Fantasy Love | Jonathan Pokluda - Oct 16, 2018

[Music] let me just start by telling you how the porch is set up a little bit and so we have about two hundred and fifty volunteers that make this happen every week and so as we gather with us 250 volunteers they're divided up on about five teams those five teams have a male and female leader over each one of those teams and so those are our poorest leaders kind of the elders of the porch if you will and so every year we get away with those porch leaders we go out of town we go on a retreat usually to a lake house a couple years ago we went to my in-laws lake house on Lake Whitney and so we went out there to Lake Whitney and what this looks like is is usually a lot of praying a lot of dreaming asking God what he wants from the ministry how we can best minister to you guys those kinds of things and at night we're usually sitting around a campfire and so we're sitting around a campfire the guys and the girls and we're talking and and there's this big field out there okay where my in-laws places there's this big field some some public land if you will and and I asked the the leaders I just said hey have have any of you never been snipe hunting and and and about half of them raised their hand they had never been it's let me just ask you guys how many of you have never been or you don't know what snipe hunting is would you just raise your hands real high okay so it's a lot of you okay it's a lot of you so come back with me if you have been snipe hunting or you know what it is would you raise your hands real high okay so that's that's some of you too so a little more than half on that first one and so this is kind of what was there it was like half of us had been half of us hadn't been and I'm like guys we got to go we got to go snipe hunting like it's gonna be so much fun and everybody that's been like yes it's so fun so you know and so here's the don't tell him I know I know and so here's the deal we we go out there and I'm explained to us and so a snipe if you don't know what it is there's like this little white bird and it runs on the ground it comes out at night kind of like runs on the ground like a quail if you will and it comes out at night and you can catch them they're actually pretty easy to catch and so the way that you do it is you get this headlamp you know cuz the light they're they're attracted to the light and you get a little bag like a burlap sack and you have to be out there all by yourself in the field it's the only way to catch them and you have to call them and so that the call is irresistible to the snipe and so my my friend should tall she's out there she's like like a legend with our porch leaders you know and I'm telling I'm like this is how you catch this night and she's out there in the bed so I teach with a call I'm gonna teach you guys the call so you can use it and so you go I mean like you go out there you go you got this headlamp at his pitch-black and so she's out there you know and and and so we leave and she's out there in the field holding hold in the back and and we kind of drive around the corner those of us who had been we drive around the corner right hey there's like this big shed there and we drive around the corner we're just watching and laughing and because here's the deal right know what they don't want me to tell you snipe aren't real there's no such thing there's no such thing and so I know and and you know and so it's it's funny right when you're looking for something that's not real and it's even a little entertaining if the way that you're looking is foolish and so many of you came in here this evening in search of love everyone wants love and I have to break it to you just like I did for friends about this silly animal the love that you're looking for it's not real it doesn't exist you defined it in correctly and furthermore for so many of you the way that you're looking is foolish it's foolish and I think the enemy is laughing at you watching you hurt yourself and bring pain into your life remaining single having unsatisfied desires he's watching you and he's laughing at you and so I want to from the Scriptures tonight show you that it's not real that to find love you have to define the love you have to define it in the right way see it actually it turns out I did a little Google search on the snipe hunt it turns out it is there is a real bird called the snipe then and so this has been a long time since since the 1930s this has been a prank that people pull and so here's a picture of a snipe right it looks nothing like I described it turns out it's nowhere near where we were looking they live and lives near the beach and the sand on the shores there and the way you catch it certainly isn't with a bag and a flashlight and a silly call to find this knife you'd one want to know what it looks like and two you'd want to know where it is and then three-d-- want to know how to find it like what or how to attract it how to catch it and so in the same way we can make this so simple you're searching for love to find love you have to know what it is you have to know where you find it then then you have to know how to look like if we can just solve those three mysteries that's gonna send you out of this place with with such a major upper hand than you came in here with you're gonna be so much better off if you know what it looks like and where to find it then when you came in here or when you started listening this evening and so we're talking about finding real love we're in this series called fantasy the subtitle is finding real love in a fake world you said you might say well what do they mean by a fake world a fake world is what has defined love for you before you came in here a social media right it's the highlight reel of everybody else's life it's the airbrushed images in magazines they're not real it's the movies and the TV shows that are painting the picture of hey this is love yet it doesn't last you never laugh and yet that's that's where you have gone to be educated on such topics it's the dating profiles and getting catfished and tender out there swiping right or left this is not going to lead you to biblical sustaining sacrificial love it's going to lead you exactly where you've been before like a dog to his vomit hurt crying in the middle of the night sad going back to Jeff has he texted me has she texted wonder why I wonder what they're doing wonder where they're lost confused crying out I know wants something better for you I believe your Father in Heaven wants something better for you and so I want you to look for something that's real I want you to look in the right place I don't want the way that you're looking to be silly like you're standing in a field making some silly sound with the enemy laughing at you as we think about love as you defined it when you came in here let me just ask the question is it even necessary I'll read to use two statistics this come from Aziz Ansari's book modern romance the first one just says waiting for true love was a luxury that many especially woman cannot afford in the early 1960s a full 76% of women admitted that they would be willing to marry someone they didn't love mmm the vast majority of people said they would be willing to marry someone that they didn't feel romantic love towards crazy crazy right and then it says then the generation that came of age during the 60s and 70s rejected companionate marriage and began to pursue something greater they didn't merely want a spouse they wanted to soul mate by the 1980s eighty-six percent of American men 91% of American women said they would not marry someone without the presence of romantic love so one generation used to have to say the vast majority say no romantic love's not necessary and then in one generation later you have the vast majority of Americans saying I wouldn't even consider marrying someone without romantic love my hunch is you are firmly in that second camp right what happened between the generation that existed in the 60s and the 70s and 80s what happened in between there something called the sexual revolution we thought we got so much smarter when it came to sex you had the invention of birth control you had the invention of Playboy magazine you have the the very way was created that we're still coasting on today and we think we're better at it with all of our new like we're like a course or when you're married let me ask you guys a question by raising man by show of hands how many campuses you could participate as well how many of your grandparents were divorced would you raise your hand if your grandparents were divorced now not if they were widowed and they remarried but if they actually got a divorce would you raise your hands I want to see them okay okay got it how many of your parents are divorced Wow Wow okay can I tell you something too you have twice as many grandparents as you do parents so in theory that first question should have been twice as many hands but it was much less than half as many hands are we getting better at this and you can answer the self if what for yourself what your grandparents had is true love or real level or more real love than what your parents have if you know them and so I'm gonna be jumping around more topical this evening but there's one verse I want to look at up front it's Romans 12 verse 9 and it says love must be sincere hate what is evil cling to what is good very simple verse you can look at me love must be sincere hate what is evil cling to what is good to say that like love must not be fantasy love must not be faked love must be real and true and honest and authentic love if it's real love it has to be sincere and I think the problem is we have not hated what is evil we've cloned - what is evil and we've hated what is good and we've settled for a fake love we've settled for an in sincere love and so as I move through this we're gonna look at what is fake love what is real love and how to find it unless you start with what is fake love what is fake love so many people find fake love because you have no idea what you're looking for right you're just out there and you're trying to find something but you don't know what it looks like how can you find something that you don't know what and you hear this phrase right that if people try to help you with this race well you just know when you know in that's so helpful you just know when you know or you could know when you find what it is that you set out looking for wouldn't that be a better plan see like just this it was yesterday actually my friend texted me and was like hey I'm gonna go to the Allen outlet mall do you want to go with me I'm like of course I want to go with you and I like to shop and so he he picks me up and I'm like what are you doing he's like well you know I'm looking for a rain jacket because it's been raining for like seven months here and so he's like I'm looking for a rain jacket my rain jacket got a hole in it and so I was gonna go to the North Face outlet that's a great I'd love to go with you and so he was interesting our shopping experiences because I wasn't really looking for anything wishes to say I was looking at everything you know just kind of wandering around like oh man zoom a skateboard I think I need to go no and then over here the disco jacket how about this shirt these shoes though right and so I'm walking around looking all this but but his experience is so different he's like raincoat okay do you have this in this side okay rain okay noir face I don't know I'm gonna go check out Colombia and then he goes to call me and he just goes to the raincoat racks like he's on a mission he's focused he knows exactly what he's looking for meanwhile I'm just running around wandering around with a little bit of money in my pocket thinking hey I don't know what I'm gonna take home you know and that's how some of you date right right I don't know what I'm gonna take home who I'm gonna take home or who I'm gonna go home with I know it's so simple and I'm sorry I know a lot of you've missed it what if right now you just said hey I'm gonna look for exactly this and I'm not gonna settle until I find that what if you left here with that reality with that idea and see we're getting married later we're training for divorce jumping into a relationship jumping out jumping in jumping out as soon as something goes wrong jump out that's not training for marriage we're not getting married at all more than any other generation before us and I think we have to ask the question why and so what does fake love fake love is defined by fake sources fake love is defined by fake sources fantasy begets fantasy if your teacher is fake then your results are fake if what they've taught you is fake then what you're looking for is fake and so you have to ask the question what defines love for you like do you want what your parents have do you want what your grandparents have do you want what Kim and Kanye have like what what is it that you're actually looking for who's defined that for you do you want what Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds have or Ariana and Pete had what what are you what are you looking for and what's crazy is it's not even the celebrity relationships you're looking for it's the relationships that they have on a show where they're playing a part that's what you're looking for I want what I saw on the notebook I mean really that's confusing I mean which one right you really have been taught this by people who are playing a part from a script acting for money and you say that's what I want I want what what the 27 failed bachelor bachelorettes weren't really that's confusing that's what you want that's confusing what's what's defining your source of love that will help you know if it's fake see biblical love is sacrificial it's not self-serving right it's it's not something that reality shows would be made of so you've been fed this lie of the manic highs and the man of clothes in a really strange way because we've met we talked me and you you want something that's incredibly broken and you say no I don't want something that's broken but in here you're like you know I kinda do I kind of want him one minute to tell me he loves me in the next minute to tell me he hates me I want him to bring me clothes and then throw things at me know that I would never want that yes you do because that's what you've been entertained by and in a really weird twisted broken way somewhere inside of you that's what you want and I hate the enemies laughing at you in a field holding a bag with a flashlight making crazy sounds he's laughing at you and God wants something better for you than that but they won't make any movies about it like like when a man loves a woman and he gives himself for her and a woman loves a man and she gives herself for him you know what it is like can I just be honest with you this is you're gonna think I'm crazy on this I'm gonna lose all credibility with you try to listen after I say this okay you don't have to try it's boring that's the truth it's not entertaining it's it's just it's amazing it's beautiful it's sacrificial it's incredible it's godly but honestly really what you want you want a boring marriage a marriage that no director or producer is calling you saying hey man could we come over and film because that was cry heard you from three blocks away yelling at each other no no you don't want that you want no I didn't hear you I've never heard you guys yell or even raise your tone or or anything it just seems like you guys love each other that doesn't sell nobody came in here tonight thinking man I really want a boring marriage but I hope you leave here wanting a boring marriage fake love is self-serving see fantasy is all about the pursuit of ecstasy you know the fantasy suite or fantasy island right that that's fake love if you're thinking about what they can do for you or what you can do to them that's fake love and so we think about sex all the time this is a big felt need you came in here with you want to have sex you want to experience intimacy and I get that I've been there okay I I have I have had all of the the bad expectations that you guys have like I thought marriage I just like made you just have sex all the time like that's what it is I mean I thought that I'm like she's gonna wear lingerie every single night just like I've seen in the Victoria's Secret magazines you know before I was a believer like that that's what she's gonna do because that looks comfortable right I'm sure that's why she wants to do so and then you get married and can't say it's not like that and and I know you here's what you just thought cuz I heard it was so loud that's just you JP okay I can't tell you something I spent the last twelve years meeting with hundreds maybe thousands of couples I've seen the ones that are really successful I've seen the ones that have failed people will talk with a pastor about very intimate issues it's it's the reality it's not going to be what you think marriage is not one big hookup session it just isn't in fact I'll come behind that with some data my friends a CPA and so he did a little research for me and it's couples that have a lot of sex couples that have a lot of sex they have three thousand two hundred and forty minutes of sex a year that's a lot three thousand two hundred and forty minutes that's that's a lot right okay I was gonna make a joke but I'm not okay the Holy Spirit interceded there and saved you all can thank God for that there are five hundred and twenty six thousand six hundred minutes each year that means that this couple who has three thousand two hundred and forty minutes of sex they spend less than one percent of their time having sex in fact it's point six two percent here's what that means is a couple who has lots of sex spends ninety nine point three eight percent of their time doing not sex everything else like I'm just gonna go with you for a minute and I maybe I shouldn't but I think my wife and I are better than average and I'm just shooting you're straight and and here's the deal we spend a lot of time like okay can you take them to that soccer game no I got this soccer practice over here okay you go over there and oh I'm actually speaking over here okay I'll see you Thursday all right maybe third okay and then and and so you go here okay grocery store okay and then dinner is it okay no I'm gonna eat okay I got the oh it's Tuesday I have the porch actually I'll be there till about 10:30 okay you see that's real life that's what it look and so if she was just great at intimacy then that means she potentially would not be great at ninety nine point most of marriage make sure you're looking for what matters and it's not sex as my friend says wisely you don't even want to have sex you want to experience godly intimacy and that's available for people who know what godly love is and it's available exclusively for them and not anybody else in fact where the scripture talks about marriage in first Peter 3 Colossians 3 or Ephesians 5 it tells you hey this is how to be married well and nowhere does it say and here's how you be a better lover or here's some tips and tricks I mean it's all about hey you lay your life down as Christ did sacrificial service strive to live in an understanding way these are from those verses the verses that are about marriage they don't say anything about improving your intimacy but improving your service to one another even intimacy is not about receiving it's not about you experiencing pleasure but it's about serving in the scripture and so fake love is in how they make you feel if you're going about thinking about how they make you feel right this is fake love I do weddings every now and then in every couple I marry I asked this question hey why do you love him why do you love her and there's this pattern in their response they say some sometimes they'll say well I love the way he makes me feel and I just called them out on that because I'm like man that's incredibly selfish what you love about him is about you what you love about her is about you like that's what you're chasing is how someone can make you feel what about when they can't make you feel that way anymore right love is serving it's giving it's sharing and so what you love about them is how they make you feel if we're chasing someone to make us feel a certain way and this is this is so what so many of you came in here thinking and it's not your fault that's the truth it's not your fault you've been fed this lie man this is the lie that they're feeding you slowly and meticulously and strategically the people who are really bad at love are coming alongside you saying hey let me coach you up let me teach you what love is love is like a drug this is the popular message in fact let me just show you something crazy we're coming out of our lyrics and lies series and so just as a little overlap tonight let me read to you some lyrics which is always awkward and so let me just this is these are the songs you're listening to okay the big idea love is a drug you use okay and so Camila caballo she says this something must have gone wrong in my brain got your chemicals all in my veins feeling all the highs feel all the pain let go of the wheel it's borderline now I'm seeing red not thinking straight blurring all the lines you intoxicate me just like nicotine rushing me touching me suddenly I'm a fiend and you're all I need you're to blame just one hit of you I knew I'll never be the same Ke$ha just says it outright your love is my drug it's the name of our song Justin Timberlake's your love girl says this tell me can I get a light roll you up and let it run through my veins cuz I can always see the farthest stars when I'm on you I don't want to ever come down from this cloud of loving you now you got me hopped up on that pusher love so high I'm on the ceiling baby we'll go Camilla again with Machine Gun Kelly she says and we're both wild and the night's young and you're my drug breathe you until my face is numb which reminds me of another one and so the weekend right that's what the song is all about you're a drug I want to use you even fifth harmony got in on this man fifth harmony same so unlike that drug drug drug he tripped when he on it one taste and he wanted this just in okay public service announcement love is not a drug and you don't use it to get high you don't use people dating is not a drug and and if you have bought into that lie if you're chasing the next high chasing the next feeling it's also going to come with the hurt and the hangover the withdraw if you will when you begin to try to learn how to do it right it's going to be painful cuz all you know it is what's wrong and you're hooked on it you're addicted what happens with drugs what do we do with drugs we use drugs we get addicted to drugs and we get hurt by drugs and what happens with the way that you date you use people you get addicted to people and then you get hurt by people and and I know that as you look in your rear-view mirror I just described a lot of your dating lives and the enemy's laughing at you while you're in a field making silly noises with a bag and a flashlight and your heavenly father he never ever meant for you to experience the heart ache and the pain that you've experienced he didn't want that for you and you're mad at him why did he let me date him he didn't want you to you didn't ask him you never asked him and then when you you did you you did the things he asked you not to and you're mad at him that's insanity that's insanity I'm not gonna listen to a word you said I'm not gonna do it your way I'm gonna do it my way but when it goes south you're a blame are you sure love is a verb so if you're looking for it look for people who live out the verb who serve someone who enjoy serving others my wife and I were watching this movie on bid angel if you don't know what bidding jewel is find out and so we're watching the breakup on vid Angel and there's this scene Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston it's so intense during this fight so intense and and and he's like do you want me to do the dishes and she's like no I want you don't want to do the dishes and he's like who wants to do the dishes and I would just say people who love serving people who love serving want to do the dishes that's what you're looking for someone who loves serving others and so what is real love is this I'm gonna read it to you this is real love there's straight from the Bible it's so clear it's like God loves us so much and so close your eyes and as I read this to you let me just read it you just picture you can you see it if you went love is patient love is kind it does not envy it does not boast it is not proud it does not dishonor others it is not self-seeking it is not easily angered it keeps no record of wrongs love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth it always protects always trusts always hopes always perseveres love never fails real love is defined as sacrificial service real love is defined as sacrificial service and so here's the simple assignment for you you can compare what you're looking for to this list this should be your list I want her to be tall and brunette no no this is your list I hope he's a doctor no no no no no this is your list it doesn't say doctor it doesn't say that she she better be a virgin no no no this this is your list all that other stuff is silly I want you to make sure you could just so you're not tempted to email I want to be really clear okay all that other stuff is silly is that clear like are we clear I'm not clear am I being clear as I said it's silly it's silly this is your list this is what you're looking for so if how do you know when you found it's not not you just know when you know it you know when it's this now I know it's this are you saying I can just marry anybody that meets that I am crazy I know crazy let's keep going understanding first that you have been loved you are loved right now perfectly I get so sad when I see my single friends both male and female when they don't find someone or their heart gets hurt they turn from God the one who has said he's never going to leave you or forsake you and you're upset because you're alone and what he wants you to realize is you're not alone you'll never be alone you've never been alone since you've known him and and you you don't need to be mad at him okay he's not the one that brought sin into the world the world we live in is broken and and there's heartbreak here the world that you've been reserved for the world that you were meant for there's no heartbreak there there's no breakups there there's no divorce there how many in so many of you raised your hands you I hate that I hate them like my heart hurts when I see that so I know that that didn't come easy right to live in that home to see the things thrown about maybe it happened after you left and then you ever met you've got the phone call and it's like what but you guys promised if you define love as giving of yourself for the good of others then you can look for that you can look for someone who is constantly giving of themselves for the good of others John 15:13 says this the greater love has no one than this to lay down one's life for one's friends and this isn't just a Jesus joke right this is the reality that God has demonstrated love for us he's the author of love I'm gonna show you in a minute that love comes from him he's the one that invented love he gets to define love if you're not looking for his love then you're not looking for love what you're looking for is not love if it's not God's love like God is the author of love not Hollywood not the movies not not the soldiers singing to the creator of the heavens and the earth so he says love is sincere real love is sincere it's Romans 12 9 I gave it to you up top real love is sincere love must be sincere and so guys what this means is you can just be honest and truthful and and you don't have to like text message and and hint around or play games or slide into DMS with something crazy like you can just be honest and speak from your heart and this removes all the complications imagine if everyone left here and you were just honest and you didn't play games like like what what is games what I mean by that you you know you could receive a text message and you see it you want to text them back but you don't because you want them to feel thank you that's love I mean really that's what you think the Creator wants from you it is for someone to be sitting on the other end of the phone wondering like that's what you thought was going to get you a real solid marriage one grounded in truth guys are you serious he has better for you than that no need to play games like so many of us we've learned to love selfishly in fact the only question we asked when considering an opportunity is what's in it for me and to you I would say serve like get out there and give of yourself because in marriage you have to do a lot of serving if you don't enjoy doing the dishes you're not going to enjoy marriage okay you're gonna be doing the dishes as often or maybe even more than you're going to be making love think about that for a minute you better like doing the dishes right my marriage friends are getting whiplash not in their head so hard I see you an enemy so good he makes me so mad he makes me so angry because he keeps those of you that are selflessly serving single and he allows the people that are selfish and stuck on themselves and narcissistic and all concerned about the way they way they look and he allows them to get married but can I tell you some he allows them to get married five times two times three times four times and I promised I've been doing this for a while the one who's selfish selflessly serving wins they win every time winning looks different but they're always better off than the selfish one they're always better off don't play games will make it complicated keep it simple if you like someone tell them you like them if you don't like them tell them why be honest real love is not motivated by fear real love is not motivated by fear are you looking for love out of fear or or are you not looking for love out of fear both are wrong real love is not motivated by fear first John 4:18 says there is no fear in love but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment the one who fears is not made perfect in love right and so if you're here and you want to be married because you're afraid afraid to be alone you don't have to be afraid to be alone like I said before you've never been alone and you need to know that your singleness is not a punishment in fact we did an entire message messages on this reality that singleness is a gift please go listen to them because after I finished that message churches from around the country literally said hey can you come and give that message here because we love our single people and we want them to hear that the scripture says that singleness is a gift please go back and listen to that message and here's the truth I've got to tell you the truth about marriage and if you hear me and you believe me if you don't believe me that's fine but but prove it you know what I'm saying like leave here and test it and wrestle with it and think about it that's what I want to do tonight I almost want to leave you with questions I want you to begin to question the things that you knew to be true when you came in here not the gospel but the things about love and what the world has taught you about love and here's the truth about marriage now love marriage is a gift some of you need to hear that marriage is good those of you that are like afraid of it I want you to know it's really really good those of you that can't wait to get married I want you to hear it's really really really hard it's really good and it's really hard both are true all right here's the truth about marriage it's much more practical than any of you want to believe it is it's a partnership on life it's like hey life is hard like let's go through this together it's not about all the fields like all the fields aren't going to be there for a lot of the days that you're married we heard in the sixties they weren't there for 76% of people who got married at a time when we even learned in this room that the divorce rate was lower that's a challenge you're thinking see here's the reality once upon a time like in the 50s and in the 60s the beginning of the 60s marriage was the foundation of your adult life here's what this meant is you graduated from high school or college and you looked out and usually you would marry someone within a five-block radius of where you lived which challenges the whole one mentality like the one was your neighbor ain't no right down the street that was the one and and so you would get married and and it was this reality of like man life is really hard like I'm got to go to work now I'm in debt you know I need help with these things so let's come together and help each other and it was the foundation and you would build the house on that foundation this is how it used to be now you feel the pressure when you came in here you feel a pressure you need to build the house it needs to all be there you need to have the job make this much money you got to be able to afford a ring you know get out of debt get everything all polished up and the marriage is the furnishings once the house is built I'm gonna put the furniture inside I you view marriage like the sofa that you buy after the couch is after the story after the house is built it's not that it was never meant to be that what are we doing we're waiting longer and longer and longer to get married some of us aren't getting married at all like if you want marriage I believe God is a fan of young marriage and if you want to challenge me on that I would just look at biology when your body begins to prepare itself to procreate and I believe that we obey the laws of the land I believe that you know we this is an area we've been heavily influenced by culture but I will go on record and believe that God is a fan of young marriage based on his design and it's it's not a capstone it's the cornerstone it's it's not the furnishings it's the foundation and so how do you find real love before we leave how do you find real love we do monic and I do premarital counseling and we have the couples take this test called the preparing and rich test and it asked them all these questions and every I believe this is to be true I think every couple that we've met with has missed one of the questions every one of them I mean they miss different questions but every one of them has missed one question in particular that talks about love and how you define it and in it shows us as we look at the results it says hey you need to help this couple with expectations and that's what I believe if I can help you with expectations tonight from the Scriptures if we can look at what love is from the one who invented it then you're gonna leave here better off than you came in the that's gonna help you find what it is and so if you know what it looks like and where to find it you are set up for success at least more success than you came in here with if love is serving then where you find is among the servants look that's where you look for it and what here's what's ironic to me is my friend told me about this term today called missionary goggles anybody heard of this missionary goggles I hadn't either and I'm okay some of you likes girls I just talked to you for a second like you're so concerned with what you look like and the makeup and the hair and all of that and like just making sure everything's in order and that's cool like God has made you that way and and I think that's fantastic but I just I want to tell you an observation that I that you know my friend said the day I was like that's so true is what I see is is you know we go on these overseas trips we go to a third world country a girl doesn't leave like she leaves her blow-dryer behind you know and I mean we're lucky if she brought the odorant you know hadn't taken a shower in three days and she's out there serving people on the side of the Amazon River in the Amazon jungle caring for widows and orphans and some dude is across the way like like men I've never noticed her before like wow she's hot like literally she's hot like pit stains and all like that no I mean but but it's like and they come back and and the relationship takes off like I've seen that somebody said look launch retreats the same way I know it's not like serving like that but you get out there and and and people like the sparks don't fly when you're all dolled up for the party it's like when you're all sweaty on the field you know and everybody's nasty and it's just like but man we're just running together and we're having fun together and we're experiencing the body of Christ and fellowship together like just think about that like okay I may be wrong but just think about it for a second and so you look among the Saints you you look among the servants second Corinthians 6:14 says do not be yoked together with unbelievers what does this mean yoked together with unbelievers we were on vacation this past weekend and we were in a museum walking through a museum and I saw a little literal yoke and so a yoke is something that you would use to put oxen in two oxen and so they they would be yoked together and they'd have to go the same direction at the same speed and so I took a picture here's my daughter and her friend doesn't he look like just the average married guy and she looks like the average married girl and uh and just I thought that was funny cuz he's like why are you taking a picture I mean and and so this thing right here this this yoke that's what it's saying don't be yoked together with unbelievers because if someone goes right like you're going to have to go right with them or you're going to break your neck and in fact you want to be yoked to someone who's going the same direction at the same speed that's what you're looking for someone going the same direction at the same speed someone pursuing Christ at the same pace like and let me say this in case you're confused you should be recklessly with you should be pursuing Christ with reckless abandon with everything you got hard and fast and you should find someone who's pursuing Christ that hey guys listen cuz I know this stuff is hard I know Christian dating is complicated I know we've complicated with all these made-up rules that aren't even in the Bible and I just want to make it simple for you what if like just just challenge me on this what if it's just that simple like what if you're just to leave here and find someone who's pursuing Christ as hard and fast as you are and you're to be pursuing Christ hard and fast what if guys what if the creator of the heavens and the earth like want you to leave here in it just to be that easy like not more complicated than that now we can you know you're gonna leave here and think about that and say but what about chemistry and this and that and I just said let's just consider I wonder what the success rate like let's just say we took a hundred people and that wild chemistry like let's say we made up the show just pretend we took a guy and we took about how many girls fifteen seventeen girls twelve girls how many 25 girls and we said hey we want you just to go on dates in fact we're going to pay for some crazy dates helicopter rides and whatnot and and we're gonna throw parties and and and we're gonna create chemistry and we saw how many of those at the end of let's just say we did that like 27 times hypothetically speaking and we saw how many of those were successful versus over here we just took a man and a woman who loved God and we put them together and said hey y'all be married but they but they both love God you know that the divorce rate among a man and a woman who are recklessly pursuing Christ you know what it is zero there's never been a divorce between a man and a woman who were recklessly pursuing Christ it's never happened in the history of the world the divorce rate is zero and some girls I know you're thinking but it's not that easy I know you are I want you to know that God controls the hearts of kings and of boys and you and you not getting asked out maybe his incredible mercy in your life okay it may be his incredible grace and this is not a slam at the guys but I see a lot of voice and so the Lord who loves you may be protecting you from something and boys men men I want to help you if I can help you in any way prepare yourself for that because I've also see a lot of men and that's the truth and so men find someone godly if you want marriage find a godly woman and ask her out that's your assignment you can even say hey is that the porch and he told me I had to do this find the godly woman and ask her out okay the one that you like man I wish you know my friend should date her like that one and girls when a godly guy asks you about say yes just can I tell you something is he scared you need to know that you're like I know you're like man why don't godly guys ask girls out here's what because they're scared because you guys were terrifying okay because when we when we ask you that it's truth then it's terrifying you're terrifying all in that moment what we've done is we've taken all of our strength and authority and any power that we have and we just set it in your hand and we sit there vulnerable waiting for you to say yes or no and and if you say no you are rejecting us like you say this is what you're saying you look at us and you say you know what I don't choose you and we go I know it hurts and we go like this you know and and it feels like we can't recover from that and so you're like man I wish guys would ask more girls out local guys are like man I wish girls would say yes and so girls if a godly guy asks you out say yes and if you have to say no say why the girls that I email me all the time I mean truly like hey what do I say if I'm not interested say you're not interested and say why but that that feels mean we listen we'll bounce back okay we're gonna call our community group they'll rally around us pray you know James 5:16 the prayers of righteous are powerful and effective will come back from that okay the Spirit of God will move but guys ask a godly girl out girls if a godly guy asked you out say yes and what if it's that simple he said well what if I'm not attracted to them what if attraction comes later I can't tell you how many marriages I've donnelly man I was not into him but man today you know I hear it all the time and so men be agents of God and ask out godly girls and girls if you feel like man I just feel so helpless I can't like nothing you know what you can do there's one simple thing that you can do and you can do it every single day is you can pray and some people will say with JP you know but there's that messin with my heart like man I trust God in that because you pray God is gonna align your heart with what he's doing but before you get angry at God like make sure you prayed every single day for the past three years or ever long right and if you haven't prayed like I wouldn't waste any time being angry I'm just gonna end with the verse it's first John 4:7 he says dear friends let us love one another it really says in the Greek it says beloved or loved ones those who are loved let us love one another for love comes from God everyone who love has been born of God and knows God whoever does not love does not know God because God is love this is how God showed his love among us he sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him and so I want you to leave here and I want you to he says cling to what is good I want you to clean to the Father love comes from the Father those that know him here's the reality no one who did that someone who doesn't know God cannot live out first Corinthians 13 they came what I'm saying so I'm clear you're atheist friend cannot love like God calls them to love it's impossible and someone who has been born of God they know God they're walking with Him they're pursuing him they can't not love that way that is how they love and that is why God I believe God the scripture says hey this is all you need to know you've made it so complicated you've been listening to Kim and Kanye too long you it's simple it's more simple than that simpler than that it's this simple this is what you need to know and so in summary fake love is defined by fake sources is self-serving and is rooted and how they make you feel real love is defined by sacrificial service it is sincere and it is not motivated by fear so find real love knowing what it looks like and where to look we were at the the fair this past weekend on Sunday we went out to the fair anybody been to the fair okay Wow Wow is it really that simple though anybody been to the fair yeah okay cool good so you've been out to the fair so we were out at the fair and and and so I went with my kids like the fair is like the only place where you pay a bunch of money to go in and pay a bunch of money and so we went in there and I know it's so true and in the rides they were doing the rides and whatnot and then I was like hey okay let's go we got to go do something else and my kids - my kids are completely know dad we still want to do rides I'm like no day's broke we can't and and I'm like let's go do something else and so two of them were really complaining I've got three kids and so my oldest she wasn't like she was a cool dad hey guys we can trust daddy I'm like that's right and so and so we went you know and and so what I did then is I said you know what we're gonna come back and do one ride and I said and you get to decide what it is but but we're gonna go do other things and she was like oh I want to do that ride it's like a it's like a rollercoaster but it goes in a circle it kind of goes in a room and comes around is called the lovebug I don't know if you saw it but they play that that music in there and it's just like this roller coaster goes up and down but it's not really a roller coaster is these cars that are on the track and it just goes around in a circle real fast this is like want to do that one you know and and I was like great and so then we witness all the animals and we went to the car shows but she just can't wait to do that ride we're gonna do great and I was like hey listen like like enjoy where we're at right now and we're going do that but like right now let's enjoy we're at you know look at that car and look there's a you know six hundred bunnies and there's a cow and and it Annika enjoy where we're at and she's like but I can't wait to do that ride and and so it became came time before we were gonna leave and we go back into the Midway and we're gonna do that ride and so we get get some more tickets you know more just the house and and and and we're she's staying in line I'm just gonna send the kids on it and so Monica and I are watching and and they get on to go onto this ride and you know my son my youngest is the smallest and the middle and then the oldest and and and so what they did is they said well the the youngest needs to be on the inside and you because the ride the centrifugal force like and so they put the youngest on the on the inside and then the middle and then my oldest the one that wanted to ride the ride she's on the end and they start the ride and starts going around and and at first it's that look of pure joy like she's just having so much fun because it's not a scary ride and she's just having so much fun and and laughing it's like everything she thought it was going to be within the guys like let's go faster and they as they're going faster like her brother and her sister are coming toward her and I'm watching because I'm even filming on slow-mo you know so I can Instagram it and and and I watch her face as her face changes from joy and she starts trying to push them off of her like get off of me and then it kind of turns to like sadness and then it kind of started turns to terror you know and and she starts in the middle of the ride she just starts weeping and I'm it's hard to watch as a dad right I'm like oh my goodness stop the ride stuff the ride and and she just starts crying and I'm watching it and the ride comes to a stop in Monaca are like oh no you know and she gets off and she runs off and she runs to me and she just buries her head in my stomach and she just holds me and she says daddy they were hurting me daddy they were hurting me they were hurting me and it wouldn't stop and there's this thing that you're you're so looking forward to you're so excited about but if you've defined it incorrectly you're going to get on that roller coaster and it is going to hurt you like it has so many people and some of you you've been in that roller on that roller coaster you said I love you I love you too long conversations the text messages late at night good night I love you and you've been hurt some of you you're on the ride right now and you need to get off and those of you that came in walking with the limp because you know you've been hurt there's there's heartbreak you you're losing hope in love what you need to do what exactly what my twelve-year-old daughter did is you need to run to your father and embrace him cling to what is good and he understands he understands loss he lost his son for you and there is no greater love than that and love comes from him and he's never left you nor forsake you forsaken you he's crazy about you he is crazy about you and if you're wanting to know how to love you leave here and you start with him let me pray that you would father help us to know what love is help us to cling to what is good and hate what is evil and help us to leave here with a sincere love thank you for the example that you've given us in Jesus Christ for all that you've done for us in Jesus Christ father help us to live for you through him help us to be sincere with one another and kind and honest father would you take the things that we came in here with that are not of you and would you leave them help us to leave them behind and the things that are of you god help us to cling to them to know them to look for them to search them in Jesus name Amen

Channel: The Porch

Views: 40,016

Rating: 4.9307785 out of 5

Keywords: the, porch, dallas, watermark, church, young, adults, christian, christianity, ministry, movement, jp, todd, wagner, david, marvin, jonathan, fort, worth, ft, el, paso, fantasy, dating, love, marriage, sex, dream, guy, girl, dates, single, engaged, married

Id: kGGScEUYoBs

Length: 60min 8sec (3608 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 11 2018