FGHT Dallas: The Honor System

everyone you are [Music] there's no other powerful name on this earth hallelujah thank you jesus you mean so much [Music] is is [Music] foreign foreign thank you oh oh [Applause] so i'm gonna lift those hands tonight hallelujah with those hats and bless the lord in the sanctuary hallelujah oh come on hallelujah oh let's bless him tonight like he's worthy to be praised hallelujah thank you jesus certainly my soul does magnify the name of the lord let's thank god amen for that testimony tonight amen we certainly enjoyed for the bible's thank god for even minister molly's tonight amen and certainly to all of you my father's children god bless you take your seed in the presence of the lord what a fellowship what a joy divine leaning on his everlasting arms i'm glad to be here tonight anybody glad to be in the house of the lord amen on a tuesday night family night isn't that right amen mothers bring your daughters and fathers bring your sons and let's worship the lord together amen god is an amazing god and he's been so amen exceptionally good to us and i'm glad amen that he's a keeper he man not that he's just kept me but i'm grateful that the lord has kept you he man kept you with your mind i i know your mind is still stayed on him isn't it amen he promised to keep us in perfect peace if we would keep our minds stayed on him and i'm grateful tonight for the opportunity to stand and to to preach to you and teach tonight out of the word of god i never take this for granted amen as much as i stand here amen and preach to you and in other places i never take amen the ministry of the word for granted amen you can't ever take that for granted amen because the bible declares that the gospel is the power of god amen it's not just that it's powerful it is the power of god unto salvation that's the only way men can be saved amen is through the gospel it is the power of god unto salvation amen and i'm grateful amen for the word of god and i'll tell you all the time he could have told us anything but this is what he gave us and if this is what he gave us then this is what we need to know i was reading in the book of deuteronomy amen when moses was talking to the people about their relationship and their walk with god and he asked the question since when amen has a people experience god like this amen the people that god have chosen that he's taken to himself at what point in the history of the world has has men and women received such great commandments from god amen the word of god who else amen can boast in a god that gives them such profound commandments and statutes to live by we are blessed amen to be able to live in the word of god if you love it amen come on clap your hands and while you're clapping look at somebody and tell them neighbor there's a word from the lord amen and i am a lover of the word of god i love mine tonight i brought mine come on you brought yours didn't you amen let's see it hold that power up hallelujah because everything else is going down but what everything that is but the word of our god amen i'll be honest with you i've been wrestling amen as to where it is we would we would start tonight and i don't want to prolong the time we've been amen in this theme uh building the family amen the marriage amen personal responsibility marriage maintenance and i tell you the the more i preach on it the more amen response i get amen the people are calling i've been for the past three weeks i've been talking to people literally all over this country they're calling in but what about this and and what about that and and what about this and so i'm grateful amen that god is giving us an opportunity to take us amen through the word of god so that we know because sometimes we can think we're doing the right thing amen but until we measure ourselves against the word of god then we really don't know for sure amen we can't measure ourselves against ourselves amen how tall are you hey i'm this tall no come on now no you've got to get something uh by which you can measure yourself so that you know where you are amen amen uh we search the scriptures amen we we look at ourselves as the bible calls it a mirror in the mirror of the word of god that's what amen we we choose to honor we honor his word amen and we are only honorable when we line up with the word of god amen and so god has been blessing us he been on tuesday nights in the word amen and we've been talking about what it means amen to have the type of relationship talking about a husband and a wife now amen because if your boyfriend and girlfriend you ain't got nothing amen i i've been i've been telling y'all y'all treating boyfriends and girlfriends like husbands and wives first of all if you ain't getting married you ain't got no business with nobody amen let me say that to you young folk but i want to know what what what they believe over that full gospel if you ain't getting ready to get married i know then why would you get that close to anybody amen you know this i was talking a good friend of mine last night this generation that they they don't know any limitations they don't know no bounds amen i told you it used to be a time when when when they gave us the talk i remember that dreaded talk i remember men men men men uh patrick murray when we were in marshall at the camp with our daddy and he told my mom i'm gonna take the boys on a walk and and we start walking and we walking behind him and he walking in front of us with a shotgun and we walking behind him and all of a sudden he said you know i want to talk to you boys about something when a man and a woman and we looked at each other i know he ain't getting ready to try to talk to us about this that's how the talk used to start when a man and a woman love each other and they get married and they choose to live together in a holy you know a state of marriage and they won't express themselves that that's how the talk used to start out when when a man and woman love each other and they get married and but then the talk started to evolve and it was just you know when a man and a woman or boy and a girl love each other and they want to express so they started leaving marriage out amen and then they start uh evolving from there and it was no longer when a when a young man and a young lady love each other it's just you'll know when you get the right one so now you don't have to love each other you just if you're vibing you know when when you get the right one and then it went from when a man and woman love each other and decide to get married to uh save yourself for the one you love then it evolved forever amenity wrote it further rather and then it went to you know when you get the right one and and now you just bumping each other in the gas station and back there in the alley amen y'all y'all getting quiet that's the way it is now you know you you find people's name out after the fact now that's this generation so amen and and then you come and you get saved after you've been out there in that in that kind of atmosphere where you where it was a no-host bard situation you know then you get saved the first thing that they will tell you you got to get close to somebody in the church or else you can't stay safe or as you go backside you just need somebody to talk to and now you know god delivered you from from being loose and then the next thing you know you you're hooking up with people and you know if the devil can't can't get you to leave the church he'll get you while you're in the church to start living like you did before you got here amen so you you'll bringing those old habits and that now y'all looking and look at them looking over there now you you come here and then you start trying to live in church like you did when you out of church and so you knew amen it was only about three four weeks you knew people before you you know and now you're in church and you're getting close to the boys and you're getting close to young ladies and i ain't thinking about getting married when what you getting that close to people for because you're gonna wake up your flesh and you know how your flesh was hey man and now you get getting close to him and now you starting to feel like you used to feel and you know and now the enemy is making it convenient for you to fall and falter amen that's why i don't care what nobody say you got to be careful amen if you ain't thinking about getting married then don't come i just want to go out and get to know him for what what you want to know he saved sanctified fear with the holy ghost that don't what else you want to know mm-hmm she's saved leave alone let her live holy y'all now y'all getting cried because because you know you you want the hook up kind of church now this ain't the hook up kind of chat leave her alone let her live holy let him keep his mind on the lord [Applause] amen amen well i just don't give i i'd be honest i don't do good around other girls well you got a problem so you feel more comfortable sitting around all boys then you do good you got a problem amen because that's still a boy that's still a girl boy y'all getting quiet already amen so don't believe in all of that amen go to your neutral corners and pray and see god until god tell you amen who it is he wants you to have so you don't end up messing up and then you got folk just like that amen in the church messing up amen and then they don't like each other they just got too close and something happened and now it is you and the church and then messed up and you know got that one over there pregnant last year and this year trying to marry that one over there i rebuke you in the name of jesus christ amen amen so we this this love is just it's so misunderstood now amen that we got to go back and we've got to look at the word of god and see what the word of god says about love and marriage amen and what our roles and our responsibilities are amen we talked last week i believe it was i think it was personal responsibility am i right amen we talked about personal responsibility last week and tonight turn with me i guess let's start with first corinthians i guess we'll start the other night first corinthians the 13th chapter i want to call your attention to the fourth through the seventh verses it's first corinthians chapter number 13 you got it when you have it say amen read what the bible says charity suffereth long charity suffers long charity being another word for love love charity love charity charity love love charity charity love charity suffereth long and is kind and it's kind it suffers long it's not impatient love love is not impatient it suffers long and while it's waiting it's kind of so it's a patient love amen and while you're waiting on things to happen while you're waiting on things to change while you're waiting on things to get better charity says be kind amen you got some folk because it's not happening in their timing and they're mean and they turn nasty amen because things are not working as quickly as they thought that it would now amen they're not kind anymore but but love never ever says i've had enough my god no no love suffers indefinitely you remember when when peter asked jesus how often shall i forgive my brother he thought he was really talking seven times and jesus said that ain't nothing if you want to talk about forgiveness try seventy times seven and not that you keep count amen because you got something for i don't forget you 193 times and you only no he's not telling you to keep count amen you ought to forgive and keep on forgiving charity suffers alone re if charity envy is not envious not charity it's not like that when you love and you love somebody and now granted this is not just talking about uh relationship and marriage it's talking about your brothers and your sisters it's actually a man sandwich between the uh the 12th and the 14th chapter amen so you read it all in context but it does also apply to those you say you love and so if you love somebody the bible says charity or love does not envy and you know you've got people now in relationship marital relationship and they're jealous of one another now y'all getting quiet you got people now amen they feel like if it don't happen for them it shouldn't happen for you you know it's sad when you got husbands and wives competing against each other can't stand for something good to happen to you why did it happen to me and every time somebody amen is trying to honor you here they are sitting back don't understand why everybody thinks you just so much and why everybody thinks you just so good it don't envy amen real charity wanted not itself it doesn't want itself it's not puffed up aha does not behave itself unseemly it does not behave itself in an improper way love does not behave itself in an impr for y'all getting quiet in an improper way amen read seek is not her own love does not seek her own it's not easily it does hold on it doesn't seek her own it's not about my way or no way amen love does not seek its own and you can either you got some people hey man they're not giving amen this just got they just just so uh dogmatic about having their own way amen but love does not seek her own amen the bible said we ought to prefer others even above ourselves and you've got people amen and marriages that are just so selfish amen it's all about him amen it's not about anybody else they could tell us who's happy amen as long as they get what they want they don't care amen about whether or not you're happy or whether or not you're fulfilled amen it's all about them that's what it's all about they just seek their own and everything they do amen is it attempt for them to gain for them to have amen for them to be better and they don't care who they mess over in the process read is not easily provoked it is not easily provoked huh love is not easily provoked and you know some people look like they try to get on your nerves but when you love you're not easily provoked you don't just throw your hands up hey man you've got some people amen at the drop of a hat they always talk about divorce every time something happens but i guess it just ain't working so so what should we do what is it i had a friend of mine say you know divorce is like that word is like labor pains the more frequently you hear it then the closer you seem to be to getting one every time something happens amen you come home late i can't deal with no man coming home late 10 minutes late how now this ain't working we got to get divorced every time something happens that that's the word that comes out of your mouth divorce i don't like your mama i ain't never thought i'd have a mother-in-law like my we gotta get divorced i can't take it can't do it no more everything i can't trust no no no i feel like i can't trust you we got to get divorced now listen now sometimes if they say it every night that's like false labor but if every time you turn around you used to be once a month now it's once a week and two or three times a week now they talking about divorce something is going terribly terribly wrong amen but love is not easily provoked you can't just come to the place to where every time you look around you ready to take it to the most drastic measure hey man why don't you go for a walk or something why does the word divorce why does that have to come out of your mouth why are you always you just willing to throw it all the way constantly every time something happens that you don't like lord these people now acting like they can't stay together y'all can't stay together won't stay together every time you look around you know people haven't been separated five times in a year we separated why you keep coming back read and do benevolence [Applause] think it no evil love don't think evil you know what what i was looking at this when it says it thinks no evil it it it it gives the definition that love is not suspicious oh you got now i keep telling you if if you can't trust them then what was the basis on which you got married it was hair and shoulders and hips but if you can't trust nobody amen then why did you why did you get in that if if if he got to quit his job every time he get one cause you go up there and there's somebody up there that you think look better than you uh-uh that's a man eater you got to leave where you been i had to work late was he there love it's not suspicious like that hey man act like you going in another room and standing right outside the door like trying to figure out who they talking to on the phone you got to do all of that really looking over folk show they're trying to see who they texting and and all that stuff now you know i told you men to play that up women don't don't don't don't don't give them that because a man will sit there and play that role and have you going crazy thinking he talking to somebody and he's texting himself [Applause] you're sitting there typing cause you know it's driving you crazy you know i'm getting quiet love is not it's not suspicious love look at somebody and tell them true love trusts yes it does yes it does yes it does if you're married to somebody amen uh what is that is that the colossians that talks about how that sarah amen was not afraid to call abraham lord she put away her fear look at that it must have got some lords in the house tonight [Applause] she put away her fear the fear of failure fear of feeling inferior she had to put all of that away and trust this man and that's what you've got to do you can't be you can't be one of those people hey man this man sleeps and you got his phone put it up in front of his face trying to open it that kind of suspicion will get you in trouble re rejoice it not in iniquity love does not rejoice in iniquity when bad things happen to other people you shouldn't have bothered me the only reason why that happens because of how you you just talked to me last week if you hadn't done that you still had your job you got fired got your food with me love don't rejoice in that kind of stuff amen when stuff happens to people and bad things happen proverbs tells you not to rejoice when even evil happens to your enemy you don't rejoice because god won't forget about that amen read but rejoiceth in the truth love rejoices in the truth beareth all things uh-huh bears all things believeth all things believeth all things hope it all things hope in all things endureth all things endure with all things i was studying today and it says and i'll quote it it says if you're one who bears all things believes all things hopes all things and endures all things people will accuse you many times of being blind to certain situations and you've got some folk that just feel like i'm not going to let her take advantage of me and so you stand in your ground foolishly you're willing to tear your house up just to stand your ground on a hill that's not even worth you dying on but then it says but they're wrong it's quite the opposite because love sees more it's willing to see less because real love causes you to see more you're willing to see less i don't care if it's something you don't like you're willing to see less love covers isn't that what the words say love covers what multitude of sin and i want to talk tonight about the honor system just look at somebody just tell them the honors system we have come to understand through these past few weeks that one of the number one problems that plague marriages is a lack of proper communication that's what it is a lot of people you your counsel or at least i do counsel quite a few people and i recognize patterns and i i tell the people around me if you sit long enough and look you'll start to notice patterns and i have come to recognize patterns i can i can tell when people come in how they sit on my couch what's going on they come in and they sit in within about two three feet of each other they good but if they sit in four and five feet apart then we got some work to do tonight i've noticed patterns and i've noticed that a lot of the problems that people face are not major issues there's something sometimes as simple as lack of proper communication people just don't know how to talk to each other and they really don't know what to say and after a while because communication has been so off the rails people just honestly don't have a desire to talk they'd rather just exist they'd rather just be in that space they don't even want to talk they don't want to fix it because they come to a place where at least we're not arguing we're not at each other's throat and i can just stay here we don't have to get no better i'm good right where i am and marriages and relationships amen are affected every aspect of relationships and marriages are affected by communication it affects everything amen all of it everything that you can do in the marriage amen if communication is not right it's going to affect all of that amen you won't be able to go out to eat amen not properly not and have a great time amen won't be able to travel you won't be able to do a whole lot of things amen until you fix communication you know i was thinking it's almost like two magnets amen you know magnets you can take magnets and they just they attract each other hey man they just come together that's what happens when communication is right amen when communication is good it brings people together you can't hardly separate them amen but then you can turn those magnets to the wrong side amenities just seem like they repel each other and that's the way improper communication is it causes people to amen just repel one another amen as you've got people who don't want to deal with each other because they feel like communication has been broken down they're tired of being called inferior they're tired they may have been called names they're tired of all of the critique all of the blame amen but they never get any of the credit and that's why i tell you amen you've got to seek to look past all of that amen and notice what's good about people you know there's some people that just they're predisposed to recognize all of the negatives amen you always hear them talking about when it's going to rain even there are clouds in the sky go back get your umbrella i don't feel like this i just got my hair done and all of this stuff they just negative they talk about but when was the last time you heard them say anything about how beautiful the clouds were amen how beautiful that flower was the bible said whatsoever things are lovely honest pure amen a good report if they're being virtuated in praise that's the kind of stuff that you want to think about amen don't be so quick to talk amen about all the things you don't like all the things that are going wrong and even in marriages even there are people that are tired of getting all of the blame but none of the credit amen every time something's wrong you hear about it every time you do something they don't like you hear about it amen but then when you're working even if you're paying bills and you're struggling hey man if you're not going from paycheck to paycheck he means you're going from paycheck to credit card he's been trying to keep stuff going and you never get none of the credit he meant no come on now we've got to learn how to affirm each other and use our words to build rather than to tear down y'all can get cried but i know i'm right amen we've got to learn how to build each other up you've got to realize your words are powerful look at somebody in general watch your mouth amen because your words are powerful you've got to be mindful of the stuff that you say because i was talking to one preacher amen and he told us we just look at words amen as things that are a mode of communication he said but that's not all words are poor amen our words are not simply for communication amen our words are for creation as well that's why the bible said you can have whatsoever you say amen god our father spoken things happen and he gave us that same power amen so we have the ability to create an atmosphere for ourselves and that's why we can't be so quick to speak negatively negativity even who was that job said it was the things that i feared the most amen that came over me and you've got to be careful because just like you can bless yourself amen you can curse or hinder yourself and it'll happen because of your own words amen so what we've got to do amen we've got to make sure that our words are few and that they are seasoned with grace amen and i told you before that's why you ought to keep your words to yourself amen some things are better off unsaid because once you say it you can never ever take that back and that's why you can't let these foolish things fly out of your mouth amen in the in the moment of rage or in the heat of the moment he meant you say step and then say well i really didn't mean it but people don't believe that because they read the scripture where it says out of the abundance of your heart your mouth speaking and if you were in the heat of a moment and that's what came out of your mouth then how do you convince somebody that you didn't mean it when you said it and it came out so effortlessly came out without a thought amen it was like it was just in the chamber amen they were just waiting to pull the trigger on that that's why our words must be disciplined the bible tells us to study to be quiet look at your neighbor and tell the neighbor the pastor said you want to shut up sometime amen you got to learn to close your mouth it's better for you not to say some stuff amen than to say something in the heat of a moment he meant just to feel better and you don't even realize you just stored this relationship in half brothers you can say something to that woman and i don't care how you try to apologize amen it'll always sit in the back of my you can tell i really didn't mean that but some of this stuff don't just go away amen that's why if anybody has to be disciplined brothers you ought to be the one because your words amen are going to set the tone for the family and what you don't want to do is tell this woman down then you got to lean on it and depend on her and i told you you crazy to talk to a woman like she got a tail and then tell her i need something to eat she'll drop all your food on the floor kick it up under the cabinet and pick it up throw it back and sit there and watch you eat it ain't eating nah she cooking and she ain't eating on cooking don't eat that amen you don't you don't say everything that comes to your mind because when you when you when when you feeling better you're gonna hate a million times over you say it that stuff that's why you are not talk out of emotion because your emotions are going to change and you're talking big now get out then around 11 15 you're calling them where you at learn how to be quiet even jesus while they were whipping him and slapping him and all of the stuff they did to him the bible said he never said a mumbling word and i know you ain't suffering no more than he was but every time something happened hi that's it i don't have my peace long enough and that you go firing off everything you know is going to hurt somebody then you wonder why two months later hey he's just holding grudges no people get tired of fighting they're tired they're tired of you amen tearing them down if you're gonna say things about amen at least balance it out with some with with some praise or or with some compliments you can't just talk negativity like that amen we've got to learn what proper communication is all about it all boils down to how we see each other and subsequently how we respond to what we see in each other what do you see when you look at this man what do you see when you look at this woman do you see them as a blessing because there was a time when they were the greatest thing on the face of the earth there's a reason you got married to that one and i asked him that all the time in marriage counseling one of the first questions is why out of all the people that you could have married why did you say yes to this one and i asked that why everybody is here together because they need to hear your answer they need to hear what it was about them that you said yes to them and said no to everybody else amen black person still exists amen you've got to always choose to see the person that you're married as a blessing but over time if you're not careful if you don't have marriage maintenance they will become a liability amen they will become a chore to you and that's not right you got to be married amen until death do us part do you hear me amen that's what you told god that's what you said in front of witnesses amen i will keep myself unto you as long as we shall live amen at what point in that process is it okay to stop seeing this person as a blessing because at the moment that you choose or rather you start to see them differently you start to treat them differently you got to understand it's a blessing to have somebody to spend the rest of your life with and that's what i tell them when you come home from the amen from the job at the end of the day don't you know what kind of blessing that is amen to come home to somebody that knows you he meant somebody that respects you somebody amen that you can be with and you shut the door and all of that chaos and all of that amen turmoil is on the other side of the door and on this side in this little space that's ours amen we have peace we can come together we can talk it's a perfect and this is our own personal eden right here amen that's how we ought to see each other as a blessing amen somebody we can build with amen we ought to love having somebody to encourage us in the ways of the lord thank god for what we call holy matrimony amen because it means something to know that you've got somebody that's willing to push you further even in your walk with god because i believe that when two people are saved and married that even marriage ought to bring you closer to god amen you want to come together in such a way amen that your marriage even even makes you more spiritual that you're growing spiritually together with one another i wish i could get at least two of y'all to clap your hands what it actually means is to honor one another that's the whole night it's to honor one another and the bible teaches us that i look that word honor up today and that word honor means to show partiality that word honor means to show partiality you ought to be partial and particular about the one god has given to you i look that word that phrase up to show partiality it means hear me and i think this is a great definition it means to show an unfair bias in favor of one thing or one person compared to another it did it means to show an unfair bias when you look at the rest of the world they are not even stand a chance when you compare boy y'all show quiet tonight that you think that kind hey man when you compare your marriage to all of that other stuff going on out there it ought not even be a fair comparison you should have an unfair bias towards this person compared to anybody else it might not be that they just feel like they number one they ought to feel like they're the only one an unfair bias in favor of one thing or person compared to another it ought to be unfair to the rest of the world to try to compete with what you have in a marriage there are not be another relationship that you value more than you value the marriage amen that you have amen with the person that god has given unto you it ought not even be fair and it really doesn't matter what presents itself amen it ought to be an unfair bias amen and let me say this the person that you're married to are not have to feel like they compete with anything or anybody amen they ought to feel more important than your job or y'all hearing what i'm trying to tell you because you've got some people amen they value work more than they value the marriage amen they put more energy into work than they put into the marriage and that's not right there should be an unfair bias in favor of the person that you love amen towards what you have in this marriage and when we fail to honor each other in this way we cause each other to feel like we must compete with the other things amen that shouldn't even be an issue you've got people now don't even realize the reason why they're acting like they are is because they feel like they're in competition with the other stuff going on in your life and they see you finding so much joy in all of that hey man but you're so dry when you come home hey man you're just unconcerned when you come back and now they feel like they have to compete but they feel like they don't stand a chance because they're looking at how you respond to everything else and they're comparing it to how you respond to them and what's happening now what we're seeing is really a cry for attention it's really somebody saying see me hey hey here i am do you do you like me do you love me do you appreciate me amen if you can come home and all you talk about amen is a job all you talk about is money all you talk about is the good time that you had with somebody else what y'all did and all of that and you're not spending that time ain't been trying to reassure people that's not honor because they don't feel like there's an unfair bias tilted in their favor they feel like they don't have a chance of competing with the rest of the stuff that's going on that's bringing you joy and so a lot of times what we're seeing we're seeing people react to the fact that they feel like they are not honored like they are not valuable but you know what i believe sincerely tonight that it is god's will that we find greater joy and greater happiness within our marital context amen that we can anywhere else that we look you really don't understand the bible tells us that god is the one that ordained the very first marriage god brought a man brought him together he met with the woman and put them together and said they too shall be one flesh amen a man has to leave his father leave his mother and he's got to cleave to his wife amen and that's what the bible tells us marriage should be about amen cleaving to the wife he meant but when she feels like she has to compete with everything and everybody going on in your life when he feels like he's in competition amen with everybody else with your girlfriends and your best friends and hey man all your girls groups and all this kind of stuff amen when you're so willing to take a vacation ain't not y'all getting quiet now amen and here you are you're a married woman amen but you want to go on a girl's trip amen and don't even have a mind to go on a trip with your own family amen then what is he supposed to think he meant how is he supposed to feel amen it ought to be that you value this and that is such an unfair bias tilted in your direction amen that he's so fulfilled that if you want to take a trip he meant he ought to be so fulfilled in his relationship with you that he's paying for you to go with somebody else because he knows he don't have to compete y'all getting quiet so you got to learn how to work this thing if you do right by the one you got then you ain't gonna have no trouble can i tell you the reason why people are acting so selfish with you is because they don't have enough of you if they had enough for you after why they don't mind you doing stuff with everybody else but when they always end up holding the short end of the stick then you have a problem going out to eat my cousin's in town he want to take me out here right you gotta go with your cup no anytime somebody is holding you like that it's because they're not fulfilled and they feel like they can't afford to miss any of the time that you give them because it's obvious to them it's not enough but a marriage can work but it has to work according to the honor system and when i say that i mean it in the regard that a husband has to honor his wife a wife has to honor their husband because this honor is what got these people in the shape that they're in now somebody felt like they've been dishonored but marriage is not automatic you got to work at that you got to work to build your marriage work to build your relationship that's what you've got to do because it's going to be whatever you make of it and let me say this stop taking foolish advice from people who don't know how marriage is really supposed to work you got folk listening to people have been divorced full-time girl don't do that listen that's the one person you are not be listening to i wouldn't take that that's why they've been divorced four times and you can't listen to that kind of stuff you've got to realize marriage is amazing you don't just walk into a perfect situation amen and everything just work like no you've got to determine that i'm going to make this work amen and i'm going to do my part to make sure that i honor not only this institution but that i honor the one that god has given to me you've got to make sure to work it until it is what it should be and that means that you've got to learn to sow honor in order to reap honor you can't hear me you can't so dishonor and reap honor because that's what some people have gotten they've gotten it wrong they're sowing this honor and they're saying but i only did it to him because he did it to me but everything you do is a sowing that's the reason jesus god says vengeance belongs to me because even if you claim you only did it because they did it everything you do is a seed you just put in the ground and you got to reap that yes you do that's why you can't go with all this tit-for-tat stuff all this i'm getting you because you got me you keep that attitude everything you do is a seed that you put in the ground that's why you got to put it in the hands of the lord and you've got to continue to sow honor because you can't so dishonor and reap honor you are commanded in the scripture the bible says you've got to give and so if you expect to get anything what we want we want people to give it to us first and then we'll be okay with you but that's not what the bible says no even when it comes down to natural relationships the bible says a man that had friends what see see we we we said stuff like uh uh uh if a man wants friends he's got to show himself freely that's not what the bible says the bible says if a man hath friends he must show himself that means you have a responsibility to that relationship boy y'all can quiet now you have a responsibility to so what you've got to do you've got to learn how to sow because that's the only way you're going to reap it it means you've got to put it in the ground if it's what you want to come up amen if you want to achieve your desired ends look at your marriage what do you want out of this marriage what do you want you want a peaceful atmosphere oh well you know what that means don't you that means that you've got to choose the way of peace boy y'all getting quiet you've got the son the bible always stresses the sowing and the gift he said give and then it'll be given unto you isn't that what he said he said he'll multiply the seed that you what so you always have to put something in first it's not about something else happening for you and then you change your mind after the fact no if it's what you want you've got to learn how to give it if you want to get it if you want to get it and so that's where people are faltering now they're not willing to give anything but they want a whole lot of stuff no the bible stress is sowing first and i hear you i've talked to people this week and then the comment is but i tried that i've been listening to you preach these last three weeks about what it is we should do and i tried it and it didn't work yes it did you just don't know it yet it's a seed that you sow you and can i say this some of us have established a pattern of doing the wrong thing and over the course of the last three weeks when you heard the word now you go back and you try to do the right thing but you only did it one time and because they didn't jump because you did it one time you think it didn't work no you know what you got to do you've got to now go back and establish a pattern of good behavior because you've taught them how to deal with you that's why they don't believe it when you did something good they thought you wanted something because that's not the pattern that you have established so it's not like i tried it last week when you said take responsibility i went home and i said this and he looked at me funny and she looked at me and didn't do nothing it didn't work you don't know if it worked or not what you've got to do you've got to establish a pattern because now they've got to learn this new you the same way they learn that old you you don't talk them how bad your attitude was and so now you come acting nice and they sit up there looking at you trying to figure out what's going on with him because they're not used to that you they used to that attitudinal ignorant act in you that argumentative view that comes in with an attitude that's the you they're used to and now you're saying it didn't work and because it didn't work after you tried it one time forget this now you're going back to being that old person again no if it's what you want you've got to be willing to change you remember i told you in the beginning nobody can change you you've got to be willing to love somebody enough to change for them if you really want your marriage better then that means you've got to change by establishing a pattern today that's different from what you have shown them all of this time it has not worked that means something has to change and i don't care if you did it one time you can't say it didn't work you've got to continue to do it because remember love suffers alone and you got to be willing to sow it and anybody know anything about sowing the reapers you realize stuff don't just come up overnight hey man some of you been married seven years and and eight years and it's been chaotic because you didn't know what you were doing about communicating you were just doing it wrong and now you expect everything's gonna get better because i didn't preach three sermons you got to go and establish a pattern now of good works a pattern of good behavior because now they got to learn you you can't get frustrated because you got to go back now and try to fix the stuff that's been broken and sometimes it takes a while but you told god you stay with them until death do you part and if you meant that then that's a long time to be miserable you ought to want to fix the stuff that's broken you know what you've got to do you've got to determine to restore the honor to this relationship conflict and division is initiated by dishonor and you now got to restore this honor what do i need to do brother herman in order to restore the honor first of all you got to consider one another's needs you've got to consider one another you've got to put yourself in somebody else's position and look at them some the bible said everywhere of a man is right in his own eyes you are always right and i was reading somewhere the other day where they said we're all villains in somebody's story i don't care how nice you are how nice you want to be in somebody's story you are the villain because they see you as the enemy they see you as an opponent they see you as somebody who is infringing upon their desires to be happy and to live a fulfilled life they look at you and i don't care nice you may be you may think you're the hero in all of the story but in somebody's story we're all the villains so what you've got to do now you've got to put yourself in somebody else's situation put yourself in their place because it's so easy for us to see ourselves as victims they hurt me they talked to me crazy but you didn't see yourself rolling your eyes and sometimes people are just reacting to us whether they are right or wrong and doing it it's a reaction to us so what we've got to do is learn how to see ourselves through somebody else's eyes we've got to see how we would feel if we were in their possession the bible says consider others that's what we're not doing because all we want out of a marriage is what we want and forget about them and if they don't give me what i want i'll cut them off or i treat them bad or i treat them funny that's not right we got to remember we're going to have a happy marriage it's according to the honor system you know what i found out i want to give you what is this three points and i'll be done you got to learn to start with appreciation did you hear what i said i said start with appreciation because everybody wants to feel like they matter you don't ever want anybody in a marriage with you and they feel like they don't matter they're making you feel so important but then when it comes to them they don't matter can i say this everybody's important in a marriage yeah you're important and so is the person you're married to and they've got to feel like they are important they got to feel like they matter and sometimes that's a big part of the problem people just feel underappreciated or not appreciated at all i was looking at a statistic the other day and they asked people about appreciation and they said 97 percent of the people that they asked said they were willing to show appreciation to a waiter or a server they could express that they were willing to express that to somebody who was waiting on them or somebody who was serving them 58 of the people said they were willing to express appreciation to tsa agents 48 percent of the people asked said they were willing to express their appreciation to their spouse less than half of the people said they were willing to express appreciation to their spouse and they went on to explain why they said because whenever you are in such a close and a tight relationship or space you get to the point to where you expect certain things to happen and once you expect it to happen and it happens because it's now your expectation that it's going to happen you don't feel like you have to say thank you how many people way to bring you water to the table thank you but then you ask your wife to get up and go all the way to the kitchen and get you something to drink and she do it and come back and put it right next to you and you don't say a word you expect it it's what she she should do right because she's married to you you expect it and now we get to a point where we're not showing the bible said in everything give thanks god wants you to give thanks in everything amen and we don't just and i'm not just talking about the god i know it means in everything that he does for us we ought to thank him but that pattern ought to spill over into our lives as well it ought to be that we're grateful listen if you can't do something and they do it show some kind of gratitude and it's not the well they are not be doing it for no likes they are not doing for applause everybody's not doing it just to be applauded and lauded amen and giving certificates and awards but now if they're doing a good thing you ought to acknowledge that every now and then how many men whether they do it right or not wash clothes and never hear the wife say thank you now granted they turned everything pink because they didn't know what they would do but at least you ought to acknowledge the fact that they tried if they try show some form of appreciation i remember when i was when i was when i was young what am i getting ready to say then why y'all laughing never mind y'all messed it up and you have nobody to blame but yourselves you got to show appreciation sometimes they don't get it right sometimes they mess up but at least they tried at least they gave it some effort and what we've got to learn to do is learn to appreciate what people have done listen if he don't get it right don't jump down his throat because he didn't fold the towels right and now i got to fold him all over again listen if he tried at least show some appreciation if he's willing to go in and try to cook and you know he can't come at least show some appreciation amen if she don't have a job and she has 18 of your kids at the house don't you don't come home expecting hey man that you've been out all day and then you're gonna come up throw your shoes on a coffee table and sit down and don't do nothing for the rest of the day show some appreciation that's where we got to start by coming to the place where we appreciate each other number two we got to choose to live peaceably with one another i'll say that again we've got to choose to live peaceably with one another the bible says as much as lie within you live what with who with everybody it's not about what they got going on it's concerning what's lying on the inside of you as much as lie within you live peaceably with all men and if you can do that with people that you don't even have a covenant relationship with you mean to tell me you can't do that with the person that you made a vow to before god to live with this person until death do you part some of us don't value peace we love arguments we love chaos but we don't value peace and that's so sad when some people's uh whole life is centered around chaos and they literally literally they can't even they don't like being in the atmosphere where things are going okay they gonna mess it up because peace is too quiet around this house all that you know what that means they about to stir in something it's sad when people love chaos and division and they can't deal with an atmosphere of peace can i tell you you can't choose to live on the battlefield and claim to love peace and that's what some people are some people tonight quiet as it's kept you just ready for a fight you keep your weapon you keep your knives sharpened emotionally you you you keep your emotional weapons on you on your hip because you're ready for the fight you're looking for it but that's not going to lead you to the kind of marriage that you really want can i tell you what jesus said he said blessed are the who peace what not the peacekeepers we got people looking i'm just trying to keep the peace he never said keep the peace he said blessed are the peace makers that i don't care how chaotic people are somebody has to have the cool ahead and cooler heads have to prevail if you value peace then make peace stop trying to keep people if they stop doing it to me i'll stop doing it to them that's not the way he says you've gotta you gotta make peace and you've got some folk and they sit in there and all they figure is that i can't feel like like they getting the the best of me i can't let them do me like that and so now every time somebody say something you got to say something back don't you know it's going to continue until somebody decides to be quiet they used to tell us years ago it takes two people to argue sometimes you got to know when to walk away sometimes you have to know when just to be quiet and just for the sake of peace let people feel like they warm the argument but no we can't do that we can't let them feel like they got the best of us so we keep going and we keep talking and we keep spilling our guts and our words keep getting sharper and our voice keep getting louder because you want to win an argument you just want to feel better and you're willing to tie your house up just so you can win we got to get back to the place where we value peace because i come to tell you tonight you can't win the argument and have peace at the same time sometimes so you got to figure out which one do i want do i want peace in my house or do i want to win this argument because if all you want to do is feel better about yourself that means that might mean you have to tear somebody else down and a wounded animal is a dangerous animal so you've got to choose peace i was reading in the book today the name of the book is the will of a man in the way of a woman love it and it talked about how most men want less conflict in a relationship that's what men want less conflict and it's said that what they really detest in relationships are the sudden changes in the atmosphere they don't want those shutting changes i told you we gotta we got to be people who love peace you got to learn timing is everything sometimes it's not the right time to have a conversation when you're having a great time and everything is going good and you're happy and ain't nothing going wrong and then all of a sudden she say can i ask you something oh lord here there we go and you know right then happy days are gone sudden changes that's why people get to the point to where they're scared to be happy they're scared for everything to be okay because we have taught them that i'm subject to change my mood at any moment and why are you happy and in the middle of rejoicing here i come but i thought you said you wanted peace it talks in the book about the difference between complaints and criticisms because there's a difference between complaints and criticisms complaints can start with the word i criticism starts with the word you so brother herman what am i supposed to do if if he's doing something that that that's hurting me or he's doing something i don't like what am i supposed to do if she's doing something that i don't like i'm not saying you can't say nothing but you got to learn the difference between the complaint and the criticism if he does something that you don't like say something to the effect of you know it really disappointed me when we didn't get to go out i was really disappointed when you stayed late and we couldn't go out that night that's a complaint that's a good way to say that but a criticism is when you say you always doing this because once you start criticizing that translates to dishonor because nobody wants to be on the end of your vengeance and your wrath and and your your criticism so now what they do they draw up because dishonor revokes your access and so rather than criticize it it's all right to complain cause you got some people and they figure the way he's talking i can't say nothing in this marriage i just gotta girl just do stuff and this man will never know what he's doing that i don't like she'll never know what she's doing that hurts me they'll never know what they're doing to get on my nerve i'm not saying you don't have a voice i'm saying you got to learn what's proper you can complain about some stuff but be careful about the criticism because that's what revokes your access and finally you have to be willing to give each other the benefit of the doubt and never assume anything you got people now that are torn in half marriage is destroyed behind assumptions and i'm not saying people don't do stuff what i'm telling you is that if you don't know for sure don't sow that seed see because you got some folk that and they ain't saved and if you're gonna keep punishing them for stuff they haven't done if they don't go suffer anyway somebody say well i might as well do it cause the consequence ain't gonna be no different from what i got now he'll keep talking and don't keep throwing those suggestions don't assume nothing you like him don't you why are you asking her that what made you ask that woman that you like him you like him i know you like it every time i turn around i can just say you like him you like her huh do you really like you like her just be honest you can tell me anything you like let me tell you something if you think you're going to be able to say something yeah i like her and everything going to be okay you great what you mean you can tell me anything boy don't assume anything give each other the benefit of this you know what happens we ascribe intentions to people we ascribe intentions to do and you know where that comes from that comes from improper communication because when people don't talk that means they got to figure stuff out and so now we're ascribing intentions to people they did something to us and we already thinking it was negative they intended to do that and they intended to hurt me can i tell you something sisters can i tell you something brothers just because you are hurt that's not the same thing as them intending to hurt you sometimes in relationship when we're close like that we rub each other the wrong way sometimes people are gonna do things they don't intend no ill will towards you and you can't sit up there and say well you intended to because when you do it then now you give yourself a pass you ought to know me better than that but then they do something and now we know exactly why they did it we know what was on their mind when they did it we know how they planned this the night before and all that and it's nothing but assumptions and we're letting that kind of stuff tear homes in half because we're assuming stuff and we really don't know this stuff to be true and you're willing to let your whole marriage go behind an assumption something you can't prove something you haven't seen i just figured he did i don't know some is telling me he cheated on me and you willing to walk away behind something like that something like that that's what you're willing to let your marriage go i told you ecclesiastes said when you hear people curse you don't really listen don't don't don't take that to heart but remember that you yourself have cursed others you don't hurt somebody else before and you wanted forgiveness you wanted an excuse you wanted to pass but now we're not willing to give anybody the benefit of the doubt now we're ascribing intentions to their actions you intended to do that you meant to hurt me you just said that to get on my nerves and you think that's what your wife is doing just sitting around trying to figure out a way to get on your nerves you honestly think that that man is just sitting around trying to figure out a way to make you go crazy the bible said a wise woman would build a house foolish woman would tear down with our own hands that's your understanding the bible talk about how a wise man would establish his house and and how he'll order his home amen is that your understanding why is it that now we can't give each other the benefit of the doubt remember the bible says forgiving one another and that's what he says when we look at first corinthians 13 he says listen love suffers long but it's still kind while it's waiting on the change to take place it is still kind it's vaunted not as envious not it doesn't puff itself up does not behave itself unseemly seek it not her own is not easily provoked thinketh no evil rejoice it not in iniquity and rejoice it then the truth beareth all things believe with all things hope with all things and endures all things why because there's a greater good and that's what we have to look for let's look for the greater good in each other and can i say this i pray that god is bringing people back together i've been and i've been so encouraged by the response that i've been getting because people are saying you know what things are getting better slowly but surely we're coming around and i see myself now and i understand what i did wrong i'm glad because most times we see each other but we don't see ourselves and i pray that god is bringing people back together because again you're much better together than you are apart and the enemy is trying to tear us apart but if we learn how to continue to honor one another and to see each other as the gift that god intended us to have we're gonna be okay i look at people before they get married you can't keep them apart i mean they're taking pictures they're doing all this stuff they have shopping for furniture together they're doing this and they're trying to get this together get that together oh man they they they walking together and they they just i mean just there and then give it some time and those same people act like they can't stand to be in the same room as each other what happened to all of that love what happened to all of that togetherness what happened over the course of time that now you can't stand to see each other can i tell you that person that you married is still in there i tell them sometimes when they in the office i've had people come in and they'll say something like i'm done i'm done i can't do this no more i tell them do you love them i don't know i said yes you do yes you do and i know you do i know you do and i tell them i'll prove it to you i thought i'm gonna sit next to each other because most times they're in that condition they're sitting so far apart and they're screwed over and they'll sit next to each other and i tell them just turn and look at each other in the eye don't say a word just look at each other don't say nothing don't talk just look into their eyes and if nothing happens then i'll believe you don't love them no more you know there has never come a time that they didn't start crying i've never had anybody and ain't nobody in here that's been in marriage counseling can stand up and say didn't nothing happen it always happens because sometimes we see through each other we see past each other but we stop seeing each other we don't have to so many are things we can focus on we stop looking at each other stop noticing each other and i tell them if you can look into their eyes and don't nothing happen then i believe you don't love them no more it has never been the case that they turned and looked at each other and didn't start crying sometimes we forget that person we fell in love with is still in there that little girl that you married 15 years ago she is still in there that boy you fell in love with he is still in there but you can't see him because you're looking at all the stuff that doesn't happen all of the hurt that you experienced how disappointed you are how frustrated you are and now you're looking through people and looking past people but you're not really looking at them because if you stop and turn sideways and just look at each other's eyes and don't say nothing i tell them if it don't nothing happen i believe you don't love them no more but it's never happened we just don't know how to access those feelings and the devil is telling us we don't love them anymore and because we don't love them we're not happy and everybody deserves to be happy so we're willing to throw people away put them away because we feel like we don't love them no more and you don't realize you're still connected you're just ignoring you're so clueless and callous to the truth that you really do love that person and we got to get this stuff right because the reality is if we haven't seen it before we see it now life is so uncertain and you got people that are married that are at each other's throats acting like they can't stand each other and if something happened to them next week you would be crazy for the next 30 years of your life it's time to get rid of all this stuff you said to death do us part and i'm telling you i found out when you really love somebody they can be 103 and we'll still say they left us too soon i've had family members married for almost 70 years 70 years 70 years and when they died as long as it was 70 years some people don't live 70 years i had family members married for 70 years and they still crying over each other and just crying and crying because it don't matter how long you're married when you love somebody a lifetime is never enough then you got people in a marriage you sitting up there arguing and throwing dishes in the house and punching holes in the wall and all that crazy stuff and you don't even realize that if something happened to him next week you couldn't take it and you'll beat yourself up for the next 30 years for the foolish stuff that you did when you could have been happy you could have been loving you could have been making memories but you chose to argue you chose to hold all these grudges you chose to dishonor people and all of that that stuff will weigh on you we've seen it this time should have taught us more than anything else how uncertain life is and you mean to tell me this is the one that god gave you and god says in malachi i was the witness between you and the wife of you you god came to your wedding you didn't see him but he was there god stood there and watched you marry this man and you mean this is how it turns out come on now we got to do this thing according to the honor system honor one another as the gift as the blessing that you are that man is a blessing to you well you don't know him ain't got to know him i can tell you this sometimes you're comparing yourself to other people and you don't even know what's going on in their house you looking at your husband and you looking at somebody else's husband and and he got muscles and he got wavy hair and you look at your husband and because you're sitting up comparing yourself to somebody else you don't even realize what that woman is going through in the house you have no clue what she's going through and you can't even be happy in your own situation because you're too busy looking around at somebody else trying to figure out who wife looked better than yours can i tell you something if you look in the devil to make sure every woman look better than her if you're looking got to learn how to value the blessing that god gave you and honor that because it means something to be with somebody in this world the bible said two are better than one because if one of you fought then the other one can help up his neighbor you're better together than you'll ever be apart stand to your feet tonight i preach sermons like this and i notice people are scared to come to the altar i want nobody to think we having problems so let me say this if you sick in your body if you're in financial trouble if you got away with children the altar is open now you can come on nobody know what you're coming from but we got to get this right we got to get this right there's so many things that we could do we're not able to do because we haven't perfected this some of us have kids and our children have to see this disorder they're always the unintended victims when a mother and father can't get things together you got to do everything you can to make sure that this is right do everything that you can do you sow it it'll come back but you got to sow it and can i say this to you some of you have unsafe spouses that you married before you got saved now if you marry them after you got saved then you might not be saved [Music] but there are people that didn't get saved with you do you know that god can bless that home because you do right sanctified wife can sanctify her husband if you learn how to operate properly you can't treat him any kind of way just because he's not saved did you hear me you don't have to participate in his sin but now you can't treat him any kind of way just because he's not saved and then wonder why he's not running to the altar sometimes it's not that these people don't they don't like god they don't like holiness they don't like you they don't like the stuff you do they don't like how you behave they got no problem with god they ain't got no problem with holiness they just don't understand how you speaking in terms of shouting all around that church and then you come here raising sand in the house so we have a reason to do this thing right jesus is coming and you know what i want i want my whole family to go up i won't listen you show up i want all of us holding hands on our way up through the clouds so i'm gonna do right and you ought to do right they're coming come on somebody else if you're here come no matter what your need is you can come god bless you let me pray with these the altar is open father in the name of jesus and i pray that you would honor the faith of this woman [Music] wanna be like jesus [Music] me he's i wanna walk like jesus me just to be like [Music] so [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Full Gospel Holy Temple

Views: 11,832

Rating: 4.9592667 out of 5

Keywords: full, gospel, holy, temple, Bishop, Herman, Murray, Jr, Apostle, Convocation, holiness, god, jesus, heaven

Id: Mrgcm8ww778

Length: 97min 50sec (5870 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 28 2021