-All right. We're checking out
the only game where you have to spend 100 years in training,
killing defenseless aliens so that you can become the Defender of Earth.
It's GTA. So, uh, I have been given
an entire story arc to do as a young man all the way until I am an old man. And that is apparently training
to kill aliens. I just noticed, like,
I literally just logged in and I saw my first toy on the ground. I'm glad that my dad got me
a minigun for Christmas. It's just what I asked for. Grab that. Oh, here we go.
Hello, my child, you have been engineered
to defend earth against aliens that can take human form. You must undergo years of training to become an Elite Yeet Marine. They asked me
what I wanted to be when I grew up
and I said a Yeet Marine. We have prepared a massive
training course to prepare you. Remember, no GD mercy. I love that we have like Stan Lee
over here chilling out. Hello, Gray. I am Dr. SA Tan. Dr. SA Tan. Satan. [laughs] I have grown you like an expensive radish. Get your toy and kill the h-aliens. The haliens from Halion. Yeah.
As I take this out, I can't help, but think that
there's probably going to be some plot twist.
All right, Dad, I guess. All right, out-
Whoa. Okay. The, uh, haliens appear
to be just down [chuckles] apparently, being in close
enough they talk. Hold on. Hello, Gray.
This is the first level of training. All you're having to do is
kill those evil aliens there. This test makes sure you can
kill aliens without any mercy. Go get them.
Please, don't kill us. I have kids. Please, show mercy.
I have a pregnant wife. Jokes on you. They taught me in school aliens can't get pregnant. Yeah, woah [screams], oh my God. Uh, so I'm not sure, but I think that the doctor
may have gone a little overboard with this weapon. Oh, hold on. I think there's a few
that are still-still all right. Not gonna lie, these aliens just look
like regular astronauts. Oh, also, don't watch me while I work. I appreciate that as I move along
this training course, I am always greeted
with gratuitous amounts of 'Merica. Great job, you graduated
to Earth Defender level two. What happens when I'm level two? Just, like, my strength
and constitution go up. It's like a D&D character. We can now trust you
with more toys to kill aliens. Let's take it up a notch. Okay. Ooh, I love how they put me
on this pedestal and they totally don't
give me any stairs. [screams] Sticks the landing.
Please, don't kill. I have a pregnant wife and kids. So they're also pregnant. How do you guys manage to get
everyone around you pregnant? This is legitimately some
of the most hideous beings I have ever witnessed in my life. All right, what do we got over here?
We got a tank. That's some big guns. What the hell is this? I love how there's a bunch
of military vehicles, and then they've given me this. Ah. I don't know if I'm old enough
to have a driver's license, but apparently, no one here cares. Wow. [gasps] Yeet lee dee, yeet lee dee. Are aliens flammable? Aliens are absolutely flammable. Oh my God. Oh, they're so difficult
to drive over as well. All right, just cleaning up. Here we go. Bring you over there. I'm just bringing you to your car,
good, sir. I'm like a valet driver. Wooh. I'm not gonna lie, the military
gives me fantastic toys for this. Booyah. Oh no, you can drag them while burning them. This dude over here is like,
please let me go. Oh, you want to escape? All right, hold on.
Ready? All right, here we go. And yeah [chuckles]. Listen, this is why they call us
the Yeet Marines. So as I get to the next level, I've realized a couple of things. First off, why is everything
made of money. Also, that down there,
is that people? I have to look. That is 100% people. Great job, your mother would be so proud. LOL, just kidding. You don't have a mother, you were grown. Great. At this point,
I'm actually getting roasted inside of the boards now. It's cool though. Think of yourself like a $100 million
head of lettuce. Anyway, the toy you pick here will show us a lot
about the defender you are. Choose wisely. Okay, so, I guess
I have to pick one of these items and I, what, like,
knock down all of the aliens. So, we have a plane, got some helicopters, add a cooler helicopter. Uh, we have the money missile truck and then we have this. What the hell is this? I love how someone just took
the propeller of this helicopter and gave it a mountain of steroids. Well, they said whichever one I pick
will tell them a lot about, wooh, what type of person I am
so I guess I'm picking this one. Inside the thick stacks we go. All ready. Oh, yeah. This thing- this thing drives like a dream. All right.
Put up the landing gear. Oh my God. All right. So, I have to get them all down
in one shot, huh, [laughs] Oh no. All right. Oh yeah, we're-
we're on target. Oh-oh, hold on,
I'm getting a little-little off here. This is a lot harder than it looks. Oh no. [laughs] Oh my God. I missed a few. I've gotta clean up the aliens. Gray to the rescue, Earth Defender Gray. I'd like to take a moment
to recognize that one of these aliens landed
on the actual wing of the helicopter
or whatever this would be. All right.
Let me just, uh, hold on. I'm just gonna go ahead
and bring this down real quick. -Ugh.
-There we go. Ugh [beep], I feel kinda bad because none of them are even begging for their lives any longer. Yay. Right. Yay. [hums] Ah ha hum, la da da dee. Here we go. -Gotta.
-Later. [screams]
Just cleaning up. [screams] They wanted to make sure
that I got every single alien. There we go. Do I get to go
to the next level yet? Okay, so, now we're deep
in the heart of this city. They're adopting
to our society, Gray. The hum-iens- I love how it's just slowly
getting rid of aliens entirely now are trying to protest
our efforts to turn you into a true Earth Defender. We've given you special toys to deal with the protestors. Also, have some lunch. It's made with fresh pe-otatoes. Pe-otatoes, ay. Well, let me go ahead
and grab one of these- one of this-this sandwich right here.
Hmm, so stringy. Tastes like fresh cannibalism. Okay, so once again, it looks like there's- oh, here--
Well, I found the protestors. You're so getting cancelled. Oh really? Oh no, look at how many boosts there are. I have no idea what the hell this is but I love it. I've chosen my toy. Okay, so, oh yeah, here we go. Yeah. Oh my God, I can't hold it. Heads up, everyone. Wooh. All right, this wasn't bad but I-I think I definitely need
something stronger. A few seconds later. Heads up. [laughs] Hold on. There was a few left and protest cleared. So I just got to the new level. Uh, I am Adult Gray at this point now and there's a few issues here. One, why am I partly dressed
like Santa Claus and two, do I have bionic legs? I know that when I turn this camera, I'm going to have to read
what's on that wall. I am very concerned. Here we go. So, hey, Gray. Welcome to adulthood. Like any adult, you've grown some new bionic legs while you were sleeping.
Part of me, like, how did I miss this?
Don't worry, it happens to all men your age.
You are getting done with training, just a few more years, no mercy. What is this?
So, I get to choose between this and this?
What the hell is on the back of this? Hold on, all right. Woah, [sreams] oh my God. [screaming] Wooh, what have I done? Oh, sweet Jesus. So, um, I just realized that they put, like, 100 winter binds
on the bottom of that vehicle. All right, hold on,
I gotta- [chuckles]. Let me-let me take this
down here real quick. And-- what does it say?
Let me give you a lap dance, Gray, your wife doesn't have to know. Oh my God. I don't know when I got married. Good for me, I guess. I found some more aliens. Just cleaning them up. Look, it did you didn't tell me
I passed the level yet. You have to kill so many aliens before you're allowed to move on. Are we done yet?
We done. Oh, now I think we're done. So, uh, I made it to the next level. At this point,
there's almost nothing left of me. It's just like another instance where
I went to sleep and suddenly, you know, I woke up
and I'm mostly robotic. Wow, Gray,
you're really growing up. Some guys get facial hair, you get a robot body. Pretty sweet. Those guys below are
aliens impersonating subs. What the hell. Oh, well there's
like an actual sub. Oh, my son watches you, Gray. I've been subscribed
for five years. So not in subs, like a submarine, subs like a subscriber. Oh God, they're trying
to swim away. There's a frigging
gunboat sitting on a ramp. Well, I guess these
impersonating Sebastians need to find out what time it is. All hail the Yeet Marines. Uh, alrighty, let's head over here. There we are. All right. Time to clean things up. Wooh. Hold on, there's some that
were out of the arc of fire. All right, there we go. Yeah. Rise up, my child. Did I just put him inside
of the Yeet boat? Hold on.
Yeah, there is a person inside of my boat. I mean, an alien. Okay, so apparently I'm Old Gray now, I'm basically more machine than man. I've got a knockoff
Beats headset on. I don't even know if that's a headset
or that's just part of my ears now. I'm also a million years old. Holy wall of text, Gray, you have finished your training. The truth is those were people. No kidding. In fact, I'm pretty sure you ate some of them
in your teams, remember that? Pepperidge farms,
remember [chuckles]. That's bringing back trauma. I'm just kidding.
Those were pretty good years. Anyway, since you are
just a robot now, join us and we will give you
more toys to keep torturing humans. Do we have a deal? So, normally, if I run into-- Oh, okay.
Yeah, here we go. Oh, no, it's the mother ship. So, yeah, uh, what's this the--
Hail Gray the Destroyer. I mean, I guess I still have
a D in my title, Killer of Humans for 100 Years. Join us to conquer the next planet. Hold on, why are there
just like two random guys chilling out over here? I love that there's
just a line of aliens and then there's, like,
two guys taking selfies over here. Gray, we snuck in,
grab one of our cars and do what you do best. Well, it looks like I ended up causing the entire destruction
of earth. However, at the very least,
I can teach the aliens that they'll only ruler
of this planet will be me. Wooh. Yeah [screams]. Anyway, folks, hope you all
enjoyed this episode of GTA. Till the next time, stay foxy and much love.
