Ex Gang Member interview-Johnny

all right Johnny how you doing Johnny where'd you grow up where are you from originally I grew up in the San Diego Valley on the border of East L.A Monterey Park Alhambra area which is a predominantly Asian Community even the street signs are in Chinese there exactly so I had both my parents my father was I would say my childhood was kind of like miserable filled with distrust my my father was a uh drunk alcoholic um my mom was Taoist Buddhist so you know it was kind of ran like a dictatorship and uh you know we were really young and and and my dad would actually beat us me and my brother and my mom I sent my mom to that I see you a lot of times a bunch of times uh so it was very very chaotic as a kid um and I think uh you know grew up around that type of environment where there was gangs drugs violence um you know we're low income not stereotypical Asian but we didn't really have much money grope around a lot of Hispanics there was a lot of culture shock as well our parents are immigrants so they didn't really you know know how to fit in so we kind of had to learn everything from the streets you know when I was young I had a very peculiar mindset I I trusted in myself a lot because I felt like I couldn't trust my parents uh one time you know I was 10 years old and I got jumped for the first time had my backpack stolen had my my shoes taken I went home and and my father asked me where is your backpack where's your stuff and I said you know I got jumped by four Hispanics you know and he didn't believe me he thought that I threw away my backpack he thought that I wasn't trying to do good in school so he beat me after that so yeah I kind of went through a lot with with the beatings and a lot of trauma and so at the age of 12 years old I actually joined the gang um I joined the the watchings the Chinese Triad type of gang out in that area very big big gang so these are Asian gangs yes a lot of Asian gangs out there we're very Incognito Hush Hush tight lip but they do exist and um so I joined that at 12 years old and a lot of people ask me you know why would you join that you know why would you join a gang you know at the age of 12 and a lot of people would say it's probably due to you know their broken home or a broken family or drugs or violence just the environment for me particularly in my opinion I noticed that uh it stemmed from trusting and believing myself when I was young I thought that if I did everything I wanted to do I would be happy so having fun going out with gang members stuff like that I thought was really fun and the things that I didn't want to do such as you know exercising studying doing homework I didn't do because I thought if I did everything I wanted to do I would be happy and the things that I didn't want to do I didn't do because I didn't think it would make me happy so I looked at the gang life and it started at the core of my heart you know I really wanted to be um a gang member I really wanted to I looked up to those people and so I joined that that type of Lifestyle uh 12 months I'm sorry three months into it at the age of 12. I caught my first case um and that was originally a kidnapping slash robbery but they dropped the charges down uh they're 12 years old at 12. yeah and ended up um it was with a group of people of course but ended up uh catching the charge for dissuading a witness for the benefit of a gang so uh ended up going to Y.A um California Youth Authority I was at srcc first and then um caught a couple fights in there got written up they called it level bees and then ended up going to Fred see now this Nellis y a and you know I was 12 years old they gave me four years um and when I was in ya I learned a lot of like it cultivated the mindset to believe in myself even more I really trusted myself because I had seen rapes I had seen murders I had seen stabbings fightings I've I learned how to fight there they called it Gladiator school for a reason you know you fight a lot and I learned like the two second takeoff rule meaning if you feel disrespected within two seconds you have to handle it whether it's stabbing them fighting them beating them up otherwise you'll be labeled a punk excuse my language a [ __ ] a Leva stuff like that so um you know I did four years there and it was really really traumatic and um I get out you know 67 days two months in a week I catch my second case this time I'm an adult they try me as an adult uh it's two counts of a soul with deadly weapon um again it was It was supposed to be a robbery and attempted but they dropped the charge down I pled out um they gave me 10 years 85 percent so Aid and some change um so yeah I get to prison and it's a whole nother ball game it's uh first off I'm Chinese so so being there we were outnumbered um it really was a racial thing whereas in y a it was more of gangbang it was a little bit of race but you had to represent your your colors represent your flag represent your your people but when you go to prison you have to drop your flag you have to drop everything and you have to represent the other car or the the the race right so in there I had to calm down because I was a ya baby um I didn't know how to program after about a year I learned how to program the rules of regulations and everything and I was able to really start to kind of function in prison um you know I went through a lot of depression so I had uh seen some counselors in there you know I'm just being honest like I was able to get my GED I was able to get anger management counseling and everything looked on the up but there was one thing that I really couldn't get rid of and it was this emptiness and this void I had felt inside of my heart no matter what I did I really couldn't overcome this emptiness in this void and uh it didn't matter what I did you know I just always felt this sadness and feeling inadequate as a human being and so you know some of the the older homies the people in there the the people who kind of like represent us they we you usually look to them for advice so uh one of the older guys some old Chinese dude he's like bro you should start reading you know and working out and and kind of get your mind off of things because he noticed that I was kind of like an overthinker and um so I started reading I read the Quran in there front to back three times read the Bible in there front to back two times um and you know it didn't really do anything for me honestly so um I get out after doing my stretch I parole out of CRC Norco and um I meet my mom you know and she didn't really visit me much she's an older lady she didn't know how to navigate the correctional facilities and stuff like that so she didn't really visit me but I noticed a difference in my mom you know she had this uh this inner peace about her that I really didn't understand because mind you she's she has not just me but my brother two kids in prison um who are incarcerated my did my brother did also 12 years and um she had she was still married to my father her husband who was still an abusive alcoholic person she still lived in section 8. she still had you know all that trauma and and stuff like that but she had no circumstances to be happy but I I realized that she was happier than I was you know and so I asked my mom my mom why are you so happy you know what what changed and then she mentioned church and at that time honestly it's like I rolled up the car the windows in the car you know I was like I'm not trying to hear about that Mom I'm I'm I'm not I don't believe in God we're a raised Buddhist I'm good so she said fair enough you know she didn't push she didn't say anything she just let me be so as I got out I had that heart that I wanted to still do better and do good you know I had lived my my whole life doing bad things and following myself trusting myself so I wanted to get a job I wanted to help my parents help you know and um I tried to look for a job but as a two-strike felon with a violent crime yeah it wasn't happening I I applied for even like McDonald's FedEx UPS all the places that they say they hire convicted felons and I wasn't showing any love honestly but um immediately I went back to the streets you know I started to sell drugs again and at that time you know I was still on parole so it's very risky looking over my shoulder and I just felt like this was not something I could make a career out of and so um you know I devised this plant to actually rob a drug dealer you know because my thinking at the time was if I'm selling all these drugs it's risky but if I just Rob someone who sells all the drugs then I would inherit and gain a lot of money so I had I had it was me and a friend of mine he was like my road dog and I told him hey bro let's let's Rob this dude he's a well-known drug dealer in our area anyway um you know I told him I was gonna go to the red car he was going to go to the left of the car and um you know when I stepped to go to the right of the car he actually my friend stepped in front of me so naturally I went to the left of the car as I'm walking up on the driver's side of the car I hear three gunshots you know and when it rang out I actually assumed initially that it was my friend who who shot the dude you know I was like damn you didn't even give him a chance well whatever you know it is what it is we'll roll with the punches we're very cold like that but actually the car sped off and I realized it was my friend that had gotten shot and um you know he was just laying there I remember vividly like the sounds the noise that he was making and and he was dying and there I'm holding him and he died in my arms you know and yes every time I think about that I get a little emotional but um you know I that moment was very pivotal in my life because I had thought about it like that was supposed to be me actually if I went to the right of the car I would have been I probably wouldn't be here today so you know as I seen that I started to really think in my life like I could feel Death Around the Corner you know it didn't matter what I would do I I felt like my time I was on borrowed time I felt like I was gonna die soon and three days after that I had received a letter from one of my my friends just a childhood friend he grew up with us in the projects and section eight he um he gave me a letter that that was really eerie you know he's like you know think about me when I'm gone and just saying these types of things and and three days after that I find out that he had committed suicide in jail so there was death all around me and I was feeling that you know it was creeping up on me and um you know miraculously my mom actually a couple days after these incidents had happened her car had broken down and she was like hey Johnny like um I need you to take me to church you know she's a translator she was very like involved at the time and so I said yeah there's no harm in that you know I want to help Mom out you know I didn't spend all my life you know being bad to her so I wanted to treat her well so I took her to the church but I told her very specifically I don't want to be evangelized I don't want to I don't want to talk to the pastor um and so when I get there I remember this pastor Runs Out and he's like hey Johnny you know good to see you and and why don't you come on in for some food you know and they had made like some some black bean noodles and that's actually my favorite dish you know I love eating black bean noodles for those Asian Sundown people out there who know what I'm talking about it's like a delicacy for us you know I grew up eating that stuff so um I was like what's the harm in eating you know but I told the pastor I don't want to hear about God I don't believe in God and I'm Buddhist Etc et cetera so we get there and um I remember he sits down and after we finish eating he he asks me two questions that really kind of shocked me you know he said are you a sinner and do you know what sin is and at that time I felt a little angry to be honest because I felt like that was a loaded question like who is who's not a sinner you know we're all born imperfect we're all flawed as human beings we've all made you know bad decisions in our life and stuff like that so I kind of got mad and I told him yeah of course and and he said so what do you think about Sin you know I said well sin is when you do something bad and then you know you go against God or you you know shoot people stab people you know lie to people that's a sin and he said not so and that was the first time that it kind of like he shook my world upside down I was like what do you mean you know this is kind of weird because that's what I always learned even though I wasn't Christian uh Catholic or anything like that I knew that doing bad things is not it's a No-No you know you don't do that but he explained to me that sin was actually twofold the first thing is it's trusting yourself above the word of God so trusting yourself more than God that's what sin is and number two it was inheritance so he explained to me the analogy of you're Chinese you didn't choose to be Chinese you were born that way your father was Chinese his father was Chinese Etc it was passed down likewise with sin it wasn't that you did anything wrong but your fault you know Adam was uh was evil he was sinful and then it passed down to us so we were born as Sinners and at that time it really made sense to me because my son you know he was like four years old at the time and you know I always taught him well you know hey don't don't follow the way that Daddy went you know like be good respect your elders et cetera et cetera never taught him how to lie steal or do anything like that um but at the age of four you know he loved eating gummy bears and I remember like he would always want gummy bears if he could just live off of gummy bears he would do it but with the veggies you know I told him you have to eat veggies first and then you can eat some gummy bears but I would see him trying to hide the veggies trying to take it to the little potty and throwing it in there and you know who taught him that you know and and he even got to a point where he would he would steal the gummy bears he would scoot the little stool over climb on top reach at the top of the cabinet pull out the uh the gummy bears and and I caught him red-handed I'm what are you doing one day and he was like nothing there nothing you know so who taught him that I never taught him any of that evil stuff but it was part of him and it was something that was actually normal for him for kids to rebel and then he used the analogy of an apple tree which really put it in perspective he said when you look at the seeds of an apple where are the apples but if you plant it as it grows it'll only produce apples no matter how hard it tries it cannot produce oranges or mangoes likewise when you look at a baby where is the sin it's very cute it's loving but as it grows as it matures all you see is sin and they start to you know lie they start to cheats still they can even murder you know and so when I saw that it really made a lot of sense to me as a person and I was able to see that oh we're just being normal it's not that I did bad things and then I became a sinner no I was born flawed I was born imperfect and he had mentioned you're an imperfect person trying to produce perfect results of course you're gonna fall short so that's why I had emptiness and and depression and loneliness inside of my heart because he was showing me that it wasn't the surface level things but it was at the core of the heart because everything is rooted in the Heart Right everything came from from from the the center so I was trying to basically put a Band-Aid like oh I had anger so I take anger management no if you look if you peel back the layers of an onion you'll realize that you'll get to the root of it which was sin produces everything and I started to realize oh I was looking at it from a wrong perspective so he said it's okay you know and then huge analogy of like a car and and he was saying that uh there's a braking system in the car and it must overcome the accelerator otherwise you know if the if the accelerator overcomes the brake we will crash right no one would drive that car even if it was a Ferrari because it has no brakes likewise we are people who need to have self-control if we don't have self-control and our desires or like the accelerator if it keeps going I want to do drugs I want to make money then you'll if you don't manage that you'll crash out in life and you'll live miserably and when he was saying these things it was hitting me in the core of my heart like wow this guy knows me but I just met him you know I really didn't understand how he knew me through and through you know and at that time he said you're a person because you were born flawed imperfect in sin you don't have the capability to stop yourself and so you need something else to help you and in that case he said that's where I come in as a pastor he said I am your braking system right so at that time he had asked me uh this one question and he said how is your relationship with your father said it's horrible I honestly hate him you know I I feel like the reason why I joined a gang the reason why I was angry the reason I was so like violent was because of my father but she had mentioned okay so listen to me very carefully he said when you meet your father I want you to apologize to him and I was like what excuse my language but I was like [ __ ] that honestly because I didn't ask to be born um he had a responsibility to take care of me but when I was born you know he beat me and he didn't he wasn't there for me and I felt like just so angry when he he asked me to apologize to him and you know what he said was he said Johnny you're right but because you're right you know that he beat you and you didn't have a good childhood you're also miserable and that hit me you know really deeply you're miserable because when you go outside and you see fathers who who do respect their children who did raise them well um you know you you feel that pain he said you know why do people argue why do people fight why is there no peace because two people are right you're right I'm wrong the other party thinks no I'm right you're wrong right and then they start to fight and then there's no peace but when one person becomes wrong he says then everything drops and then they can start to heal he starts to come in you know and they're able to grow so he said even though you don't understand it I ask that you accept what I'm saying and just move forward so at that time I put down everything I felt and I trusted this man right and I was like okay I'm not gonna trust myself let me see what he says and let me just try it out you know what's the harm in trying it out so I call my father and it's such an awkward phone call I haven't talked to him for years and I say hey dad it's Johnny it's like who I think it's your son he's like oh and the first thing out of his mouth I remember vividly was I don't have any money for you and I was like you know I got a little angry you know I need your money but kind of simmered down and I was like you know Dad I just want to talk to you it's really urgent I need to speak to you about something said okay so we plan to go to this fall restaurant in Alhambra and we get there he's sitting across from me I'll never forget it's awkward there's so much tension he's not looking at me in my face I'm looking off to the wall and and every but I remember vividly what the pastor told me you know just move forward just apologize it's okay you know I am your braking system right so I told him dad you know I'm here today to tell you that I'm sorry I'm sorry for being a bad son I'm sorry for being not bad sorry I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you that I didn't help and I and I didn't live up to your standards and then my father actually he started crying he said no I'm sorry I'm sorry to be a bad that I was a bad father I'm sorry I didn't give you a good childhood and I'm sorry I couldn't control my drinking and that you had to suffer because of that you know [Music] 20 years of pain anger frustration it was crushed we hugged it out and I now we have a great relationship you know when I think about it if I had never followed what the pastor said if I never trusted him and I trusted myself if I tried to understand and wrap my head around it if I held my own righteousness I would have never experienced this at the core of my heart Pastor was dissecting it and fixing it from the inside out and when I seen that I was so thankful wow this pastor he knows something that I don't know for the first time in my life I didn't trust what I saw and what I felt I left it in the hands of someone who was better than me who knew God who lived happier than me who was more peaceful than me and when I was connected to that I was able to overcome everything I see my father every week now we go out to eat and all we talk about is happiness and and we're able to rekindle everything and I never preached the gospel to my dad I never told him about God I just showed him hey you know I'm happy Dad and I love you and that love really overcame everything you know so you know forgiveness yeah forgiveness and it wasn't like I wanted to but when I connected to something you know that was stronger than me like my pastor I was able to stay out of prison I was able to kick the drugs I was on meth and ecstasy and Coke it wasn't that I did anything myself I didn't even want the help you know a lot of people were on skid row and they they talk about homelessness oh the problem is wholeness well if you peel that back it could be mental issues mental health if you peel that back you could be you know drugs and whatnot but the truth is it's at the core of the heart I believe it's sin and if you don't get rid of that aspect then there's no that begets everything else it produces everything else so I I liken it to like the analogy of cancer say I have cancer and if I'm losing my hair and if I'm losing weight well if I put a wig on and I just eat and fatten up it doesn't get rid of the cancer so likewise we have to get to the core of the issue and the core of this issue right now is people's hearts their self-worth is completely gone there when you so when the pastor planted hope inside of my heart it casted everything out he never said don't do this stop doing drugs stop game he never told me that he didn't give me a dime you know what he gave was hope inside of my heart and when that happened we naturally dropped everything else that was hopeless I clinged on to jugs because I thought that that was my hope I clinged onto my gang because that was my hope at the time but when God showed me another perspective he talked he talked about God you know he talked about Jesus and he said why did why do you think that Jesus had to die for you well because you're a sinner you're born into sin you can't stop sinning so you'll always be empty you'll always be miserable but when you think about God he paid for all of your sins he made you righteous and I'm like he made me righteous like I'm a sinner I remember my sins and he said well God doesn't remember them Hebrews 10 17 it says and their sins and iniquities will I remember no more so he said you have a choice to make Johnny are you going to trust what you think and what you feel which is constantly changing it's like the ocean high tide low tide one minute I love this woman next minute we argue and fight I hate her I'm telling her get out of my house am I gonna trust his heart that constantly changes one minute I make a determination I throw all of my pipes away I'm not going to do drugs next minute I'm rummaging through the trash again picking it all up am I gonna trust something that constantly changes and he told me if something is constantly changing if a person says one thing and does another he's a liar so would you trust his heart that lies to you or are you going to trust the word of God that never changes no matter what God died for you he perfected you he made you holy past present and future sins are gone you know and when I believed I put again myself down and my thoughts down and I trusted the word of God that power became mines and he likened it to the knowledge of like a debt let's say Mark you know I have ten thousand dollars for you and I say let's go to Arizona you know and in Phoenix in one week I'll give you ten thousand dollars if you believe in me if you trust what I say you will make that trip and you'll go out there and you'll receive the ten thousand but let's say you don't believe in me ah Johnny is a gang member he's just a guest on software underbelly I don't believe him even if I go to Arizona with ten thousand dollars you will not receive the blessing right so it's it's important to where you put your beliefs in people say Lord is my My Savior well what did he save you from he saved you from your sins so if he saved you from your sins and you still think you're a sinner that must mean he failed and he did it he says in the Bible that he's perfected us forever right so when I was able to believe that that core of my heart changed I went from emptiness to having hope but where do righteous people go righteous people go to heaven I always thought I was going to die and go maybe not to hell but somewhere where evil people go because I was an evil person I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of but you know as I had that hope that hey I don't have to live this way this mind this heart was deceiving me telling me that I was you know not righteous telling me that I was evil you know and um when you live that lifestyle you start to believe well I'm evil anyway so excuse my language but [ __ ] it I'm gonna do whatever I want because your self-worth is gone your your confidence gone everything is out the window so you know what I'm doing nowadays is I'm going to prison and I'm a prison Minister and I preach my testimony and this story to people and it really changes their lives because everyone is telling people hey stop doing bad stop doing evil the problem is they're not understanding that trusting in themselves is the root of all evil because we're flawed as human beings right and if we're flawed we cannot produce perfect things we actually can't produce good things we can try but at the end of the day we feel this emptiness and what I call it is this up and down lifestyle you know when you're really happy you're on the up but when you're sad you crash so you're happy sad happy sad happy sad until you die there is no real purpose inside of your life you know and and that's something that people really resonate with because I went through that when I look at my life I thought it was a curse 12 years old in y a like I'm not supposed to be here I'm supposed to be dead I'm supposed to be on the streets here with these people strung out um but as I see that God was leading my life I see that it's such a blessing Blissful life why because I understand the people that that these homeless people on the streets they don't need money they don't need you know clothes and and all that you know they need the fixing and the renewal of the heart and so you know that's really what I've been doing nowadays is going to prisons and talking to you know inmates and double lifers people with l-wop life without parole and I don't tell them hey you need to change why did you murder people you know you need to make a decision no what I tell them is do you know what God did for you do you know that sin is not it was part of you it's not that you wanted to do it but it was something that was dragging you and if you learn to distrust that voice distrust that destructive voice I call it that evil thought evil nature then you're able to live well and you're able to connect to the pastor you know you're able to connect to people who are better than you and then their happiness their hope will pour into your heart and once that changes they start to you know become mentored they start to also Mentor other inmates and we're making a big impact in all these prisons I go to Thailand I also preach at the bank one prison I go to Korea recently I met with post-consulates and I'm a person that I'm from the San Diego from watching how can I be talking about God well I really feel like it wasn't me you know I feel like God had prepared this for me and he had showed me something while going through the struggles while feeling empty and overcoming that and that's really what I want to kind of share with the people because if that Pastor never gave me a chance if he never explained to me you know these things I would probably be dead or in prison how's your brother oh he's he's good he's out of prison he got out about four years ago he comes to church with me as well and and yeah he's he's happy he's really happy it's great it's a hell of a story of forgiveness and change of heart yeah that's forgiveness and understanding that we are already flawed and it's okay when we put our power down to trust in ourselves and believe in ourselves then you know truly God can work you know because then we start to lean on him like I said it didn't make sense to say sorry to my father it made more sense in my head for him to apologize to me but when I put that down truly I became happy and you know I I never thought that I could rekindle this I I thought I wasn't even going to visit my father on his deathbed like that's how much hatred I had for him but now that I think about it I'm so thankful for him you know that I was able to experience God through this and my my father now like I said comes to church he hated church he was like they brainwashed you they don't give them your money you know they're there's only women at church because they're you know it was it was just all this stuff but you know when he saw that I had stopped going to prison I had stopped doing drugs stopped carrying a gun started to really peek at interest in him and so he himself went to my pastor the same Pastor that preached to me and now he realized you know wow I'm I'm perfect you know through God through Jesus because he didn't fail not because we do well not because he stopped drinking not because he stopped beating my mom and in the end he really gave up drinking him and my mom are still married I mean it's it's amazing truly what what the heart when the heart changes It's a Wonderful story and thank you Mark thank you for sharing it Johnny thank you appreciate you

Channel: Soft White Underbelly

Views: 5,838,135

Keywords: soft white underbelly, swu

Id: z1QNZV7K5P4

Length: 32min 43sec (1963 seconds)

Published: Sun Jan 22 2023

Reddit Comments

[u/ParfaitPrior]

Wonder what all the active members think of him going on such a big platform

[u/briskone213]

Highly doubt there’s any active members of wah Ching if they are they are so deep behind the scenes and keep such a low profile they don’t care 🤷‍♂️

[u/shunislo]

I hope he's still invited to dimsum brunches on the weekend.