All right.
We're checking out the only game where you can hook up with the daughter
of the devil through a dating app, it's GTA. Apparently today,
I'm going to legitimately be dating the devil's daughter. I also appreciate that the dating app
is apparently called the "Yeet Dating App.” "Disclaimer, the Yeet Dating App
was designed for the most desperate cases. Its developers bear no responsibility
for any consequences.” Is that a gun just sitting on the table? Ma'am what are you--
"That's a tough case. Anywho, use this to swipe next.” You swipe on this app with a gun? That's like the most GTA thing
I think I've ever heard. Also, I found out
what she was talking about there's two people over here,
"She ate my dog.” [laughs] I love that this lady is like,
"That's what happens, man.” Look, buddy,
don't beat yourself up about it. You gotta ask yourself,
did your dog taste good? I love how he stopped to look at me
and he's like, "You sick bastard.” Look I'm planning on going out
with the devil's daughter. Give me a break.
What does it say? "We are proudly sponsored
by Double the Rubber Condoms.” [laughs] I love it,
some people have double mint gum, we have Double the Rubber Condoms. Find your worst half.
L means love. Like, how-- L actually means loser. Although technically,
hell has two Ls in it, so that means this should be twice the fun.
All right, give me my gun. All right. It's time to find love the only way
I know how. Come here. Just real- just real quick. Violently. [laughs] I also like
that the board creator made the circles pink just like my outfit.
Oh, wow. Why is there a wind turbine sitting
on its side? Oh, it's Karen.
Oh, this must be one of the people. Okay. So, I have to go through a bunch of people
until I find the woman for me. "About myself: Age is just a number. If you're looking for a one-night stand,
swipe next. I'm in for long-lasting relationships. Great with pets.” Yeah,
the last lady was great with pets, too. And the next thing that guy knew
she was chewing on his dog like a freaking hoho. All right. "Portland, Oregon.” "Hobbies: porn, food, and yoga.” [laughs] In that order? "Interesting facts: Can't swim. Claims she is a vegan. Once ate a dog.” What is with the dog eating? This is the second woman now
that has eaten a dog. Also, I don't think you can be a vegan
if you eat a dog. "Has a tattoo on her left breast--
The dog she ate.” She's like, "I'll never forget you.” Okay. So, I think the way this works
is you literally swipe right through the door, or--
Hold on, let me see. This has got to work, right,
you swipe left like so. [laughs] Oh, yeah, I forgot she can't swim. I'd save you, but apparently,
this is a great time for you to learn how to swim. You're welcome. Many life or death situations teach you
all kinds of new skills. Was she still screaming? Pretty sure I heard her screaming. Is that Natasha?
Is it black widow again? "About myself: Age is unknown. Like to face my fears head on. Favorite dish is pelmeni
with mayo and garlic.” What the hell's pelmeni? Luckily, whenever I don't know something
there's always someone who does, my Google girlfriend. Hey Google, what is pelmeni? -According to Wikipedia--
-Uh-huh. -Pelmeni are dumplings of Russian cuisine-
-Oh. and consist of a filling wrapped
in thin unleavened dough. Well, that sounds carbolicious. All right, Natasha, you're number one
so far on my list. I like pelmeni, too.
"Favorite drink is vodka.” Okay, we have that in common.
"Go-to phrase is Suka Blyat. I have a very peculiar set of skills,
and I'm looking for a particular man originating from Florida.” Wait, why? "Place of residence: Wherever dispatched. Currently stationed in South Florida.”
Oh God. "Interesting facts:
have a hit list ranking number one on it is a man from Florida
with extremely fast sperm cells.” What? "Can generate up to 5,000 pounds
of pressure per square inch with her crotch muscles.” Ah, so can Batman.
"Afraid of heights. Looking for a dad for my two twins.” You had me right up until South Florida. Not that I have something
against South Florida, but I think you may be trying
to get a little bit too close to me for the wrong reasons. Yeet. Oh, didn't she say
she was afraid of heights? Actually, that mountain looks pretty soft. Yeah, yeah, I think she's fine. All right, what else do we got? Beth, oh, this girl
actually sounds very normal. "About myself: Age, I was 29 a week ago.” What?
Who the hell talks like that. So, what? You're 30, or you're just 29 in one week? "I want to escape my toxic job
and move somewhere closer to the mountains where there's less people. We'll settle for a deadbeat.”
Hell yes. All right. "Place of residence: Hollyweird.” "Hobbies: binge watching
the Twilight saga, cheap wine, drinking decaf.” Beth that's a good way
to get your ass killed. "Interesting facts: Was once an employee
of the month at a dating company. That month only three clients
committed suicide.” Oh, my god.
[laughs] Wait a second, are you the lady at the front desk, the one who I sent flying into the lady
that ate the dog? "Used to have an OnlyFans account
until her parents found out.” What? "Has a twin sister.” Oh, I killed your twin sister. All right, well, listen,
I don't drink decaf coffee, and your twin sister is lonely in hell. Now, you get to work closer
to the mountains. I'm actually just going to have to say yes
to someone eventually because like the planet
is gonna run out of women. Oh, Natas. Is that Slavic? "About myself: Age, 627, just kidding. I'm good at multiple choice. My favorite color is red. My friends think I'm naughty,
but my dad says I'm a little angel.” "Place of residence: A very hot place.” This is our girl.
Let's see here. "Hobbies:
Reading ancient Hebrew manuscripts, doing silly pranks
and collecting candles.” Oh, the last two
are actually oddly non-violent. "Previous six boyfriends went missing. Has a rare Latin name, Natas Flesmih.” What the hell?
"May or may not be related to Satan." Oh my God. Well, I guess anti-god. The Natas Fles--
it's literally Satan himself, just spelled backwards, both parts.
[laughs] The himself part, too. She's looking for a man
with unwavering determination and a lot of resilience. [laughs] Also, Natas, I'm not gonna lie. You look strikingly similar to someone
I've met in a Resident Evil. Anyway, much like Pikachu, I choose you. "Hooray, come here, give me a kiss.” Please tell me to get over there. All I have to do is go through this
because I'm not sure I can make this jump. I mean I can try. [screams] Okay. Ow, my teeth. Hold on, Natas, I-I'll be up there
in a second. All right. Guess I'm going through the door
and hoping that this puts me in the right place. Oh, yay.
What the hell? [screams] What the hell?
[screams] [laughs] [?] Wow. That was, uh- that was all one scene. [laughs] "Hehe, sorry,
it was just a silly prank. What do you think we should do
on our first date?” I'm not gonna lie. My intent went from something romantic
to just survival at this point. Look, I'm from South Florida, the answer
is always monster truck rallies. Looks like you already have the right car. Apparently, she has an answer. "Oh, I was just thinking
I'd show you my bedroom.” You know what, sure. Who does monster truck
on the first date anyway? Bedroom it is.
All right, we got-- What the hell? Is this a crow just dead
in a circle on the ground? What the hell?
There's a little dog begging for help. [laughs] Oh, hey, is that an egret? We got a lot of egrets in Florida. I'm still very concerned
about this random dead bird. Oh,
I think I just heard him say something. Hey, hey, hey, you okay. You alright? If I push you out of the circle,
does something horrifying happen? There, you're-you're free now little bird.
Anyway. "Oh, sorry, but my dad Stan
is gonna come home now. I want you to meet him. Stand in the circle,
just don't step on the bird.” Oh, 10 seconds into a new relationship.
I screwed that up. Oh my god. That's what happens when you push the bird
outside of the circle. You say your father's name is Stan? Also, in this statue back here,
why is this guy like dabbing while holding a fire axe? Sir, let me start by mentioning I only had
the best intentions for your daughter. Uh and the flames emanating
from your body remind me a lot of home. Oh, there's legitimate texts now. "What the hell? Who is that dead man walking? I told ya, no boyfriends
until you're nine centuries old.” Nine centuries? "Also, why did you hang wings here? It makes me look silly.”
Wait a second. [laughs] I think
you should actually be asking why your daughter has
a giant cherry inside of her closet. Okay, so what now? Oh, it looks like
she's legitimately starting to fight for my survival. "But dad, he's cute and he didn't die
when I tossed him down the waterfall. That's a good sign.” Yeah, I didn't die,
but I lost 30% of my brain cells. I don't have that many left. "To hell with you both. Okay, boy, in this case, you have to prove
you're worthy of my little angel. I'm gonna test both your body
and your mind. We'll start with your body." Luckily, I've been getting
the hell kicked out of me for a good couple of years now,
so I've worked up specifically for this day.
Let's do this. Why you guys got a whole stadium
and everything? Oh, am I literally in hell right now? I love
how there's a whole bunch of fans here ready to see this spectacle,
just like paper, rock, scissors or-- What are we doing?
"You're a dead man walking.” That's great. What kinda-- Hold on. What is that a zombie? Getting heckled by a discount member
of The Walking Dead. You're gonna learn today, boy.” What the hell? Are you- are you wearing your pants
and your underwear around your ankles on top of another pair of pants?
That's meta as hell. "I get your clothes after you die.” You're the second clown I've seen here. I'm pretty sure like--
Yeah, there's another clown right there. "I've got $10,000 on this pink guy
dying in the first.” Thanks. You guys are dicks.
All right, "Satan's Health: 1,000. Gray's Health: About to find out.” GrayStillPlays-- That's a tombstone. I love how they already made my tombstone. From 1869 until today? What the hell, you bastards. I'm not 150 years old. Also, what is holding that shovel up? Do you-do you change every single scene? She's like, "I always carry
30 spare outfits in my purse.” What purse? Isn't that a gun holster you--
You know what? Whatever. "My dad is just playing around.” "I'm going to use your colon
as a sheath for my machete.” That sounds both painful
and inappropriate. Now, you may think that I fear
your little cage here, but guess what? I'm fireproof, baby. Welcome to South Florida. That's right, I'm GrayStillPlays, baby. You ever seen anything like this before? You ever seen Florida-fu? Look at this right here. [laughs] Yeah. Yeah, Satan,
you ain't seen my best moves yet. Check this out, I'm running on the cage. Look at that right there. [laughs] Yeah, my teachers
were the Florida Blacktip Sharks. Who was your teacher, Satan? I'm sorry, Stan. Oh,
apparently while I was brushing my teeth with the cage wire,
everyone decided to come up and-- What's that say?
"I'm your biggest fan, Stan. I sacrificed 28 puppies to be here.”
[chuckles] "Rip him a new one.”
"Whoop his ass.” "Give him hell.”
"I'm gonna bathe in your blood.” "Bend him over.” What is with you
and the double pants thing? Is this some sorta new fashion thing?
"Babe, use the swipe--” Holy Jesus. Ow. Oh, the swipe gun.
I forgot I had that. Now, obviously, Satan,
you expected a fair fight. Well, you know what Florida
and the word fair have in common? Absolutely nothing. Come here. [screams] [laughs] Oh, there he is. [laughs] Oh. Uh, it's all right,
I have- I have another idea. Hold on. Here. Yeah, yeah, you like that,
don't you, Satan? How come you're not fireproof? How come Gray is fire-proof,
but Satan ain't fireproof? Whoo. Don't mind me. I just like my hotdogs extra crispy. Hey, Natas.
You don't like medium-rare, do you? Because I think we're way past that. Yeah, yeetily-deet. Yes, just got beat. Thank you, dear, you saved my life. Also, I'm taking your father's machete
with me. [chuckles] Oh, I'm apparently
in a new scene now. "You didn't do half bad for a half wit. But you cheated and I commend that. But strength alone isn't enough. You also gotta have a good head
on your shoulders. So, now, we're gonna test your decision--”
Oh my God, you son of a bitch. I guess I should have realized
that I was on the train tracks. Oh, crap, my sunglasses are gone. That blood spatter will be a reminder
that I was here for all time. "So, now, we gotta test
your decision-making ability at judging four most effed up criminals. Spare one, cast the other into hell. Last time Jason hired a guy
who made some lovely choices, so hopefully you can live up
to that weirdo.” Yeah, him and I
actually have a lot in common. Also, I can hear the train coming.
"My daughter will help you. She's outstanding
when it comes to multiple choice.” Oh, okay.
Ow, not again. That had clipped my freaking rotator cuff. All right, let's do this. Wow, you really spruced up
the judgmental area of hell. All right, so this must be our two guys. "Sin: When we got pulled by a cop,
I convinced my little buddy to consume a pack of cocaine
that was hidden in my butt. My buddy died on the way to the station. It was a crappy thing to do.
Get it, crappy?" I'm not gonna lie.
You might die from that joke alone. "I falsified my friend's medical report
to say that he will die from cancer in a week, then I persuaded him
to sell his house and car, so we could fly together
to an expensive Maldives resort to live it up with hookers and weed.” Oh, Natas is here with me.
Why are you wearing glasses now? "I think just kill them both.” I mean, what Natas wants, Natas gets. One, two. Yeah, it's fine.
[laughs] Oh my God. Okay. Maybe when I phone a friend,
you'll be a little bit more help on the next one.
All right, here we are. "Sin: I threw a 4 of July event
in my gated community and put laxative in every item on the menu. There were no fireworks seen that day,
but yet you could hear a lot of firecrackers." Okay. I'm just putting the brakes
on the comedy train. Actually, hold on,
get-get all the way to hell. Here, I don't want you
to just dying on the platform. There. You got jokes, too? "I added an obscene amount of laxative
to a birthday cake--” What is with you two? "to a birthday cake during a party
on a yacht and then occupied the only toilet. A lot of egos were ruined that day
as well as the sea fauna.” You're the reason the penguins are dying
in Florida. Oh, sorry. Natas, what'd you think about leaving
one of them-- What? "I don't know.
They both look killable. [chuckles] Not us.
You're not actually any good at multiple choice, are you? She's like,
"I am when the only choice is death.” Did I pass my IQ test? Wow. And we're back.
And she has yet another outfit on. "I had a blast, Gray.
Hope I was helpful. Anyway,
I think it's time for our first date.” What the hell was all that we just did? I had to fight your father,
the devil, to the death. But before that,
I have a little surprise for you. Come with me.
I'm very concerned. What the hell?
What is this? What is happening?
Why did they have a dozen people just get in a go-kart. "Surprise. That's our kids, Gray, all six of them. I delivered them while you were talking
to my dad in the tunnel." How did you get pregnant? What, did it happen when I kicked the bird
that was sitting inside of the demonic circle in your bedroom?
"Hi, dad. Let's play bumper cars.”
Satan's here, too. [laughs]
"There's always another option, Gray.” Wait, so-- [laughs] Look at him. He's like, "Oh, go inside.” There's no children where we're going. [screams]
Well, I guess I got to date Satan's daughter,
and I-I don't regret it at all. Anyway, folks,
Hope you enjoyed this episode of GTA. Till the next time.
Stay foxy and much love.
