How to Lose at Love in 10 Ways | David Marvin

[Music] [Music] all right let's go welcome friends to the room friends and Fenix in The Woodlands El Paso Nashville Mint Hill Austin Texas Houston Texas wherever you were joining and listen in all the live locations and everybody that is here hey we are continuing the series roaring 20s tonight we are going to talk about relationships dating how to make sure that you don't set yourself up on one of the biggest arenas of life to experience paying in the next 10 years of your life let me start by asking this question what is the greatest romantic comedy of all time the notebook is that a comedy it's such a tragedy you guys laugh more what else what is it alright I heard it I'm gonna go on record I think the greatest romantic comedy of all time is How to Lose a Guy in 10 days you guys remember this with Kate and Matthew McConaughey 2003 the dress that set off a thousand prom dresses across the room and across the world if you don't know the story let me catch you up and if this is all going somewhere by the way just not me getting off my chest my favorite rom-com but the story is this so Kate was a columnist she was working for this magazine think like you know Cosmo only didn't name it that because of copyright but she's working for this magazine she's got an assignment in the column hey I want you to write a article or a column on How to Lose a Guy in 10 days he's got to make and fall in love with you and then how to get out of that relationship in 10 days and then at the same time Matthew is like doing some diamond deal where he basically finds himself in order to get a job he had to convince his boss hey I can sell anything including myself in his bosses alright and they're at the same party coincidentally his boss looks over sees blondie says hey I want you to go and make blondie that's not what she says make her fall in love with you and he's like challenge accepted so now they've got this irrespective she's gonna try to get him to lose or to you know drop him like a top he's gonna find a way to make her fall in love and Kate Hudson then goes into this relationship and does all the iconic things that you would think a girl would do to try to make a guy be like man this is just too much you were way too extra I'm out of here so that included things like getting a dog very quickly into the relationship it's like oh they got a dog named princess which is one of the more ugly dogs you've ever seen Burberry and all included her getting a coming over during the poker night with the game if you remember this moment well she's there there she is wiping his nose all the guys are over included the famous love fern remember this that he let die and then claimed no it was sleeping I mean there's some genius moments in the entire thing and then finally they end up meeting at that party and if you know the story I won't go into all of it but eventually they decide that they do want to be together and she doesn't write the column that she would have thought of and there they are with the iconic moment on the bridge she doesn't go to Chicago for the job and just greatest rom-com of all time it's one of those movies that there's somewhat part of us that loves it because it's like oh man just this idea that these starstruck lovers that even though they weren't trying to make it work there was something inside of them that just couldn't keep them apart in this amazing love story it really resonates because all of us want to have this love story that no matter the imperfections and the challenges and the journeys that we go along we hope that one day we're gonna just kind of bump into that person and there they are and Here I am and it's gonna work together and we're gonna make it last forever and yet we live in a culture that does anything but that or a culture where love that lasts I mean marriages that not just stay together but where two people come and they really love each other they really enjoy being with one another they share the same values where they don't end up in divorce is increasingly rare I mean let alone that the stat of like 40 to 50% of marriages end up in divorce and yet how many marriages even the ones that don't end up just in a loveless sexless unromantic life and the God who's there doesn't want that to be your story he doesn't want that to be my story and you may not know this like if you came in the room and you're like man I would love to be in love someday and in a marriage and I would love that to be a part of my story good news is statistically like 75 percent of you will experience that by the age of 35 and if even further good news is that the God who is there he wants you to experience a romance and a marriage that exceeds any romantic comedy that is out there beyond anything and that you could even hope for yourself he is committed and desires you to experience that but in culture though they put up this lofty idea of like men this would be amazing we celebrate that romantic comedy we also have sold a bunch of lies that many of us have believed many of us are living out and they are keeping you from experiencing the type of love that you want so what I want to talk about tonight we're gonna fly through I'm gonna cover 10 things you take notes are gonna be 10 things about how to lose it love and 10 ways how to lose it love and 10 ways over the next 10 years listen to me very closely you most likely will decide the person you're gonna spend the rest of your life with think about that among the decisions that are most going to impact your life few if any other than who you're gonna trust as Lord and Savior are gonna be more important than who you marry and covenant your life to and there are some real clear things that cultures saying hey this is how you should date and if you date that way you can be sure you will lose it love in the next 10 years and you'll lose it love and these 10 ways so we're gonna fly through I'm gonna cover each of them for the next like 30 minutes so we're gonna go through very quickly how to lose it love this is kind of a high-level what not to do we've done lots of dating series so you can go check out any of those on the porch app if you're interested in finding out more of the kind of proactive things to do this is like hey you need to avoid these landmines because if not you're gonna lose it love and next 10 years if your love life looks like one of these ten ways alright so the first one in fact let me just read all of them up top alright so I'll just fly through them hey here's 10 ways to lose it love in the next 10 years date for fun make exceptions if they're exceptional play married search for the best jump from relationship to relationship focus on chemistry over character project past hurts isolate your relationship have sex when you're ready believe love is something that you fall into we could close in prayer right there descending alright let me go through them a little bit slower Dave for fun what I would say Dave for fun why is dating for fun a bad idea this is the idea or what does this look like this looks like dating is just kind of for sport I'm not really ready to get married yet but I also don't love not having anything to do on a Friday night I'd love to have somebody paying for my meals every now and then that kind of sounds fun and let's be honest attention from the opposite sex that's pretty cool and so you're just in that season were you dating for fun you're not really interested in settling down you're kind of playing the field you got 16 dating apps you're swiping on tinder why and how could that be a bad idea the Bible says in proverbs chapter 4 verse 23 solomon why is this man who ever lived above everything else it says guard your heart protect your heart for it is the wellspring of life that wellspring of life just means everything you do in life flows from your heart and Psalm is like hey I wrote a lot of Proverbs we were to please these Song of Solomon that was pretty cool but above everything else I've ever written I want you listen Solomon would say protect your heart why is it a bad idea to casually date because in doing so you are training yourself to give your heart away to give small parts of your heart away to give large parts of your heart away and you were training yourself to break up and do and experience something God never intended your heart to experience that break up and everything you do in life flows from your heart and so every time you casually date and you give a little bit of a way you were giving away a part of your heart and it's gonna impact the next relationship and your future marriage and Solomon is gonna say it's gonna impact all of your life do not be a fool and it is foolish to casually date you were training yourself not from marriage but for divorce I mean just like practically think about it I get in a relationship we're kind of together we have all these mixed emotions we fool around we hook up and then we break up you're experiencing something God never intended you to experience you know dating is a relatively new invention it's like less than a hundred years old or around a hundred years old but people have been driving a car in flying planes about the same length of time that they've been dating and we really haven't mastered this craft so if the world around us says manager stayed around kind of figure out what you like you were taking your cue and advice and it's gonna end up with you experiencing losing at love in the next 10 20 years ten ways it's the first one dating around dating just for sport the truth is and this time you should be selective if you're not ready to get married you should not date if you're not ready to get married like in the next 12 months you should not date second one make exceptions if they are exceptional make exceptions if they are exceptional now we are just getting up in people's business this looks like you're at work you got that coworker he's a cute guy you're hanging out and he's like oh you know what are you doing this afternoon you go on a date you begin to talk about you know faith and it's important to you and you're trying to grow in your spiritual walk you ask him is he the faith or where's he happen that and he describes something of like no not really but I'm not opposed to coming to church and you begin to go oh man you know it but he's such a great guy he's so nice he's so kind and he's open to coming to church I mean he's not a Christian or he's not following Jesus but he's open to coming with me I could be a good source of light in his life or it looks like you been you know the person who's like I'm gonna make exceptions because I think this is exceptional you know circumstance and I've been dating this guy and you know he cheated on his girlfriend with me and we started dating but he wouldn't cheat on me like that because you know we are totally different or you're the guy maybe you're dating a girl and and you know people are like dude have you looked at her Instagram like every other picture is her puttin her cleavage out and the shortest dress that you could ever see and just doesn't seem like she's a girl who wants to be known for godly qualities and and you're like yeah you know but you know she dresses that way but it's because she's a cheerleader dude you have to in order to you don't get get the job we just say this if any relationship that you're in includes you saying something like yes but you should get your butt out of that relationship I'm couldn't be more serious there's not a more significant human relationship that you're gonna have then your marriage or your wife or your husband and you thinking man I'm gonna make an exception here because they seem to be pretty exceptional here's what I know you are not going to be the exception to the rule you will be a statistic and you're gonna lose it love in ten ways the Bible says that the qualities that you should look for in a person our character someone who fears the Lord proverbs chapter 31 verse 30 says charm is deceptive like hey man they just seemed like they got charisma like being around in this connection beauty is fleeting but a woman or a man who fears the Lord that means they know God they walk with Him they live in light of knowing and walking with God they are worthy to be praised honor them for all that their hands have done and let their works bring praise at the city gate or like in the community proverbs 14 verse 1 says the wise woman builds her house you could have the wise man like someone who's wise this is who you should look for the wise man wise woman build their house build it up but with her own hands the foolish one tears it down Solomon says two types of people in the world you got people who are wise no God walk with him there gonna be someone that if you let into your life you marry that person you're gonna have a house one day a family one day that's all built up then there's the homewrecker there fool they don't know God they don't walk with him he literally says wrecks their home he says you need to decide what are you gonna look for and if you're making exceptions because you think they're exceptional you're gonna end up with a homewrecker and you're not gonna win it love you're gonna lose it love in the second one third idea play married what do I mean by play married this means we live together we sleep together we we've moved in we think the next step in our relationship is moving in and kind of exploring like is this something that could long-term work out let me just first say I get why this is such an appealing thing like rent is expensive you're spending a lot of time together some of you are listening right now and you're like yeah but you know what I'm spending the night over there a lot anyways I got a lot of my stuff over there we might as well move in save on rent my roommates all moved out I mean what am I supposed to go what do you want me to live it just makes sense and we're ready to take the next step in our relationship we need to see I even have parents telling me some of you may say hey before you get engaged you guys should probably like live together a little bit and see if this is something that you're really sure you want to move forward in why would that be a bad idea the Bible says in Hebrews chapter 11 I'm sorry Hebrews chapter 13 verse 4 marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed or having sex should be kept pure just for marriage God will judge the adulterer and they sexually immoral if you're living together having sex together giving your heart away you're not honoring marriage you're not preparing yourself for marriage and you were setting yourself up to lose in the third way at love what do I say you're not preparing yourself for marriage like here's what living together is in case in case you think this is like this will prepare us for marriage when you live together and you're in a dating relationship you're basically going like it's more of a combination of your college roommate and a sex partner then it is a marriage sure sigh God do we sleep together kind of pay half the bills I'll pay half the bills and we can have sex you're not walking through what it looks like to walk through infertility you're not getting up in the middle of the night with kids you know like saving up for a time and income and having to work through conflict it's not preparing you for marriage statistically living together and I know this is gonna wreck a lot of people's worlds or anger a lot of people is increasing the likelihood of you getting a divorce and there's studies that have come out and they're like aw man that's not exactly clear the most recent studies that have come out have said it increases your likelihood of getting a divorce if you live together before marriage and here's why because sociologists cuz people are beginning to study like how could that be that's so counterintuitive non-christians going it's so interesting you live together before marriage that's got to be the next step how could that not increase the likelihood of you succeeding like how could it have the inverse effect and make it likely that you're gonna end up breaking up and sociologists have term the leading reasons why they think it's because whenever you're going to live together you kind of slide into marriage versus deciding to get married let me explain like this like you end up getting a house you're there or like we're moving in we're splitting rent and you begin to make decisions that kind of yoke and intertwine your life together that make it harder to decide I don't think this should keep going forward you get a phone bill and you're like man this is too high let's share our phone plan you get a phone plan together and you're now you're living together you're sharing your AT&T phone plan then you're like you know what I saw these puppies at the park I think we should get a dog you bringing home a dog named princess a little bulldog and then you got this like more parents together and all of a sudden your life gets closer and closer and closer you cosign or on a car that you're gonna lease and step by step without even realizing it you're like I've just put so much relational equity into this and I see some red flags I'm not exactly sure they're the right person but just feels like we're already pot committed might as well get married and rather than going hey I can clearly think through this they have the qualities that I see in a person they're a godly person I will make the decision to get married you just kind of slide into marriage and they're saying that it's why there's likelier are likely the explanation for the greater divorce rate increase what is it what I mean like there's certain things in life it's okay to slide into and it's not gonna be that expensive or costly in the end like things like a subscription this happens all the time or at least happens to me like Disney Plus when that came out in Disney Plus people in room four of you guys when you have kids that's your jam man and we signed up in November got Disney Plus it was like seven-day trial and then they always get you because you put your information in and then seven days goes by and you forget oh yeah I signed up for that thing and I just kind of slid in without even realizing it now I've got a subscription still need to go in there and cancel but at the end of the day me sliding verses kind of deciding honey we're gonna get the Disney thing it's not that costly it's seven bucks a month you sliding into marriage is incredibly costly and a story that you're gonna have the story you're gonna tell your kids story that you're gonna live with you are writing right now and if it includes you living together and playing marriage you were living disobedient to the scripture you are increasing the likelihood of you getting a divorce and I know you're going hey not us that won't be our story and there may be some story out there that you're like hey my family did it my parents did it and it was okay with them being an exception to the rule doesn't mean that your parents marriage was thriving and experiencing everything God intended marriage to experience the fourth way you can ruin love in 10 ways this decade is search for the best search for the best this really applies them I guess everybody but people that are in significant relationships what does this look like today we live in a day and age where I can search for the best on virtually anything like if I want to go have the best seafood in town what do I do I pull out my phone I go to Yelp type in best seafood around then I find the top 10 list go to that one highest reviews I'm not going any three-star go to a five-star go to that five-star sit down to the restaurant then what can I do I can find out what the best food at that best restaurant is so I pull in tips and I'm looking up like all the different things that I can eat we live in a time where it's never been easier to kind of have awareness of what options are out there and selecting the best Amazon used to be a day and age where if I wanted a microwave I'd go to Sears be like hey which one of these will last you know hopefully beyond a year today I pull up Amazon and I just go highest rated and I pick it out there search for the best I'm not settling I'm an American let's do this that translates and can transfer over into the way that a lot of us think about dating without realizing it so we begin to think like dude hey you know I'm dating her she's fine there's something better that kind of annoys me a little bit and you know she's blonde I really like brunettes and and I'd be gonna go maybe there's somebody out there that's better out there so I'm gonna go find this person and I begin a search going I'm looking for someone who's the most compatible person out there and as we've said before the reason that's a bad idea is one you'll never accomplish it if you're looking for like the single most compatible person on the planet you probably won't find them statistically there in China they got a billion people over there so their odds are not in your favor there and beyond that there's always going to be something that is gonna be wrong with them just like there's always something wrong with you so searching for the best is a bad idea searching for someone who is the best qualities according to God is the best hope an option that you have searching for the best is a bad idea but searching for someone who is the best qualities that are the qualities that God says is best is your best option in proverbs 31 verse 10 it says a spouse with noble character who can find like dude that is rare they are more valuable than rubies or than wealth they are of tremendous wealth if you find them you hold on to someone who has character I remember sitting down and I remember dating my wife and I remember being in place where I was like man I just don't know like is this the person then I had a close friend that was like in a community godly guy who was like hey look so you're wondering are they the most compatible let me answer no there probably is somebody out there who's more compatible in whatever way today in this season you define compatibility they may like you know the Astros you know close to the way that you do or long suffer with the Aggies in a way that you know you do and that joke didn't make sense to anybody in here but the Aggies but you got me people or that has whatever qualifications today as you defined compatibility so yes that person is out there that's a terrible question you need to ask does this woman have the qualities and characteristics that I want to spend my life with characteristics that God says is best and if you're out there and you're dating you're like man are we the most compatible that is a bad question a better question is does this person have a character of someone they don't want to marry that all my children to be like and I want my children to be raised by the 3rd 4th 5th way you can lose at love this decade is jump from a relationship it's a relationship this one is hard because if you're this person you don't think you're this person but you're the person in the room who's always talking to somebody you're on dating apps probably right now and you are always in a relationship with someone never have time we are single and if you are single it kind of drives you nuts because you're like man I'm just trying to get back in into a relationship and there's probably something haven't done this a while really unhealthy that you're feeding through those relationships a codependency a lot of times it comes out of a need that I just need affirmation or attention from girls or just need a guy to tell me that I'm pretty there's some type of discontentment and insecurity that is in your life and if you're gently from one relationship to the next you're never healing and you're probably gonna miss out because you're not healing on becoming the type of person type of godly guy or God the girl who has the character that a godly guy or godly girl is gonna be looking for the scriptures say that contentment is a mark that through a relationship with Christ we as believers know I'm not defined by having a dating status on my Facebook not defined by having a relationship I don't need somebody to find me I know my identity is secure in Christ and I'm content Paul in Philippians chapter 4 verse 12 and 13 said I have learned the secret of being content whether I'm single whether I'm married whether I'm employed whatever the circumstance in every situation whether I'm winning and living in plenty or in want I can do all of this through Christ who gives me strength one of the qualities and characteristics of a godly spouse if you're looking for someone you should ask the question are they jumping from one relationship to the next the next the next like did we start talking when they were still dating somebody if so you should be concerned all right number six focus on chemistry over character focus on chemistry over character chemistry is like the nicest way that I could put a combination of like electricity and they got good curves and you kind of like you know just some of their personality and when you're around it's like electricity is moving back and forth between the two of you and there's just something there and we focus on that over character you are focusing on a thing that will not be a part of your relationship always and will change with different seasons in your life why do I say that chemistry really is it's kind of whether that means like hey man the sex is really good or just like you know there's butterflies constantly when I'm around her will not be something that lasts and it's strong enough to make a relationship last in other words that that won't always be there and hopefully you guys know that but think about that if that's the reason where you're like yes every time we're together it's just like such good vibes I just feel the energy that's not gonna be there like think about in dating relationships if you've ever dated somebody and you've broken up you've seen that yeah chemistry can come and go like there's somebody that when you first you're like at the movie theater moving your hand towards each other just touching pinkies and you're like and it's overwhelming and you date a little bit and then all of a sudden you're like I don't want to be in a relationship with in sport and you'll feel anything towards them you're like dude I don't care I feel nothing other than like just bitterness probably that chemistry came and it win and say with that that happens in marriage there's seasons there's times where you're going through life and it won't always be there but what will be there is character and proverbs chapter 12 verse 4 Solomon warns young men a wife of noble character is her husband's crown but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones that Solomon's nice way of saying if you have a wife that didn't have character it's gonna be like you're dying on the inside for the rest of your marriage if you a husband that doesn't have character it's gonna be like a slow death from the inside for the rest of your marriage we've said before it is so much better to be lonely and single today then lonely and married tomorrow and there Thank You priests and I do say so myself and there are a lot of people who get married and they're experiencing a even deeper loneliness in that marriage because there's no hope of man maybe someday this will be fixed and you can lose love and lose it love if you focus on chemistry over character number seven project past hurts and this one is huge if you are in a dating relationship you got to work through past hurts past hurts whether they be from family or friends or past dating relationships because if you don't practice forgiveness you're not ready to get married like marriage is one long I forgive you after I forgive you after I forgive you and it's all towards someone who deeply hurts you are you deeply loved and if you can't forgive whatever things are in a part of your story today or in your past you're not ready to move past that so you've got to deal with that baggage or else that baggage is gonna come back up again like some of us in the room we carry around stuff and you've basically like understandably you were wronged and you were really hurt and you haven't dealt with that and you haven't forgiven that person and when you carry that it's like you carry a bag of bitterness around with you and the more that you have a bag of bitterness around it makes it easier to pick up other things and put it in there like like some of us have walked through life and the things you're holding on to represent past relationships like a guy cheated on you your sophomore year of college and you don't trust people anymore and you don't so that's why you're always around with the girl cheated on you and so every time you're dating you like I need to see your phone they say right now once though exactly why I saw you talking to Sandra over there and you're like well Sandra is my cousin and and you've got to deal with it oh maybe some of the hurts again like I get it man they're all understandable they come from just family or parent or father wounds or a mom who wasn't around I may be a dad who never said that they loved you and you kind of carry that scar and it manifests itself in different ways but you've never dealt with it you've never forgiven your parents and before you take the next step you need to forgive family siblings parents I mean forgive like I have forgive you you never came to my sport games I forgive you that you were never around I forgive you that you were angry all the time and I'm choosing cos God in Christ has forgiven me and the Scriptures command me I have to extend forgiveness and I forgive you like I was forgiving others it may just be ready to trust issues in general a broken trust from friends like just that betrayed you that lied about you it lets you out to hurt you whatever this hurts are walking through and walking through I'm gonna choose to forgive I don't want to carry around the bag because if I carry that bag around I'm gonna bring it into marriage and I'm gonna I promise you you're gonna put things in that bag maybe the hardest one is gonna be working through abuse statistically one in four people in this room were abused in some way and it wasn't your fault and it wasn't right and forgiving them doesn't make it right but you're gonna carry that into marriage and it's gonna impact your love life in your sex life and your marriage life and all that and you know what that's not fair it's not but it's also true and the best gift you can give your spouse today is beginning I'm gonna work through some of the baggage I don't want to carry this anymore I don't want to bring this into my marriage cuz I know if I don't if I'm holding on to stuff now you're gonna hold on to stuff later Colossians chapter 3 verse 13 is one of tons of verses that says forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone forgive as the Lord forgave you the eighth way you can lose it love is that you can isolate your relationship if you are the only person in your life other than the person you're dating who is celebrating and excited about and knows about your dating relationship you should be concerned if you're a couple we all have seen this couple that they they come together and they start dating and it's just like they submarine they disappear and they'll resurface at some point you haven't seen them in forever they just become the couple that they only hang out with one another they're constantly around each other and if it's not a bad thing to like being with each other and like being around each other but if no one else in your life knows the relationship is celebrating the relationship if there's no godly counsel in your life or community that is celebrating the thing hey this is a good thing yeah I see you guys working well together I think this is a great relationship I celebrate that you should be concerned at best proverbs chapter 18 verse 1 says whoever isolates their relationship seeks their own desire or isolates themself they seek their own desires they break out against all sound judgment or all like rational rational wisdom they kind of lash out against that because they're like I'm gonna do what I want to do if you are isolating your relationship you should be concerned ninth way have sex when you're ready have sex when you're ready this feels like the nicest way for culture to say you know just don't be a hussy but uh you know have sex whenever you think it's best because I mean what does they mean I feel like I was born ready I like about 12 years old I was like I have I like I'm ready all right the answer all of us would give across the room and be entirely different what does that even mean hey you have sex whenever you're ready that's a terrible standard and yet if you turn on and listen to any pop culture today the most sell up are the most throttled version of sexuality is like hey I'm just waiting Colten from The Bachelor I'm waiting til I find that right person I'm then I'm in that's a terrible idea biblically it's a terrible idea because the Scriptures say that at a soul level every time you have sex with someone you are touching that person and they are touching and impacting you at the deepest part of your heart unlike any other sin in your life first Corinthians chapter 6 verse 18 says flee all sex outside of marriage all other sins a person commits or outside the body but whoever sends sexually sins against their own body do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit who is in you whom you have to receive from God you're not your own you were bought with a price therefore honor of God with your body biblically God is not anti sex she's so pro sex and dude when you get married here's what I'm comfortable married people have way more sex in you guys if you're single it's true God's not opposed to sex who wants you to experience that and because he's so pro sex he wants it to be in the confines of a marriage that is safe and secure where you don't have to put out in order for somebody to stay but where you lovingly give yourself to one another in the context of an unbreakable bond and covenant having sex when you're ready is a terrible idea having sex within marriage is a great one but if you want to lose it love you should have sex last one believe that love is something that you fall into we talk about love in a funny way you know we're like manna then I just I just fell in love and so it's like a puddle or something you kind of drifted into its unstoppable force that kind of came out of nowhere and there I was and I was just doing my life running along and then I saw her and whoa we spent time together and now all my hobbies have changed and the hills are alive with the sound of music and just fell in reason that's a really bad idea is because if you believe love is something you can fall into you also believe love is something you can fall out of the reason the divorce rate is as high as it is is because our culture believes like man I just fell out of love and so love is something you fall into and you can fall out of biblically love is not something that you fall in and fall out of it is something you live out and you particularly live it out in the context of marriage it involves acting like we have our timeline off of the timeline that most people have is like hey we dated we fell in love then we got married a better timeline is that who we dated we saw this as something that we were both on the same page character the qualities I saw all the things God said this is the right move others around us celebrated that relationship we got engaged we got married and you know what happens then then the loving begins because love is something that takes sacrifice that takes work takes all types of descriptive terms biblically the best passage or most extensive passage on love you've probably heard a bunch of weddings is this for first Corinthians chapter 13 verse 4 love is patient think about these things you don't fall into patience you choose to be patient love is kind kindness it does not envy it does not boast it is not proud it does not dishonor others it is not self-seeking it is not easily angered it does not keep any record of wrongs that means love chooses I forgive you I'm not holding this against you that is entirely action that's what that means there's been a wrong and I'm choosing despite the fact that I was wronged I'm not holding on to that that's some emotional lead decision that is it I'm deciding to do that that's what love is it's something that you live out not that you fall in love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth love always protects love always trusts always hopes or believes the best it always persevered love never fails all of these biblically love biblically involves these attitudes and actions in your life not this emotional overflowing and feeling the idea first comes love then comes marriage then comes baby carriage is hey we date we got married then love begins because it's in that context that I have to choose I'm gonna die to myself and put your needs before my own and my wife dies to herself it says I'm putting the needs of the other person before my own you can't even fully live out love until you're married and we get the progression off once you give marry that's when the love begins in deciding I'm choosing to die to myself to love you biblically that's what love is it's not some emotional overflowing experience the Apostle Paul you know he ends this passage it's really fascinating second my love and then out of left field he begins to talk about his childhood who you're like love is this love is this and then he's like when I was a boy and here's what he says when I was a child I talked like a child thought like a child I reasoned like a child when I became a man I put the ways of childhood behind me in other words in the context of love it's almost it's um Paul is saying like hey there's a lot of myths people believe about love like they believe in the fairy tale got Cupid over there firing arrows there's a lot of crazy stuff people believe but when I became a man I put those away and I began to accept the truth and I put childish things behind me love is a decision that I make to die to self in the context of marriage over and over and over and over it's not always easy doesn't always come easy but that is what marriage is and I know that I'm ready for marriage when I decide man I'm ready to love do the actions the scripture calls me to here's the summary one more time if you want to lose at love in ten ways date for fun make exceptions cuz they're exceptional play like you're married search for the best jump from relationship to relationship focus on chemistry of a character don't deal with past her it's isolate your relationship and have sex when you're ready and believe love is something that you fall into close here maybe the biggest lie or one of the biggest two lies there's kind of two directions maybe we'll take it and some of you are believing you can reject and do as many of those as you want and not lose it love and you have bought a lie and someday you're gonna wake up and you go how did I get here the love story I hoped I would experience it's not the love story that's getting written a Romney and I feel like I may even be past kind of a stage of even when I would fall into that love story others of you you're in the room and you believe that man because you've broken one of these you're too far and you're too damaged goods and the love story God has for you can't be something where you will turn and surrender life and your love story to him he'll write one out of that more beautiful than anything that you could have imagined and you think you're too damaged of goods and the god of search doesn't look at it like that the choice is yours in mine am I gonna decide to follow his way or not it's like this my wife and I have been recently looking for like on a mattress search we had the same one for four years and we have you know came across the bed in a box thing found mattresses that they'll ship right to your door really interesting and and we've gone through four of them we went through the purple did the Lisa Casper helix and here's the deal you get them you're gonna sleep on them and you get a hundred night trial totally free if you don't want it no questions asked return 365 day trial on one of them no questions asked returned and we went through it and we kind of we're sleeping on these different maps Susan and each time the same thing happens really interesting we call and it's like man this one's too hot and this one's too cold and it's you know porridge three little bears but we call and we're like I want to return this and they've said the same thing each time they're like okay great well if you just donate it to it charity of your choice and send us a receipt that's fine in other words they're like because you used it that thing is so worthless to us now that we won't even come get it so just get rid of it and do whatever you want with it and that's it we don't even care to come and get it back you've been sleeping on it it's used it's not worth it in so many ways that's such a reflection of like the dating culture that we live in in our world that wants you to have that romantic love story at the same time also chastises you and makes you feel like damaged goods if a part of your story didn't always work out the right way you got an STD you had an abortion in your past you had sexual dysfunction in your past maybe there's sexual abuse and you can feel like damaged goods that hate everyone around me feels like reiterates I'm used I'm worthless I'm abused and the message of the Bible is that despite any of these being broken in your past your story doesn't have to be over and that a godly guy or a godly girl is not exempt from you no matter listen very closely to me no matter your story it does not have to be the case that hey a godly guy would never have interest in you or a godly girl would never have interest in you if you believe that you have bought a lie because the New Testament really tells us that anyone who's a godly guy is gonna act like Christ how did Christ act towards people who had sexual dysfunction in their past you know we're actually told he looked at a woman who had sexual dysfunction taking place in her presence he's teaching one morning he's at the temple and John chapter 8 he's sitting there he's teaching and they bring this woman who've been caught in the act of adultery caught in the midst of having sex with not her husband with some other man and they drag her and they throw her in the middle of Jesus's message right in front of everybody how does the son of God respond to a woman clearly guilty of sexual sin dysfunctional relationship how does God respond we're told that he he looks at the men and the men who yell out the law says we should condemn her to death they call for the death penalty how do you respond Jesus Jesus kneels down on the ground he begins to write something in the dirt we're not even told he wrote drawers with his finger then he stands up and he says but him without sin throw the first stone and then he kneels back down and starts writing in the ground what Jesus she's an adulteress she's ruining a family's life she's caught in the middle of having sex with somebody else and you're perfect holy God you look at her despite the law calling for the death penalty and you say hey if you're without sin you can do it you know the answer you know they have sin in their life they can't do that and he kneels back down and gets writing in the dirt and we're told that the oldest to the youngest they walk away and now it's just Jesus and the woman it's kneeled on the ground and he looks up and you got to think this woman's covered in tears and who else who knows what else he looks her in the eyes and he says does no one condemn you and she responds no one and Jesus says go and leave your life of sin I don't condemn and I don't condone but I'm gonna be crucified on a cross for sin like this and there is no sin that makes you so unwanted by me you're not used in damaged and abused Goods and a godly guy and a godly girl will see you with the eyes of Jesus and I so desperately want you to hear me your story is not done but you have a part in that story of saying god I surrender I want a love story that you write I give you the pen write it all over my life take it use it o date however you want me today I don't want to write a story like my parents story I don't want to lie write a story like so much of Holly was dysfunctional crap I want a love story that lasts God and everywhere I look the best shot I got in culture is a coin flip so if that's possible god I surrender take it and a godly guy if you turn and a godly girl if you say got him I want to walk with you I'm gonna walk with you I'm gonna date like you call me too he's gonna look at you like Jesus looks at you forgiven new whole but you have to make the decision what you're gonna do are you to keep driving your own life because if so you're never gonna heal and you're never gonna have that godly guy around it you're gonna buy the lie that you're damaged goods so you just gotta settle for damaged Daniel you don't have to sorry Daniel you got to decide are you gonna have a decade that roars as it relates to your love life or you gonna lose love and every way when it doesn't have to be so let me pray father thank you that you don't condemn sexually immoral people like me you don't condone those were sexual brokenness in our past and sexual sin sexual relationships and yet also you don't condemn because you were crucified taking all the condemnation on you I pray that tonight anyone in this room who's bought that lie and there are many that they're too far gone the story is too far to be woven back and made new redeemed your spirit would overwhelm them now and help them reject that lie I pray for anyone who's never trusted and what you did on the cross the perfect expression of love they wouldn't lose that love by not accepting it's not their prey for dating relationships god protect those of us who are dating in the room protect us from living in our own ways dating as we see fate of the world says to stop marriages from happening bright couples up right now than need to form marriages that need to we love you we worship you in song amen

Channel: The Porch

Views: 13,031

Rating: 4.9272728 out of 5

Keywords: the, porch, dallas, watermark, community, church, christian, christianity, ministry, movement, fort, worth, faith, sermon, dating, truth, bible, advice, biblical, counsel, jonathan pokluda, the porch, watermark community church, young adults, fort worth, david marvin, todd wagner, the bible

Id: _hNVn6Ac5YY

Length: 48min 29sec (2909 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 13 2020