Greatest Moments From Series 2 | Only Fools And Horses | BBC Comedy Greats

hold that speaker yeah well i only bought it for the party didn't i gave it back to you the next day well all right the next week anyway you're not honestly trying to tell me that you've only got one speaker or just one blimey what a way to run a railway station anyway look never mind about your rotten speaker now listen this is a once in a lifetime offer how would you like to buy a genuine mink coat for 50 quid no no it's not ben now the reason why it's so cheap is because it's ethiopian mink ethiopium yeah i got this contact in babylon [Music] yeah oh well the only difference between ethiopian mink and ordinary mink is the color yeah that's right um yeah what's the color of them coats that we got in a garage table yes they're tabby no they're a sort of um mottled grey with delicate highlights in black and white i'll pop one around you shall i yeah you ain't got a dog have you no no look but i'm only asking you to look at it i don't want you to feed it or nothing yeah yeah all right yeah i understand winston yeah okay yeah alright see you around pal oh well you win some you lose some nothing ventured nothing gained it's well birth ala mode as the french say what's the dog wrong no nothing's wrong things couldn't be better rodney this time next year we'll be millionaires right here get the path under toilet into the back of the van and we'll see if we can make it that's it off you go do you play cards again last night yeah yeah that's right grandad you know me hey eu dares wins how'd you get on i lost i even had mum's lucky rabbit foot with me brought me about as much luck as it did the rabbit you want to ease up with this gambling deal boy i've seen too many good men finish up in the gutter chasing easy money yeah it's that boise in it you know boy she's a secondhand car dealer from lewisham i have never seen anyone so lucky at cards grand theft it's all for big money and all you aren't using a marked deck is he what no we're close friends anyway he knows i'd break his arms well i were in a card school once where the cards was marked i lost a fortune well you knew they were marked oh yeah i marked them i was never much good at cards stone me never mind oh yeah yeah this boise fella does he likes spinning the old coin dell you know double or quits well yeah him he likes any form of gambling didn't he oh well here dale you trying with this it's a double-edged coin what double it i thought you only saw these in them old british movies scotch bloke give me that during the war i remember it like it was yesterday his hands was trembling and his voice was just a whisper he said i want you to have something to remember me by trotter take me lucky coin then he he went well he died desert it you couldn't blame him the way them germans was carrying on someone was gonna get hurt trig i'm pressing my rock forget it you yeah you're gonna have my car cheers tree you're a real pal right so that's my jewelry right in triggs car that's a good it must be joking i sold it to him if you will what will you get your money back won't you so that's my jewelry triggs card the stereo and the tellies still don't count to a thousand though all right all right tell you what i'll do it's my jewelry triggs card a stereo and the tellies and everything in the flat right the cooker the fridge the deep freeze the beds the wardrobe our clothes what's your bloody game dale it's all right trust me rodney he's bluffing have faith in me all right dell boy as soon as i we're friends i will accept all that as a bed of a thousand pounds what you got i've got kings how many under 12 catra four i didn't know you were good at math though i thought you were bluffing oh no no no no no no belle boy no you're nelly huffle it was bluffine you berk what did you have dale two pair two pair you went all that way on two wrong paths i thought he was bluffing well he bloody well wasn't wasn't i couldn't give us a left arm could you dave yeah good as it goes i'll drop you off on our way to the river well dale i'll send a boys round in the morning for the stuff it really pains me though it really does pain me what you do what do you mean what am i doing i'm picking up my wedding's though that's what i'm doing oh no no no me old mate no no not on your nelly you know the rules of the game all cards must be shown before the winnings are collected leave it out will you doubt you've only got two pair no no trig nice all right let dill have his little moment come on dale let's see your two pair well we've got a pair of aces yeah and i got another pair of aces [Applause] that's four races [Music] i didn't know that you were good at maths either four aces i've never seen it before four i see for bloody aces he's got corrases see i thought dill boy might have something up his sleeve [Music] oh my oh look at all that lovely money told you i could do it oh wait rodney now careful what is your game well done dell thanks nicely played you get those four bloody aces from same place you got them kings i knew you was cheating boise oh yeah now because that wasn't the end that i dealt you hello oh you found it good twelve hundred pounds you sure you're looking at the right paperwork yes two louis the fourteenth chandelier that's right but how to arrive at a figure of 1200 pounds all you've got to do is to take the things down clean them do a few minor repairs yes i am aware that it is 17th century french crystal i own the damn things yes i know it's a job for an expert that's why i got in touch with you but i'm sure if i shopped around i could find a lower estimate than that yes i know that it is a dying trade but there must be someone somewhere i mean this is beautiful in it mate bet you build a few balls in here my lady what yes we have we like a nice social gathering ourselves perhaps you'd like to come to the next one hey rodney yeah yeah i mean you know just bring a bottle in an lp something thank you for the cat mr trotter it blends so well with the rest of my collection especially with the dresden i thought yes i'm sorry we weren't able to pay you for it but neither my husband or i carry cash oh don't worry pay me next time i'm down yes of course what do you mean next time do you mean to say you're coming here again whatever ball to pick up that five are she housing a la mode along mahoud please accept it as a token of my steam thank you yes it's getting late i think we better say goodbye mr um yeah well thank you very much for your hospitality be very nice of you oh now look at that that's beautiful anyway yes goodbye french crystal yes it is actually yeah 40 watts you can always tell by the older cut the droplets 17th century that and it granted yeah if you like gil yeah i'll tell it's one of the louise's if it ain't one of the louises it's very similar oh yeah now don't tell me i can get this that is louis xiv am i right your lordship spot on trotter how'd you come to know so much about chandeliers huh how come we know so much about chandeliers [Laughter] oh sorry about that amusement there you lordship but see asking a trotter if he knows anything about chandeliers he's like asking mr kipling if he knows anything about cakes this is our business oh yeah quality crystal and what have you it's been the family trade for generations but knowledge has been passed down from father son how name goes right back in history yeah yeah right away back to the plague our forefathers used to make them did you know there are still four trotters hanging in buckingham palace that's amazing no straight up of course what was the advent of solar energy and fluorescent light and there's not much call for it nowadays in recent years we've tended to specialise in the older renovation work do you mean to say that you get you can take that thing down and and clean and repair oh yeah do that blindfold anyway we mustn't keep you any later so i'm going to say bomboosh to you no harry trotter no hurry i i just remembered i've got a bottle of rather special pork through there in the study what say we open it and i have a bit of a chatter oh that's very civil of you my lord all right granddad you pop upstairs and get the floorboards out now you know what you're doing don't you don't you worry till leave it to me right nice craftsman wait granddad do you want a gemmy no i have one before we left [Laughter] why does he have to remove the floorboards what is this the international year at a wally brain or something listen my good man how do you think that great big heavy chandelier stays up there on that ceiling eh it is not by the power of prayer or double-sided sticky tape there is a long freddie bolt through that chandelier it goes through a wooden joist and is held in position by a locking knife now in order to undo the locking nut you must first lift up the floorboards oh dear the jeweler we learned something new every day if you need me i should be around at the garages right yeah while you're there give the van a wash will you ah talking to wally brains hey come on wait watch that i mean this is terrific isn't it what these lordships know where to be seen and now even the butler's having a movie jeremy gonna get paid look his lawship is away on holiday he'll pay us when he gets back come on get these ladders up yeah you never know might be in for a bonus oh yeah perhaps he might bring us back a nice thicker rock each eh just shut up moaning will ya wait granddad how you doing all right dell boy [Music] oh fanny dill yeah he's found in that i told you we could trust him come on don't you touch nothing till we tell you come right on anything you want yeah i want to go home that is all right look this is the chance i've been waiting for but don't let me down rodney now don't let me down all right all right granddad we're ready you can start undoing it now he's coming girl boy one more turn dale oh yeah now brace yourself rodney [Laughter] [Applause] [Applause] i was undoing the other chandelier how can you tell [Laughter] all right dear boy all right i mean all right look at it how could we drop it we wasn't even old in it we was working on that one well i wish you'd have said something i was working on this one watch it there you go though oh cheers this is the life a rodders when we become millionaires we'll move out get villa get grand dad one of those little old folks homes how about you what old folks honestly have out here you know we saw them in the oddity brochure i call them uh yeah pensions granddad i got your law girl granddad you granddad roddy has a longer for you you want to act your age a bit more that could have blinded me come here i don't want nothing to drink going back to the hotel and have a fiesta directly he's all right you've been acting all edgy you're nervous ever since we got here maybe it's that squiddy yet grabbing your hoteling up too much is it oh you can say that again you've about that soup last night called it oxtail it was more like foxtail wouldn't it you directly sickening for anything there no it's probably just the heat he's not as young as he used to be is he here roddy put someone out all on my back with you now is it going bone chef said i'm sorry look i'll go after the room get your fresh shirt all right yeah why don't you do that small thing rodney all right vu [Music] okay hey jackie hi join me for a drink i would love to i think i got stuck with that little french fella over there [Laughter] i don't worry about him pull up a pew he won't bother you with me around yeah or brexit just we frontiers thank you waiter i hope he doesn't kick sand in my face [Laughter] shut up with you i was just about to pull a french sword yeah you got can we may now come on what's the matter his granddad granddad easily i told you there was something that met with him but you wouldn't listen to me would you he's not ill what's up with him he's been arrested oh come on sorry just a minute i mean excuse me i know i may be being a wally or something but you can you possibly explain to me what a dole q in peckham has got to do with the spanish civil war i'm building up to it dale having a conversation with him he's like a slow death in it one day me and my mate nobby clark we decided we had just about enough of it so we ran off to join the foreign legion the foreign legion you don't mean the british legion the french foreign legion camels and forts you know so we hitchhiked to southampton that's where their headquarters was no that's where we tried to get on board the boat well eventually we stowed away on a steamer we hid under the top pulling in the lifeboat but oh the voyage was terrible there was storms and gales house trials have never made good sailors now knobby was he was all right on the water i think it come from the time when he was a caretaker a siemens mission in grimsby i don't want to worry you know but our plane leaves in three days what happened in spain well i'm just coming to it oh now where was i you and the fisherman's friend were under a tarpaulin in the lifeboat oh yeah well when the ship finally docked guess where we was spain no tangiers granddad is it worth me making any plans for my future i mean what's all this got to do with a foreign legion oh tangiers was one of their main bases wasn't there is he any normal person who wanted to join the french foreign legion would have gone to france wouldn't they not him no well we jumped ship and made our way to their barrels oh when we got there we couldn't believe our eyes they was the biggest band of cut throats and villains and murders you could ever hope to see they was the scum of the earth so you didn't join we tried but they wouldn't have us well now me and nobby was in dead lumber he had no money he had nowhere to sleep and we was a thousand miles from home but then we had a bit of luck well it were more a quirk of faint really we bumped into an arab and he offered us a job he said he'd pay us to take his motor launch over to the spanish coast and deliver a cargo or sort of cargo guns guns you mean you were gun running in the middle of a civil war well that's the best time to do it dirty little mercenary oh we didn't do it purely for financial gain oh no we both felt a deep commitment to a political cause which side were you selling to well whichever side had the most money bloody yeah well no it's all right rodney no i mean you know a conscience is nice but business is business right well it was after the seventh trip when they had penned there was government troops laying in wait for us they arrested us and they took us to this little prison outside a town called therefore they took knobby away and tortured him you could hear his screams echoing through the night woke you up at one point didn't he the last thing on my mind was sleep rodney but no matter what they'd done to him nobby wouldn't say a word i bet he didn't even have his calendar bowser to suck did he then it was my turn they tortured you no but they would have done if i hadn't told them everything all right good morning ah good morning good morning mr chin there you are here we are my men are here as promised as you can see they are the best in the business they are in fact the creme de la momph of the painting and decorating world good you repeater no no no he's the painter army's apprentice no they are the best the very best don't worry mr chin in fact china [Laughter] well have you decided what color the walls would be color oh yes yes i mean you don't think that we leave an important decision like that to the last minute do you get that lid off i'm trying yeah well mr chen you see the color that i thought of now you may not agree with me but somehow i think that you will you see what i thought what and you can shoot me down in flames in this one if you like you know with me what have you got the lid off yet no yeah well you see what i thought the color these walls should be blue what i like blue blue ah blue your sands frontiers that is exactly what i thought i thought why don't we paint these walls a nice subtle shade of blue what shade of blue yellow and then i changed my mind and i thought no no not blue no what i thought we'd do is we would paint them gold that is yellow this is gold rodney what was the matter with you are you illiterate or something no i thought of gold because i remembered the name of your beautiful restaurant gold for the golden locust well mr charter i'll leave it to you as long as my kitchen is painted and cleaned up before the health inspector calls all right fine sorry sorry uh how did you know the health inspector's calling i didn't think they warned you or nothing oh i had a telephone call from a man he did not give me his name what he tells me get your kitchen painted oh you'll be in big trouble john huh john john yeah john john you know john it's an expression got an expression i know john and all that somebody up there must like him mate i wonder who that anonymous phone caller could have been dale yeah well i don't know don't think we're ever going to find that one out aren't we rodney eh well come on we must now say ciao min okay and let our men get on with their work hey mr king do you think this anonymous person is likely to ring up any other chinese restaurants and tell them to get their kitchens painted great to do something didn't i otherwise would have been lumbered with all this paint right now listen i'm gonna take these boxes with me right so rodney you have to water that lock down a bit no it's all right it's all right because you don't want to put it on too thick do you because the plaster's done too kosher just remember a little dab will do you right little dab will do you hey what about all this grease some filth old boy you arranged for anyone to clean it up of course i have what do you think i am a cowboy or something there's a tin of ajax and a rubber glove in that bucket no easy on the ajax see ya he said they used that stuff to paint signs in tunnels well how can you see a sign in a tunnel it's black honey no this is luminous pain it's luminous granddad that means you can see an illuminous bloody luminos what do you mean you thought i knew you didn't tell me where do you think i am physical something do you want to do want it no i don't want it you can stick it up i'm not in granddad hello oh hello mr chin no no dell's gone out i'm not sure where you're going to go [Laughter] give it to me the old get now sit down before i knock you down hello hello to mr chin how are you don't you hello mr chin me huh now listen tell them not to be frightened because this is a new uh energy saving pain we're using yeah it's designed to cut down on the old electricity bills i get from this contact in um stockholders stock stockholm stockholm oh yeah yeah because you see the norwegians they uh lead the world in paint technology yeah yes it's i understand right you're about to see your first thing in the morning does he want his money back no he wants you to go around tomorrow and do out his living room in it i'll have that other box of paint off you oh my god something wrong dil what have i done it's all your fault it's your fault you and your stupid paint what you've done hey now listen rodney now listen now you've got understand right that i did it in good faith goodbye in good faith i'll show you cohen you better get your coats wait a minute take a look at that oh my good gold who you've been for the past couple of days painting mum's monument what's her favorite color and we both agreed it needed brightening up looks more like a rocket launch well i didn't know it was going to be luminous did i do you realise our mum's grave is now going to become a beacon for every satanist and acid head in england there's going to be white witches dancing around that on a full moon it's gonna be chicken's blood everywhere what worries me it's on the main flight path to ethro i wish you two can see yourselves there's mum and her monument she's fast asleep the third coat's hardly dry and already a quivering in your shoes well i'll tell you this much i don't regret that i did it and i will not bow my head to any snotty nose town all clarks and their narrow minded rules i shall look them straight in the face and i'll say i am the man that's responsible and i'm proud of it i mean the thing is arthur you and me was used to be friends once something there ain't no point in old and the grudges there i know what happened to nigel it would have annoyed me but well it was a long time ago so why don't we just let bygones be bargains eh well you never frightened me with all that old tosh about a curse i mean i i ain't the superstitious type in fact i don't know why i'm talking to you now well i know you can't hear me arthur that is what you think trot on [Laughter] you mean you can't hear me you're coming through learning on a cv rubber duck is it forgiveness that you seek trotter well yeah i'm really very sorry for what's happened arthur ah but how do i know that you mean it oh i do offer i do really i'll do anything to prove it to you arthur anything you say all right then tell me where your money's hidden [Laughter] i got no money oh don't give me that you lied i'll get i know you're all right for a few bob i don't want to know where it is hidden they sent me suitcase under my bed no i ain't no look [Laughter] you've been under my bed i've been everywhere trucker i am always with you on those cold winter nights when your two grandsons rodney and the good looking one are out have you never felt a presence i am the chill wind that wakes you in the dead of night i am the movement in the curtains [Laughter] i am also the creaking of the [Music] floorboards even when you're alone i am keeping you company [Laughter] [Music] what's all that about who is here oh sophie was holding a sales with his little mate arthur you never underestimate the powers of the unknown deal boy what i say is get the matches out of this house why don't you try and get in touch with trigger get him to take him away but what do you think i've been trying to do all evening i've left messages for him everywhere and he'll be going off for a free holiday soon looks like we'll have to dispose of him ourselves then yeah it looks like it suppose that's the least we can do is to give him a dignified send-off well anyway we can't give anyone a dignified send-off at three o'clock in the morning right so we do it tomorrow [Music] magic innate the old irish tumble dryer boy you weren't were you of course i weren't what do you think i am a philistine or something could be a sign you know what our failure to get rid of the contents of that urn it could be a sign that we didn't ought to dabble in that sort of thing what are you going on about well look we're walking straight into the unknown here aren't we i mean you don't know what strange dark powers we might evoke i'll give over you to heart we think the bogeymen are going to come around and get us in our flat if they do they'll be too knackered to do any aunting their lips are broken down again yeah well as far as i'm concerned dale you can scrub around it all right i'll give you a church jumble sale or something i've washed me hands of him listen now don't be a blanker there were three hundred quid and you don't go giving our national treasures the jumble sales do you hey i mean just think what we could do with 300 quid eh get you a nice pair of dungarees [Music] [Laughter] that thing's just sucked up our room oh my god what was your little king ah well i thought there was something blocking me toots knock these tubes permanent come on nin is it there ernie oh that's it i never see you oh that's it yeah there you go right and be more careful where you leave your blooming grease should urge in future another union in on this whole world oh my god it's empty it's empty arthur's been sucked up into that field it wasn't our fault though was it rudders me no no it was a complete accident dell totally beyond our control there's no need for us to reapproach ourselves you say no no no there isn't must have been an act to god i mean don't you see the poetic irony of it well arthur used to be a road sweeper to him this must be like a vikings burial maybe you would have wanted it like this maybe i doubt it but maybe anyway somebody phoned the law right and who do they send but a young police woman well of course that was it wouldn't it should have seen him over there what she in his eyes they went all goggly like that but then he was sniffing round her i wasn't sniffing around huh i merely asked her if she needed any assistance oh leave it out rodney there was monkey harris draped over a keep left side it was tommy with the handcuffs on their two wives were fighting like a couple of strays and this plonker here is trying to date the arresting officer you should see that it was pathetic he was going home well um well i'll the only date that you would have got with her was ten o'clock monday morning orchestra road magistrate how's that bacon oh i'll have a look at it good oh she could call round last night yeah what do you want with these watches okay watches watches look tall far bay no they're not knocked off no no he's a comedian in it hmm hey you know these are not bad look at that rodney look at that what do you figure that hey responder civil play innit that one hey they know there is adams uh yeah i reckon that's a long game or a cartier yeah yeah they're four quid each oh oh you stupid old git i told you to look after it didn't i never mind you can have it come on in rodney let's go and see if we can flog some of these watches we'll stop off at sid's place on the way all right all right actually i could do with somebody a week now feel a bit better after that are you done with my stereo dent oh god [Laughter] i see i've dropped the point she also dropped free on saturday they should never have sold greavy should they come on in you fit yeah right right what did you have dell boy oh just a packet of biscuits and a cup of tea soon what did you really have sausage bacon double egg beans and tomatoes mushrooms black pudding and chips three teas two bread bread was toasted no fried slice no not this morning belly's a bit dicky what did you have rodney oh just my usual bacteria on toast you know one day i'll smack him in the mouth yeah if you can find it yeah coming down the next head tonight we've got a couple of strippers on i'm going out tonight oh yeah take that back i want one of them down there i did biscuits all right oh yeah where you going i didn't tell you did i i got a bird sandra sandra what did you meet early she was down a club last night i didn't see you talking to anyone last night not even the bird that you were supposed to be with who was sandra then that uh part-time barmaid was she no it's not a part-time voila she's got a career oh career what is she a lollipop woman policewoman [Applause] [Music] oh well here we are yes here we are do i let you bring a uniform arm chandra yeah sang it in my wardrobe why nothing rodney yes sandra can i ask you something yeah what are you thinking you know you're flat yeah well is there anything in it that's legally yours i recognized a lot of the stuff from scotland yard photos and police five yeah uh well i mean you know you're not interested in the little things that fall off your backs and lorries oh yeah no but i am interested in who pushed him and who picked him up i mean you had three cases of export gin you can't buy that in britain no no we got it on olody oh you smuggle as well oh come on sondra i bought your dona kebab tonight and you gave me a stolen watch no i didn't know that was niche well tell that to the beat rodney you don't seem to realize i'm trying to build a career in the police force now what do you think my commanding officer would do if you found me in possession of stolen property put you in charge of the christmas club more like this is not funny rodney i could end up with the sack which of you two's the culprit you or your brother nice not yes me del del don't know anything about it he's a bit of a wally see well come quietly miss it's a fair cup if i was to carry out my duty to the fuller i'd take you straight down the station now but you did take me to the pictures and you bought me a donut bag and a packet of cashews and a watch oh no forget about the watch now i won't forget about the watch neither will i forget about the others your brother hid down the side of the armchair look i'll give you 24 hours breathing space time to shall we say spring clean your flat and after that i'm coming round with the cid that's 24 hours rodney yeah right reminds me of that gene picnic song you know 24 hours from dartmoor [Laughter] well thanks for a lovely evening soldier thank you rodney but i'll fancy a coffee how to you well there's an all-night sandwich bar down the wall with road oh yeah i might probably pop down earlier sandra will i see you again of course you will i'll be around your flight in 24 hours and in case you don't recognise me in uniform i'll be the one with the warrant well we've got 24 hours dale what as you so rightly say bill rodney 24 hours is better than nothing thanks for being so understanding so i missed you today yeah i missed you yesterday and the day before that and the day before that yeah hamill you know i'm thinking about you all the time oh yeah really oh wait yeah i mean yeah shall i dip my bread in your egg help yourself thanks very much hey no no it's my brother oh yeah yeah okay i'll see you soon of course i do i can't there's people here yeah all right okay see ya bye who was that rodney hi oh uh mickey pierce mickey pierce dale i want your advice i've got a bit of a problem i don't wanna know i don't wanna know i'd rather die in ignorance never been anything like there in our family you're angry about mickey pierce is on ollie in france oh yeah well it wasn't him actually it was a girl don't you ever do that to me again rodney i should be up all night with heartburn so you've got a bird have ya oh well that explains it explains what explains why you've been lollipping about so much for the last week or so you're gonna pull your socks up my son's beginning to affect business how can it affect business well i'll tell you something look titania called irene mckay right she's had 17 quids worth of clothes off you and you're letting her pay you back at 25 pence a week right that means you gotta go around there every week for a year yeah i know i get it roddy's got a mystery tyrant's not a mystery we've just been seeing a lot of each other and well we've become quite close promise me you won't laugh of course i won i think i'm in love [Laughter] oh oh do us a favor rodney only a month ago he was in love with that skinny bird from the dry cleaners now along comes another little girl and you're away again margarite from the dry cleaners was just an infatuation this is the real thing and irene is not a little girl she happens to be a woman a woman right huh he's fallen in love with somebody who's got the vote this time how old is she 20 no she's about 30. i mean about 30. how old is she exactly 40. you're not being serious are you what's wrong with going out with a woman of faulty nothing nothing at all if you happen to be 50. like she's even too old for me well i'd have to think twice granted no he's right rodney he's right i mean when she was drinking frothy coffee with some ted up the lyceum you were struggling to keep your gripe water down oh no bravo this is one problem you're gonna have to solve on your own that's not a problem well something else is there yeah her husband he's not married at all is she oh no he don't live with her he's away well parkhurst what's your game take it easy man you might hurt yourself there's someone there's been dying to meet you oh yeah who's that then me mckay's the name tommy mccain ring a bell does it yeah i think i've heard of it before you bet your life you've heard it before sunshine you've been seen out with my wife chotta guilty or not guilty i was only just having a friendly dream but i'm not a friendly geezer and that kind of thing makes me very angry i'm going to teach you a lesson you'll remember for the rest of your life rodney my old son listen listen let's not be hasty rodney did you say rodney yeah that's right rodney trotter that's you in it [Music] yeah yeah i'm rodney trotter yeah good okay leo give him some air look what you made me do that was a brand new coat that was [Music] oh uh uh brothers guess what i've done for you rogers well if it's another example of your so-called brotherly love you just forget it right as far as i'm concerned deal you're no longer what the bloody hell is that to you i thought i thought no i just you know i just uh walked into a door i did all that yeah well it was a revolving door oh listen listen to this i had a bit of luck tonight i bumped into tommy mckay that was lucky wasn't it huh did he do that no no no no no you didn't do it no no no no it's just i you know i have one too many like you know fell down the stairs at monkey harris's house he lives in a bungalow yeah well he's moved now anyway he's moved just shut up and listen will you well i had a chat with tommy mckay tonight you see and um i managed to do what all the psychiatrists and social workers have failed to do i've rehabilitated him he's seen the error of his ways you know give you no more problems i've left the path clear for you and irene maynard yeah oh that's all over them what well we both had a long chat about it and we decided it was never going to work will it will work i got a box of black magic in the back of the van i've only had one out of it whip it around now go on no that's no good deal i mean it was just circumstances that threw us together wasn't it she was lonely in a strange part of town and well i was just looking for a mother figure i suppose anyway you was right though no no no no i wasn't i wasn't i don't mean about me and irene well what do you mean then well this afternoon i went down a roller disco and i met this bird zoe zoey 18 she is with a body that makes bo derek look assert for plastic surgery irene was just infatuation but this is love boy here she is now all right babe this is zoe this is my brother he fell down some stairs nice to meet you yeah we going then yeah yeah right i'll see you later on tell all right wait you can finish that if you want it yeah see you rodders see you zoe i doubt uh i'd have that it'd look terrific show it's the truest bloody words you spoke for ages you

Channel: BBC Comedy Greats

Views: 3,569,836

Keywords: bbc, bbc comedy greats, bbc comedy, comedy greats, british comedy, stand up, Sitcom, Comedian, Comic, Sketch show, only fools and horses, only fools, del boy, trotters, rodney trotter, del trotter, dave trotter, uncle albert, only fools and horses series 2, fools and horses trigger, fools and horses batman and robin, trigger, only fools and horses compilation, only fools and horses best moments

Id: N5eRh3DH-TA

Length: 58min 24sec (3504 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 01 2021