Fantasy Girl | Jonathan "JP" Pokluda - Oct. 23, 2018

[Music] come on porch how are we doing come on come on tonight yes tonight we are talking I'm talking to the men okay ladies you can leave no I'm kidding okay hey are there any dudes here anyways the guys show up I love it I love it I love it well want to say hi to our campuses El Paso and Fort Worth and Houston and Tulsa and wherever you're at around the world if you're listening welcome to the porch we're glad you're here we're talking to the men what to look for in a woman and so to find out what you guys are thinking we went to these State Fair of Texas here in Dallas and we were asking some guys and so we caught some video why don't we start just by watching this [Music] hey guys Josh and Elena out here at the State Fair and we're here trying to figure out how people navigate life love relationships dating their dream guy their dream girl do you believe in the line soulmate on us yeah come along with the ride let's figure it out describe to me your your dream girl you notice you guys are like be into the same stuff I can be into because like it ran into the same stuff we're not going play probably have to be like I'm Mexican nice body tan you got a nice smile some cute eyes you know you know the body don't have to be perfect but you know a little little curviness funny I guess yes someone who's quirky like me I don't know I just instant connection I guess well he said beautiful smile that's like the first thing smile if she has a good personality I never really was big on the body so like alright alright alright so that's what we're thinking so my my family and I we went to the State Fair as well and a very different experience right when you got three kids with you and so you know we're riding the ladybugs and stuff and and we go through this like that warehouse thing were they it's not the car show but that area by Big Tex if you've been there you've been to Dallas and in there they like sell hot tubs and and mattresses you guys been in there you probably don't even go in there but but we go in there because we're those people and and we're walking through and there's this guy selling a Vitamix a blender like and so we are you know our family we get sucked into this guy's got the microphone on and he's he's just making the sale talking about how amazing this blender is and so I don't know if you have lenders or you're into like you know juicing celery or something but this dude's just getting after it and it's an amazing blender right I gave it weighs the stuff that you put inside it tells you the recipe and then it tells you if you're putting enough of it in there and he's mixing it all up he's pulled some spinach and some kale and and some grapes I'm like man I don't want anything to do with that but he as he adds he adds some like ice and water and it keeps telling you it will be green and until you put just actually it's red I'm sorry it'll be red until you put just enough in and then it turns green and it says okay switch to the next ingredient and he's just mixing it up and as I was thinking about that with my family as this guys adding stuff in there this is what I think guys do when it comes to trying to find the perfect woman you know they want these different ingredients okay like like I want her to be really fun okay but but not too much drama okay I want her to love football but not too much football like not more than me because that's weird and I want I want you know I want her to be like really hot you know at the Cayenne or whatever I want her and you know she needs to look like Gigi Hadid or Megan Fox but but also serve like Mother Teresa okay but and and and so I want her to love to work out because I like to look at people who love to work out and so you throw-in that stuff in there right and this is what you're thinking and you're trying to mix up the perfect woman and it leaves you looking and wanting and searching because if I'm honest as I've met with guys over the past decade here's what I there's been my big take away of what you guys are looking for you don't know what you're looking for you don't really know what you're looking for you're thinking oh you know I just I when I when I find it I'll have this feeling this emotional response that's what's going on like it'll be it'll be perfect it'll be just the right mix of everything chef a little bit of this a little bit of that and and everything is gonna blend together perfectly throw me into her life and we're gonna mix together perfectly and that's just not how it works and what it does is I see guys get into relationships and everything seems right but then anxiety kicks in fear kicks in cold feet kicks in all of these questions begin to consume them they don't well I don't know if she's the one or if we're gonna make it work or if I should take that you know go further take that step and what if what if I could help you tonight what if I could give you from the Scriptures the things to look for in a woman just to keep it really simple hey here's some things that you can look for in a woman so this evening we're talking about the fantasy girl as we move through this series called fantasy finding real love in a fake world and the reason we say finding real love in a fake world is because that's the big felt need that everybody came in here with everybody's listening with you want to be loved you want to experience love you want to give love but the problem is is the world says hey this is how you do that they have no idea what they're talking about they're awful at it they're really really really bad at it and yet they're your teachers be it social media be attender be it movies be it TV shows be it airbrushed magazines it's fake and it leaves you not knowing what you're looking for and you end up thinking about a wife like she's a smoothie with all the perfect ingredients in there and you don't even know what ingredients you're looking for I'll say in a different way kind of throwback to last week you're looking for the wrong ingredients and so what can we do about it I want you to know I understand like I empathize with you when I was looking for a wife I mean here's the truth about where I was that wasn't in a relationship with Jesus I was entrenched into an addiction to pornography and sex I love doner the strip clubs so what did I want in a wife I wanted someone who looked like a porn star who I could tolerate like honestly like I could just put up with her and I think the reason I say that is I think that's a lot of you men you came in here you've been brainwashed by the same teacher I was and it you may not say it like I did but subconsciously that's what you want you want someone who's hot by your standards and that you can tolerate and that's going to lead to tragedy disaster despair divorce and a lot of hurt and it may just leave you keep you might just keep looking and looking and looking and looking I want you to know men marriage is a good thing proverbs 18 verse 22 says he who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord and so if you are here are you're listening and you are well and you want a wife find one like find one I want to help you like we could do this before you go home - the highlight is I'm telling you we can make it super simple all right we'll just do some arranged marriages mix it up it's gonna be awesome but you got to start by knowing what you're looking for and so I think the scripture is going to do this so we're talking about the fantasy girl and it's interesting because there's a scripture an entire chapter of the Bible dedicated to the fantasy girl or the gold standard if you will do you know what it was what it is proverbs 31 proverbs 31 woman I probably reference proverbs 31 50 times in the past 10 years and I've never taught this text in the way that we're going to do it tonight verse by verse looking at it and it's really an interesting text because you know who wrote it so it says King Lemuel King Lemuel there's some debate around this but leading scholarship believes that there was no King Lemuel of Israel we see note that we don't see that in history which should encourage you because the other kings we see in history the history book show us who they were we don't see this one King Lemuel means devoted to God or the fruit of my vows so people think that it's Solomon talking about Solomon but it says really who wrote it is actually King Lemuel mom which would be Bathsheba and so this scripture would be have written by Bathsheba and here's why it's a loving mother a wise mother giving instruction to her kid of hey this is who I'm praying that you end up with proverbs 31 verse 10 through 31 is actually at a poem it's an acrostic and so there's 22 letters in the Hebrew alphabet every line starts with one of those letters if it was written if it was done in English it would be like you know a is for Apple B is for and so that's an acrostic as you go down it's the first letter of every letter of the Hebrew alphabet and so this is a mother giving instruction to her children hey this is what you look for and here's the promises that it makes that if you find this woman it says her husband is respected at the city gates where he takes his seat among the elders of the land every man here ladies I'm going to give you some good advice here every man here wants to feel affected he has a deep desire inside of him to feel respected and specifically when he gets married he wants to feel respected by his wife this text says hey you find the right woman and you're gonna be respected not only by her but all of the people of the land it goes on to say the promise to the woman it says that her children arise and call her blessed her husband also and he praises her many women do noble things but you surpassed them all this is the words of her husband many women do noble things but you surpassed them all and it says and then the command to the guy because this text was not written to women this text this is not the hey here's what you must be women this is hate guys here's what you should value here's what you should look for and it ends with an instruction to the men it says this honor her for all that her hands have done and let her works bring her praise at the city gates which was not something that was done in Israel and so this is extraordinary praise for an extraordinary woman it is the gold standard ladies can I tell you something for the next few minutes you're really gonna have to fight something comparison all right so let's resolve your heart right now that you you don't let it turn downward that you don't grow discouraged because there's hope in this text so hang in there with me as we move through this text that it would not beat you down and so proverbs 31 we're gonna look at seven qualities yes seven from this text I've read commentaries that listed thirty-one I let read commentaries that list of ten I looked at here I think we can we can dumb it down to seven qualities to look for as you're dating someone what is dating my friend Daniel Crawford next door he gave me this definition I love it this is assessing someone's suitability as a spouse how do I assess someone's suitability as a spouse this text men this text will help you do that verse 10 let's go a wife of noble character who can find she is worth far more than rubies where it says a wife of noble character it could also be translated in the Hebrew a capable life okay it's saying hey this thing you have to seek her out she is difficult to find but if you find her she's more valuable than rubies right up the bat you have an application man you have to find her which means you have to look for her which means you're going to have to take a risk you're going to have to get out there and search for her she is not while you're watching the Cowboys game gonna fall through the roof and land on your lap that's not going to happen all right you have to seek this woman out her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value she brings him good not harm all the days of her life and so it says right off the bat what we're looking for one of the qualities you are looking for someone who was faithful that's the first quality faithful you can write that down she should be faithful now let's make that practical what does that mean it means she's trustworthy it means that she does what she says she's going to do you can ask yourself that question what does she do how do I know if she's faithful what does she do what she says she's going to do does she use her words to build up does she gossip because that breaks trust and you have to trust this woman this is your life partner we're talking about like a marriage has to be built on trust if there is no trust there is no marriage and so this woman should be known for her integrity you know this is true if you've ever been in an untrustworthy relationship it is miserable I've been in one you guys are not in your head getting whiplash back there trying to watch it is terrible okay causes you so much pain you feel trapped in a prison but you can't get out right and so this is a big problem it's really interesting Fox News two weeks ago actually asked me to write a response an article about this girl who made a list of 22 things that our boyfriend had to do did anybody see this okay and so like here's yeah here's a picture of this this list and so it's like hey you not to have single girls numbers if i text you you have to get back you have to respond within ten minutes if i catch you with another girl i will kill you okay Wow she says you can't hang out with these particular friends all right I'm looking at that so I read it they say hey we want you to write a response to this I'm reading I'm like man my response is that that relationship is no longer intact hey the way they found this list is this guy traded in his car and whoever got the car the list was still in there he posted it on the internet said oh this poor soul and it went it went mega viral like worldwide viral and so they said hey respond to this and I said listen that that marriage is doomed because there's no trust there that's not healthy you have to be able to trust each other now listen let me say this to you guys just because you don't trust her doesn't mean she's not trustworthy little subtle rumble there mmm a lot of it hey just listen during this message let's not elbow each other point okay don't do that just because you don't trust her doesn't mean she's not trustworthy it may be your issue you may not be trustworthy trustworthy untrustworthy people don't trust people that's that's a fact untrustworthy people don't trust people because they're afraid that someone's gonna do to them what they're already doing behind their back and so I'm talking about if you have evidence or proof that they she is not trustworthy or she is not faithful and so if she's faithful how does she care for her home verse 13 she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands flax is mature used to make a really fine linen and witch says she's eager to use her hands what it's actually saying is she enjoys it like she finds joy out of doing these things in context it says she is the she is like the merchant ships bringing her food from afar which is such a beautiful text because what it's saying is she's like the people people who are around her like the people standing at the docks and when food comes in from all of these lands it's exciting things it's things they've never seen they saying that when you sit down to a meal that she's made you don't know what it is you don't know what to expect it could be anything she's not serving you hamburger helper like she's coming up with creative things which I just love that that's in the text he says she gets up while it is still night she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants what this text is saying is she's able to assess the needs of her family and so my second quality to look for is is she attentive to the needs of her home attentive to the needs of her home this is something that you're going to want in someone that you're going to spend the rest of your life with what does that mean practically speaking it's talking about her caring for her family does she love children you're like well how do I know if she loves children well she wants to be around in you know I haven't maybe said I'm gonna keep sewing I just love their kids you know love love when they're around the why is that important well because a huge part of marriage is raising children and what I've seen in the generations that are my generation and the generation behind me Gen Z is we get self-absorbed and selfish and we start to think you know I don't kids kind of get in the way I mean I do weddings sometimes we're talking with people that like well you know yeah we're gonna travel the world and then we'll have kids I'd like what I would tell you is travel the world now because marriage is about family and what God's view of kids is is he says they're a blessing from the Lord have lots of them that's what the Lord says and so if you don't view kids as a blessing you don't view children like God does and you should consider that now listen if you can't have kids that's not a disqualifier at all you can adopt you can decide I've got a friend in ministry that he and his wife they never had children but they have poured their life into millions literally millions of kids that's a life well-lived and so what does it look like to love children's this woman has skills you know to make a house a home homemaker is such like it has negative connotation today I reject that because I think God's Word rejects that it is a compliment it is a gift and and so here's the encouragement to you ladies is if you're like out there you're like yeah but that's not me you know and say this is a great time to work on those skills it's not a non-negotiable for you I'll just say like my wife she doesn't love to cook it's if she has a ton of gifts like a long list of gifts cooking's not like on the first couple pages and so we eat out a lot and that's okay I like to eat out and so we got a budget we stick to it it works we've got a great marriage and so I'm not don't don't be discouraged if that's not you but this is something that is straight from this proverb and so I'm putting it before you and so right now there's some women in the room like ah but you know he's against you know working outside the home and you know there's no no not at all no this woman works outside the home this this text goes out of its way to show that this woman works us I thought she works outside the home she works inside the home she does a lot of work that's this woman proverbs 31 here but let me show you that she works outside the home it's 16 she considers a field and buys it out of her earnings she plants a vineyard she sets about her work vigorously her arms are strong for her tasks and so men what you're looking for a woman with big arms okay that's gonna be important she she sees that her trading is profitable and her lamp does not go out at night in her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle for her fingers a distaff is something for for sewing or knitting and then also in verse 24 says she makes linen garments and sells them and supplies the merchants with sashes this lady is getting after it she has jobs upon jobs outside the home okay that's the truth and so my third quality that you're looking for that you would consider is that she's not lazy that she's not lazy she's going to have to do a lot of work many here's why because being married to you is a lot of work and I know from experience being married to me is that a lot of work okay a lot of work and so it's listen marriage is hard you got you guys ever heard that marriage is hard you ever heard that anybody's sick of hearing that I'm so sick of hearing how marriage how hard is let me tell you the truth we'd say the truth life is hard that's the truth I mean let me talk to you for a minute men life is hard that's why you need to help her that's what the scripture calls a wife a helper okay I tell you something before you get offend and walk out it's what the scripture calls the Holy Spirit God a helper and do you know why you need to help Herman because we need help that's that simpler right we're just some dudes they need some help and so God and his kindness is like hey let me help you I will not only give you my Holy Spirit to help you but I will create a amazing beautiful creature that is as incredible in the way that he's wired her to come alongside you and so you know it's going to be important that that she is not lazy because the job before you and it's not just marriage it's life is hard like I've got a hard job you know I love my job I love where I work I love who I work with but I write a term paper every week I I listen to in the form of a sermon I listen to people's problems every day you know there's there's some difficulty to it let me try some I wouldn't trade my wife for her job not for one second I am I am not one of the Jews like my job's harder than hers though her job is so much harder than mine it's so much harder than mine and so as you think about marriage you need to know what the job is in order to find the person that you're gonna partner with okay like let me just tell you because I know you think it well you know I just want someone who's fun and hot I was this actually comes from the book if you've read it and and so when I was in high school and this huge crush with his girl in my class will call her Kelly it's a made-up name and and we were we were being partnered up guys and girls being partnered up and so I'm sitting there and the teachers going around and I'm like please please put me with Kelly please I'm like I don't even believe in god oh my god please put me with Kelly and and at the time and I believe in God now just in case you were wondering big big fan of God and and so she's going around and she's like okay with you Jeff and Elizabeth all right we're gonna do John and Jennifer and then she's all right we'll do Jonathan and Kelly in like yes and and because I was attracted to Kelly she was attractive and and and the assignment was yeah I just didn't consider what the assignment was the assignment was we were going to dissect frogs and and Kelly was cute but she hated frogs especially the dead kind and and she didn't want to touch them at all and that was challenging because I wasn't very good at biology and I was really hoping that she was gonna be smart and you know and so now we are in this partnership and she's not very good at the assignment and that describes more than half of the marriage as I see I just chose someone I didn't consider what the assignment was right I just were hoping they would be good at sex not the 99.4% of all the other stuff we talked about last week that the sex if you have a lot of it a lot of it is 0.6 percent of the time what about the ninety nine point four percent of all the other stuff you want to make sure that you both are good at that it's interesting like we make so much decisions I'm talking to you guys so much decisions around sex I just think that's true in dating and a big driver for that is like I want her to be attractive is sex better with attractive people don't answer out loud I mean just just think about it I'm just gonna let you think about it she opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy another quality my fourth quality that marks this woman is that she's tender to the needs of others keep in mind this is the gold standard all right these are not all non-negotiables these are good ideas if they're there this is what a mother prayed for her son she's tender to the needs of others and so is she tendered the needs JP how would I know I don't does she text encouraging things to people when they need it does she lift their spirits is she writing notes is she is she thinking about the needs of others around her does does she desire to give is she serving right this is so big is she's serving that's like half the battle she involved in a church and serving there giving of her time there this issue G comes from Genesis chapter 24 here's what's going on Abraham you guys heard of Abraham Abraham is looking for a wife for his son Isaac and so what he does and we can learn a lot from this he gets his servant Eliezer and he says hey I want you to go and find my son a wife right now this is crazy that that Eliezer can find Isaac a wife when they haven't met or anything because he knows what he's looking for that's the difference between us and them see in Bible times you literally just you literally could just leave the house with a list you could go up to somebody like check check check check I do you know I mean you could do that then right and we we've complicated things since then and so Eliezer at leaves and he's looking and he's like so where does he go he goes where servants hang out he goes to the well and he prays he says Lord would you send someone to me who is a servant who would not only give me water but also water my camels now a well in those times there was like a flights of stairs that went into the ground it was hard work to fill up buckets of water and then walk you know those those stories of stairs and then Rebekah comes up and says here's some water and let me go and also get some for your camels and so he's looking for someone who serves he goes to where servants go and he chooses someone who served this is such a novel idea and and then they get married and it was that simple why is it not that simple anymore gotta have chemistry JP chemistry so important my bride she has this in spades super sensitive to the needs of others like she goes she comes into a room it's it's like her superpower okay she's a kindergartner teacher a kindergarten teacher and she she just like walks into a room and she finds the most vulnerable person and just moves to them it's like a magic trick she does like whether it's a baby or an elderly person or someone who had a bad day I mean she can just smell it from across the room and move to him and just love on them and encourage them like crazy I mean she is nurturer through and through and so we you know we are marriage faced a really big challenge this year I mean probably one of the biggest challenges in 14 years of marriage we got a puppy and and so just I thought you know we're let the puppy inside it's gonna be all good and I didn't consider how nurturing she is and she you know she likes to put ice in the bowl and make sure the waters you know of a good temperature and that it's comfortable and that the TV's on when we're not there so they're entertained and and I'm that's all lost on me I'm like we're not doing any of that you know we're not no okay fine and and so it you know and I'm J if I'm honest with you if I'm just putting it all out there I'm jealous of the dog I'm like stop sewing her so much attention you know I'm over here you know and and I know that I need a little bit more of that in my life like I think Christ would walk into a room I know he would in fact and be finally in tune with the greatest needs and moved to the person who is most vulnerable and so you know are they tender to the needs of others they tend to the needs of others are they tender to the needs of others it goes on to say verse 21 when it snows she has no fear for her household for all of them are clothed in scarlet she makes coverings for her bed she is clothed in fine linen and purple I want to focus on the clothed in scarlet and she's clothed in fine linen and purple and she makes coverings for her bed and so this is kind of a strange one but if I just I see it clearly in the text and so number five s feet okay anybody heard of this word aesthete I hadn't either is is she a steet here's what it means it's where we get the word aesthetics does she care about making things pretty and you're like really that's like on the list of Nanako dude it's from proverbs 31 all right you argue with the scripture but but here's why I think the Holy Spirit preserve this text for thousands of years so that we can read it and apply it to our lives a day it's because if I'm honest like is I just think through the the the the sexes and the genders and the roles that we play you know a lot of guys don't care if things are pretty and gods like I like things to be pretty I'm a creator and so if you're gonna have a home I want things to be pretty guys are kind of like function or form over I'm sorry function over form like we just want things to work right and we don't care if they're pretty and girls are like no I want it to work and I want it to look good right and and so you you make your home pretty and so you know that if you think I'm lying right like you know that you went to some guy's apartment and and you had to go to the bathroom and you went somewhere else you're like I am NOT going in there it is a biological experiment in there and I'm not I'm not setting foot in his bed that he's growing mold in there right and that's just what some guys do and I'm telling you these aren't not non-negotiables and so Monica and I had the opportunity to build a house and you know people will walk in is like oh is that Monica oh did she do and like no that was me and so I tend to be the one in the relationship that cares more about this and so that's okay like if that's where you're at you're your finding balance you know how God made you how God wired you up and you're you're looking for someone to complement that and so that's alright again these aren't non-negotiables not not all of them anyways and so it says she is clothed with strength and dignity she can laugh at the days to come she speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue she watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness another quality is she's sensible in preparation that's number six she is sensible in preparation sensible means chosen in accordance with wisdom she makes choices according to the knowledge that she has it says that she speaks with wisdom she's closed in strength and dignity and he says that she can laugh at the days to come because she's prepared so she looks at the challenge that they're facing she has a plan for that she's prepared for that and she watches over the affairs of her household she is not idle she shows care for the future this Olcott also comes from verse 18 where says her lamp does not go out at night like the Virgin's who who stopped preparing and they let their lamps go out in the New Testament that that phrase in the Hebrew lamps do not go out at night means she's prepared she has a plan now I'm not saying you know that that she's OCD I'm not saying that you know she's super high-strung like constantly planning I'm just saying that she's not given to you know manis and pedis and happy hours and and spray-tanning over actually getting ready for what she needs to be getting ready for like being aware of what is coming at her and this preparedness it leads to confidence says she laughs at the days to come and so on our kitchen table you walk into my house at any given time and right there on the kitchen table is is is my wife's chair and on her chair is a purse in in the chair is her Bible study bag which is like books and books and then and on the table is an old school calendar that she buys every January from Barnes and Noble and and she at night we put the kids down she sits down in that chair and she just goes to work man she's got colored markers she's got a marker for every color of her thoughts you know and and just like writin down on Tuesday Tuesday you're going where you're traveling okay and you're speaking okay and then and then Thursday what we doing this weekend we got soccer games in this and she just you know marking stuff up grabbing the yellow and the red and the green and and she just doesn't every night I'm so glad she does because I'm awful at that and so here in Dallas it's been raining since 2012 and so and so we've like rescheduled all over the soccer games the kids soccer games basically we have to play a whole season of soccer games in in two weeks that's a true story and so that's just meant that's changed everything so the Sun came out and so did soccer games and so she's just writing okay we can't do that we got a soccer game soccer game saga it's like playing Tetris moving this stuff around but she's great at it and it's it's so helpful and so I'm not saying that your wife can't be spontaneous I'm not saying she can't be artsy and fun but I am saying that what this mama prayed for her son is that he would find someone who's sensible in preparation and then it says verse 30 charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting my daughters say this verse every day to me before they get out of the car for school charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised I love what the author is doing here they juxtapose chemistry with the fear of God and and so you say what does the Bible value I would say the Bible values the fear of God infinitely times more than chemistry that's the truth and I use infinitely more that's Nadia I'm not even over speaking like I can say a hundred times more a thousand more infinitely times more the Bible values the wisdom of God and the Holy Spirit values the fear of God over chemistry so my seventh quality is she yielded to God ladies I want you to be encouraged because this is really the only one that's a non-negotiable yeah the other ones are they're nice to have they they may help you be prepared but as I said last week what if it's as simple as finding the most godly person you can being the most godly person you can and finding the most godly person you can and marrying them what if it's that simple what if we've complicated things and so number seven they have to be yielded to God here's what that means is there's people listening right now here in Dallas and Fort Worth El Paso Tulsa and driving in their car streaming on the internet sitting in their apartment and you don't even know God and you're not dateable and you're not marriage material followers of Jesus should run from you as fast as they can unless they seeking to share the gospel with you and even in that I'd encourage you to find someone of the same sex and so what you need to do the good news is it's it's it's very simple what you need to hear is that Jesus Christ that God loves you so much he sent His only Son Jesus Christ to this earth to die for your sins to pay the price for your sins so that you don't have to go to hell and pay the price for your sins your sins have been paid for on the cross and their God to show His infinite power he raised his son Jesus from the dead it really happened that's how he became the single most notorious character in the history of history he rose from the dead Paul says there's 500 people who saw him they're still alive go ask them he writes to the Corinthians and when we trust in him that he died for our sins God raised him from the dead his Holy Spirit comes in our lives and here's the other good news ladies what that Holy Spirit does is it makes you godly so if you're sitting out there and you're like man I'm just not there I'm not perfect you don't need to be perfect you have a savior who's perfect and His Holy Spirit is working inside of you to one day complete you so that you would be perfect before Christ until then you live in an imperfect world and you don't need to be perfect guys I'm talking to you now gentlemen I'm talking to you you're not looking for perfect you're looking for practical you're not looking for someone who's perfectly made for you because she doesn't exist because you are so messed up you're looking for someone who practically complements you so that you can marry and serve God together they love God you love God you come together you love God together and you raise children to love God you you have them you adopt them you disciple them however you can this is God's plan for the world at some point we moved away from it when do we move away from it when did our selfishness infiltrate this plan how are we more happy no are we happier no are we more depressed yes are we despairing more yes or we are suicide rates that are all-time high yes they are what if we just went back to the basics what if we just started to learn from the Creator we went back to his design and we said okay I'm gonna scrub out all the trash that Hollywood taught me and I'm just gonna go back to this listen my wife and I we weren't following Christ when we met we were idiots I was a bigger idiot than she was but both of us were not following Christ and around the same time God in His mercy introduced us to him to introduce us to him through His Son Jesus Christ and our lives began to radically change and marriage was not an option for us until they knew whatever they should look like before then we would get together we'd break up we get together we'd break up I love you I hate you you walk home I never want to see you again you did what with who when where why talking to me and then God came into our lives and began to sanctify us that is making him like making us like him and as we began to pursue him together he did a work in our relationship and this work is available to you men you're not looking for the perfect you're looking for practical chemistry biblically speaking how is them how important is chemistry it's not some of you you haven't experienced chemistry men because you've experienced chemistry with thousands of two-dimensional images on your iPhone for the past six years or sixteen years and so chemistry's long terms not available to you you need to get well gentlemen you need to heal you need to return to the gospel but if you are well and you desire marriage it is available to you there are godly women all around you right now just because she's here doesn't mean she's godly but I know there are godly women all around you sitting in front of you and beside you and behind you take notice and so I get it all the time let me just address this so I was like what if I'm not attracted to her what if I'm not attracted to her your friend friend told me last week lovingly just said you know I feel like you're saying like if I'm dating someone who's godly like they're really godly they have a god-fearing heart but I just not feeling it I break up I feel like you're saying something's wrong with me and so here's how I responded to that that's exactly what I'm saying there's something wrong with you it's called sin what's wrong with all of us and we're not attracted to yet the things that God is attracted to in 1st Samuel 16 he says I do not look at the outer appearance I look at the heart I'm attracted to the heart and so you say what do I do am I just supposed to marry them no absolutely not no no you break up and you work on you and you you go and you say God why am I not attracted to the things that you're attracted to would you grow me spiritually to the point where I would be attracted to the things that you're attracted to right what what role does chemistry or attraction play in an arranged marriage which is our example in biblical times I know it's not much today anymore but in biblical times Eliezer you know Isaac had never seen Rebekah he didn't have a choice whether he was physically attracted to her or not he just entrusted that huge decision to someone else because that someone knew what they were looking for gentlemen you got to know what you're looking for it says in verse 31 honor her for all that her hands have done and let her works bring her praise at the city gate honor her to love and to cherish we say at a wedding honor her okay what if I'm not attracted you have to you're ready gentlemen there's the answer that question you have to be able to cherish her if you can't cherish her don't waste her time for two seconds but for the rest of your life you have to be able to choose to cherish her because there will be times when she's not attractive to you there will be times where you don't find her attractive that's the truth she's not gonna find you attractive either on days seasons months at a time that's going to happen but you have to choose to cherish her in those moments in fact there was there's a ballet guy are they called ballerinas - they are you should sure okay because it's going on the podcast and I don't it's like forever on there okay bow dude ballerina that's what they're called and and he said he just said hey ballet is about the woman and he said my job as her partner is to highlight her he said to make the beautiful more beautiful and he said she's amazing on her own but with me she can fly higher and people come to see her display the the art and the beauty and when I say cherish man that's what I'm talking about that you would get with that woman and that you would highlight her beauty because you know who's beautiful a woman who is well loved as beautiful when someone is loved well they become more beautiful and more beautiful and more beautiful George Strait was right and he said you look so good in love and that was George Strait right okay good I thought it was ludicrous but no he's a fantasy guy anyway here's the reality you show me a woman who's been loved well and I will show you someone who is beautiful and so if you want to be married to someone who's hot gentlemen you marry someone and you love them like crazy you cherish them that's the truth that's the reality I've seen a lot of beautiful women jump into marriages and fade like flowers cut from their source because they didn't marry cherishing husbands and so what's not in this list right age isn't in this list she's yeah but it doesn't value if she's older than you she may be an amazing wife it does is she a virgin doesn't say does she have kids or some amazing women here who had children that would be incredible lives to you can she have kids a stunt that's not on the list is she a good kisser it's dumb I know you're gonna laugh cuz it's stupid does she come from a good family what does she look like none of this stuff's on there are you asking the right questions I know you think through the lens of sex I get it i'ma do too here let me let me say some crazy if if she has all of these things but y'all can't even have sex you can't experience intimacy your marriage is going to be better than if she has none of these things but she's amazing in bed get your head around that that's true he said well how do you know I talked to a lot of people they'll talk to pastors about anything in summary is she faithful is she attended to the needs of her home is she not lazy is she tender to the needs of others is she asleep is she sensible in preparations and is she yielded to God [Applause] and hey that's a fantasy girl that last one that's the most important one you get that last one that's the non-negotiable there's other things those are good now you take them need a little more a little less you're mixing up this moon give me more of that the less that those things you you know they you know you want her to be faithful right they're not all created equal okay you might be able to get by with her not being a steeped right but but she needs to be yielded to God and then to find someone yielded to God you need to be yielded to God right that's the truth it's it's funny we just think about this all wrong that guy was making that smoothie up there I'm like dude I don't want anything to do with that right I'm out on that he mixes it up and he he pours me a little Dixie cup and hands them out to my kids and to me and and I'm like I don't even want I'm like with my nine-year-old she's like I'm not drinking that I'm like I'm not either I'm with you and and the guys like no just taste it not sure I was like oh my gosh that's amazing but when did you sneak in like a pound of sugar or something like what it was incredible like all I saw you put in there with stuff that's good for me I didn't and that's like you want her to be fun and attractive but if you go after the things that are good for marriage the fun and the attractive is gonna come it might surprise you but if you go after the fun and attractive and chemistry as the top priority and you leave out those other things it's gonna mess you up your marriage is gonna die before it started and if you don't believe me look behind you not literally behind you I mean like like look at your past dating life and what you value then how did that work out guys would you just consider if I'm right don't even don't even stoop to consider if I'm right would you consider if he's right God loves you he knows he wants something from you I'm not just saying like don't just hear me say hey suck it up and eat your vegetables that's not what I'm saying I'm saying hey you start your list with what God values if you do that you're gonna be okay you're gonna be okay guys I know you're confused I know you've believed lies but guys if you're well and you want to get married I can help you I'd love to help you let me pray father thank you for just loving us enough to even care about these little things who we would partner with God as we consider the ingredients that we would seek out would you just help us in our foolishness to love what you love to long for what you long for to seek what you seek out in us really the things that you create in us God by the power of your Holy Spirit you're the King of Hearts you direct them wherever you please and so Lord would you be the king of our hearts and would you direct them to someone whose heart you already have and help us to live out your will in Jesus name Amen

Channel: The Porch

Views: 41,553

Rating: 4.8982301 out of 5

Keywords: the, porch, dallas, watermark, church, young, adults, christian, christianity, ministry, movement, jp, todd, wagner, david, marvin, jonathan, fort, worth, ft, el, paso, fantasy, dating, series, marriage, single, engaged, married, lust, sex, desire, women, men, girl, babe, hot, perfect, proverbs, 31, biblical, qualities, godly, woman

Id: o-4qpgCobE0

Length: 53min 11sec (3191 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 11 2018