how to: GET THROUGH A BREAKUP

I'm literally going to die [Music] hey guys and welcome back to my channel hope you guys are doing well I don't know if it's that time of year but I feel like so many people are going through a breakup I get messages on a daily even after I decided that I was already gonna talk about this topic I feel like every day so I'm telling me about the situation I just want this video to be a heart to heart I know it says how-to but I've made about three videos about getting over a breakup what to do when you're hurting I think this video I just want to kind of let you guys know that it is okay and that you're going to be okay I don't want you guys to feel like you're crazy because you're feeling this way breakups is like somebody dying somebody that you used to know dying and it's even worse because they're not dead you still have to see them you still have to know that their existing you still have to know that they may be moving on with their life maybe they're dating someone else so it's even worse than someone dying at least if they die they're gone right but no this person this ex is still there to torment you and I know there's different scenarios when it comes to breakups the guy broke up with you or you broke up with him or you guys decided mutually that you guys were gonna go your separate ways or the guy does when ghosts it's like really hard as well well however and whatever you guys that are watching this video may be going through a breakup and I just want to be there to support you and say that you're gonna get through this I know it seems so difficult right now I know your heart is breaking I know your heart is hurting you right now and you feel like can anything be worse than this but I know that you guys are strong and I you've been through worse than this and you've overcome it and I think sometimes when were in the mix or something we feel like I'm gonna die like I'm literally going to die because you can't see anything getting bail you can't see any way out of this I want to let you guys know that you're gonna get out of this we've all been there we've all had to let go of somebody or we've all been let go of unfortunately it is just a way of life and I guess my intention this video is really to validate its pain and let you guys know that you're not crazy you're not crazy is real when feelings are involved gets real okay and the pain that you're feeling is justified and I want to show you why when you get into a relationship with somebody yeah technically you guys become one okay well you guys were together for ten years fifteen years five years five months five weeks you made the unconscious decision to join yourself of that person and when you join yourself or someone this is what happens you probably can't see where the first paper starts and the second paper begins you have been joined so I took two pieces of paper and I glued them together this has only been together for about four hours but the longer you leave them glue together the more damage and I'm gonna show you guys what happens when you go for a breakup so two that are now one I hope you guys can see this I hope you guys can see this this one look at this one look at this one this is usually to go in a relationship okay because like I said in my last video the women are nurturers by nature when we give our heart to you we give our whole hearts which is why it hurts so much so this one represents your heart right now this is you you've still got pieces of the other person literally stuck to you and that person has also taken parts of you away with them you've even got parts of the person still stuck to you and when you're trying to tear that off you're also tearing yourself so that was a simple illustration to let you guys know what actually happens when you go for a breakup okay and the reason why it hurts so much is because you are literally trying to separate two glued together pieces of paper and I'm not going to in this video go into the whole soul ties I have a video on that I filmed emotionally sexually physically you're joined and so the hard part to get yourself back to get you back and the problem is with dating and going into Asian ships and dating and go into relationships is that the more you keep join in yourself to somebody else and then you break up and then you join yourself to somebody else and then you break up and then you join yourself somebody else and then you break up what's left of your heart to give to anybody and so my goal of this video is to get you back to you when you are in a relationship you give the other person the key to your emotions yeah you do you give that up a person the key to your emotions they can either unlock it or close it and they have the power that's why when they do something you're triggered when they don't do something you're triggered you gave that person the key to your emotions and so getting through and I like to say getting through a breakup not getting over it because no one can just like hop skip and jump over it you have to go through it's literally a process and check out my video and I explained the whole process of a breakup to give you more understanding basically where this video we're dealing with you and we're dealing with your heart firstly I want to give you guys permission to cry if you need to cry me a river cry if you need to take a day of work if you need to take some time out for yourself if you need to no one should make you feel stupid for feeling the way you do your feelings matter and you know one of the worst things about a breakup especially if you're not a serious relationship you build this dream of your future with that person but that person being in it your plans that you made for your future was always including this person so what happens when you plan then the rest of your life of this person when you plan to get married when you plan to be engaged to have children to start a family what happens when that dream is literally crushed and the Bible says one of my favorite scriptures I would say that but the Bible says Hope deferred makes the heart sick literally the sickness that you're feeling the love sickness that you're feeling is a yearning for what was supposed to be isn't anymore what was meant to be but isn't anymore you're literally mourning not just the present but also the future you planted that person it's tough that is so hard it's so so so hard and I kind of want to speak a little bit about rejection especially if you're the one that's been dumped but don't get me wrong even if you're the one that did the breaking up you can still feel rejected I think in those circumstances we as women we are natural nurturers so we may feel the propensity to go back and to kind of soothe him and be like oh you know I still love you and I really hate that this happened and I try and like coddle him but I need you to understand that he's going to be okay you're not his mom and you don't need to be a therapist let him mourn you in peace and this is why a lot of us break up with somebody and we go back and we go back and we go back and if it's not you doing the coddling it's the other person doing the coddling too so a guy may break up with you and still message you and still text you and still be like are you okay that doesn't mean that they want to intentionally play and mess up your emotions I think when the love is there and when they genuinely loved you or they genuinely had feelings for you it does not go away overnight so them texting you them checking up on you does not necessarily mean they want to start a relationship with you again they are probably just concerned about your well-being but because your emotions are still involved you are vulnerable and you are vulnerable to getting and receiving mixed messages I don't need to flip-flop back into that old routine because I know from experience when you break up with someone there's always that gray area okay and that gray area is okay I still love you I still care about you there's still feelings involved we may still be in each other's lives because we go to the same church we go to the same school University we have the same friends group and it's that great area or how do I now relate to you apart from you right how do I now relate to this person differently because it's no longer this it's more like this and I think that's the hard part but when you keep going backwards and forwards backwards and forwards backwards and forwards you are actually slowing down the healing process and it may feel good at the time or I brought his attention back oh he really does care about me oh he really does love me no you're slowing down the process because the break-up is inevitable if something isn't working it just isn't working okay so you rip flopping and going back and going back and going back and pain it's this dance like this you're slowing down the healing process you're gonna have to go through what I'm talking about now the break-up process if not now in a few weeks in a few months okay because the break-up is inevitable you just have to learn to let go let go let go let him go let it go and a lot of people feel like blocking someone I used to love is like a bit extreme but you have to take extreme measures because love emotions feelings are so complicated one day you may feel like the next day you may feel up I love him let me call him let me text him let me stop his Instagram let me just send him one more message let me reassure him that I really did have feelings for you let me reassure him that this was real you don't need to any of that sometimes the block button is your best friend that does not mean you hate them that does not mean you're bitter it just means you're protecting and guarding your heart guard your heart and some people may say oh it's easier said than done everything is easier said than done but once you make up in your mind and you make a decision that this is going to be its I'm not going backwards and for this I'm letting this guy out of my system you can fully move on and heal so if you're not gonna block them create boundaries no you can't call me stop calling me stop texting me I'm trying to get over you leave me alone I have to unfollow you because every time I see you it brings back old feelings and it's stopping my person sometimes guys are so selfish that they wouldn't make cake and eat it they know they'd broken up with you but they still want you to be around they still want to be able to cool you to access your life but it doesn't work like that honey you need to tell him it don't work like that you made your decision you made your bed now lay in it and sometimes you have to do that for them because they're not gonna do it for you because most of the time all they can think about is themselves and their feelings and what they want and so you must now and so you oh my lord you must make a decision for them and exit the situation so boundaries boundaries boundaries the less you see or somebody the less feelings you will have for that person okay it's not gonna be helpful no matter how much you wouldn't try and trick yourself no matter how much you want to try and play yourself and be like I spy and I can still follow him on Instagram I can still watch your stories I'm not gonna feel anything away don't deceive yourself don't fool yourself okay we're not that strong especially in the initial stages you're not going to be strong you're not going to be strong in the initial stages okay you are very vulnerable okay you are becoming strong but you are not strong okay so don't play yourself okay do what needs to be done and I can't tell you what it is maybe for some people it's a block maybe for some people it's a unfollow I can't tell you what to do but you know what for you you know what boundaries you need to take in order for you to flare came out of your system and I want you guys to know that time is a healer it literally is a healer even though right now you feel like how the hell am I gonna function about this person how am I going to live without this person baby girl you're living baby girl you will live you will meet someone else that is compatible that will not leave that will not reject you that will not treat you that way and sometimes it's not even negative sometimes people just don't work out sometimes things just don't work out and let me just say this because not all breakups are bad sometimes you guys are mutually decide this is not working let's go our separate ways I think sometimes that's the worst because a person didn't necessarily do anything wrong so you're like I can't even be mad at him and creating boundaries is not because you're mad at somebody creating bounded is to protect your heart and you have to think about you right now and my concern is not him my concern is you right now okay so I'm speaking to you do what needs to be done to protect your heart cause you guys know I'm big on this and my whole channel is based on this whole thing and it's about self it's about self esteem and it's about self okay controlling a thing that you can control you're not in control of what happened you're not in control of what he thinks or what he's feeling you're only in control of yourself and wait well before I get into this let me talk about rejection per second I believe with my whole heart man's rejection is cause protection you may feel like this person rejected me I'm not good enough I'm not pretty enough I'm not skinny enough I'm not lighting up I'm not dark enough all this kind of stuff you may feel like that on the surface and maybe how it looks like on a higher level on a spiritual level God was protecting you from something you may not know what it is but trust me God's ways are higher than our ways what we see with our eyes right now is not it okay so once your perspective changes and you realize that God's intention for you is good and it is pure he will never take something out of your life that you need he will never take something away from you that is yours if he took it away it's because it's not yours if you took it away it's because he has something better for you trust him what is yours will be yours Point Blank period you can rest in the fact that whatever is going to be yours will not leave you if it leaves it means it's making room for what is actually yours believe that and so when we go through a breakup it's very important that we get back to self we get centered and we realize who the hell we are okay remember who the hell you are remember who the hell you are do not let any man break you you're stronger than that you're better than this you are better than this you have to control trust me don't allow your mind to go to oh I am NOT this enough or I'm to Daiso I am too that wanted none of us are perfect yeah we all know that okay but this is not this is not the time baby girl just pointing out all the things that are wrong with you okay be kind to yourself be nice to yourself you are amazing okay yes you may have some imperfections but you are amazing and the reason that guy broke up with you is not because there's something wrong with you so get that out of your brain the reason he was with you in the first place because he saw something good in you okay the reason he even wanted to even be in a relationship with you is because there was something good in you okay so don't allow the rejection to make you feel less of yourself okay you are a queen you are beautiful you are lovely you are lovable you are amazing okay you are amazing you are amazing cry but put your crown back horn after you finish crying okay even if the guy has moved on which they surely do okay I learned this week by going on live with mr. London he said the reason a guy moves on super-quick is because he had probably already checked out of the relationship long before he broke up with you and he may even have been talking to someone who had his eye on someone before so you may see I like that guy may have checks out a long time ago okay so I don't know why I'm saying that but maybe it's gonna help someone on here whatever yourself to damage yourself anymore you're already hurt you're already vulnerable you ready open don't shoot yourself it don't hurt yourself take some time for yourself it's time to get back to you okay time to get back to who you are who you were before you met this person what take your time it's going to take time to get back to that place okay love yourself take care of yourself protect yourself do not give that responsibility to anybody else what we tend to do as women what we tend to do in general and especially those of us who are relationships we give that other person control of our happiness we look to that person to take care of our needs when you go for a breakup you now need to take care of your own needs and that can be so tough by the way we expect way too much from other people by the way we expect way too much from other people we expect other people to meet their needs we're supposed to be meeting in their own lives we expect so much love so much support from other people because we are not giving it to ourselves let that sizzle in your spirit you're looking for someone else to give you what you need because you're not giving it to yourself when you start giving you yourself the things that you need okay attention love support affirmation when you start giving that to yourself you all look to other people but you won't look to them to tell you what you already should be telling yourself the amount of times I use the word yourself is so funny because it is all about you all about you it all starts tops and ends of you you are in control of every single thing that happens in your life you may not be in control of what happens to you but you guys complete total control of how you respond the life is 5% what happened to you 95% how you respond to it how you choose to react to it okay no one else bought you so give yourself the care and the attention that you need and firm yourself it is going to be okay I'm going to be fine this too shall pass go of your friends take a vacation one thing that happens when rumination ships is we forget about everybody else okay some people do I'm that person okay so go back to your friends pay comfy and your friends have fun have some good clean on regrettable spun okay cause like I talked about in my video if you're hurt you should have me dating don't rebound remember I said this do not rebound that's the least wrong thing you can do that's the weakest thing that you can do and it's also very selfish do not bring anybody else into your mess okay vacuum the mess get rid of the mess so that you're able to go into a new relationship free I'm able to give and not selfish like fill my void don't do that he'll he'll he'll and it's gonna take time and I'm not saying that every relationship and smoothly sometimes you have a really really rough breakup and what helped me is so I went for a breakup in 2017 again I don't talk about it that much because it was short but it was deep and I was very angry I was just really mad and angry I don't know if I was angry at him I was angry at myself probably both but I decided to write a poem I will call about him it was literally a letter of disgust and I don't know I could do poetry until I started to write this so I think I'm gonna end with this I'm gonna let you guys into my um letter to my ex let me get into that angry zone you're so disappointing thank you for showing your true colors again I really did have hope that this time things would be different but you are not different it's becoming very clear to me when I give you too much rope you hang yourself you don't know what to do this love so you sabotage it your f boy who runs and hides I need a man who's strong who stands and fights will confront an altercation head-on and not duck and hide I'm too good for you and you know this but I thank God for intervening each time I don't blame you because I asked God to leave me and deliver me from evil and each time he delivered me from you so I'm not angry though I should be but God told me you are not in control of your life I am but I didn't listen I thought it'd be cute to hang out with you one last time I love your company I just wanted to fill your arms again get some of that old-time loving but it's okay love isn't always physical sometimes not be saying no don't touch me one day I'll meet a guy who shows his love who touch last because I'll look in his eyes and have no doubt that he loves me because he'd give his right eye to see me happy unfortunately he is not you and you are not him because you are selfish you care only about your needs it would have been nice to see you one last time but it's okay friend have a good time I will be distancing myself from you need to guard my heart again but at this time with walls and bolts and chains to keep you out I will be strong I have to be strong strength is all I have I wish you good things only sad we couldn't be friends but I guess it's for the best good luck so that was my poem that I wrote to my ex when I broke up in 2017 and really and truly it really helped me to get some my aggression out because sometimes guys are just so disappointing but we play us up because we know what kind of guy is and we still take the bait we still take the bait but that little for me was really important because it was about me letting go and I had to let go of him actually wrote like five other ones I've been actually really good but it was about me letting go of him getting him out of my system and maybe that's what you need to do maybe you need to write a letter to your ex and this video that I watched by iyanla Vanzant it was a thing that you had to do this called a relationship autopsy and it was basically just you evaluating the relationship up to the downs what you could learn better walking like that so I'm gonna go down below I think it'd be really really beneficial for you guys to actually really evaluate your issue I mean I'm very analytical so maybe it works for me I don't know about you guys but I think when I mix down on people you're able to go back to it and read it and just take it in and absorb it okay so yeah that's that this is a shout out to my it's my favorite this is the shattered [Music] you

Channel: Breeny Lee

Views: 694,628

Rating: 4.9747233 out of 5

Keywords: breeny lee, breeny lee breakup, breeny lee self worth, how to get over a breakup, how to: get through a breakup, break up, get over your ex, my ex dumped me, why men go ghost, what men want, relationships, divorce, STEPHAN SPEAKS, derrick jaxn, getting over divorce, getting back with your ex, relationship breakdown, healing after heartbreak, healing after heartbreak stephan labossiere, the school of life, why did they leave me, being dumped by my girlfriend

Id: 9Jo1rSII6vU

Length: 25min 12sec (1512 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 19 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

Thanks for sharing this❤️ Makes me feel better and I really like her use of scripture