The Ultimate Conversational Power Move - POLITENESS

when people see me talk to girls I get the comment a lot that the way that I communicate the manner in which I express myself is a little bit unusual a little bit different and part of that's just my personality but part of it is because it makes me more charismatic more engaging possibly more persuasive in any case it's more socially effective I one thing that surprises people a lot is how polite I am when I express myself you see politeness is an incredibly powerful social tool and not just for the reason your mother may have told you not just because it's a nice thing to do not just because it's politically correct it's actually very very effective in a lot of ways which we're gonna discuss right now the first reason why politeness is useful is probably the one you've heard before but I want to take it a step further and that reason is that politeness essentially is a form of a social lubricant right there's a reason why kids tell their children that please is the magic word and they should say please and thank you to people it's because in many cases not all but in many cases people are more willing and will more happily do things for you if you ask politely that's the very simple kind of obvious one but this goes a lot further when you think about the idea that sometimes interactions are not one-offs right sometimes you're interacting with a person over and over again and so politeness actually acts as an establishing right that social lubricant that you're doing on a daily basis making the interactions with you Pleasant and nice and rewarding and fulfilling for those around you acts as a form of reputation builder for the times when you're not going to be as polite for the times when you do really need to stand up for yourself when you really do need to take a firm stance so take for example maybe you're at work and there's one person who's very polite and always seems reasonable there's another person who's kind of gruff and difficult to deal with those two people have a conflict and they have to report it to the boss immediately before they even start stating their cases before the bosses heard a single word about the conflict in his mind he's probably already made a decision who was at fault he's probably already made a decision who is the one causing trouble who is the one being difficult to deal with and that's all based on reputation all right and so yes politeness matters in a one-off setting your pleases and thank-yous but what it really matters is when you when you have a longer term thing and you're building you know a pattern of behavior and a reputation and this can even exist within one conversation so say that you're talking to a girl throughout the course of a night and you've dealt with friends very politely and given them a lot of respect and caring at the start of the night when you first met them at the end of the night when it comes time for them to make a decision either in your favor or against you they're going to be a lot more willing to make that decision in your favor because of that past history because of that reputation you've established also they're going to have a lot more belief that you're going to treat their friend well in that sort of a case all right so yes it's nice in that moment but more importantly being nice in the moment serves to establish a reputation which is going to help you in many many future moments that are probably more critical circumstances the next reason why politeness is very useful is that it establishes social competence you see when you meet someone especially if you meet someone over a short period of time you don't know everything about them and so what you do is you cue off of certain markers certain indicators of the overall person and so for example if someone speaks well uses the right words you think they are educated if someone is polite and seems to know how to handle certain social situations you assume again maybe that they're educated they've been brought up well you assume that they've had good social feedback throughout their life so it's actually a form of implied social proof right the fact that you have learned enough to be polite now you can go too far with this right if you're so polite that you seem like a pushover that's a problem right but base level politeness not not giving in to everybody else's opinions and things like that but stating the things you state in a polite way does establish a level of social competence and it is a marker that you came from an education that you came from a good background maybe a good family that sort of thing to kind of highlight this point I want to tell you a story that kind of stands out from me from my youth when I was in high school I went to a very good school and there was a kid in one of my class who asked the English teacher why they had to do why we have to do a vocabulary exercises and the English teacher without missing a beat looked him dead in the eye and said because every time you open your mouth you identify yourself as a member of the ruling class now putting aside any kind of political correctness issues that we would have with that in 2019 potentially there is something very valid there which is that you are being assessed on what you say and people are for better or for worse deciding whether you've been successful where you came from whether you'd be assets to know socially those kinds of things so when you express yourself correctly when you express yourself knowing the social rules it looks to people and seems to people like you're a more valuable social ally and that you have more success perhaps more affluence perhaps have had better opportunities in your life and that generally in many cases is going to be very very useful also if you are going to break some social rules like we do sometimes in game it makes a lot of sense to show that you know the rules right if you show you know the rules and are breaking it then that breaking looks intentional and purposeful and can work in your favor if it looks like you're breaking them because you just don't know the rules now you just look stupid and incompetent the final reason why politeness is effective and useful is that politeness is generally non reactive and nonreactive 'ti is generally high value so if you're in just about any situation and you are not getting too emotionally wrapped up in it you can keep your kind of impartiality you can keep your cool it shows that you have a certain level of abundance that you have a certain ability to you know maintain yourself in your life in your situation regardless of what happens in the situation and ironically when it comes to very heated situations in very negative expressions they actually can be stronger expressions when made politely so think about this if like there is a kind of an argument that's getting heated on both sides and in like the heat of the moment in an angry way someone's doesn't mean things to the other person one it's taken as like heat of the moment he didn't really mean it and two you've at least given them the the compliments of being angry of being emotionally caught up at that same moment so it's not as harsh as it could be whereas the harshest thing you can actually do is not to be angry so I'm one or to be mean to someone is to be indifferent to them it's to truly not care and when you are polite and you're not getting completely emotionally aroused and like you're keeping your cool you actually are showing that that level of indifference which actually gonna make you more effective and especially when you start talking to really hot and really high social value girls who are used to like you basically having their asses kissed all the time when you actually can be indifferent to them it stands out so strongly and really shows you as a high value guy in in a very very palatable and very hard to fake way so this indifference this non reactivity actually can be more effective and a stronger form of a negative expression than even being angry or trying to be harsh would be one quick word of warning I'm advising this video to be polite I'm not advising you to be the stereotypical a nice guy or do you have pushover who just gets walked all over in life and never gets his way okay you still need to stand up for what you want you're still need to have a strong frame I'm just saying there is a better way to assert that frame in a lot of cases which is the method of being polite so to illustrate this I'm gonna give you an example from the real world talking to girls so let's say you're out at a bar you've said like basically hello to a girl basically just started the conversation and her friend comes up and sort of obnoxious it is like you should buy her a drink there's a few different wrong ways to handle this and maybe a right way to handle it so wrong way number one would be to just pick yeah and I'd buy her the drink and then get used for the drink and the friend drags her away and you just spent money on a drink for a girl that's not even gonna talk to you and you just got kind of played that's a bad decision number one or something that probably won't work out in most cases or isn't very smart second thing that's really bad and this is one I see a lot of guys do when they start learning the game is that they'll be like no I don't buy drinks for girls I don't know and the girl's friend at that point okay cool bye and drag the girl away from you and you won't be able to say in other words who are even if the girl herself liked you because the girls friends has more social capital than you you've been sort of rude to her and you've given her a strong reason to take the friend away she's just gonna take it you're not gonna get another word in so that doesn't work either and that's kind of the the holding your frame impolitely solution a proper solution where you says you should buy her a drink you'd be like you know what maybe to be fair I don't know you guys that well yet maybe we should start with names and just go from there right where you stay unreactive you stay normal you can even go for a bit further with it and maybe miss miss intruder like you know what hey you know I appreciate the social invite but perhaps you should just start with names that might even be better right but the idea is you're staying polite you're staying calm and you're just handling the situation you know on its own merits without this defensive nasaw without this like fear of loss right you're strong and you're strong enough to handle the situation politely and keep your wits alright I'm so I'm gonna end this in the spirit of being polite but not being a pushover with a quote from a very famous person one mr. Al Capone who said you can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word so he clearly appreciated the value of politeness but he also really appreciated the value of a strong negotiating position so be polite but also make sure you're negotiating from position of strength make sure you're holding your frame in the right way as well [Music] you

Channel: Todd V Dating

Views: 108,311

Rating: 4.9212461 out of 5

Keywords: politeness, polite, manners, verbal, game, conversation, strategy, tactic, tip, method, social, skill, skills, reputation, attraction, dating, women, date, woman, meet, talk, talking, verbally, effective, advice, socially, acceptable, rude, rudeness

Id: tZDvpjBXvno

Length: 9min 33sec (573 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 01 2020