at because obviously pursuing too much got you rejected in the first place and this particular guy I've done I've had a few phone sessions with them and I've done several email coaching and several mom actually answered in other previous newsletters he says so my birthday approached and she texted me with an essay a long essay of open affection to how awesome I am well that's really cool and really sweet that tells me that that's what she's thinking about you in that moment that she wrote it remember women are emotional beings so whenever they say something or what they're feeling it only applies the moment that they actually say it because five minutes later you can do something and totally piss them off and they don't have those feelings anymore that time you got to think of women kind like mother nature some days it's sunny and beautiful out in other days it's thunderstorms and tornadoes and hurricanes out don't let any [ __ ] any shitty weather diminish you he says she even sent me a couple of pictures we had taken two years ago and I thought she completely forgotten those moments in me along with him obviously not he says her actions said otherwise when we Skyped she was more open sexually and was entirely feminine and she even stopped mentioning other guys this was a sight of her I had never seen before what tells me he probably didn't know her too well or as well as you thought you did he says here's where I started [ __ ] up I felt myself losing control of my composure with these tokens of affection from her since she means a whole lot to me he says anyway since our birthdays are two weeks apart I wasn't sure if I should call her after she was doing one I resented pursuing since that would have tipped off the scales well she's reaching out to you to make you feel special on your birthday and then you're going to blow hers off that's going to go over like a lead balloon so that tells me you're backing off a little too much because that's just going to make her feel like you don't give a [ __ ] about her because she went out of her way to write this long essay of how much you meant to her and what I would have done is I would have called her up and say hey baby happy birthday I'm going to call and see how you're doing hope you're having a great day give me a buzz when you got some time so we can chat and catch up that's what I was said to her then hung up it's a lot more confident than leaving a text plus she gets to hear your sweet charming voice that she loves hopefully he says however a week later after a mindfulness retreat I felt my consciousness to be free of any anger and ego so I decided to call her up she was skyping with her mom and ended the conversation with her to talk to me right off the start I could hear the frustration in her voice so I bantered with her and opened her up she revealed that she was upset about the fact that I not pursuing her like I used to she was also upset that it took me a week to call her for her birthday that's the real reason she's upset because she was starting to feel special about you again and she sent you this nice lovey-dovey sweet little poem about all the things that she loved about you and then her birthday comes and goes and all she hears is crickets she then gave me the impression that I talked to a lot of women so I told her sweetheart those girls that will make me feel the strong attraction that I feel for you to make her feel special but she responded with can you say that with a straight face that's when you look look if you're doing video Skype you go you're so [ __ ] hot I love you you say something like that you it's like you change it because basically she's saying I don't really think that was authentic I don't think you really meant that and so what you do is more of what she feels like she's not getting the average guy is going to go but but I just told you they like cared about you I sent you an email of course go on your last birthday I took you your favorite restaurant like that really matters all she cares about is what you're doing right now and so you're basically saying hey I really care about you and she's going yeah whatever and that's when you say other things when she says whenever she comes back with can you say that with a straight face instead of saying that because remember you're being a little difficult a little bit of a challenge you're gonna say have you ever told you how beautiful your lips are and how sexy you look you're just saying that it's just complimented on something else remember feminine energy grows through praise so in that moment she's trying to see if you really do care about her I'm really mad you didn't call me on my birthday it was like you know what goddammit you should buy a [ __ ] plane ticket and come and see me so we can celebrate your birthday properly what are you free when you free to come visit me I want to see you I miss you we're a hold you want to kiss you I miss touching you he says at that point I felt things could escalate into an arguement old programming dude think about what you're presupposing here it's going to go into an argument instead of being playful and fun you're probably trying to justify your actions that's the only reason she would raise their voice and get pissed off is because when a woman gets pissed off of [ __ ] in those moments it's because she's hurt and the more you try to use logic and reason to justify why what you did is okay and more pissed off for the more [ __ ] she's going to get because she's trying to communicate that you're not making her feel special he didn't make you certainly didn't make her feel special by blowing off her birthday he says that that he says I bannard again and things escalated down and she was playful again so I asked her when she was free to meet up she gave me uh I'll let you know with a frustrated tone coming back that's what you say come on that sounded kind of grouchy that kind of sound like you didn't really mean that it's like what happened to that sweet girl that I fell in love with all those all those months and years ago what happened where is she how do we how do I talk to her I don't recognize this person that I'm talking to you right now he says I told her cool give me a call when you figure it out and we talked no more than 15 minutes in total he says here's where I'd like your help I'm building my emotional muscle it's been was five weeks that I haven't heard from her and I could feel myself become fearful thanks to your work though I know what I'm feeling and what actions I should take though at times I want to call her really bad I know if I call her it will be from a point of vulnerability and I'm sure that I most like likely won't get what I want well she obviously hasn't called you because she's pissed off and she's like screw you he's that's another thing you don't want a woman who gets pissed off and punishes you by not calling you and not being sweet she suppress opposes the words plus she's in Exeter's and it's really hard to overcome that stuff with somebody that you did a lot of screwing up with in the past he says I'd rather I'd rather go to you for enlightenment to become a better me than it repeats um my same old patterns what do I do it's scary walking away how did you get over that fear that they might never come back well sometimes they don't come back and it happens he says she's back in less than a week and somehow since in the past I haven't gone more than four weeks without breaking and calling her I feel that this is a test to see if I'm really what I'm putting out there see that's the thing you never really walked away you walked away and then three or four weeks ago by than you would [ __ ] Cape walking away and never looking back means walking away and never looking back but she's probably gotten used to you doing that and usually what she does is she punishes you by ignoring you like this and what happens you come running after her obviously when we went through that you you didn't really handle things appropriately but that was a month and a half ago it doesn't [ __ ] matter at this particular point in time besides she's an ex-girlfriend and you got other women that you're dating and hooking up whether you're doing quite well with them so what I would do is nothing I mean it's been five weeks at this point it takes two to make a relationship work and she got pissed off at you you try to be sweet and she stayed angry and butthurt about it do you really want to get back together with something with a shitty attitude like that I can tell you what the girlfriends I've had last ten years numb act that way none of them would do this kind of [ __ ] if they got mad at me are they upset we would talk about it and we would talk it out they wouldn't give me the silent treatment the ones I'm still friends with this day they would never treat me like this ever those kind of girlfriends I use I don't talk to them anymore they're not in my life in any way shape or form and so what I would do if I were you because it's already been five weeks just keep walking you may you'll probably never hear from again who [ __ ] cares maybe you would hear from Regan so what besides she's off a college somewhere in a completely different part of the country and you're dating women that are near you now that are physically in the same city as you I would spend your time with them and let this chick go if she ever reaches out to you should be like hey babe it's really great to hear from you I'd love to see you when are you free to get together and make a date maybe when she's home for the holidays maybe she breakdown and in touch with you you've never held out long enough to see that she would do that besides you're the one that got dumped remember when a woman ditches you unilaterally decides to leave your relationship you got to wait for her to come back and make an effort because if she willing to come back and make an effort it's a moot point because you did all the begging I will plead and all that stuff and it didn't get you anywhere gotta let it go man so let's get a second emails guy says hey coach thanks for all your advice in your info that you give to us guys you're welcome it's my purpose my pleasure he says my ex-girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me back in November and I was really devastated when she told me that I I could not figure out why she wanted to break up with me I thought that our relationship was a perfect one there's lots of guys out there that are in your boat dude they never saw it coming he says I was hurt and trying to figure out what was going on a few days after she broke up with me I get this email from her about what happened and she basically explained the situation that she was having I became one of those people that you talk about your book I already have a girlfriend and it's time to sit from the TV and do nothing so you became lazy and complacent in your relationship and you stopped dating and courting your girlfriend you stopped making her feel special he says she also told me that I was not a gentleman which she was right and I never opened the door I never got roses or did anything sweet for her and I was not being man enough it also tells me that you really weren't that into her guys when they're trying to get an ex back never think about that they just completely ignore the fact that they pretty much blew her off he says I feel bad because she was right about it all all about the things that she mentioned I had girlfriends in the past but most of them are just to have fun and meet new people but my ex has something I've never seen a woman before she's my height which is six foot she's a good-looking girl great body fun full of energy I bump into your YouTube videos about a week ago and I really liked all of the info that you share but before I had seen your videos and your book I was the feminine guy I was looking for her texting her and I even taken taken lunch to her job which I never did when we were together and had lunch with her and I would just play it cool all the time even though I was dying inside of me back together so you tried being the gay male girlfriend that obviously didn't work out too well he says and then I bump into your videos in your book and I started reading it I had found that I've been doing all these things wrong and I was not being a three-percent man but anyways three days ago she sends a text saying that she could not see me anymore and that she needed time well you're smothering her that's the only reason why woman does is because you're pursuing too much you're smothering too much women don't say things like that the guys that they're in love with and that they're chasing and they have a hard time getting ahold of because he's so busy he says I was prepared for the text and I went told her that not to worry that I totally understand where she's coming from and we wouldn't see each other and I also told her that when she's ready to call and maybe I'll be around he says I'm not sure if that was a correct thing you say well I would have just said hey well I'm not really interested in having some space but you need some space take all the time you need and give me a call when you figure things out or when you get your head together and we can see each other then I got a run I'll talk to you later sweetheart I look forward to hearing from you he says now this morning she sent me a text saying that she had passed all of her exams both of us go to the same college and I waited for a while to text her and say congratulations and I wish her all the best five minutes passed by and then another text saying that she knows that she will ask me to give her time and not see each other but I shouldn't stop from texting her calling her because she wants to know about me she's basically saying hey please keep chasing me because I think that'll make me like you more in the future this is a woman that doesn't really understand her own behavior and what causes attraction a lot of women don't understand this stuff is why I want to raise why I have a lot of women to follow me because it really helps them understand why they're attracted to certain guys and why they let guys jerk them around even though deep down they know they're not good for them you can understand why you do what you do then you have the opportunity to direct your own actions and take your focus and not just get caught up and let your emotions run your life or get hijacked by them it gives you your own power back your own personal power back and then we should grab lunch sometime [ __ ] lunch and I went to play cool like nothing happened in my response was sure let me know when you have time and I'll see if I can make that happen absolutely [ __ ] not don't do any lunches she's trying to firmly keep you in friendzone as a backup he says I know she still loves me well that's what you're thinking she loves you so much that she broke up with you and she tells you she needs time away from you think about that dude and we used to really think about that you'll think about how ridiculous that statement is that you made he's but she's afraid to get back with me knows she's got a low level of attraction for you bro because you turned her off by your feminine behavior he says I know she is starting to see other guys and I know she went out with a guy already and I'm madly in love with her now here's my question should I have been the one to give her a call to set up a lunch [ __ ] no you don't make lunches dude lunches are for gay male girlfriends lunches are for guys who like having blue balls don't [ __ ] do it make dates in the evening that can lead to sex treat her like your lover don't be treating her like your friend or should I wait for her to call me exactly in your particular case you do nothing wait to hear from her when she reaches out assume she wants to see you and then make a date hang out have fun and hook up like when she sends you you know she told you she sent you a text that hey I want to see right now I just basically I want you to pursue me in other words I want you to act like more of a friend [ __ ] that no [ __ ] way and he'll wait to hear from her when you do be like hey great to hear from you I'd love to see you when you're free to get together next and make a date hang out have fun hookup keep it really simple so if you'd like to help my help personally the quickest way is the book paid phone Skype or email coaching you can choose any one of those three options by going to my website click the products tab on any page of my website which will be at the top of your screen and just follow the instructions and I will talk to you soon you

Channel: Coach Corey Wayne

Views: 351,336

Rating: 4.8711896 out of 5

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Id: Z99GwAD_JY0

Length: 24min 25sec (1465 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 12 2013