Blackadder in The Trenches | Blackadder Goes Forth | BBC Comedy Greats

tonight Bob the second half starts with corporal Smith and Johnson as the three silly twerps the big joke being there's only two backs me up followed by Boris impersonation of Charlie Chaplin yes Bob take a telegram mr. C Chaplin Senate Studios Hollywood California Congrats stop have discovered only person in world less funny than you stop stop Owen put a PS please please please stop after that we have ladies and gentlemen the highlight of our show I feel fantastic gorgeous Georgina the traditional soldiers drag act you look absolutely lovely sir lying blind all mad lieutenant looks like all soldiers look on these occasions about as feminine as WG Grace what are you gonna give him good well I thought one or two cheeky gags followed by she was only the ironmongers daughter but she knew a surprising amount about fish as well inspired politician made an effort with the dress what about your custom Zbornak Oh a minute sir I see so you're Charlie Chaplin costume consists of that hat except in this box I have a dead slug as a brilliant force mustache yes quite brilliant I hear how Vincent's are you to attach it to your face well I was hoping to persuade the slug to cling on sir all right the slug is dead if it failed to cling on to life I see no reason why I wish to cling on to your upper lip [Music] slugs are always a problem what you got to do is screw your face up like this you see then you can clamp it between your top lip and your nose but no sir sir sir there's a visitor to see you good lord mr. Chaplin this is an honor why calls for some sort of celebration Baldrick bar great and thanks strawberry because because you see this isn't chocolate at all this is bouldering I know I was in fact being sarcastic well I see everything goes above your head isn't it George you should go to Jamaica and become a limbo dancer [Music] [Applause] yes a one-shot evening I've become the most successful impresario since the manager of the Roman Colosseum thought of putting the Christians and the Lions on the same bill sir some people seem to think that I was best you brief or akin the Amazonian rainforests there are tribes of Indians as yet untouched by civilization who've developed more convincing Charlie Chaplin impression what do you think Bob one more [Applause] it's in my blood and in my soul Baldrick put those in some water with you yes sir I need that applause in the same way that that an officer needs his awful go but sir you're bloody Gobert god it's a spanking the beautiful world and tonight's my night I know exactly what I'll say to her darling yes I want to make you happy darling you don't listen how can you tell me what you think I want to make you happy darling I want to build a nest for your 10 tiny toes I want to cover every inch of your gorgeous body and pepper and then sneeze all over your well it's just all so sudden sir I mean the nest bits fine but the pepper business is definitely out Oh dare you tell me how I may or may not treat my beloved Georgina Georgina yes and what yet what I want to say to her this evening oh yes of course all right yes sir listening sir honestly darling you really are the most graceless dim-witted bumpkin I ever met I don't think you should say that [Music] how's that George it's three o'clock in the morning you should be careful wandering around the trench at night with nothing to protect his honor but a crooked box hello captain about time where the hell have you been oh I don't know it's all been like a dream my very first the music the dancing the champagne my mind is a mad world Huff whispered conversations with the promise of indiscretion ever hanging in the air that stowed Melcher try for a snog behind the fruit cup certainly not general behave like a perfect gentleman we tired the moon without talking about everything and nothing the war marriage proposed changes to the LBW rule no she just married is he no no all his life he's been waiting to meet the perfect woman and at last tonight he did some poor unfortunate had old walrus face dribbling in her ear all evening the genie well yes as a matter of fact I did have to drape a napkin over my shoulder yes George are you trying to tell me that you are the generals perfect woman well yes I rather think I am thank God the horny old blighter didn't ask you to marry him not to be honest I'm absolutely certain that I did it was like saying you know the candles the music the huge moustache rosary is a general I don't really feel like it refused you might have had me court-martialed on the other hand of course he's going to give you the Victoria Cross when he lifts up your frock on the wedding night and finds himself looking at the last turkey in the shop you got me squiffy him then when he looked into my eyes and said chipmunk I love you he said my nose looks just like a chipmunk the gorgeous Georgina is in fact a strapping six footer from the rough end of the trench they could precipitate the fastest execution since someone said this guy fawkes bloke do we let him off or what well captain back at it this is an unexpected pleasure what nice to have you back with us a spy catcher Hey ha that silly kid George was right you are a Bally hero wait a minute I thought you liked George that's just my bedside manner what I call my fluffy bunny act sir mr. spy catcher how's it going well not much luck so far I think he might be as difficult to find as a piece of hay in a massive stack full of needles looks like it God because son it can get pretty lonely around here now god it's nice to have someone healthy to talk to cigarette No thank you I only smoke cigarettes after making low so back in England I'm a twenty a day man a man should smoke it acts as an expectorant and gives his voice a deep gravelly masculine - god I love nurses they're so disgustingly clinical tell me captain Black Adder Edmund Edmund well is war is over do you think we might get to know each other a little better yes why not when this madness is finished perhaps we could go cycling together take a trip down to the old Swan at Henley and go for a walk in the woods yes oh we could just do it right now on the desk okay hold Rick you see nurse Mary I need someone to post this letter she's in her office with the captain sir ah poor girl tied to a desk day and night I hear you've been seeing a lot of nurse Mary yes almost all of her in fact she's unbelievable I ruined its are you any closer to finding the spy yes I think I'm getting there George everything all right Smith oh you're excellent smithy you haven't seen any suspicious-looking characters hanging around of you who might be German spies nein nein it's got his work cut out then uncle fritz gasping a bot on the sole of my boot I said they'll find a patch of grass to wipe it on Molly gets shunned in the officers mess sorry about the poem you fellows trod in a bottom can't get rid of the width we could dispense with the hilarious doggy doo metaphor for a moment not a Bosch this is a british trench is it that's a piece of luck thought I'd landed sausage side Martha use your phone if word gets out that I'm missing 500 girls will kill themselves I wouldn't want them on my conscience gonna be on my face hi flash out here yeah cancel the state funeral tell the King to stop blubbing Flash's not dead I simply ran out of juice yeah and before the girls start saying oh what's the point living any more I'm talking about petrol yeah I dumped the kite on the proles so send a car general melt it's driver should do she hangs around with a big knob such abuse for a fella like me look do you think you can make your obscene phone call somewhere else are you Johnny with the wheels right now or I'll fly back to England give you a wife so me to hang out owls on okay boozing let's talk about me till the car comes he must be pretty impressed hunting squadron commander the Lord Flash hard drop in on your squalid bit of line actually no I was more impressed by the contents of my hankerchief the last time a bloomin oh yeah like how you've probably got little pickers of me on the walls of your dug I don't know I bet you go all girly and giggly every time you know unfortunately most of the infantry think you're a prat then who they prefer to meet squadron commander flash heart and the man who cleans out the public toilets in Aberdeen therefore we jock poop on the clock my god yes I suppose I am this is the greatest honor of my life I hope my snuff it right now to preserve this moment forever it could be arranged [Music] right so I can send a letter home about this golden moment so all the fellas hate me eh not a bit of it I'm your bloody hero eh old scut jeez every cigarette card they ever printed of you my whole family took up smoking just so the week my grandmother smoked herself to death so we could have fooled the album cause she did of course she did the pall love-crazed they'll look to genereal all right she first let's sit us down and John about how amazingly attractive I am yes what do you choose me for a moment I've got some urgent business there's a bucket outside I've got to be sick in - all right you chaps let's get comfy you look like a decent British bloke I'll Park the old booties on you if that's ok it would be an order my lord of course it would you any idea what it's like to have the wind rushing through your hair those huh [Music] don't worry all bad I have a lost and I think you'll find decisive witness called planet Baldrick deny everything boric are you private Baldrick no but you are captain Blackadder's batma No unball during me a bit more helpful it's me now isn't must protest quite right we don't need your kind here private get Jorge sum up this right yes gentlemen you have heard all the evidence presented before you today but in the end it is up to the conscience of your hearts to decide and I firmly believe that like me you will conclude that captain Blackadder is in fact totally and utterly duty of nothing more then trying to do his duty under difficult circumstances not since he's a hound and a Rutter he's gonna be shocked however before we proceed to the formality of sentencing the deceased I need the details I think we'd all rather enjoy hearing the case for the prosecution get the darling if you please yeah my case is very simple I called my first witness General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay magic general did you own a lovely plump special a pigeon called speckled Jim which you hand-reared from a chick and which was your only childhood friend and did Captain Bligh kerachut the aforementioned pigeon yes he did [Applause] I therefore have absolutely no hesitation in announcing that the sentence of this Court is that you'll get the ribbon black area be taken from this place and suffer death by shooting tomorrow at dawn do you have anything to say yes could I have an alarm call you mind if i disturb it in a moment sir no no not at all my diary is pretty empty this week Thursday morning get shot yes that's about it actually it's just as a few chaps out here would like with with chinwag lovely I was keen to be new people corporal Jones and privates Frazer a zombie soon and chip away the pros oh well nice of you to drop by and what do you do where your firing squad sir [Applause] of course you are good-sized chest shut up like so you see as far as squads are a bit like taxman sir everyone hates us but we're just doing our job Emily my heart bleeds for you well sir we aim to please [Laughter] you see so we take pride in the Terminator II service we supply so is there any particular area like us to go for we can aim anywhere well no case just above my head might be a good and all of a sudden the job doesn't seem quite so bad after all this is a lovely room e4e pulsing jugular there as well I'm sorry I know you mean to be friendly but I hope you won't take it amiss if I ask you to sort off and die of course not sir no one likes being shot first thing in the morning doing their course so look forward to seeing you tomorrow sir you'll have a blindfold on of course but then you recognize me I'm the one that says ready aim fire can I ask you to leave a pause between the word aim and the word fire 30 or 40 years really wish I could but I can't you see cuz I'm a gambler me [Music] spices to the mall gets people's gold tooth this is an old trick I picked up in the Sudan we tell HQ that I've gone insane and I will be included back to Blighty before you can say war gormless idiots go on the poor homeless idiots urn I've never been in village it back to Blighty yes Rory but you never said some simple questions right what is your name rabble what is 2+2 oh where do you live London hey a small village on Mars just outside the capital city all men present and correct sir ready for the off a I'm afraid not leftenant I'm just off to Hartlepool to buy some exploding trousers but you've gone barking mad yes I have jibber jabber my old man's a mushroom as ever yo send a runner to tell general Melchett but your captain has gone insane I must return to England at once it's so awfully ghastly for you I mean I'll miss the whole rest of the war yes very bad luck beep beep I'll be back as soon as I can haha whatever you do don't excite him fat chance now all we have to do is wait Bullock fix us some coffee William and try to make it taste slightly less like mud this time no easy on the fried captain why is this who see he's mad right now coffee 13 months ago so every time I've drunk your coffee since I have in fact been drinking hot mud sugar which of course makes all the difference well I would do if we had any sugar but unfortunately we ran out New Year's Eve 1915 since when I've been using sugar substitute which is Bandra brilliant still I could add some milk this time well saliva no Thank You boric call me mr. picky but I think I'll go first probably cuz you're mad sir well white didn't go down at all well I'm afraid sir captain darling said they'd be along directly but well you better be pretty dumb to Lally don't worry George I am okay when they get here I'll show them what totally enough leave bunker Unni means what God bugger all to do except wait well I don't know so we could uh we're gonna have a jolly game of charades oh yes and sing-along of Music Hall hits like Birmingham Bertie and whoops mrs. Miggins you're sitting on my artichokes yes I think my girl might be rather more mission to ask a question sir permission granted Warwick as long as it isn't the one about where babies come from the thing is the way I see it these days there's a war on right and ages ago there wasn't a war on right so there must have been a moment when they're not being a war on when away right and there being a war on came along so what I want to know is how did we get from the one case of affairs to the other case of affairs do you mean how did the war start yeah the war started because of the vile Hutton and his villainous empire building George the British Empire at present covers a quarter of the globe while the German Empire consists of a small sausage factory in tangu meat oh I hardly think that we can be entirely absolved from blame on the imperialistic front oh no no sir absolutely not ma'am captain darling captain bagging up here to join us for the last waltz um yes tired of folding the generals pajamas well this is splendid comradely news together we'll fight for king and country and me sucking sausages in Berlin by teatime as I hope that cafes are well stocked everyone seems determined to eat out the moment they arrive this is brave splendid noble sir yes obscenity I'm scared sir I'm scared too sir I mean I'm the last of the tiddlywink elite Froggers from the golden summer of 1914 I don't want to die ready well over keen on dying at all sir how are you feeling darling not all that good black at it rather hoped I'd get through the whole show go back to work at Pratt & Sons keep wicked for the Croydon gentlemen married Doris made a note in my diary on the way here simply says get your stick listen rose huh wouldn't want to face a machine-gun without this [Music] listen our guns have stopped you don't think maybe the war's over maybe it's peace ohhara the big knobs have got around the table and yanked the iron out of the fire thank God we lived through it the Great War 1914 to 1917 I'm afraid no the guns have stopped because we're about to attack not even our generals are mad enough to show their own men they think it's far more sporting let the Germans do it we are going over they cease as they say it I'm afraid so unless I can think of something very quickly well there's a nasty splinter on that ladder sir bloke alert himself on there I have a plan sir rally Borek a cunning and subtle one yes sir as cunning as a fox who's just been appointed professor of cunning at Oxford University [Music] well I'm afraid it'll have to wait whatever it was I'm sure it was better than my plan to get out of this by pretending to be mad I mean who would have noticed another madman around here good luck everyone [Music] you [Music] you

Channel: BBC Comedy Greats

Views: 3,150,533

Keywords: bbc, bbc comedy greats, bbc comedy, comedy greats, british comedy, stand up, Sitcom, Comedian, Comic, Sketch show, rowan atkinson, hugh laurie, stephen fry, blackadder 3, lord flashheart, rik mayall, melchett, melchett blackadder quotes, the blackadder, blackadder goes forth, cunning plan, baldricks, baldrick blackadder, baldrick best moments, baldrick i have a cunning plan, blackadder season 4, blackadder 4 quotes

Id: RcIV5tU_Zik

Length: 27min 35sec (1655 seconds)

Published: Wed May 20 2020