Dating Detours - Save The Date #1 | Jonathan Pokluda

how would I like I'd like to pursue you with excellence I want to be intentional not intense but intentionally want to guard your heart put a cage we out on that thing lock it up and throw away the key you ever heard of David's mighty men we are looking at one of them I'm looking for a proverbs 31 woman boom founder that's what I'm looking for that was beautiful just looking for your coffee order oh well thank you for your authenticity I'll have the frozen blended Java chip caramel coffee frozen hot chocolate with some whip get right on that oh man we're doing it be intentional not intense fellas intentional not intense so a couple weeks ago not even a couple weeks ago what one weekend ago two weekends ago I was at this little deal called launch retreat and went there went there Friday night and what that looked like as I knew I was gonna go out there Friday night Shane Shane Everett sings up here usually texted me and said hey do you want to take the girls out early and so he has a daughter olive who's eight my daughter Presley is eight and so Shane II his little girl and and me and my little girl jump in his car and we're driving out to Sky Ranch now I've been to Sky Ranch probably 12 times and so we're heading out there I mean I know the way like the back of my hand right and so we pulled over into some little catfish spot that was fried capture spot that was awfully wonderful and uh and then we had to Sky Ranch we're getting closer we're on the backroads now out there you know towards Van Texas past Van Texas we've driven through the town and and we're going and we get to the turn where you turn into Sky Ranch and he turns and then we're driving down that road and we're driving and like any minute like I know there's gonna be this big entrance that says Sky Ranch we're dry and I'm looking it's going to be on the right or we're driving I'm looking I mean has this ever happened to you where you're going a direction and you're you're you're certain kind of that you're going the right way and so we're driving that wet we're driving we're driving and the girls are in the back I mean they're just like not even paying attention they're writing the song back there sup well olive was writing the song Presley was writing a rap there was going to be amazing I was already selling it my mind and um and so and so we keep going and I'm like II may you you you sure we're going the right way he's like well you know you're the one that's been out here something like are you you know I ma'am I think and it's not I know which thing is a pride thing like we're two guys and we're afraid to ask for directions there's no one to ask I mean it's like pasture and cows and that's it and I'm like I said okay let's just keep going a little further like let's just go a little further and until we go a little further we get to a stop sign I'm like bro listen listen right listen right and so we turn around and and now at this point we're thinking what we missed we missed the the entrance maybe we were too caught up in the girl's brilliance in the backseat or something so we missed the entrances so we turned around we're going back and we're going back and now I'm continue to look for the entrance on the other side of the road now and we get all the way to where we started and we realized that that sign that said sky ranch this way actually said this way and so we turned around and we we went the right direction and we eventually got to where we're going and the reason I start there because I think that story beautifully captures the idea of how most of us date okay we are headed toward a destination if you're a follower of Jesus Christ that destination for you is marriage not just marriage but a healthy marriage and so we don't waste time dating we're not dating for fun we're not dating for pleasure we're not dating to seek thrills we're not dating for attention or to affirm you know our insecurities we are dating with the intention of getting married and that's the destination being married well a healthy marriage not not half of the marriages that fail miserably but a great marriage and so we're moving towards that destination but what happens for so often in our lives or in our dating lives is we take a wrong turn and we don't even realize it and then all of a sudden we find ourselves in these conversation and we don't even realize that we think we hope I hope this is moving towards it and really it's going the other direction and now we're in this predicament because we're like well I've invested so much time though in this relationship and if I start over in another relationship that's going to be like this was all a waste and I don't know if we're going the right way do you think we're going our way and you both kind of sense me maybe we took a wrong turn maybe we shouldn't go further this way maybe we should turn around and it's like no let's just go a little further and let's just go a little bit further and a little bit further and we continue to waste time in this idea in fact I've seen two people who could have been great together ruin the possibility of being great together because they took wrong turns I want you to realise that that's actually a possibility you could be in a relationship with someone and you could ruin the future of that relationship because of decisions you make in that relationship wrong turns true story and likewise the illustration breaks down at some point but I think so many of us we travel down the same familiar paths hoping to get to a different destination and yet we do it the same way over and over no and we actually think we're good at a guy tell me the other day I don't need dating advice I'm like bro you're on your fifth marriage you need some kind of advice you need some advice dawg and so we kind of do this thing the same way over and over and over we're traveling down the same familiar stop signs that we blow past and we hope to get to some different destination and we're not and so this evening I want to talk with you about dating detours these are wrong turns that you take when you're dating and we're kicking off a series tonight called save the date which really has a double meaning or maybe even a triple meaning because save the date is something that you receive when someone gets married right and so they say hey save the date we'd love for you to be there and so there's that idea of hey we hope this is going to that destination marriage save the date also in most of our life stages is this awkward thing where we get this and are we going to put the plus one or not is this going to be me and somebody or am I going to go by myself you know and we have that that predicament but but then the double meaning really comes into play because we've got to do something different man we're not getting better at this I mean let me say this really quick your generation your peers y'all aren't getting good at this any better at this I mean every statistic that I look at causes me great concern that we are real be awful at this I mean we have more help than ever we got more apps we've got OkCupid and tinder and every all kinds of hotlines and dating you know advice out there and all sorts of articles that we can read every kind of tip and trick that you want at your fingertips on your phone and yet statistics just continue to show that we're getting worse and worse at this getting married much later marriages are shorter marriages don't last and all sorts of terrible things happen in dating so what I need you to do before we go any further in this series is I need you to be open to the possibility that you might be awful at dating I need you just to think for one second like men I might be really really bad at this like I like if God shows up Jesus shows up and he says okay I just want to grade you on your dating skills real quick like that driver's ed test or so now let me just tell you how good you are you you failed miserably I just want you to consider that outcome for a moment and let's dive in with honest open hearts thinking that we might hear something new and profound from the Word of God that's going to change our lives forever and ever and ever deal all right dating detours this evening because if we can identify these wrong turns they can get us back on the right track and wrong turns in the right relationship can make the right person the wrong person and that's what I hope to talk with you about this evening and so I'm going to be in my new favorite Bible story okay I've been studying this man's life and I love this story and so I might camp here for two weeks maybe even three weeks I don't know it's an awesome story it's the life of Samson and so if you grew up is going to be judges 13 14 15 16 if you grew up in church at all you probably heard this story in Sunday school I don't even think I'm going to touch on what you heard in Sunday school I'm going to show you his life before what Samson and who Delilah was you know Samson's with three women Delilah was just one of them we're going to look at all three of those relationships this evening and try to from them now let me give you this disclaimer before we go any further I don't think this story is in the Bible with God God put this here with the sole intention of teaching us about dating I don't think that's why the story is here I think this story is in the scripture to show you how much God loves his people how he's going to redeem his people through a very imperfect person because whenever God wants to do something he identifies a person whenever he wants to do something great he identifies a person and says having to raise up this person to accomplish my task and I think that's why there's stories in the scripture but Sampson is so awful at relationships that they cost him his life and they cost him his well being in his relationship with God over and over and over again and so I hope to learn from it so let me just tell you a little bit about this man Samson Samson is was born a Nazarite now that term comes from Numbers chapter 6 verses 1 through 21 and I'm just going to explain it to you real quick this is a person who is holy and set apart by God who is not a priest and there are three description of a Nazarite when you make a Nazarite vow there are three things that you must do okay the first one is you cannot consume alcohol no Mambo taxies first Samson okay he can't do that he can't go to no margaritas with his enchiladas that's not how he can roll he's the Nazarite no consuming of alcohol the second one would be a little easier for you you cannot get near anything dead you can't play with dead things all right easy enough God I won't play with dead things the third one is the weird one honestly you can't cut your hair so Samson has this ginormous man bun on the top of his head right I mean this is who he is looking all good I mean he's swole because the unique thing about Samson is he's got superhuman strength he's og he-man that's who he is he is the strongest man in the universe walking the planet Earth and he's got this giant man bum bun and he's always sober and he can't play with dead things that's who he is Judges chapter 14 Samson sir boy went down to Timna and there he saw a young Philistine woman when he returned he said to his father and mother I have seen a Philistine woman in Timna now get her for me as my wife okay let me just say this right here this isn't all that weird because in order to like pursue someone in this day and time you would have to go through your parents oh he's not just being a mama's boy now he's like I don't know what to do teach me some game no he's like he's like I want her that's who I want him to marry okay his father and mother replied isn't there an acceptable woman among your relatives or among all our people must you go to the uncircumcised philistine to get a wife but Samson said to his father get her for me she's the right one for me okay now when they say go to yours relatives you're like that's weird Arkansas stuff you know but no here's what's going on no no remember that guy sorry okay remember that God remember that God has preserved his people they're unique people and I remember to all of humanity came from two people and then one family was preserved on a boat and so there wasn't a lot of people and so that wasn't weird in this day and time God says hey only you have to sleep with these people these are the only people that you can enter marry and that's how I'm going to continue this thing called that's eventually going to be Christianity and and so I'm going to explain that more in just a second but I want to say this last phrase to you in the Hebrew it says get her for me she's the right one for me it literally translates she looks good to me he sees her from afar and everything that God has commanded him goes out the window and he's like her it's not unlike David or Solomon right I mean David like the Lord is my shepherd I shall not want he makes me lie down in green pastures he leads me beside quiet waters he restores my soul he guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will who is that Bathsheba right this is what's going he's like everything goes out the window and he's like I want her she looks good to me and so this is his first detour this is where he goes wrong it's detour number one this evening pursuing the wrong people pursuing the wrong people this is honestly the first and biggest mistake that you can make and so if you can lean in for this first point and get this if you only get this first point it will save you lots of grief Samson was only to date Israelites and I say date there because we date for the intention of marriage he was only to marry within God's people and this is the command that comes from it's really repeated through the scripture I'll give you one place Deuteronomy chapter 7 verse 3 do not intermarry with them that's all of the the ice if you will around God's people do not intermarry with them do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons for they will turn your children away from following me to serve other gods and the Lord's anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you now this is exactly what happened to King Solomon King Solomon had all those wives and all that money and all that wisdom and yet it says at the end of his life they turned his hearts towards other gods and so Samson is breaking God's command here now if you know your Bible well you know there's a parenthetical statement that comes right after this that says his parents didn't realize that God was going to use this to free them from the Philistines I want you to know I've read lots of commentaries on this statement and they all said this is not God commanding Samson to break his law this is God using and redeeming his disobedience of breaking God's so Samson was not to marry a Philistine woman but in his rebellion God is even going to use that God can use your rebellion that's true God will bring about his will through your pain if you run from him that's true Tommy talked about that last week and so God is purifying his people he's setting them apart and he's increasing them this is this is really important this is a key strategy to God's plan for the world this is the first Great Commission and if we can get this this is really important this is why we get married this is why God who could have created this plan any idea I mean he could have made it where you were all the same sex and he could have made it where you hold hands and reproduce and the same kind of thing comes forth he could have done it however you were he could have made babies come out your eyes when you look at elephants I don't know he could have done anything he wanted to do he's God and the way that he did it and the way that I note you're distracted by my craziness come back with me the way that he did is he said you love me and you love me and when y'all come together and love each other with me at the foundation of that you're going to produce little people and I want you to raise those little people up to love me and that's my plans the first Great Commission it shows up in Genesis chapter 9 verse 7 as for you my people be fruitful and increase in number multiply on the earth and increase upon it and you say but this book says so little about dating and so little about marriage you're right so little like like honestly if we looked at it I mean that's that's about all of it says in marriage this this whole book because this book is about another relationship candidly this life is about another relationship this life is about you knowing God who put you here to know him and make him known Samson had this incredible calling on his life God brought him into the world to free his people but he continues to get distracted by these relationships following his heart following his lusts following his feelings following his desires and forsaking the Lord's plan for his life and you and I we do the exact same thing you have a purpose and some of the relationship that you enter in will get in the way of that purpose specifically relationships with non-believers relationships with people who do not follow Christ second Corinthians 6 verse 14 and 15 says do not be yoked together with unbelievers for what do righteousness the wickedness have in common or what fellowship can light have with darkness what harmony is there between Christ and Belial or Satan or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever some of the most difficult conversations I have happen right up here usually with the young women with these huge crocodile tears welling up in their eyes saying I'm dating a non-christian and I just don't know but I love him and I just was curious and I'm always surprised by that because I'm like surely you've heard me address this issue surely you've written one of the twenty-seven blogs we've written on this topic we don't date non-christians that that's what we believe this book is true we believe God is real that he has plans for us and so we wouldn't do that it's not an evangelism strategy it's not anything that that we do and so the other day like I mean I'm here it's a Sunday I was teaching on a Sunday guy and girl come up he's there she's like hey you know I'm a Christian he's not he's an atheist and what should we do and and I mean he's about to swing a lot I mean that conversation I'm always kind of like this and I'm like okay what because I'm just I'm sensing it like it's good right hooks come in and and I'm just like yeah I mean you know what you got to do you got to break up and I mean he's like what what are you what are you talking not why would you don't even know you don't even know our relationship you don't even know we do you don't know how to love her you don't how good I am sir your ID buddy I don't but I care about you yes you and I want you to know that that she believes that she's saying the biggest thing about my life the most important thing in the world to me is this deity that I'm pursuing with my all and she you don't want her to drag you through life with that like what's gonna happen when you guys have kids and and y'all disagree on discipline and she comes with Proverbs and says well the Proverbs say spoil the rod spare the child spare the rod spoil the child you'd be like what do you talk about proverbs why am I gonna try to live my life by the Proverbs what difference brought that's the Bible and she's Sunday comes so she's like we're having to go to church and worship why are you doing that lets just watch football and she's in you know and you think I was gonna be fine and then y'all get into a disagreement she says well the Bible says you like throw the Bible at the window who cares y'all are going to different directions to two different destinations you're saying hey I'm driving down the road this way and then all of a sudden you can be like hey it's your turn to drive and then he gets in the car he's going to u-turn it's like no we're going this way and then also it's your turn to drive he's a Jew turning no we're going this way and then he doubled you this way that doesn't work for it's never worked out for anyone in the history of 10 years of vocational ministry I've never met a single person who says hey I love God with all my heart he doesn't believe in God we have a healthy marriage and it's fantastic it's never happened and so the only reason I tell you that is because I care about you I'm okay to be the bad guy okay if you hate me I care about you it's not going to go well for you you won't be the first person in the history of history that that goes well for that's all can you be can you be madly in love with someone who does not love God can you be madly in love with someone who does not love God and the answer is yes madly head-over-heels can't sleep at night wake up early in the morning thinking about them can't eat because you're so crazy about them in love who doesn't love God because that's what people tell me they say but you don't know how much I love him I'm sure he's a handsome guy I'm sure you love them a whole lot but it doesn't matter how you feel I'm telling you what God says well God wouldn't given me these feelings if he didn't want my she's got to give you those feelings in TV did herself a tidally but I love him clearly you love him clearly you do you love him more than you love God you sure do because you're willing to compromise God's work to pursue him I do not question your love for him clearly you love him and so should you date someone just because they are Christian absolutely not because they have a Bible because they go to church no way because they memorize scripture graduated from seminary oh oh no no do you know Samson in this story I mean stansson knows God Samson's a train wreck Samson would ruin your life you know this guy okay I mean you know this guy we all know this guy all right I mean he's big swole like he's you know cross spit every week posting his insta feed is full of selfies of him in the mirror flexing you know that's what we he's got the big Tapout shirt he does MMA on the weekend and and he's the guy that your mama said you don't want to like him but you just kind of do and you see the sensitive side in him that's only like he cries a trompe up romantic comedies you know and you're like there's something about in DOMA and you know you're not supposed to like him but you kind of do like him and and he's just a bad boy he walks in the room and honestly he can kick anyone's butt here like oh man you know I just I don't know it's so messy heart wants what it wants you know thank you Selena Gomez he will mess you up man he will mess he will take your heart and wring it out get you to like and fall in love with him for fun for fun for his own entertainment and he will mess you up this guy will he's a train wreck train wreck of an individual two girls like bad boys dumb girls do I mean okay gonna email me before you email me I mean let me say it let me say it differently uneducated girls do girls that don't understand God's desires for them do girls that don't realize that God wants something better for them they do they like bad boys their hearts long for that they fed their hearts that trash drama I chased the drama chased the bad boy and you get addicted to and then all you liked is bad boys it's all you know you've tasted something you liked and just keep chasing it yeah so let me ask a question guys ask and so should I so what if there's this girl who just loves Jesus so much man she's amazing and she's always in the word and girls respect her and they follow her and and she you know Christ is her priority but I'm just not attracted to her should I date her oh no here's why you're not spiritually mature enough to you're not spiritually mature enough to date her I mean let me explain you one you haven't learned to be attracted to the things that God's attracted to remember when he says that when le abbe David's brother is like handsome and a foot taller than everybody else and big and swole and God says no I look at the heart that's what I'm drawn to is the heart of an individual give me the shepherd boy in the field that everyone has overlooked so no you shouldn't date her she's way too good for you that's why you're not attracted to her you're not spiritually mature enough yet to be attracted to her but what if only like what if the guys that ask me out are the good guys that I just I just don't like you know that like all the good guys ask me how but that's just not really what I'm into yeah you got a spiritual maturity problem you keep praying keep pursuing God's Word I pray that he would change her don't look at porn don't don't chase the things of this world and begin to feed your heart the things of God and he'll change your taste to something healthy and beautiful and full of life and amazing so let me just show you how much of it right trainwreck Sampson is who knows God he knows God ok so he meets this woman and and so he tells his parents and so him and his papa you know they're going to go back and get her and it says they says in the scriptures by the way it's about to get weird ok this lion comes up on him and it says that Samson grabs the lion and tears him apart like a small goat to which I'm like that still sounds hard like I I don't know when the last time you tore apart a small goat but I'm like I don't even know what's more difficult I mean the lion I guess fights back but I'm like that's crazy ok and so then he goes and he meets her and he talks and he runs his game and then he goes back to his house and then he's going I'm gonna go back then I'm going to marry this woman and so he's walking that same path and he's walking the path he sees the lion carcass the dead body but member he's not supposed to go near dead body but he sees bees all around it and there's a beehive in it honey in the lion carcass ok it's about to get gross and he goes and he gets the honey he eats some and then he gets some and he goes and gives it to everybody he's broken number one of his Nazarite vow he's plays with played with dead things gross he ate honey out of this gross okay and then he goes there and he throws this big party but in the Hebrew is called a mish - which literally in the Hebrew translates a drinking party or a party for drinking okay so Samson throws a kegger that's Nazarite vow break in number two right he's doing keg stands at the party we don't know it doesn't say that but but he go he throws a drinking party he's close to it at least right and then at this party he's given these thirty companions to accompany him and he tells them a riddle and I'll just read it to you verse 12 let me tell you a riddle Samson said to them if you can give me the answer within seven days of the feast I will give you thirty linen garments and thirty sets of clothes if you can't tell me the answer you must give me thirty linen garments and thirty sets of clothes and here's the riddle out of the eater something to eat out of the strong something sweet okay what is he doing he's talking about the lion and he's making light of his sin he knows what he's done and he's like let's just have some fun with it he doesn't want to keep his sin secret like he kind of wants to reveal it through this riddle and he's having fun with it he's making light of it and he's a thrill seeker he's that guy it's always like hey we're at this party and I'm supposed to begin Mary let's gamble anybody would gamble and this is Bohr I could have a hard-drinking at that okay I got a bet and he does that what we know this guy we know this guy and so okay so the guy's these thirty companions they go to his wife and they say hey if you don't tell us if you don't tell us what what the answer to the riddle is we're going to burn you and your father up alive we're gonna set you on fire just got real in the quid and so you know she tells them he nags him hey tell me the answer tell me the answer telling the answer he eventually does she tells the men the men tell him you know what is stronger than a lion what is sweeter than honey he's angry this is what he says is verse 18 if you had not plowed with my heifer you would not have solved my riddle here so this is great dating advice listen do cause you a heifer you run like if we just knew that if anybody looks at you and says you're a heifer you say peace out I went to that dating talk and I'm done with you in the Hebrew that literally says if you had not plowed with my heifer okay so I'm just like one don't ever plow with another man's heifer and two don't ever call a women a heifer and so then he leaves there he kills 30 innocent men takes their clothes so he can pay his debt because he's Sam Singh does whatever he wants to do he's arrogant he's narcissistic he goes back then to sleep with his wife but her dad has given her to another man one of his companions he's upset so he burns down their crops this is the Philistines this is the the enemies of God he burned down he burns down their crops at harvest time which is the big deal man like you don't have any food to eat and so they take his wife and they set her on fire and her dad they burn her make her Alicia Keys song that's not even right do don't even think about that I'm sorry I'm sorry that's that's not cool because you did this he says because you did this but but in that weird that he says that but he did this he brought all this drama on himself like this was his stupidity this is his fault like this guy is always the victim like man they just don't understand me that they did this I'm like dude Europe you've made a bunch of terrible decisions because you did this and then he has to kill a thousand of them which is crazy with the donkey bone he kills a thousand of them with with a jawbone of a donkey he's a bad dude I told you that and so let me just recap because that was a lot we're still in point one by the way disobedient to God's laws okay he's vain he's made light of his sin he's rude he's violent he does what he wants he's vengeful he's angry he's the bad dude and so let me just summarize all of that say all of those are qualities you want to avoid when dating don't go after that person but then what it says in the text is he then has 20 years where he leads Israel and so he leads Israel under the philistine range reign he kind of comes up and he says okay I'm your leaders now I'm going to protect you from the Philistines and so judges 15 verse 20 Samson led Israel for 20 years in the days of the Philistines and that's that's the end of chapter 15 and then the beginning of chapter 16 says this one day Samson went to Gaza where he saw a prostitute he went in to spend the night with her the people of Gaza were told Samson is here so they surrounded the place and lay in wait for him all night at the city gate they made no move during the night saying at dawn we will kill him girl number two prostitute dating detour number two giving in to lust you given to lust it's going to take you the wrong direction so Samson grows from zora to Gaza which is 40 miles okay and so I did the math the 40 miles that's 80,000 steps 80,000 one of these walking into sin I'm doing it consciously there might be a prostitute there I might get lucky I might be able to buy sex for myself and experience pleasure and so he walks in the direction of sin slowly for 40 miles Sampson continues to make decisions based on the pursuit of his own personal pleasure and these people make miserable spouses because they do what they want regardless of what God says and it never goes well for them they are selfish he did all of this to use a girl for sex people will go to great lengths when they're controlled by their sexual desires they will say crazy things they will sing boys to men's songs to you they will they will do crazy things okay they will look you in the eyes they will say but I love you so much they'll say that in a heartbeat they'll write your poetry to get in your pants they will do all kinds of crazy things I talked to people all the time that are like man it's just it's weird like every time I go into his apartment like we just end up lying down cruel man um stop going into his apartment okay well every time we watch that movie like it just ends it just just gets a little touchy-feely okay no more movies all right whatever is causing the touchy feely nough said okay why not we can't even be alone then awesome glad we solve that problem together you can't be alone then that's where you're at like y'all can't be alone you know and so I'm glad we're working together to solve this problem but as you walk that direction you're going the wrong direction it's not moving towards healthy marriage it's moving in the direction of unhealthy relationship and let me just tell you something if a person is willing to sleep with you before marriage it is very likely they do not believe in God he said again if a person is willing to sleep with you before marriage it is very likely that they do not believe in God okay at least their relationship with him is not healthy at least they are not yielding to his spirit his spirit is not alive and active in their lives because they are doing they're following their own spirit their own sinful desires their own flesh they are not yielding to this to God so at very least they are not spiritually mature enough to be dating material that we saw in point number one the only reason someone take up your pants or put their hands up your shirt is because they do not fear God they are not afraid of him and they are pursuing one thing it is what they want and they are telling you something really strategic they are saying hey I believe sex is fine outside of marriage and so should we get married I will continue to look for sex outside of marriage because sex outside of marriage is just different than sex inside of marriage and if you grow an appetite for sex outside of marriage sex inside of marriage does not satisfy that appetite and I've had too many people come back to me and say hey you were right when you said that and so I beg you to take my word for it they're communicating something to you sex will keep you in the wrong relationship too long and it will keep you from the right relationship 1st Corinthians 6 verse 18 and 20 says this plea run from fast from sexual immorality all other sins a person commits or outside the body but whoever sins sexually sins against their own body do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit who is in you whom you have received from God you are not your own you were bought at a price therefore honor God with your body see if someone is trying to have sex with you if they're attempting to coerce you towards sex this gets so easy you need to thank them like they have they have shortened this road trip really quickly and you say hey let me out of the car and don't call me right and it's that simple it just got really easy for you they're not the one they're not the person that God would desire you to be with they're not the kind of person okay because I don't believe there's only one person that God desires you to be with I believe there's lots of people that's God's people not a huge amount of people but a certain amount of people who follow God with all our heart soul mind and strength whom you can spend the rest of your life with but it's not that person and so like can you imagine can you imagine if I had a dude up here and I just told you ladies I said hey here he is and and so he's slept with thousands of women it usually happened this is a his periodic is a couple times a month but when he does sleep with a woman it's not just one woman it's multiple like multiple women like 12 13 14 15 16 women all at the same time that happened several times a month so for some sometimes some seasons about once a month sometimes several times one lie I think you'd be like man I who I want to spend the rest of my life with but that's what pornography does that's exactly what it is it's how many women or men cannot consume it clicks like I know this is your problem - I'm not naive to that all one-in-three viewers or women I get that how many people can I consume how many clips how many steps so I consume what I want for my own pleasure its adultery with people they're real people I mean the two-dimensional kind but they live and breathe somewhere and you are growing an addiction for them which is not a person it's not a spouse its variety and one person will never satisfy someone with an addiction for variety true story that's my story that's my story if you didn't know I'm not trying to shame you I'm begging you to make the last time that you've looked at porn behind you like what if like right now you hear this and you know I'm talking to you and you said I'll never look at it again I'm gonna go huh I will throw my computer through the window don't do that but I'll buy from you or something but I will never look at it again what if how powerful would that be you never saw it again ever for the rest of you began to heal so that you could get married that'd be a beautiful thing that sexual sin is such a slippery addictive path and it's so hard to stop the car when you're going this direction like everything in you wants to slam on the brake pull the parking brake but you just can't because an object in motion stays in motion and you love your sin or you're at least addicted to it and so I saw this in a really real way there's just this week soozee favor Hamilton's story broke I don't know if you heard this but she's a three-time Olympian okay and so she was she went to the Olympics three different times pretty incredible fast runner a sprinter if you will and on her 20th wedding anniversary after the Olympics 40th wedding anniversary she tells her husband hey let's spice things up a little bit let's go to Vegas and have a threesome so they go to Vegas I mean he thinks what an amazing gift for my wife that she would do this for me they go to Vegas they get a high-priced call girl okay and she tastes something that she can't shake she begins to develop an appetite a sexual addiction and she says to him hey I think I want to go back to Vegas this time not to get a call girl but to be a call girl I think I can produce some extra income this way I would like to and she talks about her duplicate his life to please his life she's kids it's a slippery so why would anybody do this how does that happen because you feed an appetite and you're feeding an appetite just consider who you find attractive like like just I just watch TV oh man Channing Tatum Wow here's what you're not saying I love how he knows the word Ryan Reynolds oh my you not say I love the way he walks with Jesus guys are not that Megan Fox Wow I bet she leaves Sunday school that's not what you're saying right you're saying here's what you saying you saying hey Hart find me one of those hey Hart you watch are you listening did you hear me do you hear me say oh wow you see those ads buy me one of those that's what you're doing you got to be careful guys you're feeding your heart and not just what you watch and what you pursue and what you say what you listen to just this today what I heard you know Demi Lovato cool for the summer it got my mind on your body and your body on my mind got a taste for the cherry I just need to take a bite don't tell your mother kiss one another die for each other were cool for the summer that's what Sam's too telling this lady we're cool for the summer so if they're waiting outside for me to kill me Tolo talking body and I mean just this is on repeat in the rain I'm in their car with my little girls and she says if we're talking bodies you got a perfect one so put it on me it won't make take me long if you love me right will on KISS FM on repeat well F for life my little girls like what did she say am i done she changed the station 97 not 94.7 what are we doing she said we'll F for life this this young sweet girl so hey that's the destination I'm traveling to that's what I want make you're being brainwashed you're being brainwashed judges 16 verse 4 sometime later Samson again he fell in love with the woman in the valley of Sorek whose name was Delilah so the me head gets the valley girl we've seen this happen so the rulers of the Philistines went to her and said see if you can lure him into showing you the secret of his great strength and how we can overpower him so he might tie so that we might tie him up and subdue him each one of us will give you 1,100 seconds of silver let me just remind you Samson Israelite Philistines God's enemies Delilah she's a Philistine okay Samson falls in love with her the text says so her Philistine people say hey we'll pay you if you can find the secret to a strength now this is the story that you might know so Delilah said to Samson tell me the secret of your great strength and how you can be tied up and subdued because she's a gold-digger right she wants the money and so Samson answered her if anyone ties me with seven fresh bow strings that have not been dried I'll become as weak as any other man then the rulers of the Philistines brought her seven fresh bow strings that had not been dried and she tied them up with them she tied him up with them with men hidden in the room she called him Samson the Philistines are upon you but he snapped the bow strings as easily as pieces as a piece of string snaps when it comes close to a flame so the secret of his strength was not discovered okay then she keeps doing this Samson Samson you made a fool of me you've got to tell me the secret of your strength how can I bound you he says hey if you tie me with fresh ropes so she grabs fresh ropes and she ties them up while he's sleeping like this is all kind this is fifty shades of crazy you know I don't know what's going on and so she says she's eyed Samson the Philistines are coming he gets up breaks the ropes he said Samson you made a fool of me again what must I do she says as well if you take the seven braids in my hair and you weave them up in a Weaver's loom and tie it with a tight pin I don't even know what that means and you know that I won't be strong she does it while he's sleeping hey Samson the Philistines he gets up breaks loose Samson what's your problem you made a fool of me yet again don't you love me if anybody ever tries use love to get you to do something let that be a red flag to run don't you love me I mean I would be like hey first of all why do you keep tying me up a knife I mean this dude is not the wisdom of Solomon here I mean sometimes something's wrong then she said to him how can you say I love you when you won't confide in me this is the third time you have made a fool of me and haven't told me the secret of your great strength with such nagging she prodded him day after day until he was sick to death of it and he eventually tells her if you cut my hair which will be the third time he's broke his Nazarite vow and the Spirit of God leaves him the strength of the Lord leaves him and it leads to his death it leads to his destruction but that's not all in his rearview mirrors death and destruction he's killed a woman he's seen his wife laid on fire which we made a joke about but honestly it's not funny like if you can imagine if that happened just the weight of that I mean it would be insane he's used a woman for his own pleasure and then he's had this relationship that is based completely and totally on games and that's my detour number three and we'll wrap up dating detour number three playing games he's a thrill seeker Samson he likes riddles about sins and secrets kept and prostitutes and fights he's a thrill seeker and thrill seekers attract thrill seekers and so he's met his match in Delilah see people who take advantage of people eventually find people who take advantage of people people who take advantage of people eventually attract people who take advantage of people Samson's vain and let me just tell you this just really profound thought for you vain people attract vain people you tracked with me I go to the gym I'm hot I'm not me I'm just figured to the speaking I'm hot I workout I do creatine the whole deal right I'm flexing I'm strong right and you're smoking hot and you go to the gym and we got the in common and you know what you like me and I like that you like me because I like me and we found each other we're cool for the summer right I mean that that's that's how that works is hey there we are right your vein on vein we're vein we can be bang together vein people attract vein people because the reason that on vein is because I think this is what you want and the reason I'm this way is so I can attract you so I take care of myself like this not like health you know not like god-honoring hell but like no no no no I want to be something that you would worship because I'm something that I worship and so I want you to worship me and I'll worship you and we can worship each other for a season because it only lasts for a season vanity is this deep is shallow and that's the danger when we feed our hearts pornography we've conditioned our hearts what to look for and so when you have climaxed with a porn star over and over and over and over again you eventually you want to be with a porn star that's what you want the problem is that that's usually really unhealthy and by usually really I mean always and absolutely and so it's not real I mean even though the text clearly used words like in love with it's not real he's Sampson he's grown addicted to something counterfeit like that that's the problem is he's fed his heart prostitute he's fed his heart this woman that he didn't know that he solved from far away so of course he's going to be attracted to Delilah who's beautiful but a complete and total con and so you're here you're like man you don't even know I don't even need this series man I got game you don't even know my game like I got game like like the opposite sex not even a problem I know how to talk to him I don't to be with my know how to get to them to do whatever I want you right you do got game all you got is game and you have no idea how to do anything real and when you get stuck into a relationship that you think you might want to stay in and you walk down an aisle and you stand at an altar and you say crazy things to one another you're going to get into a marriage and you're going to miss that game and your kids are going to hate you because you play games and your spouse is going to hate you because they're going to realize your whole life is a game it's a sham see also a joke I'd stop playing games if I were you Roma's tells us that love must be sincere you don't have game you're a joke you're a boy you're a little girl that never learned how to love you don't have gain you're playing with dolls you're playing games you don't have game he's going to hurt you and God has something better for you so the man who could have had anyone never had anyone because he was never going the right direction and he will die alone not having never been married no that would be much better than how he dies he's been married in fact as he looks in his rearview mirror all he sees is relationships that are shattered it might be what some of you see when you look in your rear-view mirror like honestly every relationship you've ever had up until this point didn't go so well probably okay and so when you look in your rear-view mirror you're like wow I might not be very good at this thing remember the first thing I asked you to do realize me we may not be very good at this we may have to learn another way but there's this incredible rhythm in this text I just want to show you and then we'll eat we'll what end um it's this rhythm that when sam says he only does it a few times but when he turns to God God is right there and he answers his cry it's this beautiful thing in fact in the text it says you know he lost his strength it actually says God's grace it says his hair grew back which is just God's incredible grace in his life there's a few times where one time where he's thirsty after he slayed a thousand men and it says he turned to God and his time of need and God provided water for God is so merciful no longer counting your sins against you he's waiting for you to turn you're still walking those 70,000 steps to Gaza and he says hey will you just turn around will you just return to me in the form of repentance say I'm going to do this the right way from here on out and so in summary only date people who are fully surrendered to Christ in summary don't fall into the lust trap and in summary don't play games but be sincere dating someone can be the best or worst thing that ever happened to you one of the best and worst things I should say I mean if you date someone that is fully yielded to God and and loves God more than you and wants to care for you in the way that God has commanded to them to that could be a really beautiful thing when you date someone like Samson or Delilah for this prostitute or the girlfriend Timna it doesn't go well you go in the wrong direction you may not even know it you don't know if you're like am I going to marriage am I not you're driving away from a healthy marriage and you don't even realize when I was in high school I was graduating graduating seniors dating this girl she was a sophomore or junior rather and and because we were in a relationship and because we were in love let me just say first of all how stupid it is to date in high school because nobody in high school wants to get married and we date to get married and so how dumb is that I realized that now but we're in this relationship and we're in love with each other and so she graduates early I mean she loses a year of her high school life and she goes three hours away to a Community College which doesn't even make sense so that we could be in the same town and our relationship is extremely physical not god-honoring I'm verbally and emotionally abusive to this young woman and it dawned on me while I was reading this text this week studying the life of Samson I just I wanted badly to be in front of her in the most appropriate way in beggar forgiveness and her husband's forgiveness and her children's forgiveness I just I wanted that so badly this week when we broke up because of course we broke up she tried to take her life I mean because our whole world was wrapped up in that relationship and I thought at a risk of sounding prideful I thought I was the worst thing that ever happened her like the worst thing that she ever did in her years of existence was crossed my path and I had to carry that into him what's crazy is when I was in that room just having fun for the summer man was just flying laughs you use me I'll use you is just flying and I never thought about the reality of the future that I'm going to look at her with all of this deep regret and hurt and this feeling of remorse and realized that she's going to have a family and a husband then there's going to be deep deep emotional wounds that she's going to carry with her her entire life which I'm responsible for some of you you realize in there right now that that's happened to you or that you've been a part of it and I'm begging you to turn around to repent to say god I have not dated as you've asked me to date I have not gone about that I've been informed by the world more than I've been informed by anything else out there and more than I've been informed by you I've done what I wanted to do but God I believe in you and I believe you love me and I believe you know better than I do so I repent I'm going to turn around and I'm going to do this your way whenever we go somewhere whenever we travel somewhere we say this there's this saying that this is become a part of our culture leave it better than you found it we go to Sky Ranch for launch we say hey leave it better than you found it which just means clean up after yourself and make it better be a blessing to this place and that's how you should date leave the person better than you found them when I look in my rearview mirror not the case I'm like Samson there's rubble piled up all over the side of the road I've been I've been driving the wrong direction down the freeway wondering why everybody's a bad driver and it's awful so when you date someone leave them better than you found them and repent let me pray father we repent God forgive me for please forgive me for where I've made light of this serious story that you've preserved in the text not to teach us solely about dating but to teach us about your character your grace and your mercy and how you raise up an individual to do amazing things in spite of our wickedness and our sin in spite of us Father if only Samson had repented if only Samson had turned from his ways at the woman at Timnath or at the prostitute or at any places of his life if he would have just turned and turned back to you father would you make right now our moment we commit to you purity God I and some of my friends here commit to you to never look at pornography again that the next breast we see will be that of our wise that the next man we lust after would be our husband God we commit to you purity in our relationship that as we date father that we would would stop short of our body preparing itself for sex as you've designed it to do that we would honor each other like a brother or a sister until we stand before you in the Covenant ready to make the covenant of marriage and father for us this is going to be really difficult for some of us because it's like slamming on the brakes of something that we've been driving down the freeway 110 miles per hour and we can't do it without the help of your spirit so would you aid us in that would you help us in that God thank you that you're a merciful God that you hear these prayers we love you in Christ's name Amen because I'm I've done this message before not this exact one but I've done this long enough to know I mean people come up and they say man I just felt so condemned man geez I just felt so guilty and I and so listen lean in hear me okay this is my story I experienced the redemptive work of Jesus Christ in my own life he has set me free from sexual sin I'm not saying there's not temptation okay I'm not saying that I'll never lust after a woman but when I do I go through the act of repentance which includes confession to God into other men in my life to my wife sometimes my children then I turn I said I don't want to do that god help me and things that caused me to struggle I removed from my life and I have experienced His redemptive work it's real I'm not deceived I have not I am not under some spell I'm not whacked-out I get a logical guy and so if you're here and you're like man I've got to make changes make changes it starts like the god I need to make changes if you're in a relationship I know it's unbelievably awkward for you glad you're here and so find someone you find someone with a red shirt and I'm just going to give you the script ready ready we're having sex we'll take it from there we'll take it from there you find someone with the restaurant says the porch on said they were having sex and will drive from there we'll pray with you winner when I got throw stones at you okay we're not going to hurt you and talk to you gonna study the Scriptures together okay you're here you've been looking at porn guys girls I know you're here taught tons of hundreds of you okay find a guy person red shirt same sex I've been looking at pornography we have that conversation every single week sadly and we are ready and prepared to have it with you tonight I've been looking at porn we'll pray with you we'll pray for God's restore it restorative work in your life and he will do incredible things through you I have no I mean it'll be awesome because he takes the will he'll take the will and when he tries I mean he's just he's just really good at taking you to amazing places much better than you are much better than you are yeah that excites me could you imagine if 2500 of us left this place and got dating right now would just be incredible I do all your weddings yeah it'll be awesome David to do some I just got some announcements okay we do have open community group tonight so that what that means is if you're looking for community you realize I don't have anyone to be accountable with or to hold me accountable I just want to hear more about what fellowship in the church looks like guys walk down this aisle this this little pathway here and there's a room girls walk down this pathway and there's a room and it's full of people who are right where you're at saying hey I'm just looking to meet other Christians and go through life together if you're interested in going to Haiti with us we have an information gathering right at right now in the loft and so when you leave here just go upstairs to that building I'm pointing at it it's up and over that's the loft you go in there and say I'd love to hear more about going to Haiti especially or particularly if you're a watermark member and and then lastly I don't know that I've ever given a homework assignment but I'm going to do you guys like Samson you like that story good three three of you really liked that story so I'm black it's it's our the four of us and so the rest of you are going to read it okay that's the homework assignment I would love for you to read the story of Samson starting so judges 13 14 15 and 16 so just leave here and read the story of his life and I think we'll probably talk about it again next week because it's rich judges 13 14 15 and 16 that's your homework and ready for this I'd love to hear your biggest takeaway and so just tweet at me after you've read those chapters tweet at me and say hey this was my takeaway or this is what stood out to me and we're going to use hashtag you guys ready this is the worst idea or the best idea I've ever had but but we're going to do a hashtag STD porch okay and so I just figure the world might look at that and be curious and so save the date is what it stands for save the date porch hashtag I'm serious right now I feel like I've lost credibility with you people hashtag STD porch and just tell me your biggest takeaway from reading judges 13 14 15 and 16 hey guys let me tell you something I love you guys so much I look out there when I'm preaching and I see the hope of the world I really do I see young men and women that God wants to use to change the world and I hope we get to do it together man so going peace to love and serve the Lord

Channel: The Porch

Views: 60,421

Rating: 4.9051723 out of 5

Keywords: watermark, the porch, porch dallas, dating, dating advice, dates, going on a date, marriage, married, relationships, hard, God, detours, sincere, Advice, Advice (Media Genre), Pick, Save, Tips, Meet, Life, Jonathan Pokluda, pursue, date, going out, playing games

Id: vea2eLbDCLI

Length: 65min 10sec (3910 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 08 2015