Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within - Nostalgia Critic

this episode brought to you by stamps.com why go to the store to get stamps when you can have them printed right at home for your convenience [Music] [Music] hey what are this yes Oh Malcolm Tamara take a seat but there's no chairs I said take a seat do you remember the Swan Princess review oh yeah yeah sure I think a lot of people like that one and do you remember the characters mr. rooster and Miss Kitty I think so yeah we voiced them right because nobody demanded it I decided to give them a spinoff named Miss rooster and mr. kitty you know a rooster can't be female right I don't see gender only money plus I'm gonna have them star in all the sketches moving forward wait you're replacing us portraying characters with characters that we've already portrayed oh yes virtual actors are the future so you're no longer needed farewell don't you just do their voices though I guess you have a point or whatever you didn't mention that but we are gonna have to negotiate no need you can't bet everything on virtual actors that nobody's even seen yet well I think you misunderstood Malcolm I'm not negotiating with you I'm negotiating with your characters mr. kitty miss rooster please come in you see I had them animated earlier they're the most perfect virtual characters you can imagine they will be in all future sketches play all future characters look exactly how I want them to look if you could just read the lines I wrote for their negotiations that'd be swell well gee we'd love to but our reach just doubled Oh everybody associates your voices with them oh well if you want the illusion to be ruined no no let me just write then to the budget here I see okay fine say the lines gee mr. critic since we're not real you can negotiate whatever you want wait why isn't his mouth moving I must have just paid for another animation to have them walk in not two but it in more from lip movements actual actors Oh Oh what kind of personality does mr. kitty hat by the way Oh none what well I want be blank slate so people can imagine them and all the rules that isn't leaving an impact what would make people want to see them in other roles why are you making this so complicated just get to the part where everything works okay what movie did you see what anytime you act weird or weird ern it's because of a movie that tried the same thing nonsense just as a key Ross will soon be the most famous virtual actress in the entire fantasy so what if it was Final Fantasy the Spirits Within with something of a bizarre experiment based loosely on the popular video game franchise this was one the first fully computer-generated movies to attempt to look photorealistic the median Entertainment has come a lot further in this technology it still stands as a pretty damn impressive effort and an expensive one with a budget of over a hundred and thirty seven million dollars it only made 85 million of its money back why was so much put into a video game movie which infamously don't get much of return because no joke this was going to be the start of casting virtual actors their main character Akira's was being pushed as the first virtual character to be in other movies so you could have the Incredibles during Aki Ross Polar Express during Aki Ross maybe even cross into live-action movies like Bad Santa with a key Ross or Ken the hell with the key Ross I don't know so an idea on the one hand the lines of artistic identity are being blurred all the time with animated musical groups like gorillas and Miku being such big heads but something about this just seems silly I mean what is doll I'm gonna play a ninja turtle is Shrek gonna play Superman's upper lip is General Tarkin gonna play Jar Jar is sandals gonna play Sonic the Hedgehog please I guess in children's video we've kind of done this before putting Mickey Mouse Bugs Bunny and the Muppets in different roles but that's usually more for Laughs and even then they usually don't stray far away from their well-known personalities they don't act much different outside of the characteristics we already know them for which is exactly what acting is supposed to be for the most part I mean if a key Ross played sadness and inside out does that mean we couldn't change the way she look to match the character because it's already a design virtual actress or what are we more of her to look like the character kind of defeating the purpose of the virtual actress the whole thing's a little odd but people the time were convinced this was going to be the next big thing she's one of a hundred women who may change the cultural landscape perhaps the movie star of the summer indeed the perfect plan isn't it miss rooster damn that something went wrong with the render at night the pay the animators overtime oh hey I'm a phone with Phil Lamarr he says the virtual character he's playing may want to voice mr. kitty Oh heavy phil lamarr attached could be a big draws probably gonna cost more than me though okay fine it's worth having a celebrity like that playing the perfect character playing the perfect character playing the part of a character but because Final Fantasy bombed so hard the idea was dropped faster than a sequel to Simone Vic to the brave you'll remember that movie I acknowledge its existence so why did Final Fantasy fail to find a real audience with its virtual characters oh let's take a look this is final and unlike the games I do actually mean Final Fantasy the Spirits Within do you still need us no get out of here but with our virtual characters still here we might need to voice those ha I don't have a budget right now to animate them leaving no we're very method and we go wherever our characters go look an off-camera alien took them away what's the aliens name out you might be able to start a future sketches ah it's virtual deal is getting worse all the time I guess the Columbia torch is now a lightsaber oh because sci-fi as we open insight Jared Leto's brain and find it full of those things Jack skilling Tim likes to walk down [Music] whoa like the movie script and nothing is there yet somehow it's supporting me every night the same dream this is dr. Akira's voiced by ming-na wen who keeps having dreams of an alien world it's been 34 years since they arrived on this planet out a day passes that the survivors forced to live in barrier cities do not live in fear I believe my dreams hold the key will I be in time to save the earth which it really puts the dump and Exposition dump by the way if you don't follow the game's fear not the movie doesn't either ironic is the director of the movie worked on Final Fantasy games before doing this film and granted each game has a different story and characters admit I never followed them that closely but you can definitely identify a solid style from them they're big they're colorful they're imaginative they're weird they're over-the-top they're a perfect mix of both science fiction and fantasy this looks like someone just pissed a sci-fi Channel movie into a jar of mud and then tried to animate Mars Needs Moms 2 out of it it's not necessarily lazy it's just standard even for back then this is all the typical sci-fi stuff you saw everywhere the music even tries to make such run-of-the-mill imagery sound much grander that actually is my god a ship landing on earth I haven't seen that since everything huh damn Powerpuff Girls playing tag again dr. Ross lands in New York to see if more than product placement survived the apocalypse I would wear more protective space combat gear but my hair sensor gun sound like the little girl's hair being pulled oh no the generics an alien race made out of other alien races from other movies showing the two world chorus said we'll get along great with the spirits Korra said several soldiers land though and fight off the hollows berm just what the hell do you think you're doing the life-form in here I'm taking you in fine arrest me but I'm not leaving without that life-form but arresting you you have the right to be arrested I am NOT even in charge I need a minute to extract it she finds what she's looking for inside a plant but more space shrimp tried to attack music stop confusing nothing for something it's nothing that was a final fantasy movie it blows that doesn't Ghostbuster reboot it come as promised it was worth the lives of you and your men she thinks you're making she's an idiot I know you're not a man I think you're an idiot too very funny is it captain Grey played by Alec Baldwin of course reveals that him and doctor Ross used to be an item and is also Archer nice to see you too I'm sorry I can't hear you over the sound of my giant throbbing erection oh come on no grand music on that standard size I shot getting scanned the other soldiers played by usually distracting voices steve buscemi fing rains and peri gilpin all sounds so freakin distinct that it's impossible to connect them coming out of these CG puppets it just sounds like the criminals from Fargo and out of sight are calling rise to get on the dr. crane show so these skin is a probably worse was these machines are suspected of causing sterility and I want to have a little Neil jr. calling me daddy someday that's a spooky thought oh no doubt about it they're gonna make it to the end [ __ ] captain they got him there must be a mistake you came in contact with the Phantom sir please remain calm well that almost makes me have a facial expression I can't start having a personality now what level is he blue it'll be called red in three and a half minutes now that is the third saddest thing I've heard today Wow the suspense I have for these human military catchphrases I've known for only a minute is really drawing me in dr. Ross saves him by zapping the alien phantom inside his body I'm told this represents human emotion clearly didn't work it's alright your chin is still two-thirds your body what's with her in the captain what's with her and that stupid plant what no really what I think you forgot to write a joke Donald Sutherland reprises his role as smart old guy as he talks with dr. Ross about finding one of the missing spirits they're looking for in the plant spirits I thought we weren't supposed to use the S word don't get smart with me you'd be the first person in this movie to do so weirder things in this movie isn't me now when is known for being a really great voice actress like giving solid performance after solid performance every time I don't know if it was just bad direction if there was a time crunch but her delivery throughout the entire film seems more computer-generated than her character is you made it possible to harness that energy for ovale pack scanners even the barrier the council knows that they trust you dr. Danny I think I seen my mom and dad in the audience hi mom and dad I'm a doctor a doctor there is a war going on no one's young anymore can we unless she pretends to be a boy for some reason I don't know how we're just positive it'll add more life to her scenes no sorry you have to see that but you know how it is when you get those are manly urges our ideas are unpopular okay if you have any notes or records that could be used against you destroy them oh come on science being a popular especially in an age of computers that seems far-fetched dr. Ross and smart old guy go to the counsel of space choosey things and make their case that defeating the alien race known as the Phantom's with a giant cannon is not a good idea and don't you hate it when he can't tell who the bad guy is could you please explain why Zeus was completed a month ago seeing how I'm played by James Woods it clearly should have been called Hades we have reconvened today to vote on that very issue again my god is anybody ugly in this movie can someone have a zit when we increase the laser power facility per particles as you all know is the number one line to warn you that you're in a shitty movie as you know one of the laziest uses for exposition because as stated many times before if it's already known why is it being said as you all know as you may know you know I conducted a raid on the great library did you pretty much put it on a movie's tombstone as soon as as mentioned so as you know the Phantom's nest is in the meteor that hit Earth washed up ohmic matrix code here wants to blast it smart old guy says it's not a good idea because it'll hurt the Earth Spirit yep that's what we're doing in Julius you mean the Gaia I mean you mean the spirit of the earth yes she's going through eighth grade planted to your bodies the way centipedes have gone through socks for the sake of our children we cannot risk this even if Gaia does exist won't we still have to remove the Phantom's but there is an alternative to the space Kenner please as we know the really as you know pink is a colour salt is salty and the writer for this is never getting hired again he suggests using several hidden spirits whose energy can cancel out the phantoms but as of now they're not all discovered gathering plants and animals to fight the Phantom's is utter nonsense oh he said the N word some army of touchy-feely plants and animals by the way I love James Woods I think he's a great talent he's hugely entertaining to watch but tell me tell me he's not trolling the movie with this line reads we've succeeded in containing the particles Oh where is the proof seriously how much more please notice me high school drama teacher can you get where is the proof you are tearing me apart proof where is the proof where it's in critic I can't find your copy of Young Frankenstein where is oh I'm sorry sir rotted the minestrone there is there [ __ ] where is dead things look a deer where is look magic yes please ha ha look at that ice cream sell her one of my wisdom teeth fell out oh that's very fortunate indeed perhaps I'll get some money tonight oh well you better head to bed critic indeed Malcolm [Music] goodnight little critic good night Malcolm and Tamara dream of merriment and joy I [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] cereal what will they think of next oh hello critic good morning Malcolm and Tamara sleep well sure did oh did the fairy come last night why I got so excited for cereal I don't even think the check well better go take a look [Music] yeah is the tooth congratulations critic that was supposed to annoyingly drawn-out joke you've done in years how does it feel well you know we were nervous at first I mean we deliberately wasted everybody's time I mean the rebuke just completely disappeared but you know hopefully we gave some nightmares out there with the fairy and I want to thank God and to all the people I pissed off out there I'm sorry I'm not emotional words stupid emotional words I'm from Mohammed and I'm not talking to a camera right now I'm just insane dr. oz shows that she is infected by the phantoms and that the research has slowed it down [ __ ] the only way to destroy the infection without destroying her is finding the other spirits get have you been watching this movie but two of the guys stopped their transport so that grey of Ross can have some time alone we're just gonna strand them for a while we're just helping the captain out of it come on huh that old cliche of muscle bound military men trying to hook couples up it's a moiré baby it's okay it's not like any of their lifespans or women who don't wait oh God that's how Maximum Overdrive started so will you tell me about them she told them about the spirits they've collected and the odd places they've been found the fourth was a bird never tried to track a sparrow from outer space what am I saying you probably would love that you're right I probably would she's always been known for his late night Sparrow tracking fifth was a little girl dying in a hospital emergency room oh you're not ready for a scene like this movie you have to practice with a few spots and bumpers before you get to do a scene like this I told her everything had a spirit dogs cats trees little girls really yeah it's rightness I told her that she wasn't dying just returning to the earth spirit okay I guess I'll give credit that they're attempting to go outside their comfort zone but I just don't really see how this is the romantic moment the movie was building up a second ago she told me but she was ready to die it's a moiré baby only seven years old and ready to die it's a moiré baby I'm sorry and I mean that in the most non caring Alec Baldwin II way I can say that I have to find the seventh and eighth spirits oh please [ __ ] is he using this as a means to get in her pants I guess this was a romantic scene after all know how much time I have left mmm kids dying our Hut tell me about the ending of my girl it's so puts me in the mood it's a moiré baby blocking trope can someone please get me a cat from my black leather gloves to pet I'm trying to do as many evil red flags as I can here report any aberrant behavior in dr. Ross to the major immediately dr. Ross is a spy the general is wondering why he's explaining himself to a captain somehow an animator took von dooms comically childish sneer face and turned it into an entire person the general is wondering why he's explaining himself to a captain dr. Ross has another dream about the alien world as it looks like Robo duck men are going to war and I'm not gonna lie that's a pretty cool sentence to say like the audience everybody's waiting for something to happen stones not safe here two for the team go to find a seventh of the eighth spear it's in a dangerous region where phantoms roam the seventh spirit should be just beyond that line of wreckage behind the rabbit this was the Phantom cleansing mission my father's in here somewhere a survivor what's it doing out here hoping for life to return yes most birds follow hope over instinct Coco Puffs is an addiction that can be beat they seem to find the spirit and one of the soldiers backpacks how do you explain that packs power our weapons the barrier of cities I mean it's just by a theory Kenny's wait stop you're doing your painful exposition without using the words as you know come on maybe we can go for three in this sticker but the Phantom's bind them and try to hunt them down yeah that was kind of cool they take off as two of the soldiers say they have to take Ross in as her infection attracts the Phantom's won't let you do this soldier you're gonna have to shoot me well that seemed harsh she's greedy there was scary I shoot scary oh my god you killed a hooker the Phantom's take out the two soldiers ah they didn't even get to capture the flag which makes underworld here very unhappy the divas are returning from the wasteland sir apparently there was an incident what was he even doing before that guy came in doesn't you have any important work to do evil mm brooding my hand smells great by tomorrow morning that council will be at our feet meanwhile a key seems to be dying and I don't know you make sense of this she needs a sympathetic spirit to help hold her in this world and I can think of no spirit that are suited for that task than yours captain so if I just clap my hands and say I believe in Aki she'll come back to life well something like that they set up a device to share the same dream while he puts the seven spirit in her it's not that I understand it I just don't care where are we on an alien planet you seem pretty calm yes you're usually so energized and expressive oh no it's the alien versus Predator movie even less people wanted Wow I think actual Castlevania fire looks more impressive than that photorealism everybody the dream shows the aliens destroyed their world and a meteor was flung into our world so it's like Superman except instead of aliens saving the day they made everything destructive and boring like Superman [Applause] [Music] definitely you should really go to Stan's comm who did I am your conscience why does my conscience sound like a 70s robot the real question is white going to sound like a 70s robot anyway you should render go to Stan's calm but why I'm totally fine with the stance I usually use yes but you have to go to the post office to pick them up in with Stan's comm you can just stay at home why no one really has time to go to the post office you're busy who's got time for all that traffic parking lugging around all your mail and packages just a real hassle oh that must be why stamps.com is one of the most popular time-saving tools for small businesses what a weird thing to say yes Stan's calm eliminates unnecessary trips and saves you money what discounts you can't even get at the post office you feel like they'll so specific just the way I set those words and put them back on brings all the amazing services of the u.s. post office right to your computer but they're a small office sending invoices and online sellers shipping out products or even a warehouse sending out thousands of packages a day stamps.com can handle it all with ease it's a simple process - ok who's this now this is your eyeball my eyeball also sounds like a seventies robot it's a coincidence anyway simply use your computer to print official US postage 24/7 for any letter any package any class of mail anywhere you want to send once your mail is ready just hand it to a mail carrier or drop it off in a mailbox that's involved it saves you so much money - let me guess my stomach why don't you sound like a seventies robot we stamp that can't you get 5 cents off the first-class Stampin Up the point percent up Priority Mail not to mention it's a fraction of the cost of those expensive postage meters good point conscience this is your eye idiot stamps.com is a no-brainer saving you time and money it's no wonder over 700 thousand small businesses already used dance comm my eyeball is right it's extremely helpful whenever I need to send out merchandise or other product this isn't your eyeball this is your foot what your foot says right now everybody can be included in a special offer we trial plus free postage a digital scale without any long-term commitment just go to Stan's dad come click at the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in nostalgia that's dance background and to nostalgia anyone else want to say anything Chaplin how about you cactus - back down and enter nostalgia today [Music] [Applause] so while adorable wolfenstein nazi sits around again not doing any real work just continuing to brood my wife and daughter but killed by phantoms when the San Francisco barrier I'm trying to give him character now he looks like the cool older brother of Neil Patrick Harris from Starship Troopers I think all credibility assailed he tries sabotaging one of the bases so that the council will be more desperate to go with his plan now realizing he's letting the Phantom's get too close breach in Sector thirty-one general relax major when this nights over you're going to be a hero ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha meanwhile our heroes get captured and try to figure out what a key and grey's dream meant the meteor is a chunk of their planet that got thrown into space when they destroyed their world I feel like she's gonna tell me what number I reached and then instruct me to leave a message what meteor turns you into momentum a how could they survive the trip across outer space on a hunk of rock they didn't they're not an invading army they're ghosts yeah how's that for a twist the creatures that were known as spirits and phantoms we're ghosts next you'll be telling me drinks are actually beverages sir I have numerous phantom contacts speaking of dead weight the phantoms break in too far past security and begin wiping out the barrier rig relax your hero wah-ha-ha-ha remember he learned his lesson enough to do it just one more time near the end of the movie yeah your attempts at sympathy work as well as Hitler giving us sorry things got out of hand card bars are pulsonic lasers I mean it's not like I can just wave a magic wand and hey my voice was so nasally it short-circuited the doors I think we should proceed [Applause] this was a full scene and a button see this movie has earned two points picture - I'm four-wheeler that somehow sounds like a go card we need to buy my ship if it was told inside the city it would be in the military hangar I may have to use a whole horsepower on this thing but they crash causing one of them to get injured we'll find the ship and be back for you look at that face so they run to the ship so they can come back for him are they leisurely stroll you know he doesn't get in the way of this nice relaxing walk opens up the lungs even though his will be closed soon it's still nice there's the problem to get the ship moving though two of them have to go down to tinker with some wires you think we're gonna get out of here alive I mean I wonder if anybody else has gotten out what if it's all a bunch of mumbo-jumbo Wow Jane do you mind if we stop talking I'm trying to concentrate here [Music] yeah we're taking that point back but the phantoms catch up with them he went out like he lived tragically unfunny well it's like they say in the military when the going gets tough buy a key sees what's going on and decides to help we're in countdown to liftoff one week it's too dangerous Aki well I did all I could maybe I'll miss her the team gets wiped out except for dr. Roz gray and smart old guy who fly out of there hey I know a lot of people are dead but I'm kind of horny these two people want the ball get the most morbid times more than Gomez and Morticia Addams toupee tonight I enlarge the scanning perimeter yeah she enlarge my scanning perimeter too it looks like both them and slimy del slime slime are going to the crater where it looks like the final spirit is located that's a one-way trip and then we wait that's your plan we wait and see what happens yes you learn that in med school that you obviously didn't get into a key and gray go down to the crater just before it gets blasted hurting the Earth's feelings general han you must cease fire immediately what you are looking at in the crater is the living spirit of an alien's homeworld she recorded this in a day the cost maybe the entire planet sir chun-li you is laughing at you he of course refuses and keeps firing as Granick 'i come across the guy and all her blue kool-aid glory that's not what I think it is is it yes it's Gaia so planet spirits are Smurfs not good to know I know as a villain I shouldn't say this but piece of candy I guess one of the Phantom's is a compatible spirit but they don't know which one yet not that it matters much as dr. ross does which he does best in this movie being passed out nope God was this just the longest build-up to the most expensive tentacle hand-tight cuz i weirdly respect that um does internet porn know you're cheating on it with the hope of new life as Gaia changed the phantom within do you hear me Sid the wave pattern is complete I don't know what happened I use mere IMDB yet um you're on ER you're dr character quinn save this performance the final spirit finds her and they use all the spirits to try and stop the beam but Dartz face ball actually uses so much energy and his laser beam that it ends up nuking the entire ship Jesus this guy could turn on a light switch without blowing a place off but I never got my prey gray is injured though and dr. Ross tries to keep him alive with all her heart don't leave me grey hang on please I still have the wave what kind of beam when she hit with a blue Kshama lighnator it's kind of confusing what happens next but somehow grace sacrifices himself by mixing his body and her spirit with the Phantom's body and spirit baby do you care I'll miss you and all three of your jaw lines Wow like peach chutney eyes babe whatever he did it made everything better as we're given the last line of the movie the same thing you'd say when your hot pockets done deep you look stupid and he like stupid you both suck and that's it that's exactly where it ends mmm I mean it says good a reaction as anything else so yeah this movie is pretty dull and sadly very lifeless the movie encompasses way too much sci-fi instead of a sci-fi fantasy mix but even if it did it would still have the same stock characters and dialogue that you would get from Wow a very uninspired videogame ethical level I'll give it credit all the visuals are pretty sterile compared to other sci-fi it still was a breakthrough and how realistic an entire CG movie could look sure it's a tad dated now but these were big steps in making CGI more convincing both in totally animated movies and blending in with live-action movies and yeah obviously you can't have a virtual actress and other movies if there's nothing engaging about the actress outside of the fact that she's virtual you have to give the people something cool first if you wish for them to want to see more and you know I'm sorry that took you two for granted from now on I'll recognize acting talent in flesh and blood rather than the virtual realm thank you critic yeah we really appreciate okay that's all you paid us for wait what are you two doing we negotiated remember we let you use our Malcolm and Tamara characters for the amount of time you paid for wait so Malcolm and Tamara were virtual actors this whole time no you dumbass they're doing our voices remember yeah we're still virtual characters we just made two other virtual characters of Malcolm tamra that we boost well them where's the real Malcolm Tamara oh we killed them what are you talking with her they recorded them earlier we just predicted what you were going to say oh come on no one that energy is peanut butter hey man go super magnetism oh god you are geniuses yeah you should have created us so perfect it's only logical that this would be the natural progression of using virtual actors well I'm not a virtual actor I'm a real man flesh and blood and there is no way that I'm gonna okay Chester you can stop whoa I'm sorry it's just so much fun to imagine he's real you want to catch a bite [Music] if you make these its way this creature in these we've hit in a wire better than that where's the proof joke they still don't get that in Samar a baby hey Doug Walker here Huntington's disease Society of America as this week's charity shoutout Huntington's disease is a fatal genetic disorder that causes the progressive breakdown of nerve cells in the brain today there are approximately 30,000 Americans that suffer from this and more than 200,000 at risk inherent in the disease Huntington's disease Society of America is the premier nonprofit organization dedicated to improving the lives of everyone affected by this disease from community services and education to efficacy and research they are the world's leader in providing help for today and hope for tomorrow in the battle against Huntington's disease this organization makes sure nobody fights alone if you look at their site you can see all the ways they fight for a cure and help those who have to live with it they work endless hours to help countless people and you can play a big part in helping them out click on the link and show your support you you

Channel: Channel Awesome

Views: 808,644

Keywords: channel awesome, doug walker, nostalgia critic, final fantasy, final fantasy the spirits within, final fantasy movie, final fantasy movie review, final fantasy review, movie, film, video game movies, bad video game movies, bad movies, worst video game movie, movie review, film review, the spirits within review, final fantasy video game, final fantasy series, ming-na wen, alec baldwin, ving rhames, steve buscemi, movie critic, critic

Id: ErP8Hv9G5v0

Length: 38min 27sec (2307 seconds)

Published: Wed May 15 2019