Fifty Shades of Grey is hilariously dumb...

okay I don't know why it took me so long to finally get around to this video ever since I did Twilight way back like god I don't feels like fifty years ago at this point people have been very politely asking me to take a look at Fifty Shades of Grey now much like the movie after aka the Citizen Kane of our generation Fifty Shades started out as fan fiction and eventually turned into whatever this is cuz like you know everything nowadays is just comic books or Wattpad so we're just really living in the darkest timeline here but anyway I hope you all got yourselves a fresh pair of underwear cast who you are not ready for this so before that really quick this video is brought to you by honey now if you don't know what honey is then you probably don't watch as many YouTube videos as I do but still honey is a browser extension that finds and uses online shopping promo codes to get you the best price available for just about anything you could want to buy it works on over 20,000 different sites including all the big ones like Amazon Etsy eBay Wayfarer Target Sephora just almost anything really and whether you're buying something for someone else or guilting them into buying you something honey can get the best price available go to join honey calm slash Alex Myers and you can install honey in just two clicks real quick and easy and start saving money immediately like here I went to the bath & Bodyworks website and I did that thing where I was originally just gonna get a couple hand soaps and then all of a sudden I look like a hoarder you know I mean and right before checkout honey found like nine different promo codes and tried them all for me to get me the best deal it even tells you if the sale price of something is actually worth it or not like here I'm on the Macy's website buying this martha stewart quilt because I'm in my 30s and this is my life now and it lets me know exactly how good of a deal I'm really getting so if you want to save money any time head on over to join honey comm slash Alex Meyers install the extension with just two clicks like I said and start saving today okay back to the show the movie starts right off with our main character and a steal a college senior who's in a bit of a situation at the moment because her roommate is supposed to interview someone for a class but she got sick and now anna has to do it because you know friendship or whatever and so she makes her way down to Seattle and our adventure begins you know I sure am glad she tripped and fell just right first thing in the movie cuz like how else we supposed to know if she's quirky and relatable at night so after picking herself up she finally gets to interview this guy Christian gray um so this is for the special graduation issue of the student newspaper yes I'm giving the commencement address at this year's ceremony you are very young to have amassed such an empire to what deal what do I owe my success yep yeah so this is Christian Grey the local 27 year old billionaire who earned his fortune doing like you know business stuff the key to my success has been in identifying talented individuals and harnessing their efforts you're a control freak no I exercise control in all things miss Steele in fact I'll have you know I've been holding in the same fart for like three weeks now so yeah I'm single but anyway the interview goes on the mana keeps doing that Bella Swan thing you know where she's just like the whole time and mr. grey over here starts to kind of turn the tables a little bit I would like to know more about you you said you're an English major what are your plans after you graduate I'm just trying to get through finals right now we offer an excellent internship program you don't think I'd fit in here look at me I am her anyway so after this whole interview thing is over and it goes back home and then just kind of you know it goes back to living her fascinating life of making out with pencils or whatever she does now some days later I assume Ana's at her job at the local hardware store and right then just out of nowhere you'll never guess who shows up I thought it was you and so as you can probably imagine you know Anna's just kind of like hey but don't worry everybody she plays it off pretty cool so what we come to find out is that Christians there to buy some cord ties masking tape and a bunch of rope mm-hmm and while they're going around the store picking all this stuff up and I'm Christian continue they're wonderfully bizarre conversation from before that's impressive good girls good no organized group activity isn't really missing so what is your thing hold on a second here you're telling me this relatedly awkward main character girl who's actually really pretty but like totally doesn't know it you're telling me that she reads books too well plot twist of the century I tell you what so after this Christian invites Anna had to have some coffee with him and end up talking about like family and that kind of stuff you know but right then all of a sudden Christian stands up and just kind of harrumphs his way out of the coffee shop I don't do the girlfriend not the man for you you should stare ferry mate mr. gray Shh man I'd say that's right the same exact line back in high school and all the girl ever said to me was who are you again also I just got to say this is all starting to sound a little familiar but anyway so to deal with the emotional stress of breaking up with someone she had two conversations with and it goes to the bar with her friends so they can all celebrate the fact that it's still 2015 in this world and they have no idea what's in store for them and so later in the night and is feeling a little courageous for one reason or another and calls up Christian while she's waiting in line to pee genius move I really just lets him have it yeah this is me worried I want you to go home right now ana let's go for coffee no stay away from me get away come here come here go now just to summarize the next sequence of events here Christian Greg gets upset that she's out with her friends he finds out where she is shows up out of nowhere and takes this 22 year old girl who can barely even stand up by herself all the way back to his hotel room [Music] anyway so the next morning Anna wakes up in said hotel room a little embarrassed and confused about everything and right then in walks Christian grey straight from the gym mm-hmm and then we get this amazing conversation you need you shouldn't get drunk like that I'm all for testing the limits but you put yourself at risk last night I know if you were mine you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week what does that have to do with anything they were just talking about I don't like it when you go out with your friends and I can say that cos you're only like 22 and don't know anybody yet also slight tangent but if you were my girlfriend you wouldn't be able to sit down ever again Wow shoot sign me up and then he eats her toast it's like at this point why not so anyway as you can probably imagine given everything that's just happened you know Anna's feeling kind of like tries to figure out what the heck is going on why am I here Christian you're here because I'm incapable leaving you alone Oh trust me you're really [ __ ] cuz we went to Chipotle twice last night and dad's gonna get real exciting real quick over here listen to me I don't do romance I mean yes clearly so the rest of the conversation is basically just like I'm a bad boy used to stay away from me and then Anna's like I can handle eight one I put a whole bag of warheads in my mouth and only cried for a week what are you doing with her I'm working at the hardware store till 7:00 I'll have Taylor pick you up then I would like to bite that lip I was like can we please just run that one more time I would like to bite that lip anyway so moving on from that so despite everything that just happened Anna is still somehow just really into this Christian grey dude cuz you know if there's one thing I've learned from doing all these movies it's that you can say pretty much anything as long as you have a Gillette commercial jaw line so yeah it's good luck to the rest of us anyway so after work later that day Kristian picks up Anna in his helicopter and takes her all the way back to his cool Batman house one thing leads to another and Anna ends up signing an NDA that says she can never tell anyone anything about her and Christian what's this it's a nondisclosure agreement it means that you cannot discuss anything about us with anyone which is so bizarre to me because like half of my relationships I had to beg them to tell people we were actually together you know and stop introducing me as help this guy won't leave me alone or why isn't my pepper spray working but anyway back to the movie are you gonna make love to me now yep this is definitely how a real person talks I don't make love a firetruck and so like any 27 year old billionaire Christian takes Anna down the hall to show off his playroom [Music] oh yeah sure the billionaire guy has a roomful of handcuffs and whips and that's cool and everything but I take a girl to my special Sailor Moon room and suddenly I'm pathetic and gross yeah but yeah so as you can probably imagine aim is starting to wonder like what exactly she's getting herself into I have rules if you follow them I'll reward you if you don't I'll punish you how could I get out of this me well that does not sound like a fair trade whatsoever so as this is all unfolding around her Anna starting to feel a little overwhelmed by everything you know like the place the room the guy who almost never blinks like it's a lot to take in but then as they're talking it over and Anna's trying to process everything we get the big plot twist reveal I already have a contract prepared we would negotiate what you are and are not willing to try I wouldn't know what do you mean you've done other things right you know that phrase always cracks me up like just imagine some girl walking down the street and all these guys are just like but but anyway so after learning this fascinating information about Anna Christian gets all excited and takes her down the hall to his room so they can you know make paper snowflakes for 25 minutes now after waking up and having her brain finally start working again Anna begins to wonder if this whole whips and chains Christian Grey Daddy lifestyle thing is really for her how many women have stayed in here 15 it's a lot of women I told you before if you want out I don't want out I just I'm not exactly jumping at the opportunity to get whipped and tortured in your Red Room of pain but all the same he gives her a contract and takes her back home and tells her to please consider signing away all of her freedom because she is an English Lit major after all so like what she gonna do her life so Anna reads the contract which is absolutely insane by the way and decides to reject Christian Grey's oh so generous offer but then the next day guess what happens [Music] [Music] it's been nice knowing me has it you know for a billionaire CEO this news gal out of free time but you know throughout this whole movie he's always talking about consent and trust then you could say no and leave at any time but when Anna actually does that he breaks into her apartment and he's like no one turns me down and of course Anna in her infinite wisdom somehow is just like so they end up discussing the contract page one strike out my old address and replace with a new one an oversight duly noted page three section 1520 the submissive shall submit to any activity demanded and shall do so without hesitation or argument now long story short the conversation pretty much goes like I want to be your girlfriend I want you to be my slave well you drive a hard bargain but okay fine but more importantly this seems like the worst possible place to read literally anything I mean you might as well be hanging out in a blanket fort with a flashlight like what's going on here anyway so basically the rest of the movie is just an ongoing back-and-forth and whether she should or should not sign the contract and every time she's like oh god gee mr. gray maybe I don't want to do this anymore then Christians like oh yeah well check this out and does something that would never be attractive or sexy in real life or even in this movie really where's my car I don't a little fetch a decent price Christian this is way too much did you just roll your eyes at me or like there's this part where Anna wants to visit her mom in Georgia for a few days and Christians like yeah okay fine I'll let you visit your mom but then you owe me because I'm such a nice guy and then he flies down to Georgia anyway to keep an eye on her have the fruits what is a it's Christian he's here oh here missus sounds delighted to meet you so like I got a ask here how exactly was this so popular with women just like this all sounds like a nightmare I mean imagine dating a guy who has like no life or hobbies or anything except for you and every two days he's just like hey you want to fly my airplane hey do you like helicopters hey you want to check out my rocket ship so this all goes on for a while they keep going back and forth and eventually Anna's like why are you so into this stuff anyway and Christians like cuz it's Who I am okay it's not just a phase mom what if I told you that I feel the same way about being punished as you do about me touching you would you still want to punish me then no but that doesn't mean I wouldn't need to why why do you need because it's the way I am and the movie ends with a Christian whipping Anna and then Anna cries while it's raining outside because and then we get the big emotional climax of the movie I've not what you would know you're everything that I want [Music] oh but then they break up anyway and go back to their normal lives and that's how the movie ends whip cry break up credits this movie made 570 million dollars so follow your dreams kids now usually at the end of these videos I kind of like to try and summarize my thoughts on what we all just saw but after watching this movie all I can really say is hmm so 50 shades ago it's one of those videos that people been asking me to do for a long time like I said in the video I wasn't really ever sure that I was actually gonna do it because like you know of course I've never seen the movie until now I never read the book thank goodness but like everyone knows what 50 shades is about right like it was a huge thing a couple years ago everyone knows what it was but then I figured like I might as well at least watch the movie and then see if I can kind of like work around that stuff kind of like you know turn it into like a joke or whatever and I was actually pleasantly surprised watching this movie just how utterly terrible it is the first Twilight movie is not great but as a cheesy teen rom-com like it works but think about fifty Shades of Grey is like whether Christian Grey is or is not a vampire whatever it is like that has nothing to do with the movie nothing new the story at all so it's just a story of this girl who gets a stalker and then like follows for her stalker boyfriend and then realizes that she's in over her head and then they break up like there is no real story here there's no real conflict there's no real anything because the thing that Bella Swan had going for her was like you know she was like sixteen or seventeen or whatever it is and then Edward was you know a hundred and nine but also seventeen and just generally immature for some reason and so like you know being dumb and obsessed with the guy in like whatever like when you're a teenager in high school everybody's a dumb okay that's just how it is and like I made jokes about Anna Steele being you know 20 to 21 whatever it is and how she's also not that smart either but it's like you know when you're senior in college going into the real world and then Christian Grey is this 27 year old billionaire like it's totally different than a vampire who never grew up versus a 16 year old girl or whatever it is I mean like that's a totally different thing and and the thing is too you know Edward wanted to be with Bella because like oh he loved her and they fell in love and they're like teenagers in love they just want to like to love each other all day you know but this movie it's not even a love story it's like this dude just wants to like torture this girl and then she's like I might as well and that's the whole movie like what is this how did people love this story so much no it's not about anything but anyway thank you so much watching everybody don't forget to subscribe don't forget to ring that Bell so on it miss any bids for me follow me on Twitter let me know what's big part of the video or or what video I should do next or just say hi whatever that's fine to follow Charlie and Instagram charlie meets pumpkin charlie has a tick tock now charlie underscore mom and it's in the description below and above all else everybody have a great day and I'll see you all next time

Channel: Alex Meyers

Views: 5,224,857

Keywords: alex meyers, alex mayers, alex myers, alex meyers twilight, 50 shades, fifty shades

Id: DPG2HXGInYY

Length: 17min 38sec (1058 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 07 2020