Half Of Everyone Is Below Average (r/AskReddit)

George Carlin said think of how stupid the average person is and realize how far them are stupider than that what real-life example have you seen that validates this view I'm a physician I doctor specifically I will tell you that the longer I work now 15 years my standard for the average person continues to decline case in point thanks to the awful information filtering out there I had a patient just last week who read that vitamin D helps you resist a core and a virus infection well he had also read that who can get more vitamin D by getting more Sun so he wanted to collect as much light as possible with his eyes as a result he stared at the Sun for a solid 60 seconds and burned holes directly into his retinas permanently reducing his vision with no chance at future improvement customers arguing that there - - is backwards while their artist tries to explain that no your tattoo is fine it just looks backwards because that's how mirrors work just imagine what tattoos those people have gotten one guy I met said that English is the true language of God because the Bible is written in English the amount of people who think Jesus lived in the United States is astonishing about half the calls I take on a daily basis people call nine-one-one to ask whether walmart is open to report that they didn't get enough mayo on their burger to complain that cleanup at a fatality wreck is taking too long all sorts of silly out-of-touch crap granted there is probably some level of mental illness and/or substance abuse present in those calls but but still sounds like this can be an entire ask reddit thread itself I used to work for a chaplet app our app would text how users every morning with a greeting in a different language that says ha la voiture etc one day we got blown up by user saying their account was hacked she said my name is Kim Smith not Kim konnichiwa someone's hacked my account when we explained that our service has been clearly saying hello to her in other languages every day and that konnichiwa is hello in Japanese and her account was fine she went on as aloof big rant and said Disney was behind the destruction of America yep I think I am not the only one who wants details here pretty please friend of mine showered in cold water for a year cause he never thought of turning the other tap to see what it would do that's the dumbest thing I've read in this thread so far my dad is a pesticide investigator for the states and heard the sonar complaint I set out all these bird feeders and bird baths but not one bird comes to my yard I bet it is all those pesticides that crop duster is laying down in the field local school board member as they were standing in her 5 acre yard with 20 or more cats running around but so many people are blind to the effects that outdoor cats have on birds and even when you try to tell them they get pee off and say you're exaggerating that they're cute but he could never be so dangerous or detrimental getting a Miss do the calls from a random person who gets mad at you because you are not the one he/she was looking for happens with me several times a year I kept getting voicemails from some dude I didn't know really angry crap like yelling at an ex or something first time I actually answered I told him wrong number several voicemails later and I answered again and said I've told you this is the wrong number you need to stop calling me his response was you need to stop telling me what to do at the start of working from home do to covet I had a few users submit tickets for connectivity issues these tickets got through two lines of support before landing in my queue turns out that the corporate Wi-Fi doesn't follow you home and you need home internet in order to connect to the VPN I recently spent 20 minutes on the phone with a board member trying to diagnose why his camera wasn't working for our online meetings funny thing you have to actually have a camera in order for it to work I used to manage a retail store that sold teen clothing so as expected I primarily had teams working for me one employee came to the back room while I was on break and asked what I was eating somehow the topic turned to how I should have brought chicken for lunch because she wanted chicken I told her I was vegetarian and therefore don't eat meat she tells me chicken is not meat it's poultry and vegetarians can eat poultry she said at the grocery store the aisles list meat and poultry separately so they're obviously different we argued for a couple of minutes before I finally told her to go back to the sales floor she didn't last at the job long but dang I just had a customer yell at me for putting their eggs in a separate bag saying they don't want all those bags and the paper ones always rip before putting it in the bag and throwing a pound of flour on top it was somewhat satisfying seeing their face as we heard the cracks until I realized I'm the one who needed to clean it up Oh also she complained that we hadn't warned her about the fragility of eggs I had a lady scold me because I placed a bag of potato chips on top of her egg carton guess she didn't notice that the egg cartons in the cooler was stacked about six high I once owned a smart car and some stranger approached me at a gas station about why I didn't have a slow vehicle sign in the back of it since all Moke cars must have at I tried explaining that it was a real car just a bit smaller but he didn't take it according to him I was driving illegally and he was surprised the police hadn't stopped me yet on the highway old boss had a morning routine of walking around the office with a bucket he was watering all of the plastic flowers okay I have been unfortunately guilty of this one time a new girl started at work and she sat across from me so we shared some desk space in the corner she put these flowers there with a special VARs that made it look like real water in the bottom as a nice gesture I watered them for her before one weekend she got a huge kick out of it and we laughed about it all the time a girl in one of my college classes argued that heart transplants shouldn't be allowed because that's where the feelings are and the person receiving the heart wouldn't be the same person anymore that's actually pretty funny if it wasn't so sad I mean it's obviously fake if one thinks about it but I could see someone taking just the right classes to make it that far without knowing the truth simply because it never came up you know the reason you bury a rattlesnake after you kill it is because bees lead it then B is constant P Polly the rattlesnake venom guy I heard constantly trying to pick up women on public transit that sounds like a sick superpower though I worked in retail for a few years and it taught me that many people are either incapable or unwilling to read - I have had people walk up to me to ask me how much something is only for the price tag to be featured prominently on the item its $9.99 mom how did you know it says so on the price tag mom the number of people who don't read menus at restaurants it hurts me I worked with a lady who was remarking on how a friend of hers had lost a bunch of weight she pondered I wonder how many diet cokes she had to drink to do that same lady was convinced beyond repair that when you sneeze the air only comes out of your nose there was no convincing her otherwise man this made me a little sad people are so susceptible to marketing these days that they think just because something is called diet it must be good for them reminds me of my flatmate from uni who used to drink smart water before taking exams the Georgia senator that wanted to prevent sending troops to an island because he was worried it would capsize I teach sixth grade one time a parent came to me after trying to help their child with math homework and asked what number is X worth it feels like it changes with every problem I don't know if this is satire or not but good job I worked at a bank Mobile depositing had just became a thing we received a picture of someone's cash for deposit yay c-bro just wait like two hours and take another photo of the same cash and posited again and again and again whoa instant money yeah brah instant money Frick were gonna be so rich office $84 booth good one okay so my favorite was a guy who was planning his honeymoon but he didn't have a lot of money he was bummed about the cost of their travel a friend suggested a train ride mhm ght be cheaper he became frustrated after a few days of trying and complained that he couldn't find any trains going to Hawaii it still didn't sink in because he had seen pictures of trains in Hawaii he couldn't grasp that they were shipped there it got even more surreal after that a woman I used to work with who insisted that any animal could reproduce with any other animal she believed that sperm from any animal was the same and that DNA was irrelevant she believed this because she once saw some sickly possibly deformed puppies and decided that they must have been half dog and half rat oh yes rat terriers I do aquatic habitat restoration in a springfed river that people frequently tubes float on myself and numerous others being asked if it comes back around so they can get out at the DMV I went to renew my license I was waiting in a room with the computers that people used to take the written portion the Clarkes at a man down looked him in the eyes and said if you pull your phone out it's an automatic fail the window licker says ate while pulling out his phone and immediately failing I saw a guy I in front of me at the DMV failed the eye test until the employee he has glasses but there at home he got really mad when the employee told him he has to come back with the glasses and retake it there is a considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists yosemite park ranger on why it's hard to design a bear-proof garbage can i genuinely thought that was about to be a yogi bear quote a former coworker was talking about how she wanted to go back to school to get her master's degree because she only had a bachelorette degree and wanted more job opportunities I said do you mean a bachelor's degree she insisted it was pronounced Bachelorette when it was given to a woman then she led me back to her office and pointed at her diploma to the word baccalaureate and said see Bachelorette I had a bald man returned a hair dryer because it burnt his head he was doing something else with the hair dryer every time I put on my glasses so I can see better while looking for my glasses using the flashlight on your phone to find your phone in the dark was it a party in someone's crappy old truck got stuck in some mud so instead of sobering up and coming back the next day he makes a Molotov cocktail with gas and throws it at the truck but the truck caught fire and was completely destroyed worked at a larger grocery chain whose Deli used scales that would show you digitally the weight so one and one stroke 2 lbs would show 1.5 0 pounds on the scale et Cie the person I works F 35 years had to ask me to come over and tell her how much she had sliced every time she assisted someone for over 4 months she had passed the written and verbal test they give to verify that you should be able to do this she didn't seem to have problems reading any other signs or numbers so I don't think dyslexia played a part but man it was so frustrating trying to do my job and hers when I was in high school we were reading a short story about what would have happened if the Japanese attacked us back with nuclear weapons after Hiroshima and Nagasaki a girl in my class raised her hand and said something along the lines of why does this matter none of it is real anyway the teacher had to ask her to clarify but this girl thought World War 2 and the bombing of Japan were just from a movie and didn't actually happen the best part is the girl was half Japanese while her mind must have been blown when she found out World War 2 happened I work in IT I once had a lady call me from home because she couldn't get connected to her VPN I asked her if she was connected to her home wireless network she replied saying that she did not have home wireless i--there's connecting to the Internet her reply was I'm using the cell tower I can see it from my house while this is technically possible with a hotspot or cellular card in your PC this isn't what she meant she thought she could get Internet service via Wi-Fi from the cell tower I'm an insurance claims adjuster if you truly knew how many stupid drivers you're sharing the road with you'd never drive again I avoid driving whenever possible I have a car but I take the buster from work I never drive at night one of my niece's had a cold as a toddler and was breathing through her mouth my ex bill slipped out because he didn't want her to get carbon monoxide poisoning from breathing through her mouth instead of her nose the normal way when farms have trouble producing their crops and you ask some if that worries them I don't get my food from a farm I get it from Walmart the distance that many people have from where their food comes from is shocking on 911 the general manager called his daughter who was attending a sue to wake her up and make sure she saw what was going on the customer service manager said it won't be on her TV yet Arizona is two hours behind us I worked at Little Caesars and we were proofing the dough for pizza my boss said at 7 p.m. that the dough needed to rise for 12 hours and took out her calculator to do the math so I said umm that's gonna be 7 a.m. then she said the dough will expire in 48 hours and started doing the math again I told her it would expire two days from now and she said that's kinda weird how that works out huh I quit shortly after that the most surprising thing here for me is that Little Caesars bakes fresh dough I work at a restaurant we were low on tomatoes for our tomato soup so one person grabbed potatoes to see if we could use those instead Infantryman was told to trim the hedges so he lifted the lawnmower his buddy started it as a brand new medic I spent about six hours pulling finja meat from the hedges it was early 2004 after Roy won in the 82nd I was a PFC with only a year and a half in service we bandaged him then used tunic a temporarily senior medics took him to the air I was field sanitation qualified so I was left in charge of cleanup six hours was excessive but after we pulled most the meat and bone out we had to hose down the hedges the ground the grassy bleedin the ground floor outside and inside where he left a decent amount of blood had to be rinsed and sterilized the mower had to be rinsed and cleaned it had some damage from the drop the private that started the mower had to be smoked by his own Co we finished in about four hours of actual work with two hours of flicking off mixin cause the Sham shield is the real deal holy crap thats dumb i had a friend once who truly believed that magicians like chris angel and david blaine had some kind of magical power or telekinesis something along those lines while watching one of those magicians on TV performing on the street he argued how could this be fake look at all those people can't fake all that has to be some kind of power or magic I would then have to ask do you realize that movies are fake they fake entire universes planets cities war etcetera he didn't get what I was getting at right I know it's fake but I do enjoy trying to figure out how they did it also it's just cool as crap what they can come up with especially in live performances when my mummy unironically claimed that the moon landing was faked because the moon was like 40 times the size of Earth how that proves it was faked I don't know hate to think she raised me lol I once offered a girl a tuna sandwich and made a comment about the tuna being dolphin friendly she then said I thought tuna fish came from dolphins I guess she had some point she heard that if you love dolphins you shouldn't eat tuna and thought tuna is what we call dolphin meat like we call pig meat pork or cow meat beef just scroll down a web page or Facebook feed and have a look at the ads things like only 2% can solve this puzzle crap like that those ads get posted so much because they actually work on a lot of people my fav if those see what your fandom whatever name is based on your date of birth hometown first and last letters of your mom's maiden name et Cie like you have a chart and people post their results and it's a goldmine for anyone looking for the answers to those pesky security questions we'll Mayo in grade 10 we had a science test and the teacher gave one point for putting a date on the paper and one point for your name on the paper and then there were 98 points for the rest of the test a guy sitting in front of me got 0.5 stroke 100 didn't write the date and only wrote his first name that's frickin hilarious reminds me of the time my classmate copied the test answers of my other smarter classmates in second grade he got caught because he copied the name too I was doing a covered deck another Medical Supply Warehouse that had a confirmed positive employee not too long ago and while my team was inside doing our thing the floor shift manager was following us around without a mask or gloves or really any of the proper PPE except for a high-vis vest and steel toe boots I had to tell her to leave the room I was fogging with virus ID meanwhile we were wearing full level C hazmat suits with p100 combo cartridge respirators and all seams taped up , we were wearing full level C hazmat suits with p100 combo cartridge respirators and all seams taped up should I be wearing this getup too or as my mask and crappy gloves good enough to handle a small towns groceries because that's my job one of my closest friends really good guy but well I'm learning Spanish and I once told him I was reading this dong quai joke book I complained about how difficult it was because it was written in 1605 and he said wait Spanish existed back then that's more ignorance than dumbness although pretty high tare ignorant if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now [Music]

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 48,581

Rating: 4.9103808 out of 5

Keywords: stupid, stupidity, stupidity disturbed, stupidity test, intelligence, stupidest man alive, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: HdWI0yrwQCE

Length: 19min 45sec (1185 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 04 2020