Finding the OBJECTIVE Answer to the Splatfests! | Gnoggin - Splatoon

we all have our opinions that's why nintendo made splatfests in splatoon so that you can give your opinion and fight for it but i wonder if you could find the objective answer to most of the splatfests meaning if you remove opinion and personal preference which side is best then and is such a thing even possible to figure out well i know just the guy to pick a bone with he's got some strong points to make also he loves making people upset it's maxell who lives in cyberspace see you there [Music] whoa new look new me right yeah people are going to hate it exclusively because it's different which is exactly what i want um okay whatever let's go through the american splatfests ingopolis new style and figure out which side wins fully objectively oh this should be fun should upset some whiners first up cats and dogs okay well first things first i hate dogs though cats win all the way yes i know we just finished discussing what objective means but i feel like i needed to say that first it's just something about dogs and bones well okay sure i'll have to keep that in mind i mean i also really love cats and prefer them a million to one but this splat fest put forth the question of cats or dogs which do you like better now while that question is inherently non-objective we're going to try hard to figure out which one yeah so listen up okay yes thank you maxwell we're gonna go fast so buckle up okay first up dogs win hands down both objectively and in splatoon popularity although it seems those cat lovers are pretty good at video games since they have no social lives well yes dogs are the better animal here are a few quick facts about dogs that mathematically mean they are the better animal cats may have a better kill rate than dogs domestic cats that is but that's ruining the ecosystem which sucks also dogs are still better dogs are technically more intelligent than cats and that's not to say that your dog is a genius but dogs possess more gray matter and neurons than cats yeah even if you look at it based off of brain ratio to body mass dogs win oh boy can those stupid dogs sniff you out even if you bury yourself in the ground uh well yes dogs also boast the much much higher sense of smell over six times better than cats they also have better hearing and better taste than cats more than half of their senses are better than cats also dogs were much more historically important to humanity yeah attila didn't take over the world with a bunch of well yeah so dogs seem to be the winner on to the next splatfest entertainment i never understood why you humans like to fill your bodies with fight or flight chemicals you thrill seekers confuse me this next splat fest was between water slides and roller coasters with water slides winning well they both have their benefits roller coasters seem to boast a good amount of reasons for winning including but not limited to mind-bending motions full gravity-defying loops insane speed and a better amount of security and lower risk while enjoying the ride while water slides are quite a bit slower but they do hit just the right spot during those summer heat waves however they lack many of the qualities that roller coasters have and have a lot more fatalities oh and you don't need skin to appreciate a roller coaster but the lines for water slides are always faster oh yeah true true well minus the skin thing that's subjective no it's not just my experiences my friends all say the same thing axel you don't have friends yeah and you can tank the water slides for that roller coasters win well next up is marshmallow versus hot dogs in the context of roasting over a fire okay well this one's pretty easy it's marshmallow oh i was actually thinking it was hot dog i mean think of it nutritionally hot dogs are so much better than marshmallows i mean still junk of course but at least not worthless they also fill you up more after a day of playing in the woods while camping but marshmallows are so much more fun to roast you can pretend it's the world and watch it all burn and turn brown too much co2 in its atmosphere turning it into a push and once they're fully aflame you could throw them at your friends to freak them out you still don't have friends it's hypothetical more like hypothetical oh but i mean you could do that with a hot dog too and it's more nutritional to your body so i'm gonna say hot dog wins taste and texture and fun are subjective hot dogs are just better for your body so objectively better alright switching gears here next up is autobots or decepticons and uh wow more of you splatoon players are edgy non-conformists than i thought decepticons one oh weird well let's think about this one the race of alien robots that wants to save the world where you the human lives or the race that wants to destroy the earth and kill you for the benefit of their own world yeah pretty easy decepticons no maxwell autobots you just want humans to die aha you got me nothing slips past that old noggin of yours so objectively for the sake of humanity autobots are better but isn't that just subjective to all of humanity are you not but ants to the universe moving on art versus science oh boy better just skip ahead boys and girls loxton here is gonna give us a spiel hey what do you mean spiel fine i'll keep my objective facts to myself but essentially this question is a loaded one you see science is an art and what is art it is the science of life well actually biology is the science of life but you get the meaning i mean science is art but art is a science ah kill me now please shoot me in the face come on no remember you're here forever the results from splatoon was art in both categories one of the first to win in both points i guess a game that's super colorful and vibrant and about painting ink attracts more artsy people okay cars versus planes yeah these are getting easier i mean it's planes way more efficient in terms of time saved and fuel economy for the planet that's true but you have to factor in cost and of course convenience cars can go pretty much anywhere but commercial airliners can only go to airports big enough to take them in but i will agree on this planes not only because of the above but also because they are a technological marvel and have brought the whole world much closer together next is ninjas vs pirates because it's 2004 again and i already know the answer oh oh please go ahead i already know the answer too pirates yep it seems the splatoon player base is pretty informed when it comes to ninjas as pirates one you see ninjas or at least the ones you think of never really existed it's all anime and movie magic most real ninjas were farmers wearing a mask that would walk up and stab someone in the dark almost all of them died nameless bested by a spear plus pirates still roam the seas and hey even the internet nowadays plus there are hundreds of notable pirates and i always have loved how they rap skeletons right terrors of the world so pirates are gonna take this one most ninja lovers are 600 pounds anyway likely from all the pizza and burgers they're always stuffing down their gullets which is the next splatfest well it's not that big of a question pizza even though the splatfest came to burgers winning people have a tendency to be wrong you see everything can be a pizza heck you could be a pizza you could have a pizza that tastes like a burger and pizza is much easier to share or just make it into a nice personal meal in pre-sliced slices also pizza has many more uses than burgers i've never heard of a dessert burger but dessert pizza is totally a thing not to mention pizza sales are rising more and more and burgers are still dipping across the globe and nutritionally pizza wins too on the average there's no doubt about pizza being objectively better so the next splat fest was naughty or nice that's really stupid it's more or less a poll about if the players themselves were naughty or nice that year man these guys were a pretty self-critical bunch naughty one that's not a good thing that means you suck that means you also suck maxill yeah well then i mean objectively it's better to be nice because you'll get more gifts for christmas or a squid miss as it were also obviously the next splatfest posed the question would you want to be sent somewhere in the past or the future and well uh news flash both kind of suck unless you're a skeleton that's right even though past won the splatfest i feel like both are terrible options however based off of facts future would be slightly less terrible thus the objective answer you see if you were to go into the past you would bring back you and all of your tiny inside bodies the bacteria they aren't as altruistic as you as time has gone on bacteria have all been advancing but so have our immune systems but this means that if you went into the past you would be bringing back what to the people living then are essentially super viruses that will could easily decimate the world the black plague was caused by a time traveler i've met him now on the flip side if you were to go into the future you would surely succumb to some sort of stronger virus than what your body is used to fighting probably ending in death for you so the question here is death to the entire world or the death of you again future wins this one plus hey who knows maybe they could save you with their super special science powers in the future on the flip side it's not like dinosaurs or knights could help you fight off smallpox oh boy why'd they have to put a freaking pokemon game versus in this stupid game great now we're gonna have to listen to locks then go on about each game way in depth oh well we are a pokemon centric channel now so it's only right but i'll keep it quick the only differences that matter are the exclusive pokemon if you take all six final evolutions and make a team out of them the team you will get out of blue is better than the team you get out of red more type coverage less weaknesses etc notably what happened in splatoon is red one popularity because charizard's on the box but blue won with skill because people with skill know this kind of stuff okay okay so now here's one that we all know it's comparing two things that are incredibly similar snowmen and sand castles those aren't easy at all i know it's sarcasm if you couldn't tell oh i mean who came up with that of course sand castle is superior you don't have to have gloves or warm coats to build it heck you can do it in shorts or even normal everyday clothes plus you can just build sand castles in your own backyard in a sandbox but i mean don't you need tools like shovels and stuff for a sand castle you don't need those for a snowman you just need your hands and snow oh and don't forget the carrot and the coal i mean who even still has coal anymore let alone has coal and is willing to waste it on a stupid two-hour statue hmm you do have a point and you can find sand just about anywhere it's pretty hard to have snow in the rainforest i'm just glad the splatfest saw our ways and was in favor of sandcastles okay so what's next on the list let me see now how did they get the licensing for these shows next up is spongebob and patrick huh weird i mean the objective choice is spongebob as without him there is no show but personally i do really enjoy patrick and the stupid side characters in most shows something about slapstick comedy still really gets me to laugh i think in the splatfest spongebob won only because they played better okay okay so the next one's pretty funny because you had no experience with either of them costume party or fancy party though i guess being someone who hasn't gone to either you are more able to be objective about it hey i i went to parties just just cool ones you weren't invited to you wouldn't know him uh-huh sure well obviously both are rather different you can have your costume party where you can be pretty casual and not really have to wear anything uncomfortable however depending on your costume it could be a real inconvenience that's true plus everyone looks good in a suit not everyone looks good in a hot dog costume so pro con pros of costumes is that they're fun and cool to design your own look con it costs quite a bit of time and money to make or buy your own costume fancy fancy path party pros you know what's going down there there aren't going to be any surprise crazy bobbing for apples while upside down tied to a pig type activities oh that sounded pretty personal care to share the story hypothetical again all right well the cons suits and dresses are pretty costly and uncomfortable to wear for a long period of time also the social requirements needed for fancy parties is pretty steep objectively though i believe fancy is better as the outcome of the evening is much more rewarding you could be getting in better with your partner's parents or perhaps your boss or potential future boss or perhaps a business partner while a costume party would just lead to you having a bit too much spiked candy corn punch and you wind up hating yourself the next morning you really have never been to a party man that is candy corn punch good lord shut up it's all i could think of well lame parties aside we're on to our last few splatfests and thank god these have been pretty hard yeah objective is pretty hard to work on because we all have our own opinions but the next category is pretty straightforward night owl versus early bird i mean night owl all the way that's what we both are right clearly we're objectively superior i'd have to argue they do say the early bird gets the worm but the worm that sleeps in lives to see another day ooh that's a good one but think of the health benefits of waking up early they are pretty astronomical but let's not forget about all the things that night owls are that is true on average late risers are more intelligent and productive but they do have a huge con as they also suffer from more depression in some form compared to early risers other pros and cons for night owls are that they seem to be able to focus longer on tasks than early birds but they also suffer from the world not really being fully functional at the times that they're normally awake most night owls find that not all stores are 24 hours thankfully that's kind of changing but man is it the worst when you have a doctor's appointment and 7 am is the only time that that was available but you normally sleep in till 1 pm so you're so tired and sleep deprived that they think your blood pressure's a mess and everything's wrong with you but really it's because you didn't sleep the night before because the appointment's so early okay okay some pros for early birds are as follows they are the most active immediately not needing to slowly wake up like night owls however this means that they never really get a boost in energy later on they experience a slow spiral descent into sleepy tiredness but they also are more proactive in anticipating problems for the next day or morning also early birds technically need more sleep for a healthy lifestyle oh that's pretty interesting i also know that waking up early is overall healthier i mean if you wake up at five there's not so much to do that early so you're statistically more likely going to spend that time exercising also they don't suffer from depression nearly as much as night owls huh so objectively speaking early bird is better for personally being healthy and on the other side of that coin it's better for society and mankind as a whole for more people to be productive night owls so i guess we'll let you figure that one out for yourself oh now thank god last one i'm super done with this list thing cali or marie well i'm just gonna have to say that this was the hardest of all of these to objectively find the winner the fans obviously chose marie as the winner in a 2-0 vote but is that entirely objectively correct well ugh they are pretty equal in stats and life achievements however in some research we found that marie is cross-dominant or ambidextrous as she is seen writing with both of her left and right hands is that really all you could come up with that you can write with both hands come on man they're two completely different people i know that's the scary part they both are pretty much equal they both won the folk singing contest they both worked bad dead end jobs they both became super famous rich pop stars they both left the fancy life to work on their solo careers i mean the list goes on the only other difference is that they like different guns kelly liking the roller while marie liking the charger two very different and non-comparative weapons so really this is what it comes down to being ambidextrous having one extra skill that the other doesn't seem to have i guess i'll accept that since it means i can be done with this video alrighty so viewer were there any things that were objectively different in your eyes did we miss something or get one fully wrong let us know down below in the comments and hey i'll see you next time in the next video and i guess that means you're gonna drag me into that one too yeah yeah only if this one does well though so who knows whatever you do viewer don't share this video or like it or dislike it or comment those i'll post the video so stop it please i'm so done with splatoon i'm so done with everything [Music] i lost my body for this and until next time never stop using your noggin you

Channel: Lockstin & Gnoggin

Views: 63,579

Rating: 4.8970938 out of 5

Keywords: splatoon, splatoon 2, splatoon 3, inkling, octoling, how to play inkling, splatfests, splatfest, best splatfest, best splatfests, splatfest winner, splatoon theory, smash bros, callie and marie, squid sisters, pokemon red vs blue, cat vs dog, chicken or egg, mayonnaise vs ketchup, Mayonnaise vs ketchup splatfest, splatoon 2 update, splatoon 3 direct, final splatfest

Id: 6rkmbjmT2sc

Length: 17min 39sec (1059 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 28 2020