If you were driving through the New Mexican
desert with your family, stumbled into an old nuclear test site, and were ambushed by
deformed murderers, what would you do? In this How to Beat video, we’ll follow
a lost family, see if we can make better decisions, and ultimately attempt to beat the Cannibal
Mutants in, The Hills Have Eyes. Think you can do better or have a movie you’d
like me to cover, let me know in the comments! Enjoying these How to Beat videos, why not like and subscribe! Alright, let’s outsmart some deformed mutants. Maybe that’s a bit insensitive. It wasn’t their fault that the U.S. government
decided to secretly test nuclear weapons in the neighborhood. I did a little digging around on nuclear weapons
testing in America and the genetic effects of the fallout, and this story is not that
far fetched. The U.S. government did detonate a significant
amount of nuclear bombs in the New Mexico atmosphere. The restricted testing zones and containment
measures the government implemented usually underestimated the bomb's abilities, resulting
in fallout radiation contaminating surrounding vegetation, soil, water, wildlife, and local
inhabitants many miles away from the test sites. Apparently everyone in the contiguous United
States was exposed to some amount of fallout radiation over the decades of nuclear bomb
testing, but people just outside the test zone would have been exposed to significant
levels of radiation. Much of this was shrouded in secrecy, so what
we know is the watered down version. I’m not saying homicidal deformed mutants
were or could have been a thing, but it’s not ‘that’ crazy. The locals aren’t blameless. After the fourth incidence of large explosions
and bright lights in the sky which were passed off as chemical mill or ammunition dump explosions
by military officials, they should’ve thought about moving. Doesn’t take a genius to realize that after
the success of Hiroshima and Nagasaki the government would want to experiment further,
that the desert is prime nuke testing real estate, and that a derelict gas station attendant
a few miles south of the minimum restricted zone would be considered acceptable ‘collateral
damage’. Hell, I’d wager that they intentionally
found an area next to some nobodies in bumfuck nowhere so they could see what the effects
on human bodies were. That’s definitely not what I would have
done.. Radiation testing in the first couple decades
of nuke testing in populated areas was routine, but when you start to push out to the third
and fourth decade, that’s when the birth defects and genetic mutations kick in and
you start running into trouble. As expected, this test site was on or near
inhabited areas. My only real issue here is that the government
did a piss-poor job of accounting and managing the test subjects. You don’t leave loose ends like this. After you do decades of nuke testing and have
thoroughly mangled the genetic line of entire families, you collect your results, put a
bullet in each of their heads, and bulldoze their corpses into a big unmarked ditch. Maybe you want a little more plausible deniability,
in which case you could just shift the nuke test site a couple miles in their direction
and vaporize all the ‘evidence’. We start out following the owner of the last
gas station for 200 miles in the New Mexican desert, being harassed by the ‘locals’. If I’m understanding this correctly, this
guy provides water, supplies, support, or fresh meat, and in return the ‘locals’
hand him the victim’s loot. This is why when I plan trips, I exclusively
take routes populated with strong brand named gas stations. You just don’t have these problems at QuikTrip. Plus they have dope steak and cheese taquitos. Now the attendant wants out. Not gonna be so easy when the other party
relies on you for survival. If he wanted out, he should have figured out
a better solution. I doubt any cops venture this far out, so
he’s on his own. Honestly, he should just destroy the gas station,
poison the water well, and set up a tent in California. There’s no psycho mutants, there are other
people he can socialize with, there’s a beach, there’s no psycho mutants, it isn’t
a hundred and ten degrees out, there’s homeless shelters, and there’s no psycho mutants. Without him baiting fresh meat for the mutants,
they’d likely starve to death. Speaking of fresh meat, retired detective
Bob Carter and his wife Ethel are driving from Cleveland to San Diego for their wedding
anniversary. That's a 40 hour road trip, a lot of which
is through the desert. Some anniversary, Bob. You couldn’t splurge on a couple Frontier
Airlines economy class seats. It’d be like, 4 hundred bucks round trip
for the both of you. Your kids can pay for their own tickets or
drive themselves and meet you there. Maybe they are masochists and just like endlessly
long sweltering drives through desolate regions of the Earth with their children whining about
the lack of cell reception. In which case they should be able to just
follow I-40 all the way there. I'm not sure why they are detouring off of
I-25. There’s no reason to, it’s not even a
shortcut. While everyone is distracted, someone, something,
is snooping around the camper looking for some goodies. Is this little mutant girl a part of Sam Fisher’s
splinter cell, because either she’s got 3rd person view and sonar goggles or these
NPC’s have horrible line of sight and view cone ranges. Bobby boy’s got to go, and gets scolded
by his sister into using the outhouse instead of a plant. Bob, I'm with you, that outhouse has got to
be absolutely filthy and the plants could use some hydration. So Bobby’s an idiot. How on God’s forsaken Earth did you not
see the intestines and organic matter strewn everywhere ‘before’ sitting down, and
360 out of there. Not to mention there can't be any fresh TP
in there to lay on the toilet seat, so he’s bare assing pure filth. I just noticed this and my last video both
had people getting jumped in outhouses. More confirmation that remote outhouses are
death zones and should be used with utmost caution. Eh. Am I missing something? There's no I-88 in New Mexico. Either way, a former detective such as our
romantic Bob Carter should’ve been using maps to navigate and track their location
better so they didn’t get lost. I suppose there’s a good chance you’d
get lost out here and end up relying on a random gas station attendant for directions,
and there’s no reason to suspect them of harboring cannibalistic mutants. Their dog gets loose and runs off into the
convenience store, when Lynn chases her down, she finds a bag full of items that certainly
don’t belong to the esteemed owner of this joint. It’s clear something doesn’t smell right. Right before the family heads out, the attendant
gives them some last minute directions on a shortcut through the hills. Guess the deal with the devil is still on. If Lynn wasn’t there, there’d be no reason
not to trust this guy and take the shortcut. But Lynn was there. She saw the nice bag full of jewelry and electronics. There’s barely any customers around here
so he sure as shit didn’t buy them. He also doesn’t seem like the pearl necklace
type and there’s no misses around. Which all begs the question, where’d he
get them and how’d he get them? Lynn’s now in the backseat and he rolls
up and tells you all to take a path off the beaten road. I’d say that’s reason enough to tell Bob
it ain’t a good idea based on what you saw, and that if he didn’t mind the drive then
let’s just take the official scenic route. Taking unknown routes where there’s no traffic
or cell signal is reckless. Bob seems like a stubborn ass, so there’s
still a good chance he’d overrule you and take the shortcut. In Bob’s head he probably knew this was
dangerous but thought, eh, what’re the chances something bad actually happens to me. Well Bob, something bad did happen, and now
you're short on options. His plan is to hike 8 miles back to the gas
station by himself, while Doug hikes 5-6 towards the ridgeline to try and get a signal to truckers
on the freeway, while the rest camp out and wait. Reasonable enough, but with no cell signal,
treacherous terrain, venomous rattlesnakes, and sunset approaching, I think Doug and Bob
should both wait until morning to go to the gas station together. The gas station is potentially a 6 hour round
trip if things don’t pan out, and that’s based on Bob’s clearly shitty sense of distance
and direction. And nightfall is in a few hours. It’s too risky. It’d be nice to have someone with a gun
stay behind by the camper, but not if it’s a teenage boy that doesn’t understand the
first rule of gun safety. Damn Bob, you’re a cop, at least knock some
sense into him before handing him the gun. Doug’s more of the pacifist side, so he’s
not really an option. Their poor training of their dogs is really
showing. This is the second time they’ve run off
to random areas for no reason. You won’t be catching them, so just go back
and put some food out. Okay okay, yes if that was my dog i’d be
going after him regardless of whatever danger there was, even though It’d probably lead
to my demise. At least Bobby picked up a rock to use as
a weapon, that’s more than you could say for a lot of soon-to-be victims. He finds a blood trail that leads to every
dog owner's worst nightmare. The real fucked part is that she was gutted
with a knife. Someone evil is out here. This could easily be a trap and you could
be next. Should’ve brought that pistol homeboy. He then freaks out and frantically runs off
of a cliff, knocking himself unconscious. Tempting to criticise, but I guess I can see
that if you’re running from something and constantly looking back to make sure they
aren’t catching up to you, this could happen. It’s not looking good for lil Bobby. Doug summits the ridgeline, and instead of
finding a freeway he stumbles into what appears to be a car park situated inside a nuke crater. Okay so we aren’t even talking about the
wind carrying fallout outside the restricted zone, there are literally humans pitching
up tents inside the actual nuke craters. How is the military this negligent, and how
were those initial humans so stupid. This looks to be the Trinity Site in the White
Sands Missile Range. By 2006, this nuke testing site would be on
the map and if you were planning any travel through new mexico, you’d be taking a path
around it. The freeway isn’t even on the horizon. Can nobody read a map, for fucks sake. Detective Bob doesn’t even reach the gas
station until nightfall. When he goes inside looking for help, he finds
what Lynn found, plus the carton with the ear in it. It’s at this point, when he realizes that
his bad day was about to get a whole lot worse. Or as I like to say, his worst case scenario,
just became his best case scenario. This gas station attendant sure does keep
good records of everything that went down. I guess a bunch of miners didn’t want to
leave the test zone, so the military burnt their town to the ground and the families
fled into the hills and caves. I’d say he has the right idea to fire up
the old man's car and drive back, but the car doesn’t turn over. He hears the gas station attendants incoherent
whining coming from the outhouse and goes to check it out. I think I'd stay in the car and try to get
the engine running. Absolutely nothing good will come from checking
it out. There’s a number of things I could comment
on here, but I'm going to tackle the big one. Why would he choose a vile, putrid outhouse
to commit suicide in. Why not the comfort of his bed? Bob doesn’t even have time to regret his
decisions before creepy voices saying Daddy start originating from the darkness surrounding
him. He flips around letting 4 shots ring off with
zero target identification or accuracy. Some cop. You know that’s a six shooter, not a high-capacity
magazine fed pistol. You can’t be wasting shots like that. Bob’s final mistake was getting back into
the car without checking the back seat first. Somehow Bobby is still unconscious hours later. In real life it would be extremely rare that
he wasn’t conscious yet, and indicative of a severe TBI. Luckily not all of these mutants are complete
savages. Brenda somehow finds Bobby at night in these
rocky hills and takes him back to get patched up, where he foregoes mentioning that Beauty
was killed and gutted. Look, I get you don’t want to drop that
bomb on everyone, haha get it, but you all are in serious danger and everyone needs to
be up to speed. Especially with Doug and Bob still missing. The ladies said they tried the radio, but
all they heard was perverted breathing. Hopefully that wasn’t from the radio Doug
was carrying. You just became conscious after suffering
serious head trauma, you know a murderer is out there, and you think going outside in
the darkness is the best course of action. Oh, and you think not telling everyone what
happened is somehow protecting them. I gotta say, I can’t fucking stand when
people hold there tongues for no reason like this. Everyone’s now tucking themselves in for
the night, completely ignorant to the danger around them. Bobby can’t get any sleep, hears Beast barking,
and goes out looking for him. It’s probably a trap, but again, somewhat
understandable. The only difference is I wouldn’t travel
that far from the camper. Given the circumstances, my dog can come to
me. Besides not telling anyone about the murder,
leaving the camper unguarded with him having the only pistol, he also left the camper door
unlocked. Now you’ve waited until shit’s gotten
bad enough and you’re already in too deep to warn everyone. When he gets back to the camper, all hell
breaks loose. They all get distracted by Bob’s burning
man exhibit to notice the mutants attacking Brenda, drinking their milk, playing with
their baby, and eating their birds. The fire extinguisher is completely useless
against a fire like that, but yah, you kind of have to try. After Bob succumbs to the flames, they can
finally hear Brenda’s screaming back in the camper. Instead of going to help Brenda and Lynn and
the baby, Bobby runs off into the hills to ‘kill those motherfuckers’. Dude, they are in your camper, hence the screaming. That goes for you too Doug, Bob is burnt to
a crisp, he’s dead as shit, go help your fucking family that’s being attacked. You can give Bob a proper burial later. I can’t say I had much hope for the mom
at this point. At least she tried. There’s a few moments where Lizard is distracted
waving the gun at Brenda, which Lynn uses to shank his leg with a screwdriver. Now believe it or not, I don’t have firsthand
experience with situations like this, but that’s not going to stop me from armchair
quarterbacking. Lynn really should have gone for a vital area
like his neck then immediately grabbed for the gun. Because she didn’t he was able to drop the
muzzle on her head. Lizard runs out of ammo, and knowing he can’t
take Doug and Bobby on, scrambles off into the night with the baby. Bobby wastes more rounds firing at them in
the distance, precious rounds that they’re definitely going to need later. Doug and Bobby get back to the trailer and
find the mom and Lynn blown away and the baby gone. That reality has to absolutely hit like a
train. I think most of us underestimate how much
this would kick you out of your own body. Oh, Beast is alive, and wasting no time getting
some payback. That’s a good doggo. Doug and Bobby’s yelling match is interrupted
by the voices of more mutants outside. Continuing with the theme of Bobby being a
monkey with a gun, he wastes more rounds firing through the wall. You have know idea how many are out there
or where they are. You are far from home or help, and there’s
maybe 10 rounds left in that gun. Unless you enjoy fighting with your teeth
and nails, I’d suggest waiting until you’re close enough that you can't miss, which for
the untrained person, like Bobby, is around point blank range. They sneak out of the cabin to check out the
damage, not checking high and low like they should. Looks like he did hit something and knocked
an arm of one of them. When Doug turns back around he see’s movement
under the camper and instructs Bobby to fire through the ground. Not a moment later Beast shows up, and they
both immediately forget that there was something under the camper that Brenda is in. You gotta confirm your kills, people. Their new plan is for Doug to take Beast and
track the mutant's blood back to their lair in the mining tunnels, while Bobby watches
over Brenda with the pistol. It would seem they’ve decided to split up.. How original. Brenda is a total wreck right now and bringing
her would be difficult, but I still think staying together and heading to the mines
is the better option. They are just much easier targets when isolated. And if they want their baby back, they’re
going to need all the man and firepower they get muster. Doug crashing the mutant family dinner with
a flashlight and a baseball bat probably won’t work out too hot, considering he has no idea
how many of them there are down there. Or it will work out great for Doug with nobody
being home and baby Catherine being unguarded, because all the psycho’s are at the camper
spit-roasting Bobby and Brenda. Going for outside help won’t work, so it’s
time for Doug to sack up and put the team on his back. He comes across a miner graveyard in the tunnels
marked with pickaxes, which could be used as weapons but, we are talking about Doug
here. A baseball bat is going to be easier and less
tiring to swing. When he emerges out the other end of the tunnel,
there’s a small town set up. It’s actually kind of a big town. Way too big for Doug to handle on his own,
so he radios his report to Bobby who left the fucking radio in the trailer. Dude, the radio is no good if it’s not on
you. I’d have maybe hung out for a bit and scouted
the area to see who came and went, how many people were there, and what homes they came
and left from. Doug walks into the nuketown like he’s Clint
Eastwood and wanders around until he finds the one house with a running generator next
to it. Good news, found the baby, bad news, there’s
huge mutants with shotguns. Bet you’re wishing you had backup and that
pistol. There’s no way he sneaks out with the baby
crying and dog barking. It’s going to be a fight. Or a quick bop to the head from left field. Yah. Can’t say I was too optimistic about his
lone rescue mission. The only thing he has going for him is his
relatively higher IQ, and the luck that he wasn’t severely injured or killed before
being put in the meat bin with a weak lock and his weapons right beside it. Is that big Bob? Oof. Happy anniversary bud. In the next room Doug finds ones of the most
badly deformed mutants in the group, ranting about how, “you made us what we’ve become.” Bro, Doug sells cell phones. He hardly had anything to do with the nuking
or your dumbfuck decision to stay in a nuke testing site. Take responsibility for your actions for Christ’s
sake. This Big Brain mutant, I wouldn’t kill. This one’s worst fate is a long life. As Leonidas said to Ephilates, may you live
forever. Pluto busts in for breakfast time and nearly
gets the drop on Doug, but Beast being the good doggo he is comes to the rescue. Instead of using that opportunity to try to
kill the mutant and save his dog, he runs off like a little bitch and leaves Beast hanging. For a cell phone salesman, he’s damn quick
on his feet. Doug gets the first cut, but again, wastes
the opportunity watching Pluto slowly pull the bat out of his stomach. How bad do you have to fuck up, where your
weapon was inside the enemy, and somehow, you end up getting clobbered with it. The mutant’s low intelligence, or just sheer
lack of proper entertainment, leads to him carelessly playing with his food until Doug
finally capitalizes on something. I will say, Doug redeemed himself a bit with
that 3 move chess play. Now for Mr. Shotgun. And Mr. Big Brain. Seems Doug had a change of heart on the whole
anti-gun thing. What, you didn’t enjoy all that hand to
hand fighting earlier when all you would’ve needed to do is squeeze a trigger. For a teenage boy, rigging up a tripwire early
warning system with a fishing line was pretty smart. Wait, why do they have fishing gear. Was Bob planning on going fishing during his
anniversary trip with his wife. Wowwww. The problem with his setup is that he should
have attached noisemakers to different parts of the tripwire, and sat on the roof of the
camper, so that when something tripped it he would know which side and could spot the
intruder quickly. You’d also want to sit on top of the camper
for better visibility and because high ground, duh. They get duped again and one of the psychos
steals their mom for supper. Bobby starts blindfiring while running which
again, wastes the ammo. If someone is running at you and you have
a gun, you’re far better off standing your ground, waiting until they get close, and
making as accurate of shots as possible. But somehow this was all part of the plan,
and Bobby has the wherewithal, ability, and omnipotent knowledge to design a trap where
he’d hogtie the person who he knows will come through the window, they will run, and
then the mutant will get free, open the door, the matches will strike, the gas bombs will
go.. Sure.. Anyone who has ever used matches before would
know that designing a trap that relies on them to light in one strike is stupid. This rube-goldberg bullshit worked through
sheer luck, and he should have prioritized better usage of his pistol. Doug corners the little girl with his baby,
but gets ambushed and clobbered by Lizard. Lizard gets distracted and runs after Ruby
who has the baby. With how fast Lizard is, he could easily have
taken a few extra seconds to fully kill Doug or at least grab the shotgun before chasing
down Ruby. And because he made this fatal error.. Doug dropping the shotty next to Lizard was
a terrible mistake too. You would never want to drop a loaded gun
next to an enemy, even one who was seemingly dead. Wouldn’t you want to keep the shotgun anyways,
in case you ran into more mutants? With his last dying breath, Lizard rises from
the grave and draws down with the shotgun. Before Doug and his baby catch a load of double-aught
buckshot, Ruby tackles him off the cliff. RIP nice little mutant girl. They’re getting some payback back at camp
too. Damn Brenda. The movie ends with the family reunited, well,
except for their wife, mom, and dad, in a remote desert with more mutants stalking them
from a distance. From here, they’ll need to walk 9 miles
back to the gas station. There should be water and a running car they
can use to drive out of there and get help. Who knows if they will make it with more mutants
preying upon them. Probably should have kept that shotgun, Doug. Let’s recap how things could have gone down
differently. This massacre could have been avoided if the
miners weren’t idiots who wanted to stay in a nuke testing site, the military had tied
up their loose ends, Bob wasn’t a cheap asshole and got flights instead, or if Bob
at least knew how to read a map. In which case the mutants would be dead and
the whole family would be alive. The whole family also would have survived
if when Lynn saw the stolen goods, she told her dad and had them take the official route
back. Even if she didn’t and they crashed like
in the movie, if Bob and Doug didn’t split up and waited until morning to go to the gas
station, they’d likely have been way more successful taking the old man's car and getting
help. The gas attendant was suicidal after sending
the family down death’s road, and would have killed himself that previous night anyways,
and without a source of food, the mutants would starve and die. Who knows how these alternate paths would
have worked out, but I think we could have beaten the Cannibal Mutants from The Hills
Have Eyes with less life and limb lossed. Thanks for watching, and remember, if you’re
driving through New Mexico, stay on the official roads.
