Funniest Funerals 🌹 Golden Girls

ready to run with the bulls and pamplona dorothy you know this is my funeral dress i don't believe in wearing black unless i'm a little bloated why do people die dorothy oh rose please i don't even know why fools fall in love i killed her i might just as well have shot her with a gun oh honey the woman was 83 she had a heart attack it was just a coincidence now you haven't slept for two nights you have to stop torturing yourself yes you're right well rose honey you can't sleep again no oh rose you have to put this terrible thing behind you you killed mrs claxton two days ago i mean she died two days ago when rose knows she didn't do anything she's just upset rose go to her funeral have a good cry you'll feel a lot better there isn't gonna be a funeral mrs claxton didn't have any friends or relatives she'll be buried in an unmarked grave in a potter's field gee that's too bad anymore that cheesecake how can you be so callous well i'm sorry but i'm not going to pretend to be in mourning mrs claxton worked overtime at being a horrible nasty woman yeah blanche is right i mean that's why nobody wants to go to her funeral dorothy how would you feel if you dropped dead and nobody showed up at your funeral well it's probably a personal thing but for me i think dropping dead would be the bigger disappointment i know they're gonna be tons of people at my funeral how can you be so sure cause i was at my funeral when i was 16 i saw the whole thing why 16 was a very difficult age for me my hormones were racing my body was blossoming i had urges and yearning so strong when i was 16 i had acne and played the accordion in the marching band well nothing seemed to go right that year but the final indignity occurred during the miss magnolia blossom pageant instead of doing the right thing and awarding me the crown as the most beautiful girl in the county they made me run her up and awarded me miss congeniality instead at that moment i vowed to make that town pay for valuing my personality over my perfect body i hear that vana white has the same problem so i decided to kill myself to teach that town a lesson i phonied up my death in a riverboat accident i had the captain who i was secretly seeing after school help me with all the details everything went perfectly oh the town had never seen a funeral like mine hundreds of people beautiful eulogies and then just as the minister was getting everybody in a frenzy or grieving i rushed out and said yoo-hoo it's me blanche i'm not really dead well the next thing i knew my daddy was horse whipping that riverboat captain and dragging me off to a religious girls school in atlanta it was hard to get my daddy angry but once you did he could be a real peck of wood what's everybody talking about we started out talking about mrs claxton's funeral yeah but somewhere along the way we segued into blanche the miniseries when is a lady claxton's funeral i want to pay my respects pay your respects i thought you hated her i did but when a person dies you go to their funeral to show the man upstairs you have respect for human life no matter how wretched it was any idiot knows that i knew that see well mrs claxton isn't going to have a funeral she had no friends and no relatives then we'll pop for her funeral why to show the man upstairs that we have some regard for human life no no no it's an old sicilian custom it's good luck to bury somebody you hate ah you're not fooling me you feel bad because mrs claxton didn't have anybody maybe i do and maybe i don't what's it to you yeah you're right i'll chip in all right sophia count me in too oh sophia i think you're a wonderful person it's a lovely idea to share mrs claxton's funeral expenses equally equally i figure your share should be about half after all you're the one who killed her [Music] oh my god this is terrible such a tragedy such a tragedy come on try not to upset yourself two men on the bottom of the ninth that bachelor lucra sola hasn't bought girls i'm tired of sitting here let's go i can't believe it there was an announcement in the paper her friends must have realized she died why didn't they come oh they were too busy celebrating you go ahead i just want to sit here a while longer oh i-i hope i'm not too late for the funeral why no no not at all oh thank goodness i would have felt just terrible if i'd missed it she was one of my dearest friends did you hear that dorothy one of her dearest friends yes oh my we've been friends for nearly 60 years would would you mind saying a few words me mind well i'd be happy to ah today is a day of great sadness not only for me but also for the many people whose lives have been touched by the warmth and the kindness of this woman who is lying here i wish i knew how many charities and hospitals and orphanages have benefited from her generosity but now no one will ever know because she preferred to do all of her good work anonymously i'm sure that a lot of people never even knew that she worked for 15 years in a leper colony yes celia rubenstein loved all mankind she was oh celia rubinstein this funeral isn't far seal your rubenstein it's for freda claxton the rubenstein funeral is down the hall oh i am so sorry for the intrusion uh frida claxton wasn't she the woman who owned that old house on richmond street yeah [Applause] i guess you were all right frieda claxton didn't have a friend in the world she didn't make any difference to anybody she might as well never even exist oh rose honey better be by herself oh this has been a hell of a night i'm glad it's over well at least we can feel good that we've done the right thing mrs claxton is in somebody else's hands now well i'm afraid for the moment she's in mine what it seems there's a little mix-up out back and mrs claxton was cremated by mistake we never should have hired a high school student rose honey can you help me with this necklace oh sure oh i'm so nervous have you ever given a eulogy you mean at a funeral no rose at a pie eating contest uh i just don't know what i'm gonna say well actually i was asked to say a few words at lennie linderflot's funeral once everybody thought we were good friends because all through school he sat right in front of me because we were in alphabetical order but in reality all i knew about lenny was what the back of his head looked like so uh what did you say i loved the back of lenny linder plots he had the back of the head of an honest man and after seeing him face up in the casket today not a bad looking guy either thanks rose it's not exactly what i'd like to say about my brother phil i'm sorry i wish i could help oh honey you've been more than a help i don't think i would have gotten through these past few days without you i mean it oh stop so what are you gonna say i don't know i just want to say a few words to give the man some dignity and show them a little respect ready to run with the bulls and pamplona dorothy you know this is my funeral dress i don't believe in wearing black unless i'm a little bloated oh did you happen to notice if my mother's all right oh she's fine right now you know last night she talked to me about the pain of losing a child i think that's got to be the most painful thing a mother can go through she's being a rock maybe too much of a rock she's really keeping this all bottled up she's in shock the whole family's in shock i mean a man goes out to buy himself an evening gown you don't expect anything unusual do you no heart attack at his age now i spoke to him just a couple of weeks ago he was fine or said he'd put on some weight but to die trying on knock-offs that big gals pay less it's just all so sad well i'm all set what's with satan's secretary sophia i believe phil would have liked this dress i liked it he would have looked great in it jersey i never understood why your brother liked to wear women's clothes unless he was queer sophia people don't say queer anymore they say gay they say gay if a guy can sing the entire score of jiji but a six foot three 200 pound married man with kids who likes to dress up like dorothy lemour i think you have to go with queer um i don't know i mean he must have had some deep psychological need and cross-dressing provided an emotional outlet i may be old-fashioned but why didn't he just drink tell me is big sally come to the funeral sofia phil's wife's name is angela why do you call her big sally because she hates it just as she probably hates the fact that i talked phil into being buried in the family plot he never should have married her she hates all of us not true she hates you oh ma don't you think this feud between you and angela has gone on long enough it's 26 years in sicily that's not a feud it's just like people scream at each other for centuries and they throw past at each other pasta and sauce rich sauce with delicious seafood mussels shrimp wait a minute i think i switched from feud to food [Music] he looks very peaceful and natural as natural as a man can look wearing a black teddy [Laughter] [Applause] it's a beautiful teddy i think more men should be buried in teddies i've just got to remember that it's not the clothes that make the man it's the man that makes the clothes oh god he looks like he died in a benny hill sketch uh i guess there's nothing we can do about it now besides it's probably what phil wanted i'm gonna go check on ma listen if it makes you feel any better i don't see anything wrong with it oh thank you much this means a lot coming from a woman who wants to be buried dressed like a majorette oh ma you want to come say goodbye to phil i can't go up there dorothy is that terrible of course not honey you're doing what you can does he look nice yeah in a suit not exactly a dress not exactly cool arts not in cool arts that would break my heart he's wearing a teddy but a masculine teddy where is big sally oh my well her name is angela ma i want you to make peace with her hello dorothy sophia angela dorothy dorothy i don't know if it was such a good idea to have the funeral in miami instead of newark i just talked to the priest he doesn't know a thing about phil he thinks phil was some kind of crazy combination brain surgeon astronaut we wouldn't get the idea that phil had an iq of 160. well if your brother hadn't been stumped by long division angela about this teddy it's a beaut isn't it no surprise though phil had great taste that's one of the things i loved about him the most from the beginning his sense of style why couldn't you bury him in a suit because this is what he wanted you know it hasn't been easy for me sofia it hasn't been easy oh ladies i'd like to get started with the service soon uh father salerno uh angela was worried that uh my mother might have given you the wrong idea about what kind of man my brother phil was not to worry the good lord has given me a sixth sense so to speak i can tell a lot about a person just by looking at them he was special i'm sure uh what can i say about philip petrillo he was special very special yeah man doesn't get any more special than this wait a minute is this one of those hidden video things [Applause] no sorry yeah i think special says it he knows phil like a book no charge [Music] are you all right sophia why does everyone keep asking me that i'm okay i'm fine i don't want to talk about it you know i saw a lot of this when i worked at the grief center you're angry about phil's death and that's normal but you shouldn't be angry with angela you know i think you haven't cried because you haven't accepted his death yet thank you i've never been psychoanalyzed by a dipstick before [Laughter] i wonder who they are you mean you don't know them no now this is awful what what's awful well isn't it obvious veiled shapely creatures unknown to the family coming to say one last secret goodbye to their special friend you mean that's right i can't believe they came all the way from newark what you know them phil tried to keep them a secret but i knew he was spending his thursday nights with them oh i know it's hard but try not to hate them my dear they're just lonely creatures who were reaching out to another person for a little warmth these are the guys from phil's poker game this is too funny i have to get my camera from the car [Applause] angela i wish you wouldn't rush right back to newark after the funeral why don't you stay at the house for a couple of days angela oh folks to begin this part of the service phil's sister dorothy will say a few words dorothy please don't take this wrong but i gotta know you are a girl aren't you it seems like i'm always mad at my brother phil i was mad the day my parents brought him back from the hospital i thought he'd take their love away from me and instead their love expanded and we felt more like a family and i'm mad today because i never wanted to give the eulogy at my kid brother's funeral i'm mad because he died he didn't have the wisdom to know that family members shouldn't allow themselves to grow apart because when this day comes they can no longer tell each other how they care if he'd had that wisdom he could have shared it with me and i would have known the hundreds of memories i have of just the two of us eating ice cream on the stoop of our building or going through the drawers at grandma's house of dressing up like the bronte sisters how those memories fill me with joy why didn't you have that wisdom phil why didn't you give us a chance to tell you how much we loved you the mail's here rose what's wrong oh nothing it's just a letter i got it's bad news oh that's eerie i had the same feeling my gretchen in fort lauderdale died oh honey i'm sorry were you close to your aunt gretchen no i couldn't stand her wait a minute rose honey if you didn't like your ant then why are you so upset because i don't have to speak at her funeral i'm terrified of speaking in front of people it's my biggest fear in the world why can't somebody else speak good action-looking it's a family tradition it means the oldest niece has to give the eulogy well not literally literally it's a herring poacher you can wear as a sun visor the family got together and they decided that was close enough rose i take it that no member of your family was ever a returning champion on jeopardy [Laughter] [Applause] [Music] i'm ready to practice my eulogy blanche if you'll stand over there by the barbecue that's where aunt liv will be where should i be right there that's where uncle gunther will be oh and it would help if you'd hum is that part of the viking funeral no uncle gunther just homes a lot rose can we just get on with the speech okay um friends family aunt gretchen was a special person she she what's the point i can't do it of course you know you were doing just fine well that's because you were here tomorrow i'll be out there all alone staring at my relatives he'll be ready to hoot and snicker the first crack in my voice they'll think i'm an idiot please it's family they know you're an idiot there's only one way i'm gonna get through this if you two will come with me to the funeral for support oh will you do it please blanche please dorothy please blanche i will if dorothy will please well i if you really think it'll help rose of course will do thank you you are the best friends i've ever had now before i lose the nerve i better make the plane reservations did she say plane reservations i thought her aunt lived in fort lauderdale she did big mouth but she's being buried in the bahamas where she spent her winters damn i don't have one thing in black that isn't see-through [Music] oh everyone i was supposed to speak at a funeral this afternoon and now i can't but i'd still like to give my speech if no one minds i i wrote some things down but i just rather talk uh the funeral was for my aunt gretchen i didn't know her very well the only thing i remembered about her is she used to scare me jumping out of my closet at night putting false fangs in her mouth sometimes baying at the moon now her dying scares me but there's a good part of being scared you get to know who your friends are they're the ones who help you not be scared maybe that's what ed gretchen was trying to do all along help me not be scared i think so goodbye aunt gretchen [Applause] take a seat lady this isn't the copacabana rose that was beautiful it was it truly was ladies and gentlemen this is captain lord again if you all look out the left side of our aircraft it'll tip over

Channel: TV Land

Views: 2,413,373

Keywords: Best Golden Girls, rose's glory moments, rose golden girls, Golden Girls Best Moments, Golden Girls, Bea Arthur, Betty White, Rue McClanahan, Estelle Getty, Dorothy Zbornak, Rose Nylund, Blaanche Devereaux, Sophia Petrillo, Shady Pines, Golden Girls retirement home, sketch comedy, funny, funny video, comedy videos, funny jokes, funny clips, Compilation, golden girls tv land, golden girls compilation, sophia, golden girls, golden girls clips, golden girls scenes

Id: qQz85KCRHqU

Length: 23min 27sec (1407 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 17 2022