If you got stuck in a remote Alaskan
village that hungry vampire’s descended upon, what would you do?
In this How to Beat video, we’ll follow Barrow’s townsfolk, see if we can
make better decisions, and ultimately attempt to beat the Bloodthirsty Vampires in, 30 Days of
Night. If you think you have a better way, let me know in the comments! If you like these how to
beat videos, consider liking and subscribing.
We start out getting a little backstory on a
town full of innocent people who’re about to be massacred. It’s a real town called Barrow, Alaska
with about 4000 residents. They go on to say it’s the Northernmost town in Alaska surrounded by 80
miles of roadless wilderness, and that for 30 days of their winter season, it’s completely
cut off from the rest of the world.
Since it’s a real town, I think we can dig up some
more background on it that might be helpful.
The movie is correct about it being the
Northernmost town, as well as having 80 miles of roadless snowy tundra between it
and the next closest town, but their point about the town being completely cut off for
30 days of the polar night is incorrect.
Because the town is isolated by roadless
tundra and resupply by truck is treacherous, the only real way the town gets food and supplies
is by plane. Every ounce of food is flown in, which is why flights to Barrow are
completed using planes that are half passenger seats and half cargo space. Multiple
flights come in and out of Wiley Post-Will Rogers Memorial Airport on a daily basis, and they
don’t stop because it’s dark outside.
Boats do supply the town as well, but only
in the summer when the ice surrounding the coast is broken and melted enough.
It is possible for trucks to make the drive to neighboring towns in the winter polar nights
when the tundra is frozen solid. It’s risky, but if there was an emergency and a bad storm grounded
all aircraft or all the pilots were murdered, you could make it out of town to get help.
This is good news for our protagonists, because they aren’t as cut off
from the world as they think.
It’s not all good news though, the polar night
is not 30 days long as the movie suggests, it’s actually over 60 days long.
The vampires have twice the time for their feeding frenzy. I don’t think the
vampires will need this much time though, if they do things right, they likely could suck
out everyone's blood in less than a week. I might play both sides on this one because the vampires
undoubtedly are going to do dumb shit.
A mysterious ship arrives at the coast,
probably around the Elson Lagoon area which would be remote enough that nobody would
see the ship. They likely chose this area because if the ship was seen, people would
be suspicious of it. Like we talked about, normal ships need to wait until a
narrow window of time in the summer when the ice is melted enough for the ship to
get close enough to drop supplies off.
The next morning Josh Hartnett and Crixus find
a bunch of satellite phones torched in the snow. For all they know, it could just be
thieves, vandals, or pranksters.
With some of the townsfolk on the
fictional last flight out before the fictional 30 day polar night, the strange
happenings in the small town continue. Someone is shanking all the sled dogs.
I get the vampire’s strategy of eliminating any transportation or communication out of the town,
but killing sled dogs? Is that really important at this stage? What dumb son of a bitch would try to
escape a vampire attack on a dog sled with a bunch of howling Alaskan Malamutes pulling some dude
at a breakneck speed of 5 miles per hour.
The vampire’s next objectives are to have the
human destroy the town’s helicopter and cell tower right before the polar night begins.
I gotta commend the vampire’s here, destroying most of the satellite phones first
before destroying the cell tower was key. If they had destroyed the cell tower first,
obtaining and destroying the satellite phones would have been much more difficult since it’s the
only remaining means of communication and people will hold onto them tightly. The sat phones being
destroyed wouldn’t raise any immediate red flags, and then all you’d need to do to cut the town’s
comms is take out the single cell tower.
Shortly after losing comms with the outside world,
the town will send people out to get help via plane or helicopter, so disabling these aircraft
quickly is important. Once that option is off the table, the townsfolk will resort to sending
some truck drivers to nearby towns to get help. I don’t think the vampires would need to
worry about a mass exodus 2 fast 2 furious style because it’s risky and there’s no need if
you only need a few drivers to make the trip. While it’s a roadless tundra, i’m sure there
are established routes in and out of town. All you’d need to do is have some vampires
guard these routes and kill any escapees.
The next problem is the daily resupply flights.
This is a tough one. If you destroy the landing planes, the airlines will be alerted
immediately. It might take a few days of no contact and planes being destroyed
for the National Guard to be called in, but a few hundred soldiers with Blackhawks showing
up will definitely ruin the vampire party.
Damaging the runway could be a way to get the
town to suspend flights for a while, but when the town survives on that runway, it’ll get fixed
quickly. As a vampire attacking this town, I’d say realistically the feast can only last maybe a week
max before your welcome is overstayed. But this is a fictional world where no flights come and go for
a month, so let’s continue with that premise.
The remaining problem is world awareness
of your vampirical existence. As a vampire, you don’t want the world to know about
your existence because 4chan will find you and the military will kill you. This is a
difficult task because every person you bite or slash gets infected with the vampire virus,
which spreads evidence of your existence.
Leaving bodies in the open where
the sunlight will vaporize them after the polar night ends won’t work, because
you need to be out of town within a week, and the polar night lasts a couple months.
I think that if you cut off comms and transportation like they did, destroy any planes
that land, kill everyone as fast as you can, then on the last day of the week, burn the village
down which will destroy any evidence as well as flush out the remaining victims who you can kill
and toss into the fire, you should be good.
People are going to be suspicious as
to what caused everyone to die and the town to burn down, but nobody will
suspect it was a vampire pack.
Their current plan is a bit over the top and
risky. They could just visit the coastal towns and abduct a few people from each town per
year. Then harvest their blood on their ship for the rest of the year before killing
them and abducting a few more the next year. It’s not crazy that few people might go
missing from each town once out of the year due to wolves or polar bear attacks. This is
just a much more long term sustainable strategy, and sustainable living is really what we’re
after right, not some one time gluttonous feast that destroys the town causing
you to be deprived for decades.
Back to the movie. So the vampire human
shanked some dogs, and Stella's trying to make the fictional last flight out
before no more flights for 30 days.
How the hell does that even happen. You're on
a lunar landscape with open sightlines. Well, Stella’s not getting to the airport in time.
Eben sends Billy to go pick Stella up while he chats with the owners of the murdered dogs.
Maybe this dude just pissed someone off.
Back at the Sheriff’s office, reports are
coming in about a vandal at the Utilidor. That’s not good. Utilidors typically carry lines
for electricity, steam, water supply, sewage, communications, and other important stuff.
This is a small town with low crime and most people know each other. These events all happening
on the same day is strange. It’s likely it’s one pissed off person. It might be wise to contact
neighboring towns to let them know that you are having issues with people attempting to
destroy essential systems, and that you may need assistance if communications go down.
With all that’s happening, and with no aircraft at the airport, I'd be worried about someone
vandalizing the cell tower and gas stations.
Stella missed the last flight out for the month.
I’m guessing they are anticipating a storm arriving that would ground the planes, because
otherwise flights should still be arriving.
Down at the Utilidor, one of the men mentions that
his helicopter was scrapped and the parts tossed into the muffin monster. God those things are
terrifying. All it takes is one simple mistake, like a loose shoelace you trip on, and all
your memories, hopes, dreams, your love for your family, your connection to your community,
all gets instantly grinded up into a red pulpy soup which’s flushed down the sewage pipes.
I think by now it’s reasonable for Eben to realize that someone is purposefully removing any
communication or transportation out of town. I’d be trying to contact all the other vital utility
managers to take precautions, and radioing nearby towns and the national guard that they may be in
trouble if the vandals destroy the cell tower too because they won’t be able to call for help.
Not that it will matter. Oh come on, who would actually go outside after hearing that noise. If
you go to check some weird occurrence out, you better have a plan for how to deal with it
if your worst case scenario comes true.
I mean yah, he doesn’t know there are
vampires outside, but there are still polar bears and wolves that kill humans from time
to time. It’s just not wise to go wandering out into the snowy abyss by yourself with no weapons
when you heard some animalistic shrieking outside. Seriously, what the hell is this guy going to
do if a polar bear or pack of wolves show up. He’s going to get mauled, drug off into the
snowdrift, and turned into wolf shit.
Pretty much just like that, except he’s
getting turned into vampire shit. That said, it never really mattered what this dude did
anyways. The first person to realize there’s a problem is usually in trouble, especially if that
problem is a pack of blood sucking vampires.
I know I don’t have much room to talk, but c’mon,
the apocalypse hasn't even started yet bro. Pump the breaks a bit. And you’re not
even a vampire, just a wannabe who’s likely being played for a fool and who will
definitely get sick from eating raw meat.
Eben finds the new guy in town causing trouble, a
likely suspect for all the shenanigans going on. A tussle ensues, which is promptly ended by
Stella putting a gun to the man’s head.
Thanks and all, but Stella, you do realize
that the gun is pointed at my head too, and if you pull that trigger the bullet
will go through his head and into mine. Maybe come around to the side so
i’m not in the line of fire.
I'd take that seriously. This dude was likely
the one cutting off the town's transportation and communication. The good news is this dipshit can’t
keep his mouth shut, so Josh needs to interrogate him to figure out his motives and what’s
going on. Best case this guy is just a loon, but what’s the worst case?
Damn, these vampires are freaky fast. That kind of
speed and strength is nearly impossible to counter without firearms and expert marksmanship. Hand to
hand combat is pretty much a death sentence.
So far nobody in town has been able to
identify the problem and sound the alarms because the Vampire’s have been doing a good job
of stealthily knocking off isolated people.
Eben interrogates the man, asking how he got
into town, because clearly he's not from here. Is that really an important question to ask
right now? I think figuring out his motive and if he has friends is more important. The
interrogation is interrupted when the phone lines and internet go down.
Either that’s pure coincidence, or this guy has friends with ill intentions too.
Eben should be considering the latter.
Time to lock and load. Whoever these people
are, whatever they are up to, they slaughtered someone’s dogs, so at minimum they are armed and
dangerous. And with no rescue efforts available and limited resources, you should stock up,
find shelter and weapons, and watch your back. No help will arrive if something bad happens
or a dipshit runs into you with a backhoe.
Come on Eben, there is no way you should be as
nonchalant about this as you are, what happened to having a healthy level of paranoia. Eben decides
to check out the cell tower situation by himself. I’m sorry, where is deputy Crixus again? I also
find it odd that the Sheriff’s office doesn’t have it’s own satellite phone they could use.
Hmm. Maybe the wind blew the tower down... or the polar bear's situation
is getting out of hand.
They are not fucking around anymore. Everything
before this was the covert setup phase. This is a declaration of war. Get back and tell
everyone to get out their guns and shelter in place because people are now being murdered
with their corpses put on public display.
Then, get your deputy and load
up yourself and start trying to hunt down whoever is doing this.
Yes! I’ve thought about this as a solution in some movies like the blob, because it’s just
such a good way to raise awareness quickly, but I always thought you’d seem crazy and nobody
would listen. I think the idea is always good, but people screw the execution up by sounding
crazy. You have to dial it back, so for example, even if you know it’s vampires, you just
say it’s serial killers or something.
Josh’s execution is solid, and considering he’s
the Sheriff and all the power and phone lines are out, his words are gonna carry weight.
His plan he’s disseminating is that whoever has a backup generator should head home,
and everyone else should go to the diner which has a backup generator itself.
Again, based on what they know at this point, that’s about the best plan you could offer.
Too bad it’s also woefully insufficient.
With how lightning fast and strong the vamps are, you don’t stand a chance unless they are
way out in the open or funneled into a chokepoint. These vampires can dive through
windows and smash through wood with ease. Racking a shotty and backing up to a concrete
or brick wall is most people’s best bet, but most of these little piggies only
have their stick houses to hide in.
Ebens dumbass brother falls for the
oldest prisoner trick in the book, which is to emotionally trigger someone
so they get close enough to grab. It’s a good thing Eben was on his way back to
save the day, because Stella just stood around useless while Jake was getting choked out.
Eben and Stella decide to ride out and look for the murderers, because deputy Billy
is on vacation apparently.
Stella was hauling ass when that dude jumped on,
I know the Vampires are fast, but that is insane. The fact that the dude caught up to them,
shrieked, and was out there in the snow drift and hadn’t frozen to death in the negative 20 degree
temps means some spooky shit is going on.
Back at the town, it doesn't look like the
shelter in place order helped much.
I think it’s underestimated how fast apocalypses
happen. You could have the best doomsday prepper setup, but if you’re at taco bell when shit
goes down, you aren’t making it. You’d be lucky to get half a Nacho Cheese Dorito Loco taco down
your gullet before a vamp breaks your car window and sinks their teeth into your neck.
Saying that just made me hungry. Back in the day when I would play video games until 3am, I'd
naturally get really hungry and go to Mcdonalds to get a 20 pack of nuggets and orange hi-c. But you
know what, I never let my guard down. Seatbelt on, car gear in reverse with my foot on the break,
windows up, parked in an area where you have open sightlines, 1 nugget 1 look procedure. My
point is that you gotta anticipate the worst case situation no matter what you’re doing,
and develop mental models and procedures for handling those situations.
I really hope I'm not the only one who from time to time thinks, what if all of
the sudden I heard a scream outside my home, looked outside, and zombies were ripping someone
apart. What would I do right in that moment?
I’m starting to wonder if something really
awful happened to me in my childhood that I'm currently repressing. Probably best not
to look into it, back to the movie.
Stella and Eben get back from their field trip.
There's blood everywhere and Jake and Helen are both gone. Judging by Helen’s screams on the
radio earlier, she’s already vamp food.
Jake must have ran for it while Helen, being
a slower old lady, got slaughtered. I see he took my advice from the end of my last video. That
leads me to my next semi-pro tip, always be faster than at least 1 person around you. If you are
the slowest person in the room, figure out a way to sabotage someone else who’s faster to buy you
time. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
The jail bro is now complaining that the vamp
god didn’t turn him into a vampire too, so he wants Eben to finish him off. Eben decides not to,
seemingly for moral reasons, but i’d like to add that it would be a terrible decision also because
a desk pop is going to attract unwanted attention from whoever, whatever is doing the killing.
The people that went to the diner are all freaking out, it seems like they know there are murderers
outside. What I don’t get is if you realize that the power is out with multiple attackers outside
killing people, why are you making so much noise, why do you still have the lights on and why
are you all sitting around casually with some morons sitting with their backs to the
windows. You might as well hang up a Krispy Kreme hot light and get on your knees.
The funny part is that the people at the diner are the smart ones. Everyone else
apparently decided the best course of action is to run outside like chickens who
can’t wait to get their heads cut off.
Everyone at the diner is lucky Eben shows up
and shuts the lights off before the vampires notice the one building in the middle of town
that’s glowing with lights when the power is out in every other house. He also locks the doors,
which might seem futile, but it’s actually a good call because the vampires would have to break
in which would give you slightly more time to react than if they were able to sneak in.
Eben proposes his plan to load up a truck with bear traps and flares to distract the vamps
while everyone else runs for a nearby house that has an attic which is only accessible
by a hidden pulldown ladder.
Honestly, I don’t think it’s a bad strategy
to create a diversion, like lighting a house's curtains on fire, while you sneak off to
your truck a block away. The vamps are fast, but by the time the fire became noticeable and
attracted the vamps, you’d have enough of a head start to where they couldn’t catch up to you.
If everyone else can hold out and stay hidden in the attic for a couple days, you might be
able to make it to the next closest town of Atqasuk, and use their airport and radio to
call for help from the National Guard.
Welp, things don’t seem to be
going according to their plan.
I get that vampires are fast, but stopping
an SUV going 35 mph is ridiculous. With that speed and strength a gunshot to
the head is definitely your only chance.
Well I guess that works too. I think we can go
ahead and wave that citation from earlier.
So they can catch a suv
going 30-40 miles per hour, but not josh and stella running on foot, k.
The only explanation for this incongruence is that the vampires are hunting them for fun, and
they let the humans go for a little chase.
Our band of survivors make it to the hidden
attic where they can take a nice slow deep breath and let how fucked they are really sink in.
I’m sorry, where have you been the past 6 hours.
Let’s walk down the vampire lore stat sheet that anyone would know.
Super fast. Super strong. Voracious appetite for human blood. Shrieky sounds. Sharp teeth.
Black eyes. Intelligent. I’d say they check out. At least they acknowledge that vampires
exist, that’s better than most movies.
Their plan is to take shifts, ration food,
and hold out until the polar night ends.
Based on the movie's fictional 30 days of night,
and Alaska Airlines halting flights for a month, this is probably the best strategy
unless something changes.
Based on realistic circumstances where the polar
night lasts 60 plus days, and Alaska Airlines would continue to make flights to Barrow, the
strategy is pretty much the same. The airlines will notice there’s a problem and help will arrive
within the week. Unfortunately, there’s no way to signal to the plane that the town is under
siege and that landing is a death sentence. The first airline to land will be massacred.
Jail bro finally got his ticket to vampire heaven. Why would you even want to join
this type of vampires. They are dumb, ugly, and live in a busted as ship docked
in some isolated arctic island with no hot vampires or anything to do.
If it was the underworld variety, which has sophisticated culture, highly intelligent
citizens, superhuman physical abilities, aesthetic physiques, sustainable food
sources, incredible architecture and cities, and most importantly, hot vampires, I'd understand
his motives, but not these wild animals.
Outside they hear vamps searching nearby homes,
which means their current strat isn’t going to work for much longer. Especially with the old
man with dementia freaking out every 30 minutes. I hate to say it, but that man is a liability.
Even if they can keep him quiet should a vamp enter their home, and even if the attic ladder
is hidden, the vampires do have a heightened sense of smell which they could track you
down with if they got close enough.
Their new plan is to sneak over
to the general store for supplies, then make a second break for the utilidors
to hold out there. It’s not too far away, but with vampires potentially anywhere
outside it’s extremely risky.
Food will be a problem, but I think they should
try to hold out as long as humanly possible before risking going outside, or at least wait for an
opportunity. Maybe the vampire’s will get bored, something will provide a good distraction or
a whiteout storm will provide them with cover. I would also advise against going to any
supermarket or general store. These are prime targets for vampire’s to watch over as survivors
start to get hungry and run out of supplies. Raiding other houses is less risky.
Their combined body heat in the attic with blankets and coats should keep
them warm enough as well.
Going to the utilidor makes sense in some ways
because it’s a strong building with choke points you can guard with guns, but that’s only really
relevant if they have enough ammo to kill the attacking vamps, which they don’t. They’d have
to stop by the police station to get more ammo, which further increases the chances they get
caught on top of an already risky plan.
Is there anything else our
protagonists can do?
Trying to drive out of town is
clearly out of the question, but man, if only we had some sled dogs, right?
They could try sneaking into houses they heard the vampires search already because
they aren’t likely to search it again, but having your big group which includes
a man with dementia traverse open ground just isn’t worth it the risk. The new house might
not have super secret hiding spots either.
I think they should stay put in the attic, and
to prevent a vampire from sniffing them out, they could try to throw their scent off with
household chemicals like ammonia, vinegar, or bleach. This might be their best option.
You want to avoid getting into hand to hand combat at all costs, but should you need to, it’s better
to be wielding weapons with range. They could break some chairs up and sharpen the legs to use
to shank the vampires. The old wooden stake to the heart. You still have almost no chance, but you
have a better chance than using your fists.
Guns are the preferred means of vampire disposal,
but ammo is sparse, so you want to make sure whoever you’re with who has a gun doesn’t blow
their ammo like Russ did in The Crazies.
On the vampire front, they really should maintain
a perimeter around the town and start burning the buildings down to flush out any remaining
survivors. Manually searching each home is ineffective with only 10-20 vampires in your
tribe. You could search a house and then go to the next one, and humans could sneak over to the
house you just searched. By burning the houses down you eliminate their hiding places.
Day 7.. Wait, 7 days since the polar night started? Isn’t this the 1st day
of vampire attack. I guess time is hard to judge during the polar night.
No, we do not. That’s bait. Eben confirms this suspicion by looking through a peephole in the
attic and seeing a vampire on the rooftop behind her lying in wait. Stella, stella, stella,
you would have gotten killed right there had it not been for Eben.
Even if Eben didn’t spot the vampire, with the lady screaming and how fast the vampire's are,
there is no way you could get to her in time. The only reason this lady isn’t dead yet is
because the vampire’s are trying to get a 2 for 1. Even if you could rescue her, do you
really want a lady in the same attic as you, that thought walking in the middle of the
street yelling for help was a good idea?
