Guys, What Was Your Most Awkward B0ner Story?

guys over at it what was your most awkward bonus situation from the early years 13 14 in the doctor's office for my yearly physical also at that age where they are doing checks to make sure everything is descending and developing properly so i got the full gown on i've got asthma so my physical involves a few extra breathing tests usually handled by the nurse and this year the doc had gotten a new nurse she looked like she could have been for roosevelt's sister same big smile those smokey blue eyes paler snow slightly bigger chest i've got a thing for quirky women so right around the breathing test where every nurse ever even now when i'm close to 40 takes the deep breaths with you i'm watching her chest when i'm supposed to breathe cause teen and well the gown now had a tent we both knew it she just went on with the tests and went to go get the doctor for the rest of the visit the doc comes in i'm a little embarrassed few jokes about being young and all is good then he sends her back in to give me my yearly flu shot and i swear my dong popped up faster than a switchblade door open saw her my dong went up i was around 19 and was working at a telstra shop cell provider is australia at the time usually staff members would stand around the shop ready to greet customers as i was doing on this day as a result of seemingly nothing other than being a teenaged male with good circulation i felt that i was starting to get a boner i did i did i'd discreetly go take a seat at an occupied desk where customer contracts were drawn up on a computer i calmly did so and decided i'd camp here for a while and wait it out i dreaded that at any moment a manager would emerge from the back room and order me back onto the shop floor so i decided i should take action no one appeared to be watching me so i reached into my pocket and made an attempt to at least position my junk in a less visible way but was struggling to come up with a solution to this riddle at this moment a cute female co-worker who i'd had a kinda work crush on had noticed me looking suspicious holding something in my pocket she lit up with intrigue and asked me what have you got in your pocket i was too panicked to come up with anything so with wide-eyed terror i just said nothing she wasn't buying it and practically raced to my desk crap i instinctively grabbed tightly onto the end of my erect dong through the inside of my pocket praying i could strangle it into submission or something instead of further questioning she simply lunged at my pocket of mysterious treasure with her eager hand all i could do in this moment was use my spare hand to reach over and grab her wrist please i pathetically begged her eyes appeared to relish in my moment of weakness and she started using all her might to gain access to my pocket while i desperately covered my shame this struggle ended in her using both hands to rip my hand from my pocket before instantly reaching in to sees what i was hiding i had lost i felt her tiny hand through the fabric of my pants grabbing the swollen end of my dong while our eyes locked i cringed harder than i ever have as i watched her expression shift from not grasping what was going on to the penny dropping in her mind she went pale and wordlessly almost robotically stood straight and walked off and returned to her work duties i proceeded to wait for the whole situation to deflate but the damage was done to be fair a grown woman should know what she's likely to find when she reaches into a man's pocket i was taking a swimming test that would have put me one level below lifeguard it was really challenging and the instructor wanted absolute realism when you did anything this included putting your hands on your partner usually you just have a hand i was 13 and paired with a girl my age she developed early and voluminously so much so she had an adult bathing suit with support wires i had to do mock cpr on her which means putting your hands over their heart and lightly pumping on her back her boobs flowed into that area i was keeping it together before i had to demonstrate this focusing on passing the test the rhythm the steps the possible questions i would be asked during the procedure i knew my crap i just had to focus and not think about those boobs then i was up in front of 25 other kids my age she laid it down on her back and i straddled her now i'm uncomfortable with this idea because i don't want her to feel like i'm taking advantage of this but also you know huge boobs just as i'm putting my hands down towards her chest i looked to her face to make sure she was okay with this her eyes were wide shoulders up breathing heavy and her lips were bright red and slightly parted i then realized that this might be arousing for her too having a shirtless boy straddle her and put his hands near on her boobs we locked eyes and i started breathing heavy then she got more excited and boom boner it was mortifying everyone saw yes she did as well the instructor who was a hard butt said for frick's sake ganglibert back of the line when it was my turn again i had him as my partner everyone was laughing at me i was so embarrassed and flustered i failed that test and the rest of the final test that day and hence the program he took me to his office kind of yelling at me saying how in the real world i can't think about stuff like that if i have to save a life that i need to get it together frick you dude i was 13 i didn't take any more swim lessons lots of people telling me how in cpr you don't straddle the person this was 20 years ago and what we were taught i'm aware this isn't how it's done maybe things changed maybe it was how they made 90 pounds 13 year olds get enough leverage to start to heart i don't know i just did as i was told i wonder if there was a lady counterpart to the thread if there would be a story from a woman who got turned on when a shirtless guy straddled her during cpr training missed connection dude this happened when i was in third or fourth grade when i was just going through puberty and random boners were frequent this particular boner was unfortunate because i had to stand in front of the class and read something off a sheet of paper i didn't want the class or the teacher to see my thimble of a bonus so i decided to hold the sheet of paper in front of my crotch while i read it to the class i was pretty confident my idea worked when i finished reading the teacher asked mike to stay standing in the front of the class she said that i did a great job holding the sheet of paper down low so i could see the class better and the class could see me better i then handed in the paper and went back to my seat with my unrelenting pubescent boner not being shielded by a piece of paper once i sat down the girl next to me asked if i held the paper there to cover up the little bump in my pants i just shrugged and looked the other way cover up the little bump in my pants little bump little wrecked not me but a close friend and i can never forget this one in school the kind of cooler kids would do anything to bully and abuse others talking 15 year olds often in the changing rooms after gym they would turn off the lights and try to pull down someone's shorts and underwear well one time they decided to do it to the kid they thought was gay they figured if he was hiding an erection then he's gay and they would bully him guy is fairly well built actually decent looking they end up doing this to him and as the lights come back on he is stood there smiling guy has this 10 inches monster dong and he just starts staring at them one by one and dropping a wing from time to time other guys instantly go awkward and shut up they didn't end up bullying him either and just left him alone the rest of the next few years i never understood people like that hey let's pull that guy's pants down so we can see his lol he's so freaking gay at an 8th grade birthday party at a hotel pool there were a pair of smocking hot twins in the hot tub they were wearing bikinis and their newly developed boobies were on full display one of my friends was chilling with them in the hot tub so i said fricking i'm going over to hang with them on my way over i took one glance at their racks and immediately entered the bonus zone whatever i'm no rookie i've been in situations like this before i decided to take the waistband route and flip the little guy up i guess i had also been going through some changes because my little guy was no longer so little and the head of the snake was unbeknownst to me poking up above the waistband so there i am approaching this hot tub with confidence i say what's up as i start walking in and i look down staring back at me like the eye of sauron is my dong head in full view of everyone i look up and my friend is bullying in laughter the girls sat there looking awkward i don't remember anything else good times like the eye of sauron glorious tl dr to this day my gf makes fun of me for my drunk boner apology and espanol a few years ago my gf and i were at an all-inclusive resort in cancun we were drinking all day by the beach and decided to get a couple's massage now i had been drinking a lot of tequila and getting naked with my tanned gf in a room started me down the path towards boner town so i quickly laid down on my stomach attempting to suffocate the beast fortunately my masters was a bigger lady with a slight mustache so i was confident in my ability to de-escalate the situation unfortunately she had the hand strength of a world-class mountain climber combined with the delicate touch of a brain surgeon she also had no qualms about getting those mitts into some private areas she explored my buttocks and interior thighs in a manner that would make lewis and clark jealous i never stood a chance when it was time to flip onto my back there was no hiding my shame so i embraced it and with my limited spanish whispered locinto poor me chorizo during sophomore year of hs i sat in a group of three in my spanish class i was in the middle of a row with my gay friend chris on my right and this super hot girl named destiny on my left now i was a super seen kid back in hs so my jeans were like skin tight destiny would always flirt with me in class and generally act like a tease i never made any move on her despite this because she had an older and much bigger boyfriend and i wasn't interested in getting my butt kicked so anyway one day in class destiny and i are talking and she says some pretty dirty crap to me then she rubs my thigh and gets up slowly intentionally trying to make me look at her butt being 16 at the time i was full-on boner within seconds so now i'm sitting at my desk with super tight jeans on and a massive boner then my buddy chris gets really excited about something and slaps the frick out of my thigh but he unknowingly slapped the frick out of my dong he was confused at first and then a look of realization grew on his face and he just said oh oh crap i'm so sorry we kinda just sat there in silence and never talked about it again a tl dr hot girl gives me boner in class my gay buddy accidentally slaps my boner comma accident in high school i was really tired one day talking to one of my buddies not like a real close friend but more of a peripheral bro and i was talking about how tired i was because it was early in the morning he said he had some naughty oz caffeine pills and asked if i wanted some i said sure so i took two nados that he gave me then he started busting up laughing and i didn't get the joke what's so funny i ask and he showed me the bottle it was actually his father's prescription vitagra so everyone in the group was laughing their asses off because i just took two videogra then words started spreading around school how i had taken the viagra and everyone seemed to be giving me funny smirks and weird looks i don't really know how the auger is specifically supposed to work so this might be a placebo thing but an hour or so later i had an uncontrollable rock hard erection and had to go to the bathroom to jerk off i came out of there and there was a bunch of people waiting for me and they all started laughing i gotta say it was pretty freaking funny tl dr dude slipped me the ogre as a result i jerked off in bathroom at school that's that's really fricked up this happened last weekend i pick up a girl and take her to a deserted parking lot near a park in some athletic fields we hop in the back and start making out mind you it's around 11 p.m then after about five minutes of making out a couple of lights shine behind the car a ghostly light starts moving toward the car and we huddled together in a corner of the car hey guys what are you doing in there turns out the park was closed after dark and i opened the door to a cop while having a full-fledged boner he politely told us to leave but this is probably one of the most awkward [ __ ] blocks ever story kinda related immediately after losing my virginity in my car behind the movie theater i worked at a very nice lady cop came up and knocked on the window i was in just a pair of boxers and she was in her underwear still we both just looked up at the cop and apologized profusely lady cop was very chill but sat and waited for us to leave i decided to try out this new haircut place and their policy is to give a free scalp massage to new customers hey pretty cool i was the last customer of the day so the two attractive hairstylists were chatting me up as one cut my hair we move on to the massage one lady reclines me back and drapes a hot towel on my face the lady started rubbing my head and at this point after a long hard day i was pretty relaxed the two of them start just talking to each other now my mistake was going to get my hair cut after a shower where i put on sweats without any briefs which i'll never do again the lady starts rubbing my neck and occasionally would run her fingers down my chest it started feeling more like caressing my body than a massage and yeah i got turned on i fought it as hard as i could but nature is relentless i tried covering myself with sweats no underwear and in a reclining position it was too obvious she knew when she was done she gave me this sheepish smile and winter to me as i paid to leave i was playing with my niece at my brother's place she was about eight or nine at the time and i was 19 i think she wanted to play with me so i just kinda did what her dad does with her i picked her up and slo-mo slammed her into the couch we were on tickle her for a second she'd overpower me and sit on me tickle me then i'd break free and pick her up rinse and repeat pretty much well i drink a lot of water i probably drink a glass every hour if not more so we're playing and now she sits half on my bladder and half on lap and starts bouncing of course i end up needing to pee and because of the pressure from my bladder i get an erection i was just going to pick her up and slam her back on the couch and then go take a leak but before i could smoothly transition out of the awkward situation in walks my sister-in-law the mom of said niece and then my niece stops shimmy's on my lap looks down at my lap and she says what's this and grabs my erection through my clothes i immediately pick her up off my lap and just say sorry i gotta go pee to my niece and sort of just awkwardly turned my body away from sis and lore while i essentially ran to the bathroom that sucked there's another one that happened at school but it certainly didn't make me feel as bad as the story i just told got married in vegas when we first chose vegas we thought we would do a quick and easy wedding but as more and more people accepted the invite we realized that we needed to put on a bigger more traditional event as we had guests traveling from far and wide to attend we booked a venue for the wedding reception had a dj food first dance open bar cake cutting etc as the night went on one of my mates came up to me and had noticed that i was definitely making the most of the open bar so he gave me a wedding present a viogra pill danny you don't want to fail to perform tonight pal cheers mate the reception came to an end and our limo showed up to take us to our suite that had been booked for the wedding night my wife came up to me and mentioned that a lot of the guests were heading over to mgm grand to keep drinking and we should go and have a few more drinks before heading back to the hotel no problem i said drinking in vegas is like a time warp and before we knew it it was 7am and we jumped in a cab to our hotel with only a few hours to consume at the marriage i was absolutely hammered so i took the viagra pill just to be on the safe side mission was accomplished twice once in the hot tub after very little sleep we are getting texts that everyone is going to hang out by the pool so off we went to join them i had never taken viagra before and didn't realize how long the effects can last but it didn't take long for me to find out minding my own business in the pool drinking a beer surrounded by beautiful women enjoying the vegas sun i sprang into action it was a bit awkward but i tried to ignore it but it kept getting worse the more i tried not to think of it when you're wearing only swimming shorts there's nowhere to hide it that's when the worst possible thing happened mother-in-law shouts okay everyone group picture everyone to the side of the pool crap slowly everyone starts exiting the pool as mother-in-law assembles them in line for the photo danny come on no haha don't be silly hurry up no why air i don't want to at this point i'm looking like the biggest brick on the planet mother and father-in-law aunts cousins uncles all shouting at me to come into the picture you're the groom for frick's sake come and stand next to your wife by this point other holidaymakers were starting to stare i just stood and watched they took the picture without me my wife on the verge of tears and everyone wondering what the frick my problem was that was my most awkward boner and it warns me to this day please please tell your wife no the actual reasoning for that i was in our high school theater production of cats the musical we all had to wear full body leotards with a tail wrapped around our waist so during intermission i had to be so freaking bad but there was only one bathroom that girls had dominion over so my only chance was to run out the back door and be behind our school dumpster however the tail around my waist was too tight and it was like 20 degrees so my hands were numb and couldn't get it loose so i'm trying to slip the leotard under the tail to no avail i barely get the tip out of the small area between the tail tire my underwear and leotard and only could manage small squirts over and over it was actual heck so after five minutes of torture i finally feel like i'm gonna survive so i go to pack up and when i slip it back into my leotard i feel a rush of it just spurt out on in two minutes i'm in on the opening scene i rush back up into the back room and seize an opportunity to get into the bathroom to get a better look yeah there's noticeable stain so i proceed to grab every paper towel wet it and rub all over my groin in an absolute panic i shouldn't have rubbed so hard but hey if i didn't i wouldn't be here so after about two minutes of making things better i emerge from the bathroom about to take the stage with a stiffy i'm in a leotard i'm going to be literally in front of a spotlight i get to my position and realize this the scene i have to jump on the evil cat's back and get thrown off before i jumped out and was standing behind two girls who just stared at my crotch and giggled to each other one of them looks up and asks if and stuffed my pants i don't respond the time comes in this poor innocent mormon boy who was cast ironically as the evil cat is gonna get it keeping my arm kind of in front of my crotch level to the stage side i come running out like the hunchback of notre dame and jump on the back of this kid my soaking wet donga going down his spine as i fall to the ground towards the curtain so no one would see my shame however the next minute on stage was silent cause all my cast members saw bright as day what i just had ended i got the best fight scene trophy from that my my junior year i also didn't show up to school that next week i was in my advanced individual training for the us army basically the school you go to after basic training that teaches you the actual job you'll be doing in the army i'm student first sergeant at the time which means when we form up i'm at the front of the formation and well one morning at about 3 am the sergeant on duty finds someone out of bed and calls everyone down to formation so as to punish us this particular sergeant also happens to be a smoking hot asian chick with badass tattoos all upper legs that i had a habit of hitting on and she had a habit of beating the crap out of me whenever i did of course it's 3 am so i have morning wood and i'm wearing pt shorts so i decide to do the old texas tuck up into the waistband run outside and stand in front of the formation while i'm standing there shock 91 junior goes soft on me not all the way soft just enough to slip out of the waistband and you can't move in formation so i can't readjust then smoking hot sergeant walks out i call my formation to attention and lo and behold my dong follows orders real well but sergeant doesn't say a word walks up in front of me stares at me then looks down at my dong and back up at me she then says quiet enough that only i can hear excited to be here i decided frickit let's go all out with this and said excited to see you sergeant she dismissed the rest of the company to go back to bed and proceeded to beat the crap out of me again i was at a party post high school with a bunch of friends and my old high school crush was there the party dined out after a couple of hours because it seemed that everyone was having a party that night there was probably about 15 of us i was the dd that night because i wasn't the biggest drinker and i was also the farthest away so it was easier to pick everyone up on the way and drop everyone off on the way home after on match of b a pong during which my partner did all the drinking i sit down to watch the next match my crush then comes over and just plops down in my lap and we start talking i had to constantly [ __ ] in my seat to hide the dang thing which made it worse because her butt would brush against me every time i shifted after about an hour she finally got out of my lap and left with her ride a few years later we cross paths again she's now married but she brought up the party and apologized for what happened she knew what was going on and the fact that she was a little buzzed she decided to have a little fun with me she apparently kept shifting close each time that i moved she was teasing me and we both knew it if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 13,403

Rating: 4.9348536 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap, reddit awkwrad stories, embarrassing moments, embarrassing reddit stories

Id: W8ae3da1wDQ

Length: 24min 15sec (1455 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 18 2020