Gigolo interview-Nick Hawk

all right nick nick where'd you grow up where are you from originally originally from wisconsin i was born in madison i went to school there a few years then i moved to waunakee wisconsin graduated high school there went to stevens point college for a year wrestled and then ran out of money and joined the air force you're right and what's your childhood like well you don't know better when you're a child you don't know what's going on uh so you try to make the the best of every moment as as people do but when you're you can be you can be a victim and not know it not know what's what's really happening and i've done much dissecting of my childhood and what's happened since then and once again you know at the time i didn't know i didn't i didn't understand the the problems of two kids when they're 20 having a child and what usually happens from that and it's rarely rarely that child develops to be a confident and capable individual very recently and many studies will indicate that they do fall fall off the fall off the track and take bad paths when it comes to drugs other addictions you know depression and not being confident more than anything if when when kids have kids it's rare that they're confident much less they know how to be confident much less they know how to teach confidence much less they know how to teach a child confidence so little to say i had my my struggles i thought i thought i was broken i thought i needed medication i was good at lying and faking my way through everything though so very few people knew of my struggles in in fourth grade i faked a heart attack to get out of answering a question in front of the class i fell to the ground and pretended i was having a heart attack went to the nurse's office and i kind of remember the awkward phone call when they called my mom to tell her that i was saying i had a heart attack i remember feeling that nobody believed me but they had no idea what was going on and that's that continued for for many years couldn't talk to girls it was hard to make friends and i had to wear special shirts in high school that didn't show my my sweat i remember i wore a gray shirt one time and i'd sweat from elbow all the way down here and i had to keep my arms down and i was just in a constant state of panic i had panic attacks in front of my extended family at the dinner table as well i'm i'm curious of how i not only survived but prevailed but i do come to believe that those who suffered the most can be the the greatest warriors absolutely and since you finished with school and all that you you wanted what kind of work well i joined the air force for the gi bill to finish up my my school my mom and dad gave me a little bit of money but they didn't have much for the first year of college i think i took out loans anyway and i joined the air force for the gi bill so i used that i actually transferred in a job that allowed me to take full-time credits luckily i found the the drive or motivation or guidance somewhere to uh to know the importance of getting some sort of degree and i chose english and english bachelor degree which i'm grateful for i think everybody should i think i think it's the best degree out there to start schooling with it helps with analyzing creativity which are very important obviously reading and writing as well so you asked the job after the air force yeah i just wonder what you did when you were kind of finished with your schooling when i okay well so i did four years in the air force and i went to school full time i got most of my school knocked out when i left the air force i had the the biggest crossroads of my life i had about a year left of school and it was either go back to wisconsin and start a grass and snow removal business grass cutting a snow removal business or go to california and pursue dreams of entertainment and uh developing my confidence and becoming something who i really wanted to be and i bought a large trailer and i it came down to the last week when i was getting out i was either gonna i was gonna pack up all my stuff on that trailer and i bought a trailer for lawn mowing it was one that you could drive a lawnmower on and everything but i i needed it regardless to pack all my stuff on and go one of the places and i did chose i do i did choose california i drove down beach boulevard um in huntington beach i got out i got a paper and i looked for somewhere to live and work uh never being there i didn't know one person who lived in california i knew nothing about traffic i wanted to i want to live in the beach cities in orange county and commute to hollywood and i did that for about a year and i got my first gig on tyra banks i was a security guard for the america's next models america's top models whatever that was and i drove like three hours in traffic there and like four on the way back and i'm like okay i gotta move there but uh what i did for work there um waited tables i waited tables okay before i joined the air force i i don't know what is that yeah in between my year of college and before i joined the air force i actually took a year off where i got in a lot of trouble i actually i sold drugs hustled pool did a bunch of bad stuff and i waited tables and bartended at places so i had experience doing that so when i moved to california i did get a job serving tables at mccormick and schmix actually in irvine and shortly after that is when i got the balls to call a company and tell them i wanted to be a stripper when i was 16 there was somebody in the town who was 17 who did that and i remember he could buy he could buy beer and blow and he had a truck and he moved out his senior year and got his own place he had a guitar and i just i not only envied that you know he could support himself by doing this but i envied the courage that it would take to get down to a g string and strip in front of girls i couldn't talk to girls and and i'm like i got it i i got to do this i got i got to figure this out like i saw it as a puzzle a calculation that i had to solve and i got the balls and i called this company in california and i told my experience i figured i'd have to lie to to get in the door and they're like come out this friday we have a show going on and i went to the show and i met the the owner and the main guy who was the cop act who is the cockiest most arrogant person you'll ever meet he's fighting with the owner they're getting into it girls are just screaming i'm throwing money at him and everything though he's everything i wanted to be at the time and the owner called me up a few days later i said so and so got fired you're in next week friday like the cop act so that's how i got my big start i don't remember the beginning too much i found alcohol that helped me get on stage and help me with the girls i'd get sloppy drunk though like i don't remember any of it my my first bachelorette party ever did i remember i did a i was with the boss so i remember i didn't get too sloppy drunk and i did a lap dance for 30 seconds and then i remember thinking to myself what am i going to do for the next 59 minutes and 30 seconds and i blacked out i don't remember anything i remember walking i remember up to that point and then not even leaving through the door but like it kicked back in when i'm in the grass walking towards the car it's it's all gone and yeah it was crazy but apparently i did a good job and i who knows what went down who knows what went down i honestly did not remember it the last 59 minutes and 30 seconds but then i started then i got i got thrown in luckily i had alcohol at the time because i would have been able to do it without it and i did the cop act every once a week for a year and i was doing four or five bachelorette parties every weekend as well i did that for about a year or two then i'm starting my own company explicit strippers and to cut out the middleman i'd give him a 75 show up fee and i would get 75 each show and i keep my tips and this is in what city now towards the end of orange county um yeah i started stripping in orange county and right before i moved to l.a i think i started my company uh but then i started in orange county but i advertised in la orange county san diego eventually i ended up going to hawaii and dallas as well i had i had the the biggest stripping agency on the west coast once once i got it rolling if you googled loss even and then when i moved to las vegas as well if you googled las vegas los angeles orange county san diego hawaii strippers male strippers female strippers any of that i'm top one in just about all of those i had the biggest company i had a lot of people working for me and i started booking go-go dancers in in la as well i was booking the the hollywood men at the abbey in west hollywood um i did a couple fetish clubs as well big a big gay club the abbey is yeah it's it's one of the highest grossing clubs in the world or it was and yeah it's it's gay it's it's higher end and they contacted me because all my strippers were straight and but higher end gay clubs want straight dancers there and so that's why they hired my company i booked it for a few years i booked the the the gay pride parade as well i booked 20 20 guys in white shorts dancing around their their gay pride float for the gay pride it was uh it was a good time so it was fun it was ridiculous but it was fun and then eventually that led to something else right so okay so when i was stripping i was always interested in escorting you know up in my game taking to the next level making more money and i reached out to a few companies once my confidence started developing a little bit even though it was still pretty much the alcohol but i like to think that it was developing a little bit then your confidence doesn't develop until you leave that behind and you start going out there sober but i called a few companies to inquire about escorting and all the escort agencies none of them had any women clients so you'd have to see men and i wasn't willing to to do that most of my dancers a lot of the the straight guys that i knew would do that but i never did and so about a year went by and cowboys for angels contacted me and this was the first exclusive straight mail for a straight female companion website ever done he found me on model mayhem actually and saw that i had stripping experience he liked my look over six foot um a few other things that went into that equation and he went on tyra banks and that kind of blew his company up a little bit so he was expanding looking for new guys he brought me on i became one of his top guys fairly shortly but i was still only getting one or two bookings a month and they were like one in two hour bookings i don't even remember if i got a four hour booking at that time or not and uh and yeah like one or two a month i thought it was i thought it was amazing i thought i was you know king um it was it was it was great i felt like you know i was at the the top of of something on top of something i figured something out little did i know what it would eventually lead to so i worked with him for about a year and then the tv show gigolos contacted him and asked him for his top guy he sent me in i i knew if i said i was a white rapping gigolo i'd make this reality show no problem and and i did and man the rest is history after that it went quick we shot we shot the trailer the sizzle reel and then two seasons in one year next thing i know i'm moving to vegas my rate goes up i have a four hour minimum at this time i'm getting 24 24-hour weekend week bookings a 10-day i think i had some 10-day to two-week bookings too going all over the world south africa morocco hawaii europe i mean you name it i've been there in japan and things were going good things were going good um where do those bookings entail like when a man typically hires a female prostitute they'll they'll get to sex very quickly and then it's over with sometimes in 10 15 minutes yeah um these aren't prostitute bookings um that's that's what i'm saying that's right yeah that's different yeah that's that's illegal right even if it was legal it's something i may have done at one time like before the show but it's not something that i would have done up until recent time i mean whenever you go on a date with somebody you're hopeful you know you two will connect and it'll lead to that we all we all want to have sex you know we're all very sexual people and it's unfortunate you know that we don't we aren't able to connect more with people and and experience that more but that's that's always the hopes when you're when you're winning a date with somebody who you're you know especially someone who you're attracted to or someone you know takes immaculate care of themselves mentally and physically and so the the bookings with women that would be you know for for hours or weekends or even longer would entail what kind of stuff just just companionship yeah i mean that's that's what we sell nothing's guaranteed the the show the show was a show you know we um we had simulated scenes soft core stuff with all the clients so you know sometimes it was expected but whenever i did interviews or anything you know i put it out there and said that you know it's it's never a guarantee i've never sold a sexual favor in my life that's kind of where i'm going the bookings yeah they're advertised as as companionship i mean i offer so much more now but what what what what were they in reality you guys would just like have dinner together or or what was it okay so most most the time with the bookings once once i started to take off i didn't do too many short bookings anymore those were there was a lot of requests for those i still i still get a ton of them for like one and two hour bookings usually it's couples where the guy is opening open to the woman experimenting with another man or something like that and that really never was my thing and unfortunately that was expected you know sometimes when i'd see couples i haven't seen couples in a long time anymore because it was all it was always weird and and that's that's not what you know i was selling and you know you want to make the client happy and if there's expectations you know it's it's unfortunate you know i'd get bad reviews because i i wouldn't go through with them because i'd have man i had some i had some some some nasty bookings i had some billionaire from another country try to force me upon his wife who's saying no and as he's saying no means yes i've been in some some really weird and horrible situations like i wanted to knock this dude out i wanted to beat the out of him i almost did i almost did but he's a billionaire i'd probably i probably won't be here talking if if i did that she was one of the most just you get abused in every way people i've ever met and it was so gross he's telling me no means yes all the other guys do this we've had guys before we've had guys in new york who who have done this i'll pay you double like i'm like dude get out of here what is wrong with you like i wanted to hurt him really bad i want to hurt him really bad i still do um most of them weren't bad like that though usually usually it's cool people usually people are open sexually they're they're swingers or whatever but you know those all sound like mail driven bookings even though there's a woman involved it's almost like the man is who's sometimes sometimes for sure yeah and i could tell you know i have a good uh gaydar that's that's for for sure especially after about gaining west hollywood sometimes guys want you to do things with their wife while they watch i heard i've heard that yeah yeah so but have you had bookings where it's just a female looking for a male companion of course yeah that's that's the majority of them that's what i think yeah yeah yeah and what are those like okay so we're bouncing around everywhere okay um what do you mean whether they're like what what else what what do you want what do women look for in a companion so i mean it's a little tricky with my rates since my rates have gone up since i've been so successful and i've done so well you know obviously you know they they don't want to pay not everybody can pay my eight hour 24 hour rate but most you know women would want that they want something longer um they they do look for more of connection i mean i don't want to say that just women do that want that though i i believe that men and women both want that just men have been conditioned and programmed differently to think that what they need is just to get off real quick and and and screw as many girls as possible and and it's unfortunate because you know deep down if anybody's being honest with you everybody wants a lot more than that and if that's all you get you're you're going to feel empty if you're getting hurt very quickly yeah you're going to feel empty on either side if you're the the sex worker or or the guy or the girl who's just trying to get a quick fix it doesn't work like that when you're with somebody and you're intimate with them your energies everything intertwines and you you connect with them and when you just leave that behind and there's there's no other fulfillment on on a mental level it's just it's such a waste and and yeah we're just conditioned so poorly to believe that you know that's that's that's what we should desire and you know these these we're busy working and so one night stands are a good thing they're they're not they're not and the clients that i have now um i only see a few of them and i only see i'll see anybody one time but i only see people who i'm gonna see again and i've cut out as many people as i can from the because i i don't want to be with that many people because i know what it will do to you hmm interesting yeah i'm sure this experience you've been doing it for years now right yeah like eight years now i'm sure you've learned a lot that that you would not have learned if you hadn't done this kind of work for sure i understand i understand you know energy sexual energy you know relationships very well i'm uh i'm writing another book on everything this one's going to be this one some some next level stuff what what what do women want everybody wants the same thing it's not it's not just women i hate that i hate that people always you know just just ask what do women want that's um you know that's that's playing with some words and creating something that's that's not real we we all want the same thing we all want the same thing we want connection we don't want to we don't want a quick fix we really don't that's great and do you find that the the women that you'll that'll hire you just have a deeper understanding of of relationships and this than the majority of people the the men that are out there i mean what are they missing it's women too are these women they're married it's women too man we're still monkeys throwing our nobody knows what they're doing you know people know so little about relationships no but nobody understands what they want no but nobody gives themselves enough time to you know sit and reflect and meditate and we're just plugged into this world we're driven by money and we don't have time for anything and nobody prioritizes you know what the most important things are and it is reflecting upon what we truly desire and digging into our heart and soul and sitting in silence and and listening and so few people do that so it's not just the men who are lost the women who are are lost too um and they're coming to me man this is this is what's really pushed me to find some answers they're coming to me and be like i don't i don't know what to do i don't know are these married women or single or both mostly single um usually the the married women their husband knows and sometimes they'll usually the husband will meet up and give me the pick up and say hinds they take good care of her then he'll bounce that's that's usually what happens with the couples um but one more time but so the single the single women will are they you think they're looking for a you're a good looking man so they're looking for a handsome companion or they're just looking for a fling or what are they looking for answers man i think everybody especially now that i've you know i've put together a self-help book and i put myself out there as a life and confidence coach and healer you know they're just they're coming for answers so few people so few people know what they want yeah we're all lost aren't we we are collectively for sure and you know this is what this is what's motivated me and inspired me to to find some answers and put my last book together i think a lot of us are just lonely well i mean what's lonely i think uh not connecting with anyone and just well lonely is lonely is a choice and and the problem the problem with being lonely is if you don't spend enough time being alone you will forever be lonely because you won't find the answers that that will take you to to a place to be able to connect with people and know what you do desire and want and i mean i'm on my side right here i have life can be lonely but we are not alone and i've played with those i played with those words a lot to to dig into what loneliness really is and it's it's it's not it's not being alone like you got to be alone like you got to be happy alone you got to love yourself you got to do these things to have the chances of meeting someone else who's developed and put that work in too i always say with relationships you know it's people who haven't put the work in meeting people who haven't put the work in that never works and people who have put the work in with people who haven't put the work in that never works either you need two people who have put that work in if you're going to connect and have something special and not be lonely find somebody you know to to explore life with and the percentage of people who have you know put it put enough time into to figure some things out like it's low it's like yeah it's say less than one percent of one percent i really do it's so low and and most of people out there who think they have something figured out they don't they they really don't they're not they're not teaching anything you know they're still depressed i see through it all i see through it all i see that that fear and and that not knowing and thinking they're gonna die alone and this all these burdens and and and unnecessary worries that that plague their mind that don't allow them to evolve and become one of these people you gotta let go of all those fears and worries to get anywhere in life it takes a lot of courage and perseverance and for sure it takes it takes that guidance to find the courage you know we don't just have courage we we have to i never had courage when i was a kid you know i i found some lucky guidance somewhere and then then you find that lucky guidance to drive you to to seek more your hunger to learn which you mentioned earlier i think is key to well that's guidance though that's guidance though you know i'm a firm believer i know for sure that we all have the same brain we're all born with the same brain we're a product of our environment we're experiences so we have to have that guidance we have to have it you know we we could go way down that hole if if you want but now i'm a firm believer that we have the same brain we all have the same capabilities and we all just need that right motivation drive push guidance to to push us to to go the right direction i don't believe some people have more courage than others i believe some people have had better guidance to that someone gave them let gotten in their brain and taught them that they can be courageous you need you need that you're not just born being courageous you need someone telling you oh you had role models that kind of showed you that sure that's a big part of it too yeah i see a lot of people that just didn't have any worthwhile role models in their lives i was one of them for for many many years but on one hand they inspired me in other ways i guess you could say and then you learn to be your own like guide that should be the goal that should be the goal i i feel like we need some lucky guidance to to get on a certain track then after that and then you know we can explore the the free will argument if you want as well i like to think that if we operate our full potential that we do have the possibility of establishing and experiencing free will so you know we we become you know creators and and we decide how capable and confident and courageous we are how often are your back to your your gigolo experiences how often are those just the the flip like the female version of a typical male prostitute where it's just sex and that's it well never with me um that's what's been wanted and expected at times and i i would get in a tricky situation there because it's not what's offered it's not what's sold but then it's kind of expected and number one i don't wanna i don't wanna hurt anybody by not going through with this and then they're thinking i can't even pay for this you know so i try to explain to them i would explain to them from the beginning you know i i only i'm only with people who i can i can connect and communicate with and even on the show when i'd simulate the the scenes on on the tv show just about every person i simulated the scene with would order a hawk talk off my website i sell those they started as confidence coaching and life coaching i always call them hawk talks and i do them like once a month or twice a month and uh they'd order one and every single just about every single person would hawk talk me and start crying why didn't you sleep with me you slept with everybody else on the show i'm like no i didn't i'm an amazing actor you're not going to see my penis going into one vagina i promise they don't even they don't show any of that like how i'm a good actor even the teddy bear scene like all of them like they're simulated so there was there was a couple times you know where i'm like i'm gonna destroy this person if if i don't sleep with them because they're gonna think i can't even pay for sex even though that's not what's being offered so there's a couple times earlier in my career where i did go through where i didn't want to because there wasn't the communication and connection there um but then when i would do that it would it would destroy me like it like it insulted my soul i felt like i was really doing something wrong that was early on that was many years ago but it's still like is this something i i i i could never do because i how does how does someone who has that you know is in touch with their soul and has this deeper understanding of all these things end up with with a career like that i don't know because i've i've always been this this seeker of this the the truth no i mean go to my social media and you'll see you know i don't hold anything back i tell you how it is and you know i don't get bullied i don't i don't get pressured into you know saying things i don't feel and i've really become this this person who can't live i mean one of the kicks in my book is you know don't lie it's it's one of the biggest things you have to do to to evolve and and be able to get in touch with these things and evolve and listen to your soul you can't lie you got to stop lying about everything and i felt like you know sleeping with with people i didn't connect and communicate with on a great level even you know it's it's a lie and you're insulting yourself and you're doing something you shouldn't be doing yeah i agree 100 it's very interesting so where do you see your future going do you see your self continuing with this or getting out of it i've been getting out um i've been seeing less and less clients you know i had i had the agency's two biggest months back to back i made 80 grand one month and 70 grand the next and that's when i'm like what if what am i doing i'm just i'm just wore out i'm depleted what does it do to your personal relationships what personal relationships that's that's what i expect um pretty hard to have those yeah in the in the when i was you know taking when the show kicked off and i was taking as many bookings as i could you know making much money as possible and buying as many houses as possible i invested it wise i didn't blow it at all luckily because now i can do whatever i want but um no i wore myself out but i've been backing off for years now and i've been i've always said you know i'll always do it as long as i have the right clients you know they're healthy for me and i'm healthy for them so i'll always be open to it but i am taking i am going a new direction now um and i'm gonna a lot of people a lot of people want to book me without that without that that possibility of that you know closeness and connection and long bookings and overnight and weekend bookings a lot of people want to book me without that but right now i do i do a i'll do a one four hour meet and greet but after that it's an eight hour minimum are you are you in some way addicted to this kind of work no no not at all and and i mean my my prices are are high right now because it does entail the companionship and getting in and getting close to somebody and you can't do that with a lot of people but i do want to i want to see more people in in other ways without those expectations at all i actually i recently purchased some land in sedona and i'm building a healing sanctuary there and i'm gonna i'm gonna continue to do i'm gonna do a half day in full day bookings where i take people i i'm off-roading on a razor guided tours around sedona spirit quest hikes uh meditations uh coaching crystal hunting grand canyon tours uh airport pickup and i'm gonna have a few places for them to stay on my property as well so i'm gonna be offering that i will still continue to offer uh offer the mail companion bookings but like i said it's it's got to be the right people they have to be healthy for me i need to be healthy for them and there has to be connection and and communication there it's a very interesting life you've carved out for yourself yeah it is i mean i had no idea what it was especially for a madison wisconsin boy yeah i had no idea what i was getting into in the beginning of it and i didn't understand you know most people struggled like i once did as well and after i put myself out there hustler magazine did a interview and labeled me confidence man and after that people started coming to me for confidence advice and i mean because you explained how like you had no very little confidence yeah and now you seem very confident i i did i i did have it that was you know in the middle of shooting the the gigolos tv show that's when my confidence really developed i i got away from alcohol and i could get in front of the cameras and go on dates and talk to girls without alcohol and then but people started asking me about it and once again it was you know okay now i know how to be confident but now how do i teach it so they inspired me to dig into that that that really you know what what what were the keys for you to gain confidence more than anything more than anything with confidence you need to develop your intuition with other people you need to start reading them you need to start seeing through the show that most people put on when you start seeing that no very few people are confident most people it's a show then you then you start realizing that okay okay if it's a show with most people then maybe i have a chance at this then you start putting yourself out there and when you really start understanding how similar we are and that we have the same brains and the same capabilities you have to understand that and then you got to go for it obviously you know everybody will tell you that you got to put yourself out there and you got to go for it yeah what would you say is the most important thing you've learned in your life probably about energy i think energy is something that most people take for granted it's becoming a little more mainstream now people are starting to understand you know we're we're waking up but you have to charge most people spend most of their time depleting and being encompassed with dating as many people as possible to find their soulmate making as much money as possible so they can have the nicest cars possible and and it's this it's it's all nonsense you need to you need to understand the importance of of sitting in silence and charging and that's the only way it's going to allow you to speak through your soul and be a be evolved human very interesting all right nick well thank you so much for sharing your story thank you i wish you the best of luck thanks thank you you

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Length: 36min 58sec (2218 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 14 2021

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Nick Hawk?