Doom - Nostalgia Critic

[Music] [Music] [Music] remember so you don't have to every once in a while you just got to relive a classic game and for us that game is doomed one of the best first-person shooters ever do premiered in 1993 following a lone Space Marine on Mars who has to fight off demons from heaven it's as bare-bones bloody as it gets and it kicks ass to revisit it again and it's about to get a whole lot better what you got there devil horn doom the movie the game is it a god it has to be the movie had the rock and r-rating and rapid gunfire who the three sacred ours did you ever see it no but a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend aid and he didn't like it but it's the game version what's this grew up did you ever play Street Fighter the movies again no but a friend of a friend of a friend put it in let's kill some hell demon [Music] [Music] there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of monsters maybe there would if they would just turn the damn lights on I said it not very eventful back to walking you know you think the forces the hell would have a little bit more variety in their offense they do sure I can't you're supposed to ask her questions I think it's more of a mystery than a shoot above anyone notice doom the movie the game kind of sucks we'll ask her well the hell spawn is there are no Hell spawn here hell is a metaphor for our current predicament but we do have zombies that's kind of cool shoot the dead people so they don't come back to life so you're supposed to shoot not moving people they're already dead even Jesus couldn't heal how lame this is wait there's the rock I am turning into an evil demon ah now we're talking there I'm an evil demon now what the hell this is supposed to be red meat Chu and mayhem tell me the movie isn't this doll alright the movie isn't this doll okay it's even though and the continuing pattern of video game movies sucking pixel ass do should have been the easiest crowd-pleaser to make you got the rock Gore and the premise about shooting demons from hell on Mars you have to try to make this uninteresting but oddly enough we got an adaptation that's both not faithful enough and yet somehow to faith it's an intriguing disaster that deserves to be explored so let's see why do means dumb this is would you like to use the BFG yeah you may fire it twice at a wall and then never again do weirdly it prolongs the universal logo to give us this incredibly important information archaeologists working in the Nevada desert discovered a portal to an ancient city on Mars we're still struggling to understand why it was built would it have something to do with the spice okay was that essential to put before the studio ID it's like starting off Jurassic Park with Dinosaurs our thing I'm not kidding what the Wraith are going they might do that we start out on Mars and so far it seems on the right path with scientists running from some sort of evil presence [Music] now whose regrets taking the last donut this morning how are you gonna screw this up this is like the perfect opening to a doom film such a comment justified reset Olduvai id 6 6 to 17 I fear I made a game where the movie event horizon will be a better adaptation we cut the earth where the rock plays a Space Marine whose still built even the camera seems to get lost in his packs property maintain quarantine at both Ark portals by any means necessary Christ I think the camera is fogging up from the heavy breathing that camera operator is giving actually who was the camera operator on this you sneak on set to get footage of a celebrity that you're stalking and they credit you we seized crew Marines who are totally gonna live long lives oh they partake in the most advanced a futuristic handheld gaming Tiger electronics don't bother me man I'm playing doc goes up and down on 90 cell phone you know movies in trouble Wentz based on a game and they can't get games right listen up man leave is canceled got a problem with that Duke he saw us he'll know I love my job but I was just five seconds away from retirement that's literally retirement right there coming towards me with my future beautiful wife and kids oh I guess one more mission is gonna kill me I mean is gonna kill me I mean why can't I say the word isn't he's joined by soldier John Grimm played by Karl Urban what knowledge is his sister is on the Mars station that they're heading towards how long's it been 10 years sure she's even still up there it's not that he's just terrified of space travel remember a tiny crack in the hull in our blood boils in 13 seconds I may throw up on you jokes on Judge Dredd almir and skirts be ready you could be needed at any time I guess you gotta face your demons sometime that's dooms idea symbolism huh you know it was gonna be followed up with I think we should be more environmentally safe I'm just feeling so down afraid I might chicken out can this thing go to ludicrous speed they do they're expendable pose and go inside the mat facility uaq that's the sound bite you Billy makes when he dies so it turns out the portal to Mars is the exact same as Galaxy Quest cartoon splooge consuming you and physically throwing you to another planet get word of advice if you can see the great kazoo traveling the same way it's probably not gonna be taken that seriously and here we are Mars looks exactly like the set we were just on like no difference by god you change the light bulbs and suddenly you travel through space ooh let me show you my rocket ship I'm in space but it looks like not everyone who used the portal or Ark travel as they call it have a successful ride in the past he went to one galaxy his ass went to enough unbelievable as it may seem UAC does make the odd a tiny mistake how didn't nobody make a Uranus joke you're so bad it's good writing card please they quarantined the area which apparently means creeper immunity is temporarily lowered 100 level 5 quarantine so I am just gonna have to strip search you girl's rapist they come across dr. Grimm who was assigned to retrieve data from her lab we really don't have room for passengers I have orders to retrieve data from three servers this is a military operation doctor we're really not here to retrieve your sign someone listened to my eyebrows they know what they're talking about just gonna spoil my day no sir tell me you didn't let a fine-looking piece of ass like that get away from you Reaper I know he's talking about her but his eyes are on the rock tell me you didn't let a fine-looking piece of ass like that get away from you Reaper she's my sister no [ __ ] the Roxie assistant do you think you know a woman so I'll give credit they get to the gun hunting pretty fast again making you think they're gonna just jump right into the action and gore but it might be hard to see yes apparently this lab doesn't believe in any goddamn lights and no it's not that they're out there are literally no lights to be found anywhere why do scientists and movies never want to see their science meanwhile John Haynes with his sister so they can pointlessly bicker like well whiny siblings oh yeah meet Lucy Lucy this is my brother John another creature from the long-lost past thanks for protecting me while I do my research ass this is Lucy's chromosome profile my molecular genetics is a little rusty what's the first thing dad taught us to look for his beer never bother you you could have spent your life looking in a microscope instead of a sniper scope I don't even get why they hate each other this is the back story were given a purse parents are the first team of archaeologists to Olduvai they died in some accident when he was a kid she followed in their footsteps and he didn't bad so why does that mean they attack each other every other second their parents are dead but they're both doing honorable work maybe they're in a contest or who can do the most awkward American accent you got 24 pairs of chromosomes we found no genetic disorders no viruses no cancers so what they were just naturally superior see the earliest remains we found only had 23 we're bloody brilliant Americans we ours bioengineering again thanks for the protection dick okay the music's amped up now we're getting some action but the doors been read that way sir there's something in Carmack's office yeah thank the giant hold on the metal door draws that conclusion quite clearly you dumbass Oh newt is not aged well got a car Mike it's me Samantha come on guys give him a hand no regrets they recognized him as the doctor but he's clearly not well Mike Tyson in himself tears off his own here [ __ ] like that gets under your skin oh god I love those Marines that undermine one another do you heaven I'm just a little shocked if I need something in my focus oh and get high mid-mission I took his name in vain oh and reacted taking the Lord's name in vain by carving the Lord's name in vain Joe had a more balanced army okay did they find the others not yet my husband's with them I'm sure Steve's fine who Steve who are you maybe this is Steve maybe he'll finally give us some good acting he's dead all right there's something in the vents that has to lead to some badass violence monkey was that the monkey they even tried to take something so obviously lame and try to make it sound intimidating what was that monkey he took me through his monkey rap once again something moves they shoot and rock music comes back for a couple seconds before turning completely off once again that didn't go the [ __ ] so let's come back to the scientist where I don't know we're supposed to care about go be with your daughter don't want to stay Steve's gonna be okay the guy's looking for me the best that's right the pervy drug taking cross carving best are you high what you know you should go just to get away from them the van Gogh inspired doctor disappears while our Marines continue to search for friggin anything all right here we go what the hell happened fell in the damn hole everybody on me watch your goddamn footing we opposed watch your goddamn footing finally they come across something supernatural hey Georgie but again the action is friggin short as it just takes a bite out of cross cutter and they lose him in the lab where the hell's Carmack he disappeared what do you mean he disappeared well I was gonna radio you guys to let you know but things actually the fine thing is people are getting worse with the virus the scientist seems to be getting worse with her acting she slowly starts to slump in some very odd line delivery god help us like the gamut between extreme reaction absolute nothing and only a second oh god oh god good lead in delivery wasn't that great either you were gonna tell me just what the [ __ ] is going on up here what spoken like a degree carrying professional what hey what duh what blah well the soldiers search for answers the scientist is left behind with her bubble wrap door Dook Dook it's just a power source on constant badass firing have anything but stupid fake cows and lame short jump scares damn straight and we're getting sick of it we're gonna shoot the [ __ ] out of this movie and it's spin-off game let's kill drug guy who's carving crosses into his arm go ahead sir yeah we're coming safe with you here yeah he'll be okay this is very exciting though and it's like 19% exciting on Rotten Tomatoes oh just the cameraman sorry dude gets attacked by Pumpkinhead covered in pasta but they stop into the bubble-wrap door thank you for saving me [ __ ] woo this window contains a flashback could you keep your backstory down I'm going over my lines from my Hannah Montana cameo I can't be doing some weird [ __ ] in case you're wondering by the way this backstory goes nowhere yeah it's like focusing on Batman being allergic to cats ah yes it's kind of interesting but it doesn't further a goddamn thing so they keep searching through somebody make that cannon so they keep searching through the labs and again come across a threat that just quickly runs away moving fast thank you what do you see it's big very big moving fast lord knows numbers aren't used by the military or scientists to describe how big or fast something is it's big very big but there's another big thing even bigger than the last big thing my god a big thing even bigger than the big thing that was bigger than the other big thing big surprise is more exact than you but it looks like the cross cutter from before is not quite dead set my god I'm so religious I'm Jesus and again just when you think a cool action scene might take this guy out he takes his own 4 against ofout knew he was turning so yes you probably realized by now this is just a lame-ass zombie film that's more shame to use the word zombie than the walking dead regardless they do at least try to work in a weapon from the game one of the most famous guns of all time The BFG oh yeah they know to build this [ __ ] up The BFG is such a testosterone enhancer every gun starts to look like a dick you're a lucky person if you find someone who looks at you the way the rock looks at the BFG it's badass it fires awesome and as we all know BF G stands for bio force shut up shut up you're an r-rated movie help you can get away with saying it even once in a pg-13 movie and you go with that [ __ ] are you kidding me next you'll be telling me STFU stairs are silly Teletubbies find unicorns I should not have to tell doom to grow a pair but screw it if it gets the job done it gets the job done after two more men are killed in the dark where we can't see a damn thing Rock comes in with the bio-forge gun to take care of business [Applause] hmm that guy's dying I guess I'm a crazy character or something and okay look cool but it was one shot and I don't even think he got the thing is that it is that it for a while really so um not to ruin the dumpster fire of surprises that I'm sure are ahead of us but uh how many more times does he use that gun in this friendly giant it'd be about as intimidating I bet the jackasses who wrote this are the same jack ancestors thought this is the most six earthbenders to do help they both have rocks in them with no personality to Frank and Claire oh my god not again I got okay so Rock drops off two more dead bodies and once again tries to get some answers what are you people experimenting with up here I told you it's an archeological research center I'm on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan [ __ ] and like I said the scientist acting seems to get squeakier and squeakier what will you send to protect the research data tell me about this human emotion called human emotion it looks like they were experimenting on criminals and now the experiments have gotten out of control we were never gonna do human studies chromosome 24 I'm in a movie if he perfected xenogenesis don't you get it it's this place it's hell it always was oh yeah you heard that correctly this is held as in symbolically hell that's what we want to see in a doom movie a place so crazy reminds people of Hell but not really hell just like hell it's practically the same thing this is the equivalent of telling your children hey kids we're going to Disneyland that is I'm gonna smack you on the head until you cartoon mice and stars to wish upon but it's like Disney laugh I nailed this you call if you need help okay thank you again [ __ ] no I do hope there's rock music that starts up and instantly disappears go through this movie has so little action the rock music is actually useful running not fighting running whenever they run that's when the music comes in how pathetic is that for a dual movie look there's the monster let's get him home wait no it's just my own projected sense of self-worth symbolic hello but one other monster seems to have gone through the portal back to earth so they have to return to yeah you guessed it the exact same set to look over the damage because they know that Dead come back to life they spend most of their time excitingly shooting already dead people okay did a robot write and say your lines how come these two are never in the same room they discover a room of families still alive but the rock doesn't want to take the chance and says kill them all well they're okay they're just scared shitless we'd kill them all I think son you don't think my God sort him out okay okay look um I'm actually open to the idea of the rock playing the villain in something but doom the movie where he holds the BFG is the focus of the poster and it - this is the one you want to try that out with okay look rocket you're a badass and everything don't get me wrong but you're also kind of adorable now he's doing the eyebrows they go and that's so menacing it Yunis insurrection is punishable by death em okay this is apparently what we wanted I don't need anybody else but soldiers let's um look at the scale of how much that was aren t I pretty well could you tell me what the point of my drug subplot was more zombie not held demon whatever his attack and the market spot among them he calls [ __ ] on what they're doing with him I mean did any of you read the manual about how to use your rock I don't die I'm not boring it weirdly enough I don't kill kids it's up to plan dipper and Mabel now just listen to her emotional concerns don't say with me let's do it trying to stay with me you're bleeding to death so this is our Dorothy right we just may want to act in movies and that we learned our lesson she gives him the disease because apparently if you have a good soul it'll make you super strong and not corrupting yes science it seems to work though as for a movie that tried so little to be like doom it's suddenly over corrects and goes to a first-person point of view trying to look exactly like the game to a ridiculous degree okay somewhere in between nothing like the damn game and just the damn game there's a damn movie please give us a damn movie but again because it's not actually hell he's just shooting zombie scientists look that was the wheelchair guy so any time you saw a monster that looks like him in the game that was always meant to be the same wheelchair guy all of them they're all this wheelchair guy was that guys planted Sharman to death you can't resist my smile [ __ ] Wow it's just like the game except I can't control anything and the story's completely different but you gem saying truly outrageous suddenly makes this authentic we got this he comes across the rock who is of course infected but he tells him he has one last round in the BFG left I've got one round well they better make it goddamn cow just call this a prequel to Roger Rabbit it makes no sense but it's a more satisfying connection to to the game thank you the fist fight because again Doom is really known for its fist fights but at the very least they can give us a big ass crazy monster version of the rock you know maybe one of these guys or something you can have fun with this idea what's his final form oh you just change design color and teeth that is exactly what I imagine the final boss and doom would look like oh we're rock are you really gonna have me say something positive about this I really don't want to say anything positive about this he throws him in the portal back to Mars and sends a grenade with him go to hell hello hard nosed this movie isn't willing to do so he grabs his sister and heads back to the surface of Earth almost almost completely missed the mark tomato tomahto and that was doom or so they tell me you would never guess by watching it I guess to its credit they get a few details right like the backstory in the game is about a Space Marine disagreeing with his surgeon because the sergeant wanted to murder the innocent and there was a portal to Mars as well as scientist doing evil experiments but taking a hell out of the equation is like taking ducks out of duck tails it's a friggin big part as an adaptation that goes from unfaithful to to faithful and as a standalone movie it's just a generic and forgettable flaw there's not much character there's not much gore there's just not much do and if there's anything dooms shouldn't be it's friggin Borg now I'm not gonna stop until we pay the doom game the respect it deserves we're gonna wipe out everything associated that dumbass movie you in [Music] Dunley you magnificent bastard this thing came off you really ruined our groove here okay give me a minute you said a second it's a minute now no no okay doesn't really stay on back let's roll there's that awful movie there's the game based on the movie based on the game there's that piece-of-shit script for the film hi I am Chris Geller I was the dental technician in the movie I'm the Nostalgia Critic and doom should never don't [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] I fell in the damn hole hey Doug Walker here doing the charity shout out in this week we are doing in gender health and gender health works to improve the health and well-being of people in the poorest communities of the world they do this by sharing their expertise in sexual and reproductive health and transforming the quality of health care they promote gender equality advocate for sound practices and policies and inspire people to assert their rights to better healthier lives working in partnership with local organizations they adapt their work in response to local needs with more than 65 years experience in the field of international sexual and reproductive health in gender health currently supports projects in dozens of countries around the world if you look at their site in their YouTube channel you'll understand why they're the leading global women's health organization committed to working toward a world where sexual and reproductive rights are respected as human rights click on the link and see what you can do to help so many people have safe and wonderful futures [Music] you [Music]

Channel: Channel Awesome

Views: 2,178,847

Keywords: channel awesome, nostalgia critic, doug walker, movie, movies, film, doom, doom movie, doom film, doom movie review, doom review, movie review, film review, video games, video game movies, bad movies, box office bombs, horrible movies, the rock, dwayne johnson, karl urban, rosamund pike, worst video game movies, review

Id: lcTAqi0T1PY

Length: 29min 33sec (1773 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 08 2018