BEST MOMENTS EVER: 40th Anniversary Compilation | Only Fools and Horses | BBC Comedy Greats

are we all here now joe no we're just waiting for rodney he's reporting into headquarters hi cass it's me roddy i've been waiting for your call all day so how are you oh we're fine uh listen we're at the coach park we'll be off in a couple of minutes [Music] [Music] yeah you won't tell my governor what happened in william i'll get the bullet if he found out about this leave it out harry what sort of bloat you think i am i had one glass of lemonade in that pub i don't know what happened oh felt strange it was as if i'd been overcome by fumes or something yeah well whatever it was it's lucky we had denzel about what it meant no no no he's a good bloke there denzel he's one of the best one of the very best deal what does that dipstick want now smoke coming from the radio well you must have pressed the wrong button or something oh look i'll come and sort it out so how's your day been oh usual sort of thing oh stephen phone this morning today yeah he found that holiday bro she had been telling us about mommy called around to see if i'd like to have some lunch with her then the kent police constabulary phone to confirm that you lived at this address that was nice of them wasn't it it's not supposed to do that is it no well it wasn't in the brochure at least wait boise [ __ ] here come here yes what is it look you see dale said give me the ball i might have guessed dell would be behind it somewhere no he didn't mean to get me into trouble well he never does does he yet it seems every time dale's around you something goes wrong when you're at the sticky end of it not every time what we supposed to do about it well i'd switch it off if i was you delp the main petrol line runs right underneath there nightly wait so ben we got to do something about this someone get some water good idea water we need loads of water and his coach fitted with a fire distinguisher abandon ship come on get off there and what about that time he entered one of your paintings in a competition and you won first prize in the under 15 category yes i do seem to recollect it but i don't think you can i have to spend a week in new york posing as your common law stepmother come on in everybody hurry up lively all right look i agree that dale gets a bit out of hand but i think it's unfair to say that everything he touches goes wrong [Music] our coach is just blown up don't worry i won't tell your governor about it [Music] did i tell you what counselor murray said to me when she give me this medal yes trigger you are pouring the pants off me with this party no she said i thank you on behalf of the council and the people of peckham good morning sid what do you fancy brothers uh i have a choice wrong one cheese roll i still find it hard to believe so do i medals for road sweepers good god they'll be giving del boy an award for good taste next you know well i don't thank god you've arrived he could bore you two with it now trigger's got a medal oh yeah where'd you find that entry no i was awarded it look it's a picture of me receiving my medal from councillor murray see that's me oh that's sure i'm glad you cleared that up if you haven't looked at that many treatments oh right so that's that counselor murray is it she's the old cow that refused my application for a council grant i've never been so humiliated in my life derek when you have the time you must tell me all about it hey that means some of your friends down at the masonic lodge have got influence in the town hall no it's just that i've often wondered what it must be like to apply for a council grant the day started off so well didn't it it's councillor murray's idea she's head of finance and facilities at a town hall and she says that local people should be rewarded for services to the community a proud moment in my family's history trigger you haven't got a family history you were created by a chemical spillage at a german warfare factory somewhere off the depth of hospital maybe but i still feel proud so what exactly is the award for for saving the council money i am to mention to her one day that i've had the same broom for the last 20 years i'm very impressed and said have a medal 20 years it's a long time dave yeah well that's two decades i wouldn't go that far [Laughter] just a second if you've had that broom for 20 years have you actually swept any roads with it well of course but i look after it well we have an old saying that's been handed down by generations of road sweepers look after your broom would your crew look after you no don't it's just look after your broom yeah and that's what i've done i've maintained it for 20 years this old broom has had 17 new heads and 14 new handles in its time how the hell can it be the same bloody broom well here's a picture of it what more proof do you need 45 000 i'm selling at 45 000. sold at 45 000 uh paddle number 674. now we come to lot 73 a solid silver pocket marine time keeper this was found in london by two brothers unfortunately they held onto the piece for 16 years believing it to be a victorian egg timer the most significant discovery in horological terms of this century the watch has been authenticated and accepted by all the leading experts as being the last watch ever made by john harrison it is the fabled h6 the until now mythical lesser watch i feel i need say no more i'd like to start the bidding at 150 000 pounds [Applause] that's when i come over real bad me who went on dale 200 250 free oh that's when i dragged you out you mean it ended up at 300 000 pounds it's still going on oh come on let's get back up here three and a quarter the bid is in the room three and a half three 350 000 quid three and three quarters four thank you the bid stands at four million [Applause] so what was the final outcome it was bought by an anonymous bidder he's giving it to the maritime museum at greenwich so at least it stays in the country oh yeah well that's nice in it oh you wally that was the final score what exactly did it go for oh 6.2 million so that's just over three million each well we've had worse days do you want to go first or should i well you know why don't we go together yeah yeah one two three [Applause] the pubs are going to be chucking out soon they'll tear us to shreds you know what harry's place is nearer than our places do you know we could be there in five minutes if we ran we'll be seen we mean bc no no all the streets are empty look at me at the moment but i guarantee the second i'll step out of this van a thousand people are gonna pour out of a place where a thousand people are no not if we go through the back streets and the back alleys because the only people there are the winos and the crackheads aren't they and let's face it they see batman and robin every night of the week five minutes five minutes that's all we run i'm going now tom i'll see you out good night councillor murray good night tom sorry miss you seen a placement randy no i haven't thank you so many what are you doing tom [Music] someone shut her up [Applause] gary [Applause] [Music] what's [Music] let's happening murray yes i recognize you from your photograph jericho you may remember me i wrote you some time ago about hell let's go sorry mustache [Music] [Applause] see nowadays these modern euro birds they go for the more mature men who've made it in life yeah is that why we're having no luck i haven't started yet just building myself up to it yeah well you better hurry up and be close in time soon all right all right [Music] i think we're on a winner reach rig all right lay it nice and cool son nice and cool you know what i mean straight up trick three up we're leaving aren't you gonna try for them birds no no you're cramping the style mate well that's all i need isn't it you won't be able to sell the others now dyl too late hunger i've sold them all the site i know you've sold them hmm 70 or 60 quid each i have to give the money back why because they don't work well what do you expect for 60 quid i've been [ __ ] up i'm just passing it on that's all it's business oh don't worry about it everything's going to be custody you are something else you are you're too picky rodney that's your problem [Music] what's that funny sound i don't know what you're looking at me for the most funny sounds in this flat tend to emanate from your vicinity but i didn't do it it's that funny noise well shoes [Music] [Applause] i mean the thing is after you and me was used to be friends once something there ain't no point in holding a grudge is there i know what happened to nigel it would have annoyed me but well it was a long time ago so why don't we just let bygones be bargains eh well you never frightened me with all that old tosh about a curse i mean i i ain't the superstitious type in fact i don't know why i'm talking to you now well i know you can't hear me arthur that is what you think trotter [Laughter] you mean you can't hear me you're coming through learning on a cv rubber duck [Music] is it forgiveness that you seek trotter well yeah i'm really very sorry for what's happened arthur ah but how do i know that you mean it oh i do offer i do really i'll do anything to prove it to you arthur anything you say all right tell me where your money's hidden [Applause] i got no money oh don't give me that you lied i'll get i know you're all right for a few bob i don't want to know where it is hidden they sent me suitcase under me bed no i ain't no look you've been under my bed i've been everywhere trucker i am always with you on those cold winter nights when your two grandsons rodney and the good looking one are out have you never felt a presence i am the chill wind that wakes you in the dead of night i am the movement in the curtains i am also the creaking of the floorboards [Music] with you even when you're alone i am keeping you company who is here oh sophie was holding a sales with his little mate arthur you never underestimate the powers of the unknown deal boy what i say is get them ashes out of this house why don't you try and get in touch with trigger get him to take him away but what do you think i've been trying to do all evening i've left messages for him everywhere and he'll be going off at a free holiday soon looks like we'll have to dispose of him ourselves then yeah it looks like it suppose that's the least we can do is to give him a dignified send-off well anyway we can't give anyone a dignified send-off at three o'clock in the morning right so we do it tomorrow trig i'm pressing my rock forget it you yeah you're gonna have my car cheers tree you're a real pal right so that's my jewellery right in trixx car that's a gooden you must be joking i sold it to him if you will what will you get your money back won't you so that's my jewelry tricks card stereo and the telly's still don't count to a thousand though all right all right tell you what i'll do it's my jewelry tricks card a stereo and the tellies and everything in the flat right the cooker the fridge the deep freeze the beds the wardrobe our clothes now what's your bloody game dale it's all right trust me rodney he's bluffing have faith in me [Music] all right doughboy as soon as i we're friends i will accept all that as a bit of a thousand pounds what you got i've got kings how many under 12 catcher four i didn't know you were good at math though i thought you were bluffing oh no no no no no no dell boy no you're nelly huffle it was bluffine you berk what did you have dale two pair two pair you went all that way on two wrong pair i thought he was bluffing well he bloody well wasn't wasn't i couldn't give us a left arm could you dave yeah good as it goes i'll drop you off on our way to the river well dale i'll send the boys round in the morning for the stuff it really pains me though it really does pain me what you do what do you mean what am i doing i'm picking up my winnings though that's what i'm doing oh no no no me old mate no no not on your nelly you know the rules of the game all cars must be shown before the winnings are collected leave it out will you tell you've only got two pairs well no no trig no it's all right let's do larry's little moment come on dale let's see your two pair well we've got a pair of aces yeah and i got another pair of [Music] aces that's four races i didn't know that you were good at maths either four races i've never seen it before four see so four bloody aces he's got corrases see i thought boy might have something up his sleeve my oh look at all that lovely money told you i could do it tonight oh wait rodney now careful what is your game well done dell thanks nicely played where'd you get those four bloody aces from same place you got them kings i knew you was cheating boise oh yeah now because that wasn't the end that i dealt you so ladies and gentlemen please for rachel and tony [Applause] [Music] i was [Music] as you start to say hello [Music] me [Music] what can i do [Applause] [Music] please [Music] i'll be quiet [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] i'll see you later come on help me out of this mess rodney please come on any ideas anything right yeah all right all right all right we'll just have a look at the problems right look on the one hand right you don't want to fly oh no no no that's all right so on the other end you want to keep your pride intact yeah right right right i've got it right you pretend to be dead keen to get up in them old clouds right right and you put on all the gear and put yourself in a you know glider thing right then at the last minute i come over from the van rushing upright and say we've had an urgent call come through on our car phone yeah it's brilliant hey we ain't got a car phone have we don't be we ain't even got a ready gala who's going to know any different hey and then i say you've got a rush back to london immediately right and you act all disappointed you go oh no but what can you do and then we're in the van and we're away good boy well done well done listen no wait a minute you're all going to stay here though aren't you i'm not be right in here good boy good boy hang on hey uh andy come on then hurry up i'm getting a bit impatient to be off tonight oh yeah beautiful thorny beautiful yeah now uh you remember everything i told you about controlling the glider yeah don't worry and it's all up there down there for dancing [Laughter] uh what are you writing all the thermals and all that all right up there andy oh no no it's one of the best days of the year yeah that's exactly what i thought whenever you're ready doll all right kushty custy this sweats done yeah it's all working yeah [Laughter] is that uh is that our phone i can hear ring in rodney hey [Laughter] i said is that our phone i can hear ringing no are you sure yeah we ain't got a car phone [Laughter] get up as high as you can dare i you might get a tan i'll get you for this one just here for it then [Laughter] yeah yeah i'm going oh my god oh bloody here oh oh they do this for fun oh please let me get back downstairs please let me get down for me it's like oh what's he doing well where's he going i told him to stay close to the ridge well what's over there he's heading out to sea he said they use that stuff to paint signs in tunnels well how can you see a sign in a tunnel it's black honey no this is luminous pain it's luminous granddad that means you can see an illuminous bloody luminous boy what do you mean you thought i knew you didn't tell me where do you think i am physical something do you want my room want it no i don't want it you can stick it up you i'm not in granddad hello oh hello mr chin no no dale's gone out i'm not sure where you're going to go give it to me the old git now sit down before i knock you down [Music] hello hello to mr chin how are you don't you hello mr chin me huh [Applause] now listen tell them not to be frightened because this is a new uh energy saving pain we're using yeah it's designed to cut down on the old electricity bills yeah i get it from this contact in um stockholm stock stockholm stockholm oh yeah yeah because you see the norwegians they uh lead the world in paint technology yeah yes yes i understand right you don't see your first thing in the morning does he want his money back no he wants you to go around tomorrow and do out his living room in it i'll have that other box of paint off you up my god something wrong dil what have i done it's all your fault it's your fault you and your stupid paint what you've done hey now listen rodney now listen now you've got understand right that i did it in good faith goodbye in good faith show you colin you better get your coats wait a minute [Laughter] take a look at that oh my good gold you've been for the past couple of days painting mum's monument what's her favorite color we both agreed it needed brightening up looks more like a rocket launch well i didn't know it was going to be luminous did i do you realise our mum's grave is now going to become a beacon for every satanist and acid head in england there's gonna be white witches dancing around that on a full moon it's gonna be chicken's blood everywhere what worries me it's on the main flight path to ethro wish you two can see yourselves here's mum and her monument she's fast asleep the third coat's hardly dry and already a quivering in your shoes well i'll tell you this much i don't regret that i did it and i will not bow my head to any snotty nose town or clocks and their narrow-minded rules i shall look them straight in the face and i'll say i am the man that's responsible and i'm proud of it well we can't leave him out here can we what you want to do don't find the coast guards i mean a bloody great pike can come up and every supper no one of us is gonna have to go and get him corn rodney i love your shoes hey i ain't going in there this is no time for second faults that is not a butterfly out here that is denzel's money so how come i've got to go in and get it because i'm not a very good swimmer nor am i i know but you're taller than me ain't you taking longer to drown it's only shallow now well i don't know do i get in and see what's rodney doing i know it's the backstroke i think our three grand you see looks out there on that lily pad well i begged him i begged him not to go in but what are you running yeah she's right up your street there isn't he i can't swim girl he used to be a sailor don't mean a thing nelson couldn't swim of course he couldn't he'd only got one bloody arm he had been running circles wouldn't he hey rodney it's he not as bad as your fault is it you pushed me i did not did not push her just gave you a little bit of encouragement anyway come on brothers you're in now yeah i'm getting out now no no no no just a minute just just a minute look not 10 yards up 10 yards from you right he's one of the rarest most beautifulest of god's little tiny creatures and then while he's in that magazine of yours he's gonna give us free graham for it but i don't care eric i'm still getting out listen no listen listen but we give denzel back he's two grand and there's a there's a ground in it for ourselves i thought you said you'd give denzel three grand it's funny that cause denzel thought i said that and all right everyone's a winner hello nice and gently rodney shut up don't splash go slowly don't disturb it i better get a cold next week now oh shut up utah what will make my ear go frizzy don't worry the alopecia will do good air oh careful rodney just remember if you're getting the difficulties save the butterfly all right stuff the butterfly hey stop that there are very few of them things left in the world there are millions of you nice and easy rodney almost there careful got it got it is he all right dale yeah it's a bit wet but you'll survive the old sun will soon dry you out with it then i'm gonna take you down to the nice man who's going to give your uncle belly willy free lovely grain denzel i've got your money great see you down the pub later [Applause] all right granddad you pop upstairs and get the floorboards out now you know what you're doing don't you don't you worry till leave it to me right nice craftsman wait granddad do you want a gemmy no had one before we left why does he have to remove the floorboards what is this the international year at a wally brain or something listen my good man how do you think that great big heavy chandelier stays up there on that ceiling eh it is not quite a power of prayer or double-sided sticky tape there is a long fretted bolt through that chandelier it goes through a wooden joist and is held in position by a locking nut now in order to undo the locking nut you must first lift up the floorboards oh dear the jeweler we learn something new every day if you need me i should be around at the garages right yeah while you're there give the van a wash will ya ah talking to wally brains hey come on wait watch that i mean this is terrific what these lordships know where it'll be seen and now even the butler's having a movie jeremy gonna get paid look his lawn ship is away on holiday he'll pay us when he gets back come on get these ladders up now you never know might be in for a bonus oh yeah perhaps he might bring us back a nice thicker rock each eh just shut up moaning will ya wait granddad how you doing all right dale boy oh fans yeah he's found than that i told you we could trust him like come on get yourself i'm starting to undo it no good buddy we ain't even have the letters yet granddad don't you touch nothing till we tell you come on everybody get up there right needs anything you want yeah i want to go home that is all right look this is the chance i've been waiting for but don't let me down rodney now don't let me down all right all right grandad we're ready you can start undoing it now he's coming girl boy [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] one more turn all right now brace yourself rodney [Applause] i was undoing the other chandelier how can you tell [Laughter] [Applause] [Laughter] all right we mean all right look at it how could we drop it we wasn't even holding it we was working on that one well i wish you'd have said something i was working on this one you

Channel: BBC Comedy Greats

Views: 1,022,876

Keywords: bbc, bbc comedy greats, bbc comedy, comedy greats, british comedy, stand up, Sitcom, Comedian, Comic, Sketch show, only fools and horses, only fools & horses, only fools and horses theme, only fools, del boy, trotters, rodney trotter, del trotter, dave trotter, uncle albert, fools and horses trigger, fools and horses batman and robin, trigger, only fools and horses chandelier, del boy fall, david jason, nicholas lyndhurst, BEST MOMENTS EVER: 40th Anniversary Compilation

Id: gcz0JKjtmvI

Length: 44min 19sec (2659 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 12 2021